Laura Roberts's Blog, page 23

Kindness, Compassion and A World Without Men

Compassion is something I struggle with. Not because I don’t feel it, but sometimes because I feel it too much and it becomes immobilizing.

What is compassion? And how can we act upon our feelings instead of being stuck in them?

Compassion is defined as “sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.” A great example of something that inspired feelings of compassion in me today is the New York Times article concerning Uma Thurman’s account of her abuse by both Harvey Weinstein and Quentin Tarantino. I can’t help but feel sorry for her, for the terrible things she had to go through, and I share her feelings of frustration and anger with the kind of men who would deliberately put her in harm’s way or personally assault her.

This is the kind of thing women have to deal with every day. I’m a woman. I have felt those exact feelings, walked in her shoes. And so I sympathize with her.

But my feelings can often get in the way of taking action. How does one lead a compassionate life, without feeling this overwhelming wave of pity and sadness that eventually sours to anger?

Here are three good examples of how we can try to put our compassionate feelings into concrete actions:

Show kindness to others, without expecting anything in return.
Think before speaking (and, in the age of social media, before writing!), to be sure your words are coming from a place of love.
Practice active listening, allowing others the chance to speak and be heard.

Regarding the article on Uma Thurman, I still don’t quite know how I can turn my compassionate feelings for what she has suffered into a concrete action. But I do know that I seek to support women who have suffered similar abuse, and that I want to help amplify their voices so that real change can occur. Part of the way I plan to do that is by publishing an issue of my literary magazine, Black Heart, on the theme “A World Without Men.”

If you would like to share your story, please be sure to read my full submission guidelines for the issue here.

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Pondering Passion: How to Be Parisian Wherever You Are

In honor of today’s Buttontapper Challenge prompt, Passion, I bring you a Nonfiction Friday review of How to be Parisian Wherever You Are: Love, Style and Bad Habits by Anne Berest, Audrey Diwan, Caroline de Maigret and Sophie Mas.

I grabbed a copy of this book at my local library, drawn by the title – but let’s be honest, even more by the subtitle. Obviously I’m all about love, style goes without saying for Parisians, and bad habits? Well, if you consider drinking wine and enjoying the company of men to be “bad habits,” then hell yeah, let’s do this.

The book did not disappoint. In fact, I will probably have to order a copy for myself at some point (probably the UK version, which has a much more chic cover than the red, white and blue American version, which is why I’ve included it, above), because it’s one of those books that you just need to flip through whenever you’re feeling a little bummed and need something to boost your confidence again.

Parisian women are nothing if not brimming with self-confidence.

Now, lest you think this book is nothing but a collection of silly, worn-out clichés like Catherine Deneuve’s stance on sexual harassment, I encourage you to ponder anew. Written by “four stunning and accomplished Frenchwomen,” as the inside jacket cheekily describes our authors, this volume is full of insights into real French women’s minds, hearts and souls – not to mention their kitchens, because yes, you will even find a couple of recipes in here.

You’ll also find a few recipes for good dinner party conversation. According to the authors, politics and sex are not considered taboo but instead are excellent fodder for heated debates, i.e. the spark of any great passion.

There are so many notable quotables in this book, it’s hard to pick just a few of the best morsels. Between the “Fifteen Words You Need” (which notes that all Parisians carry a carnet, or notebook, and introduced me to the concept of plouc), “Parisian Snobbisms,” and list of books found on a Parisienne’s bookshelf, there are plenty of witty bits. But here’s a brief one that suits my own hobbyhorse today, entitled “The Art of Make-Believe”:

The secret to making a man know you need him:

Of course you can open a bottle of wine by yourself.

But let him do it. That’s equality, too.

There’s an entire section of this book dedicated to owning your bad habits. It is, as you may have guessed, totally life-affirming.

In short, the Parisienne is a woman of many passions and many contradictions, just like me.

Perhaps just like you, too?

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February Buttontapper Challenge: True Love

Welcome to the Buttontapper Challenge, February edition! This month’s theme is TRUE LOVE, and today’s prompt is What love means to me.

Here’s my response, as I actually aim to play along with my own prompts this month:

“Love is a many-splendored thing! Love lifts us up where we belong! All you need is love!”

I am Ewan McGregor’s character in Moulin Rouge! I am the eternal romantic, hungry for love songs, poems expressing undying love, and ever searching for The One.

“Love is just a game.”

But I am also Satine, the silky courtesan, jaded and through with love. Love is only for those with enough money to pay for it. Love is cruel, particularly to women. Love is often merely lust, with fancy window dressing to make you believe.

How can I believe in all of these things at once? Because I’ve been there. I’ve been giddy in love, and I’ve had my heart broken. We all have our highs and lows with love. Even if we aren’t talking about romantic love (and I have been, so far), love in other forms can be just as difficult: friendships, family bonds, striking the right balance with employers or employees, and even finding time for kindness to strangers.

What, exactly, is LOVE?

Love is everything. Love makes the world go ‘round. Love isn’t quite ALL you need in this lifetime, but it sure makes up for a lot when you’ve got it, and it can feel like the end of the world if you don’t.

Someone once told me “The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s apathy.” That has always stuck in my mind, and I am reminded of it today, thinking about love and of our society that could use a lot more of it. I may just be a hopeless romantic (and, at times, a jaded cynic), but at least I love wholly, with all my heart. There is no room for apathy here. I open my heart wide this month, embracing love in all its forms.

Join me?

Check out the full list of prompts for this month on the Buttontapper Challenge page, and join in on the fun by posting with the hashtag #ButtontapperChallenge on social media.

Want more True Love?

Grab the True Love Bundle from the Buttontapper Store and get five fab love and relationships books for just $5!

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The Buttontapper Challenge: February Prompts

After following Kara Benz’s awesome monthly Boho Berry Challenges for almost a year, I’ve decided to launch my own writing challenge. It’s called, quite simply, the Buttontapper Challenge, and it’s something you can participate in daily or whenever the mood strikes you.

So, what’s this all about?

About the Challenge

The Buttontapper Challenge is a writing challenge with a new theme each month. We’ll follow a set of prompts and write about them each day, sharing snippets on social media using the hashtag #ButtontapperChallenge.

February’s Theme: True Love

As February sneaks up on us, I’ve been thinking a lot about love and relationships. That’s only fitting, since Valentine’s Day is the main event for many people this month, and a holiday I’ve had a love/hate relationships with over the years. As a writer with several books on love and relationships (as well as a few adults-only titles), I’ve been thinking more about how people use the word “love,” and what they really mean when they say “I love you,” whether it’s to a spouse or significant other, a friend, a family member, or a total stranger. I think it’s important to revisit our relationships and see where we can improve our interactions with one another, especially with the people who love – who often see us at our worst AND our best.

I’ve divided the list up into prompts that will help you think about different types of love, relationships, and “love languages,” along with some of the clichés and common beliefs we hold about love. I can’t wait to see your responses to these prompts!

The challenge prompts are completely open to interpretation, but I’ve written up a little explanation for why I chose each one, and what I’ll be writing about that day, to give you some ideas about what to write in case you find yourself stuck.

What Love Means to Me – Is love just a feeling, or is it an action? How do you express (or receive) love? Give us some of your thoughts on this month’s all-important word!
Passion – Many people consider passion to be the most important part of any kind of love. What are you passionate about in your relationships, and is passion the be-all, end-all for you?
Compassion – Compassion for others is a kind of love, too. How do you express compassion in your relationships?
Intimacy – What does intimacy mean to you?
Affection – How do you express your affection for people you care about?
Obsession – Does obsession qualify as love? (So many romcoms seem to think it does!)
Selfish Love – Have you ever loved someone who was selfish? Have you ever been selfish in love?
Selfless Love – Have you ever been selfless in love? If you’re in a relationship, how does your partner share selflessly with you?
Types of Love – The Greeks believed there were 8 different kinds of love: Eros (erotic love), Philia (affectionate love), Storge (familiar love), Ludus (playful love), Mania (obsessive love), Pragma (enduring love), Philautia (self love), and Agape (selfless love). They seem to have either forgotten or skipped over unrequited love! Which types of love are most important to you, and have you ever thought about each of these different kinds of love in your various relationships?
Love Languages – According to Gary Chapman, there are 5 types of “ love languages “: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Which of these types of love languages are you most drawn to, and does your partner use the same love language?
Relationships – How do your relationships reflect your feelings on love?
Family – Today is Family Day, so ponder parental & brotherly/sisterly love! What do you love about your family, and how do you express that love?
Spirituality – Today is Mardi Gras, so let’s think about religious love or spirituality. How do you express love more abstractly, to a higher power or to the human race as a whole?
Romance – It’s Valentine’s Day, the perfect time to think about romance. What does romance mean to you, and how do you express romantic feelings to someone?
Jealousy – One of the dark sides of love is jealousy. How do you handle feelings of jealousy towards others, and have you ever had a relationship dissolve because of jealousy?
Cultural Differences – Today is the Lunar New Year, or Chinese New Year. Have you ever fallen in love with someone from a different cultural background than your own, or even someone from a different country? What kinds of obstacles does this kind of love face?
Dating – The dating landscape is always changing. Think about how people used to “court” one another in one-on-one relationships vs. modern-day dating and its fast pace with multiple partners. What kinds of customs or practices do you consider “dating”? Is it only a date if you declare it as such?
Marriage – Marriage is often considered the ultimate expression of love for a romantic partner. Is marriage important to you? Why or why not?
Patriotism – Today is Presidents’ Day in the USA, so let’s think a bit about patriotism (i.e. love of country) and what that really means. Must one love one’s country, no matter what? Or is constructive criticism a part of loving something, too?
In The Media – Think about some of the representations of love that appear in in film, TV, music, books, and other media. Are these accurate depictions of love? What would you change about these depictions, if you could?
Gender & Sexuality – Gender and sexuality are increasingly seen as fluid, rather than as strict dichotomies like male/female or hetero/homo. Indeed, the prevailing theory is that everyone falls somewhere on a spectrum, in terms of gender and sexual identity, with a dazzling array of word choices to describe each one (if you’re not familiar with these, try googling “gender identity” or “LGBTQIAPK”). What does any of this mean to you, and how do you define your own gender and/or sexuality?
Heart Vs. Head – Often, when we think about romantic love, we say that someone is thinking with their heart instead of their head. Have you ever experienced this “heart vs. head” feeling? What happened, as a result?
Soulmates – Is there really just ONE true love out there for each of us? What do you think of the concept of “soulmates”?
Joy – So much of our thinking about love can be about chasing relationships… but what about the simple joy of being in love? What kinds of things bring you joy in a relationship, romantic or otherwise?
Men vs. Women – Are they really from Mars and Venus, respectively? What are some of the myths you’ve been taught about the differences between men and women? (Friendly reminder: Black Heart’s submission window for our “A World Without Men” issue closes today!)
Friendships – How valuable are friendships to you, and what do you do to express your love for your friends?
Love Thy Neighbor – Neighbors can be a huge source of frustration or joy, depending on your outlook. What kind of relationship do you have with your neighbors, and how could you improve those relationships?
Lessons Learned – Tell us what you learned this month by examining your relationships and thoughts on love. What will you do differently next month?

Grab the Free Printable

Click the button to download a free printable copy of these prompts for personal use:

So, are you ready for a challenge?

Join me on February 1st @ButtontapperOfficial on Instagram or in my Buttontapper Challenge Facebook Group for the first day of February’s challenge – and spread the word!

The post The Buttontapper Challenge: February Prompts appeared first on Buttontapper Press.

Top 5 Biggest Time Wasters – AND How to Stop Them

If you’ve been following along on the Buttontapper Challenge this month, you’ll see that today’s prompt is about Time Wasters. As such, I thought I’d share with you my personal Top 5 Time Wasters… as well as some ideas for how I’ve been trying to break these bad habits.

Time wasters, ahoy!

Mindless Internet Clicking – This is my number one bad habit, and it’s one of the hardest to break. Especially now that there’s no such thing as being “offline,” I find that my best bet for avoiding mindless clicking is to temporarily block or ban myself from the internet altogether. Sometimes I use a tool like Freedom, which allows you to block specific websites that are time wasters (social media, anyone?), and sometimes I will just turn off the computer and write in a notebook with a pen. Either way, the goal is to escape the constant clicking and distracted thinking that goes along with it.
iPhone/iPad Games – Similar to mindless clicking, I will often “reward” myself for completing a task with the chance to play a quick game on my phone or tablet. While some of these games are fun and easy to walk away from (a version of Solitaire called “Spite and Malice” is one of my favorites), others are far more addictive. I’ve had to delete a lot of games from my devices because they were nagging me constantly to check in and keep playing (Hay Day, for instance). One game I will probably never delete from my phone, however, is Pokemon Go because I can justify it as part of my exercise routine. Yes, walking around town to collect imaginary items at designated Pokestops IS exercise!
Social Media – A big part of my mindless clicking habit is checking in on social media. Although I am making it a priority to schedule my social media posts in advance this year, I still drop in to different sites to join in on the current conversation, and Facebook is notorious for wasting my time with its drama and online arguments. I’m getting to the point where I am going to start scheduling specific times of the day for social media check-ins, and set timers on my phone so I can’t get so caught up in all of this nonsense.
TV and Movies – Although I enjoy relaxing and unwinding at the end of my day by snuggling up with my husband for a few episodes of our favorite shows (Futurama reruns are always a good place to start), the tendency to binge-watch hours and hours of TV and movies is not helping my productivity nor my sanity. In my single life, I actually hated watching TV, and would do everything in my power to avoid it – including giving away the TV I had in my apartment. In my married life, however, the TV is prominent in our bedroom, and unfortunately I don’t think this will ever change. So my current plan is to watch an episode or two with my husband, and then head out to the living room to read a book on my own. I don’t really need to see the same shows for the 9 millionth time, and if I feel like reading a book is a much more relaxing way to end my day than falling asleep in front of the TV. Again.
Reading Books I Don’t Enjoy – I actually had to laugh when I saw this Lifehack article that lists the author’s top 20 Time Wasters, where she mentioned “reading junky books.” My first reaction was “Reading isn’t a time waster!” But, when I really thought about it, I realized that I do often prefer to dive into a book than do certain items on my To Do List (cleaning the litterboxes? yeah… I’ll get to that after I read just ONE MORE CHAPTER!). Although I would consider this one a much more mild offender, reading books I don’t actually enjoy is quite a waste of my time, too, so this year I’ve resolved to remove books from my Kindle or my To Read pile if they haven’t captured my interest by the halfway point. I’ve also started a Goodreads shelf for books I abandon, just in case I ever feel the motivation to pick them back up again.

Disconnect to Recharge and Regroup

As you’ve probably observed, my most nefarious time wasters are all technology related. Surprise! As a result, another good strategy for combating most of these bad habits is to unplug.

Recently I’ve been participating in an energy saving challenge through OhmConnect that will give me set times and dates when I am supposed to decrease my energy usage for an hour. This has gotten me into an irregular habit of shutting down my computer completely, in order to save those kilowatt hours. The challenge also asks you to check in with what you’re planning to do during your hour, and offers suggestions like going for a walk, eating dinner by candlelight, or reading a book. You can always choose to participate or opt out of the hour in advance, so it’s an interesting way to see whether or not you can bring your energy usage down below your forecasted amount. (It’s also a good way to save money on your energy bill AND earn extra cash for participating! Click here to sign up – and yes, that’s an affiliate link.)

Your Turn

So, those are some of my personal time wasting demons. What kinds of things keep YOU distracted from doing what you need – or want – to do? And how can you tackle these temptation to procrastinate?

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Lisa Jacobs’ “New Year for a New You” Review: Days 6 & 7

As 2018 kicks off, I’m in full “Year in Review” mode. So it’s perfect timing for me to participate in Days 6 & 7 of Lisa Jacobs’ New Year for a New You annual review!

Here are my responses to both Day 6 and 7’s prompts (and, if you’re curious, you can also read my responses to the Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, and Day 5 prompts):

Day 6’s task was to create a Project Map.

Here’s mine…

Day 7’s task was to Create Goals in All 5 Pillars (relational, spiritual, mental, physical, and financial).

Which I did with my “18 Goals for 2018” post!

Note that I never publish my spiritual or my financial goals online, so those do not appear in my list. Instead, I have a list of Educational, Career, Health & Fitness, and Personal goal categories.

What about you?

What are YOUR goals for 2018, and how will you arrange your Project Maps to accomplish them?

Be sure to check out Lisa’s posts for more info on the New Year for a New You annual review, and share some of your “aha moments” in the comments below!

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18 Goals for 2018

Instead of a Top 10 List for today’s “Top 10 Tuesday” post, I’ve got 8 additional items on my list. That’s right: it’s time for my “18 in 2018” goals!

Let’s jump right in, shall we?

Here are my 18 goals for 2018:

EDUCATIONAL

Read 1 nonfiction book per month
Read 1 children’s book per week
Finish my SCBWI class with a manuscript I can start pitching

CAREER

Publish 3 issues of Black Heart
Create 12 “Buttontapper Challenge” ideas and post daily on social media
Create a class around my existing ebooks
Travel to Chicago to add material to Chicago from A to Z
Land an agent
Secure a book deal

HEALTH/FITNESS

Walk 10,000 steps and work up to 5 miles every day
Cut out alcohol to improve my health
Do another 5K Walk/Write weekend
Run a 5K with Jenna

PERSONAL

Move into a new home that better suits my family’s needs
Take a train trip to LA
Book and enjoy a 10th anniversary getaway with my husband
Practice the Miracle Morning routine every day
Track the things I want to change each month

What about you?

What are YOUR 18 goals for 2018?

Need some help with goal-setting?

Try reading my posts How to Set Goals and How to Crush Your Goals!

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New Year, New You: Introductions (Buttontapper Challenge, Day 1)

Hello, and welcome to the Buttontapper Challenge!

I’m your host, Laura Roberts, author of three YA career guides (Careers If You Like Music, Careers in Digital Media, and Careers in Gaming) and 15 adult books on subjects ranging from relationships to travel to ninja to creative writing, all of which can be found in my store. I’ve been writing professionally for over a decade, and have a degree in Creative Writing and English Literature from Concordia University in Montreal, as well as another in Philosophy from Fordham University in New York. I’m a hybrid author, with both traditionally published and independently produced titles to my name. I’m also the Editor-in-Chief of my own literary magazine, Black Heart, and run an online writers’ group called SWOOSH! just for fun.

But enough about me, let’s talk about this challenge and how it can benefit YOU!

The purpose of this challenge is to get you writing on a daily basis, as well as sharing the results on social media to connect with others seeking personal growth in 2018.

The subject of all of my prompts this month is “New Year, New You!”, which is perfect for thinking about the year past and the one ahead. We’ll cover goals, dreams, successes and setbacks, as well as strategies to keep on growing, changing and improving our lives.

Jump in with your own responses – there are no “right” or “wrong” ways to participate – and let’s share our successes and strengths.

I look forward to reading all of your posts. Be sure to tag them with #ButtontapperChallenge or tag me @LauraRobertsBooks on Instagram, and I’ll repost some of my daily favorites on my own timeline.

Thanks for taking this journey with me, and I look forward to getting to know more about all of you this month!

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Lisa Jacobs’ “New Year for a New You” Review: Day 5

As 2017 winds down, I’m in full “Year in Review” mode. So it’s perfect timing for me to participate in Day 5 of Lisa Jacobs’ New Year for a New You annual review!

Here are my responses to today’s prompts (and, if you’re curious, you can also read my responses to the Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, and Day 4 prompts):

What are your main priorities in life (i.e., family, profession, marriage, personal well-being, etc.)? List them in order of importance.

Family
Writing
Fitness/Health
Financial Freedom

Use the graph above to chart how you invest your time during a typical 24-hour period.

Does your time chart (where you’re spending your hours) reflect the priorities you listed in question 1, and in the correct order?

Yes, sort of. I spend a lot of time working in order to provide for my family’s financial freedom, so #1 and #4 are pretty bound up together in some respects. Even though “financial freedom” is listed last, it’s actually a part of my other commitments and priorities, if that makes sense.

How might you rearrange your schedule for better results?

The number one thing I can do is to stick to a schedule. The graph I’ve drawn is my “ideal” day, rather than my “usual” day, most of the time, and I’d like to improve on sticking to my own ideals, rather than dropping everything in order to satisfy others in 2018.

What about you?

How do you spend YOUR time, and how will you rearrange your schedule in 2018?

Be sure to check out Lisa’s post for more info on the New Year for a New You annual review, and share some of your “aha moments” in the comments below!

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Lisa Jacobs’ “New Year for a New You” Review: Day 4

As 2017 winds down, I’m in full “Year in Review” mode. So it’s perfect timing for me to participate in Day 4 of Lisa Jacobs’ New Year for a New You annual review!

Here are my responses to today’s prompts (and, if you’re curious, you can also read my responses to the Day 1, Day 2 and Day 3 prompts):

What would you do in 2018 if you knew you could not fail?

Pack up my husband, cats and our most essential belongings and move to Chicago, where we would ultimately buy a house and stop moving hither and yon and set down roots. That might sound like a modest goal, but it’s actually the foundation for a lot of things that are missing from my life right now.

What are some things you could be doing that you’ve been too afraid to try? How can you stretch your comfort zone?

I’m definitely afraid to try video blogging. This is something I’d like to try in 2018, but I’m still thinking about what kinds of content I could offer.

What have you been struggling with for entirely too long?

Financial instability.

What could you outsource, delegate, automate, and/or stop doing in 2018?

Blogging, social media updates.

In what ways and which areas will you “upgrade” your life?

My career/financial life definitely needs an upgrade.

What about you?

What would YOU do in 2018 if you knew you could not fail?

Be sure to check out Lisa’s post for more info on the New Year for a New You annual review, and share some of your highlights in the comments below!

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