Suzanne Falter's Blog, page 15

The Value of a ���Why Not��� List��

One of the big illusions about life is that somewhere out there ��� it���s better. Someone other than me is working harder, delighting more readers, and generally looking a lot hotter.

And so, presumably, they are on track to be the so-called winner. Maybe they even get to take home a big stuffed bear.

A part of our brain often gets fixated on how our lives should be ��� as opposed to how perfectly satisfying and wonderful they are right here and right now.

My friend Jon calls this sad habit ���shoulding on yourself���.

As in ���I should be working 50 hours weeks building my empire,��� or�� ���I should have a massive list by now���. And let���s not forget that perennial favorite, ���I should be ten pounds thinner.���

If you���re like me, you slip into shoulding without even thinking about it. I notice I get particularly should-y when thinking about my work, no matter how much I���ve accomplished. And no matter what���s going on in my life.

I���m thinking about my wedding six months ago. These were the days of wine and roses! Yet my mind was squarely parked on how much work I could cram in before the guests start arriving ��� purely out of should-i-ness.

But was I actually getting it done? Not really. I was too distracted! I wanted to take a champagne bath, and try on my wedding ring fifteen more times. I want to call all the family and friends who were showing up for the big day.

I wanted to hold my love and look dreamily in her eyes.

Which I would have done ��� except for that taskmaster, Should, in my head. Silently, she tapped her stick against her hand.

Here���s the supreme irony of it all. We don���t actually get that much done when we are being all ���shouldy���. We���re much more likely to really rock the results when we let go completely and honor what���s happening here and now.

Jon, who is a very wise soul, reminds me that even a state of inertia can be God���s will for us.

Think about that ��� even a state of inertia can be God���s will for us.

Wow.

After all, God���s not standing around, tapping a foot and impatiently waiting for results, right? We���re the ones who do that.

Instead, God, or the Universe, or Spirit (or whomever you recognize that great guiding Force to be), invites us all to let go and slide into the great slipstream of love. Here we flow from one task to the next, effortlessly.

Here we let go and surrender and find our way to whatever would feel right next.

So instead of a ���To Do��� list, may I humbly suggest a ���Why Not?��� list.

Why not take a walk and watch the clouds for as long as you want? For if you do, some inspiration will surely descend.

Why not call someone you love and tell them so. Then your heart will expand just a little more greatly.

Or why not take a chance and submit a story to that hot media outlet you���ve been craving because suddenly ��� it feels right?

That���s flow, baby. I highly recommend inviting it into your life.

When we get ball-and-chained to our To Do lists, there is no room for us to breathe. So we forget the very core of our aliveness. This is how we get so very, very tired. We can���t keep up, and the strategies we���ve invested our time, our money, and our belief in begin to crumble.

This is when the ���shoulds��� begin in earnest. And rightly so because (gasp!) ��� we rall behind. And we know in our hearts we will never catch up.

This is how we wind up soundly parked in self-doubt.

Which is exactly where I was when I spoke to my friend Jon. I needed to hear him say that that there is no ���there��� there. There really is nothing to push towards.

There is only the here and now, one beautiful day at a time.

May you join me in embracing what is, for all of its warts, bumps and obvious gaps. They, too, are God���s will ��� just as you are.

You have been given a sacred job of simply being, my friend. So the question remains: is that good enough for you?

Me? I say yes!

 

 

P.S.

Do you want to learn more about walking away from the to-do list? Listen to the latest episode of Before the Afterlife, How to Walk Away from the To-Do List – with Jen Riday

 

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How to Know When Angels Are Around You

 

Did you know we all have signs when angels are present?

I know, I know … I didn’t believe in angels either. They always seemed obscure and just a little too otherworldly … At least until my daughter Teal died. Crazy thing is that for nearly the last five years since her death, Teal speaks to me all the time in a way that can only be called angelic.

Teal literally tingles through me. Or she laughs – a sweet, high silvery laughter that seems to come from somewhere outside my body as it bubbles through me.

All I know is that I’m not laughing on my own accord. I feel like a radio turned to the Angel Channel.

How do I know this is angelic Teal? Well, I don’t for a fact. But what I do know is pure Joy, basically. And that is very much who she was.

But back to tracking those angels.  First of all, I suspect they don’t always have long gowns, flowing blond locks or big white wings. George Bailey’s guardian angel was a fusty old character named Clarence who wore 18th century long johns.

If anything, angels are embodiments of light.

The one ‘sighting’ I had of Teal in her angelic form was a waking vision in which she was pure white light emanating from my closed bathroom door. When I asked why she wouldn’t let me see her, she replied, “I don’t want you to get distracted.”

Good point. Angels in the flesh are probably mind-blowers.

I also suspect that angels come surfing in to help us via our own quirky preferences. I love to listen to music while I drive, preferably up,  fun, funk or R&B or even old disco that’s plenty cranked up. It just makes me feel good.

No surprise then that this ‘high vibe’ experience is where I most often encounter my angelic support team. The minute the right music comes on, in comes my angel, rippling through me with laughter.

Sometimes I get a visual in my mind’s eye of a pack of cartoon ghosts all doing the Electric Slide. They seem to love disco.

So yeah, there is a visual sometimes, too. It occurs in that small animal part of the brain where one sees things beyond the realm of logic. For me, the key has been allowing it, not judging it, and just accepting that there are things out there I just can’t ever understand.

Finally, it appears that angels love a sweet surprise, a good joke, and most of all, a critical save. Indeed, this is often their purpose. The stories abound. A friend tells how she feel asleep at the wheel only to be woken up as her car gently drifted down the exit ramp – a turn she does not remember making.

The Internet shares stories of those who have been saved by angels as they were about to drown or be raped at knifepoint. Others tell stories of guiding voices whispering in their ear, or of ‘knowing’ to do something improbable just in the nick of time. The solution is assured when an angel shows up.

I have often seen signs – multiple rainbows, for instance – as confirmation that something important is transpiring. Others report glowing balls, or orbs that pop up in photographs. Still others report a certain smell, a breeze, or a freshness in the air.

Is this truly evidence that an angel is nigh? I couldn’t say. What I do know is that from all reports the afterlife is a place of inestimable joy. And when my own personal angel arrives I have a complete and total joy transfusion.

In those moments I can love and embrace life in all of its messiness, and that – to me – is an angel’s ultimate purpose. (Think back to good old George in ‘It’s a Wonderful Life.’)

Have you ever experienced angels? I would love to hear your story – please share below.

If you’d like to find out more about Healing with Angels and All Kinds of ‘High Vibe’ Energy, listen to our new podcast with angel expert, Sandra Rea. 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Thirty-Minute Exercise That Helped Me Forgive and Forget

There are people in this life who make me weary.

You know who I mean — the lover who discarded me; the boss who denigrated me. Even the kids who relentlessly bullied me in grade school. For many years, there was an entire cast of characters in my psyche I thought I was done with.

Except that I wasn’t.

They still chimed in from time to time, simply as disembodied voices in my head. And why? Because again and again, I invited them in.

The truth is I longed to let them go. Fie on those bully kids and that impossible-to-please boss. And what about the toxic lover? I longed to get rid of her, too!

How I craved some much-needed space in my head. Once I had it, then all kinds of kind, lovely, nourishing things could grow in my mind instead.

So I decided to set these angry rants free.

A book I was reading at the time suggested it would be as simple as writing a letter to each person I was still resentful with. I would never send the letter, of course, but instead simply write it. And that alone would free up space in my heart.

Okay. Fair enough. At this point, it was three years after the toxic relationship, 31 years after the obnoxious boss, and 46 years after the bully kids … so why not let it all go? I’d had those negative voices in my head far too long already.

I sat down to write each person a letter and a very surprising thing happened. I began with my former lover, a person I felt had done me wrong in many ways. I really let it all hang out as I wrote.

Spiritual bypass was not allowed — I scrawled every last one of my petty, crude, pissy thoughts. I gnashed my teeth on paper. I told her exactly what I thought of her … and then half way down the page, the tone suddenly shifted.

All of the sudden a small awareness of my role in the relationship became clearer. I found myself writing, “Of course, I invited you into this dynamic by being a vacant, pliable victim … so we acted out our little drama just like actors in a play.”

Whoa. Really?

Yes, really. The fact was I was being so nakedly honest gave me no recourse but to be honest about my own responsibility, too. Did she mistreat me? Did she use me? Did she manipulate and control me?

Absolutely! And did I manipulate her right back?

I certainly did.

Every time I was silent and let my former lover abuse or control me, I fed our off-kilter dynamic. Every choice I made that didn’t serve me merely cemented the unhappy lockstep we both found ourselves stuck in.

As I continued to write my letter to her, I discovered what a great thing our break up was. It was actually a great relief when she dumped me. Now I could actually see how critical this relationship was to my personal growth.

As a direct result of that break-up, I found my way into work that helped me become humble again. I learned to live in a far healthier way and found a new, far deeper connection to God.

Out of this work, I also found the truly happy, deeply loving marriage I am now in.

Our greatest teachers often show up as irritants in the path – the rock around which we must flow. The bully kids taught me to protect my most sensitive self, and let her only be seen in ways that are safe and whole.

The obnoxious boss taught me how low my standards were, and how to aim higher with the next job I got – and then the next, and the next after that.

Again and again, life conspires to bring the very best teachers our way, whether we like them or not. I say our souls demand it – for how else can we really grow?

By finally telling the truth, I owned the entire picture of what had happened. Here was my safe forum to truly express myself, and so discover the lessons buried behind the grief. Now I found I truly was ready to let go of the hurt, the pain and the anger.  

At the end of the letter, I was filled with compassion, empathy and even gratitude for this remarkable woman I had once loved. I knew that part of me would even love her for years to come, whether or not we ever spoke again.  

I had been reborn — simply because of one small, thirty-minute exercise.

If you are carrying resentment towards anyone in your life or your past, why not lay your burden down? All that you will lose is the artificial crutch of your resentment.

There is an innate joy that awaits all of us. It lives on the other side of humility, honesty and willingness.

I invite you to write a letter of your own – a letter you never send. For, if nothing else, it will be a supreme act of self care.  

As it turns out, all this letting go of resentments is part of becoming truly happy. If you’d like to find your own innate happiness, listen to our new podcast with happiness expert Andrew Matthews.

 

 

 

 

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The Secret to Relaxing About Life

There is a strange paradox about life. Seldom is the one we are living the life we think we should be living. 

Somehow we can never get quite enough money, or power or titles or sex or adventures or love or anything to truly feel we’ve got our share. Like hungry birds in their nests, our beaks are always open, demanding yet another worm. There is always some better position, some higher level of responsibility, some more exalted realm we think should be ours.

At least, this much has been true for me … until recently.

Not only have I consistently believed throughout my life that I didn’t have ‘enough’, I believed that I wasn’t enough either. I honestly thought that if I got that million dollar book deal/perfect body/perfect … whatever … then I’d finally be whole and complete.

Then I could relax! Then I could be happy! I could stop pushing so hard and endlessly striving. Then, in the eyes of the Universe, Mom, and everyone else I would finally be enough. Or so I thought.

It was only recently, at the ripe old age of 58, that I finally decided to let go of this toxic illusion. This, right here and right now, is the life I’ve been given. And this, right here and right now, is as good as it gets.

What happened was that I was standing in our church singing in one of our annual concert, singing my heart out with my fellow choir singers. There was nothing slick or high visibility about the event. The audience was peppered with families and dotted with unruly kids and crying babies. Heck, we barely had microphones.

And there was nothing slick about my life. My work continues along on a humble path. There is no massive book deal, no high visibility position, none of the things that I’d always imagined would make me happy.

But in that moment as I looked out over the crowd and sang, delivering my gift for that particular moment, I felt intensely bonded to each person sitting there. I could feel the love rising in the room, and the slightly sweaty, restless-child imperfection of all of it at the same time.

It was spectacularly beautiful.

These were my people, I thought to myself, and I am in exactly the right place doing the right thing at the right time. On the other side of the choir, my new wife Rachel was singing in the tenor section. We were experiencing the uplift of the music together, as our choir director beamed his approval.

Simply put, we were one with the audience, with each other and all the good and caring musicians around us.

That’s when I understood, unequivocally, this is as good as it gets.

And that’s when I saw a grand illusion that my long held dream has been. As long as I quantify my life by many book deals, or income hikes, or vacations, or … whatever … I receive, there will probably never be “enough.” Not in this congested, tired little mind.

Furthermore, I will miss the deep and beautiful treasure of the life that’s happening here and now.

I realize now that it’s okay to have dreams and goals as long as they are accompanied by an intense sense of gratitude for what is present now. As long as I don’t reject the reality of the present moment for some cherished illusion in my mind – because that illusion has no substance.

Down here, in the thick of life, only one thing counts and that is tapping into the love that is here and now, in this present moment. And then being grateful as we gaze ahead, ready to be surprised by life.

Wherever you are and may you know that, today, right here and right now, you are enough.

 

 

 

P.S.

On my Before the Afterlife podcast, Tony talks about maintaining a zestful life, and what his ‘magic bullet’ is for Emergency Zest as needed… check it out here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You can find this episode below, or subscribe with any podcast player.

Here are the links to iTunes and Google Play!

 

 

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The Healing Power of a Good Long Walk

It’s not about the dog.

Really.

I walk because my body tells me it’s time to move … and because I have a thousand things to think through. So I let the dog take me for a walk.

Walking is this wonderful movement that requires almost no thought, no particular skill, and really nothing more than a little time and some comfortable shoes. The very reliability of it makes it soothing.

Walking was an essential piece of my self-care when I was recovering from the loss of my daughter. In those raw days of grief, just the simple act of putting one foot in front of another saved me in some basic way. The promise of a walk got me up and out. So I emerged, blinking, into the sunlight.

At that point, even twenty minutes was a triumph.

But as my grief healed, I began to relax into this walking thing more and more. I found the feeling of the breeze on my face, and the dirty under my feet was consoling. There was something simple and real about it.

Unlike my forays to the gym, I didn’t have to look good. In fact, I cried a lot as I walked the trails at a local park, and no one seemed to mind a bit.

That’s when I discovered I needed to walk, even in the rain. And that’s when I discovered walking in the mud.

Now, walking in the mud is a particular pleasure all its own. You put on some big rubber boots and you just have at it. And if the mud is thick and gooey, or full of mud puddles, you can splash. You can slop. You make a great, big glorious mess, and it’s actually a lot of fun.

Then when you get back home, you leave your boots outside the front door, and you look down at your mud-spattered jeans, and you think, ‘I’ve done something today.’ Your heart beats with a little more vigor, your soul feels refreshed, and you enjoy the glow of accomplishment.

This is why I walk, in the rain and in the sun. The very reliability of the Earth to welcome me, comfort me, and provide a little interesting scenery as I go puts me back together.

Nothing is expected of me as I walk, and so I get ideas and find sudden inspirations. It’s like shaking hands with life again, every time.

And yes, the dog doesn’t mind one damn bit.

Want to know how your brain actually ‘cleans house’ when you take a walk or do any kind of exercise? There’s real science to this. I found out when I interviewed personal trainer Will Belew on my Before the Afterlife podcast … check it out here.

You can find this episode below, or subscribe with any podcast player.

Here are the links to iTunes and Google Play!

 

 

 

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What If You Can���t Hear Your Heart���s Desire?

It is said that the greatest guide to living a prosperous, happy life of love is to listen to your heart.

Just follow its guidance��and you���ll be all set. At least that is the conventional wisdom that drives us to eschew the ordinary life and set off on the road less traveled.

And yet ��� there seems to be a design flaw.

I don���t know about you, but I have one hell of a time hearing my heart. I know its wisdom is back there somewhere. But it’s lodged��behind the ranting of my incessant, worried mind, a million to-do���s, and a��cacophony of mid-life emotions.

It���s also buried behind the subtle over-layer of apps, texts, emails, phone calls, appointments, traffic jams, calories, doctor appointments, instant messages, chats, whether to eat chocolate or not, and the frenetic microcosm of social media.

Bottom line: I can���t frigging hear my heart!

And yet ��� I know if I just stop and listen, like��really��stop and listen, I can hear it.

The fact is I don���t want to listen.

My heart will tell me that my constant ���doing��� must end. That I must be willing to let go and hang out with the mystery of life for a while.

If I really want to��feel my feelings, I must��stop being so busy-busy-busy.

My heart��will say that far more urgent than anything on my ���must do��� list is my own ��� our own ��� continued healing.

Many of us are all in a state of subtle emergency most of the time. But��we proceed as if��this is the human condition. And yet … it’s not.

Underneath all the furor of modern life, we are calmly rational. Furthermore, we know exactly what to do at any given moment. In fact, our nervous system is always ready to chime in with its intuitive hit to set us straight. But really … we just can’t bear to hear it.

Then change might be required. Change for which we feel ill prepared. Change that might lead us to failure.

At least that���s what the ego thinks in its protective, if misguided way.

So we hang out in vagueness … longing for something ��� but unable to say exactly what.

��I have been quietly learning that I have no choice. If I want to be happy, I have to follow the directions of��my heart whether I like it or not. Really, my heart’s the only sane driver on board.

Because when I slow down long enough to listen,��life calms down. Then my faith returns and I remember I���m not alone. Instantly, I feel stronger, wiser. And somehow, I know what to do.

Bear in mind this: your heart will not ever try to set you off course. Nor will your heart ever try to hurt another. Instead, it only wants to lovingly steer you onward to become your best, every day.

That’s all that happens when you make enough time, and create enough peace, to finally listen.

What is your heart trying to tell you today that you may be avoiding?

You can find this episode��below, or subscribe with any podcast player.

Here are the links to iTunes and Google Play!

 

 

The post What If You Can���t Hear Your Heart���s Desire? appeared first on Suzanne Falter.

What If You Can’t Hear Your Heart’s Desire?

It is said that the greatest guide to living a prosperous, happy life of love is to listen to your heart.

Just follow its guidance and you’ll be all set. At least that is the conventional wisdom that drives us to eschew the ordinary life and set off on the road less traveled.

And yet … there seems to be a design flaw.

I don’t know about you, but I have one hell of a time hearing my heart. I know its wisdom is back there somewhere. But it’s lodged behind the ranting of my incessant, worried mind, a million to-do’s, and a cacophony of mid-life emotions.

It’s also buried behind the subtle over-layer of apps, texts, emails, phone calls, appointments, traffic jams, calories, doctor appointments, instant messages, chats, whether to eat chocolate or not, and the frenetic microcosm of social media.

Bottom line: I can’t frigging hear my heart!

And yet … I know if I just stop and listen, like really stop and listen, I can hear it.

The fact is I don’t want to listen.

My heart will tell me that my constant ‘doing’ must end. That I must be willing to let go and hang out with the mystery of life for a while.

If I really want to feel my feelings, I must stop being so busy-busy-busy.

My heart will say that far more urgent than anything on my ‘must do’ list is my own – our own – continued healing.

Many of us are all in a state of subtle emergency most of the time. But we proceed as if this is the human condition. And yet … it’s not.

Underneath all the furor of modern life, we are calmly rational. Furthermore, we know exactly what to do at any given moment. In fact, our nervous system is always ready to chime in with its intuitive hit to set us straight. But really … we just can’t bear to hear it.

Then change might be required. Change for which we feel ill prepared. Change that might lead us to failure.

At least that’s what the ego thinks in its protective, if misguided way.

So we hang out in vagueness … longing for something … but unable to say exactly what.

 I have been quietly learning that I have no choice. If I want to be happy, I have to follow the directions of my heart whether I like it or not. Really, my heart’s the only sane driver on board.

Because when I slow down long enough to listen, life calms down. Then my faith returns and I remember I’m not alone. Instantly, I feel stronger, wiser. And somehow, I know what to do.

Bear in mind this: your heart will not ever try to set you off course. Nor will your heart ever try to hurt another. Instead, it only wants to lovingly steer you onward to become your best, every day.

That’s all that happens when you make enough time, and create enough peace, to finally listen.

What is your heart trying to tell you today that you may be avoiding?

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An Unexpected Road Back to Happiness

I’d like to offer a radical opinion. What if the most direct route back to happiness is through crisis, chaos and loss?

I know, I know … this is not a popular opinion. But this is what I learned after I lost my daughter Teal in 2012. Before her death, I was possibly the unhappiest I had ever been … at least since my tortured twenties.

 

By that point my children were pretty much grown, and my marriage had ended. I’d moved across the country to a city I couldn’t quite relax in … And I’d found my way into a toxic relationship that I felt completely trapped in.

 

I worked constantly in order not to feel my pain. My work as an internet marketing coach was successful and even a little glamorous – so it looked like I was having lots of fun. But I wasn’t. This wasn’t my true calling and I knew it.

 

Really, in my heart, I was a writer. That’s how I started out in my twenties. But now, nearly twenty years later, I had no idea how to get back there. I’d chosen this path simply because I knew it would be financially successful. But instead of being able to leave it, I felt bound to it by ball and chain.

 

But by the time my daughter died, my lousy relationship was over, my business ended due to simple burnout, and I had no place to live. The Universe had conspired to ‘do for me that which I could not do for myself,’ and taken the whole damn mess away.

What followed was two years of grief and rest, during which I had to learn how to become very quiet, and let go of all the props that had been holding me up. This was followed by two more years of slow, gradual rebuilding.

 

Today, more than four and half years later, I really am the happiest I have ever been. My income became stable again when, out of the blue, I was hired to write a series of novels for an investor. I’d published a novel many years earlier, and now as I sat down to write again, I found … miraculously … I had become a much better writer.

 

Two novels, Transformed: San Francisco and Transformed: Paris, have been published and a third one, Transformed: Las Vegas, is on the way. Recently I also married the love of my life.

 

What all of this abundance is teaching me is that when you stop, relax, and ‘just be’ … the Universe starts to deliver up exactly what you want. It’s a great discipline to do nothing, ironically. In this age of pushing and striving, we are ever more fearful of having space, peace and quiet.

 

But may I recommend at least the occasional dip into these waters.

You may, indeed, be surprised what will come your way.

Don’t just do something … stand there.

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How Living on Nothing Can Be More Than Enough

One night recently I found a program on Netflix called The Kindness Diaries. In it, a curious British philosopher travels the world on a cute yellow motorbike, asking for nothing but handouts. His goal is to prove that people are, essentially, kind. And occasionally, when warranted, he gives back generously.

It’s a great idea, if a slightly flawed premise, because coming along for the ride is his three-person camera and sound crew. So who wouldn’t want to ‘help out’ if it means you get to be on international TV?

Still the idea stayed with me. I kept thinking, ‘Wow, it would be cool to interview that guy on my podcast.’

Spirit, evidently, was listening. Because my guest for this week’s episode is NOT the Kindness Diaries guy, but someone even better.

Maria Terese is a spiritual intuitive who has also traveled the world on a donation basis. But unlike the Kindness Diaries guy, for her this means giving away her spiritual guidance on a strictly donation basis.

This means you can book a session with her and pay her whatever you want – even if it’s nothing at all.

I love this idea because of its spiritual purity. Maria Terese has no desire to get rich from her work, or be seen by millions. Instead, this simple soul just wants to help people, one person at a time, and she wants to make it possible for as many people as she can.

There is something pure and cleansing about living with little or nothing. I know this because after my daughter’s death, I lived on remarkably little for almost two years. I couldn’t work. I didn’t have disability insurance. And so … I was delivered.

That’s how I think of it. Because really, it was a sublimely simple life. I stayed with friends. I walked in parks. I swam in a public pool. I didn’t buy much of anything. And I practised something Teal herself revered highly: just being.

In time, money and opportunity returned. But I will never forget the incredible privilege it was to live on very little for a while. I had my needs met abundantly. Again and again, people showed up with support when I needed it. The entire experience taught me it was safe to relax, stop worrying and just receive.

I did, indeed, have enough. In fact, I had more than enough.

Furthermore, whenever I bucked this trend, I was soundly castigated. Twice I tried to restart my former business and twice it crashed and burned. It was no longer in alignment with who I was becoming … and so I was rebuked.

In the end, ‘just being’ turned out to be an excellent plan.

My guest on this week’s podcast is an expert at just this kind of letting go – and so it has led her to deeper and deeper levels of real transcendence. She believes this is how she can help more and more people … a worthy goal.

Listen to my interview with a woman who calls herself ‘a divine vessel of light and love’, Marie Terese.

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Self Care For Post Menopausal Women

An interesting thing I’ve noticed since I’ve been tangoing with menopause. Everything is different and I do mean everything. Even how I approach exercise and chocolate has changed.

I had to do a radical rewrite on my own self-care playbook. If you’re a woman of a certain age, perhaps you relate?

For one thing, I need copious amounts of self care now more than ever. And I don’t just mean the massages and the pedicures. I mean emotional self-care as well.

The good news is this level of self care actually works. I am happier, healthier and at far greater peace than any other time in my life.

Here are a few of my own road-tested self care favorites.

A dedicated spiritual practice. I used to think If I worked had enough, and pushed hard enough, I would get what I wanted. As I age, I now believe in the power of a guiding force more than ever, and BOY does that make my life flow with far greater joy and ease! The drama has literally disappeared. Like … completely.

I put my practice into motion in a regular way, every day. For me, this means sitting in meditation as soon as I wake up, and reciting a collection of beloved prayers. One is my own version of the metta prayer, from Buddhism.

May I be happy

May I know my true worth

May I know I am lovable

May I love and be loved with ease

Brain.fm. Focus is a bigger problem than it used to be. I’m not retired and still work quite happily, but sometimes my brain just refuses to play along. I get distracted. I forget stuff. I call a backpack a pancake. That kind of thing.

When I’m working, a web-based app called Brain.fm has been a huge help. There are tracks for sleep, relaxation and focus. I pull up the Focus track, plug in my headphones, and find myself able to work along happily, easily, getting much more done.

Brain.fm plays binaural beats behind your choice of ‘cinematic music’, chimes and bowls, or sounds in nature like thunderstorms or beach waves. EEG’s have shown the beats work as effectively as meditation. I agree! Click here for a really good coupon that makes an annual subscription quite reasonable.

Chiropractic, Physical Therapy … and podcasts. When the simple act of waking up in the morning started hurting, I turned to my trusty favorites, a good chiropractor and physical therapy. A regular routine of stretching immediately helped, and I was grateful. But then I was told I had to ‘keep it going’, essentially forever.

My inner child stamped her foot and rebelled. I stopped. Not surprisingly, I started waking up in pain again. Then I found podcasts … a glorious way to stay completely entertained for the chunk of time it takes to do my daily stretches and exercises. Now I feel limber, and I get to learn things at the same time.

Smart phones are a great way to listen to podcasts, and many come in with built in podcast apps. Here are instructions for listening on an iPhone … and for an Android device.  You can listen on a computer as well.

You may even want to listen to my own podcast, Before the Afterlife. It’s about healing, spiritual guidance and how to be happy before you go.

Flax Seed oil every day. I used to have hot flashes until I started eating my salad every day with a dressing of flax seed oil, lemon and a bit of lemon pepper. Hot flashes be gone! It also does some very nice things for your digestion. Buy your flax seed oil at a health food store, or a good grocery store. It comes packaged in an opaque or dark glass bottle, and must be kept refrigerated. You only need a few teaspoons mixed up fresh every day.

Note — I also sprinkle ground flax seed on my yogurt every morning. It has lignans, which have plant estrogen and antioxidants, and are just plain great for you.

MinChex. One thing I noticed as I hit menopause is that my ambition has completely changed. As I went through a sweeping life transition, I lost interest in a ‘million dollar business’. Now I want lasting love, peace, serenity, authentic work and ease.

And yeah, I still have to get things done. So in order to get a bit fired up, yet remain balanced and serene, I’ve been taking a supplement from Standard Process called MinChex.  It helps support the nervous system, so you can move through your day efficiently, yet without stress. PLEASE NOTE: You must order these through a chiropractor or other health provider.

Superfood Smoothies. One of the great joys of my day is having a ‘milkshake’ made entirely of fruit, veggies, superfoods, and things like coconut milk and coconut water. The twist is I get my recipes from a fantastic cookbook that makes the smoothies taste absolutely delicious – even the green ones, which become very indulgent flavors like Mint Chip. If you avoid sugar, these can become your daily treat. And if you’re like me, you MUST have your treat. It’s sacred!

Limiting alcohol. This suggestion may not be popular to those who love their nightly Chardonnay as much as I did at the end of my first marriage. But there actually is a whole new world on the other side of the nightly cocktail. It includes increased vim and vigor, better sleep and fewer pounds.

It can be a push to get there even if you consider yourself a casual ‘just a glass each night’ drinker, but honestly, the rewards are so worth it. Try it for a month. You may find, like me, that you simply lose interest. I have now found my happy medium in one or two good glasses of wine per week.

Regular ‘me’ time. Even though I recently remarried, I still need my glorious pockets of time alone. Every morning I sit in my own little inner sanctum and tune in to me. What do I need today? Will this be a day to swim or take a hike? Which friend am I feeling moved to call? What issue do I need to call my Congress-people about? And what about that weird dream I had last night? All of it gets addressed when I sit with myself. Journaling figures in, and creative list making, too.

Yeah, I’ve always needed this. But somehow, earlier in life when I was rearing kids and working outside the home, that need receded. Happily … it’s back!

A good night’s sleep. Sounds impossible, right? I know! But lately, my sleep has been coming back. I attribute a lot of that to a wonderful little book I read called ‘Say Good Night to Insomnia‘ by Gregg D. Jacobs. I read this book a few years ago, and had to work with its various suggestions to figure out what worked and what didn’t. My top suggestions are keeping a sleep log, and using Sleep Restraint to retrain your bio-clock. Read my much more extensive blog post on this — 12 Great Drug-Free Solutions to Insomnia.

These are just a few ideas to get you started crafting your own Menopausal Self Care Plan. And do please let me know a few of your own favorite menopausal self-care goodies in the comments below.

Thanks, as ever, for being a part of my life.

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