Golda Poretsky's Blog, page 10

How To Talk To Friends And Loved Ones About Health And Weight

Perhaps you found this post because you have a loved one who has gained some weight and you’re worried about their health.

Or perhaps you’re here because you’ve gained some weight and/or are just plain old fat* and you’re tired of loved ones telling you to lose weight for your health.

Either way, great! I’m glad you’re both here. I want to support you both in working through this topic, so that you can best support your loved ones.

What Does Health Really Look Like?

In our society, health is depicted in very particular ways. In advertising and in the media in general, healthy people are often depicted as thin and relatively young or youthful looking.

Thinness gets associated with not just health, but attractiveness, being energetic, and, even more frighteningly, intelligence, morality, cleanliness, prosperity, etc.

People tend to stereotype thin people as these things, and fat people as the opposite, even if in they’re real, daily lives, they know that these are stereotypes. For example, you may have a fat friend who you know to be very intelligent and a healthy eater, while at the same time you hold general stereotypes about fat people.

These stereotypes do a disservice to everyone. Fatness is seen as so bad and dangerous in our culture, that, as a fat person, I might go to the doctor and be prescribed weight loss for a sinus infection.

At the same time, a thin person might have Type II diabetes and never be checked for it if a doctor reads their thinness as healthy. And that’s just one, sad example, since these stereotypes about weight affect our society in many ways.

Part of the reason that the fat equals unhealthy stereotype is so pervasive is that it’s funded by the diet, pharmaceutical, and bariatric industries, despite ever growing evidence that body diversity is a normal aspect of humanity, that diets fail 95% of the time, that there’s no way to permanently make fat people thin, and that weight loss does not improve health in the long run.

So it’s no wonder that you (person who is worried about a loved one) are invested in the idea that fat is bad. More so, it makes sense that you would want your loved one to be spared the pain of being fat in our society.

And it’s no wonder that you (person who has gained weight or is fat) may have some mixed feelings about the “help” that people want to give you concerning your weight. You may disagree with them completely, feel anger, or sadness, or you may agree with them to some extent too, but need to set some boundaries.

What To Do If You’re Worried About Someone Else’s Weight

Given what you now know about health and weight, take a moment to think about this person, and ask yourself a few questions.

Question #1: If they weren’t fat, would I still be worried?

This is the number 1 most important question to ask. If you can picture this person thin or at their former weight and suddenly have no cause for concern, leave it alone.

It’s just those cultural assumptions about weight at play.

Let it go. And even better, you can be an ally for this person by not talking about their weight, suggesting weight loss, etc.

Click to tweet: Ask, ‘if they weren’t fat, would I still be worried?’ before talking to ppl abt their weight.

Question #2: Are there certain behaviors or symptoms that I’ve noticed?

Good question, right? Here, we’re moving from an appearance-based assessment to a more health-focused one. You may have noticed symptoms of illness or potentially problematic behaviors that alerted you to a possible health concern. These could really be anything, from signs of depression, to seemingly strange rituals around food, really anything that seems different and worrisome.

In that case, you want to check in again with Question 1, that is, if you noticed these symptoms/behaviors and this person were at their former weight or thin, would I still have cause for concern?

If so, move on to Question 3 below.

Question #3: How can I really support this person that I care about?

The answer to this question may vary a lot. If you’ve noticed that there are behaviors or symptoms that you’re concerned about, and you’ve double-checked with yourself that you would still be concerned if this person were thin, you may say something like, “I care about you very much, and I’ve noticed [these behaviors/symptoms]. Is there anything that I can do to help?”

If they say yes, then by all means, help in the ways they ask. Be an advocate for them at the doctor’s office (or just hold their hand). Listen to what they need.

If they say no, it’s important to respect their request. You don’t have to do anything more than love them (which is so important and valuable in of itself).

If they decide to ask for help later on, you can provide it then.

What To Do If Others Are Worried About Your Weight

First, I just want you to know that you’re not alone.

As we’ve already discussed, when you’re gaining weight and/or fat, many people feel that saying something to you about it is necessary and for your own good. They’re completely and totally wrong about that, but that’s the reality. So, I just want you to know that if people have been telling you they’re worried about your weight, you’re not alone, and whatever feelings come up for you when it happens are valid.

I also want to say that you don’t owe anyone a thinner body, or even health. Your health status and your weight are no one’s business but your own.

So rather than feel like you have to justify your weight or your weight gain, I recommend setting a boundary with the person (or people) who comment on your weight, your health, or, as often happens, your food choices and intake.

Click to tweet: Your health status and your weight are no one’s business but your own.

This is my three-step formula for powerfully asserting boundaries:

1. Acknowledge The Other Person, Their Feelings & Positive Motives PLUS
2. Make Your Request Clearly PLUS
3. Do So From A Place Of Asserting Your Needs, Rather Than Resentment

It may sound like a lot, but each part is important.

Sometimes I call this setting a loving boundary, because you’re lovingly explaining to the other person why you need this boundary, and respecting your needs in the process.

Here’s how it might work in practice. Let’s say you have an aunt (let’s call her Janine) who comments on your weight and says she’s worried about your health every time you see her. The next time you see her, you might say something like this:

“Aunt Janine, I love you and I know you’re concerned about me, but I don’t feel comfortable when you comment on my weight, so please don’t do that again.”

Notice that I remind Aunt Janine that I love her, and I’m assuming that she has good intentions, AND I’m also quite clear on what I need from her.

Setting boundaries takes practice and time. Note that you may need to repeat your needed boundary again and again with the same people. But it’s still worthwhile to try to set it. Even if the other person doesn’t get it, by setting the boundary, you are sending a signal to yourself that your needs are important. This practice of asserting your needs is powerful.

What has been your experience in talking about weight and health with loved ones? Leave a comment and let me know!

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, go to www.bodylovewellness.com.

*I use the word fat because it’s actually the most neutral descriptor. “Overweight” seems to indicate that there is a certain weight that is okay, and you’re over it. “Obese” is too clinical. Fat is just fat.

(Listen to this post here, or subscribe on itunes.)

How To Talk To Friends And Loved Ones About Health And Weight originally appeared on Body Love Wellness (http://www.bodylovewellness.com) on February 18, 2013.

In Case You Missed It: My Top Six Takeaways From the Body Positive Dating Master Class

This weekend, 6 amazing speakers joined me for the Body Positive Dating Master Class.

We talked about everything from how to find partners who understand body acceptance, to how to improve your sex life, to how to “feel cute” more of the time.

So much great stuff came out of this event that I just had to share some highlights from these calls. Of course, this is not a comprehensive list. It’s just the tip of the iceberg of pure awesomeness that was the Body Positive Dating Master Class. And by the way, you can still get all of the recordings of these talks here.:)

My Top Six Takeaways From The Body Positive Dating Master Class


Your Vagina Is Not A Delicate Flower

“An essential part of getting the sex life I wanted to have was relinquishing the mythology that I’d been taught about my vagina. . . . Release all pussy myths. They are not there to make you or anyone else happy. There are a thousand things that women are taught about our pussies — that our vaginas are delicate flowers, that we need to protect our reputation, we can’t give ‘the milk’ away for free . . . . These mythologies . . . are in place to uphold sexist ideas about what vagina means. . . . Your vagina is not a delicate flower . . . and it exists for your happiness and your pleasure.”

– Virgie Tovar, 10 Things About Sex You Always Wanted to Know But Were Afraid to Ask

Don’t Put “Contingencies” On Your Dating Life

“You need to allow yourself to date and to not put contingencies on it. [Don't] say, ‘when I am this certain weight or I look this certain way or I have a particular job or I live in a certain place, then I’m going to be ready to date, ready to be in love and get all of the good things in life.’ That’s not how it works. Life is not that neatly bundled up, and you’re wasting a lot of time in your life. There are so many awesome things out there and great people to meet that to be holding all of that great stuff back is a waste of time and a waste of energy.”

– Cija Black, Restart Your Love Life with a Heart Makeover

Figuring Out What You Want And Don’t Want In Your Sex Life Is Key

“A lot of fat women get told from early on that they’re doing you a favor if someone wants to have sex with you. No. They’re doing themselves a favor, and I can’t emphasize that enough. They’re the ones who are getting off. And they’re not necessarily caring if you’re getting off. The person who’s got to care about you getting off … is you. So … figuring out what you want and using the power of your brain and thinking through your likes and your dislikes, your desires, things you don’t want, is really important. It’s really useful, it’s really helpful and it can help you to create the sex life that you really, really want.”

– Hanne Blank, The Biggest Sex Organ Is The Brain: Opening Your Mind To Better Sexual Options

When It Comes To Having A Better Sex & Dating Life, One Cliche Is Really True

“It’s such a cliche. All the stuff I have to say to you you’ve heard a million times . . . [but] the cliche seems to be true. If you want to do it, you can do it, but you have to work at it, and if you’re positive about it in the sense that you keep pushing you can get there. And your perspective, your attitude, your self concept is everything. It’s all about what you think about yourself.”

– Rebecca Jane Weinstein, The Naked Truth About Fat Sex: The Top Five Things I Learned About Attraction And Body Size

Use Sound To Turn Yourself On

“Sound is one of the things that can really inhibit our sexual pleasure or can really free it. I think most of us are pretty inhibited about sound when it comes to sex. . . The thing about making sound is that it’s another one of these wonderful, multipurpose tools. Sound, literally, turns more of your brain on. . . . When you make sounds you actually amplify the perception, you turn more of your brain on, you tell your brain, ‘Pay attention! Something good is happening here!’ So sound, can really amp up what you’re noticing and how much pleasure you’re getting.”

– Sheri Winston, Abundant Woman, Abundantly Sexy

If Fat Acceptance Is Important To You, Talk About It Early On

“I actually put in my profile, ‘I’m a fat chick. I write about sex’ or ‘I write about dating.’ And when you’re screening your potential dates, I would talk about my interests and one of those interests is fat acceptance. . . Most people don’t understand the whole fat acceptance thing, so getting it out of the way in the beginning is important. . . . Because you don’t want to get into something and then realize that they think fat acceptance is a joke or that kind of thing. So I like to get it out of the way, relatively soon, in the beginning.”

– Tasha Fierce, Beyond ‘No Fat Chicks’: Getting Over Stereotypes about Fat and Sex

By the way, if you’re reading this now and wish you could have been there, it’s not too late!

Click Here To Get All Of The Recordings!

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here.

(Listen to this post here, or subscribe on itunes.)

In Case You Missed It: My Top Six Takeaways From the Body Positive Dating Master Class originally appeared on Body Love Wellness (http://www.bodylovewellness.com) on February 11, 2013.

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Protected: In Case You Missed It: My Top Six Takeaways From the Body Positive Dating Master Class originally appeared on Body Love Wellness (http://www.bodylovewellness.com) on February 10, 2013.

Why You Need Be At The Body Positive Dating Master Class (It’s This Saturday!)

Lots of you will be joining me tomorrow for the truly awesome Body Positive Dating Master Class, but if you’re still on the fence, I’d like to share with you 7 reasons why you seriously need to be there!

7 Reasons To Join Us At The Body Positive Dating Master Class


Your Favorite Authors and Bloggers Will Be There — Where else do you get to hear Virgie Tovar, Hanne Blank, Sheri Winston, and 4 other truly wonderful speakers all in one place?
Topics That Matter To You — Want support with getting over a bad breakup? We’ve got you covered. Do you have questions about your sex life that you feel a little embarrassed about? We’re talking about it. Feel like the “no fat chicks” stereotype is getting in the way of putting yourself out there? It’s on the agenda. We’ve got so many great topics that more than a few will likely apply to you.
You Don’t Need To Be There Live — I know that for many of you, listening live to an entire conference online isn’t possible. That’s why downloadable recordings of every single call are included with your ticket. Even if you can’t make it live to any of the calls, purchasing a ticket will ensure that you don’t have to miss out.
Feel Sexier In Just One Day — Trust me, after talking sex and dating with our experts, you will feel sexier and more attractive. It’s inevitable. Just go with it.
Get Your Questions Answered — Most of our speakers are including a question and answer session in their talks. This is your chance to ask them your questions!
A Sense Of Community — Sometimes it feels like your dating woes are yours alone. This class will remind you that you are not alone, and that you have a community cheering you on in your quest to have a great dating life.
I’m Your Host! — If you like my style (and my moves) you’ll like joining me for the Body Positive Dating Master Class. Plus, I’m one of the speakers!


Click Here To Get All The Info + Buy Your Ticket!

Why You Need Be At The Body Positive Dating Master Class (It’s This Saturday!) originally appeared on Body Love Wellness (http://www.bodylovewellness.com) on February 8, 2013.

Meet The Speakers: Rebecca Jane Weinstein

rebecca Rebecca Jane Weinstein is the author of the book Fat Sex: The Naked Truth. Her talk, The Naked Truth About Fat Sex: The Top Five Things I Learned About Attraction And Body Size, is part of the Body Positive Dating Master Class happening this Saturday. For tickets and more info, click here.

Body Love Wellness: Why did you decide to write your book, Fat Sex?

Rebecca Jane Weinstein: I wrote the book because while running PeopleOfSize.com I was frequently being told very interesting and personal stories about fat and relationships, romance, and sex. It’s a topic that comes up a lot and is often fraught with conflict and pain. As much as I would like to say I was always hearing fabulous stories about great romance, it was mostly frustration and self-doubt. But not always. There were always some people who just had it going on. They had the self-esteem and great relationships to prove it. It was obviously something people cared deeply about and there was a great deal to discuss.

The book was actually my mother’s idea. She pointed out all this information that was being posted and said I needed to write a book. My mother and my fatness has a lot of history, so not only did I want to tell the stories, but I thought it was important that my mother supported the idea, as family plays a big part in what happens in our romantic relationships.

Although I didn’t know it at the time, it would turn out that writing the book was very good for me too. I learned so much, and un-learned so much.

BLW: What do you think is the biggest myth about fat and sex?



RJW: The biggest myth is that fat people, fat women in particular, are universally unattractive. Whatever society says, and what people say publically, it turns out that fat people are indeed sexually attractive to a whole lot of other people, and not just those with a specific preference. There is stigma attached to being romantically attached to a fat person. That is the real problem, not whether there is attraction. No everyone like everyone else, but there are more than enough people to go around.

BLW: If you could go back in time (let’s say, to high school) and tell your teenage self something about sex and dating, what would you say?

RJW: This is a difficult question because I think I would have to address every single thing anyone said to me, or I said to myself, about my body since I was a small child. My perception was totally distorted because fat had always been such a big issue in my life. I hadn’t the slightest idea what I actually looked like or how people perceived me. I’d like to go back to my childhood and tell myself that people will like me, love me, and be attracted to me. That even if I was different than many people, I was still lovable and worthy of love. Knowing that would have changed everything about sex and dating. My life would have been completely different. Perhaps “everything happens for a reason,” or at least we learn from our own experiences and that makes us who we are, so being a completely different person wouldn’t be so great after all. But I think romance would have been very different for me if I had been taught to think positively about myself instead of being taught that no one would ever like my body – which turns out to be completely false – and frankly, stupid.

You can catch Rebecca’s talk, The Naked Truth About Fat Sex: The Top Five Things I Learned About Attraction And Body Size, with an all-access ticket to the Body Positive Master Class. Get yours here!

Meet The Speakers: Rebecca Jane Weinstein originally appeared on Body Love Wellness (http://www.bodylovewellness.com) on February 7, 2013.

Meet The Speakers: Virgie Tovar

virgie Virgie is the editor of Hot & Heavy: Fierce Fat Girls on Life, Love and Fashion. Her talk, 10 Things About Sex You Always Wanted to Know But Were Afraid to Ask, is part of the Body Positive Dating Master Class happening this Saturday. For tickets and more info, click here.

Body Love Wellness: As a sex educator, what’s the top question that people ask you?

Virgie Tovar: The top questions is always some variation on the question: Am I normal? Men often want to know if their penis is an “ok” size or if their fantasies make them weird or creepy. I get questions about whether it’s ok if you don’t orgasm during sex or if it’s ok to have sex with someone you don’t know that well. I’ve heard many sex educators refer to these kinds of questions as “permission-seeking.” We live in a sexphobic culture that has chosen to shroud people in sexual negativity and ignorance. People are looking for someone to say: “yes, your penis is fine, the way you orgasm is great, your sexual decision-making doesn’t make you a horrible person and it’s not going to ruin your life.

BLW: Your bio for our event mention that you’re an “absurdly successful deal closer.” Do you think this is a teachable skill or are some people just born with it (or both)?



VT: Golda, EVERYone has game. I repeat: everyone has game. When we speak about love, relationships, sex and dating – and experiencing or “getting” those things – we are talking about skills. No one is born knowing how to have a beautiful and sustainable relationship. No one is born knowing how to ask for what they want sexually and romantically. These are things we learn over time. I have tons to say about this question, but I’m going to stop there. I’m going to talk a lot more about this on Saturday.

BLW: If you could go back in time (let’s say, to high school) and tell your teenage self something about sex and dating, what would you say?

VT: In a few years you’re going to be the hottest thing Pinole Valley High has ever produced. In a few years the DJ of the hip hop station the popular kids listen to is going to ask you out and you’re going to turn him down. You’re going to make out with the guy who was on the morning news that Ms. Barlow made you watch for extra credit; he’s going to swallow your nose ring. Oh yeah, you get a nose piercing when you’re living in Italy (yes, you live in Italy for a while) and you meet a guy named Leonardo at an ATM the first day you arrive and he becomes your lover. You’re going to meet the boy of your dreams after he sends you a love letter that’s 11 pages long. He’s going to show you what love really feels like. And he’s going to have a super sexy accent. Girl, your romance rap sheet is going to be, like, legendary. So, enjoy the debate team and the marching band now because once you graduate your heart and your vaj aren’t getting another break like this for probably 50 years.

You can catch Virgie’s talk, 10 Things About Sex You Always Wanted to Know But Were Afraid to Ask, with an all-access ticket to the Body Positive Master Class. Get yours here!

Meet The Speakers: Virgie Tovar originally appeared on Body Love Wellness (http://www.bodylovewellness.com) on February 5, 2013.

Happy Almost Valentine’s Day: Your Hair Is Old And Your Labia Are Superfluous

Guys, I didn’t know it but I have 4.27 signs of aging hair.

I didn’t know that aging hair was even a problem until now! I mean, I’ve been going gray since my late twenties, and my hair isn’t as thick as it once was, but apparently having old hair is really a thing! And I really appreciate that Courtney Cox moved her mostly immobile face just to tell me about Pantene’s latest solution for my deplorably geezerish hair.

But, if I can get serious with you for a minute, I think we need to talk about something EVEN MORE IMPORTANT than having old hair. We need to talk about your labia.

Apparently, retaining your labia is really so 2011 of you. It’s 2013 and it’s time to get with the program! The latest plastic surgery trend is to get your vulva updated, and if you want to be really hip, to just get your labia removed. One plastic surgeon calls this procedure “the Barbie” and it’s designed to give you a “comfortable, athletic, petite look”. (Plus, you’ll probably lose like .5 pounds! So worth it!)

To give you a sense of the numbers, the American College of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons recorded 2,140 vaginal rejuvenation surgeries in 2010, and the International Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons estimates that 5,200 labiaplasty procedures are performed each year. In 2012, the BBC reported that the number of labiaplasties performed in Britain had increased by five times in the last five years. Of course, these numbers represent a very small percentage of women, but there was also a point when only a few people had rhinoplasty, and later, when only a few people had had breast augmentation. Now both are considered much more normal and almost unremarkable.

On a personal level, when it comes to elective surgery, I will always vote “nay.” I like to keep scalpels and anesthesia away from my body as much as possible. I know not everyone is like me, and I do believe that people should do what they want with their bodies.

But, if I can be honest here, I think labiaplasty is a freaking tragedy. I really do. Labia are not like an appendix. They serve a purpose and that purpose is pleasure. And pleasure is really, really important.

Click to tweet: “Your vulva doesn’t need to be standard and streamlined.”

It feels like a symbol of our time that women are lopping off their labia by choice, that somehow it’s desirable to have a vulva that is standard, photoshopped, and streamlined. In just the way that our society has pathologized normal body diversity into a “dangerous obesity epidemic” are we now stepping into a new (or not so new) era of pathologizing our pussies?

Can we all get on the same page here about vulvas? Can we get clear that there is tons of variation and that variation is part of what makes vulvas so damn awesome?!

Thinking about this stuff makes me want to tear my (old) hair out. Please comment below and let me know what you think of this “trend”!

Personally, I think your labia (or whatever you’ve got) are perfectly wonderful and that being sexy/attractive/beautiful etc. is way more of an inner game than most people realize. That’s why I’m hosting the Body Positive Dating Master Class this weekend, to give you real, labia-positive advice from real body positive experts. I hope you’ll join me, and feel free to bring your labia.

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Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here.

(Listen to this post here, or subscribe on itunes.)

Happy Almost Valentine’s Day: Your Hair Is Old And Your Labia Are Superfluous originally appeared on Body Love Wellness (http://www.bodylovewellness.com) on February 4, 2013.

Meet The Speakers: Cija Black

cija Cija Black is the author of MODERN LOVE: The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships & Online Dating. Her talk, Restart Your Love Life with a Heart Makeover, is part of the Body Positive Dating Master Class happening this Saturday. For tickets and more info, click here.

Body Love Wellness: What made you decide to write Modern Love?

Cija Black: I wrote MODERN LOVE because I have always enjoyed the process of dating and realized that it wasn’t how most people experience it. I started using personal ads when I was in college and living in San Francisco and then moved onto online personals and dating sites in the late 90’s and then again when I found myself single after 10 years of marriage.

When I told people I used online dating websites they were always interested in what it was like and would inevitably have the same sorts of questions and concerns. They asked me things like: “Isn’t it scary?”, “How do you know what to write in your profile?”, “What do you do if your date is a jerk?” I realized I didn’t carry around the same kinds of fears about online dating and wanted to share my approach so that others could also find success in love, or at the very least have fun. I view dating as a way to get to know yourself better, meet new people and fine tune your people skills, and it’s a bonus if you end up falling in love!

BLW: In your view, what’s the worst kind of relationship baggage to carry with you?



CB: The worst kind of relationship baggage is the kind you aren’t even aware you are dragging around with you. There are these insidious expectations and assumptions that we collect throughout our lives and carry around with us and eventually use on unsuspecting partners. We gather this baggage from how our parents were, from what we picked up from movies (my personal favorite were John Hughes “Pretty in Pink” type films) or songs we heard when we were 16 and don’t even recognize that we use those same laws and principles in our own adult relationships.

I spend the whole first section of my book MODERN LOVE: The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships & Online Dating explaining how you can (and should) take a good long look at your relationship baggage. The goal being to keep what works chuck what doesn’t and fine tune what’s left. I highly recommend going through some of that baggage before getting out there and dating. No one wants to date an emotional mess and you certainly don’t want to present your own mess to others. Nobody is perfect and I am not saying that you should wait to date until you have everything sorted out, but it is important to at least know your way around your baggage before embarking on a new relationship. It cuts down on the surprises at least from your end.

BLW: If you could share just one dating/relationship tip, what would that be?

CB: Don’t approach each first date (and there will most likely be many) as if you are meeting your soul mate. That is way too much pressure to put on you and the other person. It is like you said in #9 of a recent post 9 Body Positive Ways To Amp Up Your Attractiveness “have fun with that person”. You are both there for the same reason, to see if you click. If you do great! If you don’t that’s OK too, you can’t expect to be everyone’s cup of tea anymore then everyone can appeal to you. Have fun, enjoy the process and relish the opportunity to meet other people. People can be interesting if you give them a chance and you may just find love.

You can catch Cija’s talk, Restart Your Love Life with a Heart Makeover, with an all-access ticket to the Body Positive Master Class. Get yours here!

Meet The Speakers: Cija Black originally appeared on Body Love Wellness (http://www.bodylovewellness.com) on February 2, 2013.

9 Body Positive Ways To Amp Up Your Attractiveness

We often get the message that being attractive means making big changes to our appearance. So this week, I want to share 9 deceptively simple things that you can do to feel more attractive TODAY (no diet pills or teeth whitener required)! I recommend trying just one tip and going from there!

Tip #1:

Stop “saving” your favorite clothes. Don’t put off the fun of wearing clothes you really love. Wear those clothes on ordinary days and let it make you feel great all day.

Tip #2:

Accentuate the positive. Even if you’re new to the body acceptance game, there’s probably some part of you that you like. Maybe it’s your eyes, or your hands or your cleavage. Accentuate that part of you with makeup, clothing, jewelry or shimmery body lotion, etc. and see how it affects your day!

Tip #3:

Make time for self care. Self care is really anything that makes you feel really good — massages, walks in the park, even reading a book with your feet up all count. Schedule that time and commit 100% to it. When you take time to do things for yourself, you feel cared for and loved, and that vibe is very attractive!

Tip #4:

Let go of assumptions. What do you assume about your attractiveness? Do you think you “can’t wear” certain things? Do you assume that certain people, based on their looks or background, won’t be interested in you? Get clear on your assumptions and practice operating without them.

Click to tweet: “Check out 9 Body Positive Dating Tips From @bodylovewellnes!”

Tip #5:

Get clear on your desires. What is it that you really want? And not what you should want — what you really, really want? Having clarity about what you want allows you to attract more of it into your life, and allows you to know it when you see it!

Tip #6:

Make friends with your reflection.  Every time (and I mean EVERY Time) you catch your reflection in the mirror or a window or whatever, affirm to yourself — “I am beautiful.”  Say it aloud or in your head.  You can mix it up with “I am sexy/gorgeous/fabulous” etc.  If you keep this practice going, not only will you believe it, but you’ll exude it.

Tip #7:

Know your flirtation style. Flirting doesn’t have to be about batted eyelashes unless you want it to. Flirting using your sense of humor, your great listening skills, body language, or even feigning disinterest can all work if you like to work them. There’s no one right way to flirt, only your way (or ways)!

Tip #8:

Get in touch with your sense of abundance. When you connect with abundance, you know there is plenty — plenty of time to meet the “one” (or “ones”), plenty of “fish in the sea”, plenty of beauty for you and everyone else to embody. There is no rush. There is no struggle. And that languid acceptance of abundance is *very* attractive.

Tip #9:

First dates are not interviews.  (It took me a while to learn this one.)  They’re opportunities to see if you like the other person’s vibe, to see if you could have fun with that person.  When you’re connected to your sense of fun and joy, you’ll wind up knowing/feeling more about your date than his/her resume.  And that openness is way sexy.

Let me know if you’re trying one of these tips in the comments section below!

Want support with dating, relationships, and amping up your attractiveness? Then check out The Body Positive Dating Master Class, featuring speakers like Hanne Blank, Virgie Tovar, and more!

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here.

9 Body Positive Ways To Amp Up Your Attractiveness originally appeared on Body Love Wellness (http://www.bodylovewellness.com) on January 28, 2013.

Announcing The Body Positive Dating Master Class! Happening Online On February 9!

I’m thrilled to invite you to the Body Positive Dating Master Class!

Whether you’re just dipping your toe into online dating or want to spice up your sex life, you will absolutely love this event!

In this Body Positive Dating Master Class you will meet dating, sex, and relationship experts with lots of different perspectives and support on how to date from a body loving perspective.

Just to name a few, we’ve got Hanne Blank (author of Big, Big, Love), Virgie Tovar (editor of Hot & Heavy), Rebecca Jane Weinstein (author of Fat Sex), and that’s just the beginning! In this engaging all-day event, you will discover simple ways to turn yourself on and turn up the heat in your dating life. (Check out the full schedule here!

For more details and to buy your ticket, go here: http://www.bodypositivedating.com/.

Once you sign up, you’ll be able to participate live in the event and/or listen to the recordings later. You can listen to the calls by phone or right on your computer.

Tickets are going fast and I can’t guarantee you a spot, so get your ticket today!

Announcing The Body Positive Dating Master Class! Happening Online On February 9! originally appeared on Body Love Wellness (http://www.bodylovewellness.com) on January 24, 2013.