Stuart Hazleton's Blog: Your Best Sex, page 3

Best Sex Ahead—April 4th through April 10th

 

by

Stuart Hazleton

I wrote the book Sex-Scopes and was a Cosmopolitan Columnist for 5 years.

(For your full sexual back-story, meanwhile, go to the link below to buy Sex-Scopes in English or en Espanol.)

amazon.com/author/stuarthazleton

My first novel will be released on May 25th. If you’re looking for strong, smart women and deliciously hot hunks doing pretty much everything imaginable this book will keep you up–as well as other things–for some late-night, raunchy reading!

 

Aries: Asteroid Ceres has you seriously sexual from the 8th on. Encourage your inner ram to rut by visually recording your first round of raunch. Then, replay that powerful pounding or libidinous licking on your TV or projector as you indulge in an erotic 2nd round: It’ll kinda feel like a four-way, minus the embarrassment of saying adios to erotic partners you’ll never want to see again!

Taurus: As the mournful Moon moves into often-clingy Cancer on the 6th, you’ll want to argue with your other when she or he wants something sexual YOU view as out of the norm–even though other signs rarely view this erotic action as odd. Stop being so stubborn, Taurus, and forgo oral arguments for oral action of a carnal kind. If you don’t, your bed-banging buddy’s frustration will lead to a decidedly different fornicational request–that you definitely will find hard to swallow…

Gemini: With your ruling planet, mental Mercury, moving through playful Pisces on the 6th, both of your sexual sides will want to come out to play–with totally different ideas about each halves’ favored forms of f***ing. Let both your twins win on the 4th: Go for basic, missionary style sex first, to satisfy your goody-two-shoes side, then, free your inner, dirty dude or dudette by going the dominatrix/dominator route. This way, both your twins will be titillated–and your other will enjoy getting to bang two totally different types.

Cancer: With va-voom Venus in open-minded Aquarius on the 4th and 5th, you’ll feel like making a laundry list of love-making requests. Since this hump-and-pump phase falls on the weekend, do just that: Write down everything you’re wanting between sheets on a list for your lover to discover when she or he gets home from work or school, to erect desires–among other things. Don’t sweat this overly sexual phase, water sign: Get it while the getting is good, because, from the 6th on, you’ll be moving into a majorly dry spell when it comes to all things that are deliciously dirty.

Leo: Mounting Mars in loving Libra has you wanting to try things you–or your lover–might not be ready for from the 8th on. I’m talking about over-the-top erotic antics–from three-ways to even orgies. First off, sign-o’-the-lion, if you aim for this kind of love fest, keep sex safe with rubbers or dental dams: Sexual diseases suck far harder than any erotic act. Second, realize that only certain personality types–and signs–can handle such extreme eroticism, so, make sure you and your other are ready for sexual stuff like this through open and honest, adult conversation, to um,er…prime the pump: There’s no shame in drawing the line when it comes to bumping uglies with someone other than your other.

Virgo: Past-perfect Pluto in carnal Capricorn has you fixated on a lover who left you long ago. Whether you’re single or taken, realize that this libidinous lust is storytelling on your part, earth sign: You’re erasing all the bad stuff about this sex-ex as you increase everything good to completely fictional levels. Realize that although momentarily you may want your current partner less, these mounting memories are complete–and utter–bullshit. DON’T make the mistake of sexting, texting or drunk-dialing this mounting memory from the old days: Let the past stay just that.

Libra: Slinky Saturn in sexual Scorpio has you even more visual than you already are. Let your loving-Libran freak flag fly high with a late-night viewing of porn with your other half–or one-nighter–on the 4th. Surprise your sex partner by saying you’ll watch Frozen but then slip something far more sexual into your blu-ray player. You may not get to watch Disney’s delightful, ice-cold musical, but I promise you Libra–something is still going to get very, very stiff.

Scorpio: Understanding Uranus in let’s-ram Aries has you all about getting to know–and understand–your bed buddy’s inner fantasies on the 5th. Be honest as you analyze your other half’s horizontal wants and needs, then, give him or her exactly what’s requested. Some words of warning, though, scorpion: Jealousy tends to often rear its ugly head in you–and that’s NOT the type of head you should be honoring with this erotic indulgence.

Sagittarius: The romantic moon in two-toned Gemini on the 4th and 5th, has you wanting to flip-flop during sexual sambas. Satisfy this yearning for sexual twists and turning by you deciding Friday’s fornication game plan, then, have your erotic other half come up with hot, humping ideas for Saturday: Satisfying this conflict of carnal urges will make your inner Sagi-guy or girl grin.

Capricorn: The rhythmic Moon in let’s-make love Leo makes tempo spice up your sex life on the 9th and 10th. For you young ‘uns out there, opt for some Miley: Her hot beats will warm both your forms. And for my old-school addicts? Opt for Prince, Sheila E., INXS or The Doors to increase the pump in your passion.

Aquarius: The asteroid Chiron brings out the crankiness in your inner Aqua-bot, making you want to withhold sex from your other half as a not-so-smooth sexual move early in the week’s forecast. Luckily, this period only lasts from the 5th through the 7th, so, if you can’t force yourself to fornicate to please your partner, at least make like the Titanic and go down.

Pisces: With sometimes vengeful-Venus moving through your home-base of Pisces on the 6th, count on carnal confusion when it comes to sex. You’ll THINK your bed buddy is bopping someone else around this time, but stop sweating, fishy, because you’re dead wrong. To soothe your frazzled nerves during this time, focus on LOTS of sex, with your passion-partner on top, taking charge and dominating all that you do: A satisfied Pisces is a flopping fish!

Here’s to GREAT sex!

–Stuart Hazleton

Visit my Facebook page at facebook.com/profile.php?id=1404468899

 

 

 

 

Best Sex Ahead: April 4th-April 10th

Best Sex Ahead–April 4th-April 10th

by

Stuart Hazleton

I wrote the book Sex-Scopes and was a Cosmopolitan Columnist for 5 years.

(For your full sexual back-story, meanwhile, go to the link below to buy Sex-Scopes in English or en Espanol.)

amazon.com/author/stuarthazleton

My first novel will be released on May 25th. If you’re looking for strong, smart women and deliciously hot hunks doing pretty much everything imaginable this book will keep you up–as well as other things–for some late-night, raunchy reading!

Aries: Asteroid Ceres has you seriously sexual from the 8th on. Encourage your inner ram to rut by visually recording your first round of raunch. Then, replay that powerful pounding or libidinous licking on your TV or projector as you indulge in an erotic 2nd round: It’ll kinda feel like a four-way, minus the embarrassment of saying adios to erotic partners you’ll never want to see again!

Taurus: As the mournful Moon moves into often-clingy Cancer on the 6th, you’ll want to argue with your other when she or he wants something sexual YOU view as out of the norm–even though other signs rarely view this erotic action as odd. Stop being so stubborn, Taurus, and forgo oral arguments for oral action of a carnal kind. If you don’t, your bed-banging buddy’s frustration will lead to a decidedly different fornicational request–that you definitely will find hard to swallow…

Gemini: With your ruling planet, mental Mercury, moving through playful Pisces on the 6th, both of your sexual sides will want to come out to play–with totally different ideas about each halves’ favored forms of f***ing. Let both your twins win on the 4th: Go for basic, missionary style sex first, to satisfy your goody-two-shoes side, then, free your inner, dirty dude or dudette by going the dominatrix/dominator route. This way, both your twins will be titillated–and your other will enjoy getting to bang two totally different types.

Cancer: With va-voom Venus in open-minded Aquarius on the 4th and 5th, you’ll feel like making a laundry list of love-making requests. Since this hump-and-pump phase falls on the weekend, do just that: Write down everything you’re wanting between sheets on a list for your lover to discover when she or he gets home from work or school, to erect desires–among other things. Don’t sweat this overly sexual phase, water sign: Get it while the getting is good, because, from the 6th on, you’ll be moving into a majorly dry spell when it comes to all things that are deliciously dirty.

Leo: Mounting Mars in loving Libra has you wanting to try things you–or your lover–might not be ready for from the 8th on. I’m talking about over-the-top erotic antics–from three-ways to even orgies. First off, sign-o’-the-lion, if you aim for this kind of love fest, keep sex safe with rubbers or dental dams: Sexual diseases suck far harder than any erotic act. Second, realize that only certain personality types–and signs–can handle such extreme eroticism, so, make sure you and your other are ready for sexual stuff like this through open and honest, adult conversation, to um,er…prime the pump: There’s no shame in drawing the line when it comes to bumping uglies with someone other than your other.

Virgo: Past-perfect Pluto in carnal Capricorn has you fixated on a lover who left you long ago. Whether you’re single or taken, realize that this libidinous lust is storytelling on your part, earth sign: You’re erasing all the bad stuff about this sex-ex as you increase everything good to completely fictional levels. Realize that although momentarily you may want your current partner less, these mounting memories are complete–and utter–bullshit. DON’T make the mistake of sexting, texting or drunk-dialing this mounting memory from the old days: Let the past stay just that.

Libra: Slinky Saturn in sexual Scorpio has you even more visual than you already are. Let your loving-Libran freak flag fly high with a late-night viewing of porn with your other half–or one-nighter–on the 4th. Surprise your sex partner by saying you’ll watch Frozen but then slip something far more sexual into your blu-ray player. You may not get to watch Disney’s delightful, ice-cold musical, but I promise you Libra–something is still going to get very, very stiff.

Scorpio: Understanding Uranus in let’s-ram Aries has you all about getting to know–and understand–your bed buddy’s inner fantasies on the 5th. Be honest as you analyze your other half’s horizontal wants and needs, then, give him or her exactly what’s requested. Some words of warning, though, scorpion: Jealousy tends to often rear its ugly head in you–and that’s NOT the type of head you should be honoring with this erotic indulgence.

Sagittarius: The romantic moon in two-toned Gemini on the 4th and 5th, has you wanting to flip-flop during sexual sambas. Satisfy this yearning for sexual twists and turning by you deciding Friday’s fornication game plan, then, have your erotic other half come up with hot, humping ideas for Saturday: Satisfying this conflict of carnal urges will make your inner Sagi-guy or girl grin.

Capricorn: The rhythmic Moon in let’s-make love Leo makes tempo spice up your sex life on the 9th and 10th. For you young ‘uns out there, opt for some Miley: Her hot beats will warm both your forms. And for my old-school addicts? Opt for Prince, Sheila E., INXS or The Doors to increase the pump in your passion.

Aquarius: The asteroid Chiron brings out the crankiness in your inner Aqua-bot, making you want to withhold sex from your other half as a not-so-smooth sexual move early in the week’s forecast. Luckily, this period only lasts from the 5th through the 7th, so, if you can’t force yourself to fornicate to please your partner, at least make like the Titanic and go down.

Pisces: With sometimes vengeful-Venus moving through your home-base of Pisces on the 6th, count on carnal confusion when it comes to sex. You’ll THINK your bed buddy is bopping someone else around this time, but stop sweating, fishy, because you’re dead wrong. To soothe your frazzled nerves during this time, focus on LOTS of sex, with your passion-partner on top, taking charge and dominating all that you do: A satisfied Pisces is a flopping fish!

Here’s to GREAT sex!

–Stuart Hazleton

Visit my Facebook page at facebook.com/profile.php?id=1404468899

 

 

Best Sex Ahead–April 4th–April 10th

Best Sex Ahead–April 4th-April 10th

by

Stuart Hazleton

I wrote the book Sex-Scopes and was a Cosmopolitan Columnist for 5 years.

(For your full sexual back-story, meanwhile, go to the link below to buy Sex-Scopes in English or en Espanol.)

amazon.com/author/stuarthazleton

My first novel will be released on May 25th. If you’re looking for strong, smart women and deliciously hot hunks doing pretty much everything imaginable

this book will keep you up–as well as other things–for some late-night, raunchy reading!

Aries: Asteroid Ceres has you seriously sexual from the 8th on. Encourage your inner ram to rut by visually recording your first round of raunch. Then, replay that powerful pounding or libidinous licking on your TV or projector as you indulge in an erotic 2nd round: It’ll kinda feel like a four-way, minus the embarrassment of saying adios to erotic partners you’ll never want to see again!

Taurus: As the mournful Moon moves into often-clingy Cancer on the 6th, you’ll want to argue with your other when she or he wants something sexual YOU view as out of the norm–even though other signs rarely view this erotic action as odd. Stop being so stubborn, Taurus, and forgo oral arguments for oral action of a carnal kind. If you don’t, your bed-banging buddy’s frustration will lead to a decidedly different fornicational request–that you definitely will find hard to swallow…

Gemini: With your ruling planet, mental Mercury, moving through playful Pisces on the 6th, both of your sexual sides will want to come out to play–with totally different ideas about each halves’ favored forms of f***ing. Let both your twins win on the 4th: Go for basic, missionary style sex first, to satisfy your goody-two-shoes side, then, free your inner, dirty dude or dudette by going the dominatrix/dominator route. This way, both your twins will be titillated–and your other will enjoy getting to bang two totally different types.

Cancer: With va-voom Venus in open-minded Aquarius on the 4th and 5th, you’ll feel like making a laundry list of love-making requests. Since this hump-and-pump phase falls on the weekend, do just that: Write down everything you’re wanting between sheets on a list for your lover to discover when she or he gets home from work or school, to erect desires–among other things. Don’t sweat this overly sexual phase, water sign: Get it while the getting is good, because, from the 6th on, you’ll be moving into a majorly dry spell when it comes to all things that are deliciously dirty.

Leo: Mounting Mars in loving Libra has you wanting to try things you–or your lover–might not be ready for from the 8th on. I’m talking about over-the-top erotic antics–from three-ways to even orgies. First off, sign-o’-the-lion, if you aim for this kind of love fest, keep sex safe with rubbers or dental dams: Sexual diseases suck far harder than any erotic act. Second, realize that only certain personality types–and signs–can handle such extreme eroticism, so, make sure you and your other are ready for sexual stuff like this through open and honest, adult conversation, to um,er…prime the pump: There’s no shame in drawing the line when it comes to bumping uglies with someone other than your other.

Virgo: Past-perfect Pluto in carnal Capricorn has you fixated on a lover who left you long ago. Whether you’re single or taken, realize that this libidinous lust is storytelling on your part, earth sign: You’re erasing all the bad stuff about this sex-ex as you increase everything good to completely fictional levels. Realize that although momentarily you may want your current partner less, these mounting memories are complete–and utter–bullshit. DON’T make the mistake of sexting, texting or drunk-dialing this mounting memory from the old days: Let the past stay just that.

Libra: Slinky Saturn in sexual Scorpio has you even more visual than you already are. Let your loving-Libran freak flag fly high with a late-night viewing of porn with your other half–or one-nighter–on the 4th. Surprise your sex partner by saying you’ll watch Frozen but then slip something far more sexual into your blu-ray player. You may not get to watch Disney’s delightful, ice-cold musical, but I promise you Libra–something is still going to get very, very stiff.

Scorpio: Understanding Uranus in let’s-ram Aries has you all about getting to know–and understand–your bed buddy’s inner fantasies on the 5th. Be honest as you analyze your other half’s horizontal wants and needs, then, give him or her exactly what’s requested. Some words of warning, though, scorpion: Jealousy tends to often rear its ugly head in you–and that’s NOT the type of head you should be honoring with this erotic indulgence.

Sagittarius: The romantic moon in two-toned Gemini on the 4th and 5th, has you wanting to flip-flop during sexual sambas. Satisfy this yearning for sexual twists and turning by you deciding Friday’s fornication game plan, then, have your erotic other half come up with hot, humping ideas for Saturday: Satisfying this conflict of carnal urges will make your inner Sagi-guy or girl grin.

Capricorn: The rhythmic Moon in let’s-make love Leo makes tempo spice up your sex life on the 9th and 10th. For you young ‘uns out there, opt for some Miley: Her hot beats will warm both your forms. And for my old-school addicts? Opt for Prince, Sheila E., INXS or The Doors to increase the pump in your passion.

Aquarius: The asteroid Chiron brings out the crankiness in your inner Aqua-bot, making you want to withhold sex from your other half as a not-so-smooth sexual move early in the week’s forecast. Luckily, this period only lasts from the 5th through the 7th, so, if you can’t force yourself to fornicate to please your partner, at least make like the Titanic and go down.

Pisces: With sometimes vengeful-Venus moving through your home-base of Pisces on the 6th, count on carnal confusion when it comes to sex. You’ll THINK your bed buddy is bopping someone else around this time, but stop sweating, fishy, because you’re dead wrong. To soothe your frazzled nerves during this time, focus on LOTS of sex, with your passion-partner on top, taking charge and dominating all that you do: A satisfied Pisces is a flopping fish!

Here’s to GREAT sex!

–Stuart Hazleton

Best Sex Ahead–3/28-4/3

Best Sex Ahead–3/28-4/3

I wrote the book Sex-Scopes and was a Cosmopolitan Columnist for 5 years.

(For your full sexual backstory, go to the link below to buy Sex-Scopes in English or en Espanol.)

amazon.com/author/stuarthazleton

My first novel will be released on May 25th. Gear up for some decadent debauchery, dudes and dudettes: It makes Sex-Scopes look like a Little Golden Book.

Aries: As wordsmith Mercury slips through playful Pisces, humping goes high brow on the 29th. Sate this carnal combination of sex, class, sass and ass by reading erotica to your other before bed–from 50 Shades of Gray or Anne Rice’s sex-filled Sleeping Beauty trilogy for my less feisty fire signs, to old-school sexiness like Erica Jong’s Fear of Flying for my rams who exhibit the more usual take-charge ‘tude Aries is known for: These bedtime stories WON’T put you to sleep…

Taurus: With past-focused Pluto reigning supreme in gutsy Capricorn, expect an ex to reappear mid-week. This guy or girl won’t equal much beyond temporary bedded bliss, so, if you’re half of a couple avoid temptation. And if you’re single? Aim for an ultra-erotic one nighter.

Gemini: Slow-moving Saturn slipping through super-sexual Scorpio makes anticipation amplify erotic feelings. Encourage this urge to merge on the 2nd, by leaving a deliciously dirty message on the object of your affection’s answering machine: It’ll give hump-day an all new meaning. Just make sure you start the titillating talk with, “If you’re not alone, turn this off now: I’m about to get nasty,”–because having your other’s mother listen in to your out-loud love letter will lead to iffy stiffies and seriously unsatisfying sex.

Cancer: Alternative-oriented Uranus makes oral adventures key to levitating your libido to new levels. Plot out extra time for titillation on the 28th, when eating out once won’t be enough: You’ll be seriously wanting some sloppy seconds!

Leo: Boundary-breaking Mars in anything-goes Aquarius on the 3rd has you pushing lovemaking to ultra-extreme limits. Whether you opt for whips, chains or handcuffs, go slow if your partner’s not used to your dominant nature–and make damn sure you have a safe word!

Virgo: Your ruling planet, high-strung Mercury, gives you two options this weekend: A war of words with your carnal cutie or a far more healthy release through a healthy helping of sexual satisfaction. Opt for the latter alternative by teasing each other with dirty dares. Settle who gets what with a quick game of Rock, Paper, Scissors–then, use your hands to get other things rock hard.

Libra: Asteroid Chiron inverts your naughty nature on the 2nd, so if you’re used to calling shots, slide into submission instead. My laid-back Librans should flip their usual form of fornication by barking out some super-smutty commands when between sheets, meanwhile: Your partner–and you–will enjoy the change.

Scorpio: Speedy Mars in lets-make-love Libra ups odds for a  pump and dump on the 3rd. Better slow down your sting, scorpion: If you don’t, once you’re done with eros your other will be scouting out an exit–permanently.

Sagittarius: A too-passionate Pisces turns Venus vexing as she makes her way into fishing county on the 6th. This love/sex snag has you trying to force your lover into saying the “L” word or asking the “M” question. Fight this, fire sign, by just aiming for your usual lavish love-making instead: Trying to force affection will lead to a major  loss of erection.

Capricorn: Your titillation for tricks is tweaked this weekend when bad-ass Jupiter grabs your goat by the horns. Whether you opt for freeze-dried honey sprinkled on your lover’s lower extremeties, or, perplex your partner’s pink parts with a feather, depends on your gender and orientation–but if you open your adult-oriented toy box, you’ll be rewarded with a deliciously dirty dance between the sheets.

Aquarius: Your ruler, often-confusing Uranus has you mistaking a co-worker’s or college bud’s advance as friendship around the 4th. Not so fast, Aqua-man or woman: This acquaintance is actually after a completely different kind of “F” word–avoiding alcohol will keep you from indulging in acrobatic activities that will lead to serious bed-blues and regret in the days to come.

Pisces: The lets-mount Moon in horny Taurus has you wanting to play sexual show-and-tell. Build your bed-buddy’s need to breed by going commando on the 2nd–then, unzip for a few seconds in a discrete area of a public place to give your other a taste of what’s to come before this exhibitionist streak ends.

Here’s to great sex!

–Stuart Hazleton

Visit my Facebook page at facebook.com/profile.php?id=1404468899.

Best Sex Ahead-3/28-4/3

Best Sex Ahead–3/28-4/3

I wrote the book Sex-Scopes and was a Cosmopolitan Columnist for 5 years.

(For your full sexual backstory, go to the link below to buy Sex-Scopes in English or en Espanol.)

amazon.com/author/stuarthazleton

My first novel will be released on May 25th. Gear up for some decadent debauchery, dudes and dudettes: It makes Sex-Scopes look like a Little Golden Book.

Aries: As wordsmith Mercury slips through playful Pisces, humping goes high brow on the 29th. Sate this carnal combination of sex, class, sass and ass by reading erotica to your other before bed–from 50 Shades of Gray or Anne Rice’s sex-filled Sleeping Beauty trilogy for my less feisty fire signs, to old-school sexiness like Erica Jong’s Fear of Flying for my rams who exhibit the more usual take-charge ‘tude Aries is known for: These bedtime stories WON’T put you to sleep…

Taurus: With past-focused Pluto reigning supreme in gutsy Capricorn, expect an ex to reappear mid-week. This guy or girl won’t equal much beyond temporary bedded bliss, so, if you’re half of a couple avoid temptation. And if you’re single? Aim for an ultra-erotic one nighter.

Gemini: Slow-moving Saturn slipping through super-sexual Scorpio makes anticipation amplify erotic feelings. Encourage this urge to merge on the 2nd, by leaving a deliciously dirty message on the object of your affection’s answering machine: It’ll give hump-day an all new meaning. Just make sure you start the titillating talk with, “If you’re not alone, turn this off now: I’m about to get nasty,”–because having your other’s mother listen in to your out-loud love letter will lead to iffy stiffies and seriously unsatisfying sex.

Cancer: Alternative-oriented Uranus makes oral adventures key to levitating your libido to new levels. Plot out extra time for titillation on the 28th, when eating out once won’t be enough: You’ll be seriously wanting some sloppy seconds!

Leo: Boundary-breaking Mars in anything-goes Aquarius on the 3rd has you pushing lovemaking to ultra-extreme limits. Whether you opt for whips, chains or handcuffs, go slow if your partner’s not used to your dominant nature–and make damn sure you have a safe word!

Virgo: Your ruling planet, high-strung Mercury, gives you two options this weekend: A war of words with your carnal cutie or a far more healthy release through a healthy helping of sexual satisfaction. Opt for the latter alternative by teasing each other with dirty dares. Settle who gets what with a quick game of Rock, Paper, Scissors–then, use your hands to get other things rock hard.

Libra: Asteroid Chiron inverts your naughty nature on the 2nd, so if you’re used to calling shots, slide into submission instead. My laid-back Librans should flip their usual form of fornication by barking out some super-smutty commands when between sheets, meanwhile: Your partner–and you–will enjoy the change.

Scorpio: Speedy Mars in lets-make-love Libra ups odds for a  pump and dump on the 3rd. Better slow down your sting, scorpion: If you don’t, once you’re done with eros your other will be scouting out an exit–permanently.

Sagittarius: A too-passionate Pisces turns Venus vexing as she makes her way into fishing county on the 6th. This love/sex snag has you trying to force your lover into saying the “L” word or asking the “M” question. Fight this, fire sign, by just aiming for your usual lavish love-making instead: Trying to force affection will lead to a major  loss of erection.

Capricorn: Your titillation for tricks is tweaked this weekend when bad-ass Jupiter grabs your goat by the horns. Whether you opt for freeze-dried honey sprinkled on your lover’s lower extremeties, or, perplex your partner’s pink parts with a feather, depends on your gender and orientation–but if you open your adult-oriented toy box, you’ll be rewarded with a deliciously dirty dance between the sheets.

Aquarius: Your ruler, often-confusing Uranus has you mistaking a co-worker’s or college bud’s advance as friendship around the 4th. Not so fast, Aqua-man or woman: This acquaintance is actually after a completely different kind of “F” word–avoiding alcohol will keep you from indulging in acrobatic activities that will lead to serious bed-blues and regret in the days to come.

Pisces: The lets-mount Moon in horny Taurus has you wanting to play sexual show-and-tell. Build your bed-buddy’s need to breed by going commando on the 2nd–then, unzip for a few seconds in a discrete area of a public place to give your other a taste of what’s to come before this exhibitionist streak ends.

Here’s to great sex!

Stuart Hazleton

Visit my Facebook page at facebook.com/profile.php?id=1404468899.

Best Sex Ahead–3/21-3/27

Best Sex Ahead–3/21-3/27

I wrote the book Sex-Scopes and was a Cosmopolitan Columnist for 5 years.

(For your full sexual backstory, read Sex-Scopes by going to the link below. Visit my Facebook writer page at facebook.com/profile.php?id=1404468899.)

amazon.com/author/stuarthazleton

Aries: The Sun moves into your ruling sign on the 21st, ram, increasing your bedroom prowess–as well as other Aries-proclivities. Since you won’t take, “No,” for an answer when it comes to what you believe should occur while you’re bouncing bed-springs, work on making your requests as charming as possible: That will increase your odds of turning fiction into friction.

Taurus: Mars in love-oriented Libra has you even more romantic than you usually are for the entire week, Taurus. Think bubble-baths, slow strip teases and roses instead of racy raunch to get your sexual energy running on all cylinders: Going slow and sexy instead of full throttle will grab your inner bull by the horns and elevate libido to all new levels.

Gemini: You’ll want to explore every erotic inch of your bed-bop buddy with Saturn in seriously-sexual Scorpio for the entire week. This is a blast of sexual sassiness that lasts and lasts, so, if you’ve ever itched to call in sick to work so you can work up a sweat with bed-bonding, putting your plan into immediate action could open your eyes to new erotic ideas. This burst of imagination will only occur after you and your other half have blasted off a few times first, so, aim for quantity and quality at least one or two days this week.

Cancer: Venus in Aquarius has you unusually mellow–both in the bedroom and out of it. Discuss any fantasies you have in full during this time, crabby: With your normally shy-side on a mini-vacation, now’s the time to spit out anything you need to say–unless you prefer to swallow, of course! ;-)

Leo: Mixed sexual signals will be your rule while hard-to-understand Uranus is making his way through Aries this week, lion-heart. Make sure you don’t mis-read what your other half wants by repeating back any raunchy requests: Clarifying carnal cravings will ensure you turn off the possibility for misunderstandings as well as making sure that you’re left turned on.

Virgo: The Moon in Sagittarius flip-flops your usually prim nature for a sexual streak that’s way more blatant than a porn star on acid. Paired Virgos should eat extra on the 21st, since she/he won’t feel like leaving the bedroom from the 22nd through the 24th. And my advice for the single “virgins” out there? Avoid one-nighters: This planetary positioning means a raunchy rendezvous will lead to serious regret the next morning.

Libra: Pluto in Capricorn puts a cap on your sexuality mid-week, as you aim for all-work-and-no-play. This blast of ambition is useful, sign-of-the-scales, but only if you let go of it by week’s end: If you don’t remember to keep your other half happy by the weekend, she/he may look elsewhere for affection. In the meantime, if your other won’t take no for an answer mid-week, give his/her raunchy streak some release with a quickie.

Scorpio: As the sense-oriented Moon moves into get-it-done Capricorn on the 24th, you’ll look at sex as a job instead of an adventure. Since this period only lasts two days, get your giddy-up groove on before the 24th and/or after the 26th: If you do try to perform during this period of no-sex-is-good-sex, realize that the glazed-over look on your partner’s face stems from the fact you’re boring him/her between sheets. Before and beyond this period, you’re your usual super-sexy self, but during it, opt for using your fingers to work the controller to your Playstation 4 instead of trying to press your bed-buddy’s buttons.

Sagittarius: With your ruling planet Jupiter in shy Cancer for the week, you’ll feel like slowing down any relationship you’re in, as you simultaneously aim to rev up your raunch. This isn’t a bad phase at all for my single Sagis (expect LOADS of fun in bed :-)) but partnered signs should fight the urge to bop with someone other than the usual bed partner. If all else fails during this burst of fornicational effervescence, beg your other half to opt for a three way: With your horniness at an all-time-high, you’ll probably be okay with her or him choosing the extra sex partner in the sack.

Capricorn: With word-loving Mercury in Pisces for the week, hold off on any serious exclamations or escalations in your relationship : Pisces is harder to figure out than lyrics to a Pink Floyd song and this go-fish energy could lead you to say things in the heat of your mounting moments that you don’t really mean. Your good news? Sexual energy is high so use your mouth for activities that don’t involve speaking to satisfy you and your significant other.

Aquarius: When the Moon moves into your ruling sign of ultra-erotic Aquarius on the 26th, you’ll feel like breaking out of the norm. Whether you opt for handcuffs, silk scarves or something more discreet, letting your object of affection bind you before bed will lead to those “O’s,” you’re aiming for!

Pisces: Dreams, fantasies and tabboo activities bend your brain this week, fishy, courtesy of Neptune pulsing through Pisces. Keep eroticism that’s radically inappropriate to yourself, but feel free to push any boundaries your better half agrees to: From experimenting with new positions to recording your raunch, anything new and different will keep you feeling sexually in the swim.

Here’s to great sex!

Stuart Hazleton

Getting busier between the sheets and delving deeper into astrology.

Best Sex Ahead for 3/14-3/20

Best Sex Ahead for 3/14-3/20

by

Stuart Hazleton

I wrote the book Sex-Scopes and was a columnist for Cosmopolitan for 5 years.

amazon.com/author/stuarthazleton

Aries: Neptune in Pisces makes water a key component of your sexual synergy this week, fire sign. If you’re single, this could carnally mean something mundane, like a wet dream that’s out-of-the-norm for anyone over 18. If you’re partnered, however, park your other half in a hot tub, shower or bath and then get busy. It’s not so much WHAT you do fornicationally, Aries, it’s WHERE you’ll be doing it that will give you the most blasts (figuratively AND literally!)

Taurus: Tough-guy Mars in loving Libra, ups your odds for a bullish forecast in all things affectionate and erotic–from just kissing to oral adventures of an entirely different kind. Want extra good news, earth sign? This interesting planetary position ups your odds for detecting lies, so if you have any pressing questions for your other half, ask them now: For the foreseeable future, you’re not just the sign of the bull–you’re also great when it comes to detecting b.s. from your better half. Use any info you discover wisely, and, don’t act on it until after the 19th.

Gemini: With the quiet Moon in nit-picky Virgo on the 15th, you’ll feel like silently listing your partner’s flaws if you’re taken–and feeling a little sorry for yourself if you’re single. Luckily this phase only lasts for around 48 hours, and the key to surviving this un-Gemini bout of boo-hooing is by remembering you can’t think about two things at once. Negate negativity with lots of exercise during this dreary duo of days–whether you’re working up a sweat at the gym or by bouncing bedsprings, then, welcome the return of your usually awesome attitude on the 17th.

Cancer: With stoic Saturn still retrograde in sexual Scorpio, you won’t feel like getting out of bed but don’t worry, water sign: You’ll get plenty of exercise in it. This planetary position makes you yearn for bedroom basics, meanwhile, so gear up for lots and lots of missionary-style sex. Meanwhile, for the guy signs out there get ready to take your other half–or first date for that matter–to all new levels of erotic excitement, Saturn makes holding back on orgasms easier than Lindsay Lohan after an 8th round of drinks. Concentrate on pleasing your partner carnally, then, next week, let your partner repay the favor.

Leo: Big boy Jupiter in cautious Cancer advises you to hold off on any big plans until a later date. Listen to this inner voice, Leo: It won’t lead you astray. From promising monogamy on a second date, to eloping, to totally over-the-top sexual stuff like an orgy for my ultra-erotic lions out there, this just isn’t the time to escalate ANYTHING. Keep your cool during this carnal carnival by keeping lips zipped–and if you’re single and feel you can’t keep your mouth shut during a date? Reschedule the liaison for a later time, and remember that if you get too horned flying solo, your hand is ultimately gonna be a better partner than someone you just met. In other words, if you can’t fight the feeling for talking big, tell it to the hand…

Virgo: With your ruling planet Mercury in open-minded Aquarius for the first four days of your forecast, you’ll feel like trying something different from the same ol’, same ol’ when you slip between sheets. Since you normally like to call your own sexual shots, shake things up a bit if you’re partnered by letting your other half decide how you’ll bond in bed, then, do EXACTLY what he or she urges to reach an explosive big ‘O.’  If you’re single, expect some internal mixed-signals if you’re getting to know someone during this period: A first or second date that seems perfect may not be once this adventure in eroticism ends on the 18th.

Libra: With your ruling planet Venus in look-ahead Aquarius, you’ll feel volcanic internal pressure to move forward. Only you know whether this translates into advancing your partnership to a new plateau or trying new and different sexual stuff, (though it will probably be both.) Don’t view this as bad news, sign o’ the scales: As long as you’re open and communicative about your goals–whether they’re relationship-oriented or pure raunch–all signs say GO!

Scorpio: When the sensual Moon moves into your ruling sign of Scorpio on the 20th, you’ll feel more confident–both in the sack and beyond it. For my more extroverted scorpions, this translates into an over-the-top exhibitionist phase. On Thursday, you’ll feel like going clothes-free and while this won’t work at, well, work, discard your duds the minute you get home from the 9 to 5 world, to satisfy this prelude to the urge to merge: Walking around with your other while you’re sans pants, top and underwear, will ensure something suddenly pops up. My single scorpions should fight this feeling on first or second dates, however: It won’t last long and since it’s not your standard behavior it could confuse any future f-buddies.

Sagittarius: With anything-goes Uranus in pedal-to-the-metal Aries, you’ll be way more selfish between sheets than you should be for at least the next seven days. If you’re with a passive type who believes it’s better to give than to receive, aim for a solid 68, where he or she pleasures you and you owe ‘em one. If you’re with a sign who expects a sexual balance however, beware this bout of bedroom bullying: It could spell an end to a relationship that could otherwise rock your world.

Capricorn: As Pluto keeps making his way through your ruling sign, count on your carnal nature to pull a U-turn your partner will get off on–multiple times. That’s right, you randy sign of the goat: For the next few days you’ll feel seriously sexual–but you’ll be way more interested in keeping a tally of how many times you can please your partner than yourself. As for my single goats out there? Now’s the time to make your moves on anyone you’re eyeing: This passionate burst increases your already sky-high appeal.

Aquarius: When mental Mercury moves from your ruling sign into uber-passionate Pisces on the 18th, you’ll feel like raunchily running through a checklist of every fantasy you’ve ever had. If you’re paired, increase the odds for these fantasies–and you–to come true by listing the ways to enliven your libido, sharing this with your other half over a couple of drinks, and then working on making the fornicational fictions become reality. If you’re single, luckily, this period ups your odds for an ultra-explict one-nighter WAY higher than Seth Rogen after an evening spent with his favorite weed.

Pisces: An enigmatic Moon in partnership-loving Libra on the 17th, has you ready to commit to that man or woman you just met if you’re dating, or, thinking about hooking up with someone other than your other if you’re taken. My single fishies should delay dates if they feel they can’t delay big plans (since this sudden-love is actually anything but) while partnered Pisces should pick a part of their partner’s anatomy to stick into his or her mouth: It will keep your other half happy as well as keeping you from saying or doing something–or SOMEONE–you shouldn’t.

Here’s to GREAT sex!

Stuart Hazleton

Best Sex Ahead 3/7-3/13

Best Sex Ahead for 3/7-3/13

by

Stuart Hazleton

I wrote the book Sex-Scopes and was a columnist for Cosmopolitan for 5 years.

amazon.com/author/stuarthazleton

Aries: Pluto likes to reinvent things, and as he moves through get-it-over-with-fast Capricorn, be aware that your love-making skills may be a bit lackluster this week, ram-rod. Keep things erotically inventive instead of deadly dull, by snagging a copy of the Kama Sutra, randomly flipping to a page, and making that sexual position come alive with your other half. And for you Aries’ guys out there, beware losing carnal control by blasting off too fast during this over-accomplisher mode: Try thinking about something boring during bed breaks–from baseball stats to bad, box office bombs: Giving your big head two things to think about will give you added control over the smaller one.

Taurus: The Moon leads to mood swings for you, Taurus, when it goes into sometimes-crabby Cancer on the 10th. Fight the urge to critique your other half’s bed-banging skills by concentrating on how to improve YOUR OWN: Focusing on sexually surpassing your own impulses will give this excess of erotic energy a spin that both you and your other half will enjoy.

Gemini: With seminal Saturn retrograde in talkative Gemini, your words work against you this week, sign of the twins. Use your lips, from the 8th on, to intimately express affection in a way that doesn’t involve words–and if you’re single, you’re in a rare phase where dates your friends have helped set up, pan out better than those potential bed buddies you’re trying to line up on your own.

Cancer: With the Moon entering your shy sign from the 10th through the 12th, you’ll feel sublime when you go submissive. Have your other strip and blindfold you, before you sit on a chair, letting her or him do whatever feels right for them. Even if you feel odd at first, if you go with the flow, well, your flow’s gonna go–BIG TIME.

Leo: Jupiter is all about being larger than life, sign-o-the-lion, and as he makes his way through cautious Cancer, make sure you don’t overplay your feelings for the next seven days. This warning holds more true for singles than couples: Jupiter tends to promise a lot–but sometimes not deliver. So, make sure you don’t make any amorous assurances–whether in bed or beyond–that you can’t make come true.

Virgo: Gutsy Jupiter in let’s-play-house Cancer has you wanting to take charge of your other half–both in the bedroom and beyond. Unless you’re locked into life with your plaything, stop short of balancing his or her checkbook to concentrate on getting carnal instead. Your obsessive nature can spin out of orbit–from focusing on your other’s finances to giving WAY too much advice around the 8th–so keep your attention locked on amour–a 2nd or 3rd round of love-making will calm your inner control freak.

Libra: Mindful Mercury in explicit Aquarius has you wanting to call your sexual shots in the same way a sportscaster calls a game. Cut the running commentary for more raunchy talk to make sure your other half doesn’t get bored–and if you’re single, on a first, second or third date, fight the urge to comment on your partner’s sexual skills: There’ll be plenty of time for that once she or he knows you better in bed.

Scorpio: With anything-goes Uranus moving into pedal-to-the-metal Aries, you’re in for marathon love-making sessions on the 8th and the 13th. Look at it this way, sign-of-the-scorpion: With your sexual synergy bubbling this bad, you won’t really care what you’re doing–it’s how often you’re doing it. Everyone has their own record of how many times they’ve hit the big ‘O,’ in one day–on one of these two days, Scorpio, gear up to break YOUR record in a Guiness-style direction.

Sagittarius: The mysterious Moon in mental Gemini from the 7th through the 10th, has you wanting to flip positions between bedcovers. Whether you’re straight, gay or somewhere in between, if you usually take charge, have your other half take the reigns by ordering you around like a sex slave for these 3 days. If you’re usually a pleaser, get ready: For these three days it WON’T be better for you to give than to receive. Shake things up by doing the exact opposite of your usual antics.

Capricon: With dreamy Neptune in playful Pisces, expect an XXX-rated fantasy to be delivered in your dreams sometime while you’re sleeping on the 7th or 8th. This will be a raunchy reminder of something you’ve always wanted to try and with direct–and totally open–communication with your other half, you can make this fantasy come true in the moments before you do.

Aquarius: With Venus in your ruling sign of open-minded Aquarius, you’ll feel the need to breed in some un-circumspect areas. It’s okay to bond on your back porch (figuratively or literally) but when it comes to being more adventurous and getting wild in a public area like a park? Dumb move, Aqua-bot: Unless you want the authorities coming in the seconds before you’re supposed to!

Pisces: With warlike Aries in soft-and-sexy Libra, your Piscean passions are going to run more hot-and-cold than Madonna in menopause. When libido is in 5th gear, you’ll feel like pusing boundaries–from a late night skinny dip to an outta-this-world three-way, but as your lust for love curves back into a more regular range, you may regret some of those amorous activities IF you haven’t discussed them with your other half before putting them into practice. And if she/he is up for the ride? Enjoy it, fishy: You’re in a seriously sexual cycle.

Here’s to GREAT SEX!!!

Stuart Hazleton

 

Love/Sex-Scopes 2/28-3/7 I wrote the book Sex-Scopes ...

Love/Sex-Scopes 2/28-3/7

 

I wrote the book Sex-Scopes and was a Cosmopolitan Columnist for 5 years.

(For your full sexual backstory, read Sex-Scopes by going to the link below. Visit my Facebook writer page at facebook.com/pages/Stuart-Hazleton-Se... and my personal page at facebook.com/profile.php?id=1404468899.)

amazon.com/author/stuarthazleton

 

Aries: Playful Jupiter in sweet-natured Cancer has you just as interested in romance as raunch. Try both, on the nights of the 28th and the 7th, with flowers for your other half before fornication. Some words of warning though, ram: Jupes is all about being BIG so be careful not to break the bank before heading for bed. 

Taurus: Solemn Saturn in sex-oriented Scorpio has you feeling clingy after the 3rd. Be careful not to alienate your mate by demanding too much attention. If you’re with a cautious sign like Cancer or Virgo, take things extra slow or gear up for things to get more out-of-hand than Miley Cyrus on Mollys. Translation? Push things TOO hard, sign-o’-the-bull, and your relationship will end up as done as a well-cooked steak.

Gemini: When the complex Moon moves into your ruling planet of mental Mercury on the 7th, your duality could take a turn, when things get heated between you and your turn-on. Make sure your good twin triumphs by taking a few deep breaths before talking things through. Your reward will be heavy breathing of an altogether different kind!

Cancer: Mysterious Pluto is in take-it-to-the-top Capricorn, which makes you harder to read than  an Algebra 2 book, so, make sure you fully spell out what you’re feeling around the 3rd: Whether you have a new demand about getting busy in bed, or, just want to ask your other’s opinion on something, unless you carefully lay out what you’re REALLY thinking, gear up for a Dallas-style misunderstanding of dumb drama.

Leo: With mental Mercury moving into playful Aquarius on the 1st, you’ll feel like lots of talking, whether you’re sexing it up on sheets, or just chit-chatting. Work out any stuff you’ve been sweating while out of bed, then, turn up the titillating talk while in it.

Virgo: When loving Venus moves into get-it-all Capricorn on the 1st, you’ll have three things on your mind–sex, sex and, well, yeah, more sex. Make sure your partner doesn’t get bored by experimenting with new positions and ideas–from role-playing to a carnal coin toss–where the loser has to give the other a lap dance.

Libra: With the solemn Moon moving into testy Taurus on the 5th, lay low with your lover when it comes to discussions of just about anything–from global warming to something as mind-numbing as that flick, The Great Gatsby. My advice? Lock lips instead: That’s the only thing that won’t spell trouble for you.

Scorpio: With masterful Mars in sensitive Libra this week, scorpion, this mash-up of conflicting natures may make you wonder if you’ve lost your mojo. The truth is you have–but only a bit. If you’re wanting to ask someone out, now isn’t the time–but if you’re wanting to bounce bedsprings? GET AFTER IT!

Sagittarius: With your ruling planet Jupiter in sometimes-too-sensitive Cancer, be careful to go with the flow to get your romantic and sexual glow, instead of misinterpreting your other half around the 4th and 5th: Making a big deal out of what he/she has to say could create more trouble than Justin Bieber on a bender–when you could be getting busy in bed, instead.

Aquarius: When the lovey-dovey Moon moves into take-no-prisoners Aries on the 3rd, gear up for a hard crush if you’re single, or, at least two days of being stuck-in-bed with your mate if you’re taken (and you won’t have the flu!) The good news–whether you’re looking or in love? All signs say GO!

Pisces: You’ll be wanting to take your relationship to another level around the 1st and 2nd, with determined Saturn in big-time Jupiter. Whether this means finally asking your sexy co-worker out for a first date, breaking out erotic oils or wanting to ask about  a word that starts with, “M,” with your significant other is something only you know, though, fishy!!!

 

Here’s to good sex!!!

Stuart Hazleton

Love/Sex-Scopes 2/28-3/7

Love/Sex-Scopes 2/28-3/7

(For your full sexual backstory, read Sex-Scopes by going to the link below.)

amazon.com/author/stuarthazleton

 

Aries: Playful Jupiter in sweet-natured Cancer has you just as interested in romance as raunch. Try both, on the nights of the 28th and the 7th, with flowers for your other half before fornication. Some words of warning though, ram: Jupes is all about being BIG so be careful not to break the bank before heading for bed. 

Taurus: Solemn Saturn in sex-oriented Scorpio has you feeling clingy after the 3rd. Be careful not to alienate your mate by demanding too much attention. If you’re with a cautious sign like Cancer or Virgo, take things extra slow or gear up for things to get more out-of-hand than Miley Cyrus on Mollys. Translation? Push things TOO hard, sign-o’-the-bull, and your relationship will end up as done as a well-cooked steak.

Gemini: When the complex Moon moves into your ruling planet of mental Mercury on the 7th, your duality could take a turn, when things get heated between you and your turn-on. Make sure your good twin triumphs by taking a few deep breaths before talking things through. Your reward will be heavy breathing of an altogether different kind!

Cancer: Mysterious Pluto is in take-it-to-the-top Capricorn, which makes you harder to read than  an Algebra 2 book, so, make sure you fully spell out what you’re feeling around the 3rd: Whether you have a new demand about getting busy in bed, or, just want to ask your other’s opinion on something, unless you carefully lay out what you’re REALLY thinking, gear up for a Dallas-style misunderstanding of dumb drama.

Leo: With mental Mercury moving into playful Aquarius on the 1st, you’ll feel like lots of talking, whether you’re sexing it up on sheets, or just chit-chatting. Work out any stuff you’ve been sweating while out of bed, then, turn up the titillating talk while in it.

Virgo: When loving Venus moves into get-it-all Capricorn on the 1st, you’ll have three things on your mind–sex, sex and, well, yeah, more sex. Make sure your partner doesn’t get bored by experimenting with new positions and ideas–from role-playing to a carnal coin toss–where the loser has to give the other a lap dance.

Libra: With the solemn Moon moving into testy Taurus on the 5th, lay low with your lover when it comes to discussions of just about anything–from global warming to something as mind-numbing as that flick, The Great Gatsby. My advice? Lock lips instead: That’s the only thing that won’t spell trouble for you.

Scorpio: With masterful Mars in sensitive Libra this week, scorpion, this mash-up of conflicting natures may make you wonder if you’ve lost your mojo. The truth is you have–but only a bit. If you’re wanting to ask someone out, now isn’t the time–but if you’re wanting to bounce bedsprings? GET AFTER IT!

Sagittarius: With your ruling planet Jupiter in sometimes-too-sensitive Cancer, be careful to go with the flow to get your romantic and sexual glow, instead of misinterpreting your other half around the 4th and 5th: Making a big deal out of what he/she has to say could create more trouble than Justin Bieber on a bender–when you could be getting busy in bed, instead.

Aquarius: When the lovey-dovey Moon moves into take-no-prisoners Aries on the 3rd, gear up for a hard crush if you’re single, or, at least two days of being stuck-in-bed with your mate if you’re taken (and you won’t have the flu!) The good news–whether you’re looking or in love? All signs say GO!

Pisces: You’ll be wanting to take your relationship to another level around the 1st and 2nd, with determined Saturn in big-time Jupiter. Whether this means finally asking your sexy co-worker out for a first date, breaking out erotic oils or wanting to ask about  a word that starts with, “M,” with your significant other is something only you know, though, fishy!!!

 

Here’s to good sex–and romance!!!

Stuart Hazleton