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The Authentic Milspouse: A Collection from your Favorite Milbloggers!

One of my goals as I navigate military life is to be an authentic military spouse. And every year I choose a word to motivate and push me toward my ideal life. I have been inspired by gratitude, balance, strength and last year I even wrote about Focus and the power that word had for me. Fellow military spouse Jennifer Pilcher of Military One Click also chooses a word and talks about it in a recent piece titled Entrepreneur Resolutions. But what I love most about what she shared isn’t the word, but more the spirit in which she talks about how she came up with it. Raw, real and authentic. And that’s what we have today, posts from some of the top milbloggers who are the epitome the authentic military wife and share from the heart.

Before I get into the meat of the post, I wanted to share that this year my word is: GROWTH. Growth personally and professionally. Growth in the logistics as well as the emotional side of my life. Growth so I can truly be an authentic milspouse. This whole concept of growth gets me excited and terrified all at the same time – because I know from experience that growth isn’t always easy. And then the ego side gets all caught up in my body image issues saying as long as my butt doesn’t continue to grow….

Truth be told I really struggled to choose a word this year. I wanted something powerful and easy while at the same time inspiring and focused. And when I finally narrowed it down to a choice between authentic and growth I decided to enlist some help so I could choose and spoke with a friend about it. After listening to my thoughts – and insecurities around choosing a word that could potentially grow the size of my pants, she politely told me that choosing authentic was like taking a free pass. (Note to self: “You are grateful when your friends challenge you to be stronger”). So Growth it was.

But in true Judy form, I couldn’t just leave it at that. I still wondered why authentic had such a huge draw for me, and after doing some digging, I realized it boiled down to the fact that lately authenticity seems to be missing in my relationships, and especially in our military community. For far to long we have covered up our feelings, fears and insecurities because as spouses we are supposed to be strong. We are taught to suck it up and fake it til you make it. We are told to put on a brave face and put it out there that our lives and businesses are running smoothly – even when that’s far from the truth. But how does that do any of us any good?

It is a double-edged sword really – because if you are authentic, people can see you as weak or worse – the dreaded “dependopatamus”. But if you act strong but inside are feeling anything but, your mental and physical health will suffer. The reality is that we are all strong and weak, independent and dependent, authentic and fake. We are all – depending on the day – amazing military spouses or broken human beings who are not managing our lives very well. And guess what…

It’s OK…

In fact if we were authentic – I mean really raw and real – I know we’d be better off. How do I know this? Because over and over again I’m shown that is what ya’ll want. You respond, comment and share the writings, tweets, and posts that are authentic, vulnerable and relevant to your REAL life. So I thought I’d pull together some of my favorite raw, sassy, spirited and heartfelt quotes and posts that have caused a stir, raised an eyebrow or addressed a touchy or meaningful subject.

Authentic Milspouse: Raw & Real posts from some incredible military spouse writers.

Elizabeth from the Reluctant Landlord discusses a topic we all would rather ignore and shares real and by the numbers information on death benefits and the financial impact you will experience. Read the full post here

Susan Reynolds give some pretty great advice to a child with a learning disability. “Learn to embrace your difference.  Thinking and learning differently is a gift” Read the full post here

Jo, My Gosh shares some of the realities about how tough life can be when you are a military service members’ significant other. From fidelity to confidence learn the 5 reasons why you shouldn’t date someone in the military. Read the full post here 

Heather from Only Passionate Curiosity gets real about breastfeeding: “You see, we do women a huge disservice by not talking about how hard this can be. If we don’t talk about the things that can go wrong, and wear you out, and make you want to quit, how in the world are we going to support mothers and help them continue nursing?” Read the full post here

Kristen of If the Saddle Fits talks about body shaming and the importance of “doing it anyway” in this beautiful raw and open post. FYI,  Mean girls isn’t just a high school thing. Read the full post here

T.T. Robinson gets real in this post sharing the guts of how we all feel at times during a deployment “I stared at the phone in disbelief. How are we supposed to stay connected, when I feel anything but?” Read the full post here

NextGenMilspouses gets to the core of what we all need to know when it comes to sending “those” pics to our service members! This is as transparent as it gets Read the full post here

Ariel from PMQ for Two shares this post and why some feel that waiting until after Veterans day to break out the holly and tinsel is necessary. This one caused quite a stir! Read the full post here

Tiffany from SeeingSunshine is transparent as she talks about how marriage taught her more about herself than she ever expected, and it was downright ugly at times. Read the full post here

Alicia from Sew What Alicia (aka 2 kids and a blog) had me hunting for tissues as she shared an incredible piece on motherhood and a special needs child. “Having a differently abled child means that you have to mourn the death of the child you have planned for and expected for as long as you can remember.  You will grieve for the life he will never have…” Read the full post here

Patricia and the gals at Nutrisha give us a reality check and a bonus recipe as they share the reality of diabetes and how taking care of our health is paramount to living a full life. Read the full post here

Jeremy Hilton once again shows his brilliance on the Huffington post as he tackles the dark side of our military culture and takes on the pentagon, misogyny & cyberbullying. Read the full post here

Erin from Many Kind Regards is getting real about religion and the gay community as she shares how the unexpected can take you to church. Literally. Read the full post here (bonus post Children Aren’t Supposed to Die)

Rebelah Sanderlin posed the question: “Is a deployment really that different for a Captain’s wife than it is for a Sergeant’s wife? Do we not all experience the same loneliness?” as she talks about a touchy subject. Read the full post here

Tara from An Aiming High Wife talks about how ou can never prepare for the unknown sharing her story of an event that left her completely helpless. Read the full post here  and something many of us experience when we realize just how much our spouse REALLY misses out. Read the full post here

Cassie on Betwixt Beginnings discusses the challenges of raising teenage girls. Read the full post here

Casey of the Passages blog has a post, The Strips tell a Story, a piece on understanding what the dress uniform is actually telling us. Read the post here

Hope from HopeNGriffin shares her journey as her child wins the battle with cancer. Read the full post here

Heather from Happy Fit Navy Wife breaches the subject of planned parenthood, miscarriage and abortion. Read the full post here

Here are a couple of my personal raw & real pieces:

Why Us? Because Suicide, Depression and Addiction aren’t Selective

Military Life: The Struggle is Real

I know I’ve only scratched the surface in sharing the raw and real challenges, stories and insights that occur daily on the blogs written by those in our military community. I honestly don’t know how I would get through the day without the writings, knowledge, advice and humor of so many of them.

Take a moment find some new people to follow, post and tag your milspouse friends and if I missed a post or blog that has some great stuff know it wasn’t on purpose and please share  the link to your favorites in the comments below. We can learn from and with each other and I love to find new ways to navigate the military lifestyle – Don’t you?!

 

Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of LivingThruCrisis.com , Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Risk are go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

 

 

The post The Authentic Milspouse: A Collection from your Favorite Milbloggers! appeared first on Judy Davis The Direction Diva.

Best of The Authentic Milspouse: Why Raw and Real Is Where It’s At! by Judy Davis, The Direction Diva

Every January I choose a word to inspire me throughout the coming year. I have been inspired by gratitude, balance, strength and last year I even wrote about Focus and how a single word can be a powerful catalyst toward success. This year my word is: GROWTH. Growth personally and professionally. Growth in the logistics as well as the emotional side of my life. Growth so I can truly be an authentic milspouse. This whole concept of growth gets me excited and terrified all at the same time – because I know from experience that growth isn’t always easy. And then the ego side gets all caught up in my body image issues saying as long as my butt doesn’t continue to grow….

Truth be told I really struggled to choose a word this year. I wanted something powerful and easy while at the same time inspiring and focused. And when I finally narrowed it down to a choice between authentic and growth I decided to enlist some help so I could choose and spoke with a friend about it. After listening to my thoughts – and insecurities around choosing a word that could potentially grow the size of my pants, she politely told me that choosing authentic was like taking a free pass. (Note to self: “You are grateful when your friends challenge you to be stronger”). So Growth it was.

But in true Judy form, I couldn’t just leave it at that. I still wondered why authentic had such a huge draw for me, and after doing some digging, I realized it boiled down to the fact that lately authenticity seems to be missing in my relationships, and especially in our military community. For far to long we have covered up our feelings, fears and insecurities because as spouses we are supposed to be strong. We are taught to suck it up and fake it til you make it. We are told to put on a brave face and put it out there that our lives and businesses are running smoothly – even when that’s far from the truth. But how does that do any of us any good?

It is a double-edged sword really – because if you are authentic, people can see you as weak or worse – the dreaded “dependopatamus”. But if you act strong but inside are feeling anything but, your mental and physical health will suffer. The reality is that we are all strong and weak, independent and dependent, authentic and fake. We are all – depending on the day – amazing military spouses or broken human beings who are not managing our lives very well. And guess what…

It’s OK…

In fact if we were authentic – I mean really raw and real – I know we’d be better off. How do I know this? Because over and over again I’m shown that is what ya’ll want. You respond, comment and share the writings, tweets, and posts that are authentic, vulnerable and relevant to your REAL life. So I thought I’d pull together some of my favorite raw, sassy, spirited and heartfelt quotes and posts that have caused a stir, raised an eyebrow or addressed a touchy or meaningful subject.

Raw & Real posts from some incredible military spouse writers.

Elizabeth from the Reluctant Landlord discusses a topic we all would rather ignore and shares real and by the numbers information on death benefits and the financial impact you will experience. Read the full post here

Susan Reynolds give some pretty great advice to a child with a learning disability. “Learn to embrace your difference.  Thinking and learning differently is a gift” Read the full post here

Jo, My Gosh shares some of the realities about how tough life can be when you are a military service members’ significant other. From fidelity to confidence learn the 5 reasons why you shouldn’t date someone in the military. Read the full post here 

Heather from Only Passionate Curiosity gets real about breastfeeding: “You see, we do women a huge disservice by not talking about how hard this can be. If we don’t talk about the things that can go wrong, and wear you out, and make you want to quit, how in the world are we going to support mothers and help them continue nursing?” Read the full post here

Kristen of If the Saddle Fits talks about body shaming and the importance of “doing it anyway” in this beautiful raw and open post. FYI,  Mean girls isn’t just a high school thing. Read the full post here

T.T. Robinson gets real in this post sharing the guts of how we all feel at times during a deployment “I stared at the phone in disbelief. How are we supposed to stay connected, when I feel anything but?” Read the full post here

NextGenMilspouses gets to the core of what we all need to know when it comes to sending “those” pics to our service members! This is as transparent as it gets Read the full post here

Ariel from PMQ for Two shares this post and why some feel that waiting until after Veterans day to break out the holly and tinsel is necessary. This one caused quite a stir! Read the full post here

Tiffany from SeeingSunshine is transparent as she talks about how marriage taught her more about herself than she ever expected, and it was downright ugly at times. Read the full post here

Alicia from Sew What Alicia (aka 2 kids and a blog) had me hunting for tissues as she shared an incredible piece on motherhood and a special needs child. “Having a differently abled child means that you have to mourn the death of the child you have planned for and expected for as long as you can remember.  You will grieve for the life he will never have…” Read the full post here

Patricia and the gals at Nutrisha give us a reality check and a bonus recipe as they share the reality of diabetes and how taking care of our health is paramount to living a full life. Read the full post here

Jeremy Hilton once again shows his brilliance on the Huffington post as he tackles the dark side of our military culture and takes on the pentagon, misogyny & cyberbullying. Read the full post here

Erin from Many Kind Regards is getting real about religion and the gay community as she shares how the unexpected can take you to church. Literally. Read the full post here (bonus post Children Aren’t Supposed to Die)

Rebelah Sanderlin posed the question: “Is a deployment really that different for a Captain’s wife than it is for a Sergeant’s wife? Do we not all experience the same loneliness?” as she talks about a touchy subject. Read the full post here

Tara from An Aiming High Wife talks about how ou can never prepare for the unknown sharing her story of an event that left her completely helpless. Read the full post here  and something many of us experience when we realize just how much our spouse REALLY misses out. Read the full post here

Cassie on Betwixt Beginnings discusses the challenges of raising teenage girls. Read the full post here

Casey of the Passages blog has a post, The Strips tell a Story, a piece on understanding what the dress uniform is actually telling us. Read the post here

Hope from HopeNGriffin shares her journey as her child wins the battle with cancer. Read the full post here

Heather from Happy Fit Navy Wife breaches the subject of planned parenthood, miscarriage and abortion. Read the full post here

 

I know I’ve only scratched the surface in sharing the raw and real challenges, stories and insights that occur daily on the blogs written by those in our military community. I honestly don’t know how I would get through the day without the writings, knowledge, advice and humor of so many of them.

Take a moment find some new people to follow, post and tag your milspouse friends and if I missed a post or blog that has some great stuff know it wasn’t on purpose and please share  the link to your favorites in the comments below. We can learn from and with each other and I love to find new ways to navigate the military lifestyle – Don’t you?!

 

Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of LivingThruCrisis.com , Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Risk are go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

 

 

The post Best of The Authentic Milspouse: Why Raw and Real Is Where It’s At! by Judy Davis, The Direction Diva appeared first on Judy Davis The Direction Diva.

Keeping Your Business (And Customers) Safe on Social Media by Guest Cassie Phillips

Social A few decades ago, reaching your customers directly came pretty much only in person or over the phone. Indirect advertising, still prevalent today, must now compete with a much more living and convenient means of reaching out to target audiences. Social media has quickly become the future of customer interaction outside of physically going to meet with people.

Unfortunately, social media is not without its risks both to your business and to your potential or loyal customers. There are two primary types of risks you’ll need to be concerned with. The first and more obvious risk is your company’s image. While it can be tempting to heavily interact with customers on media such as Twitter and Facebook, miscommunication can quickly lead to angry or disinterested customers.

The other big risk is in the safety of data. Because anyone with an internet capable device can view your company’s pages, those pages can quickly become the target of hackers and other criminals looking to defraud you or your customers of their private information. Phishing attempts and other scams can quickly lead to disaster for both parties.

The life of your company depends on how well you’re able to adapt to these new threats and opportunities. Fortunately, there are a few simple things your business can do to stay ahead of the curve and maintain a safe, healthy environment on your social media outlets.

Good Practices

Remember back in grade school when your teachers used to go on and on about using your inside voice? The internet, and more specifically social media, is very similar. The right sort of etiquette—or netiquette—is important to maintain at all times if you want a good image for your business. But what does that have to do with security?

People get angry online in the same way they do offline. It may be immature, but it happens. Unlike in person, it can be extraordinarily difficult, if not impossible, to tell what type of person it is who is accessing your page. Some users may even have knowledge about password theft and other forms of hacking. At the very least, good behavior can help prevent incidents of revenge.

It also serves as an important note to keep your company’s social media account passwords strong. While using an easy-to-remember password may seem convenient, a weak password can quickly be guessed or cracked by someone determined enough. It only takes a few minutes to cause lasting damage to your company, as the security breach will send a message to your customers that you may not be safe to deal with.

Stolen accounts are frequently used in phishing scams as well. They usually appear in the form of a link posted by the stolen account that allegedly leads to your website or some other convincing clone that asks for login details or simply installs malware on the unsuspecting individual.

A strong password consisting of at least eight characters should contain a mixture of uppercase and lowercase letters along with numbers and symbols. It should be changed regularly and not contain singular words from the dictionary. Passphrases are also handy as they tend to be longer and difficult to guess but easy to remember.

Avoid sharing access to your company’s social media account with too many employees. More employees accessing your accounts can lead to a security problem as there is an increasing chance one of their devices will encounter malware.

Be sure to monitor disgruntled employees or revoke access from anyone who quits or is fired. Inside hacks can be devastating to your company’s image and may lead to problems for your customers as well.

You’ll also need to do some moderating from time to time. Inflammatory comments or bad links from “customers” can be a big problem if not dealt with swiftly. Simply deleting these comments will suffice most of the time.

Security Software

Although it’s generally best to limit the number of devices accessing your social media accounts for the business, any devices that do have access should also have certain forms of security software installed. The two most relevant items are an anti-virus program and a Virtual Private Network (VPN).

An anti-virus program is standard on many PCs, but not necessarily on mobile devices. For a small business, you can get by with free personal license apps such as Avast or Panda, but if you’re installing on multiple devices, you’ll likely want the professional versions. Paid anti-virus software offers extra security and support to help deal with malware.

A VPN helps protect your devices with access by connecting you to a remote server which encrypts data sent and received and hides your IP address. This helps prevent criminals from sending you bad data over public WiFi and keeps you anonymous from hackers. VPNs, such as ExpressVPN, typically cost anywhere from $5-15 per month.

Both forms of software help keep your business from losing control of your social media accounts. By far, the number one safety concern on social media is account theft, and it should be your primary concern when planning for security.

Other Tips

Aside from software and treating your customers well on social media sites, be sure to keep an eye on email accounts your company and/or employees use. Emails can be an easy source of malware or scams that will end up with the same result: stolen accounts. Any suspicious email activity should be handled with care, even if the message appears to be from someone within the company; failure to do so can compromise not just your social media accounts, but other data on your business’s devices.

If your company shares a single network, be on the lookout for intrusions. A good WiFi password helps, as will firewall software to monitor suspicious connections.

Is your business doing what it can to keep its social media secure? What practices have you implemented to that degree? Share below.

 

About the Author: Cassie Phillips is a technology blogger. Her specialties include internet safety, business netiquette and social media. She is a strong advocate for security software and keeping your devices up to date in order to avoid cyberattacks and maintain regular business operations.

The post Keeping Your Business (And Customers) Safe on Social Media by Guest Cassie Phillips appeared first on Judy Davis The Direction Diva.

15 Ways to Enhance Your Military Romance

Busy mom’s take care of a lot, busy military spouses even more. From juggling kids, a home and your service member to running a business and thriving in your career, navigating military life is often like a powder keg waiting to explode. And while I know that escaping into the latest in a pile of romance books sounds appealing, I’m going to tell you it’s even more important to enhance the romance at home and it’s time to “bring sexy back” to your relationship with your service member. I get it I do, and like you with everything else going on romance is the farthest thing from my mind. But seriously, it’s easy for the candles and military romance to take a dive so I’m here to help!

First off let me just say that isn’t that I’m not interested or don’t love my soldier, but the fact of the matter is when life gets crazy and I don’t have enough time to get to the bottom of my to do list romance is the first thing to go. So I thought I’d do us all a solid and create a simple list that we can refer to when it gets a little chilly on the home front that will help ignite the spark, put some fire back into your life AND enhance the romance at home! Feel free to add your go to strategies in the comments!

15 Ways to Enhance Your Military Romance

Prepare a Romantic Meal. My grandma used to say that the way to the heart is through the stomach. If you really want to make your way to your lover’s heart try preparing a romantic meal. Not only does it show much you care, it creates the right ambience for the sparks to fly.
Watch A Movie. A romantic movie is a great idea to spend a great evening together. Snuggle up with a movie and enjoy spending time together. (And leave the devices in another room!)
Say it with words. Making a list, remembering and sharing some of your romantic memories with your lover can actually turn them on. Leaving a note in their lunch works great too! 
Do chores together. Wash the dishes along with your lover. Strip the beds together. Even the small little things can mean a lot in life and the act of working together shows that you care about each other and share in the responsibilities at home.
Do something out of the norm. A trip to the museum, a walk in a new part of town or any other place of interest that is unique tells our partner that we want to experience something new together.
Be mindful of the little things. Little things can go a long way in saying “I Love You”. A simple act like holding open a door or asking if you can get the other person something from the kitchen. It’s those little daily reminders that you have each other’s best interest at heart that makes the difference.
Brag about each other in public. Brag to your friends or family and tell them about the person in your life you value the most. Let others know how fortunate you are to share your life with your spouse and how much you value each other.
Touch each other! Physical touch is very important in any relationship. Small touches speak louder than a thousand words. While walking together just put a gentle hand around a shoulder or hold hands. It makes us feel warm, secure and loved. Do not hesitate in giving your lover a hug. There is really no right time to express your feelings and a simple touch says “I Love You” and that you mean the world to me.
Make Time For Each Other Learn to take time for your partner however busy your schedule may be and for pete’s sake put your devices down. How much time has gone by since you worked on keeping your relationship young and fresh? It is important to make the other person feel special and desired and what better way than making time for each other especially when things are really busy?
Do it now Do not wait for Valentines Day to show how much you love your sweetheart. Even sharing an inexpensive box of candy, a single flower or a card for no reason goes a long way in saying that you care.
Don’t Take Each Other For Granted Sometimes when you live together you forget to actually tell your partner what they mean to you, and sadly each of you can end up feeling taken for granted. Wouldn’t it be nice to find ways to remind your special someone just how lucky you are to have them in your life?
Try participating in the activities your spouse loves. You could try out some of your lover’s favorite hobbies or sports, and invite them to try some of yours. Since two people are seldom exactly alike, a good relationship or marriage is one which sees the dissimilar sides of both people harmonizing together. It is built on creating new experiences that the two of you share and creating moments that are unique to your relationship. When you show how interested you are in your lover’s hobbies, it will be a pleasant surprise that you want to learn more about them and the things they like. Be simple and straightforward about it – just ask your spouse to teach you or include you in their hobby because you want to be part of the fun. Take it in a spirit of fun – laugh at any mistakes you make, and learn from them. Remember it’s about doing something together and seeing new sides of each other.
Say “I Love You” in a whole new way Learn how to say ‘I love you’ in a few different languages. The words ‘I love you’ bring a smile to everyone’s face and every culture in the world has their own way of saying it. Learn a few and surprise your lover. He or she will probably be completely confused, and it can be fun to explain just what you said.
Write your lover an original, romantic poem or letter. In a time where tech is so prevelant a hand written letter or poem will stand out. Hand written pieces are a beautiful way of letting your feelings show. Do not care if your attempt at poetry it is bad or silly, just let your feelings flow. Write anything you feel, be it naughty, silly or funny, and your love will cherish it forever.
Say I love you when giving a romantic massage. As stated in tip #8, physical touch is very important so let’s kick it up a notch and what better way than a romantic massage. A massage by your partner can actually be a wonderful experience that can bring you closer together and connect you at a deeper level. Massage is a great way to share your time together and get to know each other in a whole new way. Plan your massage at a time when your time together will be uninterrupted.

What are some of the ways you bring sexy back into your military romance?

Share it with us in the comments below!

 

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of LivingThruCrisis.com , Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Risk are go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

The post 15 Ways to Enhance Your Military Romance appeared first on Judy Davis The Direction Diva.

15 Ways to Enhance The Romance at Home by Judy Davis, The Direction Diva

Busy mom’s take care of a lot. From juggling kids, a home and a job to running a business and navigating military life it’s like a powder keg waiting to explode. And if that weren’t enough we even work to enhance the romance and “bring sexy back” to our relationship at a time when that’s most likely the furthest thing from our mind.

It’s no wonder that with so many demands on our time it’s easy for our romantic life takes a dive – and our spouses don’t get it. They don’t see that trying to find the balance between a robust sex life with our overbooked and super busy schedules is difficult.

It isn’t that I’m not interested or don’t love him, but the fact of the matter is that when life gets crazy romance is the first thing to go. So I thought I’d do us all a solid and create a simple list that we can refer to when it gets a little chilly on the home front that will help ignite the spark, put some fire back into your life AND enhance the romance at home! Feel free to add your go to strategies in the comments!

15 Ways to Enhance The Romance at Home

Prepare a Romantic Meal. My grandma used to say that the way to the heart is through the stomach. If you really want to make your way to your lover’s heart try preparing a romantic meal. Not only does it show much you care, it creates the right ambience for the sparks to fly.
Watch A Movie. A romantic movie is a great idea to spend a great evening together. Snuggle up with a movie and enjoy spending time together. (And leave the devices in another room!)
Say it with words. Making a list, remembering and sharing some of your romantic memories with your lover can actually turn them on. Leaving a note in their lunch works great too! 
Do chores together. Wash the dishes along with your lover. Strip the beds together. Even the small little things can mean a lot in life and the act of working together shows that you care about each other and share in the responsibilities at home.
Do something out of the norm. A trip to the museum, a walk in a new part of town or any other place of interest that is unique tells our partner that we want to experience something new together.
Be mindful of the little things. Little things can go a long way in saying “I Love You”. A simple act like holding open a door or asking if you can get the other person something from the kitchen. It’s those little daily reminders that you have each other’s best interest at heart that makes the difference.
Brag about each other in public. Brag to your friends or family and tell them about the person in your life you value the most. Let others know how fortunate you are to share your life with your spouse and how much you value each other.
Touch each other! Physical touch is very important in any relationship. Small touches speak louder than a thousand words. While walking together just put a gentle hand around a shoulder or hold hands. It makes us feel warm, secure and loved. Do not hesitate in giving your lover a hug. There is really no right time to express your feelings and a simple touch says “I Love You” and that you mean the world to me.
Make Time For Each Other Learn to take time for your partner however busy your schedule may be and for pete’s sake put your devices down. How much time has gone by since you worked on keeping your relationship young and fresh? It is important to make the other person feel special and desired and what better way than making time for each other especially when things are really busy?
Do it now Do not wait for Valentines Day to show how much you love your sweetheart. Even sharing an inexpensive box of candy, a single flower or a card for no reason goes a long way in saying that you care.
Don’t Take Each Other For Granted Sometimes when you live together you forget to actually tell your partner what they mean to you, and sadly each of you can end up feeling taken for granted. Wouldn’t it be nice to find ways to remind your special someone just how lucky you are to have them in your life?
Try participating in the activities your spouse loves. You could try out some of your lover’s favorite hobbies or sports, and invite them to try some of yours. Since two people are seldom exactly alike, a good relationship or marriage is one which sees the dissimilar sides of both people harmonizing together. It is built on creating new experiences that the two of you share and creating moments that are unique to your relationship. When you show how interested you are in your lover’s hobbies, it will be a pleasant surprise that you want to learn more about them and the things they like. Be simple and straightforward about it – just ask your spouse to teach you or include you in their hobby because you want to be part of the fun. Take it in a spirit of fun – laugh at any mistakes you make, and learn from them. Remember it’s about doing something together and seeing new sides of each other.
Say “I Love You” in a whole new way Learn how to say ‘I love you’ in a few different languages. The words ‘I love you’ bring a smile to everyone’s face and every culture in the world has their own way of saying it. Learn a few and surprise your lover. He or she will probably be completely confused, and it can be fun to explain just what you said.
Write your lover an original, romantic poem or letter. In a time where tech is so prevelant a hand written letter or poem will stand out. Hand written pieces are a beautiful way of letting your feelings show. Do not care if your attempt at poetry it is bad or silly, just let your feelings flow. Write anything you feel, be it naughty, silly or funny, and your love will cherish it forever.
Say I love you when giving a romantic massage. As stated in tip #8, physical touch is very important so let’s kick it up a notch and what better way than a romantic massage. A massage by your partner can actually be a wonderful experience that can bring you closer together and connect you at a deeper level. Massage is a great way to share your time together and get to know each other in a whole new way. Plan your massage at a time when your time together will be uninterrupted.

What are some of the ways you bring romance back into your relationship?

Share it with us in the comments below!

 

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of LivingThruCrisis.com , Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Risk are go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

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6 Easy Ways to Eliminate Stress From Your Holiday Season by Guest Vee Cecil

Background Image via Flickr by Irina Patrascu Gheorghita

Six Easy Ways to Eliminate Stress From Your Holiday Season

As a wife and mother, I try to make each holiday better than the last — better food, more meaningful gifts, and more beautiful decorations. The pressure can be almost overwhelming. This year, I’m taking a lighter approach and reminding myself what the season is really about: family, love and joy. Here are a few tips to make your holiday brighter and less stressful:

If you or your spouse is deployed for the holiday, get creative! Record yourself reading a favorite holiday book or story and send it to your child. You could even have a Skype date where you can read together, open presents, or sing your favorite seasonal tunes. Don’t let the distance get you down; with today’s technology, you can find ways to be together through the miles!

Opt for travel-easy gifts. As much fun as it can be to pick out a specific present for a family member, getting it to them is significantly less exciting if they don’t live close by. Make it easier on yourself and grab a travel-friendly gift card instead. You could also mail gifts ahead of time to create a little more space in your suitcase (plus eliminate a lot of potential airport hassle). Ordering online is another great way to achieve stress-free gift-giving since you can send presents directly to the recipients; many companies will even ask if it’s a gift and will hide cost information on the receipt!

Think outside the box for Christmas presents. I could scour every toy store in the city for Star Wars action figures, but instead I’m simplifying. By buying my boys Star Wars costumes, they each get to be their favorite character and actually play out their own adventures. Now if I could just find a way to light saber-proof my home…

Embrace gift-wrapping services. They are your friend. Many stores will gift wrap items for free or for a nominal fee (usually only about 25¢ or so for the box). Plus, many schools and charity organizations will set up gift wrap stations within malls and outside bookstores and ask only for donations. So not only can you delete a task off your list completely, you can give to a good cause in the process. There’s no downside!

Going out of town? Let Buster have a sleepover. Even if it’s only a car ride away and just for the evening, I’ve found that the canine element of holiday travel can be downright exhausting. This year instead of handling the chaos of two kids and a dog in the backseat, we’re going the dog boarding route. Our lovable (and much loved!) mutt actually loves the adventure away from home, and it gives me one less potential disaster to worry about at a family member’s house.

Don’t get caught up in the small stuff. It’s never my husband or kids putting pressure on me for the perfect holiday; it all comes from within! Cut yourself some slack and remember that it doesn’t have to be perfect, and in fact some of the best stories come from holiday mishaps. If your spouse is coming home from deployment, remember that all he or she is thinking of is being with you!

This holiday, don’t look back and wonder how you missed all the fun. Enjoy your family time and embrace simplicity!

***

Vee Cecil is a wellness coach, personal trainer, and bootcamp instructor. Vee is passionate about studying and sharing her findings in wellness through her recently-launched blog.

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The Force Awakens: Finding Hope in Unexpected Places by Judy Davis, The Direction Diva

Three years ago when I watched my son fight the battle that almost took his life, I had no idea that a day like today would ever exist. I spent time asking why and have shared our journey thru crisis publicly on The Direction Diva blog and through the Living Thru Crisis organization we founded in 2014. But every day much like a Star Wars fan eager for the release of The Force Awakens, I waited in anticipation to see if the force behind my son’s demons would win or if he would fight the dark side or ever begin finding hope in his life once again.

As a mother we worry about our children. We want them to find success, but most of all we just want them to be happy. But with mental illness happiness is relative. It is defined in a whole different way and truth be told there is an ebb and flow to it that is exhausting.  I have watched my son ride this rollercoaster and have wanted to fix all that had broken within him. But I know that isn’t in my power – and therapists and support groups have shown me that he had to find what he needed on his own. So as is mother I find myself waiting for proof that he is going to be ok.

I can’t verbalize how hard this process is, and I’ve had to dig deep to begin finding hope and joy beyond the never ending worry that one day my son will succeed in taking his own life. But today I received proof of how far we’ve come in the strangest way. (Thanks Verizon*). Today I learned that I really can “Let Go and let God” and in order to see how far my son has come I just needed to see the progress in the little things.

Finding hope comes with the ability to see progress in the little moments.
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I’ve said it before, but I’m a believer that my son has a powerful guardian angel by his side and I know I have an insane ability to “work magic” when it comes to my children. But even I am amazed at how things unfold, and today that is the case.

You may laugh, but earlier this week my son and I were chatting. He shared that he and 3 of his buddies were having a “Bro Day” on Saturday. I calmly asked what they had planned – secretly doing the happy dance because FINALLY he has found some good and supportive friends who are also in recovery and enjoyed similar things.

He shared that they were disappointed because when they had tried to get tickets for the new Star Wars movie, they were met with “SOLD OUT” over and over. And that was one of the “must do with the bro’s” activities. So I mentioned that Verizon had announced that they were giving away tickets through their #TheoryWars promotion and that he should put his name in. He laughed and said ok mom “hold the intention, pray or do whatever it is you do because we are all broke and that would be awesome”.

Fast forward to the call (and reason for this entire post). For someone else it may have been great to win tickets but for my son it was so much more than that. This simple “win”

Provided my son with some proof that his hard work is paying off.
Showed him that big companies care about their customers more than the money he pays every month.
Gave him a gift that he could then share with his “Bro’s” making a positive memory that this group needs more of.
Allowed his mom to see that he has come so far in his recovery that he is finding hope and joy in the little moments in his life.

You see when someone you love has a mental illness many of the calls you receive center around offering support or helping them to see through the dark cloud that can take over their thoughts. Much of your time is spent in prayer hoping that they will find some joy.

Yes to some it may have been just a ticket but to us it was a gift.

 

P.S. If you are looking for some great mental health tools Verizon’s Mobile Living has some that are worth looking into. A quick search brought these results:

Mental health goes mobile (How your phone can get you into a better headspace)

How technology can help you relax (Here are six tips to use technology to transform your living space for meditation and relaxation).

Is Stress Relief the Next Big Thing in Wearables? (The first generation of wearables counted steps. The next one could calm your mind).

 

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of LivingThruCrisis.com, Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Risk are go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

*As a member of the #VZWBuzz team I receive various devices and accessories and provide Verizon Wireless tips for military spouses. No additional compensation was given and all opinions stated are my own. As always whenever I talk about products you will get the real scoop not something someone asks me to write

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How Difficult Times Make Us Stronger by Judy Davis, The Direction Diva

“The hardest times are often the ones that make us stronger”.

Why is it that this quote holds so much truth? When we are being true to ourselves, following our dreams or trying to grow personally or professionally, life just seems to get harder doesn’t it?  Over the last few days that’s been the case for many of the people in my life.  They are following their path and being met with obstacles that feel insurmountable. They are overwhelmed to an even greater degree than normal and all of this chaos has got me thinking about the hardest times in my life. As I reflect, it occurs to me that the hardest times in my life have actually made me a stronger person. But why?

Perhaps it’s like when we begin to work out, when we exercise new muscles or change our routine, there is a period of time when things hurt. The lactic acid builds up and it’s painful to do even the simple things like walk or get out of a chair.  But we know that it will be worth it.  We know that all the pain will pay off in the long run. And we know that the reward is that we will be stronger for it.

Maybe change and hard times work the same way.  As we are faced with choices and challenges, sometimes they can be harder and cause more pain than maintaining the status quo.  But I think that over time, as we keep “working”,  the rewards become greater, and that pain begins to subside.  And it is in those moments that we get stronger.  We learn that the extra effort is worthwhile.  And we see that we can do more than we ever thought possible.

I really do think that the hardest times in our lives are when by choice or circumstance we follow a new path and are forced to create our own “workout” if you will. When we stain and push ourselves to venture out in unmarked territory new “muscles” are formed and we become stronger.  It’s during those times that we learn new things, challenge ourselves and become stronger.  And while sometimes that’s painful, when we push through barriers and self-impossed limitations, we are rewarded in ways we never anticipated.

So I guess the challenges and pain that come from being true to ourselves and following the dreams in our heart are really just an indicator that we are getting stronger…and strength is good.

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of LivingThruCrisis.com , Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Risk are go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

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Best of How To Celebrate the Holidays Military Family Style by Judy Davis, The Direction Diva

I’m often asked how we function through the holiday season as a military family. I don’t know if people reahttp://www.singingthroughtherain.net/... want an answer or just want to be supportive and don’t know what to do. All I can say is we do the best we can based on whatever is happening in our lives at that moment. And sometime the way we celebrate is by using the mantra that good enough is just the way it goes.

The reality: there are years that we are all together and some that I am alone. There are deployments and assignments that change our typical family traditions and there are often tears – both happy and sad. But we get by and have many experiences that we now look back on and wonder how we ever made it through. But we did and are stronger for it.

Over the years as we celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas and rang in the New Yea I’ve been able to share a variety of posts that gave you a look into the craziness that is our home and our lives. I’ve shared tips and strategies as well as insight I gained from these experiences and the challenges that came with them, and I thought I’d put them all together in a “BEST OF” list so they are all at your fingertips.

Here are a few from he Direction Diva Blog that share how we celebrate the holidays Military Family style.

I Confess, I have Holiday Envy Issues
4 Simple Steps To Create a Happy Holiday
8 Steps to A Better Holiday Season
Making kids Happy This Christmas
Military Life: Celebrating The Holidays Alone
4 ways to Manage Holiday Loneliness
3 Ways to Get Through The Holidays Stress Free

 Bonus:

Some of my favorite peeps share their words of wisdom too:

10 Ways Military Spouses Can Face The Holidays Alone During Deployment (A Semi-Delicate Balance)
22 Christmas Care Packages (Jo My Gosh!)
Holiday Disappointment: 3 Ways to Overcome Frustrating Circumstances as a Milspouse (Happy Fit Navy Wife)
Making the Most of Christmas with Your Spouse (Singing Through The Rain)
Savor The Holiday’s: A Mini Course (Embracing Simple)
The Christmas Secret: Why The Holidays are so Hard and How To Fix Them (Heart Filled Holidays)


What are your favorite Posts?

 

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of LivingThruCrisis.com , Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Risk are go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

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7 Ways to Bring Sexy Back into Your Military Marriage by Judy Davis

Recently my husband and I celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary. It seems like yesterday that we said “I Do”, but a lifetime has passed since that day and despite the challenges of military life we work together to keep our relationship strong. So many memories, challenges and incredible moments that come to mind, and I can honestly say I’d do it all over again. But it’s hard work to keep a relationship going and in the past I’ve shared tips on how we do it in my Bulletproof For A Better Marriage Series, but you can never have to many tips for making your military marriage better right? So today I want to share some tip that you can put to use in your relationship with these

7 Ways To Bring Sexy Back Into Your Military Marriage:

Kick it up a notch: While I’m all for yoga pants and t-shirts for comfort, I have to admit that a ponytail, make-up free face and cozy lounge wear may not be the choice that will spice up your love life.  In the hustle and bustle of balancing all that we have to do as military spouses it’s important to take the time to let your sexy out every now and then. Ditch the mom clothes, done that “special occasion” undies and watch the sizzle pop.
Have a playdate: Whether it’s prepping for deployments or getting ready for yet another PCS it’s easy to let the seriousness of our lives take over. As a military couple we have to deal with a lot of heavy stuff and it’s important that we don’t forget to put some play back into our lives. Get creative and find ways to play together in and out of the bedroom
Put out the welcome mat: All too often as we get comfortable in a relationship there is a tendency to take each other for granted. We stop doing all the little things that made us fall in love in the first place and we wonder where the spark went. The best way to keep things lively is to treat each other like you would treat a guest. Getting up for a beverage, ask if the other person needs anything. Greet one another with passion and excitement when you walk through the door at the end of the day. Be polite and attentive when your partner is trying to have a conversation and stop taking one another for granted! Remember it’s the little things that REALLY matter and make all the difference in whether or not your relationship is thriving.
Change it up: Whether it’s in the bedroom or a tweak to a stale evening routine, sometimes changing it up is the perfect way to ignite a long stagnate spark. Routine can be comforting but it can also make us lazy and boring. Romance and relationships take effort and creativity to grow.
Connect & Communicate: In a time where text messages and social media are such a big part of our lives, it’s easy to fall into a pattern where technology is your preferred method of talking to each other. But if you are looking for ways to strengthen your relationship, tech is truly the kiss of death. Recently I took 10 days away from all social media and the impact it had on our vacation and our love life was incredible. Find ways to connect with one another in a real and engaged way and watch the passion come alive.
Be Vulnerable: The challenges of military life can be vast and it’s easy to close ourselves off as a way to protect ourselves from the pain and frustration. But when we do that we also prevent our relationships from growing. Do your best to talk about the big stuff and be vulnerable with one another. No relationship is perfect, but strength comes from both of you committing to working through the tough situations and being real with each other about your feelings and worries. (I KNOW this is a “can of worms” topic – one that I also struggle with as a military spouse and something I will elaborate on in the months to come – so stay tuned)
Laugh Together: In all of my time with my husband I think the thing that I always come back to when someone says “What is the thing that keeps things together” it’s the fact that we can laugh together even in the worst of times. We get each other at a core level and can enjoy the simple things in a way that I can’t with anyone else. Being able to be silly and laugh together is a gift that I treasure and his ability to make me giggle (and snort ) is the greatest aphrodisiac that there is.

 

 

How do you bring the SEXY back into your Military Marriage?

 

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of LivingThruCrisis.com , Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Risk are go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

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