Laura Roberts's Blog, page 71

My Coyote Ugly Life blog tour: An #excerpt and #giveaway

“How on earth do I get myself in these situations? I swear it’s like a never-ending bad dream. One of all my mistakes that continuously bite me in my size ten ass.”

Azaria “Ree” Gable had her one experience with heartbreak and that was enough for her. She’s perfectly satisfied with her “One Month Rule” and doesn’t need her life changing anytime soon.

When circumstances take her back home, she learns things have changed…

A lot…

First and foremost being with the complete and astonishing overhaul and revamp of the Belton Police Department, where apparently the application was changed to state “Ugly Men Need Not Apply” and the only requirement is “How Well Do You Look In This Uniform?”

Ree unexpectedly catches the eye of the new ‘gina-quiver inducing Chief of Police Grayson Cole, which starts an endless game of cat and mouse.

Will Ree let go of her misconceptions about relationships and allow Grayson to show her how beautiful life can really be?

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It’s now six o’clock and I’m sitting down to try to get

ahead on a little work for an author friend of mine that wants me to help her

come up with some graphics. I just get my program pulled up when the doorbell

rings. 
I walk out of my office, turn and head to the door. I look

out the peephole and see Chief Cole standing there. I immediately duck down,

because everyone knows that cops can see through those little holes. It’s some

kind of special tactical training they have to go through at the academy. 
I, ever… so… quietly, walk backwards down the hall. Then

there is a pounding at the door (you know the one I’m talking about. Cop Move

2. The three quick pounds on the door that are able to wake the dead.). I

freeze and don’t breathe for a moment. Just in case.
“Ree! Open the damn door!” he says, sounding

exasperated. 
I continue my mission impossible escape back into my office.

My desk faces the front windows, so I covertly move to the side that has the

string to close the blinds. I plaster my back against the wall and, slowly,

pull on the string. The blinds are on the opposite side from the string, and

they are almost all the way to me when a face appears on the other side of the

glass next to me.
“Aaaaeeee!” I scream out, hands flailing, ducking down and

throwing my hands over my head.
“Ree,” he says seriously; his voice muffled through the

glass, “Open the damn door.” 
I lift my head and look up at him through the window, “No.”

I’m pretty proud of the fact that my voice comes out strong and defiant,

despite the fact that I totally freaked out.


“Ree.”
“No!” I stand up and put my hands on my hips. “You can’t

make me.” I grab the string and close the blinds the rest of the way, then go

back to my desk, sit down and decide to get back to work.
Except it’s kind of hard, knowing he’s just on the other

side of the window… 
Nope. Back to work. 
I bring up a couple pictures and begin to manipulate them. I

push away all thoughts of Chief Panty Melter and begin to work diligently. I

look at the clock on my computer, after what feels like an hour, and realize

it’s only been two minutes. I look back at my double monitors; I haven’t done

anything other than stare at the pictures. I can’t freaking concentrate!
Fuck it!
I get up and walk over to the window. I pull the blinds

apart and deftly look out. 
Hmm. 
He’s not there. 
I open them further and look all around my front yard. There

is no trace of him. 
Damn.
I mean, good. Yeah. It’s good news.
“Looking for something?”
“What the fuck!” I scream, spinning around, my hand flying

to my chest. Chief Panty Melter is leaning against the wall, arms crossed,

smiling at me. “How the hell did you get in here?!” I demand.
He tilts his head back, “Back door was unlocked,” he answers.


“So, you… you just came right in?” I demand, my voice a

little weak. Dammit. 
“Well,” he raises his brows, looks down at himself and the

fact that he is very much in my house, then looks back up at me, “yeah.”
“That’s a B&E and you’re a cop!”
“And?”
 “And?” I jerk my head

back. “And?” I demand, getting closer

to him and in his face, “You can’t just

break into someone’s house!” I screech, stomping my feet and holding my

fists tight to my sides, arms straight. 
He moves quick. Really

quick. One second, I’m in his face yelling, the next he has my back against the

wall, his body holding mine in place and his hands resting against the wall on

either side of my head.
His eyes roam over my face with an intensity I don’t

recognize.
“Fuck,” he says quietly. “Has anyone ever told you how

unbelievably sexy you are when you’re mad?”
I blink.
I blink again.
One more time.
Did I just hear him right?
“What?” I breathe out in shock.
“Baby, I’ve never been more turned on than I am at this exact

fucking moment.”

 

My first book, Darkness Deserved, released July of 2013. It is the first book in the Shattering the Darkness Series.I’m crazy and love my friends, family and booze. I used to never read when I was growing up. My mother always tried to get me to read and I wanted no part in it. I figured why read when it’s going to be a movie? (Yes, like I said crazy.)

Well, a few years ago I jumped on the Twilight bandwagon. I’ve always loved supernatural movies and when I saw the previews I knew I wanted to see it. And see it I did. I immediately went out and bought the books and became hooked.They came to me at a very special time in my life.

I discovered I loved to read and found my niche in the paranormal and romance genre. I started a book club with a cousin and all of a sudden these thoughts kept assaulting my brain.

So I wrote them down. Then, deciding that I wanted to write, I contacted some wonderfully amazing women who helped me through the process.

I now have three books under my belt and am still learning constantly.

The My Life Series is by far my favorite to write. There are some events in the story that are based on actual events that have happened in my life.

I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed living them.

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Fuck you, Facebook: Why I’m giving this social media site the finger

Last week I quit Facebook.

That probably sounds insane to a lot of you, but it’s already improved my life. Not only am I no longer wasting time checking and posting statuses every day, looking for tidbits of news amongst the narcissism, but I’m also not compelled to waste my writing time arguing with morons who show up purely to start fights or troll the groups I belong to.

The social media gurus among you are probably flipping out, wondering how I will ever sell any books, but I’m quite convinced that Facebook has never contributed to a single sale of any of my books in the first place. In fact, it’s my opinion that Facebook has actively been diverting attention from my website and thereby destroying any possibility for sales, as it gives people no reason to click over and see what’s new or subscribe to my blog when they can simply add it to another list of items they’ve “liked” on Facebook.

So fuck Facebook. There, I said it.

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In case you were wondering, here’s my list of beefs with the social media platform, and why I decided to give it the finger once and for all.

1. Facebook Messenger. Whoever developed this mobile app, required to access your messages (which, by the way, are still accessible from within Facebook.com if you log in from your computer), should be flayed for a week before being fired. This piece of junk forces you to read your instant messages in a totally different app — thus negating the whole concept of an in-app messenger. It’s also been the target of much online brouhaha regarding privacy issues, though Facebook claims the allegations against Messenger are false. Even if they are, the fact remains that Facebook Messenger is an idiotic idea and a pain in the ass to use.

2. Facebook’s Mood Manipulation Experiment. It was (and is) unethical, illegal, and downright digusting: Facebook manipulated its users’ feeds this summer as part of an enormous psychological experiment. Do negative posts result in negative feelings – and more negative posts – on Facebook? Did you really need to fuck with my feed to find out the answer to this question?

3. Facebook Chat. Even before Facebook unleashed its idiotic Messenger app upon us, I was annoyed by Facebook’s chat feature. Not only were people suddenly able to start pinging me relentelessly every time they discovered I was online, but if we were having any sort of serious discussion in which documents or other vital info was being exchanged, if I didn’t IMMEDIATELY take action (i.e. write it down somewhere else, email it to myself, download the documents), all of this information would invariably become lost in the totally unsortable mess that is the chat “inbox.” Unlike sending a normal person a normal email, Facebook only sorts your chats by the most recently received messages, constantly displacing earlier chats and providing no way to categorize or archive items of importance. I was constantly telling people to send me emails of stuff they’d already sent me via chat messages, since these items would be lost in the flood of messages, and everyone got super annoyed. Even more frustrating, messages sent from people you’re NOT friends with go into a black hole called the “Other” folder. You will basically never see any of these messages, and therefore this folder might as well not even exist. Whoever is in charge of this function on Facebook should also be fired; it’s annoying as hell, intrusive and illogical. If I wanted to chat with someone, I’d get on Skype and be done with this mess.

4. Privacy Issues Galore. One of my friends has had frequent and persistent privacy issues with Facebook, resulting in her private contact info being made public. This is not only a violation of Facebook’s own TOS and a pain in the ass to have to keep checking (and double checking, and rechecking every time a goddamn update is imposed), but a clear and present personal safety hazard in a world where psychotic video gamers can decide to track down your home address, send you death threats and even show up on your doorstep with god knows what kinds of weaponry. Facebook basically doesn’t give a shit about its users’ privacy, and we’ve all known that from the start but chosen to ignore it. Frankly, with all this Gamergate hubbub, I don’t think it’s wise to continue ignoring the obvious.

5. Facebook Doesn’t Sell Books. You want to know why? Because it’s been actively turning down the reach on authors’ pages for quite some time now. Even if you have thousands of followers, you’re only reaching a maximum of 16% of them whenever you post. Depending on your numbers, you may only be reaching 2% of those people. How the hell are you going to keep readers interested in your books — much less aware of the existence of new ones — when you have to pay just to reach the audience you’ve already built? It doesn’t add up, and I’m not going to pay Facebook to talk to the people who are interested in what I have to say when I can email them directly through my own mailing list or post for the entire world to read on my blog.

So if you’re still here, I apologize for my intense Monday morning vitriol, but it needed to be purged. I’m off Facebook, for the forseeable future, and anything you read from my pages there is simply being autoposted from this blog.

Why not read it straight from the source?

You can subscribe to my mailing list if you’d like a weekly digest of everything posted here, and if you ever feel moved to respond to a post, I’m just a “reply” button away. No more Facebook middleman, no more online psychos starting pointless drama. Just words sent from me to you.

Have you quit Facebook yet? What were your reasons, and how has your life changed for the better?

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Geek erotica: Galactic Treasure by Theodora Marie Adams

This post is part of a virtual book tour organized by Goddess Fish Promotions. The author will be awarding a grand prize of a $25 Amazon GC to a randomly drawn commenter during the tour and five $5 Amazon GCs as runner-up prizes. Click on the tour banner to see the other stops on the tour.

Connor Masterson has finally managed to take some time off and go to Earth Con. For three days and nights, he’s going to get his geek on without worrying about work or the latest edition of his science fiction manga novel. He never expected to find two men who embody all his dreams and fantasies there and certainly not right after signing in.

Neither Valvik nor Zaraheed are looking forward to their current assignment: go to the Earth Con located in Austin, Texas and track down any and all rumors on the Ark scrolls, an ancient collection needed for the betterment of their dying people. Neither warrior expects to be drawn to a human, especially the same one.

The two men are determined to stay as low key as possible while searching for the scrolls, but that might be hard to do with an intergalactic killer wants the scrolls for himself.

An Excerpt

Connor turned his head to the left to look into Victor’s lavender eyes. They appeared luminescent even in the dark bar. He swore they shined as though backlit with light. Whatever company made Victor’s contacts had done a wonderful job. If Connor didn’t know for a fact that nothing human could have that eye color, well, he would swear they were real. Though he knew they were fake, there was no denying what looking into those eyes did to him. His cock swelled, his heart pounded, and thinking became rocket science. “Uh,” he stammered out intelligently.

Victor’s lips tilted up just the slightest bit at the edge. Connor got the distinct impression Victor was trying very hard not to laugh at him. He should’ve been offended, but he wasn’t. Instead he found an answering half smile on his own mouth. Yeah, he was totally acting like a starstruck teen, but he couldn’t help it. These men perfectly embodied what he wanted in a man. Things he never thought he’d get in one — or in this case, two — packages.

“Come. Join us. We promise you will not regret your decision,” Zack said.

He didn’t doubt, not after what happened just minutes ago in the back of the taxi. The question was should he keep going, allow this thing between them to go where it wanted. He could walk away, call it quits, but did he want to?

Connor tilted his head slightly to the right to look at him. His eyes were a dark amber color, no less alien than his friend’s.

When he was ten Connor realized he wasn’t like his classmates and liked boys. Since then he’d been blessed and cursed to meet some truly fascinating guys, men he couldn’t help but fall for, but he had yet to meet a person who called out to him as much as these men did. Not even his ex-boyfriend affected him as strongly as they did and he was with the guy for three years.

The attraction was exhilarating. Invigorating. Frightening.

Zack moved just a little bit closer and the heat from his body burned along Connor’s skin. “Give us this night. Let us provide your every need, fulfill your every desire. Connor, let us treasure you.” Zack’s breath tickled Connor’s nape and his words seared his ear.

Let us treasure you. Connor swallowed thickly and nodded his head. How could he say no to that?

About the Author

Theodora is an avid traveler who discovered Japanese manga and anime in her youth, closely followed by yaoi. She’s been in love with pretty boys who love equally attractive men since then. Theodora can usually find her in a local coffee shop drinking black tea and typing furiously. You can find her online at TheodoraMarieAdams.com, on Goodreads. You can also buy a copy of the book at Changling Press.

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Fairy Tales for the Smutty: A review of Cinderella and Prince Dom by Sydney St. Claire

As noted in yesterday’s post, I’ve got a second Hump Day Review for you today! This one is for Cinderella & Prince Dom, an erotic romance novella in the new “Once Upon a Dom” series by Sydney St. Claire.

I quite enjoyed this erotic romance – perhaps the first I’ve read where the erotic side of the genre is emphasized most thoroughly. The Cinderella character, Jaimie Newberry, has never experienced the joy of partnered orgasms, and her best friend, Lucy, is determined to help her meet her Prince Charming during a sexy weekend at Pleasure Manor.

Little does Jaimie know that she’s been partnered up with Bryce Langston, CEO of the company from which she’s just been fired on suspicion of embezzlement. Her prince is determined to discover the truth about Jaimie’s tarnished reputation – and have a little fun in the bedroom while he’s at it.

Combining a variety of standard erotica tropes, including the secret sex club, light BDSM power play between a (former) boss and employee, and a new member’s introduction into the Dom/sub lifestyle, St. Claire still manages to hold the reader’s attention with surprising details tucked into the tried-and-true setting.

The erotic weekend offers a number of hot sex scenes between Bryce and Jaimie as he helps her transition from mild to wild. Additionally, there are some believable reasons for her indulging in sex with a masked man, unlike many of the masquerade fantasies I’ve read!

The power play in this book works nicely, even after Bryce has made his decision about Jaimie’s role in his company’s fraud problems, and the couple’s brief discussions concerning control and who’s really in charge during a scene allows readers who might balk at BDSM a chance to reconsider their feelings on the subject.

For those interested in more hardcore scenes of bondage and domination, Cinderella’s story may not be quite kinky enough to satisfy, but I enjoyed the book’s moderate kink level as an introduction to a series that’s bound to get hotter the more it explores additional characters from the club. (Jaimie’s pal, Lucy, stars as Little Red Riding Hood in one sexy scene, hinting at the darker desires to come in the follow-up, Red & Her Big Bad Dom – slated for release this November.) With scenes involving soft restraints, riding crops and hand spanking submissive Cinderella, there’s just enough to whet your whistle and leave you begging for more.

Chili Pepper Rating: Jalapeño — hot enough to get your juices flowing

Character Development: Well done. Even the romantic element of this erotic romance felt natural, with two lovers wanting more after a long weekend of shared sexual thrills. Will Cinderella and her Dom end up happily ever after? Who knows, but at least they’ve enjoyed themselves along the way.

Erotic Comparisons: This book reminded me of the Fifty Shades of Alice in Wonderland trilogy, by Melinda DuChamp, due to its similar erotic take on a classic tale. Naturally, the Cinderella story lends itself to different explorations than Alice’s adventures, but the feeling of being “through the looking glass” remains the same for those experiencing a BDSM story for the first time.

The Giveaway

Don’t forget to check back on yesterday’s post to enter the giveaway!

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Hump Day Reviews: The Position by Dahlia Salvatore

Today’s Hump Day Review is of The Position by Dahlia Salvatore, which is currently on tour with Bewitching Book Tours.

Book Description

Dylan Farrow puts on his pants every morning one leg at a time, just like everyone else at the Kerrigan Advertising Agency. He handles high-pressure projects with a fast turnaround. He’s prized for his keen intellect and admirable performance. But how did he get where he is today—to the level of Junior Executive of Design Production?

Well, that involves how he takes his pants off…

and for whom…

Hoping to break through the glass ceiling under which she’s been trapped for years, Valerie Caplan picks up her life and moves to Seattle. After hearing about the position of Senior Executive of Design Production from an art director at Kerrigan, she decides to apply. When she lands the big interview, she never thinks for a minute that she’ll have any serious competition. She assumes that she has the job in the bag… until she discovers that the only competition has something she doesn’t have—the willingness to go outside the office to impress Danica Stewart, their uptight female boss.

Curious? It’s currently available for purchase at Amazon.

My Review

Another erotic take on the tried and true office romance, The Position offers a glimpse into the world of compromised morals populated by ad executives. Reversing the typical roles, Dahlia Salvatore’s ladder-climber is a single man in a predominantly female world. If that isn’t fantasy enough, Dylan’s been getting away with some terribly blatant sexual blackmail for years. He’s about as sleazy a scumbag as you could associate with the profession of advertising – the type Bill Hicks is talking about in his infamous “Kill Yourself” bit – and yet he’s oddly intriguing.

It’s probably his “9 inch long, 2 inch around” cock. Or maybe it’s the way he’ll make you beg for it.

In any event, he’s the type of take-charge guy who has women on their knees doing his bidding. But he’s also the kind of guy who digs giving as good as he gets, and if anyone’s being used for sex in these scenarios, it could just be him. What else would you call the kind of sexual satisfaction he doles out, leaving women spent and dripping their juices in the bedroom, the boardroom, and even a private sex club?

The sex scenes in this book are definitely hot, thanks to Dylan’s commanding presence. And I don’t even like blondes.

It’s the romance part of the book that’s troubling me.

Billed as erotica, as opposed to an erotic romance, I’m not quite sure I buy Mr. Love ‘Em and Leave ‘Em is falling for Valerie, the new gal in town. Sure, she’s described as sexy, take-charge and hungry for that corner office… and she’s thrown into the shark tank with Dylan, to work together on a lingerie campaign that will determine the course of both of their careers… but that’s no reason for these two to go messing everything up by falling in love!

Call me crazy, but I really have no need for the romance part of this office romance. I was actually sold on the sex being purely for sex’s sake. Long hours together at the office, slutty lingerie as the perfect cover story, visiting an Eyes Wide Shut–esque sex club to spy on the boss, a no-show photographer – hell, these scenes are just begging for the string-free slap and tickle.

Thankfully, the romance doesn’t start up until about the last quarter of the book, with all of the attendant tears, heartache, break-up and make-up sex. I’ll try not to give the ending away, but you can probably see it coming – and I don’t mean with an “Oh, god, YES!” When Harry Met Sally–type orgasm.

So pro tip: If you’re writing erotica, please stick with the hot sex and leave all the mushy stuff out. All the sappy stuff is my kryptonite, kind of like Fred Savage complaining “They’re kissing again!” in The Princess Bride. Do not make me compare myself to Fred Savage when I am clearly The Dread Pirate Roberts!

“Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”

Now that I’ve given you enough random movie moments to make your head spin, I’ll say this book is clearly going to rate high on lots of ladies’ lists precisely because of the romance I dissed. Readers seem to love romances that break the bad boy, and you’ll find that here.

Those of you looking for anything hardcore in the bedroom, however, will likely be let down. The sex is hot, with excellent use of G-spotting techniques (guys, study up!), though more on the vanilla side when it comes to kink. And yes, that includes the scenes in the sex club, where there are some fun BDSM implements wielded on other characters, though not utilized by or on straight-arrow Dylan.

Personally, I enjoyed these scenes and found them well written – particularly in terms of the frustrating build-up before Dylan and Valerie finally hook up – but if you’re here for threesomes or spankings, those aren’t on the menu.

Chili Pepper Rating: Jalapeño — hot enough to get your juices flowing

Character Development: Well done! You made me want to hump the hell out of one very bad boy indeed, and I also didn’t hate the near-virginal Valerie, thanks to her hilarious wine swilling and feisty attitude. Two of the most tired tropes in all of erotica were made new here. Throw in the Iron Lady boss, Danica (who, I hear, has a spinoff in the works), abusing her power for sex with the office manslut and you’ve got a winner.

Erotic Comparisons: Similar office erotica plot to The Black Door by Charlotte Howard, complete with ad execs working on a naughty campaign (lingerie here, sex toys there) and a secret sex club – although this sex club is much more fun and sexually titillating, and the characters involved are far less judgmental about its existence and doings. For those interested in exploring secret sex clubs, I’d recommend the erotic classic Story of O.

About the Author

Dahlia Salvatore is a thirty-two-year-old female author living in Seattle, Washington with her husband. She comes from Coos Bay, Oregon and moved to Seattle six years ago. She loves the west coast and doesn’t see herself anywhere else.

Her influences include contemporary writers J.K. Rowling, Mary Balogh, Christina Dodd, Stephanie Laurens, Laurell K. Hamilton, Anne Rice, Stephen King, and many many others.

Connect

Find Dahlia on Facebook, Twitter, and her website, dahliasalvatore.com.

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Naughty Fairy Tales: Cinderella and Prince Dom excerpt and #giveaway

Looking for a new twist on the good old Cinderella story? Check out Cinderella & Prince Dom by Sydney St. Claire, an erotic romance from The Wild Rose Press.

About the Book

Jaimie Newberry is jobless, her rent is due, and her cat just died. On top of that, she was accused of embezzling before she was fired. When her friend invites her for a weekend of kinky fairytale role playing, she agrees to go as Cinderella. What has she got to lose when sex with a handsome prince is involved?

CEO Bryce Langston needs to know if Jamie is innocent of embezzlement or just very clever. He arranges for her to be his weekend sub but soon realizes the pretty scullery maid is naïve to the BDSM lifestyle. As her prince and her Dom, he intends to not only learn the truth but to make sure she has a fantasy come true.

An Excerpt

“What are you thinking?”

Flushing at his question, which sounded more like a demand, Jaimie wrinkled her nose. “I’m thinking that you have a very fine ass.”

He lifted a brow. “Eager to begin?”

When nervous or excited, Jaimie’s lips twitched on her left side, which made her a horrible poker player. Her lips were twitching now. “I’ve never—”

“I know,” he interrupted. “Let’s get back to business.” He flicked his wrist, and an envelope landed neatly on the table in front of her.

A bit put out by his abruptness, Jaimie lifted a brow but reached for the envelope. She eyed her partner warily.

“That is the result of my blood work, assuring you of my clean bill of health. I’ve seen yours.”

Jaimie scanned the single sheet of paper, noting that the name had been blacked out. She set it down. “Okay, what now?”

“Let’s talk about your sex life. I read the questionnaire you filled out and understand you’re game for a bit of light BDSM.”

“What?” The spit in Jaimie’s mouth dried. “What do you mean by light BDSM?” She was going to kill Lucy. She’d assumed many of the men and women she’d seen earlier were into some kinky stuff, but there’d been others wearing normal costumes. Like her.

“Dominant and submissive role playing.”

“Roles? As in I’m Cinderella and you’re the Prince?”

His lips curved in amusement. “Not quite. I am a Dominant who requires a submissive. I am your Dom and you are my sub. Those are our roles for the weekend.”

Jaimie stood. Yep. Her friend deserved a slow, torturous death. “I think there’s been a misunderstanding. I’m not into kinky sex or pain. I agreed to a weekend of free food, being waited on, and having sex with my prince charming.”

Buy A Copy

You can purchase Cinderella & Prince Dom at Amazon or The Wild Rose Press.

About the Author

Sydney St. Claire is the pseudonym of Susan Edwards, author of 14 Historical Native American/Western/Paranormal romances and the author of the popular “White” series. During her career, she has been nominated for the Romantic Times Career Achievement Award for Western Historical and Reviewer’s Choice Best Book Award.

Sydney loves writing and sharing stories of love, happiness and dreams come true with her readers. She credits her mother for her writing as she was encouraged to read as a child and preferred happy endings which meant romances were her favorite genre. When the writing bug bit, she followed the sensible advice to “write what you know” and has been writing and publishing her stories since!

Sydney takes her readers into the world of erotica romance where her characters come together in explosive passion as they solve life’s problems and find true love along with the best sex our hero and heroine have ever experienced.

Sydney resides in California. Her office is quite crowded with two small dogs at her feet, another huge girl in her recliner and five cats to keep her company while she writes. Three cats always insist on beds on her desk, barely leaving enough room for her monitor and keyboard. Life gets fun when all five insist on supervising…

When not writing, she enjoys crafts of all sorts including quilting, sewing, cross-stitch and knitting. Knitting and crochet are her current passions. She and her husband of 30 + years are avid gardeners. He takes care of the veggies, and Susan is in charge of the ‘pretties’. Her medicine wheel garden is in a contact state of war: flowers vs. weeds. Sadly, right now the weeds are wining…

Camping, fishing, biking and hiking (when not hot) are other outdoor pursuits she and her husband enjoy. She is of course, an avid reader and hates cooking and housework. While writing, she listens to a wide variety of music, including Neil Diamond, Celtic, Native American, New Age, Classical, and mood music (bagpipes and howling wolves drive my family nuts). Her current favorites are Blackmore’s Night and David Lanz.

Connect with Sydney on her website, sydneystclaire.com, or follow her on Twitter, Facebook, Goodreads or Pinterest. Sydney also blogs at sydneystclaire.wordpress.com.

The Giveaway

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Roman Reunion: An interview with Crystal Jordan (and giveaway)

Karen Patton’s life is falling apart. She signed divorce papers, quit her job, and moved back to her hometown into an apartment that couldn’t feel less like home. With two weeks of free time before she starts work at the Half Moon Bay Public Library, she’s crawling the walls, trying desperately not to miss the man who chose his career over her.

When an old college friend invites her to Italy for an impromptu wedding, she jumps at the chance to focus on something other than her own misery.

Tate Patton is doing his best to ignore the divorce papers that just landed on his desk. A rational, reasonable man would sign and be done with it. Instead, he seizes upon a wedding invitation to do something completely impetuous—ignore the papers and fly to Rome.

When they lay eyes on each other, the sparks fly as hot as the first time they met. Maybe the more mature versions of themselves can fix what’s broken. Their love is too strong not to try…

Excerpt

Karen had forgotten how vibrant the city was, especially the narrow, sloping alleys that made up the Trastevere rione where she’d gone to college and where Valentina and Gio still lived.

Karen had always loved it here. The rush of cars at a breakneck speed they’d never dare in America, the mass of people from all over the world who’d come to visit, the historic architecture, museums, and monuments. She dragged in a breath… and the tantalizing aroma of Italian food hit her nose. There was a restaurant on the bottom floor of Gio and Valentina’s building. Karen’s mouth watered, her stomach growled, and she was forcefully reminded that it would be breakfast time if she were in California. A nine hour time difference could really mess a body up.

Her old friends lived on the top floor, so Karen had stepped outside on the balcony to escape the wedding preparation madness. She was fairly certain every single female relative of Valentina’s had managed to cram themselves into the apartment. And they were loud and boisterous and happy. But mostly loud. Propping her elbows on the railing, Karen looked out over the skyline. A thousand different levels of rooflines, a few cathedral duomos, and she could just see the Vatican peeking between some of the buildings. So different from what she was used to.

A wave of laughter spilled out of the apartment, and she glanced back with a grin. They were a nice family – one who’d welcomed her for every holiday during the year she’d spent in Rome. Glancing at her watch, she saw it was well past time when she could check into her hotel.

It took her another half an hour to say goodbye to everyone because they all insisted on a hug and a kiss from her, told her how beautiful she was, how much they liked her new hairstyle, insisted she come back and join them for dinner. Finally, Valentina laughed, grabbed Karen’s elbow and thrust her out the door or she might never have escaped. She was still grinning when she hit the bottom of the staircase and entered the lobby.

And slammed into someone trying to go up the stairs. She stumbled back, an apology on her lips, but it never formed as her gaze collided with her soon-to-be-ex-husband’s.

“Tate,” she said faintly, falling back another step. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

The flash of utter shock on his face told her he’d had no idea they would both be in Rome either. He cleared his throat and shrugged. “The same thing you are, I’d imagine. Attending an old friend’s wedding.”

There was no way he’d had any more notice on the invitation than she’d had, which meant he’d done something spontaneous for the first time in years. She crossed her arms. “You dropped everything, just like that? You?”

He snorted. “Got one too many calls from Dad the night Gio invited me, so I ran away from home.”

The mere glimmer of a smile crossed her lips. “About time.”

Shaking his head, he huffed out a laugh. His gaze flitted over her. “You changed your hair.”

“Yes.” She flicked the tips with her fingers. “A new look to start my new life. I like it.”

He winced. She tried not to cringe because, really, she hadn’t meant to rub his face in it. It was just the standard response she’d come up with every time someone asked why she’d cut it.

Then there was an awkward moment where she had no idea what to say. She hadn’t expected to see him, didn’t have a list of banal conversational topics ready to save her from uncomfortable silences. “Uh… okay.” She glanced aside. “I need to go check in to my hotel. I, um, guess I’ll see you at dinner tonight.”

“Yes.” He let her get halfway across the lobby before he called out. “Out of curiosity, which hotel are you staying at?”

“The Gianicolo.”

“Me too.” An ironic smile tilted up one corner of his mouth. “Giovanni recommended it to you too, huh?”

She pressed the tips of her fingers against her temple and rubbed at the building pain. “I may have to murder him.”

“Not if I beat you to it.” A muscle ticked in his jaw, and he waved her off. “See you at dinner.”

“Bye.”

Then they went their separate ways. As usual.

Get Your Copy

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About the Author

Crystal Jordan is originally from California, but has lived and worked all over the United States as a university librarian. An award winning author, Crystal has published contemporary, paranormal, futuristic, and erotic romance with Kensington Aphrodisia, Harlequin Spice Briefs, Ellora’s Cave, and Samhain Publishing.

I recently asked her a few questions about her writing and inspirations. Here’s what she had to say.

How long have you been writing erotica, and what inspired you to get into this genre?

While my book has been labeled as erotica, all of my books have a happily-ever-after ending, so I’ve always mentally put my work more in the erotic romance category. I range from steamy to full-on filthy, but there’s always a happy ending (in every sense of the word!).

Back when I first starting writing romance – a chick lit paranormal and it had NO sex – I was stumped on my novel and getting seriously bored with spinning my wheels. So I took a break from the book and gave myself a challenge: write something completely different. I went for an erotic contemporary short story. To my surprise, it all came together really well and it sold to a publisher a month later. So there I was, published, but in a whole different genre than expected! The rest is history.

What gave you the idea for your latest book?

My own travels! The entire Destination: Desire series is inspired by the traveling my boyfriend and I have done together. It’s been really fun to write.

Who are some of your favorite erotica writers or other literary inspirations?

For my paranormal worldbuilding, I’ve learned so much from reading Robin D. Owens’ Heart Mate series. She explores new aspects of the planet Celta with every book, so the world gets a little bigger and more detailed each time you open a new book. Like one book explored the justice system, another religion, another aristocracy and class, another the social season, etc. I’ve always thought this was the best way to write a series and a paranormal world, without info-dumping every idea onto your readers in book one. Keep people coming back for more.

For straight up erotic naughtiness, I like Robin L. Rotham. Because I’ve written so much filthy sex, it’s hard to make me go “oooh, this is HOT,” but she manages every time.

Plus, both Robins are just fabulous people I’ve known for years now, and it’s so nice when the books you love are written by equally lovely people. Makes me love the stories even more.

Describe your typical writing routine. Where do you usually write?

At my desk in my awesome ergonomic desk chair. I *heart* this chair so hard.

How many words/pages do you write per day? Do you keep set hours? What does your workspace look like?

I work full-time, so I try to do about 1,000 words per day on weekdays and more on weekend days. How much more really depends on how close my current deadline is looming at the time.

I just moved in with my boyfriend and we’re sharing an office, so my work space has radically changed in the last month, but right now I’m at this really nifty table he imported from Germany years ago. It’s adjustable and can be as low as a coffee table and as high as a dining table. Since I’m pretty short, most “normal” desks are too tall for me, so this is great because I can set the height any way I want. My new desk faces our back window and I have a vase of sunflowers he bought for me sitting beside my monitor and a cup of tea steaming at my elbow.

Do you have any favorite foods or beverages that help keep your

creativity flowing?

Tea! I’m half-English so I was raised on the stuff. I like it black with milk and sweetener, but I can’t do caffeine in the afternoon, so I either decaffeinate my black tea or I go for herbals like chamomile or peppermint. I just found a new tea blender on Etsy (my old tea lady went out of business, sadly). So, yes, on weekends, I start the day with a cup of tea, check emails and social networks, and then it’s on to writing.

Do you have any writing superstitions or rituals when starting (or ending) a new book?

No, not really. I have my tea/writing habits, but I don’t write my stories in order, so I could be working on the ending today, Chapter 3 tomorrow, and the beginning some time next week. Basically, my writing process looks like chaos to most people, so my only ritual is to get words on the page. Any words from any part of the book.

Two of my favorite writing quotes are: “It can all be fixed in edits,” and “You can’t edit a blank page” (I think both of these come from Nora Roberts, but I’m not 100% sure). Combine these quotes and it’s just about getting words on the page and trying to freak out as little as possible. The freak outs give you writing blocks. So I guess I try not to have superstitions or rituals that might trip up my word-making.

What do you think makes for a good erotic story?

The couple’s (or trio’s or quad’s, etc) relationship has to be built through the sex as much as anything else. Just tacking on sex scenes for no reason comes across as gratuitous. You can learn a lot about people in bed. What they like or don’t like, what issues or hang ups they have about sex, what boundaries can be pushed, what role they play – dominant, submissive, kinks and fetishes. All of these things are part of a person and, in erotic stories, an author gets to explore this. The sex becomes another part of the storytelling.

What’s your favorite euphemism for genitalia?

Nipples, cock, dick, pussy, and clit. I like the classics!

What are some of your non-writing hobbies or interests?

For the second book in my Destination: Desire series, Hawaiian Holiday, I had a fiber artist as a heroine, so I took some knitting classes to get a feel for what she did and I got completely hooked. So now I knit and crochet for fun. I also read when I have time – I need to try audiobooks so I can do books and crafting at the same time!

My guy and I travel as much as we can. I got my passport a month before I met him because I was determined to see more of the world. He helped me put the first stamp in it. Total keeper, don’t you think?

What else have you written, and where can people learn more about you and your work?

I have about 50 books out now (I stopped counting after 30, to be honest, but I think I’m near 50-ish), from short stories to novels, so there’s a lot of selection for readers. I keep a full list on my website, www.crystaljordan.com.

If you’re interested in getting updates on my new books and contests (I’m giving away two awesome spa sets this month to new subscribers), you can sign up for my newsletter.

I’m also pretty active on Facebook and Twitter, so come follow me and we can chat!

Connect

You can also connect with Crystal at Goodreads, Pinterest or Tumblr.

Giveaway

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Fall Into Romance blog hop and fabulous prizes #HopswithHeart

Today I’m participating in the Fall Into Romance Blog Hop, organized by Jane Wakely.

There are a couple of prizes awaiting you at the end of this blog post, including the chance to win a $75 Amazon gift card, so stick around for some fun.

Now apparently in some U.S. states, September is already cold and blustery, with falling leaves and chilly temps. Not so, here in sunny SoCal, where we’re actually enduring a heat advisory this week — how ironic!

However, in the spirit of Fall and romances that will warm you up on a cold autumn night, I’ve decided to include a snippet from my erotic novella, Naked Montreal. If you can name a romance or erotica story set in a colder place than Montreal, I’d love to hear about it.

For those who’ve never visited in the chilliest of months (February is usually the iciest), Montreal can get downright frigid, with temperatures hitting –40. Just one of the many fun facts I learned while living in the Sin City of the North is that –40 is the point at which the Fahrenheit and Celsius temperature scales align exactly. BRRR!

So let’s heat things up with a brief excerpt from Frankie, the narrator of Naked Montreal and a sexy tour guide by trade. She’s just entered a strip club with a client, and she’s going to show him just how things are done in her line of work.

Excerpt from Naked Montreal

Be a doll and order me a Cosmopolitan, won’t you darling?

You’re a darling, so you do. I wink at Ms. Sugar Tits, who is squeezing them for all to see, pulling down her bra and layering on the whipped cream.

“Who’ll be the lucky boy this evening?” she’s yelling over the bump and grind of Aerosmith or G’N’R or some other stripping cliché.

And the men are on their feet, cheering, clapping, hooting and hollering. Some are waving their hands in a “Pick me!” gesture. Wolf whistlers are blasting in my ear. I’m the only one calmly seated, a half-smirk upon my face. I’ve seen these dogs do these tricks a million times. It’s half comedy and equal parts tragedy, so Shakespearean as they strut and fret on their own little stages, day in and day out.

Ms. Sugar Tits is licking the cream off her own bouncing bosom, to much more hooting, hollering and cheering from the crowd. She is making to-die-for O-faces, and they are sweating and stammering and yelling “Yeah, baby! Lick them titties!” and then she points at one of them, who jumps up on the stage, only to be pushed away by the fabulous Sugar Tits, who shouts “Not you, HER!”

I’m pulled up onstage again. It happens every time – a classy dame in a place like this? It’s a given. I accept my fate. I pretend to blush, hold a hand over my mouth in an expression of false modesty. Sugar Tits leans her heavenly, creamed bust down to me (she is Amazonian in her high glass heels), the cherries on top poking through the layer of foamy spray, and I slide my tongue slowly out to meet them, eyes closed but peeking, heading closer and closer as the men roar in excitement for this faux lesbian fantasy playing out before them and BAM! Contact. I’m swiping through the mountain of whipping cream with my tongue, clearing a path with my hands, sucking down those taut titties as Ms. Sugar Tits moans with fake delight and slips a hand down her panties. We writhe on the stage in this stunning facsimile of sex as the men’s howling sounds more and more like wolves braying at the moon until finally the spotlight drops and we are plunged into darkness.

Show’s over, fellas. Sugar Tits whispers “Thanks, doll!” huskily into my ear and pats me on the rump. “I’m off at three if you want another piece of this.” I can see her wink even in the darkness, and I just smile and wipe my mouth daintily with the back of my hand.

Another day in the life of The Fixer is just beginning.

The Giveaway

And now, the bit you’ve all been waiting for: fabulous prizes!

If I’ve caught your attention and you’d like to win your very own copy of Naked Montreal, you’re in luck. One fantastic reader, chosen at random, will win a digital copy of the book just by commenting on this blog post. All you have to do is tell me where you’d most like to go on a romantic getaway and why.

To enter to win the Grand Prize sponsored by the hop, use the Rafflecopter below.

Good luck!

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Hump Day Reviews: How to review erotica without getting screwed

In an effort to read more erotica, my Hump Day Reviews have typically presented reviews of erotic books, or books with sexual themes in them, that I’ve recently read. But today I wanted to switch gears a bit and focus on the process of writing the reviews themselves, as I think there’s some confusion about what constitutes a good erotica review.

As an erotica writer myself, I’ve found it fairly difficult to find reviewers willing to take on the challenge of reviewing erotic books. The funny thing is that I can totally understand these readers’ hesitation. After all, writing erotica reviews comes off as a lot more deeply personal than reviewing, say, a cookbook or even another genre of fiction. People seem to equate reading and writing erotica directly with an author’s or reader’s sexuality or sexual preferences. And even though I know that reading tentacle porn doesn’t mean I’m attracted to squid, or that I want to be manhandled by someone sexually, I’m not sure that the average reader understands that.

So let me just say…

The first rule of reviewing erotica is that your review does NOT need to reflect your preferences in bed.

Frankly, I don’t really want to know what your preferences are in bed unless we’re sleeping together. Which we’re not, because I’m happily married. But thanks for the offer.

Whatever you thought of the steamy parts of the story may or may not be tangled up in your personal preferences, but I feel that the important thing is to try to remember that this is a review of a fictional book, not a laundry list of your likes and dislikes concerning sex. You’re supposed to be presenting your opinion of the book, and while that obviously includes sex, it’s not actually about you having sex. Even if you did rub one out while reading the book. (Which, by the way, is totally flattering to writers of erotica, so thank you for mentioning it!)

So how does one review a sex scene, anyway?

Personally, I like to read reviews that give a “spice rating,” as these offer readers a more generalized reaction to the sex scenes. Even if the book’s publisher has given it a “heat level,” to indicate the type of sex involved (for instance, Siren uses sensual, steamy, sizzling, scorching and sextreme), readers will have different reactions to the scene based on their own perceptions of how hot they found the characters and their bedroom interactions.

Some reviewers (like the Bangor Public Library) actually employ chili peppers to indicate how hot they found a certain scene, which I find both cute and apt. It’s slightly similar to star ratings, with more peppers being desirable, but doesn’t seem quite as negative if you only hand out one or two peppers. After all, tastes vary, and some prefer their dishes more mild than wild.

Other reviewers like to keep their reviews more focused, using rating scales for everything from character development and originality of the plot to the author’s sense of humor. Mary’s Ménage Reviews also rates an erotic book’s romance (“how they mutually react to each other, romantic, sweet”), equality (“in sex scenes, but also in the relationship”), credibility (“if I can relate to the characters and the story, if the story and characters are believable”) and BDSM levels, noting that sometimes what the publisher has labeled and what she has read differ. Mary also calls out typos and poor editing when it draws her out of the story, and will rate a cover if she finds it inconsistent with the character descriptions or is “plain ugly.” Preach it, sister!

Another thing I like to try to do in reviews generally is to try to focus on both the positive as well as the negatives. Even in books I’ve hated, there is usually something redeeming (with a few notable exceptions), so I like to give some credit for the bits I enjoyed, even if they were few and far between.

In addition, if my overall review is negative, I like to include suggestions for other similar books that a reader might prefer. Lots of people are currently writing lists of “books better than 50 Shades of Grey,” for instance, which I think is a good idea. After all, you may hate the characters in 50 Shades but really want to read more BDSM books. If you write a negative review of 50 Shades, then it makes sense to me to include two of your favorite BDSM books as recommendations at the end, leaving readers with something actionable they can take away from your review — as well as a short reading list to try out.

At the end of the day, I know that reviewing erotica will always be difficult, simply because people all have their own sexual issues and ideals, which bias their reviews from the get-go. And I certainly don’t expect — or want — the average reader to be able to write a totally objective review, either. After all, a review like “I came a lot in this book” is both hilarious and an awesome way of explaining just how much you enjoyed a work of erotica, precisely because you’re supposed to want to come when you read erotica.

But even if you don’t, I don’t think that necessarily means that the work was bad, or poorly done. Pet to the Tentacle Monsters!, for instance, didn’t make me come. But it did make me ponder what I thought about it, and about erotica more generally, and how to review something that is supposed to turn you on, but didn’t necessarily get me off — and, indeed, rather scared me to read in the first place.

For me, reading erotica is about challenging taboos, combating stereotypes and clichés, and really getting out of my comfort zone. Sure, we all love to read erotica that hits our pleasure points, but what about the stuff we find uncomfortable? That’s just as important to me as getting off physically, because ultimately it’s a kind of mental stimulation I think we could all use a bit more of.

Much the same as with sex itself, there’s really no “right” way to review erotica — just do what feels good.

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