Rick Hanson's Blog, page 126
November 23, 2011
Say Thanks
Each Thanksgiving holiday, we are reminded to be thankful. When times are tough, finding reasons to be thankful may be challenging or even seem inappropriate or impossible. This year, before we sit around the dinner table, let's think about the myriad benefits to saying thanks, and how to truly savor the opportunity, no matter what.
What do others give you?
The Practice:
Say thanks.
Why?
What do you feel when someone thanks you for something? For a comment in a meeting, a task done at home...
November 18, 2011
Natural Contentment II – Taking in the Good Meditation
Part II of a talk and guided mediation given at Spirit Rock Meditation Center in March, 2011.
Your brain evolved a negativity bias that makes it like Velcro for negative experiences but Teflon for positive ones. Therefore, a foundation for happiness is to deliberately weave positive experiences into the fabric of your brain and your self.
Listen to Part I of the Natural Contentment Podcast
Visit the podcast on iTunes
Click play button below to listen on this site
November 17, 2011
See the Good in Others
What do you notice in people?
The Practice:
See the good in others.
Why?
Many interactions these days have a kind of bumper-car quality to them. At work, at home, on the telephone, via email: we sort of bounce off of each other while we exchange information, smile or frown, and move on. How often do we actually take the extra few seconds to get a sense of what's inside other people – especially their good qualities?
In fact, because of what scientists call the brain's "negativity bias" (you...
November 11, 2011
Ask Questions
What are you learning?
The Practice
Ask questions:
Why?
My dad grew up on a ranch in North Dakota. He has a saying from his childhood – you may have heard it elsewhere – that's: "You learn more by listening than by talking."
Sure, we often gain by thinking out loud, including discovering our truth by speaking it. But on the whole, listening brings lots more valuable information than talking does.
Nonetheless, many people are not the greatest listeners. (You've probably noticed this already: at ...
November 4, 2011
Be Friendly
Friend or Foe?
The Practice:
Be friendly.
Why?
Friendliness is a down-to-earth approach to others that is welcoming and positive.
Think about a time when someone was friendly to you – maybe drawing you into a gathering, saying hello on the sidewalk, or smiling from across the room. How did that make you feel? Probably more included, comfortable, and at ease; safer; more open and warm-hearted.
When you are friendly to others, you offer them these same benefits. Plus you get rewarded yourself...
October 30, 2011
Know You're a Good Person
Who are you, deep down?
The Practice:
Know you're a good person.
Why?
For many of us, perhaps the hardest thing of all is to believe that "I am a good person." We can climb mountains, work hard, acquire many skills, act ethically – but truly feel that one is good deep down? Nah!
We end up not feeling like a good person in a number of ways. For example, I once knew a little girl who'd been displaced by her baby brother and fended off and scolded by her mother who was worn down and busy caring ...
October 23, 2011
Feed the Wolf of Love
Which wolf do you feed?
The Practice:
Feed the wolf of love.
Why?
I once heard a Native American teaching story in which an elder, a grandmother, was asked what she had done to become so happy, so wise, so loved and respected. She replied: "It's because I know that there are two wolves in my heart, a wolf of love and a wolf of hate. And I know that everything depends on which one I feed each day."
This story always gives me the shivers when I think of it. Who among us does not have both a...
October 21, 2011
Have Compassion
Do You Care?
The Practice:
Have compassion.
Why?
Compassion is essentially the wish that beings not suffer – from subtle physical and emotional discomfort to agony and anguish – combined with feelings of sympathetic concern.
You could have compassion for an individual (a friend in the hospital, a co-worker passed over for a promotion), groups of people (victims of crime, those displaced by a hurricane, refugee children), animals (your pet, livestock heading for the slaughterhouse), and...
Have Compassion – Just One Thing
Do You Care?
The Practice:
Have compassion.
Why?
Compassion is essentially the wish that beings not suffer – from subtle physical and emotional discomfort to agony and anguish – combined with feelings of sympathetic concern.
You could have compassion for an individual (a friend in the hospital, a co-worker passed over for a promotion), groups of people (victims of crime, those displaced by a hurricane, refugee children), animals (your pet, livestock heading for the slaughterhouse), and...
October 1, 2011
Drop Tart Tone
Feeling a little sour?
The Practice:
Drop tart tone.
Why?
Tone matters.
I remember times I felt frazzled or aggravated and then said something with an edge to it that just wasn't necessary or useful. Sometimes it was the words themselves: such as absolutes like "never" or always," or over-the-top phrases like "you're such a flake" or "that was stupid." More often it was the intonation in my voice, a harsh vibe or look, interrupting, or a certain intensity in my body. However I did it, the p...
