Laura Roberts's Blog, page 53
October 28, 2015
From Prussia With Love: An interview with Tina Christopher
Clara Redbeck has one goal: to prove to the sods at work—and to herself—that the best man for the job can be a woman. To do that, she must prevent a traitor from blowing London to bits. If only the dashing first mate of the dirigible she’d been tasked to plunder didn’t set her aflame.
Garrett Dewhurst has one goal: to execute the coup of a lifetime. His plans do not include a spanking dalliance with the most intriguing woman he has ever met.
With each encounter, the fire between them burns hotter and their need grows stronger. Finally, the cramped cabin aboard the Bismarck becomes their intimate playground, where Garrett introduces Clara to the pleasure of submission and they explore their passion in every way possible.
Clara and Garrett want a future together, but each holds a secret that if revealed could cost them everything. When danger closes in, they have to choose between protecting themselves or the whole of London.
An excerpt from From Prussia With Love
Skids of boxes and crates were stacked back-to-back with limited space between them, just enough to walk through. A few lamps scattered through the length of the hold offered dim light that barely showed them the back wall. He picked up a steamtorch. With a click and a whir it came to life in his hand.
“Is it everything you’d expected?”
She moved past him, turning as much as the narrow space permitted. Her gaze roved about the vast hold. “It’s so big.” Her words were a breathy whisper. “It’s huge.” Her eyes sparkled with the mischief he’d come to enjoy during their exchange.
“It is indeed quite large. In fact, the more you… explore, the bigger you’ll find it.”
He bit his tongue to suppress his laughter at the look she threw him, but it became more and more difficult when her lips twitched. “I’m sure you’ll be only too happy to show me.”
Clara Riesenbeck disarmed him like no woman before her.
She ran her hand across a support beam made of a new compound. “It looks soft.” She stroked the slightly yielding surface. “But it’s actually quite hard.” She tossed an arch look over her shoulder at him.
“Yes, it’s vulcanized rubber. It starts out soft and pliant but gets harder under heat and… pressure.”
Her lips curled at the corners despite her obvious efforts to school them into a disapproving frown.
Buy Link
An interview with Tina Christopher
How long have you been writing erotic romance, and what inspired you to get into this genre?
I published my first erotic romance, Tangled Shadows, in 2011. I had two reasons for choosing this genre: first, I love erotic romance. Kick-ass heroines, super-hot guys (in any number you can imagine), emotional and unforgettable stories and a HEA? What more could you want? And secondly, when I began writing Booke, Galen and Nikolai’s story they decided the heat level needed to be scorching. Nothing else would work.
What gave you the idea for your latest book?
From Prussia With Love is the first book in my Victoria’s Secret Agents series (think of it as a steampunk James Bond story). It is linked to Dirigibles Are Forever, which is the Christmas story that first pulled me into this alternative London. At the end of Dirigibles I had a couple of loose ends that just wouldn’t let go. They nagged at me and I went off to ask my favorite question: What if? What if the agent in charge is sidetracked by an intriguing first mate, who may or may not be part of the opposing side? What if she has to make a split second decision after knowing him for only a couple of days? And what if he’s not who she thought him to be? From Prussia With Love was born.
Who are some of your favorite erotic romance writers or other literary inspirations?
How much time and space have we got? Lol! A few of my auto-buys for erotic romance are Lexi Blake, Lora Leigh, Maya Banks, and Sylvia Day. My other literary inspirations include J.D. Robb, Nalini Singh, Tamora Pierce and Lauren Dane. I pretty much read across most genres and also love middle grade and teen fiction. If the cover grabs me and the blurb pulls me in I’ll add the book to my teetering TBR pile.
Describe your typical writing routine. Where do you usually write? How many words/pages per day? Do you keep set hours? What does your workspace look like?
I don’t really have a routine as I can write anywhere, be it the subway, a coffee shop, at my desk or on my sofa. Up until a week ago my workspace was in my second bedroom and included a big window, my desk, a massive nature poster above said desk and my laptop, but I’m in the middle of moving into my very first condo, so right now I have no clue what my new workspace will look like. Or if I’ll even have the room for one!
Do you have any favorite foods or beverages that help keep your creativity flowing?
The one must for me is a cup of tea. Any tea. I need a hot drink to start my brain.
Do you have any writing superstitions or rituals when starting (or ending) a new book?
Hm, intriguing question… not really. Most of the time my ritual at the end of the book involves me faceplanting onto the sofa or the bed and groaning in delight because I’ll now have one or two days where I can actually sleep.
What do you think makes for a good erotic romance?
Emotion and pacing. A great erotic romance will grab you by the throat and keep you glued to the page. Sex is a huge part of the story, is the driving force in the plot and the romantic relationship, but if it’s just insert tab A into slot B, I start to skim across the words. The emotional story of the heroine and the hero, the way the author builds the connection between the two (or however many partners you have in the romance), is essential to keep me engaged. And if the pacing is off and I find my thoughts wandering or a flip across, I’ll put the book down.
What’s your favorite euphemism for genitalia?
I’m pretty straightforward and prefer to call a cock a cock. I mostly use cock and dick. As I write Victorian steampunk I use quim for female genitalia, in combination with pussy and cunt. The choice of word depends on who is speaking and on their emotional state.
What’s the strangest question you’ve ever been asked by a fan? And what was your response?
At Romancing the Capital this year I started chatting with a lovely reader. We talked about anything and everything and somehow ended up on Autism and Asperger Syndrome and the issues she had with finding books that did a good job of portraying this condition. She asked me if I had any recommendations. Luckily I did. The Curious Incident With the Dog in the Nighttime by Mark Haddon and The London Eye Mystery by Siobhan Dowd both have main characters who deal with this condition and are just incredible reads. I was also able to share with her that one of my literary inspirations, Michelle Sagara, has a son with Asperger Syndrome and has written about her experiences on her blog. This was definitely the most unexpected question.
If you were in charge of adapting a scorching summer romance for the big screen, what book would you like to see made into a movie, and who would you pick to star as the male and female leads?
Ohhhh, tough question!
I think I’d have to go for one of my all-time favorite books, Kiss of Snow by Nalini Singh. I love the world she has created filled with shapeshifters, Psy and humans. It would be incredible to see it come to life.
As for casting, I’ve been wracking my brain to find someone who matches my mental image of Hawke Snow, but no one comes close. I have a few actors who would have to be merged together:
Chris Hemsworth – have you seen him with his shirt off? He has an amazing body and Hawke is described as muscular and lethal.
Chris Pine – he has the most amazing eyes and Hawke has pale blue eyes.
Daniel Craig – he has that rough edge I imagine Hawke having.
Sienna Lauren is Hawke’s mate. Same as for Hawke, I have a very particular image in my mind for Sienna and no actress I can think of comes close, so once again it would have to be a mixture:
Christina Hendricks – Sienna has the most amazing red hair and is curvy. Christina comes close, but she lacks the edge I imagine Sienna having and she’s a little bit too old. In my mind Sienna is younger.
Karen Gillian – she comes a little closer, but she’s lacking the curves and once again, Sienna carries this darkness Karen lacks a little bit.
Chloe Grace Moretz – if she puts on a few pounds, dyes her hair red and uses some of the skills she’d learned for Kick Ass, she would be a possibility.
About the Author
Tina Christopher spent her early years flitting across the Channel between Germany and England. After touring the world extensively—from hanging out with elephants in South Africa to hiking through the wilderness in Alaska—she finally laid down roots in Toronto. Although Canada’s winters may be frigid, Tina’s characters are anything but!
Like most writers, Tina often hears voices in her head, but it took the encouragement of an editor friend to have her actually put fingers to keyboard. While those first stories will never see the light of day, she’s subsequently honed her craft and learned to build not just worlds, but entire galaxies. History has always been an area of interest for her, and she’s enjoys few things more than imagining what could happen when history and future meet.
When not imagining far-away worlds and scorching-hot encounters, Tina can be found on her sofa working through her never-ending TBR pile or venturing into the real world—whether to a nearby café or a passport-required destination. She’s a member of the Romance Writers of America Toronto chapter and looks forward to where her characters take her next!
Connect with In on Facebook, Twitter, and her website, TinaChristopherAuthor.com.
Giveaway
Tina Christopher will be awarding a steampunk jewelry set, which contains a necklace and a pair of earrings as well as an eight-book collection of her books to a randomly drawn winner via Rafflecopter during the tour. To enter, please use the widget below. Don’t forget to follow the rest of the tour and comment — the more you comment, the better your chances of winning! A complete list of all tour stops can be found here.
a Rafflecopter giveaway
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October 27, 2015
Photo of the Day: Holy shnikes, is it time for my 15-year college reunion already? Now I feel old…
October 21, 2015
10 goals for the last 10 days of October
“So Late” image by Flickr user John Fielding
There are only 10 days left in the month of October (yikes, how time has flown!), so I sat down and made up a list of the 10 things I’d like to accomplish before this month is officially over.
Here’s what I’ve got:
Get my library card renewed and pick up the books I reserved — this one should be fairly easy, but since I live outside of the downtown core of San Diego, it involves driving and thus needs to be done on a day when I’ve got access to the car (hence it’s actually a goal, not just another thing on the usual To Do list)
Figure out what my new podcast will be about — yep, I’m going to finally take the plunge, as I’ve been inspired by Entrepreneur On Fire host John Lee Dumas’ free podcast course (HINT: it’ll probably be something to do with writing)
Start writing 1,000 words per day (Monday through Friday) to get myself back into the NaNoWriMo writing groove — I’ve been cheating too long, and need to get back to the basics, which leads to…
Finish my One Night in Montreal manuscript — I’ve been busy with other projects and have a few more chapters to go, so I’m aiming to finish these up before the end of the month
And speaking of NaNoWriMo, I also can’t forget to pimp my latest book, A Cheater’s Guide to NaNoWriMo, during its Amazon free days (October 29 and 30th, in case you’re wondering) so it can reach its intended audience: Wrimos everywhere!
My final NaNoWriMo-related goal: tighten up my outline for The Case of the Cunning Linguist, the book I’ll be finishing this November (yes, I’m cheating — sort of — because I’ll be working on a book I started during a previous NaNoWriMo!)
I recently discovered Nonfiction November , and plan to participate this year, so one of my goals is to read at least one nonfiction book a week — a habit I also hope to carry on through the rest of the year
In addition to my nonfiction reading, I also plan to read at least one indie author’s (fiction) book per week — another goal that I want to carry through the rest of the year, and beyond!
To add to my good literary citizen standing, I also plan to attend at least one literary reading a month, so my goal for October is to hit up Elizabeth George’s A Banquet of Consequences event at Warwick’s or Ingrid Croce’s free reading at the Carlsbad City Library (although, let’s be honest, a reading featuring the collection Jewish Noir also sounds like something every mensch should attend)
And finally, my 10th goal for October’s final days is to finally celebrate my fucking birthday because my October 15th (i.e. the day after my birthday) paycheck was delayed, thus ruining my Birthday Weekend, and I still fully intend to get my swerve on, so look out, San Diego!!!!!!!
So, what are YOUR plans for the rest of October?
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October 19, 2015
A Princess is Always Right: An excerpt + #giveaway from Stephanie Burkhart
Sophia may be the youngest Windsor, but she knows her mind. A Princess of York, she’s committed to do her duty – prevent Jonas Byron from finding Nikola Tesla and decimating the time line.
Jax Ruston is a rugged metalsmith with curly hair and dimples to die for. A resident of 1855, he’s pledged to help Sophia find Jonas. Together, they journey across continental Europe in pursuit of Jonas.
Despite her duty, Sophia’s attracted to handsome Jax. However, he’s committed to living in 1855. Can Sophia keep her focus on her mission, or will desire interfere with her task? Only one thing is certain: a princess is always right.
An excerpt from A Princess is Always Right
She wrinkled her brow. What did she want? To go home and train horses and pray the press leave her alone? To support charities? Sure, the task was noble, but not… fulfilling. Would she be dispatched through Great Britain as a goodwill ambassador? Did she want to seek higher schooling like Richard had? Was there a balance to be found between her personal life and her royal obligations? Richard and Alice seemed to find that balance, but Sophia felt almost rudderless in this moment. Did she want to remain a princess or enjoy the anonymity that Edmund possessed?
She ran a hand over her hair. She’d never felt so directionless before. Why was that? Because she wanted Jax in her life? They had discussed visiting each other using the time machine before Augustus’ uncle passed away, but Sophia believed travel wouldn’t be approved just for dating.
“You’re a Windsor. Duty first. Love second. That’s what I did and the nation benefited because of it.” Liz’s voice filled with pride.
“I had no idea it was such a thought provoking question.” He kept his voice light in an effort to put her at ease.
She placed her hands in her lap. “Surprisingly, it is.”
“How so?”
“I have some very serious decisions to make regarding my future.” She drew in a breath. “And the direction I want to take it in.”
He chuckled. “Remember — a princess is always right.”
She sighed, realizing she could only think of one major problem at a time and her future would have to wait. “I have to be right when it comes to Jonas. I have to catch him.”
Buy Links
Amazon / B&N / All Romance Ebooks / Desert Breeze Publishing
About the Author
Stephanie Burkhart is a 911 dispatcher for LAPD. She was born and raised in Manchester, New Hampshire. After serving 11 years in the US Army she currently calls Castaic, California her home. Stephanie was married in Denmark in 1991 and has two young sons. She adores chocolate, is addicted to coffee and enjoys early morning walks. She’s also an assistant den leader for her son’s Cub Scout den and is a Boy Scout mom. She writes paranormal, contemporary, and steampunk romance and has two children’s books published with 4RV Publishing.
Connect with Stephanie on Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, YouTube, Pinterest, and her website, StephanieBurkhart.com.
Giveaway
Stephanie will be awarding a $15 Amazon or B&N gift card to a randomly drawn winner via Rafflecopter during the tour. Please use the widget below to enter. Don’t forget to follow the rest of the tour and comment — the more you comment, the better your chances of winning! All tour stops can be found here.
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October 14, 2015
#HumpDayReviews: Dating the Alphabet by Samantha Napier
Ramona Rawlings is going to make dating fun again. Armed with an alphabet poster, post-it notes and her best friend Emma, Ramona is going to date the alphabet — from A to Z, Archie to Zolon and everything in between.
Throw in the chaos of managing a theatre restaurant with a roster full of strong personalities, unfulfilled dreams and lustful hook ups and Ramona’s world is turned upside-down.
In between Evan the arrogant, Ivan the emotionally stunted and Glen the racist, Ramona discovers what she really wants: to be a good friend, to emotionally connect with a man and to replace her vodka-tonics with kale smoothies. But how many frogs will she have to kiss before she finds her fairytale?
An excerpt from Dating the Alphabet
Mercifully the music was turned up again, and a lovely fresh face sat down opposite me. This new man, with a smattering of freckles and a receding hairline, seemed to be breathing heavily.
‘Are you okay?’ I asked
‘Yeah. I just got here, and the host told me to rush up and grab this spot. Have I missed anything?’ he asked.
‘Nope, nothing at all. My name’s Ramona,’ I said hopefully.
‘Hi, my name’s Adam,’ he said, putting out his hand. I was so excited about an A being right here in front of me that I didn’t notice what he’d done. I just sat there beaming. My excited grin couldn’t have been wider. I actually kept grinning until I realised he must have been thinking I might be slightly simple.
In our five minutes together I found out he was an engineer, still can’t remember which type he said he was, but it didn’t matter, because he was my A. The rest of the allocated five minutes flew by, and not really because it was scintillating conversation, but more because I was so excited that my plan was whirring into action. I went through the motions with the other guys, and curiously no other real ‘A’s came and sat at my table.
I nearly gave myself a neck injury trying to keep an eye on Adam as he went from table to table. I was pretty sure I’d laid enough groundwork, but as soon as the MC announced he end of the evening I made a beeline for him. Of course I made it seem as casual as possible, but honestly, if anyone had tried to get in my way it wouldn’t have been pretty!
‘So?’ I tried to sound cool.
‘Ramona, I’d like to see you again, so I indicated on the feedback form that you’re the only one I’d like the details of, and I look forward to getting that information.’
‘You know I could always just give you my details now and we could get this rolling.’ I winked and gave a little flirtatious smile.
‘I think we should stay with the procedure here tonight. It just seems like the right thing to do,’ Adam said solemnly.
‘Okay,’ I said, confused. I didn’t want to overthink it; I wouldn’t let those little ding-ding alarm bells going off in my head dull my enthusiasm.
We stood there awkwardly, waiting for the MC to bring us the information. To pass the time I took out my phone and saw my home screen filled with messages.
I had left the most competent person in charge at the restaurant, and it seemed they still needed to ring me constantly. I’d been so caught up with tracking Adam that I’d forgotten to follow up on the Tarzan crisis, but I knew it was too late to help now. I would deal with that disaster tomorrow.
I ignored all the work texts and missed calls and went straight to Emma’s number and texted: I found my A.
Buy Link
My Review
As I’ve written several books from an “A to Z” perspective, and love participating in the annual Blogging from A to Z April Challenge, this romantic comedy of a book was right up my alley. Taking her cues from a seemingly random challenge (where did this idea come from?), Ramona starts working her way through the alphabet of love.
Of course, nothing is really that simple. Even from her first run-in with Adam (detailed in the excerpt above), things don’t really go as planned. Is Ramona drawing the weirdos to her through her own strange behavior, or is she a victim of circumstance? Will she ever find love, or will her work at the theater restaurant derail her chances for happiness at every turn?
You’ll have to read it for yourself to find out!
With plenty of zany characters (including Tarzan, who has a significant “wardrobe malfunction”), this book is tons of fun. Highly recommended for anyone who’s ever been too busy to date, too picky to settle, and looking for another adventure.
About the Author
Samantha started her career in entertainment dressed as Snow White in a theatre restaurant. There she met her husband, Gordon, also a writer and together they started their own production which resulted in three lovely, loud boys. She has had short plays produced and is looking forward to the debut of her full length play ‘Signing Off’ and comedy web series ‘Kings of the Kitchen’. Samantha and Gordon also hold their workshop ‘Book, Screen or Stage’ to help writers see the potential their project could have. Her time in the theatre restaurant and the stories her fellow flight attendants have shared with her have inspired Dating the Alphabet.
Connect with Samantha on Facebook, Twitter and her blog.
Giveaway
Samantha will be awarding an eCopy of Dating the Alphabet to 3 randomly drawn winners via Rafflecopter during the tour. To enter, please use the widget below. Don’t forget to follow the rest of the tour and comment. The more you comment, the better your chance of winning! All tour stops can be found here.
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October 12, 2015
Outlining doesn’t have to blow dead bears: From brainstorm to novel
As Chuck Wendig has recently written on his blog, outlining doesn’t have to be an exercise in high school-esque futility. Indeed, it’s a fundamental step towards getting your novel down on paper. And even a reformed pantser like me has embraced the joys – or at least the relative painlessness – of outlining. (I’ve written about my methodology here in case you’re curious.)
So what the hell does a completed outline actually look like?
Today’s your lucky day, pal, ’cause I’ve got your novel outline right here!
This is, in fact, the final outline I used to create my Three Day Novel, Ninjas of the 512. It’s the very same outline I mail people who read my book, Confessions of a 3-Day Novelist, and ask “Can I see your outline?”
You sure can! Just click on this to see the PDF (or download it for later use): NinjasOutline
That’s actually my final outline. The original is quite a mess. To see the differences, I’ve scanned the first page torn from my notebook. Here’s what the first draft looked like:
[Click to embiggen]
Actually, I think that one is probably a second or third draft, because my handwriting is nowhere near as messy as it usually is when I’m brainstorming!Here’s a page from the typewritten brainstorming I did:
![[Click to embiggen]](http://buttontapper.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Brainstorm1.jpg)
[Click to embiggen]
As you can see, there are some allusions to other things I’ve written (a short story entitled “Wakizashi”) as well as things other people have written (Fight Club) as shorthand for the kinds of things I wanted to include in my story. There are character notes, plot points, places where action should take place. It’s all part of the brainstorming process, which slowly gets refined into the outline. Like Chuck, I typically do a brain dump and then try to create a coherent outline over a couple of days, to give my brain some time to catch up, ponder things while I’m unconscious, or just figure out what the hell I’m really trying to say.Finally, here’s a page from the outline as it looked during the Three Day Novel-writing process:
![[Click to embiggen]](http://buttontapper.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/OutlineInUse.jpg)
[Click to embiggen]
As you can see, I’ve marked it up with highlighter (red is done, yellow is the section currently in progress, green still needs to be written – which I realize sounds kind of backwards, but it’s easier to read through the green highlighter than the red one, hence I can still see what I need to write if it’s green and not red) as well as my word counts as I progressed through each section. When new characters started popping up, I wrote in their names to help keep track of who they were (you’ll often find yourself calling characters by the wrong names, or changing them as you think up something better), and where they first appeared.Since this page is from Day 1, I also had to go back and rewrite my outline once I finished for the day, because some of the stuff I wrote jacked up the Day 2 plot points – either moving them up in the timeline, pushing them further back, or eliminating them entirely. Like Chuck said, it’s a map and you’re going to go off road sometimes, but you still want to keep in mind your final destination.
And if you’re in it for extra credit, be sure to check out Lester Dent’s Master Plot Formula. He described it as “a master plot for any 6,000-word pulp story,” but it also worked for my 30,000-ish word novella, so you can obviously stretch it out to fit your needs.
Now it’s your turn…
I showed you mine. Now show me your outline!
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New Buttontapper Press imprint accepting mystery manuscripts
Gearing up for 2016, I’ve recently added a new imprint to the Buttontapper Press lineup. It’s called DAMNED DAMES, and its focus will be on mystery manuscripts.
Why? Because I love mysteries (noir in particular), and I’m looking to push a feminine agenda.
Here are the dirty details…
Buttontapper Press’s new Damned Dames imprint will focus on the mystery genre, with an emphasis on:
Female PI’s and protagonists
Subgenres including noir, cozy, and caper
Both professional and amateur sleuths
Novella-length manuscripts (15,000–30,000 words)
Got something to submit?
Send us the following:
A one-line summary of the story’s plot (i.e. elevator pitch, log line)
One-paragraph author bio
Links to all your social media profiles (Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, GoodReads — if you don’t have one of these, no problem… if you don’t have ANY of these, BIG problem)
First 5,000 words of your manuscript
If we accept your pitch, we will request the completed manuscript within 90 days. If a full manuscript cannot be provided in this time frame, we’ll pass. Full manuscripts provided within 90 days of acceptance will be evaluated for market suitability and editorial direction before an official contract is sent.
We are a royalty-paying market. No advances will be given.
We are looking to start publishing novellas in this imprint beginning in March 2016.
Questions? Use our contact form to ask – or post a question in our comments section.
Submissions are open on a rolling basis, so have at it!
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October 9, 2015
October 8, 2015
March to a Bestseller brings discounts, prizes & ME live — OCT 9
If you haven’t heard about March to a Bestseller yet, allow me to explain.
This cool, free, online event is happening tomorrow, and you won’t want to miss it.
Why?
Because tons of amazing, bestselling indie authors are bringing you the chance to snag copies of their books for just 99¢, that’s why!
Who’s participating? So glad you asked!
You’ll be able to chat LIVE with these guys and gals tomorrow. Here’s the full schedule (all times listed are EST, click here to convert to your time zone):
9 a.m. to 11 a.m.
Simon Whistler
Angela Ackerman
C. Hope Clark
11 a.m. to 1 p.m.
Shelley Hitz
Jessica Bell
Norm Schriever
1 p.m. to 3 p.m.
Nancy Hendrickson
Laura Roberts (that’s ME!)
Marcy Kennedy
3 p.m. to 5 p.m.
K.M. Weiland
Mary Buckham
Derek Murphy
5 p.m. to 7 p.m.
Honoree Corder
Monica Leonelle
Derek Doepker
7 p.m. to 9 p.m.
Chris Fox
Bryan Cohen (the guy behind this event – he’ll be there all day!)
Want to join us? The easiest way to find us all is to go to MarchToABestseller.com. Hop online throughout the day to ask us questions, chat with us live, enter to win fabulous prizes, and grab tons of great books at only 99¢ a piece.
So, will I see you there tomorrow? I sure hope so!
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October 7, 2015
#HumpDayReviews: XXX Shamus by Red Hammond
This week’s Hump Day Review is actually of a book that appears on the surface to be erotic, but is, in true point of fact… NOT EROTIC AT ALL!
Has your mind been blown? Well hang onto your hats, kids, because there’s more where that came from.
First of all, let me say that I put off reading this book for a while, because the author himself (Red Hammond, a pseudonym for crime writer Anthony Neil Smith) informed me that it contained lots of sex, but that none of it was sexy.
How can sex not be sexy you ask? Indeed!
As an erotica writer, I actually totally understand this concept. Whether you’re simply burnt out from writing too many sex scenes in a row, from watching too much porn for “research” purposes, or simply find yourself disgusted at some of the sub-genres listed in the Erotica category on Amazon (“hucows”? really?!), there’s plenty of stuff that can turn a guy or gal off. And eventually, even the most hardened of hardcore enthusiasts will simply find the act of intercourse itself repulsive.
So starting from this premise, that sex is not in fact sexy, but more disturbing, disgusting, or physically repulsive, you’ll find XXX Shamus ready to leap a mile over this line with every coupling.
The book itself is quite transgressive, despite the fact that much of the sex depicted is actually consensual. (There are, however, a number of rape scenes, so trigger warning and spoiler alert for those that need it.) But despite the fact that this is a book where sex is oozing out of every page, it’s not an erotic novel, nor is it meant to get one off.
This book is actually a a private eye story, and a very deep, dark noir in the classic sense.
The protagonist – Hopper Garland, PI – is a man with a problem. A problem many man would probably kill to have. You see, women love him. And not just from afar, but up close and personal, in full color, and with all the sloppy smacking sounds that go with it.
It’s a bizarre conceit, really: a private dick who’s got some kind of magical, mystery dick that all women are addicted to, attracted to, pulled like a magnet to. No matter where he goes or what he’s doing, there’s a horny harlot lying in wait, rubbing her pussy up against him, begging for it.
I’m not exaggerating.
This lends itself to a very Lolita–esque narration, told from Hopper’s point of view, always humping away at anything remotely female. He can barely keep it in his pants, and he never wears underwear.
The unreliable narrator at his finest. A Humbert Humbert, claiming “she came onto me!” as his defense every time.
Like he never wanted it? Like he cared if she didn’t?
Oh, and before we go any further… Hopper’s got another problem. He’s fucking his sister.
Not his step-sister, like they do in the rest of the oh-so-screwed-up “incest” genre, but his actual sister.
Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure this is why Amazon banned the book. They’ll let you publish all manner of filth and exploitation in your novels, but if you show a fictional character fucking his fictional sister, no sir, that’s just plain wrong!
But I digress.
Hopper is, ostensibly, out to track down a missing girl. He’s good at that, probably because of his aforementioned magical, mystery dick. But he’s having some problems along the way. This is, after all, post-Katrina New Orleans, and shit is pretty well fucked. A great setting for a modern-day noir.
To me, one of the most interesting things about this book is that while there are many, many women with many different motives moving in and out of the frame, none of them get to have a voice except for Sister. And although Sister does have a given name (Violet, if you’re wondering – perhaps another nod to the genre, where all the women seem to have violet eyes?), Hopper “silences” her with his refusal to address her by name. Strange, don’t you think, for a guy who’s obsessed with, stuck with, or simply under the thumb of his evil, predatory sister?
So who’s the victim here? The lost girl Hopper’s supposed to find? Sister, luring Hopper into her bed time after time? Hopper himself?
That’s the thing about noir. Everyone’s a victim, and no one is. We all make our choices. We all make our mistakes. And then there’s a gun to solve everything. Or maybe something worse…
As a quote from Victor Gischler on the back of the book puts it:
“There are a lot of people that think they like it tough and raw, a lot of hardboiled wannabes. Okay, you tough readers. You like it so raw? Time to put up or shut up. Stick your face into the pages of XXX SHAMUS. Turn away before the last page and I’ll kick your fucking teeth out. Take it. Take it all.”
I’ve never professed to be a fan of hardboiled fiction, per se. I do like my detectives a bit rough and rugged, but I also like the Philip Marlowes with their snappy comebacks and bad attitudes. There’s something sexy about a private eye, I suppose, always watching, always on the prowl, living outside the law… but then again, who are these guys, really? Creeps and sneaks in cheap fedoras and trenchcoats, always tailing you, spying on you, stealing your private moments, watching your every move. And for what? To prove something that’s already plainly obvious to the person that hired them? To recover some missing property? Are women still “property” these days? Hmm.
What does “hmm” mean? It means “hmm.”
If you’re up for the challenge, grab yourself a copy of XXX Shamus. I give it two thumbs and a bloody dildo up. It ain’t for the faint of heart, though, and it ain’t gonna be bedtime reading. You can only buy it from the publisher direct, at Broken River Books.
And if you want to know the truth, I don’t think you’ve got the guts, Slim.
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