Lynn Flewelling's Blog, page 18
June 1, 2012
Writing Relationships, Pt 2, Less Sex
On another blog, a reader asked how I handled creating Seregil and Alec's growing relationship, and how you can keep a long term relationship dynamic.
The short answer is that I base it on my own life experience, being in a very long term relationship. People change and grow as they go on, and for two people to remain in a committed relationship over a long period of time, there has to be not only room for but appreciation of that growth. And change doesn’t mean that you become someone different entirely, although some people do make life shifts that can break a relationship. If that happens, then there might possibly not have been a strong core relationship. By core, I mean that there is not only passion or one common interest, but a deep seated friendship and mutual support network that can weather change and hard times. Am I making any sense?
Seregil and Alec are very much individuals, and differing personalities, united by common interests and an abiding love for one another based on mutual respect, passion, shared experience, and those intangibles that separate like from love. It’s a good mix. To really love someone in a lasting fashion, you have to take the warts with the beauty marks, and love them with their flaws, rather than because or in spite of them. (This in no way has anything to do with staying in an abusive or violent relationship, btw. Dysfunction and violence go well beyond relationship flaws!) I try to keep them intact in their own personalities, and give them each experiences separate from the other. Contrary to appearances, they aren’t joined at the hip emotionally. One of the reasons I wrote Stalking Darkness and White Road was to explore how they function separately or at odds with each other. In Casket there is still friction, but that’s life.
The short answer is that I base it on my own life experience, being in a very long term relationship. People change and grow as they go on, and for two people to remain in a committed relationship over a long period of time, there has to be not only room for but appreciation of that growth. And change doesn’t mean that you become someone different entirely, although some people do make life shifts that can break a relationship. If that happens, then there might possibly not have been a strong core relationship. By core, I mean that there is not only passion or one common interest, but a deep seated friendship and mutual support network that can weather change and hard times. Am I making any sense?
Seregil and Alec are very much individuals, and differing personalities, united by common interests and an abiding love for one another based on mutual respect, passion, shared experience, and those intangibles that separate like from love. It’s a good mix. To really love someone in a lasting fashion, you have to take the warts with the beauty marks, and love them with their flaws, rather than because or in spite of them. (This in no way has anything to do with staying in an abusive or violent relationship, btw. Dysfunction and violence go well beyond relationship flaws!) I try to keep them intact in their own personalities, and give them each experiences separate from the other. Contrary to appearances, they aren’t joined at the hip emotionally. One of the reasons I wrote Stalking Darkness and White Road was to explore how they function separately or at odds with each other. In Casket there is still friction, but that’s life.
Writing Love, Relationships, and Sex
I am the guest blogger at Cup O Porn today, talking about the challenges of writing sex, love, and relationships. The site does include adult content and NSFW photos. Consider yourself enticed, er, warned.
http://cupoporn.net/2012/06/01/friday-free-for-all-lynn-flewelling/
And I'm giving away some signed books, too!
http://cupoporn.net/2012/06/01/friday-free-for-all-lynn-flewelling/
And I'm giving away some signed books, too!
Today's Buddhist Thought
"Our good fortune is dependent upon the cooperation and contributions of others. Every aspect of our present well-being is due to hard work on the part of others. As we look around us at the buildings we live and work in, the roads we travel, the clothes we wear, or the food we eat, we have to acknowledge that all are provided by others. None of them would exist for us to enjoy and make use of were it not for the kindness of so many people unknown to us." The Dalai Lama
May 31, 2012
Great writing advice!
Here is a blog, not by me for once, on how to make space for your writing. It's excellent advice!
http://www.rachellegardner.com/2012/05/never-run-out-of-ideas/#comment-407613
http://www.rachellegardner.com/2012/05/never-run-out-of-ideas/#comment-407613
May 30, 2012
Sunday's Book Signing
The folks at Mysterious Galaxy have informed me that there will also be a marathon (unrelated) that day, so allow time for bad traffic.
End of PSA
End of PSA
May 29, 2012
Today's Best Typo
He took his position beside the table and wove a peeing spell on the air.
Casket of Souls Audiobook Live!
Just heard from Audible that the audiobook version of Casket of Souls went live this morning! Whoo too! And once again, narrator Adam Danoff consulted with me on pronunciations, so what you hear is what I intended. :-)
http://www.audible.com/pd/ref=sr_1_1?asin=B00852GJEQ&qid=1338308644&sr=1-1
http://www.audible.com/pd/ref=sr_1_1?asin=B00852GJEQ&qid=1338308644&sr=1-1
May 28, 2012
Interview at Magical Words Blog
Sorry folks, but I've done a lot of them for this book! Something a little different in each, I hope.
http://www.magicalwords.net/specialgueststars/lynn-flewelling-casket-of-souls/
http://www.magicalwords.net/specialgueststars/lynn-flewelling-casket-of-souls/
In Which Seregil, Thero, and I are interviewed together!
Sam, over at Books and a Short Latte, recently had Seregil, Thero, and I sit down together for an interview. Enjoy!
http://abookandashortlatte.wordpress.com
http://abookandashortlatte.wordpress.com
