Rick Hanson's Blog, page 122
August 20, 2012
Wake Up To Good News
Are you exaggerating sticks while downplaying carrots?
The Practice:
Wake up to good news.
Why?
“Tell the truth.” It’s the foundation of science, ethics, and relationships.
But we have a brain that evolved to tell lies to help us survive. As I’ve written before, over several hundred million years our ancestors:
* Had to avoid two kinds of mistakes: thinking there’s a tiger in the bushes but actually all is well, and thinking all is well but actually there is a tiger about to pounce. The cost of th...
August 6, 2012
Change The Channel
What can you do when nothing is working?
The Practice:
Change the channel.
Why?
In response to my previous JOT – Find Stillness – a wise therapist, Betsy Sansby, reminded me that sometimes a person just can’t find any stillness anywhere. Maybe you have epilepsy or chronic pain, or are wildly worried about a child or other loved one, or have been rejected in love or had the bottom fall out financially. In other words, as Betsy put it, like there’s a nest of bees in your chest.
She’s right.
Sometimes...
July 31, 2012
Find Stillness
What doesn’t change?
The
Practice:
Find stillness.
Why?
Things keep changing. The clock ticks, the day unfolds, trees grow, leaves turn brown, hair turns gray, children grow up and leave home, attention skitters from this to that, the cookie is delicious but then it’s all gone, you’re mad about something for awhile and then get over it, consciousness streams on and on and on.
Many changes are certainly good. Most people are glad to put middle school behind them. I’m still happy about shifting thir...
July 20, 2012
Forgive Yourself
Are you hard on yourself?
The Practice:
Forgive Yourself.
Why?
Everyone messes up. Me, you, the neighbors, everybody.
It’s important to acknowledge mistakes, learn from them so they don’t happen again, and feel appropriate remorse. But most people keep beating themselves up way past the point of usefulness: they’re unfairly self-critical.
Inside the mind are many sub-personalities. For example, one part of me sets the alarm clock for 6 am to get up and exercise . . . and then when it goes off, anot...
July 13, 2012
Forgive
Are you holding onto feeling wronged?
The Practice:
Forgive.
Why?
Forgiveness is a tricky topic.
First, it has two distinct meanings:
* To give up resentment or anger
* To pardon an offense; to stop seeking punishment or recompense
Here, I am going to focus on the first meaning, which is broad enough to include situations where you have not let someone off the hook morally or legally, but you still want to come to peace about whatever happened. Finding forgiveness can walk hand in hand with pursuin...
July 6, 2012
Minimize Painful Experiences
Are you feeling unneeded pain?
The Practice:
Minimize painful experiences.
Why?
Painful experiences range from subtle discomfort to extreme anguish – and there is a place for them. Sorrow can open the heart, anger can highlight injustices, fear can alert you to real threats, and remorse can help you take the high road next time.
But is there really any shortage of suffering in this world? Look at the faces of others – including mine – or your own in the mirror, and see the marks of weariness, i...
June 29, 2012
Don’t Be Intimidated
What makes you feel threatened?
The Practice:
Don’t be intimidated.
Why?
On a previous blog at the Huffington Post, I used the example of Stephen Colbert’s satirical “March to Keep Fear Alive” as a timely illustration of a larger point: humans evolved to be fearful – since that helped keep our ancestors alive – so we are very vulnerable to being frightened and even intimidated by threats, both real ones and “paper tigers.” With his march, Colbert was obviously mocking those who play on fear, s...
June 23, 2012
Relax, You’ve Arrived
Are we there yet?
The Practice:
Relax, you’ve arrived.
Why?
We spend so much of our time trying to get somewhere.
Part of this comes from our biological nature. To survive, animals – including us – have to be goal-directed, leaning into the future.
It’s certainly healthy to pursue wholesome aims, like paying the rent on time, raising children well, healing old pain, or improving education.
But it’s also important to see how this focus on the future – on endless striving, on getting the next task don...
June 21, 2012
Hold Wants Lightly
What do you want?
The Practice:
Hold wants lightly.
Why?
Getting caught up in wanting – wanting both to get what’s pleasant and to avoid what’s unpleasant – is a major source of suffering and harm for oneself and others.
First, a lot of what we want to get comes with a big price tag – such as that second cupcake, constant stimulation via TV and websites, lashing out in anger, intoxication, over-working, or manipulating others to get approval or love. On a larger scale, the consumer-based lifestyle...
June 14, 2012
Let It Go
When is it “time to fold ‘em?”
The Practice:
Let it go.
Why?
Most people, me included, are holding onto at least one thing way past its expiration date.
It could be a belief, perhaps that your hair is falling out and you are ugly and unlovable as a result, that you can’t say what you really feel in an intimate relationship, or that you must lose ten pounds to be attractive. It could be a desire, such as wishing someone would treat you better, pushing to make a project be successful, yearning for a...
