Joshua Becker's Blog, page 116

7 Reasons Why We Should Stop Praising Excess

“I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.” —Jim Carrey

Our world applauds success. And well it should. It is entirely appropriate to champion those who develop their talents, work hard, and overcome obstacles. There are many successful people I admire in my own life.

But our world is also fixated on praising excess. We are not the first society to worship conspicuous consumption, but we do continue the practice.

Magazines overexpose the details of the rich and famous. News publications rank those with the greatest net worth. Reality television applauds the lifestyle of those who live in luxury. And the Internet attracts readers with countless stories about them.

Even in our own lives, we do the same. We comment on the size of the houses in the neighborhood down the street. We point out the luxury car in the lane next to us. We envy fashionable clothes and designer handbags.

We desire to live the life of those who seem to have it all. In our hearts and in our affections, we praise those who live with excess.

But we are making a big mistake.

Success and excess are not the same.

7 Reasons Why We Should Stop Praising Excess.

1. Excess is often arbitrary. Sometimes, financial gain is achieved through hard work, dedication, and devoted discipline. But not always. Often times, wealth is only a result of heritage, dishonesty, or just plain luck. In those cases, no praise has been earned. And telling the difference is often more difficult than we realize.

2. Excess is rarely the wisest use of our money. Harvey Mackay once said, “If you can afford a fancy car, you can make more of an impact driving an ordinary one.” His statement is true. There are better things to do with our money than spend it on ourselves. This advice stands as wisdom when purchasing cars, houses, clothes, or technology. Just because you have the financial resources to afford excess, that does not mean it is the best option for your life. We should stop praising those who use it exclusively to that end.

3. Excess adds stress and anxiety to our lives. Not only is there a greater good that could be accomplished with our money, but increased possessions add burden and weight to our lives. Every increased possession adds increased worry. It becomes one more thing to manage, store, repair, and remove. Adding extra burden to our already short lives seems like a foolish thing to admire.

4. Excess is harming the environment around us. It is difficult to ignore the impact our praise of excess has meant on the earth. Perhaps Gandhi said it best, “The world has enough for everyone’s need, but not enough for everyone’s greed.” Holding up those who flaunt their excess as an example to follow is hardly a wise decision for anyone’s future.

5. Excess causes us to praise the wrong things. Our world keeps checking the wrong scoreboard. Those who live in excess are not necessarily the ones who live the most fulfilled lives. Often times, it is those who live quietly, humbly, and in the service of others who are the happiest. Those are the choices we should be praising and those are the lives we should be emulating.

6. Excess causes us to lose sight of the things we already have. It is impossible to find peace, gratitude, and contentment while holding on to envy of those who have more. Unfortunately, we do it all the time. Admiration is a healthy emotion, but envy is not. And choosing to exalt those who flaunt their excess results only in greater discontent.

7. Excess is not the answer. Everyone is looking for answers to the most important questions we are asking: What is the purpose of this life? Where can I find fulfillment? And what does it mean to live an abundant life? These are difficult questions with difficult answers. But surely, “owning as much stuff as possible” is not the answer to any of them. There are greater pursuits available to us than excess. But they can be difficult to discover when all our energies are being directed at the wrong things.

Admire success. But do not praise excess. Our society is longing for people who can tell the difference. (tweet that)

Don’t Buy Stuff You Don’t Need

Thanks to the creativity of Tyler Ward, I am pleased to offer a free ebook on marriage: Marriage Hacks: 25 Practical Ways to Make Love Last. The book contains contributions from 25 of the most influential Christian leaders today. I am personally excited to write alongside one of the most significant writers in my own spiritual development, Gary Thomas. I have posted my chapter below. But you can download the entire book for free.

Six years ago, we decided to embrace minimalist living.

At first, the reasons were simple: we were spending too much time caring for possessions and we were wasting too much money on stuff we didn’t need. These possessions were not bringing joy or lasting happiness. Even worse, they were keeping us from the very things that did.

But what we didn’t realize at the time was that this decision would drastically alter our marriage.

Possessions had become the Great Distraction in our lives. And the simplest way to recenter ourselves on the things that mattered most was to remove the excess from our home and lives.

We embarked upon a journey to sell, donate, recycle, and remove as many of our nonessential possessions as possible. It was one of the most life-giving decisions we have ever made—the benefits have been practical and soul-enriching. And we would recommend it to anyone.

Owning fewer possessions means less cleaning, less organizing, less repairing, and less financial burden. It brings freedom, clarity, and opportunity. Intentionally owning less frees time, energy, and space—resources that could be spent pursuing our greatest passions.

Our lives and marriages require space to be lived and experienced to the fullest. But in a world of ever-increasing speed, time for reflection and investment in the things that matter becomes more and more difficult to discover.

Our world is built on consumerist pursuits—and rejecting those tendencies requires great intentionality from each of us.

Hans Hofmann, the legendary painter once said it like this, “The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.”

Often times, our marriages follow the same unfortunate trajectory. At first, when we have nothing but each other, we focus intently on the important essential building blocks of a healthy marriage. But as our relationship continues forward, less important things begin to accumulate and distract us from the very keys to a successful marriage.

As a result, we start to worry more about the appraisal value of our home than the value of our relationship. We check the health of our retirement account far more often than the health of our marriage. We spend more time taking care of the car in our garage than the other person in our bedroom. And the maintenance of our physical possessions dominates our evenings and weekends, when the maintenance of our relationship should be taking precedent.

Nonessential possessions begin to accumulate and demand our money, energy, and precious time. As a result, we have little left over for the very elements that make our marriages work.

Those who experience a fulfilled marriage from beginning to end intentionally limit selfish distractions and accumulation. They realize a nice home, fast car, or bloated retirement account may appear nice to have, but in the end, do not make a successful marriage. And if not kept in proper perspective, they actually begin to distract us from it.

To limit the burden of excess possessions in your family, consider these seven intentional, countercultural decisions:

1. Choose a home based on need, not opportunity Sit down and determine what specific requirements your home will need to meet: size, location, length of stay, sometimes occupation. When you begin house-hunting, focus on them solely. Do not choose a home based on a pre-approved loan amount or even income. Choose based on personal need instead.

2. Never carry a car payment. Almost every person I know who is falling behind in their finances carries a car loan and payment. Don’t do it—ever. Buy the most reliable car you can afford with your cash savings and immediately begin setting aside money for your next one. And even if you can afford a luxury car, remember you can do more good by simply buying a reliable one.

3. Purchase technology based on the problem it solves. Technology advances at a dizzying pace. Keeping up can become an all-consuming, savings-draining pursuit. To counter its allure, remember the purpose of technology is to make our lives easier by solving problems. Before purchasing any new technology billed as the latest and greatest, ask yourself this question: “What existing problem does it solve?” If a new technology is not solving an existing problem, it is only adding to them.

4. Live on one income—even if you earn two. One of the most valuable pieces of financial advice we ever received came early in our marriage when both my wife and I were working. Our pastor encouraged us to live entirely on my income and save every penny my wife earned. We did just that. Her earnings became our first down payment on a home. But more importantly, it prevented lifestyle creep from setting in. And when our first child was born, becoming a one-income family was an easy transition.

5. Put the spender in charge of family finances. While this may or may not suit your family’s unique dynamics, it has been entirely helpful for ours. I hold a Bachelor’s Degree in Banking and Finance. My first job out of college was Accounting. I understand budgets, spreadsheets, assets, and liabilities. But my wife is a bigger spender than me. And one of the most helpful actions we took as a family was to put her entirely in charge of the family finances. Because our bank account levels were always small, she became far more careful with her purchases—and worked really hard to keep me in line too.

6. Use entertainment for rest, not escape. Entertainment moves our emotion, occupies our heart, and exercises our mind—or at least, it should. Choose to invest your entertainment dollars in places that will improve your life. There is nothing wrong with enjoying entertainment. It serves an important purpose. Rest is an essential characteristic of our lives. However, entertainment can quickly become a personal and financial burden if we use it as a means to routinely escape our own reality rather than deal with it in a healthy way.

7. Give away (at least) 10%. There are numerous religious traditions that teach the importance of giving away 10%. Personally, it is a financial philosophy we have put into practice during times of both little and plenty. The gifts benefit the receiver. But more than that, the gifts benefit the giver. It brings fulfillment and joy and meaning to our lives. But maybe the greatest benefit of generosity is the realization that we already have enough.

We should be careful to not add extra burden to our marriages by chasing and accumulating material possessions. Our money is only as valuable as what we choose to spend it on. And so are our lives.

***

Marriage Hacks: 25 Practical Ways to Make Love Last is available for free on NoiseTrade.

Enough is Enough

“Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little.” —Epicurus

Enough is a freeing concept and a liberating reality.

Those who have accumulated enough are left without wanting. They are no longer required to strive for more. Instead, they live free and content.

Most of us are driven by the desire to own enough physical possessions. This is good and true—to provide for ourselves and our family is a worthy pursuit. It is a wonderful reality to experience the freedom that accompanies owning enough.

Because of this desire, we spend our days pursuing the increased possession of material goods—both financial and material.

And while there is nothing wrong with this pursuit, I wonder if our culture has unintentionally shifted from the pursuit of enough to the pursuit of excess. Consider the fact that most of us already own enough:

Our roof provides shelter for our entire family. Our rooms are furnished with places to sit and lie. Our dressers are filled with clothes. Our closets are supplied with towels and linens. Our pantries and our freezers are stocked with food. Our toy chests house plenty of toys.

We already have enough.

Unfortunately, we live in a world that constantly redefines this notion of enough:

50 years ago, a house of 1,000 square feet was considered enough. Today, the average new home is 2,300 square feet—and still 10% of us rent off-site storage.
30 years ago, 1.5 televisions in every home was considered enough. Today, the average American home contains more televisions than people. And when every room is full, the industry begins to redefine enough in terms of size and picture-quality.
15 years ago, less than half of American adults owned a cell phone. Today, over 90% of adults own a cell phone—and 80% of 12-year olds.

Our world works relentlessly to redefine enough. In a consumer-based society, they are required to do so.

The goal of advertising is to stir within us the thinking that we do not yet own enough. Marketers work to change our attitude about their product or service from “that’s extravagant” to “I want that” to “I need that.”

Once they can convince us we need it, our purchase is just a matter of time. If they can make us believe we don’t have enough until we own their product, they know we will continue to pursue ownership of it.

Our definition of enough has been artificially moved by a self-serving entity. And because our new definition of enough has remained unachieved, our ability to enjoy its freedom has been lost.

Once again, we are held in bondage to its pursuit. We spend more of our days pursuing the money to fund the increased possession of material goods. All with the goal of finally attaining enough.

But we already have enough. Once we train ourselves to recognize this truth, we are freed from the pursuit of more, we are liberated from the bondage of discontent, and we begin to experience true freedom in our lives.

Best of all, once we realize we already own enough, we are freed to pursue more worthy endeavors than the accumulation of excess.

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” ―Ralph Waldo Emerson

Minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of everything that distracts us from it. It requires a conscious decision. It is a counter-cultural lifestyle that stands against the culture of overconsumption that surrounds us.

The world we live in is not friendly to the pursuit of minimalism. Its tendencies and relentless advertising campaigns call us to acquire more, better, faster, and newer. The journey of finding simplicity requires consistent inspiration.

For that reason, I hope you will make an effort this weekend to find a quiet moment with a cup of coffee or tea and enjoy some of these hand-picked articles to encourage more simplicity in your life.

Searching for Happiness | Medium by J. D. Andre. Once you put your happiness on the the other side of tomorrow, you will always put your happiness on the other side of tomorrow.

Reclaiming Our (Real) Lives From Social Media | The New York Times by Nick Bilton. Am I more enriched as a human being after a couple of hours spent on Facebook? Maybe, but probably not.

A Diet of Distraction | Unfiltered by Melissa Camara Wilkins. Newer doesn’t mean better. Newer doesn’t mean more important.

Report Confirms No Need To Make New Chairs For The Time Being | The Onion. “As far as chairs go, we’re basically set.”

How Little Can You Get Away With? | Minimal Mac by Patrick Rhone. My bet is, you will be amazed at how little you can get away with to achieve what you really need.

Image: Moebius Arts

11 Bold Steps Taken by Remarkable People. (Insights from #WDS2014)

I spent last weekend in Portland, OR attending the World Domination Summit. It is, without a doubt, my favorite conference to attend and quite possibly, one of the greatest weekend conferences available today.

I attend each year for the community—the people motivate me, help me, and change me. I enjoyed great food and wonderful conversations with friends, both old and new.

But I also attend WDS for the amazing speakers and inspiration. The conference is built on community, adventure, and service. Each speaker contributes to one of the three themes. Through the years, WDS speakers have changed me in significant ways. This year was no different.

There are numerous blog posts written that contain detailed notes from each of the presentations. But I wanted to personally record the insights I gleaned during the weekend. Each of the speakers live a remarkable life in his or her own way—and I have much to learn from them.

These insights represent the specific motivation that was resonating in my heart during each of the 11 presentations. I include them here in this public forum to remind myself of the lessons learned and to challenge each of us to live bold lives.

11 Bold Steps Taken by Remarkable People

1. Go big. Remarkable people dream big dreams for their lives. They do not settle for mediocrity or unintentionality. They refuse to settle for excuses. They stand up, step out, and get moving. They understand it is “easier to act your way into a new way of thinking, than think your way into a new way of acting.” Inspiration: A.J. Jacobs

2. Declare their dreams. There is significant power in bold declarations. Speaking our hopes and dreams move them into the physical world where they begin to take substance—and result in increased accountability. While not every next step will be taken perfectly, sharing your dreams often brings the motivation to begin taking action. And imperfect action is always better than inaction. Inspiration: Jadah Sellner

3. Use their talents. We are beautifully and wonderfully made with talents and gifts and potential. Remarkable people believe this to be true of themselves and others. And when they do, they find great joy and peace in the lives they have been given. They work to develop their talents. And they look for opportunities to make the most of them. Inspiration: Gavin Aung Than

4. Speak their voice. Each of our voices are distinct and deserve to be heard. We need all different types of voices to offer hope and life to our world. Remarkable people do not silence their voice or change it to sound like all the others. Instead, they find it, embrace it, and use it for good. Inspiration: Shannon Galpin

5. Identify lifestyle drift and realign. Unintentionality will always derail a remarkable life. The world is full of distractions and temptations. As a result, those who do not take the time to align their lives with their greatest purpose will never fully realize it. Instead, their lives drift into mediocrity. People who live remarkable lives routinely check their momentum and their motivation—keeping both in a proper place.  Inspiration: Michael Hyatt

6. Choose the path of greatest contribution. Most people choose the easy route—the path of least resistance is well-worn at both work and home. But remarkable people choose a different path. They choose the route of greatest contribution and greatest significance. They know it will require hard work and dedication. They know it will be lonely at times. But they are moved forward by their desire for contribution. Inspiration: Saki Mafundikwa

7. Remove distraction. Money and entertainment and leisure call for our attention. Distractions surface on televisions, computers, billboards, and magazines. People who live remarkable lives seek to remove them—ruthlessly. When the mediocre has been removed, excellence remains. Inspiration: Dee Williams

8. Be bothered. Our world is full of injustice. Children and women and even entire civilizations are often mistreated by those who abuse their power. People who accomplish remarkable things take notice and allow injustice to move them. They do not ignore it. They do not excuse it. They choose to stand against it. Inspiration: John Francis

9. Dare to attempt. Nobody avoids failure their entire lives. But not everybody is defined by it. Remarkable lives are accomplished by those who dare to attempt regardless of the outcome. And when failure occurs, they dare to attempt again. Inspiration: Elise Blaha Cripe

10. Do the work. Living a remarkable life takes effort and work. It requires a conscience decision to consume less and create more. The days are short and our years pass quickly. Those who want to create something remarkable choose to spend their precious hours doing the work and contributing to the world around them. Inspiration: Scott Berkun

11. Never give up their power of choice. The only people who can change the world are people who want to. And not everybody does. The power of choice can never be taken from us. We may not be able to change our circumstance, but we can always choose our response to it. In life, to live is to retain the power of choice. Remarkable people know this and choose wisely. Inspiration: John Jantsch

Be bold. Be remarkable.

Image: Chris Guillebeau

Excess is Not the Same as Success

“When success is equated with excess, the ambition for excess wrecks us.” —Switchfoot, American Dream

We live in a complicated world—one that has confused excess with success.

We desire lasting significance and influence and impact, but spend most of our time chasing temporal possessions.

Consider how many of our resources are directed towards this accumulation of material goods. We spend our hours earning money. We spend our money buying products. We waste our energy caring for them. And then we punch the time clock on Monday to start the process again.

For an economy based on consumerism to thrive, goods must move. Money must be earned, money must be spent, and the demand for material possessions must continue to increase. Our economy must constantly create goods and manufacture needs.

The result is a world of excess. Even when basic physical needs are met (shelter, clothing, food), the cycle must continue. More goods must be created and more need must be manufactured.

Excess becomes the unintended goal of a consumeristic economy. (tweet that)

Somewhere, understandably, excess also became the goal of the individual. Whoever dies with the most toys wins became the reigning mantra of our culture.

This was an unfortunate turn.

Our souls long for greater accomplishments than the accumulation of material possessions. Nobody sits across the table from another human being and unequivocally declares their greatest goal is to own as much stuff as possible. We think and dream in much broader terms.

We long for something greater than material excess. Our hearts define success differently.

We desire significance. To be known as good fathers and mothers and husbands and wives and friends and citizens.

We desire influence. To use our gifts and make the world better. We want to know our lives mattered for something.

We desire freedom and opportunity. Not just for ourselves, but for others.

We desire love. To be fully known and fully accepted.

Unfortunately, too often, our unchecked pursuit of more stands in the way of this success. Excess material possessions steal our money, time, energy, and freedom. Our definition of true success gets lost in the noise.

Rediscover your greatest goals. Redefine your greatest pursuits. And refuse to equate material excess with lasting success.

The American Dream Does Not Cost $130,000/year

This past weekend, USA Today published a report estimating the American Dream now costs $130,000/year to attain. You can find the entire article and figures here: Price tag for the American dream: $130K a year

Based on these figures, only 1 out of 8 American families are living the dream. Yours truly would be excluded.

To compute the numbers, the author determined first to define the American Dream. Based on surveys and interviews, the American Dream became defined as “economic security, finding and pursuing a rewarding career, leading a healthy and personally fulfilling life, being able to retire in comfort, and opportunity for their children to live a better life.” All good things.

With this as the goal, the actual cost of the American Dream was parsed into several broad categories:

The Essentials (housing, food, transportation, medical, utilities): $58,491
Extras (vacation, entertainment, eating out, communications): $17,009
Taxes/Savings (taxes, college savings, retirements): $54,857

Yearly income required for security, health, fulfillment, comfortable retirement, and opportunity for your offspring? $130,357

The article has continued to grow in popularity since its publication on Friday. It has been shared via social media thousands of times and has been reprinted in countless publications around the world: Detroit, Seattle, New Orleans, Great Britain, just to name a few.

This is unfortunate. Not only because the article is untrue, but because it is harmful.

For starters, consider the math. The notion that a family of four must own a $275K home, drive an SUV, spend $5K on summer vacation, and eat $315 worth of food every week is foolishness. The presumption that security and fulfillment and happiness can only be found in the ownership of these luxuries is a shameful misrepresentation of our heart’s greatest desires. I know countless people who live fulfilled and content lives on far less—all the while planning on a comfortable retirement and providing opportunity for their children.

Nevertheless, it is not the math that worries me so much and prompted this public response. Instead, it is the unintended (or maybe intended) consequence of this article. And my only hope is that these words will find their way into the minds of those who need to read them.

The bold proclamation that an annual income of $130K is required for the American Dream carries with it serious consequences:

It breeds discontent. 7 out of 8 American families are being told their lives would be more fulfilling if they had more money. As a result, our standards become redefined. While we may have been living a perfectly content life with far less annual income, we are forced to reconsider the possibility that we may be missing the really good life—and even worse, that we may never fully attain it.

It breeds jealousy and envy. 7 out of 8 American families are left out of the American Dream, left only to wish and dream it could be theirs. Soon, comparison begins to settle in our minds. The presence of bigger houses, faster cars, and corner offices become more apparent than ever before. And we begin to ask ourselves, “Why do they get to live the American Dream and not us?” Jealousy has taken root.

It breeds resentment. When jealousy and envy take hold of a heart, resentment is soon to follow. Not only do we wish we had what they had, but we soon become bitter towards those who have more. And whether we are in the 87.5% or the 99%, resentment will always steal more joy from us than it will from the other person.

The American Dream does not require $130K/year. To claim that it does, is to grow discontent, jealousy, and resentment in many American families. Indeed, this article harms us as individuals.

And it harms us as a nation because it is based on a faulty definition of the American Dream.

This past weekend, we celebrated Independence Day in America. Towns and Cities all across our great Republic were united in their celebration: 238 years ago, our forefathers stood up against what they believed to be unfair laws and unfair taxation without representation.

These are the words they chose to boldly declare their independence on July 4th, 1776:

We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness—that to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men.

This, then, is the American Dream. It always has been and must continue to be so: that each of us would be allowed to experience life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And government would not stand in the way of these pursuits.

As Americans, we are free to pursue our own happiness—however we decide to define it—in whatever lawful manner we desire. And those of us who have chosen to define happiness and security apart from $250K mortgages and SUVs in the garage are free to do so. Because there are greater and more important pursuits available to us than material possessions.

This is the American Dream. And it costs far less than $130K/year.

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

The simplicity/minimalism movement is a beautiful community. It is friendly, encouraging, and helpful. There is a genuine understanding that any promotion of simplicity is good for society—and there is little concern over who gets the credit for it.

It is a pleasure to be part of such a wonderful group of people. And I enjoy every opportunity to promote writing that encourages people to live more by owning less. So fix yourself a nice warm cup of coffee or tea. Find a quiet moment this weekend. And enjoy some encouraging words to inspire more simplicity in your life today.

Why We Humblebrag About Being Busy | Harvard Business Review by Greg McKeown. We have a problem—and the odd thing is we not only know about it, we’re celebrating it.

How to Live a Happy Life | TIME by Eric Barker. Research shows that savoring—really taking the time to appreciate good things—is one of the secrets of the happiest people.

Searching for Happiness | Medium by J. D. Andre. Don’t make your happiness (and peace, and contentment) reliant on something you need to change or acquire, because there will always be something that you need to change or acquire.

Let’s start a revolution – by axing our personal debt | The Guardian by Alex Andreou. Don’t buy one thing you don’t really need today. Certainly, don’t buy it with borrowed money. Rinse and repeat tomorrow.

You’re Not Giving Yourself Enough Credit | Storyline by Joshua Becker. In the end, our lives are not measured by the accomplishments. They are measured by the little steps and decisions we make every day.

Image: Markus Spiske

The Responsibility of Opportunity

On Tuesday of last week, the temperature was 102 degrees in Phoenix. While hot, I didn’t mind it too much. My home is air-conditioned. When I need to go somewhere, the Max A/C in my Honda Accord cools me down seemingly within seconds.

For lunch that day, I had a taco salad. The lettuce was purchased through our local timeshare, the meat had been bought from the grocery store and cooked the night before. I warmed up the meat in my microwave, but chopped the onion, jalapeño, and olives fresh.

Lunch was good—and filling. I even skipped the cookie afterwards.

I did decide to brew myself a cup of coffee that afternoon. I used Gevalia House Blend (it is one of my favorites) and added a small shot of Coffeemate Caramel Macchiato creamer—just enough to take the edge off and sweeten the cup for the afternoon.

With my coffee, I sat down with my laptop at my dining room table to do some work for the afternoon. I placed my cell phone facedown on the table and decided to open Facebook first.

Near the top of my Newsfeed was an article from the New York Times: So Similar, So Different. The tagline caught my attention, “For these 2 women, the lottery of birth decides opportunity.”

I was intrigued. I clicked over to the New York Times website completely unprepared for the emotion that would accompany my reading of the story.

You are welcome to go read the article. I highly recommend it before continuing with this post. But if you don’t have the time, here’s a short synopsis:

Journalist Nicholas Kristof writes about an encounter last month where he was accompanied on a visit to Myanmar with a 20-year old college student from Notre Dame named Nicole Sganga. Upon arriving at a remote village, Nicholas and Nicole met a 20-year old woman named Sajan. The parallels between the two women immediately attracted them to one another: same age, same gender, both bright, hard-working, and fun-loving.

And yet, the differences were overwhelming. Nicole is from a middle-class family in Long Island, being educated in journalism, and doesn’t plan to start her family until ago 30. Sajan dropped out of school at age 10 when her father died, was traded for marriage at age 13, raises 2 children, has no electricity, shoes, or sandals, and can only leave home with her husband’s permission.

Two young women, born at almost the same time, both with talent and dreams, both seizing opportunities, yet only one in a context in which her abilities can come fully into play.

Talent is universal, but opportunity is not. May those of us who have been given opportunity refuse to waste it. (tweet that)

As I considered my own life in light of this story, I was reminded of the great opportunity I have been afforded. By the simple, uncontrollable nature of my birth, I have been given enviable gifts: shelter, clothing, food, clean water… shoes. These are simple necessities that many human beings around the world will go without. I grew up in a safe, middle-class neighborhood with public schools and parks and rec departments. I did nothing to earn this opportunity—it was granted to me solely by the lottery of my birth.

And yet, how often do I take it all for granted? Nicholas Kristof’s piece caused me to become further aware of the responsibility associated with the opportunity I have been given—and convicted at how often I squander it.

Your life is different than mine. But I encourage you today to consider the blessing of the opportunity you have been afforded. And determine to make the most of your opportunity.

Be grateful. Those of us who have been given opportunity should be grateful daily. Too often, we think about all the things we don’t have instead of the wonderful things we already possess. Consider again the story of Sajan—and sense your responsibility to be grateful for the life and the chances you have been given.

Be diligent. There is great responsibility that accompanies our opportunity. Our most important response is to make wise and diligent use of it. Work hard. Study hard. Everyday.

Do not overvalue comfort. There is a natural inclination in each of us to avoid pain at all costs. But only through trials in life do we develop patience and perseverance and maturity. Those who have seemingly been given opportunity to avoid pain and discomfort must be careful to not value comfort over growth.

Own less. Our unearned gift of opportunity ought to give us pause in our consumerist pursuits. Sure, we studied hard in school and worked hard to develop our skills in order to earn the type of living we can now afford. But are bigger houses, faster cars, trendier fashion, and cooler toys really the greatest use of our money? Especially when there are so many people in our world with equal drive and talent, but without opportunity.

Remember others. One danger among those who have opportunity is to forget those who do not. And whether we are talking about inequality in America or around the world, one of our ongoing responsibilities is to remind ourselves that injustice still exists.

Care for Others. With your time, your talents, and your dollars. Find trustworthy organizations that are working to solve these problems at home and overseas. Get involved financially by contributing from your excess. I am a fan of both Compassion and Heartwork (both are working hard to provide opportunity to kids in developing countries), but there are countless others.

Opportunity is not universal. May those of us who receive it, appreciate the great responsibility that accompanies it.

The Single Easiest Habit Change to Improve Your Life Forever

Life change can be hard, really hard. There is a reason we make resolutions every January 1. We desire to grow and improve and live life to the fullest, but getting there takes discipline and work and effort. Too often, we fall short of the desired change we desire to embrace.

But there is one change available to us that is as significant and beneficial as any of the others. The decision and implementation are really not that difficult. In fact, almost everyone I have ever met that made the change recommends it.

Watch less television.

Consider the negative effects of television on our lives.

It is bad for our health. Numerous studies draw direct parallels between excessive television watching, obesity, and poor eating habits. But we don’t need studies to tell us we eat less healthy when watching television. We already know that.

It distracts us from the real people in our lives. The characters on television are not real. They are thought up in an office building and given life on a piece of paper. In contrast, you are surrounded everyday by real people living real lives. They need you. And you need them.

It influences our spending habits. Corporations do not spend trillions of dollars in advertising hoping to influence you. They spend trillions of dollars because they know, eventually, they will gain some control over your spending.

It costs us money. We spend money to power our television sets. Add in the cost of cable/satellite bills, dvd’s, Internet channel subscriptions, movie subscriptions, peripherals … and we’re starting to talk about real money.

It, literally, causes us less satisfaction with life. According to the Journal of Economic Psychology, TV viewers report lower life satisfaction, higher material aspirations, and more anxiety.

It results in less intimacy with your spouse. Couples who keep a TV in the bedroom have sex half as often as those who don’t.

And those are only the ones we are aware of. When we consider how television influences our worldview, impacts our kids, changes our mood, and demands our mental energy, the downsides of too much television make an almost airtight case to watch less of it.

But statistics say we watch television nearly 40 hours per week. 40 hours! That is 2,000 hours we could have spent last year doing anything else, experiencing any other positive habit: learning, reading, growing, contributing, or pursuing a dream.

When I decided to watch less television years ago, I was immediately forced to fill my evenings with something else. We spent more time together as a family. We spent more time outdoors. I began to write more. I decided to visit the gym in the evening. I took more control over my life and my decisions. These are all good things—healthy habits—and cutting out television provided opportunity for me to accomplish them.

Not only are the negative effects of TV detrimental to our lives, the opportunity cost is great. There are just better, more life-fulfilling things we could be doing with our evenings and weekends.

If you agree, here are some helpful tips to reduce your personal television watching habits.

1. Begin with the decision. Most of the healthy habits that emerge in our lives are the result of an intentional decision. If you agree that your life may improve with this simple change, embrace it. If you don’t think it will improve your life, review the above list again.

2. Less can be different than none. Put down your defenses. I’m advocating less, not none. I realize some TV can be educational and entertainment is not necessarily an exercise in futility. We still have one TV in our house that I watch occasionally. But I do watch far less… and maybe you should too.

3. Limit the number of televisions in your home. One of our first steps in reducing clutter in our home was to take the TV out of the kitchen. As an unexpected result, I began to discover how much I enjoyed cooking. And removing the TV out of our bedroom reminded me how much I enjoyed…

4. Find a good season to start. While this habit could be incorporated at any time, nice weather outside (or a busy season) provides a natural opportunity to enact a change—especially if you have family to get onboard.

5. If necessary, go it alone. Speaking of family, just because you are personally feeling challenged in this area does not mean they are too. That’s okay. Make the change in your own life first. Become the change you would like to see in your family.

6. Be intentional about planning something else. Go for a walk. Find a book. Join a club. Or pick up a new hobby. Intentionally picking something else to do will keep the temptation to a minimum.

7. Try to eliminate specific shows. It may seem easier to make sweeping generalities such as, “I’ll stop watching TV on Thursday nights,” “I’ll turn off the TV at 10pm,” or “I’ll cut out all reality shows.” But for us, at first, it was easier to pick some specific shows that we could easily live without. When we started to experience the benefits of living life rather than watching it, it was suddenly easier to cut out even more.

8. Know it gets even easier over time. Television is a self-propagating habit. It promotes its own self-interests by boldly declaring the Best New Show, Most Watched Network, Can’t Miss Episode, or Game of the Year. They play on our fear of missing-out. But as you commit to watching less, you are less persuaded by these claims because you see them less. Quickly you will realize you aren’t really missing that much anyway.

Life change can be hard. But some decisions have a greater beneficial impact than others. And watching less television just may be your quickest shortcut to better living right away—it only takes the decision to hit the Power-Off button.