Stuart Hazleton's Blog: Your Best Sex, page 2

SEX/SOAP, Astrology

I’m back…….(hence, the pic of my back!)

 

Check here for August’s astrology column on the first of next month, the same day SEX/SOAP is due to be released in paperback. Also, get ready: Friend-Scopes is on the way! Last, Amazon has posted the  latest video about SEX/SOAP on my Amazon author page….  amazon.com/author/stuarthazleton

 

Ciao4now!

 

Stuart

SEX/SOAP is here!

SEX/SOAP my X-rated novel about dirty dealings in New York, Hollywood and around the world is here.

 

 

Just log on to Amazon, type in my name, Stuart Hazleton, and SEX/SOAP should be your first choice. Make sure you don’t confuse it with Sex-Scopes, my astrology book. SEX/SOAP is XXX, while Sex-Scopes is just a hard R!

 

Here is the blurb from Amazon…

 

SEX/SOAP is a novel about beautiful people doing not-so-beautiful things that begins in 1967 and spans 46 years. A soap opera for adults, SEX/SOAP takes you from movie sets in Los Angeles, to tornadoes in Oklahoma, to a skyscraper in New York, headquarters for Tempo, a high-powered beauty magazine that plans on taking out its competition in any way possible. In SEX/SOAP, you’ll meet six people. Nomi, the perfect 1960′s housewife–until she decides she wants more out of life than the role dictated to her by society. Elizabeth, Nomi’s best friend, who gives GREAT party–as long as none of her errant husband’s sexual conquests show up. Noreen, a bitter rival to Nomi and Elizabeth, bent on causing their destruction. By the 1970′s, three of their children enter the picture. Roman, a writer at Tempo who has a well-deserved reputation for being difficult, Paige, a movie producer, with so many secrets some are bound to spill out sooner or later, and Kirsten, a powerhouse who plans on taking Tempo magazine to number one. SEX/SOAP is a raunchy, rude adult soap opera–that NEVER fades to black!

Stuart Hazleton was a Cosmopolitan columnist for five years. This is his second book.

 

Best Sex Ahead

by

Stuart Hazleton

I was a Cosmopolitan columnist for 5 years, wrote Sex-Horoscopo en Espanol and Sex-Scopes in English. My work has been

featured in Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle and on Lifetime.

 

(To buy Sex-Horoscopo, en Espanol, or Sex-Scopes, in English, please go to amazon.com/author/stuarthazleton)

My first novel, which covers the years from 1967 to 2013, and touches on everything from free love to Facebook will be released on May 25th. It’s about ten times raunchier than a weekend spent with Charlie Sheen and his favorite Pepsi alternative so gear up for something a lot more explicit than Sex-Scopes, though, this should make for even better bedtime reading. :-)

 

Hola sexy signs! After much-needed encouragement and excellent advice from Brad Harding, Kristi Falconer, Caryn Record-Goodman and Amazon, I’ll be launching a weekly video blog in the next few days. Look for it on my Amazon page by Sunday evening. While I work out the um, er, kinks (me, kinky?) of that, here’s a mucho, mucho quick written summary of your week ahead. I’ll STILL be doing my blogs here, meanwhile, which will return to their usual format as of my next post, though there will be less of them as they co-mingle with the video blogs.

Here we go…

* With smart-guy Mercury still in dual Gemini, ALL signs should count on conflicting desires this week when it comes to dirty dances between sheets. Feel free to quietly read passages from the Kama Sutra by candlelight one minute before dressing as a French maid or butler–sans pants of course–as you enter phase 2. Don’t feel weird about having decidedly different sexual requests with every passing minute: If you came here looking for judgment, you clicked on the wrong link…

* On the 13th, unless you’re Capricorn or Virgo, gear up for a seriously sexual phase when the Moon drifts through sensual Scorpio. Have extra loads of laundry detergent on hand to keep sheets clean if you’re one of the ten other signs, since you’ll be dropping plenty of extra…well, you get where I’m going with this, right? Running against this carnal current, Cappys and signs o’ the virgin will use this as yet another goal-setting scene instead of aiming for bangs in bed. If you’re a sorry soul stuck with one of these two all-about-achievement types, your only way of achieving the uber-sexual satisfaction you’re craving is to get your other’s goal to center around how many big “O’s,” he or she can give you!

*On the 15th, fire signs (Aries, Leo and Sagittarius) get extra love-making prowess courtesy of the teaching asteroid, Chiron. Go with your gut during this fantastic fornicational phase but DO let your lover come up for air once in awhile–even if that does just mean he or she will be going back DOWN before you know it! ;-)

*On the 16th, beware, when the Moon goes into satisfy-me Sagittarius: This will lower the appeal of your existing other–if you have one–or squelch desire with that sex object from school or work you’ve been drooling after. Don’t let horn-ball Jupiter screw up your love life by screwing the wrong person. If you’re still lusting after this person beyond the 18th, however, get ready for soap opera to spill if you’re half of a couple–this crush on someone who’s NOT your better half is going to last at least a few months. 

Here’s to GREAT sex…

Stuart Hazleton

 

 

Best Sex Ahead–May 2nd–May 8th

by

Stuart Hazleton

I wrote the book Sex-Scopes and was a Cosmopolitan Columnist for 5 years.

(For your full sexual back-story, meanwhile, go to the link below to buy Sex-Scopes in English or en Espanol.)

amazon.com/author/stuarthazleton

My first novel, which covers the years from 1967 to 2013, and touches on everything from free love to Facebook, will be released on May 25th.

Aries: With the reflective Moon in dual-natured Gemini until the 4th, be careful overplaying your carnal hand by telling your partner too much between sheets. If you’ve been partnered forever, this won’t be a problem but if you’re in the newer phases of a a relationship, skip that story about how you secretly like to dress in rubber, from head to toe, until your relationship is on firmer ground.

Taurus: Stong-willed Mars is retrograde in loving Venus all week, which makes unnecessary arguments the norm. The good news is that if you take this aggression out erotically, no bad juju will occur–just lots of VERY loud lovemaking.

Gemini: Mental Mercury pulls important behind-the-scenes strings when he heads into your sign, Gemini, on the 8th. With him calling your shots, you’ll feel far more talkative than the norm while bouncing bedsprings–and though these comments might have you blushing in a week, for now, they’ll keep your lovemaking hotter than a Dubai summer.

Cancer: When the Moon moves in to cautious Cancer on the 4th, you may have a few days where you feel your partner has lost interest. Although most of that morbid prediction is just in your head, water sign, you can help fight it by being spontaneous. When you’re at a loss for ideas around the 8th, remind your partner that by sticking something into your mouth, she or he can make this for-shame forecast all better, since it’s not polite to talk with your mouth full in the first place.

Leo: Asteroid Chiron helps you teach your other half–or more temporary bed partner–a sexual skill he, she–or they–have needed some coaching in. This balance between irritating and erotic only lasts in you from the 6th through the 7th so play carnal coach quickly.

Virgo: With visual Venus in passionate Pisces on the 2nd, you’ll feel like watching the action you’re engaging in. So, do just that by having your lover go down on you in front of a mirror while you watch the show. Forget the popcorn as your bark out commands, but remind your lover that replies aren’t cool: This is your time to be setting things on fire.

Libra: With gotta-have-it Mars in lusty Libra this week, you’ll be ripped with the need to have sex with a stranger around the 3rd. If you’re coupled, either fight the urge, or ask your other to consider a three way. If you’re single, remember safe sex, try to remember the one-nighter’s name–and have a great time!

Scorpio: With your super-sexual ruler, Pluto, still staying put in retrograde Capricorn you’ll feel like doing something to recharge your sexual batteries by fooling around with your other’s–or date’s–best ally. Don’t stir up unnecessary drama, scorpion, this feeling will pass by the 7th.

Sagittarius: When Venus moves into go-go-guy, Aries, from the 3rd on, you’ll feel like role playing–with you in the role of the dominator. Whether you opt to  be a pretend stripper or cop, get fully into the role on the 5th for multiple rewards.

Capricorn: Repetitive Mercury has you making the same oral sexual reqest over–and over–and over again this week, Cappy. Let’s face it, whether you’re Captain America or Black Widow, no bed partner–no matter how willing–wants to eat out 24/7. Ask your partner in crime for a wild day on the 4th, but work on keeping them happy for the rest of the week–his or her jaw will thank you.

Aquarius: Asteroid Juno has you wanting to play parent to your bed buddy. If you can keep this super light and relaxed around the 4th, Aqua-bot, with a sexual night where you’re slightly more jaded–and a lot more naughty–than the norm, then go for it. If you find yourself wanting to plan out y0ur partner’s moves beyond a few hours or outside the bedroom, however, check that behavior before it begins.

Pisces: The Moon moves into extravagant Leo on the 4th, which means you’ll be more prone to spend extravagantly than Channing Tatum is to take off his shirt. That’s  not necessarily a bad thing, when done appropriately, fishy, but make sure before you spend any big bucks that you really adore the person you’re spending the bucks on. Otherwise, around the 3rd, spend any extra money on yourself–or, better yet–bank it.

Here’s to GREAT sex!

–Stuart Hazleton

Visit my Facebook page at facebook.com/profile.php?id=1404468899

Best Sex Ahead–April 25th–May 1st

by

Stuart Hazleton

I wrote the book Sex-Scopes and was a Cosmopolitan Columnist for 5 years.

(For your full sexual back-story, meanwhile, go to the link below to buy Sex-Scopes in English or en Espanol.)

amazon.com/author/stuarthazleton

My first novel will be released on May 25th.

Aries: The Moon is basically all about romance while Pisces can sometimes be, well, a bit more confused than Paris Hilton in science class (No, Paris; Beverly Hills isn’t the center of the actual universe–just yours). So when the Moon transits through somewhat-fishy libido-land, count on more mounting mis-steps than a jockey’s first day on the job. If you’re taken, this is no big deal: Let your partner take the reigns of raunch to get through this rough patch of not-so-tough ram-ability. For my single fire signs facing a second or third date, however, opt for romance instead of raunch: You don’t want your partner thinking this is your normal range of bang-ability. Luckily this doesn’t last longer than a winning movie hand for Lindsay Lohan, so just sweat the small sexual stuff from the 25th through the 26th.

Taurus: Now isn’t the time to be thinking about long-term love or lust plans, earth sign: With serious Saturn retrograde in ultra-ambitious Capricorn, if anything can go wrong, it will–and the more planning you engage in, the worse your evening or erotic event will be. Fight this by being spontaneous, earth sign, and although plotting your future is a favorite past time of bulls, anything beyond impromptu eroticism is gonna end up more confused than a muscleman at an S.A.T. test (and nope, Mr. Hot-Body–these tests aren’t just on Saturdays).

Gemini: When the Moon moves into your ruling sign on May 1st, be prepared for your wham-bam twin to take a breather, giving your sweet-natured side full reign. Enjoy this erotic burst of balling (or lesbian lust) by taking sex E-X-T-R-E-M-E-L-Y slowly. For the young male Gems out there, if you feel you’re about to blast off too soon, prolong the erotic moment by going down on your partner but forget 69′ing: You won’t last very long this way either. Opting for a solid 68, instead, where you pleasure your other, should do the trick (literally AND figuratively)–and your partner in crime can always repay the favor later in the week.

Cancer: With mental Mercury in sweet-natured Taurus, you’ll feel cheesier for most of the week than an 80′s slasher flick. For guys, this is a period where you’ll feel like writing love letters (a smooth move if done well) or declaring your eternal love on a first date (a dumber idea than Titanic II). For my chica Cancers, instead of just expecting flowers and romance, gift your mate with a bouquet for both of you. Once your partner gets home, peel off some rose petals to place on your erogenous zones: As long as they’re well-washed, those rips of rose should taste ALMOST as good as you do!

Leo: As the sensual Moon rockets through me-so-horny Aries from the 27th through the 28th, prepare to lay low–since all you’ll want to be doing is getting laid. My taken lions should bolt the doors, bar the windows and contemplate calling in sick on Monday: You’ll be that geared up to give f***king your full attention. My single lions should remember what I said about laying low though: If you can’t get banged without b.s., you’ll probably opt for a lie to increase the odds for an awe-inspiring “O.” I’m not here to be your judge and jury, lion-heart, but, if you think you won’t feel guilt at gilding lilies for lust, make sure you at least get the full bang for your buck.

Virgo: Jupiter has a bigger ego than Madonna, and while he parks in romantic Cancer, you’ll feel like basking in the glow of carnal compliments from your mate or one nighter. The down-side to this, Virgo? If you don’t say anything positive in return, count on any sexual sessions to be short-lived–and, eventually, solo. Unless you prefer ending an evening with just your hand, earth sign, break this horizontal hex: You’re good at detecting details, so, on the 28th, send the object of your affection (or just erection) a phone text listing all the things you love about him or her.

Libra: As daughter of Jupiter, asteroid Athena loves the hunt a lot more than the feast that comes after. This is exactly what you’ll be up against this week, Libra, because whether you’re married, engaged, dating or solidly single–you’re going to be majorly attracted to someone who couldn’t be less appropriate. Trust me, air sign: Acting on this odd behavioral urge to merge won’t bring happiness: Before the deed is done, you’ll be full of major regret, so, at least until the 29th, keep your pants–and lips–zipped.

Scorpio: Asteroid Chiron is a great teacher, and, with him calling your sexual shots this week, scorpion, you’ll learn some stunning new ways to sting your partner–in all the best ways. This is a period of intense listening–with you absorbing all the erotic energy your other, first date or one-nighter has to offer–but don’t worry, Scorp: Enacting this erotic energy will leave you both feeling fab. Some words of advice though, you sign of sex: Listen well, but make your moves before the 29th to ensure your bed gets the bang–while you buck.

Sagittarius: As serious Saturn goes retrograde in sexual Scorpio, count on something unusual while you’re making love–especially between the 26th and 27th. This unexpected bit of good news probably has something to do with your partner suddenly deciding to give in on something you’ve been begging for for quite a long time. Three words of advice, Sagi: Enjoy the ride. From finally experimenting with a three way to your other half going full-on-dominatrix/dominator, this burst of fantastic bed-bopping won’t last much longer than you do.

Capricorn: While the moody Moon moves into clingy Taurus, grab this bull by the horns by fighting jealousy with your naturally keen intellect. Tell yourself in advance, whether you’re aiming for the big, “M,” with a long time partner, or,  just setting yourself up for an awesome first date–something between the 29th and 30th, will make you feel as if you’re being ignored. First lesson, goat-boy or girl: That nonsense is all in your head. Second lesson, Cappy: Of all the signs, you’re the least attractive when you reveal envy, so, let this burst of bad behavior show and get ready to bunk alone.

Aquarius: Dreamy Neptune has you wanting to discover a bit more about your significant other’s sexual slants after the 30th. The best way to get a direct answer to this carnal question, that some signs may find embarrassing, is to ask about it in the drowsy moments before you both fall asleep on the 27th. Meanwhile, stop sweating, Aqua-bot: The sexy scenario your partner outlines around this time, won’t be something that shocks you–but it will leave both of you UP for further exploration.

Pisces: Asteroid Ceres has you wanting to play house on the 25th–but with a deliciously sexual slant. On the 26th, surprise your other half or date with a meal you’ve cooked wearing only an apron, to ensure playing house leads to other forms of play. Be careful though, fishy: This isn’t the time to make bacon unless you want some burnt balls or overly pink parts.

Here’s to GREAT sex!

–Stuart Hazleton

Visit my Facebook page at facebook.com/profile.php?id=1404468899

Cut Week!

Sorry all, but after my thigh accidentally

made a deep friendship with a shard of glass,

I won’t be writing my column this week.

The column WILL be back on its legs (along with me!) this Friday.

‘Til then, sweet dreams…

–Stuart Hazleton

Best Sex Ahead–April 11th–April 17th

by

Stuart Hazleton

I wrote the book Sex-Scopes and was a Cosmopolitan Columnist for 5 years.

(For your full sexual back-story, meanwhile, go to the link below to buy Sex-Scopes in English or en Espanol.)

amazon.com/author/stuarthazleton

My first novel will be released on May 25th.

Aries: With Saturn retrograde in Scorpio, sex fantasies move from fun to filthy. Motivate your inner Marquis de Sade, by taking turns tying each other up on the 17th, then timing yourselves as you indulge in some serious tickling–whichever half of your partnership giggles first, has to satisfy every sexual demand the other requests. Remember too, that the raunchier the request, the happier your inner ram will be. Now, it’s time to stop setting imaginary sexual stagings, ram, and go for the real thing. In other words, stop strutting–and start rutting.

Taurus: With macho Mars going retrograde in loving Venus, count on a late-night argument around the 11th or 12th. Avoid this wanton waste of erotic energy by experimenting with new–and naughty–sexual exchanges. My bonded bulls should prepare a sumptuous, high cal feast on his or her other half–with ice cream smeared around erogenous zones and chocolate syrup in your bed-buddy’s belly button for some libidinous licking–then, when you’re done with those appetizers, indulge in the main course, by mouthing those parts of your partner that have gone hard as the ice cream went soft. For my single earth signs, avoid 2nd dates during this trying period when 2nd impressions suck harder than Hollywood hookers.

Gemini: Anything-goes Aquarius has you viewing voyeurism as a lotto ticket that leaves your love and libido as winners. Although you might be right on the second scenario, Gem, remember that, if you’re in a relationship, sexual stuff like this may eventually decrease affection for your other half. If you can handle it, however, kick back for an amazingly visual adventure as you watch your other get down with someone other than you this Sunday! (Have an honest dialogue between your inner-twins first, though: What one half finds erotic, the other side may find icky.) For my single Geminis, this is a great time for exploration. Just make sure whoever you’re watching woo another–as your hands make the 13th your own personal hump day–comes armed with all the assorted goodies that keep STDs at bay. On second thought, you can skip any possibility of scary scenarios by pleasing your partner with an array of erotic toys–and watching the action unfold!

Cancer: The magical Moon in super-sexual Scorpio on the 16th and 17th, has you more romantic than the norm. The down side? (And truth be told, if you’re naughty this week, crabby, there’ll be LOTS of going down! :-)) So, let’s be honest and just call this bad news instead. Whether you’re a crab, who’s nabbed, or a still-solitary sign, you’ll be crushing HARD on two cuties. If you’re taken, giving in to this carnal curse could spell the end to your erotic partnership–but if you’re a single crab? Cruise this carnal cornucopia before the banquet is laid away–if you wanna get laid, that is…

Leo: Perverse Pluto has an on again/off again fornicational  frenemy returning from your past to wreak havoc between the 11th and 14th. If you’re single, count on this gutless guy or girl to seek an oh-so-temporary spot between sheets in a misguided attempt to boost his or her sexual self-esteem. If you’re half of  a duo, however, your forecast is decidedly worse: This thrills-and-chills seeker will do almost anything to come between you and your bed buddy. Avoid this eros-ending situation by remaining in bed, with your lips locked with your lover’s for these all-important four days: If you come up for air by heading away from bed, you’ll give this jerk (or jerk-off, depending on your perspective) the opportunity to create carnal chaos.

Virgo: On April 15th, the taxman isn’t the only bit of eternity you’ll need to be eyeing. It’s also the time of the Blood Moon, which activates a key part of your hunt-or-harvest nature. Normally, you’re all about cultivating sexual stuff for the long term, but this B.M. will be anything but smooth: It ups odds you’ll want to lengthen your list of lovers, whether you’re all alone or a happy part of a couple. Instead of bedding buddies you’ll almost instantly regret, you can satisfy this explosion of nooky-neediness with lots of sex–and when your partner becomes too exhausted for round 11? Well, that’s what hands are for, right, Virgo?

Libra: The mournful Moon in sometimes naive Virgo (sign-o’-the-virgin, my ASS) has you crushing on someone vividly inappropriate on the 11th, 12th and 13th. Whether this bed buddy is your boss, co-worker, or classmate, understand in advance, Libra, that getting this guy or girl to bop heads (and other body parts) with you isn’t the problem: It’ll be the morning after blues you face that f*** you up–and from dealing with an angry other to getting pink slipped from your 9 to 5, world, the consequences just aren’t worth the momentary blast in libido and lust (among other things that will blast off). If this is a sexual situation you simply can’t say, “No,” to, set up a date for some time after the 20th with this girl or boy-toy: By then, this hormonal hump of horniness should die down to more manageable levels.

Scorpio: With nocturnal Neptune in dreamy Pisces this month, there’ll only be a thin wall between fiction and friction. Expect LOTS of erotic dreams during this period of sexual self discovery–and although you won’t want to make all of these nocturnal emissions come as true as you do, you’ll want to enact enough that you should keep a bottle of lube bedside for whenever you wake. Want a few last words of erotic advice, sign-o’-the-scorpion? When you wake up at three in the morning, ready to thrust, begin by brushing your teeth: If your bed-bangs begin with breath that smells like that of a dragon, your partner-in-playtime won’t be left braggin’…

Sagittarius: Vengeful Venus  has you busted between the 16th and 17th, when your other–or just the object of your affection and/or erection–discovers evidence of carnal desires on  your comp that you’d rather keep hidden. Whether this is something minor like my hetero-guys getting gutted when your other half realizes you’ve got a major thing for blondes (while she’s brunette)–or something far more intense, like your partner, or just temporary partner-in-crime, realizing you have a bi-side you’ve kept on the sly, you have two options here, fire sign: First, try being honest–you’ll be amazed at the fun things being open about amour can lead to, or, second, remember that ‘incognito,’ button on Google Chrome or ‘erase history,’ on other browsers. Prevention WILL delete attention.

Capricorn: Asteroid Chiron has you yearning for a change of sexual scenery on the 12th. Stop being so damned P.C., my goat-guys-and-girls–by aiming to get your groove on in the great outdoors during this explosion of erotic energy. Another option? Opt for a stay in a penthouse suite of your favorite hotel this Saturday–then, leave those sheer curtains to your suite shut (as in see-through!) as you leave the heavier fabrics open and out of the way: This way, if you’re busted, it’ll be by your beau–or better half–instead of carnally-crazed cops–although ANYONE who sits in witness behind binoculars to this bedded bliss, will know your shadows are up to something seriously sexual.

Aquarius: The romantic Moon in let’s-make-love Libra on the 14th and 15th, lays groundwork for an amazingly awesome first date for my single air signs, or, the ultimate time for a love-life reinvention for my coupled Aqua-bots. If you’re in the first category, plan out an ultimate evening–with dinner at an out-of-the-norm restaurant, chilled champagne and libido-boosters like oysters. And if your love life falls in the latter half? This is the time to tell your partner about a sexual secret your soul has always felt too bare to share: This planetary combo will turn this taboo but titillating subject–from discussion of a three-way to a more, um, er, back-door experience–into a never-catty chat, that’s way more easy than Charlie Sheen after a 6-pack of his hired “leading ladies.”

Pisces: With mental Mercury in wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am-(or-Sam) Aries all week, warrior-like words may come much faster than you ever will. See, fishy, Mercury is in charge of talk, and Aries/Mars tends to unearth your pissy side as well as your passionate streak. This isn’t all gloom-and-doom, though, water sign: Get through this gutsy-phase with a dangerous-exchange of deliciously dirty dialogue on the 12th and 16th: Heated talk will eliminate the need for electric blankets–and–as long as you’re careful to keep this burst of bossiness in safely fictional fornication territory by reminding your other, or one-nighter, that this burst of bad-boy–or girl–behavior is just fun-and-games, instead of you having to face the big, ‘A,’ as in arguments, you’ll move toward much more fulfilling O’s and “Ohhhhh’s!”

Here’s to GREAT sex!

–Stuart Hazleton

Visit my Facebook page at facebook.com/profile.php?id=1404468899

With Mars retrograde in Libra, you’ll need to come clean on all things carnal this week.

I guess that’s what I’m doing here– but why the hell am I wearing a swimsuit in the shower?

Best Sex Ahead

April 4th-April 10th

by

Stuart Hazleton

I wrote the book Sex-Scopes and was a Cosmopolitan Columnist for 5 years.

(For your full sexual back-story, meanwhile, go to the link below to buy Sex-Scopes in English or en Espanol.)

amazon.com/author/stuarthazleton

My first novel will be released on May 25th. If you’re looking for strong, smart women and deliciously hot hunks, doing pretty much everything imaginable, this book will keep you up–as well as other things–for some late-night, raunchy reading!

 

Aries: Asteroid Ceres has you seriously sexual from the 8th on. Encourage your inner ram to rut by visually recording your first round of raunch. Then, replay that powerful pounding or libidinous licking on your TV or projector as you indulge in an erotic 2nd round: It’ll kinda feel like a four-way, minus the embarrassment of saying adios to erotic partners you’ll never want to see again!

Taurus: As the mournful Moon moves into often-clingy Cancer on the 6th, you’ll want to argue with your other when she or he wants something sexual YOU view as out of the norm–even though other signs rarely view this erotic action as odd. Stop being so stubborn, Taurus, and forgo oral arguments for oral action of a carnal kind. If you don’t, your bed-banging buddy’s frustration will lead to a decidedly different fornicational request–that you definitely will find hard to swallow…

Gemini: With your ruling planet, mental Mercury, moving through playful Pisces on the 6th, both of your sexual sides will want to come out to play–with totally different ideas about each halves’ favored forms of f***ing. Let both your twins win on the 4th: Go for basic, missionary style sex first, to satisfy your goody-two-shoes side, then, free your inner, dirty dude or dudette by going the dominatrix/dominator route. This way, both your twins will be titillated–and your other will enjoy getting to bang two totally different types.

Cancer: With va-voom Venus in open-minded Aquarius on the 4th and 5th, you’ll feel like making a laundry list of love-making requests. Since this hump-and-pump phase falls on the weekend, do just that: Write down everything you’re wanting between sheets on a list for your lover to discover when she or he gets home from work or school, to erect desires–among other things. Don’t sweat this overly sexual phase, water sign: Get it while the getting is good, because, from the 6th on, you’ll be moving into a majorly dry spell when it comes to all things that are deliciously dirty.

Leo: Mounting Mars in loving Libra has you wanting to try things you–or your lover–might not be ready for from the 8th on. I’m talking about over-the-top erotic antics–from three-ways to even orgies. First off, sign-o’-the-lion, if you aim for this kind of love fest, keep sex safe with rubbers or dental dams: Sexual diseases suck far harder than any erotic act. Second, realize that only certain personality types–and signs–can handle such extreme eroticism, so, make sure you and your other are ready for sexual stuff like this through open and honest, adult conversation, to um,er…prime the pump: There’s no shame in drawing the line when it comes to bumping uglies with someone other than your other.

Virgo: Past-perfect Pluto in carnal Capricorn has you fixated on a lover who left you long ago. Whether you’re single or taken, realize that this libidinous lust is storytelling on your part, earth sign: You’re erasing all the bad stuff about this sex-ex as you increase everything good to completely fictional levels. Realize that although momentarily you may want your current partner less, these mounting memories are complete–and utter–bullshit. DON’T make the mistake of sexting, texting or drunk-dialing this mounting memory from the old days: Let the past stay just that.

Libra: Slinky Saturn in sexual Scorpio has you even more visual than you already are. Let your loving-Libran freak flag fly high with a late-night viewing of porn with your other half–or one-nighter–on the 4th. Surprise your sex partner by saying you’ll watch Frozen but then slip something far more sexual into your blu-ray player. You may not get to watch Disney’s delightful, ice-cold musical, but I promise you Libra–something is still going to get very, very stiff.

Scorpio: Understanding Uranus in let’s-ram Aries has you all about getting to know–and understand–your bed buddy’s inner fantasies on the 5th. Be honest as you analyze your other half’s horizontal wants and needs, then, give him or her exactly what’s requested. Some words of warning, though, scorpion: Jealousy tends to often rear its ugly head in you–and that’s NOT the type of head you should be honoring with this erotic indulgence.

Sagittarius: The romantic moon in two-toned Gemini on the 4th and 5th, has you wanting to flip-flop during sexual sambas. Satisfy this yearning for sexual twists and turning by you deciding Friday’s fornication game plan, then, have your erotic other half come up with hot, humping ideas for Saturday: Satisfying this conflict of carnal urges will make your inner Sagi-guy or girl grin.

Capricorn: The rhythmic Moon in let’s-make love Leo makes tempo spice up your sex life on the 9th and 10th. For you young ‘uns out there, opt for some Miley: Her hot beats will warm both your forms. And for my old-school addicts? Opt for Prince, Sheila E., INXS or The Doors to increase the pump in your passion.

Aquarius: The asteroid Chiron brings out the crankiness in your inner Aqua-bot, making you want to withhold sex from your other half as a not-so-smooth sexual move early in the week’s forecast. Luckily, this period only lasts from the 5th through the 7th, so, if you can’t force yourself to fornicate to please your partner, at least make like the Titanic and go down.

Pisces: With sometimes vengeful-Venus moving through your home-base of Pisces on the 6th, count on carnal confusion when it comes to sex. You’ll THINK your bed buddy is bopping someone else around this time, but stop sweating, fishy, because you’re dead wrong. To soothe your frazzled nerves during this time, focus on LOTS of sex, with your passion-partner on top, taking charge and dominating all that you do: A satisfied Pisces is a flopping fish!

Here’s to GREAT sex!

–Stuart Hazleton

Visit my Facebook page at facebook.com/profile.php?id=1404468899

Best Sex Ahead—-April 4th through April 10th

by

Stuart Hazleton

I wrote the book Sex-Scopes and was a Cosmopolitan Columnist for 5 years.

(For your full sexual back-story, meanwhile, go to the link below to buy Sex-Scopes in English or en Espanol.)

amazon.com/author/stuarthazleton

My first novel will be released on May 25th. If you’re looking for strong, smart women and deliciously hot hunks, doing pretty much everything imaginable, this book will keep you up–as well as other things–for some late-night, raunchy reading!

 

Aries: Asteroid Ceres has you seriously sexual from the 8th on. Encourage your inner ram to rut by visually recording your first round of raunch. Then, replay that powerful pounding or libidinous licking on your TV or projector as you indulge in an erotic 2nd round: It’ll kinda feel like a four-way, minus the embarrassment of saying adios to erotic partners you’ll never want to see again!

Taurus: As the mournful Moon moves into often-clingy Cancer on the 6th, you’ll want to argue with your other when she or he wants something sexual YOU view as out of the norm–even though other signs rarely view this erotic action as odd. Stop being so stubborn, Taurus, and forgo oral arguments for oral action of a carnal kind. If you don’t, your bed-banging buddy’s frustration will lead to a decidedly different fornicational request–that you definitely will find hard to swallow…

Gemini: With your ruling planet, mental Mercury, moving through playful Pisces on the 6th, both of your sexual sides will want to come out to play–with totally different ideas about each halves’ favored forms of f***ing. Let both your twins win on the 4th: Go for basic, missionary style sex first, to satisfy your goody-two-shoes side, then, free your inner, dirty dude or dudette by going the dominatrix/dominator route. This way, both your twins will be titillated–and your other will enjoy getting to bang two totally different types.

Cancer: With va-voom Venus in open-minded Aquarius on the 4th and 5th, you’ll feel like making a laundry list of love-making requests. Since this hump-and-pump phase falls on the weekend, do just that: Write down everything you’re wanting between sheets on a list for your lover to discover when she or he gets home from work or school, to erect desires–among other things. Don’t sweat this overly sexual phase, water sign: Get it while the getting is good, because, from the 6th on, you’ll be moving into a majorly dry spell when it comes to all things that are deliciously dirty.

Leo: Mounting Mars in loving Libra has you wanting to try things you–or your lover–might not be ready for from the 8th on. I’m talking about over-the-top erotic antics–from three-ways to even orgies. First off, sign-o’-the-lion, if you aim for this kind of love fest, keep sex safe with rubbers or dental dams: Sexual diseases suck far harder than any erotic act. Second, realize that only certain personality types–and signs–can handle such extreme eroticism, so, make sure you and your other are ready for sexual stuff like this through open and honest, adult conversation, to um,er…prime the pump: There’s no shame in drawing the line when it comes to bumping uglies with someone other than your other.

Virgo: Past-perfect Pluto in carnal Capricorn has you fixated on a lover who left you long ago. Whether you’re single or taken, realize that this libidinous lust is storytelling on your part, earth sign: You’re erasing all the bad stuff about this sex-ex as you increase everything good to completely fictional levels. Realize that although momentarily you may want your current partner less, these mounting memories are complete–and utter–bullshit. DON’T make the mistake of sexting, texting or drunk-dialing this mounting memory from the old days: Let the past stay just that.

Libra: Slinky Saturn in sexual Scorpio has you even more visual than you already are. Let your loving-Libran freak flag fly high with a late-night viewing of porn with your other half–or one-nighter–on the 4th. Surprise your sex partner by saying you’ll watch Frozen but then slip something far more sexual into your blu-ray player. You may not get to watch Disney’s delightful, ice-cold musical, but I promise you Libra–something is still going to get very, very stiff.

Scorpio: Understanding Uranus in let’s-ram Aries has you all about getting to know–and understand–your bed buddy’s inner fantasies on the 5th. Be honest as you analyze your other half’s horizontal wants and needs, then, give him or her exactly what’s requested. Some words of warning, though, scorpion: Jealousy tends to often rear its ugly head in you–and that’s NOT the type of head you should be honoring with this erotic indulgence.

Sagittarius: The romantic moon in two-toned Gemini on the 4th and 5th, has you wanting to flip-flop during sexual sambas. Satisfy this yearning for sexual twists and turning by you deciding Friday’s fornication game plan, then, have your erotic other half come up with hot, humping ideas for Saturday: Satisfying this conflict of carnal urges will make your inner Sagi-guy or girl grin.

Capricorn: The rhythmic Moon in let’s-make love Leo makes tempo spice up your sex life on the 9th and 10th. For you young ‘uns out there, opt for some Miley: Her hot beats will warm both your forms. And for my old-school addicts? Opt for Prince, Sheila E., INXS or The Doors to increase the pump in your passion.

Aquarius: The asteroid Chiron brings out the crankiness in your inner Aqua-bot, making you want to withhold sex from your other half as a not-so-smooth sexual move early in the week’s forecast. Luckily, this period only lasts from the 5th through the 7th, so, if you can’t force yourself to fornicate to please your partner, at least make like the Titanic and go down.

Pisces: With sometimes vengeful-Venus moving through your home-base of Pisces on the 6th, count on carnal confusion when it comes to sex. You’ll THINK your bed buddy is bopping someone else around this time, but stop sweating, fishy, because you’re dead wrong. To soothe your frazzled nerves during this time, focus on LOTS of sex, with your passion-partner on top, taking charge and dominating all that you do: A satisfied Pisces is a flopping fish!

Here’s to GREAT sex!

–Stuart Hazleton

Visit my Facebook page at facebook.com/profile.php?id=1404468899

Best Sex Ahead: April 4th–April 10th

by

Stuart Hazleton

I wrote the book Sex-Scopes and was a Cosmopolitan Columnist for 5 years.

(For your full sexual back-story, meanwhile, go to the link below to buy Sex-Scopes in English or en Espanol.)

amazon.com/author/stuarthazleton

My first novel will be released on May 25th. If you’re looking for strong, smart women and deliciously hot hunks, doing pretty much everything imaginable, this book will keep you up–as well as other things–for some late-night, raunchy reading!

 

Aries: Asteroid Ceres has you seriously sexual from the 8th on. Encourage your inner ram to rut by visually recording your first round of raunch. Then, replay that powerful pounding or libidinous licking on your TV or projector as you indulge in an erotic 2nd round: It’ll kinda feel like a four-way, minus the embarrassment of saying adios to erotic partners you’ll never want to see again!

Taurus: As the mournful Moon moves into often-clingy Cancer on the 6th, you’ll want to argue with your other when she or he wants something sexual YOU view as out of the norm–even though other signs rarely view this erotic action as odd. Stop being so stubborn, Taurus, and forgo oral arguments for oral action of a carnal kind. If you don’t, your bed-banging buddy’s frustration will lead to a decidedly different fornicational request–that you definitely will find hard to swallow…

Gemini: With your ruling planet, mental Mercury, moving through playful Pisces on the 6th, both of your sexual sides will want to come out to play–with totally different ideas about each halves’ favored forms of f***ing. Let both your twins win on the 4th: Go for basic, missionary style sex first, to satisfy your goody-two-shoes side, then, free your inner, dirty dude or dudette by going the dominatrix/dominator route. This way, both your twins will be titillated–and your other will enjoy getting to bang two totally different types.

Cancer: With va-voom Venus in open-minded Aquarius on the 4th and 5th, you’ll feel like making a laundry list of love-making requests. Since this hump-and-pump phase falls on the weekend, do just that: Write down everything you’re wanting between sheets on a list for your lover to discover when she or he gets home from work or school, to erect desires–among other things. Don’t sweat this overly sexual phase, water sign: Get it while the getting is good, because, from the 6th on, you’ll be moving into a majorly dry spell when it comes to all things that are deliciously dirty.

Leo: Mounting Mars in loving Libra has you wanting to try things you–or your lover–might not be ready for from the 8th on. I’m talking about over-the-top erotic antics–from three-ways to even orgies. First off, sign-o’-the-lion, if you aim for this kind of love fest, keep sex safe with rubbers or dental dams: Sexual diseases suck far harder than any erotic act. Second, realize that only certain personality types–and signs–can handle such extreme eroticism, so, make sure you and your other are ready for sexual stuff like this through open and honest, adult conversation, to um,er…prime the pump: There’s no shame in drawing the line when it comes to bumping uglies with someone other than your other.

Virgo: Past-perfect Pluto in carnal Capricorn has you fixated on a lover who left you long ago. Whether you’re single or taken, realize that this libidinous lust is storytelling on your part, earth sign: You’re erasing all the bad stuff about this sex-ex as you increase everything good to completely fictional levels. Realize that although momentarily you may want your current partner less, these mounting memories are complete–and utter–bullshit. DON’T make the mistake of sexting, texting or drunk-dialing this mounting memory from the old days: Let the past stay just that.

Libra: Slinky Saturn in sexual Scorpio has you even more visual than you already are. Let your loving-Libran freak flag fly high with a late-night viewing of porn with your other half–or one-nighter–on the 4th. Surprise your sex partner by saying you’ll watch Frozen but then slip something far more sexual into your blu-ray player. You may not get to watch Disney’s delightful, ice-cold musical, but I promise you Libra–something is still going to get very, very stiff.

Scorpio: Understanding Uranus in let’s-ram Aries has you all about getting to know–and understand–your bed buddy’s inner fantasies on the 5th. Be honest as you analyze your other half’s horizontal wants and needs, then, give him or her exactly what’s requested. Some words of warning, though, scorpion: Jealousy tends to often rear its ugly head in you–and that’s NOT the type of head you should be honoring with this erotic indulgence.

Sagittarius: The romantic moon in two-toned Gemini on the 4th and 5th, has you wanting to flip-flop during sexual sambas. Satisfy this yearning for sexual twists and turning by you deciding Friday’s fornication game plan, then, have your erotic other half come up with hot, humping ideas for Saturday: Satisfying this conflict of carnal urges will make your inner Sagi-guy or girl grin.

Capricorn: The rhythmic Moon in let’s-make love Leo makes tempo spice up your sex life on the 9th and 10th. For you young ‘uns out there, opt for some Miley: Her hot beats will warm both your forms. And for my old-school addicts? Opt for Prince, Sheila E., INXS or The Doors to increase the pump in your passion.

Aquarius: The asteroid Chiron brings out the crankiness in your inner Aqua-bot, making you want to withhold sex from your other half as a not-so-smooth sexual move early in the week’s forecast. Luckily, this period only lasts from the 5th through the 7th, so, if you can’t force yourself to fornicate to please your partner, at least make like the Titanic and go down.

Pisces: With sometimes vengeful-Venus moving through your home-base of Pisces on the 6th, count on carnal confusion when it comes to sex. You’ll THINK your bed buddy is bopping someone else around this time, but stop sweating, fishy, because you’re dead wrong. To soothe your frazzled nerves during this time, focus on LOTS of sex, with your passion-partner on top, taking charge and dominating all that you do: A satisfied Pisces is a flopping fish!

Here’s to GREAT sex!

–Stuart Hazleton

Visit my Facebook page at facebook.com/profile.php?id=1404468899