Kristen Lamb's Blog, page 88

Feeling Overwhelmed? Social Media Can Make Us Crazy–Part 1

Image courtesy of Cellar Door Films WANA Commons

Social media is bright, fun, shiny, and it can also feel like the Chuck E. Cheese from Hell.  As writers of the Digital Age we have a much higher chance at success than any writer in history, but we also have more work than any writer in history. And, to make matters worse, spouses, bills, kiddos with snotty noses, dust bunnies and car troubles don’t go away the day we decide to become professional writers.

RDD Can Make Us Nuts

RDD is what I like to call Reality Deficit Disorder. Like the flu, this disease seems to explode January of every year, normally brought on by New Year’s Resolutions. We vow to be 18% body fat, debt-free, have an immaculate house, build a perfect social platform with a bazillion fans, and win the Pulitzer…all by March. We seem to collectively go crazy and forget that we can only do so much.

Many writers experience RDD when it comes to social media. We sign up for Facebook, and build an author page, and link to LinkedIn, and pin on Pinterest until our pinners are dull from wear. Vowing to do everything, eventually we do nothing. We become paralyzed in the face of all we’ve committed to do.

Time to Get Real

Thus, the first step to preventing being overwhelmed is to be realistic in our goals and expectations. If we’ve already blown that, the trick to pulling ourselves out of the tail-spin is to sit down, rework our priorities, and commit to being more realistic.

Goals are written on paper not stone.

Successful people don’t just make a list of goals ONCE. The list of goals is always a living document in need of modification, reordering, or even being scrapped altogether.

Persistence is a wonderful trait. Persistence is noble. But persistence can look a lot like stupid.

Time to Face the Music

I tend to be a person of my word…to a fault. If I promise to do something I will half-kill myself to get it done if need be. But sometimes this is just plain DUMB. I’ve learned that most people will understand if we have to back out of something we’ve promised to do, but we MUST be honest with them and vow to make it right.

Look, Sally. I know I promised to blog every day for a year to raise money for all the starving children in Africa, but I am out of my depth. I overestimated what I can do given the demands of my schedule. I apologize. I was so caught up in wanting to help you, I didn’t think. Please forgive me. Is there anything I can do that might be a smaller job? Can I help you find other bloggers to fill my spot who do have time to blog every day for all the starving children in Africa?

Many times people will be forgiving (probably because they’ve oopsed a time or two themselves). If we just face the problem and offer to be a solution, more often than not, other people will be reasonable. Whey they aren’t reasonable is when we just don’t show up, disappear or dump a mess in their laps without any offer of help to remedy the problem.

And, as a warning. Don’t do this stuff too often. Professionals always need to take time to think before they agree to doing things. I still struggle with this, so as I have one finger pointed at you guys, I have three pointing back at me. Likely, this will be a lesson we continually learn and relearn throughout all our lives (especially Helpful Hannah personalities like mine ). But we DO have to be careful or others won’t want to work with us because we are, essentially, flakes.

No one expects us to be perfect, but they do expect us to be honest and kind. We can do that. Yes, it is scary. It’s tough facing when we’ve erred, but making mistakes is just part of the game and how we learn. We will learn more from our mistakes than we ever will our failures.

Time to Face the True Causes of Our Angst

Making too many commitments and then (mistakenly) believing we can’t change is one of the major causes of feeling overwhelmed. It’s okay to be flexible.

Fortune Cookie Moment: The stiff oak breaks in the strong wind, but the reed that bends endures.

Remember, the commitment you made to yourself, that list of goals? It can be redone. The commitments to others? Those can be changed too, IF we are brave enough to admit we goofed and courageous enough to make things right.

Go around the leaf.

~Pixar’s “A Bug’s Life”

Have you made a list of goals that is nothing short of ridiculous? How did you come to your senses? Did you feel guilty having to rework your list? Do you struggle with being over committed? Do you struggle telling people “no”?

I love hearing from you!

To prove it and show my love, for the month of January, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less) .

And also, winners have a limited time to claim the prize, because what’s happening is there are actually quite a few people who never claim the critique, so I never know if the spam folder ate it or to look for it and then people miss out. I will also give my corporate e-mail to insure we connect and I will only have a week to return the 20 page edit.

At the end of January I will pick a winner for the monthly prize. Good luck!

I also hope you pick up copies of my best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer . And both are recommended by the hottest agents and biggest authors in the biz. My methods teach you how to make building your author platform FUN. Build a platform and still have time left to write great books.

Enemies of the Art Part 3—F.E.A.R.

Better fix those towels before he sees…

Fear is always a part of life. We all feel it to one degree or another. Trying to live a life without fear is dangerous. Why? Because there are only two types of people who never feel fear—sociopaths and drugged people. Sociopaths lack empathy and normal human emotions. They don’t feel fear, but they don’t really feel love, joy, happiness or anything else. This lack of normal human emotion is often what gets them into trouble.

Another way to not feel fear is to drug it out of existence.

Of course, the fear is still there, it’s just numbed from the conscious mind. This is often why those who choose drugs, alcohol or medication frequently need more and more and more to keep themselves numbed. People like this aren’t sociopaths, so they do feel fear.

The problem is that, fear left unaddressed feeds and grows and gets bigger. This is why it takes more booze, more Paxil, more cocaine until the fear grows to a point that the person self-destructs.

Though I (hope) it’s obvious I’m not a sociopath, I have been person #2.

My father died on his birthday very unexpectedly and while on the phone with me. Unfortunately, at the time, I was engaged to an emotionally abusive sadist. He’d been cruel for a long time, but I was afraid. He always had a way of convincing me that everything was me, and after three years of constant psychological torment, I believed him.

If I could just do what he asked of me, everything would be fine. Really.

The night my father died, I begged for my mom to come from Florida where she was living. I’d lost my dad and I needed my mom. In all the chaos, I somehow misplaced the flight number. My then-fiance screamed at me for hours about how I was stupid. After the funeral, we was enraged because I’d chosen to sit next to my grandmother instead of him. In the weeks after my dad died, he would yell at me if I cried and tell me I needed to grow up and move on.

Ever seen Sleeping with the Enemy? Yeah, that was my fiance.

He had labels in the pantry for cans: soup, corn, green beans, etc. He once screamed at me because I hadn’t lined up all the cans in the pantry correctly, label forward in the “correct” row. All the rooms were to be vacuumed and then the carpet raked, with all the marks uniform and in the same direction.

Eventually, I found the courage to walk away. The abuse had gotten so bad I would have preferred death over another minute with this man.

Think this is the end? *laughs* It was only the beginning.

After years of  being told I was too dumb to live, I was a mess. I didn’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt. I had terrible PTSD and was terrified of making even the smallest decisions, afraid I would be “wrong” and a “failure.” It didn’t help that this abusive person refused to leave my life. He injected himself to the point of being a stalker.

More fear.

I sought help, and the doctors gave me medications to “help with anxiety.” Yet, over time, I was just…flat. I no longer felt fear, but I didn’t really “feel” anything. I also noticed it took higher and higher dosages to keep the demons at bay, and, in keeping them at bay, it just seemed to give them more time to gather strength.

I found the courage to walk away from my abuser, and eventually I found the courage to walk away from medications. I woke up one day and realized that I couldn’t child-proof life. Life came with pain. Pain of failure, poor choices and even the pain of setting boundaries with lunatics. I kicked the ex out for good and started down the hardest road yet…feeling after so long NOT feeling.

In order to heal my damaged soul, I had to restore my damaged relationship with fear.

Fear can be bad. It can be F.E.A.R. which stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. That was the kind of fear that my ex had used to keep me captive. On some level, I must have believed he was right. Maybe I was stupid, damaged, hopeless, worthless.

But then there is the other fear. Fear is often a sign we are on the right track. We are getting out of our comfort zone and into a place where we will find the greatness inside of us. My ex constantly mocked the idea that I wanted to be a writer, but being a writer had been the only thing that had ever felt RIGHT. Ignoring the fear I had of failing, I stepped out in faith, trusting that if this was my true path then I could make it one step at a time.

And, by the grace of God, I have. Baby steps for the past twelve years.

Fear is powerful and it is our friend. Fear teaches us pain, but pain often prevents tragedy. When we feel the pain of being burned, we don’t rest our hands on hot stoves. Fear became a signal. It warned me early of people like my ex. It made me sensitive to red flags that the person was bad news.

Fear has also helped me stretch as an artist. If I am afraid to do something, I take time to reflect on that fear. Often that feeling of fear is a signal that I am in the right direction, that my creative boundaries are being pushed, that I’m growing.

Sometimes our only way out is through.

All writers will experience fear. It’s natural. The failure doesn’t come from not feeling fear, but rather we fail when we put FEAR in the driver’s seat in our lives. Fear is like a counselor that gives us opinions, but they are just that—opinions. We listen, take the opinions under advisement, then act according to our wills NOT FEAR’s will.

We do it afraid. Courage doesn’t come from never feeling fear. Courage is when we feel the fear and do it anyway. Write the book you’re scared write. Step out on social media where you fear to tread.

Let’s get something out of the way:

Understand you WILL fail.

Okay, now you’re free to create. You WILL fail. But also understand failure isn’t permanent, and it’s a necessary ingredient for success. The only people who never fail are the people who never attempt anything remarkable. We will be afraid our writing sucks, our stories are lame, our blogging is ridiculous and that we will never make it and our family will be right.

But what if they aren’t?

There will be pain. Pain of regret or pain from growth. We choose.

What are your thoughts? What do you fear? Have you overcome a fear that dominated your life and your choices? How did you do it? We’d love to hear your story.

I love hearing from you!

To prove it and show my love, for the month of January, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less) .

And also, winners have a limited time to claim the prize, because what’s happening is there are actually quite a few people who never claim the critique, so I never know if the spam folder ate it or to look for it and then people miss out. I will also give my corporate e-mail to insure we connect and I will only have a week to return the 20 page edit.

At the end of January I will pick a winner for the monthly prize. Good luck!

I also hope you pick up copies of my best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer . And both are recommended by the hottest agents and biggest authors in the biz. My methods teach you how to make building your author platform FUN. Build a platform and still have time left to write great books.

Lessons From Oleander–Beware of Premature Editing

Please don’t kill me.

I love to garden, but I am terrible at reading instructions, which means I am not going to read a How To book or gardening blogs, because I already have enough to read and this would steal time from my great joy…digging in the dirt. This means that, over the years, I’ve learned a lot through trial and error.

Code for : Killing Stuff

Three years ago, we bought our first home. We got a sweet deal on it, but it needed work. The yard was little more than mowed field. I couldn’t wait to get in and pretty it up. I slaved for hours in triple-digit Texas heat digging holes and clearing land for gardens. I’d always loved oleander and when I found them on sale at the local nursery, I was ecstatic. Normally, oleander this size were $50 and $60 but I got each for less than $20. I planted one on each corner of the house and dreamed of how beautiful they’d be when they matured.

Then we had the most freakish, freezing winter in Texas history. I’d never even seen snow before and suddenly we were buried in eight inches of it.

The Canadians can all stop laughing now. You guys have things like PLOWS, SNOW SHOVELS, SNOW TIRES…and COATS.

Anyway, the oleanders that seemed to be doing okay during the mild fall were obliterated. When early spring came, I cleaned up all the dead stuff and dug out all the oleanders and threw them away. All except one because I ran out of energy.

Much to my horror, guess what sprouted once it got warmer?

My last remaining oleander.

To this day, I can’t look at that oleander without grieving the other four. I feel so foolish. What if I’d just been patient? What if I hadn’t been so quick to judge what was “dead”?

This is what premature editing can do to our story. When we start hacking away and digging stuff out too soon, we have no idea what treasures we might be tossing in the garbage. Never underestimate what your subconscious is capable of doing. Our subconscious mind is planting seeds along the way that can eventually sprout into ideas better than we imagined. Editing too soon can ruin that magic and toss it in a Hefty bag, just like my poor oleanders.

Tips to Avoid Premature Editing

Fast Draft

Candace Havens teaches a method called Fast Draft. You write the entire novel in a matter of two weeks. No stopping, no looking back. No editing. This is my preferred method, because I am notorious for editing stuff to death.

Limited Edit

Allow yourself to correct typos, punctuation and grammar ONLY. Anything else that you believe needs to be changed, make a note of it in a different color. Then keep moving forward.

I know this isn’t for everyone. Every time I talk about this topic, I get a half a dozen comments from people who just can’t bear to not edit. Of course, they generally don’t have finished books, either.

In the end, these are tips. You have to find what works for you. But I would at least give these methods a try. You can always slay the adverbs later .

What are your thoughts? Have you ever gotten overzealous and edited the heart out of a story and later regretted it? What tactics do you use to keep from editing too soon? Does editing early not bother you?

I love hearing from you!

To prove it and show my love, for the month of January, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less) .

And also, winners have a limited time to claim the prize, because what’s happening is there are actually quite a few people who never claim the critique, so I never know if the spam folder ate it or to look for it and then people miss out. I will also give my corporate e-mail to insure we connect and I will only have a week to return the 20 page edit.

At the end of January I will pick a winner for the monthly prize. Good luck!

I also hope you pick up copies of my best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer . And both are recommended by the hottest agents and biggest authors in the biz. My methods teach you how to make building your author platform FUN. Build a platform and still have time left to write great books.

Maximizing Facebook–What We Can Learn From Puppy Dog Eyes and LOL Cats

You may be surprised to see me guest posting here again after the totally-blown-out-of-proportion kidnapping thing a while ago. *rolls eyes* What good is a friend who isn’t willing to do a social media intervention every so often? You’ll notice Kristen hasn’t been as hostile towards Facebook lately.

Point for me! *pumps fist*

It’s all good. Kristen and I exchanged chocolate and GF cookies…and I used the cat’s laser pointer to distract her. Soooooo, while Kristen is chasing the red dot, let’s talk FACEBOOK.

The one question I get asked about a lot is how to increase engagement on a Facebook page or profile. Engagement is the name of the game. Every click, like, share and comment on the content you post tells Facebook that people find you interesting.

When you become interesting, Facebook assumes more people will want to see your content, and shows your content to more people. Yay – see why it’s important. (This is a simplified answer.)

Yeah – I get that. But how do I increase engagement?

You may have noticed the proliferation of photos on Facebook — 300million+ photos uploaded daily. There’s a reason for that.

Facebook assigns a weight (value) to different kinds of content.

Links have the lowest weight, then status updates, and photos are given the most weight by Facebook, meaning your photos are more likely to be seen than your links or status updates. Similarly Facebook assigns value to the kinds of interaction your content receives with clicks receiving the lowest weight, then likes, with comments and shares given the most weight.

Always vary your content, don’t go all hairy wild on posting photos, but interesting and engaging photos should be part of your strategy.

So by posting a photo, your content is potentially seen by more eyeballs than if you posted a status update or a link. When people engage with that content (likes are good, comments and shares are better), Facebook will make sure that content is seen by even more people.

Romance writers instinctively know how to leverage this because they post pics of men – inspiration photos for their characters, they encourage fans to post photos of their characters, etc. And these photos encourage a flurry of likes and shares. (They post other things too.)

But I’m not a romance author. That won’t work for me.

This works for any kind of author.

Here’s a snapshot of WANA Instructor Marcy Kennedy’s page from yesterday.

Marcy’s tagline says: “Fantasy novelist and proud geek. I blog about the intersection between fiction and life because fantasy is more real than you think.” She posts all kinds of geeky stuff her fans love. Every Thursday she does a Would You Rather post – a very geeky thing to do, but that’s her brand.

Instead of writing the Would You Rather question as a status update she turns it into a simple graphic. Images receive a lot of real estate in newsfeeds, and the nature of the graphics she uses invites engagement (comments) and builds community and her brand.

Part of the reason this works so well for Marcy is the kind of question she’s asking as well. She asks questions people have an opinion about, but opinions they can share and not offend anyone with. (**Bonus tip: Non-Fiction author and WANA Instructor Leanne Shirtliffe on her Ironic Mom Facebook page does this really well with status updates.)

Sharing Blog Posts

As I mentioned above, links have the least weight with Facebook – not to say you won’t get engagement with a link but more people will have the opportunity to see your content if you use a photo.

Don’t do this exclusively, change it up, but try this strategy. Instead of just posting a link and allowing Facebook to pull in the small thumbnail image for the post, upload the main photo from your blog post and include the link to the blog post in the photo description. Or take the extra step and edit the photo so the blog question is part of the photo.

Do you enjoy the photo sharing aspect of Facebook? Have you considered using photos to help build your brand on Facebook?

I’m teaching 2 short and sweet (and cheap) classes on using Facebook to build platform next week.

10 Essentials for Your Writer/Author Facebook Page on Tuesday evening. Everyone who signs up for the course can submit their page for a live critique during the webinar.

Using Your Facebook Profile to Build Platform is on Thursday night. I’m offering this course because so many people tell me they don’t want a page they want to use their profile. Bring your questions .

Thanks so much for joining me today! See you in class *waves*.

****

*breathing heavily*

Thanks, Lisa for kidnapping me the guest post, but I don’t think that red dot wants to be caught. Johnny Pocket and I have been working on it for the past hour.

OOH! SHINY! *lamp crashes*

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, I gotta admit, you, Lisa, are the only person with the powers to make me actually LIKE Facebook. I took one of your first classes and learned so much. So for my pals out there, TAKE HER CLASS. Facebook has a bazillion members, ergo is a powerful social platform. Lisa will help guide you to use time more wisely so you can get back to writing those books.

IT WRITES THE WORDS OR IT GETS THE HOSE! *pets fluffy white dog*

I love hearing from you!

To prove it and show my love, for the month of January, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less) .

And also, winners have a limited time to claim the prize, because what’s happening is there are actually quite a few people who never claim the critique, so I never know if the spam folder ate it or to look for it and then people miss out. I will also give my corporate e-mail to insure we connect and I will only have a week to return the 20 page edit.

At the end of January I will pick a winner for the monthly prize. Good luck!

I also hope you pick up copies of my best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer . And both are recommended by the hottest agents and biggest authors in the biz. My methods teach you how to make building your author platform FUN. Build a platform and still have time left to write great books.

Enemies of the Art Part 2–Psychic Vampires

I know I went back to my deadbeat ex even though you told me not to, but I really need to talk. I don’t know what to dooooooo……

The first enemy we discussed, was Approval Addiction. Today, we discuss Psychic Vampires. We all know them and likely are related to more than a few. These are the complainers, the whiners, the neverending-vortexes-of-need, the flakes, the wafflers, the haters, the critics and the bullies.

Writing is a unique profession. We are in the entertainment business which means we wear many, many hats. We are artists, but we are also entrepreneurs in a marketplace with staggering competition, where discoverability is nothing short of a nightmare.

Our profession is also distinctive because our emotions and state of mind cannot be separated from our work. Anything that drains us, distracts us, discourages us can spell death if not dealt with early and swiftly. Toxic people will poison our muse, the root system of our art.

Things to Understand About Psychic Vampires:

Psychic Vampires are Never Full

They feed because that’s what they do. We can’t give them “just a minute of time” because they will take an hour, a day, a week, our lives.

We Can’t Change Psychic Vampires 

We can’t negotiate with them, change them, rehabilitate them or rescue them. All we can do is set boundaries and avoid them at all cost. Often these people may not mean ill, they simply can’t see the truth of what they’re doing. Thus, trying to rationalize and negotiate is a waste of time that drains our creative energy.

When It Comes to Psychic Vampires, Stand Firm

In our society, we are taught to be polite, but psychic vampires don’t take hints and they don’t go away easily. Sometimes we have to be “not nice.” Boundaries aren’t “being mean.” All healthy relationships have boundaries.

Don’t Change to “Appease” a Psychic Vampire—There IS NO Appeasing Them

Recently, a writer friend of mine posted something rather innocent on her FB page. A “friend” of 20 years went nutso, ranting on her page and then unfriended her. My friend was contemplating starting another private page to avoid insulting anyone, and I stopped her, saying something akin to:

Why are you fracturing your platform , your focus, and your time to make ONE jerk happy? He unfriended you. Good. Dead Weight did you a favor and removed himself. Be grateful. 

Psychic Vampires Start Drama to Feed

This person who started the digital row on my friend’s page fully expected her to pursue him and ask what she did wrong and how she could make it right and blah, blah, blah, drama, drama, drama….

BAH! That’s crap. Let the vamp start drama elsewhere. Eventually, if enough people starve the PV, he/she might get a little enlightenment and be forced to grow up and change.

Common Psychic Vampires and How to Stake Handle Them:

Friends who repeatedly go back to deadbeat exes and then want to whine.

Tip: RUN!

Family members who continually make stupid decisions because they know you’ll be there to “fix” things.

Tip: Voicemail. We all learn by failing. When we rescue others from their failures we aren’t doing any favors. We are actually setting them up for a harder fall with harsher consequences.

Remember, we learn to swim faster if we aren’t provided water wings.

Writer pals who believe in luck not work, who want to gripe non-stop about how unfair publishing is.

Tip: Change writing groups before they poison your attitude and work ethic.

Pals who start dumb drama on social media and drag you into it.

Tip: Unfriend. They are tarnishing your author brand. If they don’t value your brand, they don’t value you. If they genuinely apologize, let them back. ONCE.

People who want you to be their personal free therapist.

Tip: Be unavailable.

Friends who take and don’t give.

Tip: Distance yourself and make better friends. Be too busy with REAL friends to cater to deadbeats. Hopefully, Deadbeat will get a clue and mend her ways. No company is better than BAD company.

Friends/family who change their minds what they want to do with their lives all the time, and want your unwavering support and advice. But, since they never make up their minds and stick to anything, the effort stresses and exhausts YOU.

Tip: They will never make up their minds. Cut bait. Or simply be quiet and wait. Something shiny will distract them soon enough.

Friends, family who can’t be trusted to keep their word.

Tip: Don’t rely on them or we’re the fool.

Friends or family who only remember you when they want/need something.

Tip: Again, voicemail.

I know it seems like I am recommending a lot of avoidance tactics. Yep. We’re writers, not shrinks. Feel free to try some loving confrontation, but most Psychic Vampires are so steeped in their own immaturity and self-centered ways they will only defend, attack, or fight and then we are right back feeding their need for drama.

What are your thoughts? Am I being too harsh? What would you recommend? Do you have some Psychic Vampires in your life and no idea what to do? Have you effectively dealt with Psychic Vampires and have some tips to offer?

I love hearing from you!

To prove it and show my love, for the month of January, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less) .

And also, winners have a limited time to claim the prize, because what’s happening is there are actually quite a few people who never claim the critique, so I never know if the spam folder ate it or to look for it and then people miss out. I will also give my corporate e-mail to insure we connect and I will only have a week to return the 20 page edit.

At the end of January I will pick a winner for the monthly prize. Good luck!

I also hope you pick up copies of my best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer . And both are recommended by the hottest agents and biggest authors in the biz. My methods teach you how to make building your author platform FUN. Build a platform and still have time left to write great books.

Plagiarism and Terrell Mims–A Chronic Case of EPIC Stupid

Image courtesy of ArtbyRetta WANA Commons

I tend to be a Naive Nell. I feel one of my best qualities is I see the best in everyone. What’s my greatest weakness? I see the best in everyone. I also like to give new people opportunities. I know that without people like Candy Havens, Bob Mayer, Les Edgerton, James Scott Bell, Agent Laurie McLean and others, I wouldn’t be where I am, which is an AWESOME place, namely because you guys are here.

This said, I like to pay it forward. Ah, but paying it forward can bite back, and I’ve been bitten way more times than I care to admit.

So back to stupid. NO, EPIC stupid.

I don’t even think I should have to blog about this, because COME ON! Plagiarism? In this day and age? REALLY????

Just…really.

But, we live in a world that must caution us not to blow-dry our hair in the shower or use power saws while sleeping, so here goes.

Plagiarism. Yes, it happens.

And I don’t like telling this story, namely because it makes me look like the Wold’s Biggest Jack@$$, but hey. I’m willing to be embarrassed if you guys can get something useful out of it.

A Little History

A few years ago, I decided to try a different kind of writing workshop. I’d been in a traditional “let’s read 5 pages and critique” group, and, while that was a lot of fun and I learned a lot, I felt the format couldn’t handle larger works, particularly novels. Thus, a handful of the members and I decided to meet for a content critique group that focused more on making sure authors began with a solid plot structure. Line-edit was for later.

We all grew exponentially as artists.

Excited about what this format did in person, I was eager to try an on-line version to help authors who couldn’t make a meeting in Fort Worth, TX. I didn’t know if it would work (it didn’t, btw), but it was at least worth a try. Shortly after starting the workshop, however, my grandmother became suddenly ill. She was in and out of the hospital and I had a one-year-old and deadlines, blah, blah, blah. So I asked one of the original members of the in-person critique group, Terrell Mims, to help me with the critique as a co-instructor.

Why?

Because he was blogging on craft and his blogs were OUTSTANDING. He was proof this new format worked. He’d gone from not knowing his @$$ from a hole in the ground to writing lessons that rivaled my own (and I spent MONTHS reading every craft book I could find).

Even when I talked to him on the phone, he was quite insightful about craft, frequently quoting books like The Writer’s Journey, Hooked, Save the Cat , Plot and Structure and Bullies, Bastards and Bitches (all FABULOUS books and recommended reading for the workshop).

His blogs were superlative, and he was quick to give credit to me and to WANA for his growth as a writer.

Awwwww.

*growls*

Anyway, Terrell was ideal to help with the on-line version of the workshop. He was single and had just moved back to his home state and was looking for employment there while waiting on his state teaching certification, meaning he had the time. He’d earned a degree in English (supposedly) and had even been teaching high school English (allegedly), so it was no stretch to believe that he’d produced the content in his drop-dead-awesome-blogs.

In the workshop?

Over time, I started noticing that we were giving almost identical feedback to the participants. I believed it was because we were seeing the same things. Yeah, that “believing the best in people” thing. I wasn’t noticing that his comments were always after mine.

My grandmother continued to be in and out of the hospital and by that August, my favorite aunt was ill as well and SHE was in and out of the hospital (often they were in adjacent rooms). A month later, my aunt passed away and the family was reeling. Since Terrell seemed to be seeing the same things I was, I said, “Well why don’t you take over for the initial assignments and I will only look at the final stuff? This way we lose the redundancy and I can take care of my family.”

I needed the help. I was choking. On top of all the health crises, we received orders my husband was deploying to Afghanistan. I was so desperate to keep the workshop going and keep to my word to the writers who’d trusted me that—*lets out long, dejected breath*—that I even paid $50 to send him a small BRAND NEW laptop I wasn’t using because his had crashed.

I know. I’ve already kicked myself a thousand times.

This is when things got weird.

Once Terrell was on his own, his critiques suddenly ranged from all-out-flaming-bizarre to moronic. Complaints started piling in, and yet I defended my choice. I said, “Well, look at his blogs. I have no idea where this critique came from. I’ll talk to him.” When I talked to him in person, he seemed to understand the craft. Yet, it felt like I was dealing with two or even three different people.

Long and short of it was Terrell got caught, and he dragged my good name and WANA through the mud with him. Not only had he wholesale copied posts—PICTURES AND ALL—from Cracked.com, he was kind enough to mention ME as his mentor and to thank WANA for the support.

*loads rifle*

So one day I am bee-bopping along when suddenly @HolyTaco calls me out on Twitter as a plagiarist, or that, rather, I train plagiarists, and I’m all like WTH? When I confronted Terrell, he lied and told me the guy was just a troll looking for a fight. Terrell then takes down the posts he stole, but here is the thing…

THE INTERNET IS FOREVER!!!!!

One of the reasons I strongly recommend against blogging about sex, politics and religion (unless it’s part of your platform) is that, if it explodes in our face? WE CAN’T UN-DETONATE. It is troll fodder FOREVER. Trolls have mad computer skills and a lot of free time.

This is also a reason NOT TO STEAL PEOPLE’S STUFF.

Terrell doesn’t seem to understand the depth of his sin. Writers are like elephants and we remember everything FOREVER.

Not only did he make me look like the biggest dope on the planet—”Oh, here little chickens writers, here is a wolf Terrell to guard you and your eggs stories”—but he had absolutely NO problem dragging my good name (that I actually worked my tail off to build) through the digital mud. He also had no problem dragging the WANAs through the mud.

So we all pounce on him and run him out of Cyberland, yet he still keeps resurfacing under new names. And this isn’t my problem. My problem is he KEEPS STEALING. His post yesterday—that he’s taken down because he’s been BUSTED by the WANA Justice League headed by Digital Wonder Woman @JamiGold and the WANAvengers ruled by Digital Dark Knight @JayTechDad—was STOLEN from freaking FORBES. FORBES?????!!!!

(I am Thora-Xena for those who wonder …a lot)

Is this just a special kind of stupid? WARNING: Please do NOT let Terrell near your shower with a hair dryer.

I am all for forgiveness, but we have to actually be repentant and CHANGE, and the only thing Terrell Mims is sorry for is BEING CAUGHT. When he originally humiliated me and dragged my good name through the mud, I didn’t make it public because 1) I was mortified and 2) if he DID mend his ways he’d have a harder time recovering.

Yeah. I’m all out of grace, and the innocent need protection.

What I don’t get is that you guys have no idea the kind of free time Terrell has. Why steal? He knew the material he originally plagiarized, so just freaking write it DOWN.

I am a mother, a wife, I run a global business with 30+ instructors, blog 5 days a week, teach, travel, do most of the yard and housework, all the shopping and all the cooking, AND I WRITE MY OWN STUFF! I may not wear makeup or clean clothes, but my writing is MINE…unless you didn’t like it and that was from the aliens who sometimes hack into my brain .

Hell Hath No Fury Like a WANA Scorned

WANA is a fabulous community that will help your platform grow exponentially, but love has a price and that price is integrity. Betray that trust and GAME OVER.

DO NOT STEAL.

Digital-Wonder Woman and the Digital Dark Knight Will Smite the Wicked. HOLY TACO!

We have CRAZY talent in WANA. No seriously, they’re crazy. Why else would they hang out with US? Some of the WANAs have MAD SKILLZ so don’t mess with them. Jami will tie you in a Lasso of Whoop@$$ that looks a lot like her blog. Here is her Storify of the #MyWANA “Outing of the Shunned” for those who doubt.  The WANA Justice League and WANAvengers are also sometimes assisted by the chaotic neutral Holy Taco who first ousted Mims.

And I am sorry this post breaks my promise to be brief, but there are wolves out there and I want you guys to be prepared.

Some Helpful Tips

Don’t Plagiarize. You WILL Get Caught.

Seems like a no-brainer, but apparently there are some brainless folks out there. There are sites like Copyscape that can check to see if your stuff’s being stolen. There is also the Internet archive of, oh…EVERYTHING at Wayback. And might I remind everyone of the WANA Justice League and WANAvengers?

There is NO reason to plagiarize.

In the new paradigm, we know our stuff needs to be shared. We WANT you to share it or we wouldn’t put all those share buttons all over the place. Sharing and stealing are different for anyone who is confused.

Get a cold? Kids get the flu? On a deadline and have no blog to post? Reblog one of MY POSTS. I freely offer my content so long as I get credit.

I am not alone. Most people are cool with sharing, we just want the credit for the work we did. That’s FAIR. Mims could have avoided ALL of this with a simple reblog. Post the first paragraph then hyperlink to the original post and give credit to the person who actually did the work.

Mims has content and original blogger has new readers.

Everyone is happy.

Rat Poison is NOT Candy–DO NOT EAT

Don’t use a curling iron in the shower, a radio in the bathtub, a chainsaw while cooking, and, for the love of all that is chocolate, DO NOT DRIVE WHILE SLEEPING!

Aren’t you glad I give all this free advice?

So there it is. Not only did I trust an epic-moron-sociopathic-thief in my workshop, but I provided him a new computer to help him steal more efficiently. Yes, I want a DeLorean so I can go back in time and kick my OWN @$$.

I still give opportunity to newbies, and I’ve continued to get burned, but the handful who make it? The ones that shine? They make it worth any amount of pain.

So let Terrell Mims or CDLaune or Captain Assclown or whatever he calls himself be a cautionary tale to NOT BE STUPID. Writers are generous. We will help you. No need to steal. Really.

Really.

So what are your thoughts? Fears? Suggestions for tarring and feathering on-line?

I love hearing from you!

To prove it and show my love, for the month of January, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

And also, winners have a limited time to claim the prize, because what’s happening is there are actually quite a few people who never claim the critique, so I never know if the spam folder ate it or to look for it and then people miss out. I will also give my corporate e-mail to insure we connect and I will only have a week to return the 20 page edit.

At the end of January I will pick a winner for the monthly prize. Good luck!

I also hope you pick up copies of my best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer . And both are recommended by the hottest agents and biggest authors in the biz. My methods teach you how to make building your author platform FUN. Build a platform and still have time left to write great books.

Enemies of the Art Part 1–Approval Addiction

Image via Lisa Weidmeier WANA Commons

This is the first month of a new year and we all have our resolutions in place. But in order to succeed, we need to understand the terrain, the challenges we face. That’s what this series is going to address—Enemies of the Art. And yes, I am blogging five days a week now. My goal for this year is to master brevity.

Today’s enemy is Approval Addiction.

We all want approval. We long for admiration, a pat on the back, a nudge or a wink that tells us we have done something right. Yet, the dark side of this is that approval can be a drug. It lures us in with a rush that is fleeting. We start chasing the rush and can lose our art and ourselves if we aren’t careful.

My grandfather started out life on a cotton farm, reading books as he walked behind a plow, his pale skin fried to a crisp daily in the unrelenting Texas sun. He was willing to give up everything to escape the spiders that bit his hands and arms as he picked the bowls of cotton every harvest. At 16, he lied about his age, joined the Army, fought in WWII, used the G.I. bill to get his college education and used that degree to eventually grow a tiny drilling company to rule the NYSE. The company he built was a major rival for Halliburton. Though the oil bust of the 80s decimated the business, his story is still one of American greatness…

…and none of us could ever live up to it.

My father wanted to be a writer, but he wanted outside validation even more. Writing wasn’t a real job. In trying to gain approval, my dad ended up failing at every occupation he tried because he wasn’t being true to his gift. He died still writing poems and short stories in little notebooks, in between fixing bikes for $8 an hour. Tragically, he never earned the approval he so desperately wanted.

Before my father died, I’d fallen into the same people-pleasing trap. Yet, when my father passed suddenly, it was a splash of ice water in the face.

Who was I living for?

Quick History of Kristen’s People-Pleasing:

Was asked to do commercial modeling at age 14.

*table full of family members starts laughing* Kristen, thinks she’s going to be a model! Y ou really should focus on what you have, brains not looks.

Won a full AFROTC scholarship to become a doctor, the most sought-after scholarship in the DOD.

You won? Wow, they must have been short on their quota for women.

Decided to open a green house-cleaning business to help put myself through school (FIFTEEN YEARS before “green” became the vogue thing).

Kristen, you aren’t good at math (was tutoring Chemistry, Physics and Economics at the time). Everyone knows women aren’t good at business.

No matter what I did, the very people I was trying to please were never happy, and did you notice all the contradictions? When I wanted admiration for my looks, I only had smarts. When I sought approval for my smarts, I wasn’t all that bright.

Did they sit up all night thinking of ways to emotionally wreck me? No. They were likely being helpful, trying to spare me from pain. Maybe they were even jealous. They probably had the same crap said to them at one point.

Who knows and who cares? The thing is they never were happy and likely never would be either.

People-pleasing will kill your faith in yourself. It will distract you, drain you and the only one who will suffer is YOU. Last week we talked about burning our ships.  One of the major reasons we fail to strike the match is we fear rejection. Burn the ship of approval. Do this for you. Do it for the art.

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow as the night the day. Thou canst not then be false to any other man.

                                                      ~Polonius’ advice to his son Laertes in Shakespeare’s Hamlet.

Do you struggle with approval addiction? Have you had a hard time going against friends, family or even your spouse? What is your biggest challenge? Have you overcome approval addiction? How did you do it? Tell us about it. What tips might you recommend?

I love hearing from you!

To prove it and show my love, for the month of January, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

And also, winners have a limited time to claim the prize, because what’s happening is there are actually quite a few people who never claim the critique, so I never know if the spam folder ate it or to look for it and then people miss out. I will also give my corporate e-mail to insure we connect and I will only have a week to return the 20 page edit.

At the end of January I will pick a winner for the monthly prize. Good luck!

I also hope you pick up copies of my best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer . And both are recommended by the hottest agents and biggest authors in the biz. My methods teach you how to make building your author platform FUN. Build a platform and still have time left to write great books.

Voice–The “God Particle” of Writing

Image via Flikr Commons and contributed by The Smithsonian.

What is “Voice”? In my humble opinion, voice is the “God Particle” that influences and shapes all things. Though we clearly perceive that it’s everywhere and that it holds everything together, we can’t see it. We can’t touch or smell it or even easily define it.

Voice eludes us.

In the world of particle physics, the Laws of Nature include four major forces—electromagnetic, strong, weak, and gravity. The interplay of these four forces governs the universe—creation, destruction, preservation, order, disorder, orbits and entropy. Laymen frequently refer to the force of gravity (Higgs-Boson) as “The God Particle” simply because the Higgs-Boson happens to be this evasive, seemingly indefinable particle that explains creation of the universe (and for the scientists out there, if I botched this, it’s an analogy and I am a writer, not a physicist).

Why do “things” have mass?

We know gravity is at the heart of all things, but we struggle to see gravity or define it. We also know that the “God Particle”, though the “weakest” of all four forces, seems to be the most important in that it governs the other three.

I believe voice is much the same way. As writers, we are little gods creating worlds, people, empires, magic, dynasties, and dramas all using various combinations of black symbols on a white page.

The Four Forces of Literary Nature could be named—plot, characters, style and voice. Plot, characters and style are easy to see, break apart, define, explain and diagram on a whiteboard.

But voice? It just IS.

It’s our God Particle. We need it to create our worlds and hold things together, to give them mass. We require voice to bring the other three forces into play and guide them in shaping our universes.

Writers are gods over the worlds we create. Some of us might be tiny gods, dreadful gods, absent gods, benevolent gods, generous gods, engaged gods, preoccupied gods, deadbeat gods, untalented gods, visionary, inspiring, or resourceful gods, but, to be gods, we must all have our distinctive God Particle known as our “voice.”

Our voice is our creative particle that is as unique to us as our own DNA. It’s why voice is often imitated, but not well, and why it always betrays our identity.

This God Particle we call voice is how we use all the forces of literary nature, how we employ them, what we include and what we omit. We can be gods as flesh among men (1st person or 3rd person POV). We can be gods up on our throne, looking down on it all, comfortable in our omniscience (Omnipotent POV). We don’t fashion man from dust, rather we fashion them from letters and printer ink. We separate the light from dark and water from land and we do it all with our voice.

…until we admit it is good and rest. You can smite the adverbs later. They were warned .

Quick Announcement:

If you want to learn how to create a good author blog that appeals to readers not just other writers, please sign up for my next class. Registration is now open and there are all types of packages for every price range. The class can be done at your own pace and in your own time and you will have a team of support.

What are your thoughts about “voice”? What makes up an author’s voice? Does it change over time, or is it essentially the same only a stronger, more refined version? Who are some of the authors you LOVE simply because of his/her voice? Would this make you buy books if they wrote in a genre you don’t ever read? Btw, if you want to learn more about voice, one of our WANA instructors, Les Edgerton has a great reference out there Finding Your Voice

I love hearing from you!

To prove it and show my love, for the month of January, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

And also, winners have a limited time to claim the prize, because what’s happening is there are actually quite a few people who never claim the critique, so I never know if the spam folder ate it or to look for it and then people miss out. I will also give my corporate e-mail to insure we connect and I will only have a week to return the 20 page edit.

At the end of January I will pick a winner for the monthly prize. Good luck!

The Most Powerful Social Media Tool for Building an Author Platform-Part 3

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Like writing great novels, writing great blogs is also about technique and skill. But, once a writer understands how to harness the power of the blog, there is no limit to what she can accomplish.

Blogs are long lasting and afford us an opportunity to cultivate our future fans before the book is even finished. Blogs help shape us into fitter, leaner professionals with the power to work exponentially instead of linearly. When Twitter tweets its last tweet and Facebook implodes into a black hole, your blog, your platform and your fans will remain.

Also, and this is a big point, blogs can be harvested for content and made into e-books either for sale or for promotion. Don’t give away your fiction for .99. Give away your blog-to-book for .99 with purchase of your novel. If people love your blog, then having favorite posts in one e-book is valuable. No need to hand away your art. Let your blog help you promote. Your blog is an investment that will just keep giving returns, and in my mind, it’s the best use of our time and our skills.

Last time I will mention this (until the next time, ha ha ha ha ha)…

If you want to learn how to create a good author blog that appeals to readers not just other writers, please sign up for my next class. Registration is now open and there are all types of packages for every price range. The class can be done at your own pace and in your own time and you will have a team of support.

What are your thoughts? Who are some of your favorite bloggers? What do you think makes a blog bad, boring, unappealing? Some of the WANAs out there, share your success stories. Brag! You worked for it!

I love hearing from you!

To prove it and show my love, for the month of January, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

And also, winners have a limited time to claim the prize, because what’s happening is there are actually quite a few people who never claim the critique, so I never know if the spam folder ate it or to look for it and then people miss out. I will also give my corporate e-mail to insure we connect and I will only have a week to return the 20 page edit.

At the end of January I will pick a winner for the monthly prize. Good luck!

I also hope you pick up copies of my best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer . And both are recommended by the hottest agents and biggest authors in the biz. My methods teach you how to make building your author platform FUN. Build a platform and still have time left to write great books.

The Most Powerful Social Media Tool for Building an Author Platform-Part 2

Photo courtesy of Melissa Bowersock WANA Commons

Yesterday we began the discussion about why blogs are probably THE most powerful social media tool for building an author platform. Today, here are two more reasons writers should embrace the idea of having a blog:

Blogs are Built to LAST

Twitter is a powerful tool for going viral, but tweets are very fleeting. Facebook posts have a bit more longevity, but most people won’t see anything more than a week old unless they specifically go hunting for it. But blogs? Blogs are permanent, and this means that search engines can deliver new fans to your blog every day. Properly tagged blogs will turn up in Google searches. I cannot count how many new subscribers I get every week who found me from some random search. They read my blog, loved it and then told all their friends.

Who wouldn’t love a little of that?

No one will find our tweet from three months ago and be so moved they need to buy all our books. Okay maybe one guy, but he drives a panel van and lives in a basement. Don’t accept any candy from him.

Thing is, if we have to spend time doing social media, why not build something enduring?

Blogs Play to Our Strengths

Writers WRITE! It is what we do.  Most writers are not salespeople. This is why a lot of that self-promotion stuff feels weird and creepy. We aren’t in our comfort zone.  How many of you want to do this writing thing until that job in sales takes off?

No one?

*crickets chirping*

But writing? Writing is something we do well. In fact, if we are real writers, we should love writing. We should jump at any opportunity to write. Are you ready for this? Blogging involves a lot of writing. What better use of our limited social media time than doing an activity where we are already strong? Writers are gifted at elevating the mundane to the magical. We are gifted at using various combinations of twenty-six letters to captivate readers and elicit an emotional response. Blogs can do the same thing.

Not all writers are natural social butterflies. Most of us HATE self-promotion, marketing and running giveaways. But one thing we love? Connecting with others through words.

If you want to learn how to create a good author blog that appeals to readers not just other writers, please sign up for my next class. Registration is now open and there are all types of packages for every price range. The class can be done at your own pace and in your own time and you will have a team of support.

And, yes there are already too many blogs, but there are too many books, too and, AGAIN, that hasn’t stopped any of us from wanting to write them . I am here to help shorten your learning curve and offer you a system of support you likely won’t get from home.

What are your thoughts? Opinions? Questions? How many of you are introverts and this is making you maybe peek out from behind the curtains?

We seeee you.

I love hearing from you!

To prove it and show my love, for the month of January, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

And also, winners have a limited time to claim the prize, because what’s happening is there are actually quite a few people who never claim the critique, so I never know if the spam folder ate it or to look for it and then people miss out. I will also give my corporate e-mail to insure we connect and I will only have a week to return the 20 page edit.

At the end of January I will pick a winner for the monthly prize. Good luck!

I also hope you pick up copies of my best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer . And both are recommended by the hottest agents and biggest authors in the biz. My methods teach you how to make building your author platform FUN. Build a platform and still have time left to write great books.