Laura Roberts's Blog, page 55

I fucked Sarah Palin

Recently, I was scanning through my Vixen Files opus, trying to figure out how to divide the text up into several smaller, sexy ebooks, when I came across a piece I wrote in 2008 that’s still startlingly relevant today.

The piece, originally entitled “Oh Yes, Yes… YES! We Can!” referred mainly to the fact that the U.S. had just elected its first black President, Barack Obama. But my commentary about Sarah Palin — who was then running with John McCain as a Vice-Presidential hopeful — is actually what struck me as oh-so-prescient. And disturbing, particularly given her absurdist interview of current-day front-runner, Donald Trump, who has stated publicly that he wouldn’t mind having the bimbo in his Cabinet.

Here’s what I wrote, back in November of 2008:

OH YES, YES… YES! WE CAN!

You heard it here first: I fucked Sarah Palin.

A lot of other people fucked her too, given the fact that the entire United States of America has had its way with her. In the end, all votes for Barack Obama screwed Palin and her running mate, John McCain, quite nicely in last week’s threesome, er… presidential election.

Yes, Obama is America’s 44th president-elect, and nothing could be finer. As the first political figure to inspire hope in the hopeless (including this jaded sex columnist), I find our next president sexy as all get-out. And why not? He’s intelligent, sensitive, a good listener, a fine public speaker, a Harvard law graduate and, like any good political leader, he’s thrifty. Though Esquire chose him as one of the 20 best-dressed men in the world, he admitted to Vibe that he’s “got sweaters with holes in ‘em and suits all shiny and worn.”

Even hotter, he genuinely loves his wife, Michelle, and isn’t afraid to admit it. His presidential acceptance speech referred to her as “the love of my life,” as well as “my rock,” and though many presidents have made similar statements (some even as they were getting blowjobs from interns), with Obama it rings true.

There’s change afoot, all right, and I’m a little choked up to see it, after so many years of 1984-ish lies and politics-as-usual from the Bush administration. Obama is truly a breath of fresh air for the land of the free. I wish him the best of luck, as he’s got a tough job to do, namely cleaning up after the Republicans, as well as returning Americans their rights and freedoms curtailed by the evil Patriot Act of 2001.

Still, it’s not all doom and gloom for the new prez. After all, he’s already got a dildo modeled after his visage. The Head O State may not look much like the Big O, but I guess it’s the novelty people are after, more than the artistic realism.

In other political sex toy news, both NYC and Seattle branches of the Babeland sex shop gave away free toys to all those who could prove they voted on Nov. 4. On offer was their very own Silver Bullet, as well as the Maverick penis sleeve, both popular items in-store. I’d love to know how many people took them up on this offer, or took it hand-in-hand with Starbucks’ free cup of coffee or Ben & Jerry’s free ice cream…

In my quest to find juicy news items by Google-searching “sex toys” and “Obama” together, I discovered a Fleshbot post that noted that Senator Obama had voted against a bill that would have made it illegal to open a sex shop within five miles of a school. As the extremely right-wing website National Review Online points out, “anywhere within five miles” of a school or church (the wording referring to a bill regarding the placement of gun shops) pretty much guarantees that there will be no such shops anywhere in the U.S., given the abundance of schools and houses of worship. Clearly, this makes Obama a friend of sex shops, which only increases his appeal in my eyes. Could Obama be our first sex-positive Christian president?

It sends a little frisson of excitement down my spine just thinking about the possibilities: Obama overturns Joycelyn Elders’ firing, proving that masturbation is, in fact, okay. Obama reverses Prop. 8 (among others), thereby allowing gay marriage and giving gay couples the right to adopt. Obama allows birth control, morning-after pills and abortions to be covered by Medicaid. Just think, America too could benefit from the sexual freedoms Canadians currently take for granted!

But seriously, if Obama’s election doesn’t usher in a whole new period of peace, love and prosperity for the United States, there’s going to be hell to pay. He’s a man of change, a man of action, a man (we hope) of his word – but he’s still a man. And while there’s no way I would ever have considered Sarah Palin a competent female leader, there’s still a part of me that wonders why America was ready for a black man to lead the country, but not a white woman (see: Hillary Clinton).

There’s also a part of me that shudders to think that we haven’t seen the last of ol’ Caribou Barbie’s lipstick-on-a-pitbull mug. Some even speculate she’s already plotting her 2012 presidential campaign. I hope to Jeebus they’re pulling my leg, cuz that’s not even funny.

I stand by my final comment of this column; the concept of Sarah Palin in charge of anything makes me want to vomit.

In conclusion: I fucked the Republican Party in 2008, and I plan to do it again in 2016 – especially if they think Donald Trump is the man for the job.

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#HumpDayReviews, pre-3DNC edition: The Unstrung Harp by Edward Gorey

If you’ve never read anything by Edward Gorey, let me be the first to tell you that you’ve been wasting your life most miserably.

Then, allow me to recommend the first Edward Gorey book you ought to read in order to rectify this situation: The Unstrung Harp, Or Mr Earbrass Writes A Novel.

In honor of the fact that I’m about to write yet another 3 Day Novel this weekend, I decided to do what every novelist prepping for such a journey ought to do: read a great book about writing a novel.

Edward Gorey takes the whole process quite seriously – if by seriously you mean ludicrously – and if you’re sure to spend at least an hour pondering this book, asking yourself important questions such as:

What on earth is the Poddington “Te Deum”?
Why does Mr. Earbrass only write novels once every other year?
What other potential novel titles, aside from The Unstrung Harp, has he captured in his little green notebook?
Is there any significance to the fact that he prefers a green notebook to a black one?
Where can I get a bathtub like this?

If you’ve been involved in publishing for long, you’re also sure to get a kick out of Mr. Earbrass’s post-writing outings, including a literary dinner at Le Trottoir Imbécile, where “the talk deals with disappointing sales, inadequate publicity, worse than inadequate royalties, idiotic or criminal reviews, others’ declining talent, and the unspeakable horror of the literary life.”

In short, if you’re feeling bummed out by any part of the writing process, go grab yourself a copy of The Unstrung Harp and you’re sure to feel better. Or maybe be inspired to head to the Continent for a few weeks…

Finally, I’ve also been reading a biography of Shel Silverstein called A Boy Named Shel, which leads me to pose the following question:

Who would win in a battle of the Chicago-born weirdos: Edward Gorey or Shel Silverstein?

Your answers, please!

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Are you ready for Prime Time? Notes on my 2015 3 Day Novel

As my rabid fans may recall, I completed my first full-length novel manuscript back in 2011 as part of the 3 Day Novel Contest. That manuscript ultimately turned into Ninjas of the 512: A Texas-Sized Satire, my first book.

I also wrote a nonfiction guide to writing a novel in 3 days called Confessions of a 3-Day Novelist: How to Write an Entire Book in Just 72 Hours, based on my experience, in order to help other would-be 3 Day Novelists find their writing groove.

So it’s now 2015, and guess what? I’m up for the challenge once more.

The 3 Day Novel Contest takes place from September 5 to 7 this year (it’s always over Labor Day Weekend), and I’m ready!

I’ve got a working title: Prime Time.

I’ve got a plot: A couple joins a reality TV show as part of a social experiment… in murder!

I’ve got an outline in Scrivener.

I’ve got a cover mock-up:

I’ve got a Pinterest board dedicated to characters and assorted inspirations.

And I’ve even set up an Inkshares project, so you can follow along with my progress as I write this story. As of today, you can pre-order a copy of the book – before it’s even written!

Want to learn more about Prime Time? Join me on Twitter @originaloflaura from September 5th to 7th as I toss out random one-liners as I write, share my struggles in meeting my daily word counts, and interact with my fellow 3 Day Novelists in real time.

Are you writing a novel this weekend?

Leave your Twitter name in the comments section so we can keep in touch during the contest, and be sure to tell me what your book’s going to be about!

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#HumpDayReviews: Zer0es by Chuck Wendig

If you’re thinking to yourself, “Zer0es? Wait, Laura doesn’t normally review sci-fi books on Hump Day Review, wtf?!” you’d be correct.

For the TL;DR crowd I’ll skip straight to the end: Go read this fucking book now!

For the rest of you, strap yourselves in and let’s ride.

See, as soon as I found out Chuck Wendig had written a book about hackers, I was like YES, I’M ALL IN!

I used to love reading books about hackers. When I was in high school, I eagerly gobbled up Neal Stephenson’s early books like Snow Crash and The Diamond Age. My favorite was actually Zodiac, more of an eco-thriller than a cyberpunk book, but I loved the high-speed thrills and the psychological challenges the heroes of his books had to overcome. I also enjoyed William Gibson’s take on cyberpunk, which was slightly more cerebral, but definitely still high octane. Neuromancer, Idoru, Pattern Recognition, reading these made me feel like in the future, smart people wouldn’t be considered nerds, but rebels, outlaws and even celebrities.

I never actually read any Philip K. Dick books, but the resonance particularly of Blade Runner was inescapable for me. When The Matrix came out, though I originally protested even attending a free screening to the Keanu Reeves vehicle, I too became hooked by the tale of hackers, crackers, phone phreaks and assorted cyberpunks starring as the good guys in a world gone bad.

Hell, I still love Hackers — not for its topless Angelina Jolie, but for its delightfully ancient technology. Dial-up modems galore! Floppy disks! Pay phones!

So when I was reading Zer0es, it all felt deliciously reminiscent of all of my favorite hacker books and films, while also putting a totally new spin on a classic plot of good vs. evil.

To that end…

***WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!***

While you could certainly argue that Zer0es is set in a world like that of The Matrix (which draws much from ye olde Plato’s Cave), or maybe The Terminator (death by intelligent machines!), it’s also borrowing lots of ideas from our ever-evolving tech culture. Indeed, I would put forth the opinion that the world Wendig has created is much more like our own world, the real and online world of 2015, than many of my favorite futuristic hacker books previously mentioned, and that’s part of what makes this book both so exciting and frightening.

Rather than the cool factor and joy of exploring unknown cyber worlds, as many of the stories of the 1990s and early 2000s were, Wendig’s tale is much more cautionary. What could happen if hackers really did band together to hack the Gibson, as it were? Holy shit: the whole world could come crashing down! And as every bit of our lives is increasing moved online, those 1s and 0s are ever more important — and ever more hackable by those who wish to wreak havoc.

Now, as Wendig’s characters show us, there will always be “white hat” and “black hat” hackers — and there will always be those who are some shade of gray in between, straddling various ethical lines, depending on their whims and the situations at hand. Some have criticized his characters as being caricatures, but I have to say that I liked the way he divided them up, offering everything from the old-school BBS operator collecting information and parts, to the new-school hackers who can code on the fly, kick down any digital backdoor, and swipe the necessary information without leaving a trace. Finally, a use for all those conspiracy theorists and doomsday preppers, as well as the savvy script kiddies!

I also liked that at least two of the central characters were women, one with a Syrian background that instantly labeled her a terrorist and one the kind of troll that you’ll typically find fucking with people’s minds on Facebook. They couldn’t have been more different, and I certainly can’t complain about these ladies taking a backseat to the hacker dudes here, either when dealing with computers or when jumping straight into the real-world action.

But the character I may have identified with the most was actually the one guy that didn’t belong there at all: Chance Dalton. Chosen to be part of an elite squadron of hackers, Chance is way out of his element. The only thing he’s done is hack into some local douchebros’ Facebook and email accounts to out them as the rapists they are. But he’s also taken on the mask of “Faceless,” an Anonymous-like organization that has global roots and reach, in order to make his point. He’s the weakest link, once they’re all chained together, but he’s still got something that the others don’t, and ultimately this ragtag crew has got to learn how to work together, despite their differences.

In a world where hackers can make or break our society, this is actually really important. And in a world where an artificial intelligence can keep on growing stronger the more human minds it sucks into its system — literally reprogramming any that dare to resist — the scarier this book gets. Frankly, I was surprised there was anything remotely happy about the ending; for a while there it looked bleaker than the pit of hell. But I’ll leave you to read that for yourselves.

Ultimately, I think the things I most enjoyed about this book were:

The combination of old and new-school hackers,
The always malleable lines between “good” and “bad” hackers,
The utter creepiness of the villain(s), and
The many ways that both the human mind and body are seen stretched to their limits, and that old concept that the body cannot live without the mind (and vice-versa) taken to startling extremes.

Basically, if you’ve ever thought that maybe the Cypher character from The Matrix was right about ignorance being bliss, and wanting to have his brain reinserted into the Matrix, this book will most certainly convince you otherwise.

I’d also have to agree with reviewer EC Myers, who credits Wendig for not doing a lot of “techsposition,” which is exactly what wrecks a lot of cyberthriller books for me. Instead focusing on the action side of things, it’s also correct to say that Chuck has an ability to make even the rather sedentary act of computer hacking seem truly spine-tingling. When the hackers get hacked, your hackles will be raised.

In conclusion, if you dig hacker books, cyberpunk books, thrillers or spy stories, this one is going to be straight up your alley.

P.S. If you’re going to bitch about the book’s tech being out of date, like the doofus from the NY Daily News whose opening complaint was that this book was “more –fi than sci-,” man, have you ever missed the point. Comparisons to Crichton and Stephen King are also ridiculous at best. Did this guy even read the book?

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Three Divisions: Leo — An excerpt + #giveaway from Celeste Prater

A reverent touch to a set of suede-covered cuffs, and Jillian Dosh unwittingly takes the first step into a world that she never knew existed. Busted while she’s making a stealthy visit to Three Divisions Lifestyle Emporium, Jillian can’t believe she’s face-to-face with her fantasy lover. Much more potent up front and personal, Leo Straton’s commanding presence intrigues and scares her at the same time. Can fantasy become reality?

Recognizing the voluptuous Jillian as the perfect submissive for him, Leo begins a journey to pull her into his world of D/s. She’s innocent, imaginative, strong-willed, and dangerous to his heart. She’s his butterfly—stuck in the chrysalis of the vanilla world and ready to spread her wings. Overcoming her initial hesitancy, Jillian begins to blossom under his tutelage. But an innocent deception may bring this new love to a crashing halt.

Three Divisions, Book 1 ignites the senses, fires up your libido, and makes you crave to be owned by this Dom.

An excerpt from Three Divisions: Leo

Without hesitation, Jillian rose from the floor and did as he asked. She sat for several minutes before finally hearing the rustle of material. His shirt dropped to the carpet, instantly bringing chills to skitter across her skin and her clit to throb in anticipation. She’d never been so turned on in her life, and the man hadn’t even crossed the room yet. Amazing.

Again, several agonizing minutes passed before she spotted his feet. Breath hitching at the sight of him dropping to his knees in front of her, Jillian tried to control her breathing. He settled on his haunches and spoke in a voice that turned her legs to noodles. She gripped her knees.

“Spread your legs wider. Wider. Yes, like that. Back straight, Jillian. Don’t be afraid to show me how beautiful your breasts are.”

Stuttering pants escaped her lips as his fingers barely scraped across the tips of her nipples. Her eyes latched on to his broad, capable hands returning to rest on his thick thighs.

“Your pussy is beautiful. I’m happy to see that you waxed as I asked. You’re glistening for me as well.” The lowering of his sinful voice pulled her in deeper.

“Do you want me?”

She quickly nodded.

“I can’t hear you.”

“Yes. Very much.”

“Move both of your hands down and spread those pretty, wet lips with your fingers. Show me that you do.”

Fire flooded her belly and shot directly to her throbbing clit the second she spread her labia for him. It was so decadent, forbidden, and craved. She thought she might pass out when he gave his next set of commands.

“Move that pretty ass closer to the edge. I don’t want anything obstructing you. That’s good. Perfect. Lightly rub your clit using the middle finger of your right hand. Hold the lips back with the other. Pleasure yourself, Jillian. Yes, like that. Back straight, don’t slump.”

Feeling her face heat, Jillian tried to relax. She’d never masturbated in front of anyone, not even herself. Anytime she’d gotten herself off, the clandestine activities had been hidden under blankets or sheets. All she’d needed was a quick push so she could release a few miles of tension or finish what Brent hadn’t been able to accomplish. This was far more intense than she could ever imagine. She snapped back to what she was doing when he spoke.

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed or shy about, Jillian. You’re stunning. Keep going until your bud extends and hardens. Very good. So beautiful, Jillian. Ah, can you feel it? The fire is increasing. You’re flowering, and the lips are becoming plumper. Very pretty. No, don’t slow down. Harder. Yes. Wet the pad of your finger with your juices. Push your finger in deeper. Saturate it. Excellent. Stretch the lips wider. I want to see everything. Keep going. More. That feels good, doesn’t it? Especially knowing that I’m watching.”

Hissing through clenched teeth, Jillian was barely able to push out a weak, “Yes,” before catching her breath. Mind swimming from hearing his strong voice carrying absolutely no hesitation, and the increasing inferno blasting through her pussy, Jillian arched her back and began rolling her hips, wishing she had something long, thick, and hard ramming inside of her. Close, so close.

“Stop.”

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About the Author

Celeste was born and raised in a small town between Dallas/Fort Worth and Austin. Wanting to see more than her small Texas town, she joined the Marines, which satisfied her craving to see more of the U.S. and her drive to see if she could be one of the few and the proud. A firm believer in educating the mind, Celeste has achieved several advanced degrees, the latest being a master’s of science.

Her true love is writing erotic romance about men who know how to treat their women right. Celeste is also the author of the award winning FUELED BY LUST series. All currently released books in the series have made it into the Top 5 Bestseller Lists at Bookstrand.com within days of release as well as making it into the Top 10 Hottest New Releases in Erotic Science Fiction on Amazon.

Celeste would also like to give a shout out to the scrumptiously delicious Dustin Sherer, the cover model for Book 1 of this new series. You can find him on Facebook at Dustin Sherer: Fitness Model and Athlete.

Connect with Celeste on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, YouTube, Google+, or her website CelestePrater-RomanceAuthor.com.

Giveaway

Celeste Prater will award a randomly drawn commenter via Rafflecopter a $20 Amazon/B&N gift card. To enter, please use the widget below — and don’t forget to follow the rest of the tour stops and comment. The more you comment, the better your chances of winning! All tour stops can be found here.

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Rafflecopter giveaway

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The Convenient Wedding: An interview with Susie Warren

A reluctant socialite is pulled into a scandal and must choose between her families’ reputation and her future happiness.

Lucia Montgomery is from an old and powerful political family in Connecticut and desperately wants to shed her reputation as a superficial socialite. Against her family’s wishes, she seeks a position working for a fiercely contested political campaign and the dark horse in the race, Anderson Adams. She is thrown into the middle of a scandal of her own making when she is tricked into going to his hotel room. Anderson persuades her to play along with a pretend engagement then an actual wedding to save her reputation and his campaign. The media falls in love with the charismatic couple and they must figure out how to reconcile their public image with their private life.

An excerpt from The Convenient Wedding

Even though she had seen many images and video clips of him, Anderson was more impressive in the flesh. His intense presence drew her closer to him, and the rest of the party faded from view. His confidence was not surprising, but his relaxed charm was and it put her at ease.

She nodded. “Lucia Montgomery.”

He met her gaze. “My campaign manager seemed to think you go by Bella.”

Lucia gasped and shook her head. “Bella was a childhood nickname. It’s Lucia these days.”

“Bella suits you.”

“I was hoping I would have an opportunity to speak with you.”

He raised his eyebrows slightly, and she cringed at her forwardness. He didn’t need more adoration. She fiddled with the slim rope belt on her gown and smoothed the fabric down, trying to remember what she wanted to say to him.

His penetrating gaze sent a slow blush over her skin. “Do you have advice for me? It seems everyone in this room has an opinion on how I could win this race.”

Her mind went blank. “I don’t know if winning is possible.”

He looked at her intently. “Would you care to dance?”

Lucia straightened her spine. Why had she said that? Was it because she didn’t want to fall into the category of people wanting something from him? Or had his nearness elicited the truth from her?

He led her to the dance floor and she could feel his hand resting lightly on her lower back. The band was playing a love song and she realized she hadn’t even attempted her pitch for Isabel. She didn’t want to date Anderson Adams. She wanted to spark his curiosity in creating a documentary and tactfully mention her cousin. She had also wanted to appease her grandfather by being seen speaking with the candidate. But she had no intention of seeking a position in his campaign.

He gathered her into his embrace and she could feel her body respond to him. The evening was not going according to plan. She could barely string two words together and now she was dancing with him.

Her body stiffened and he said, “Relax. We can talk about the campaign later.”

She looked up into his eyes. “How did you know I wanted to talk about the campaign?”

He drew her slightly closer as they continued to dance. “There are very few secrets in politics. My campaign manager informed me that your grandfather mentioned that you are seeking a public relations position.”

She shook her head. “No, I’m not interested in working on your campaign, but I have an interesting idea for you.”

“Do you?” His face showed no expression.

She decided to go ahead and pitch her idea. “My cousin is an enormously talented filmmaker and I wondered if you had given any thought to recording your run for congress? Images of you campaigning could be used as a powerful marketing tool if done well.”

He smiled at her. “I agree. Maybe we could get together and discuss it further?”

Lucia nodded and allowed herself to let down her guard slightly and enjoy the dance. Anderson was agile and impressed her with his ability to dance. She stopped worrying about the intimacy of their embrace and let him lead her through a series of intricate moves.

After a second dance and then a third, she was slightly breathless and laughing at her inability to keep up with him. When the song ended, he said to her, “Let’s get a drink.”

She followed him to the bar and he ordered two glasses of Perrier with lime. Lucia cautioned herself not to be too taken with him. He was an expert at luring people in and impressing them. It didn’t hurt that he was a marvelous dancer.

He lifted his glass to her and said, “May that be the first of many dances.”

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An interview with Susie Warren

How long have you been writing romance, and what inspired you to get into this genre?

I’ve been writing romance sporadically and attending writing conferences for ten years or so. I began writing stories in high school but when I went to college at seventeen, I worried that a writing career would be too elusive or risky so I gravitated toward more established career paths. I’ve used my writing ability in other pursuits, technical writing and business administration, and wrote reports, speeches, articles and technical documents until finally I decided to take a leap of faith and begin writing fiction.

I became much more serious two years ago and decided to independently publish in June 2014. I read widely but my favorite genre is romance. I’m drawn to the emotional aspects of why two people fall in love.

What gave you the idea for your latest book?

The Convenient Wedding started with the idea of a candidate needing a wife to seem respectable. He was enormously talented and ambitious but not so interested in the happily ever after. She had the family connections and work background to help him but was somewhat impulsive and had baggage. So how would this couple resolve their differences and trust that their relationship was meant to be?

Who are some of your favorite romance writers or other literary inspirations?

There are so many talented romance writers. I just returned from the RWA National Conference with so many recommendations. I always read the writer who gives a great workshop. I was lucky to get into a chat with Nora Roberts. She is incredibly hard working and I just downloaded her latest novel. I also attended a few indie workshops and was hugely impressed with Bria Quinlan and Rachel Grant so they are next on the list.

Describe your typical writing routine. Where do you usually write? How many words/pages per day? Do you keep set hours? What does your workspace look like?

Working as a CFO in a small independent school takes up most of my day. I write early in the morning or late at night. In the next month or so, I plan to transition to a part-time position so I have more time to write. If I’m “in the zone,” I can write a thousand words an hour.

I live in an 1830s stone house in upstate New York. My home office has an historical feel with refinished plaster walls, built in bookshelves and deep window seats. I much prefer to write in my home office but sometimes, I’ll take a notebook or my laptop and write wherever I happen to be – waiting at the orthodontist, a ballet class or in my car.

Do you have any favorite foods or beverages that help keep your creativity flowing?

I like to start my writing each day with a scalding hot cup of coffee from my French press and almost always wear an old cashmere sweater. Beyond that I don’t take food into my home office because I would mindlessly eat it and not focus on writing.

Do you have any writing superstitions or rituals when starting (or ending) a new book?

I don’t know if it is a superstition but I’ve learned over time not to put a story idea down for too long. I think if I were to lose the thread of a story then it wouldn’t come together. So I try to write each day even if it is only for fifteen minutes.

What do you think makes for a good romance?

I think it is the emotional impact. The reader should be drawn into the story and care about the characters as if they are real people. But it can be tricky because readers have different emotional triggers and interests. For example, the idea of being abandoned may relate or resonate with one reader but not so much for another. As a writer, this is particularly difficult for me. I learned as a child to turn off all emotions so I have to work very hard at discovering or sharing openly emotions. In my office, I have a post it that reminds me to ‘be brave’. I have to remind myself to be emotionally open and share those emotions on the page.

What’s your favorite euphemism for genitalia?

I don’t write erotica but my contemporary romances have sex in them. (My novels are similar to a Harlequin Presents in length and heat level). So I have a tendency to use realistic language and not euphemisms.  I’ve read some erotica where an unusual word took me out of the story. My goal is to have the reader not leave the story or begin to wonder about word choice.

What’s the strangest question you’ve ever been asked by a fan? And what was your response?

I’ve been asked if my husband inspires the sex scenes that I write. I’m never sure how to answer this question. I don’t want to share too much about my life or be too quick to say “no, never.” But in general each character is unique and has unique desires and motivations. It is fiction and therefore it is “made up.”

If you were in charge of adapting a scorching summer romance for the big screen, what book would you like to see made into a movie, and who would you pick to star as the male and female leads?

I would be so crazy, happy if any of my novels were ever made into a movie. If The Convenient Wedding was made until a movie, I would cast Scarlett Johansson, an A-list Hollywood actress, and Robert Pattinson, who rose to fame when he landed a leading role as Edward Cullen in film adaptations of the famous Twilight novels.

The movie version wouldn’t be a typical romantic comedy or romcom. The plot is complex and the actors would need to be deeply introspective and expose their own vulnerabilities while dealing with the media. Part of the challenges that the actors would face is how to portray on screen the internal pressure of choosing to do what is expected of you versus what you may want out of life. The basic premise of The Convenient Wedding is a reluctant socialite, Lucia Montgomery, is pulled into a scandal and must choose between her family’s reputation and her future happiness. She is from an old and powerful political family in Connecticut and desperately wants to shed her reputation as an impulsive and emotional young woman.

Lucia, played by Scarlett, has to contend with the spotlight while distancing herself from stories about being previously rejected at the altar. She is trying to establish herself as a public relations powerhouse but has to fight against her family wanting her to stay in a neatly defined role. Scarlett Johansson is not typically cast in purely romantic roles but she has the ability to portray a complex character and the skill to act out the emotional scenes. She also has the ability to go from a “girl next door” look to an ultra-glamorous appearance.

Robert Pattison has the right look for a young architect turned politician and also has the ability to portray complex emotions on screen. His character, Anderson Adams, is a candidate in a contested congressional race, who meets Lucia at a fundraising event and the two enjoy a spontaneous evening out. He is charismatic and down to earth at the same time.

About the Author

Susie Warren writes contemporary romance. Besides being an avid reader, she spends much of her free time crafting intense and complex stories about falling in love. When she is not writing, Susie works as an administrator in a small, independent school while caring for three teenagers and keeping tabs on her inventor husband. With the launching of her first book, The Forgotten Heiress, she has slowly begun to navigate the social media realm.

Susie loves to hear from readers and responds to each email and Facebook post. Please reach out to her via Facebook or Twitter @susiecwarren.

For more information on her upcoming releases, new excerpts and other related postings, or to sign up for free promotions, please visit SusieWarren.com.

The Rosa Legacy Series

The first novel in The Rosa Legacy series, Ruthless Perfection, started with the idea of a traditional Italian mother who wanted her only daughter happily married. The mother, Carla Rosa Neri, along with her two sisters, Francesca and Marie, had emigrated from Italy as young girls and each went off to create a dynamic and successful family.

Each of the sisters had an only daughter and they made sure the girls spent time together. They attended the same boarding school in the northeast and visited each other’s homes in the summer.

Ruthless Perfection

Carla Rosa married into the Neri family with a long history in the Carrara marble industry. Her daughter, Isabel Neri, being a filmmaker and wanting to honor her grandfather’s legacy, approaches a reclusive billionaire, Marc Santoro, to ask permission to produce a documentary about the life of a quarry worker. Ruthless Perfection is the story of how they fall in love.

The Exiled Jeweler

Francesca Rosa married into the Berceto family with a long history in the jewelry making business. The Second novel in The Rosa Legacy series, The Exiled Jeweler, is about her daughter, Emelia, who went into seclusion after a scandal tore the family apart. Emelia is a talented jewelry designer who lived a sheltered life and was drawn into a passionate encounter with her family’s rival, Alexander Armati at a gala. Outside in the garden, photographs were taken on them and sold to the tabloid press. Her family was shocked and embarrassed and sent Emelia off to Florida. Four years later, she returns when her grandfather has a heart attack and her parents are deciding to sell the family business.

Giveaway

Susie will be awarding $50 Amazon or B&N gift card to a randomly drawn winner via Rafflecopter during the tour. To enter please use the widget below — and don’t forget to follow the rest of the tour and comment. The more you comment, the better your chances of winning! All tour stops can be found here.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Kiss of the Incubus: An excerpt + #giveaway from C.J. Harwin

An incubus who feeds off the sexual desires of others, Roth de Lis has never been denied the pleasure of a woman’s body… until now. Lilah, once a warrior maiden in the service of a goddess, languishes on Earth after being cast out from the slopes of Mount Olympus.

Lilah will do anything to return home to Olympus, including betraying Roth. As she spins her web of lies, Roth begins a slow, wicked seduction that eventually threatens to consume them both. But when Lilah’s deceit comes to light, will their torrid love affair be able to overcome a pact with the darkest of gods?

An excerpt from Kiss of the Incubus

The moonlight made Lilah hum with power, giving her abilities a much-needed boost. She glanced at Roth, still out on the ground. She didn’t want to reveal her bow and arrows to him, lest he guess where she got them. Anything that gave him any insight into her past was a threat to her future. But there was no other way out. Lilah stilled and summoned her bow. It sprang from her grasp, a wisp of silver growing into the curved tips and taut string. It resonated with power in her hands as she pulled a similarly effervescent arrow from her quiver.

The fury’s wings, translucent and covered in a fine black fur, flapped to keep her hovering above the ground. Lilah noticed the fury examining the markings on her neck. She pointed at Lilah and said, “Not you, servant of Artemis. My master wants the incubus.”

“The incubus is mine. If you want him, you’ll have to go through me first.” The glow of the moon and her instinct made her ready, spoiling even, for this fight. It had been far too long.

“So be it,” the fury rasped before splaying her claws and diving for Lilah. Its battle cry pierced the night.

Lilah rolled to the left and let her arrow fly, punching through the creature’s wing and soaring off into the night. The fury let out a shriek that had blood running from Lilah’s ears. But she didn’t care. She was in her element.

Buy Links

Amazon / All Romance Ebooks / LooseId / B&N / Kobo

About the Author

C.J. Harwin is an author of steamy romance novels that spring from myth and imagination. Accompanied by her family and an embarrassing number of pets, she lives in a Southern town watched over by the god of the forge. An attorney by day, she spends her nights crafting tales of ghouls and gods, mortals and minions, and heroines and the heroes who love them.

Connect with C.J. on Twitter, Facebook, or her website, CJHarwin.com.

Giveaway

C.J. Harwin will award a randomly drawn winner via Rafflecopter a $20 Amazon/B&N gift card. To enter, use the widget below — and don’t forget to follow the rest of the tour and comment. The more you comment, the better your chances of winning! All tour stops can be found here.

a

Rafflecopter giveaway

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Blowjobs, One Night in Montreal style

In the spirit of celebrating everything, I’m up to 8,163 words in my One Night in Montreal manuscript.

And I just wrote an awesome scene, in which the female main character gives her husband an amazing blowjob before a crowd of public sauna-goers. Even the most diehard of bears in the crowd gives her a standing ovation afterwards.

That’s how we do it in Montreal, baby!

“Blowjob” image by Flickr user Ryuta Ishimoto

So, how’s your day?

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How to politely request book reviews: a handy template

Having recently received a spate of emails from authors who are clearly clueless about how to politely request a review of their books, I thought I would write up a brief list of etiquette items that authors should follow when making these requests of total strangers.

These items are nonnegotiable:

Address your would-be reviewer by name

Yes, this will require a bit of research on different websites, particularly if you are making a request through a site that assigns various reviewers to different types of books, but this piece of information is quite key to your success.

I recently received a request for a review which opened with the greeting “Dear Button tapper,” suggesting that this person couldn’t even be bothered to look to either:

The header image, or
The right-hand sidebar of my blog

Both of which feature my books, with my name prominently printed on the cover. (BONUS: Every single one of my blog posts says “Written by Laura Roberts” at the top, in case you are still clueless.) Into the garbage with that request!

Make sure this reviewer likes your genre

This should go without saying, but again, you’re going to need to do a bit of research here. Not everyone likes to read epic sci-fi adventures!

Indeed, not all erotica reviewers enjoy the same sub-genres. I, myself, do not care for billionaire romances, so a recent review request suggesting that I review a book in this particular sub-genre went unanswered. Sorry, billionaires, but you bore me.

This person also suggested I had previously reviewed another book similar to hers, naming a title I had clearly never reviewed. If you’re going to personalize your email in this manner, make sure you really know who you’re emailing, and don’t just spam every reviewer on your list with this information. (In other words: actually personalize these emails instead of spamming everyone with the same message.)

Be polite!

This last item is actually the most important. I might overlook an email that addresses me as “Dear Reviewer.” I might even overlook the fact that I don’t typically enjoy sci-fi epics. But if you are fucking rude about it, either by demanding I review your book or by insinuating that you are doing me a favor with your email, your request is going straight to the trash.

So how should an author address a potential reviewer?

An excellent question, my dear author!

Here is a simple, straightforward template I’ve created to do exactly that. Please feel free to cut and paste it into your next review request!

Dear [Reviewer Name],

My name is [Your Name], and I’m the author of [Your Book’s Title], a [Genre] tale of [One-Line Summary Of Book].

I found your contact info on [Amazon, the Book Reviewer Yellow Pages, or wherever else you found their contact info], and thought you might enjoy my book. Are you currently accepting titles for review?

If this sounds like a book that might capture your interest, I can forward you a review copy in the e-reader format of your choice.

Thanks very much for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

[Your Name]

One last thing…

As a final point, do not attach your book to your initial email. Many reviewers will simply trash any emails with attachments, unread, in order to avoid viruses. It also comes off as an assumption that you are expecting this person to review the book, which is quite rude indeed.

Instead, use this template to inquire about whether or not the reviewer is interested, and if they say yes, that would be the proper time to forward them your review copy of the book.

Asking for reviews doesn’t have to be difficult, but it does require a bit of humility and common decency. Sometimes reviewers are just not going to be interested in your book, or they may already be swamped with titles on their To Read shelf. Keep in mind that it’s usually nothing personal if they say no.

If you do try my email template, please feel free to report back on your successes! And if you have any other questions about how to approach book reviewers, let me know in the comments. Good luck!

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6,467 words: Stunt Writing day 20

As per my previous post, I’m dispensing with my original plan and working on my novella each day for my stunt.

Today, I’m happy to report I’ve finished chapter 4 of my One Night in Montreal WIP and written a total of 6,467 words!

The total word count I’m aiming for is 25,000, so I’m almost to the 1/4 mark.

I also added a little progress bar to the side of my blog so I can keep track.

In addition to my novella writing, I also applied for a gig writing travel posts for a new website. I just sent them a sample piece comparing breakfast tacos to breakfast burritos.

Yes, there is a difference. Yes, breakfast tacos are better. Yes, this is probably the only reason I’ve ever missed Austin, Texas. If someone could just import some of their tasty tacos and start serving them for breakfast here in San Diego, I’m sure the trend would catch on. Anyone? Anyone?

Oh well. In the meantime, I guess I’ll just have to make my own. With plenty of cock sauce.

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