C.D. Verhoff's Blog, page 2

Discuss Comet Dust Online with the Catholic Book Club

Comet Dust, a supernatural apocalyptic thriller based on the astonishing private revelations of the saints, is the the Catholic Book Club's Book of the Month over at Goodreads. I'm excited to be chosen and a little scared to find out what readers really think. Heh.

If you'd like to read or join the discussion, here's the link: 
Goodreads Catholic Book Club

For those of you who may not be familiar with Goodreads, it's a free website for book lovers. Think of it as a large library that you can wander through and see everyone's bookshelves, their reviews, and their ratings. You can post your own reviews, catalog what you have read, what you are currently reading, and plan to read in the future. You can join a book club, create one of your own, and sign up to win free books.

C.D. Verhoff's First LIVE "Radio" Interview

When Eric from  Gingerman Editorial  asked me to do an interview, I had reservations because I'm a better writer than speaker. I decided to give it a go anyway and am glad I did. Eric is a talented interviewer, as well as an editor, so I couldn't have been in better hands. He kept his cool when I couldn't get my camera working. I never did figure out went wrong (hence, the reason I'm calling it a "radio" interview), but we soldiered through the technical issues to talk about  Avant Nation,  Comet Dust,  literature and more. 
The interview is now available on YouTube. If you have any follow-up questions, feel free to post them below. 


If you're a writer in search of an editor, check out Gingerman Editorial. I hired them to work on my last book and was happy with the results. They also offer podcast creation and YouTube management services. ~Deanna (C.D. Verhoff)

Loaded with Holiday Spirit and Magical Adventure - The Wish Thief

THE WISH THIEF is an allegorical Christian adventure similar to the Chronicles of Narnia in its message, but that's where the similarities end. The main character, Glory Alley, is a quietly courageous girl living on Tullah, a planet similar to modern day Earth with a few major differences. Tullah has never heard of any of the old testament prophets, and Jesus Christ hasn’t been born yet. Since events are told from Glory’s limited perspective, there are no direct references to scripture in the story. So why label it Christian? Hopefully, my short explanation suffices. 

Regardless of the setting, alien or otherwise, it’s Christian Fiction when, whether the characters comprehend it or not, their universe is ruled by Christian truths, as far as the imperfect human author understands them.
Glory encounters the mysterious Elboni for the first time.Glory is an example of a character who doesn’t comprehend the guiding force behind her life. Considering her time and place in history, how could she? But the Christian reader is in-the-know. 
As an author, I strive to accurately reflect Christian truths in my books. Nonetheless, my understanding of said truths is incomplete and sometimes I take poetic liberties for the sake of literary effect. In other words, this book is an adventure story at heart. You can take the religious stuff or leave it, and when I was a kid, I certainly would have left it. 

For example, in the 6th grade, I read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Its Christian references went over my head. I didn’t get that Aslan, the lion who sacrifices himself to save Edmund, was supposed to represent Jesus Christ. I simply enjoyed the world of Narnia and all the glorious adventure that went with it. As an adult, once I understood the religious significance, I was able to appreciate the story on a new level. But I have never forgotten that it was the magic and adventure that captured my imagination as a kid. Underlying themes and symbols meant nothing to me. If that’s how you feel too, that’s perfectly okay. I can identify. However, if you happen to be the curious type, and want to know why the author chose certain names and specific imagery, read on. 


A Sample of Symbols 
Warning: Mild Spoilers Ahead (from the 'Bonus Material' at the back of the book)  

Bamboozle - The Bamboozle is located on a tropical island that floats above the clouds of planet Wybb. It is made entirely of white sand, taller than the trees, and shaped like a gourd with a long straight stem. “It’s like a desert in there,” Glory comments, foreshadowing the trial that’s about to take place. In the Bible, the desert is a place of temptation, where the threat of death constantly looms. It is there, inside the sandy Bamboozle, where Glory is tempted to give up her quest. 

Elboni Stone - The Elboni Stone has always existed on Tullah, but it has been hidden deep within Queen’s Mesa since the beginning of time. Then one fateful day, a girl with a stone fetish brings it out into the world. That girl is Glory Alley. The revelation of its magic is gradual. Glory herself doesn’t realize the scope of its power. The Star Riders and Lady Gost have a deeper understanding of the Elboni than most creatures, but the stone is a mystery even to them. 
Only one thing is truly magic in this universe, White Feather tells Glory. And that’s the Elboni. The stone symbolizes God, the source of all creation. The universe is sustained by His power and His power alone. 

The Star Riders tell Glory that the Elboni exists in different forms on different worlds. It looks like a green orb of light on their world. In each world, it takes on a different form. The stone form it appears in on Tullah foreshadows the coming of Christ on Earth. Scripture refers to Jesus as the cornerstone, hence the reason I decided to make the Elboni take the form of a rock.

The stone the builders have rejected has become the cornerstone (Psalm 118:22, Isaiah 28:16, Acts 4:11). 

When Glory encounters the Elboni for the first time, she senses that it is much more than a rock and knows nothing will ever be the same. Yet, her mind doesn’t grasp what has happened to her and to all of Tullah. In essence, Glory is the proverbial Christian Pilgrim. She’s not enlightened all at once. Her spiritual voyage is going to take time. At the end of book one, Glory still has a long ways to go.

Glory Alley – Glory Alley is the spunky main character of The Wish Thief. The story is told from her point-of-view. She is 13-years-old with four older siblings and one younger. She mourns for her mother. Lives in fear of her father’s drunken tirades. Yearns for wealth and respect. Worries about her delinquent older siblings (Brandon – 18, Patrice – 16, Randy & Danny – 15) and aging grandparents. Feels protective of her neglected little brother (George, who turns 4 in the middle of the story). Loves to explore Queen’s Mesa with her best friend, Clash. Collects rocks for a hobby. Frequently turns to food and Queen’s Mesa for comfort. Wants to be a geologist some day. 

Her three biggest fears are:
1) Being exposed as a loser in front of her peers.
2) Dying alone and in the dark without any hope.
3) Losing her family. 

Glory’s quest stems from these fears, but it eventually transitions to a higher purpose. In essence, Glory represents all who seek HIM. She’s an imperfect heroine who suffers from greed, envy, and pride. Her desire for material things and social status blinds her to what is really important. But she’s also loving, industrious, and courageous. When she discovers the Elboni Stone, it awakens her spiritual hunger. However, until she lets go of her attachments, including her obsession with getting a wish, she cannot move forward.  

I could write a lot more about Glory, but I prefer to let each reader define Glory in his or her own way.

Hoogula – Otherwise known as the Red-Eyed Devil of Queen’s Mesa, roams from dimension to dimension, trying to keep unenlightened creatures from finding the Elboni (God). The Star Riders call him Budd, which is short for Big Ugly Devil Dog. 

The Hoogula is a demonic creature. He prowls the world trying to keep the souls of men and women in the dark. When Glory meets him for the first time, Budd is described like this: It had a huge doggish muzzle, pointed black ears, and a white hide like scorched rock. It stood eight feet tall at the shoulder. Brown, thorn-like protrusions speckled its body.
In part, his description is taken from the parable of the sower, where the seed is choked by thorns, and where other seeds fall on scorched rock, preventing them from bearing fruit. See the Gospel of Saint Matthew Chapter 13:1-10.
The Hoogula’s job is to keep the Elboni Stone’s ‘magic’ from taking root in the people of Tullah, so I wanted to make his appearance reflect the images from that specific verse.

Lady Gost – Gost is short for Guardian of Sacred Things. When the Star Riders take Glory to Wybb, they bring her to the Crown of the Morning Star, where she is to meet Lady Gost. Glory thinks she looks like a bride. Her dress is long and white. There are twinkling stars in her long dark hair. Lady Gost carries a fancy book, The Book of Laws. Her job is to guard and interpret the laws found within the book. In her husband’s absence, she rules Wybb. Lady Gost represents the Church, the Bride of Christ, who helps guide the faithful toward spiritual perfection. 

The Harvest Feast is Tullah's Thanksgiving equivalent.This is a small sampling of the symbols listed at the back of the book. There are additional ones not referenced anywhere in the material, so you can have fun looking for them yourself. 
If you've read this far, you might be wondering where the holiday spirit comes from in a book that takes place in a world that doesn't know Jesus Christ. Please, allow me to explain. 

Although there is no Thanksgiving or Christmas on Tullah, celebrations of food and giving have developed on the planet over the centuries. Harvest Day is the equivalent of our Thanksgiving. Father Winter's Day is a foreshadowing of Christmas yet to come. So if you're looking for a holiday adventure unlike anything you have ever read, this might be the book for you.  

Ebook Available Here: Amazon

Paperback Available Here: Amazon, Barnes & Noble

Comet Dust and the Gender Divide

Received 90% of male vote. Book Cover Appeal: Men and Women are NOT Alike
Most of us are vaguely aware of this fact, but I was gobsmacked by it over the weekend.

Anyone who has followed my writing for a while knows how I like to experiment with book covers and titles. Hence, my new novel was called Days of Darkness for barely a week. The new title is Comet Dust. 
You'll recognize the same 'Brunette in the Wind' from the original Days of Darkness cover. Over the weekend, I came up with an alternative cover, 'Purple Starry Head'.  
The two covers are designed to give off different vibes.  In the aftermath of a comet hitting the Earth, Brunette in the Wind plays off of the ongoing chaos and decline of civilization. On the other hand, Purple Starry Head captures the main character's determination to hold onto her dreams and work for a brighter future.
Received 90% of female vote. Anyway, I conducted a very scientific poll to gather input. It consisted of me emailing family members and asking random people on the internet to choose their favorite cover. Thirty or so people replied back. Age range: 13 to 59. About two-thirds were women.  
Since I didn't intend the poll to be a study of gender differences, the results surprised me. Only one male voted for Purple Starry Head. Two women voted for Brunette in the Wind. That's a striking gender divide. I'd love to know the reason. Do you think it's just a color palette thing with Comet Dust or something deeper? Feel free to comment below.
What I have taken away from this is that men and women have very different tastes. Duh. Of course, they do. But what does it mean for me as an author? 
The poll tells me that I should use a target market approach. When facing the apocalyptic fiction crowd, which has a strong male readership, Brunette in the Wind is the obvious choice. If I'm going after a female-dominated genre like paranormal suspense, I should probably go with Purple Starry Head. Lucky for me, changing an eBook cover on a whim is super easy. Hurrah for the digital age! 

Are you prepared for DAYS OF DARKNESS?

Click here to see on AmazonBrace yourself because it's already here!

DAYS OFDARKNESS
* Apocalyptic * Supernatural * Christian *

Fueled by scripture and the
private revelations of the saints
Eighteen month ago, the earth survived a comet strike. Famine, economic depression, and soaring crime rates rode in on its tail. While the government scrambles for solutions, Gina Applegate vlogs about college life and current events. God doesn't figure large in her life. Nonetheless, Gina thinks she's a pretty good person--until the prophesied event known as THE WARNING gives her a glimpse of hell, shaking her fragile faith. As the world slips deeper into darkness, the gulf between the godly and the godless widens, leaving no middle ground. Gina must choose a side. For ages 16 and up.

 For your own discernment, the back of the novel includes aCOLLECTION OF THE ACTUAL PROPHECIES
Editorial Review from Gingerman:  

Days of Darkness is one of the best books of its kind that I have ever read.  It is right up there with Lord of the World by Msgr. Robert Hugh Benson. The author creates a main character in Gina that is entirely too similar to many people today, including myself.  Her struggles, doubts, thoughts and opinions could be those of any modern American.  And while the overwhelming truth of the Catholic Church is never really in doubt throughout the work, Gina is never brow-beaten with it.  She is never talked down to, screamed at, shunned or anything of the like.  

This is just one example of the even-handedness with which Verhoff treats all of her characters, from the agnostic Gina, to atheist Jeremy, to new-found Christian Kylie.  All are real people, living in a real world, each with good and evil within vying for dominance.

Other faiths are also treated very fairly.  Again, the fact that the author is Catholic is never in doubt but no faith is treated as being stupid or a complete waste.  Again, the even-handedness while maintaining a clear commitment to truth is an accomplishment in itself, especially in this divisive age. 

The writing itself is crisp and engaging, keeping you moving along through the plot at a brisk pace.  The setting of a world in decline following a nuclear war and comet impact is also described very believably, creating a backdrop of impending doom that provides much of the framework for how the characters see the world and react to the central events of the story. 

To sum up, Days of Darkness is a great read, whether one is Catholic or not.  In fact, I would argue that the writing is more than good enough that an open minded non-Christian could enjoy it on those grounds alone.  We need more books and authors like this, people writing quality fiction with a clear commitment to truth and an understanding of culture that can reach beyond the walls of the Church, evangelizing the culture through its own tools. 

Click to View eBook on Amazon
Paperback available mid-August

Days of Darkness - Teaser

Coming August 1, 2016 Click Here for a Pre-Order Discount 
Supernatural Suspense 
A fictional account of the authentic prophecies known as THE WARNING and the THREE DAYS OF DARKNESS as told through they eyes of a worldly young college student with a vlog.

"A scary, suspenseful and inspiring  journey... We  need more books like this one." --Early Review Days of Darkness

By C.D. Verhoff

An excerpt:
. . . A crack of the bat is a welcome diversion from our heated discussion. The ball pops straight up, making it an easy play for the catcher. He tears off his mask and catches it on the way down.

“Out!” shouts the ump.

I dutifully clap. Kylie stands up, saying she needs a refill of ‘liquid dirt’. I see through her excuse to exit the uncomfortable conversation. Good. It will give both of us a chance to cool down.

The two of us are like sisters. We argue, borrow each other’s crap without asking, and then promptly forgive each other. The subjects of religion, politics and Phillip West—a douche bag we unknowingly dated at the same time last year—are sore spots. I need to be more mindful about avoiding them.

Glancing up at the scoreboard, I see it’s—2:58 p.m. It’s only the first out of the third inning. I hate wasting the day playing the role of a dutiful girlfriend supporting her man. With Kylie gone, and nothing else to distract me, I return my attention the game. The batter hits a ball straight toward Jerome. He catches it in his mitt, then quickly throws it to the catcher, who outs the guy sliding into home plate.

Somewhere in the distance, a church bell bongs. People stand and cheer. The bleachers begin to vibrate. At first I assume it’s caused by the applause, but when the clapping stops, the shaking intensifies. A sixth sense tells me that this is no ordinary tremor. Something even more dreadful is coming from the distance.

Other people are noticing it, too. The spectators watching the game and the players themselves are anxiously glancing around, trying to figure out where the low rumbling is coming from. It doesn’t take long for the players to start pointing at us on the bleachers. Wait, no—they’re pointing to something above us. I turn around with my camera phone in hand to see the moon. Red veins are growing from its center outward, slowly turning the surface to the color of blood.

The sky deepens to shades of gray, then to black, in the space of a minute. For a moment, I think a storm has rolled in. But then I realize the red moon and the stars are shining through. The game has stopped. Players and spectators are gathering together in fear. Narrating into my phone for my followers, I say, “I’ve lived through a nuclear war and a comet impact. Yet the onslaught of sudden darkness fills me with more trepidation than the other two combined.”

The rumbling turns to shaking, forcing me to steady myself with one hand on the bleachers. Behind me, past the ball field, a sound like earth ripping apart rends the air. I turn my camera in that direction. A jagged fault line is cutting a path toward the campus at the speed of a bullet train. About twenty yards to my right, it races past me, growing wider, the people and cars caught in its path drop out of sight into the bowels of the earth. Screams surround me. The moon begins to pulsate. Meteors streak across the heavens. The sky is crying stars. Teardrops of light explode like bombs, pounding the earth beneath. People flee in every direction, as if they can escape the descending firmament. Knowing death is inevitable, in my confusion and escalating dread, the phone slips from my fingers.
Has the world fallen off its axis? The explanation doesn’t make any sense, but it’s all I’ve got. The sun seems to be falling toward the earth. The ball of brightness is getting bigger, bigger, filling up the sky. This can’t be happening. I’m too young to die. . .
If you want to find out what happens next, reserve your copy today. 
Click Here for Pre-Order Discount
(This will take you to Amazon. Reg. $4.99/Promo $2.99)
Price is for the eBook. Paperback will be available mid-August.

What's Coming Down The Pipeline?

For those of you who have been asking about the sequel to Avant Nation, I offer my sincerest apologies. The first draft is nearing completion, but another writing project (featured below) has caused a delay. 
Days of DarknessComing Summer of 2016

Here's a hint at what it's about:

The Illumination of Conscience and the Three Days of Darkness have been spoken of by the prophets and alluded to in the bible, but the average Christian has never heard of them. Those that have often dismiss them as too strange or too Catholic to take seriously. If you would like to know more about these mysterious events, and how they might play out in the future, this fictional account was written especially for you. Told through the eyes of a worldly 21-year-old college student, Days of Darkness brings you to the edge of the Apocalypse.   

An early reader wrote, Loved the pacing, the unpredictablility and the believability of the entire work. It is a fabulous story!  Of course, you'll have to check out the book to judge for yourself. 

In all honesty, I didn't intend to write this novel at all. It popped into my head while I was in the middle of writing the sequel to Avant Nation. I planned to ignore it until I finished what I was already working on, but the muse wouldn't let me. Realizing I wasn't going to get any rest until I obeyed the dictates of said muse, I shifted my efforts to this new book. Lo and behold, once I started, I couldn't stop. In less than two months time, I had a full-length novel my hands. I'm still amazed that it came together so easily. 
In typical Verhoff style, the completed novel refuses to follow the rules of a single genre. It's a blend of suspense, horror, fantasy and the paranormal. Unlike in my previous novels, the religious elements aren't subtle or easy to ignore. Christianity plays a major role. Stay tuned to my blog for more information about it's release date. 

Common Newbie Writer Mistakes (And How To Avoid Them)

C. D. VerhoffWriter, Teacher, Blogger
1. Starting with a prologue.
General rule of thumb, ask yourself if the story makes sense without the prologue. If it does, get rid of it and work the information into later chapters. When your book contains a prologue, in essence, you’re starting the story twice. It’s difficult enough to hook the reader once, so don’t risk having to do it a second time.
2. Opening with a dream scene.  

This is the equivalent to playing a trick on your audiences. “Ha, ha! I made you think this exciting scene was really happening, but it was only a dream. Fooled ya!” Readers will not be amused.
3. Avoiding the word “said”.
It’s the dialogue word of choice, so apply liberally. Professional fiction writers refer to it as an invisible word. The mind overlooks it, which keeps the attention on the events of the story, not the prose. That’s a good thing. Dialogue tags such as he replied, she grumbled, he sighed, she retorted and he quipped are fine, but use them judiciously. On the other hand, fully embrace he said and she said. 
4. Chapter One begins with the main character waking up.
Beginning your novel with a wake up scene isn't wrong, but it's certainly not original. “Are you crazy?” Some of you might protest. “The character waking up to a new day, to new possibilities, is the most natural place in the world to begin.” I won’t argue the point and neither will a million other writers who have started their stories exactly the same way. Having the main character wake up and throw the alarm clock is also cliché. So is waking up and shuffling to the mirror to give a character’s physical description to your readers (see #5 below).

Search your imagination. Bring out the conflict ASAP. Start with a bang, not the groan of someone getting out of bed.
5. Having the main character look in the mirror or some other reflective surface in order to give physical description.
I have seen new writers galore, including myself back in the day, start their novel something like this:

The main character wakes up, stretches, shuffles bleary-eyed over to the basin to splash water on his or her face. The character happens to catch his or her reflection in the mirror. If it's a woman, she contemplates her emerald eyes, ivory skin and silky raven locks. If it's a guy, he combs his fingers through his disheveled hair, studies his chiseled jaw and admires his six-pack abs. Does this sound familiar?

New writers think this is a clever way to sneak in physical description, but no. It’s usually the mark of an amateur. If you decide to give a character's physical description, and it's not always necessary, stretch your writing skills to bring it out in some other way. 
6. Waiting too long to introduce the conflict.
Paragraph one of the first chapter should deliver the conflict or at least hint at it. What obstacle will the main character face? Who or what is standing in the way of happiness? Conflict drives the story. Readers want to have an idea where the story is going before they invest a lot of time on it. It will be difficult to convince your readers to keep turning the pages if you fail to entice them with a juicy problem on page one.
7. Bad guy clichés.
Have you imposed a ‘bad guy’ dress code throughout your novel? Look around. Are your villains dressed in black, specifically black leather? Do they wear their sunglasses at night, have pock marked skin, scars, rotten teeth, bad hygiene or breath that reeks of garlic and onions? If so, relax the dress code a bit. Introduce some color to their wardrobes. Bathe them in Irish Spring and buy them a tin of Altoids.
For example, a killer in one of my stories was taught to knit by his dearly departed granny. The last thing his victims see as they’re being impaled with knitting needles are his bright homemade sweaters. Doesn't that cheerful smilie face sweater up the creepy factor?
Don’t get me wrong, there are times when black makes sense. It’s the choice of Ninjas and burglars alike, but don’t get caught in a rut. Stretch your imagination where you can to add extra personality to your villains.
8. Adverb addiction.
The first step is to admit that you have an adverb problem. If you’re unsure, look around. Do you see words ending in –ly lurking on every page? Study your speech tags. Do they look anything like this:
   “You’re beautiful,” he said sarcastically.   “I bet you say that to all of the girls,” she retorted dryly.
If you answered yes to any of the questions, you are probably an adverb addict. There are numerous online articles about why adverbs ought to be avoided in fiction. I encourage you to search them out on your own. I also recommend Stephen King’s book, On Writing. If he can’t convince you to give up your adverb habit, I might as well forget it.
The first stop is acknowledging you have an adverb problem, but if you can’t give them up cold turkey, start by limiting them to two or three per chapter.
9. Average Joe and Jane characters.
I can hear the protests now. Are you crazy? It’s Joe’s ordinariness that makes him so gosh darn relatable. I agree to a certain point, but on some level a character must be larger-than-life. Part of the draw of fiction is that it pulls readers into someone else’s life. Readers don’t want to read about drab humdrum lives. They are seeking new experiences through the written word. The more dramatic, the better. Who wants to hang out with a meek little lamb who never makes a splash in the world? It’s human nature to want to hang out with inspiring friends or to gawk at the car wreck. Give your readers unforgettable characters in memorable situations .
If I’m going to hang out with Plain Jane for three hundred pages, she doesn’t have to be pretty or intelligent (though it’s recommended), but she needs to have something not-so-average about her.
Maybe Jane is incredibly driven to win the class spelling bee. Maybe she’s determined to avenge her father’s death. Perhaps she has caught the interest of a serial killer. Then again, maybe she is holding a grudge against her sister, they haven’t spoken for twenty years, and they’re shipwrecked on an island together. Will they forgive each other and work to get off the island? Or will they kill each other before they can be rescued?  
Part of the draw of fiction is that it lets us escape our own reality for a little while. That’s why a character and her problems ought to be extraordinary. Speaking for myself, that’s why I’m drawn to fiction in the first place. It pushes my imagination beyond the average, beyond the ordinary, to something larger-than-life.
10. Inattention to micro-tension.
This is the moment-by-moment conflict that keeps a reader in a continuous state of suspense. Micro-tension is separate from the main conflict; it is not the same as plot. This kind of tension comes from the inside of the your characters, their emotions in conflict, ideas at war with one another, their inner turmoil. Bring it out in your character’s thoughts, the dialogue, and his reaction to the world around him.
11. Going it on your own.
Four eyes are better than two. Two brains are better than one. I suggest growing a thick skin and seeking honest feedback from a critique buddy. And don’t be snobby about it. Finding an experienced writer to exchange chapters with is like finding gold and a beginner is silver. Both are valuable commodities. If you don’t know any writers who might want to exchange critiques with you, a good place to find one is an online site called Critique Circle. I found a great critique buddy on Goodreads by combing through the various writing groups. Hatrack is another possible avenue.

12. Adhering rigidly to advice like mine. 

First, learn the rules and expectations of good fiction, then occasionally break them. For example, the The Hunger Games begins with a wake up scene. However, Suzanne Collins is no newbie writer, making  newbie mistakes. Her wake up scene is masterfully done. Originally, I planned to discuss why it works so well, but I think it deserves it's very own post. Stay tuned. ........................................
If you’ve made any of this newbie mistakes, don't get discouraged. You’re not alone. I’ve made most of them myself. Consider it a right of passage. You’re on your way. Happy Writing.

Useless Facts You Might Not Know

Knowing my love of useless information, a friend sent me a list of strange facts. Just so ya know--I have not verified their authenticity.

1.    Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.

2.     The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.

3.     A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and             down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

4.     A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

5.     Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

6.     A 2 X 4 is really 1-1/2" by 3-1/2" (actually, this is a pretty useful fact if you're in the building business).

7.     During the chariot scene in "Ben Hur," a small red car can be seen              in the distance (and Heston's wearing a watch).

8.    On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
(Perhaps this explains a few things!)

9.    Sherlock Holmes NEVER said, "Elementary, my dear Watson." (Tell me this ain't so!)

10.  Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

11.  The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.

12.  There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange,
purple and silver. (You mean to tell me that "nurple" isn't a real word?) 

13.  Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them. (I'm not sure I believe this one. Surely, beans or not, astronauts fart on occasion)

14.  The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

16.  If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will
instantly go mad and sting itself to death. (Who wants to test this out?)

17.  Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down
so you could see his moves.

18.  The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in
the USA." (BRROOOOOS!)

19.  The original name for butterfly was flutterby.

20.  The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which
stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

Stupid Stuff We Ponder

These not-so-deep questions have been floating around cyberspace a while now. My sister just emailed me a boatload. These are my favorite of the bunch.

PONDERISMS
If you throw a cat out of a moving car, does it become kitty litter? 

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If you choke a smurf, what color does he turn?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell mnemonic?

Can you cry under water? 

Did Noah's ark have termites?

If a pig loses his voice is he disgruntled?

do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?

If you swear with sign language, will mother make you wash your hands with soap?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? 

Why do you have to "put your two cents in", but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? And, where is that extra penny going?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? 

What disease did cured ham actually have? 

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? 

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? 

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? 

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? 

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? 

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? 

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! 

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? 

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? 

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? 

Why Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? 

Why did you just try singing the two songs above? 

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? 

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he loves to stick his head out the window into the wind? 

If swimming helps a person thin down, explain whales.

Do you ever wonder why you read my blog in the first place?