Michael Kindt's Blog, page 30
October 4, 2016
Insomniac Blueberry Pie from scratch. Fuckin’ A.
Insomniac Blueberry Pie from scratch. Fuckin’ A.
2:23 in the AM and I’m up making a blueberry pie from scratch.
Secret ingredient for a delightfully flaky crust? Lard, baby. Laaarrrrrd.
The girl sleeping in my bed is going to have a wonderful breakfast. Me, I’ll be unconscious (hopefully).
If’n it turns out super purdy, I’ll post a pic.
October 3, 2016
Gen Xers look on in amusement as Millennials are exactly like...
Gen Xers look on in amusement as Millennials are exactly like the Baby Boomers were when they were in their 20s, except they all have their heads down looking at their phones.
There. Fixed it.
October 2, 2016
I myself am a Dapper Dan man.
I myself am a Dapper Dan man.
"Fettuccine Alfredo is just macaroni and cheese for adults."
- Mitch Hedberg
One time I told a Mitch Hedberg joke on the internet
It was “I like escalators because escalators can’t break. They can only become stairs”.
Normal people laughed, but there was one guy who was upset at the joke.
“Escalators can most definitely break!” he said, and provided several helpful links to news stories about escalators breaking. One in a mall had even partially collapsed, injuring a shopper.
Seriousism needs to be stamped out, people. Comical lives matter!
Here is a picture of my dog Duke who needs a sweater. You can...
Here is a picture of my dog Duke who needs a sweater. You can kind of see how big he is in relation to my briefcase. The briefcase has two Bibles on it, but they aren’t his. He worships the old Germanic gods, especially Woden.
Gonna buy my dog Duke a sweater
Me. I’m going to go and get in the truck, drive down to the dog sweater store (I’ll need to look in the yellow pages I suspect), get out, go in, and buy a dog sweater. Using money, I will pay for it, go home, and put it on him. Then I will laugh my ass off.
Just kidding.
The poor little weirdo gets cold out in the yard. The hair on my head (see photos of me) is longer than the hair on his body (which is oddly barrel-shaped even though he isn’t fat). He is basically bald on his belly and shivers when he’s outside even if it’s only for a few minutes and it makes me sad.
So I’m going to buy him a dog sweater. He is a boy, so I’m getting him a pink one. Screw gender roles.
I have things to bitch about, so I'm gonna
How come the grocery store nearest to my house doesn’t carry cranberry juice? What’s that all about? Don’t they realize I have a urine infection? What the hell are all these cranberry cocktail things? Is cranberry juice afraid to be alone? Does it have ‘issues’? Have you ever noticed that people and apparently juices who hate to be alone always talk the most, dominate the conversation? Is that why cranberry comes first in all these concoctions? Cran-apple, cran-grape, cran-carrot, cran-pom, cran-pear, cran-cuke.
Dude, I just want some cranberry juice. Don’t you realize I have a urine infection?
And how come I can’t just go to a sit-down restaurant and get a burger? Why is it always some Barbecue Bacon Blaster Burger? Why are there onion rings on it? A fried egg? Ham? Thinly shaved lamb testicles paired with lightly bruised raspberries and smothered in super secret simian sauce? What the fuck?
Dude, I just want a burger. Lettuce, tomato, pickle, and onion. Isn’t this America anymore?
