C.D. Verhoff's Blog, page 3

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

These not-so-deep questions have been floating around cyberspace a while now. My sister just emailed me a boatload. These are my favorite of the bunch.

PONDERISMS
If you throw a cat out of a moving car, does it become kitty litter? 

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If you choke a smurf, what color does he turn?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell mnemonic?

Can you cry under water? 

Did Noah's ark have termites?

If a pig loses his voice is he disgruntled?

do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?

If you swear with sign language, will mother make you wash your hands with soap?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? 

Why do you have to "put your two cents in", but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? And, where is that extra penny going?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? 

What disease did cured ham actually have? 

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? 

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? 

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? 

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? 

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? 

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? 

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! 

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? 

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? 

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? 

Why Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? 

Why did you just try singing the two songs above? 

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? 

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he loves to stick his head out the window into the wind? 

If swimming helps a person thin down, explain whales.

Do you ever wonder why you read my blog in the first place?

Stupid Stuff To Ponder

These 'deep' questions have been floating around cyberspace a while now. My sister just emailed me a boatload. I chose my favorite of the bunch, which I think are just as amusing the second time around, so I thought I'd share.

PONDERISMS
If you throw a cat out of a moving car, does it become kitty litter?  Can you cry under water?  How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?  Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?  Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?  What disease did cured ham actually have?  Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?  If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? 
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?  Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?  Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?  If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?  If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?  Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!  If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?  If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?  If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?  Why Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?  Why did you just try singing the two songs above?  Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?  Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he loves to stick his head out the window into the wind?  Do you ever wonder why you read my blog in the first place?

The Wish Thief: Family Drama With Magic Sprinkles

The Wish Thief Has Arrived!
Available on Amazon
Christian Fantasy for Ages 12 & UpFamily drama with a sprinkling of magic. A rivoting tale of loss, courage and redemption.
A young spelunker from a troubled family sets out to find a priceless gem. Just as the prize appears within reach, otherworldly beings arrive to foil her plans. A battle of wits versus magic ensues, unraveling the order of the universe, and only the girl who started it all can return things back to normal. Considering her messed-up life back home, surely there's a better option than 'normal', but can she find it before time runs out? 

The Goodreads Community Says:
“Glory is a brave, adventurous, and highly imaginative girl. She makes a believable and likable central character. Her difficulties with her schoolmates are easily recognized; so are the problems that beset her family. In one form or another, they are nearly universal. This makes the book an interesting combination of the familiar and the fantastic.” – Cherokee R.
“From start to finish this book was a pleasure to read and ponder.” --Jim B.
“. . . brought some magic to me, like a fountain of youth. I felt the wonder of seeing through young eyes. Kind of like falling down the rabbit hole or going somewhere over the rainbow. This book is great for all ages.” ~Larua T.

“Glory Alley is a wonderfully likable character with spunk and heart. She finds herself plunged into the world she thought was only a fairytale . . . There's a touch of humor in the story, along with a lot of emotion as Glory tries to help the dysfunctional, sad Alley family--especially Mean Dad, who clearly isn't a bad guy, but life has dealt him more blows than he can handle. I enjoyed this imaginative book tremendously, rooting for Glory and the whole family. Highly recommended.” ~Lucy M.

Additional Info
The Wish Thief started out as a novella. I wrote it from beginning to end in under three days. It was as if the story was flowing into me from another worldly force and  I was merely the conduit in charge of getting it onto paper. That’s not to say I didn’t put a lot of thought and effort into honing it in the traditional way—through trial and error, blood and tears, coffee and chocolate. In the process, it has been transformed into a full length novel. Of all the book I have written, it's my personal favorite. Even though I didn't set out to write a Christian fantasy (I never do), after several drafts I realized that was exactly what I had done. However, my focus remains firmly on entertaining the reader. The "religious stuff" is very subtle and easy to miss if you don't know to look for it, which I think is a good thing. The book is full of holiday spirit, so this might be a good time of year to give it a try.  May the Wish Thief will steal your heart.

Ebook is available now, exclusively on Amazon.  Paperback will be sold at a later date through Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

Turn Your Phone Screen Into a 3D Hologram

In Avant Nation, a dystopian tale set in the near future, 3D projections are a part of everyday life. At the press of a button the characters can turn a flat image on a screen into a three-dimensional vision that fills a room. Such technology is closer (and easier to to do) than you think.  Check out this video on how to create your very own 3D images . . . today! 

It's always fascinating when a science fiction invention jumps off the page into reality. Makes me wonder what's next—smell-o'vision?

Everyone's a Comedian! Check Out These Customer Reviews.

If you're in the mood for laughter, check out these hilarious reviews left by Amazon customers. I swear, this is the funniest stuff on the internet!


As a writer, I appreciate their creativity. Makes me wonder if these people are comedians in real life. If not, they ought to be! Tons of other clever customers followed suit and left side-splitting reviews. Unless you're an old stick-in-the-mud, or are easily offended by bodily humor, go ahead and click on the product links. You won't be disappointed.



Veet Hair Removal Creme
A warning from across the pond...

By A. Chappell on July 3, 2012Item Package Quantity: 1After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.

I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie . . .

How to Avoid Big Ships
 Caution: Check the title before purchase, April 7, 2010

By Graham ThomasThis review is from: How to Avoid Huge Ships (Paperback)

By Graham Thomas on April 7, 2010 Format: Paperback

I live near a park and frequently walk around the local area. Given the amount of dog mess that is on the pavements I thought this book would be the ideal read to stop me having to scrape my shoes on the grass before going home. It was only after it arrived that I looked closely at the title and realised it said 'How to Avoid Huge SHIPS'. A simple error that means I am still treading on massive examples of canine excrement. Having said that, I read the book anyway, and I'm pleased to say I'm not even having near misses with huge ships anymore. No sir, they aint getting anywhere near me!

And, here's my personal favorite. Give this woman a comedic writing award for this one!
Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears, 5 Lbs. Bag Just don't. Unless it's a gift for someone you hate.

By Christine E. Torok on October 3, 2012Size: 5 lb Verified PurchaseOh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!
First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.
Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors . . .  

I don't know about you, but these make me smile every single time. If you know of any other products with a string of funny reviews, please share a link.

Win a $50 Amazon Gift Card

In celebration of summer's arrival, I’m giving away a $50 Amazon Gift Card to some lucky winner.* Could it be you?
Deadline is July 24, 2015

How to enter:Find the form near the upper left-hand corner of this website: Sign Up for Giveaways, News and Information.Enter your email and name.Look for the World of C.D. Verhoff  email in your inbox. It might take a few minutes to arrive. Click on the confirm subscription link. Whalah! You are now following my blog and are eligible for this giveaway and other future events. My hope is that this will be a fun way to introduce you to my work. Those of you who are already following my blog—thank you! You are automatically entered. The recipient will be determined in a random drawing. Good luck!

~ ~ ~
*Please note, in order to receive the gift card, the winner must shop on Amazon.com, which is for residents of the United States only. Ideally, the contest wouldn’t need this restriction, but that’s how Amazon Gift Cards work. Sorry!  

SFFWorld's Interview With C. D. Verhoff

I was honored when Dag Rambraut with SFF World contacted me about doing an interview. Of course, I said yes. He started by asking me to tell him a little bit about my latest novel, Avant Nation. Here is my reply: 
The story opens after the Second Civil War has dissolved the United States. The south is now Avantica, a nation built on genetic engineering. In the north there’s the Liberty Union Democracy, a nation violently opposed to Avantica’s ideologies. Clara, the protagonist, is a young medic caught in the middle. The questions she finds herself asking are issues we face today. How much influence should the government have over healthcare and education? How will genetic engineering shape the future? Who will control the gene pool? In exchange for comfort and security, what freedoms are we willing to give away?  However, the novel’s focus isn’t on politics or science.  In a nutshell, it’s a suspenseful coming-of-age story with lots of action and a touch of romance.

If you would like to check out the rest of the interview, click here. I suggest hanging around awhile to sift through their lively and informative website. Joining the forum is free. I signed up. 

Game of Thrones Meets Sesame Street

Game of Chairs
I can't believe Sesame Street made this, but I'm glad they did. For young and old, for better or worse, Fantasy has truly become a universally loved genre. By the way, Grover says bring a sweater, winter is coming! Brrrrr.

Avant Nation Virtual Book Tour Ended - Thank You For Participating

Congratulations to the winner, Haley S.

Publication Date: March 19. 2015
In celebration of its release, a group of awesome bloggers have agreed to review my book, Avant Nation, and host my celebratory Amazon Gift Card Giveaway. Everyone who leaves a comment with one of the hosts is eligible to win.Visit A Stop Below To Sign Up for the $25 Gift Card on Rafflecopter!
LAST DAY TO ENTER IS FRIDAY, APRIL 3 

BUS STOP LOCATIONS ARE AS FOLLOWS:
March 13 at Romorror Fan Girl(this first stop is scheduled ahead of the book release, which is on the 19th)
March 20 at Unabridged Andra's
March 27 at Reading Romances
April 3 at Long and Short Reviews YA

April 3 at The Book Lovers' Lounge

Win A $25 Amazon Gift: Avant Nation Virtual Book Tour Still Going Strong

Publication Date: March 19. 2015
In celebration of its release, a group of awesome bloggers have agreed to review my book, Avant Nation, and host my celebratory Amazon Gift Card Giveaway. Everyone who leaves a comment with one of the hosts is eligible to win.Visit A Stop Below To Sign Up for the $25 Gift Card on Rafflecopter! 

BUS STOP LOCATIONS ARE AS FOLLOWS:
March 13 at Romorror Fan Girl(this first stop is scheduled ahead of the book release, which is on the 19th)
March 20 at Unabridged Andra's
March 27 at Reading Romances
April 3 at The Book Lovers' Lounge
April 3 at Long and Short Reviews YA