Judy Davis's Blog, page 2

Sometimes You Just Need a Time Out from Military Life

You may have noticed I’ve been a little quiet lately.  Between the passing of my mother-in-law, supporting my husband, handling military life and dealing with all the feelings of my own, I haven’t had the focus to do much else than the bare necessities. And I have been feeling guilty for taking a much-needed time out from anything that drains me physically or emotionally and just staying in my corner to “reset” myself.

The past 2 months took a toll on me in so many ways, but it also taught me so much about myself, my life and the things I’ve done wrong. I guess “wrong” isn’t the best word, but the reality is that since helping take care of my father and then just recently my mother-in-law as they lost their battles with cancer,  I haven’t done the best job at allowing myself to grieve.  Sure I talk the talk, but if I’m honest with myself, walking the walk hasn’t been happening.

This time it wasn’t about deployment or being a military spouse, it wasn’t about being “mom”, it wasn’t about any of the stuff that life has put into my path, but it was rather a building up of putting myself and my feelings on the back burner.  And while that’s ok for a very short period of time…long term it doesn’t work so well.

If  you haven’t guessed I’m a little (ok maybe a lot)  of a fixer…but (I know you were waiting for the but) when you try to control and fix thing that aren’t yours the only person to suffer is YOU.  For some silly reason I felt that if I kept everything in order, pretended I was fine and didn’t “think” about all the sadness, fears and stress I was feeling, somehow it wouldn’t be there…(OK you can stop laughing now…I get it!)

Fear, loss and yuck happen, but like I was telling my daughter the other day…”It’s not whether it will happen, it is how you deal with it when it does that matters”.  And well I was not dealing with it.

Sure I went through the motions of talking about dealing with it, as I drank way to much coffee, skipped exercise (I was too busy you know….)  ignored my feelings and worried about my husband and his siblings – because I know what it feels like to lose a parent. But I forgot the thing I “preach” about most….the important necessity of listening to that little voice that tells you when you aren’t ok and encourages you to take care of you- FIRST.

My “voice” is screaming in my ear, and like a pesky fly I just keep brushing it away, until it is so loud that I can’t ignore it anymore, and I am forced to “go to my corner” for a much-needed time out! I know that I can’t be the best me if I don’t allow my sadness and all the feelings that another loss to cancer has triggered. Time is the only thing that will heal and I must allow for that.

The point of all this babbling today…make yourself and your feelings a priority above all else.  Give yourself permission to take a time out when you need one. Reset. You can’t be helpful to others unless you yourself are doing ok. So let it go, and do you. That’s what we want anyway. And until you can do you unleashed, well take a time out and recharge your batteries.

Your business will wait, your peeps will understand and you will be better off for it.

 

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of DASIUM , Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Risk are go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

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Guest Post: Creativity as a Center of Family Time

You know me – I’m all about the life balance – Enjoy this guest post from Lisa Hayden of the Parents Need to Know blog!

It is vital for you to have the best time with your kids because no sooner than you know it they will be all grown up with their own families. It’s true that time flies, and with busy schedules it can be pretty difficult to bond with your kids and you need to be quite creative in the activities you do together. As a matter of fact, creativity should always be the center of family time.

If you want to understand your kids better, make it a point to bond with them. You can play air hockey with your kids, bike around the neighborhood and a lot more. Be creative so that your children will be looking forward to such moments. Do not hesitate to try something new.

Be creative

It can be pretty difficult to be creative if you have no idea about what to do, what to avoid, how and when to do it. However, the following are some of the factors you can use as a road map for being creative at home;

Team work; this is one of the things that keeps the creative juice flowing at all time. Projects, activities, or games, which will involve all members of the family are sure to please everyone.
 Venture Outdoors; There is nothing as important as venturing outdoors. Outdoor activities are great stress relievers; help in bonding, there is always more than enough space, and there is no limit to the number of activities that you can engage in as a family. Your children will like it most if they challenge you in their favorite sports, cooking competition – even show you some new tricks and tips on the latest Pokémon Go game.
 Avoid bossiness; To be successful in having a great time and bonding with your children, avoid “I’m the boss here” kind of attitude during family activities.
Expression of divergent thought line; Give your children room to express different thought lines. Also, do not always choose one member to be the de-facto decision maker. This helps create a friendly environment between the siblings, and everyone can be involved in everything.

While creativity is not inborn, it is something that is nurtured over a period of time. If you have been thinking of getting the most out of activities, then let creativity be your king in all ways.

It is important to consistently be creative in family activities. Nevertheless, there are times you’ll realize that being creative can also be difficult. Ask your kids what they’d like to involve themselves in. A small brainstorming session can help you get a million ideas, of which you will use those that best meet the needs of your family.

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Lessons and the Unspoken Toll of Military Life

Sometimes as we traverse military life it can feel as though we live separately from the outside world. We have our own lingo, we take pride in things others take for granted and our day to day challenges are very different from our civilian counterparts. Because of this we need to build stronger coping skills and hone our self care strategies so that we are prepared – especially for the stuff we never see coming.

I didn’t realize how much I’d been slacking on both my self-care and coping strategies until recently when we were blindsided by a family crisis that none of us saw coming. 5 weeks ago I went to Florida to take care of my mother-in-law for what we thought was a case of pneumonia. What we didn’t know was that we only had a few weeks before she would lose her brief battle with cancer.

Like many of you, I’m good when my world gets turned upside down. Military life has given me lots of practice (see my journey and strategies in Right Side Up).  I can sort through the logistics, deal with changing circumstances and efficiently blow through a to do list like nobody’s business.  I can be strong for my family in a way I’ve never been.

Military life taught me that – and I’m grateful.

But if you look closer, you will see the cracks and the toll military life is taking. Maybe the sudden death of my mother in law has left me raw, but the reality is that the events over the last few weeks have highlighted a few habits or lessons I’ve learned since becoming a military spouse. And they aren’t pretty, healthy or productive.

Military life has shown me how

To hide the cracks
To put on a strong face even when I’m breaking
To suck it up and roll on
To put my feelings and needs aside for the greater good
To dismiss tragedy because it’s part of our life

But more importantly than the lessons, it took losing her to reveal

The unspoken toll that military life is having on me.

I long to put down roots again
I resent being far from family and being present in their daily lives
I miss the support of lifelong friends
I fear that I’m losing a piece of myself with every PCS, Deployment an TDY assignment
I worry about my soldier and the impact military life has on our children
I hate that I now have intimate knowledge of all things PTS, TBI, Depression, Addiction & Suicide
And most of all I long for routine and a simpler life where I’m not waiting for the next set of orders that will turn our lives upside down once again.

As I write this I fight everything in me screaming to hit the delete button. I mean how can someone who shows people how to embrace military life and see it as an opportunity have feelings of resentment and anger toward it. But I believe in transparency – and right now in this moment this is how I feel.

And that’s ok.

It’s ok to be frustrated with your life. It’s ok to have feelings. It’s ok to want something different. And it’s not only ok but it’s important to acknowledge these thoughts and allow yourself to experience the feelings that come with them. It’s healthy and it’s real.

The tricky part comes when you try to determine what to do with all those thoughts and feelings once you have them. For me I have to get them out of my head (writing helps

Military Life SmallBiz: Twitter Changes and Using Tech Effectively

As I build my businesses around my military life, I rely on technology to help make up for the fact that I don’t have a brick and mortar location. Whether it’s for the blog, suicide prevention programs or my jewelry obsession creating conversations and building relationships is key to my long-term success in small business. And social media makes it so much easier.

While Facebook is the perfect place to keep in touch with people, I find that for my businesses Twitter and Pinterest are much more effective. Why? Because both offer me the ability to put out a message quickly and drive traffic to a particular website based on the needs of the people. I can utilize marketing services like TailWind (a FANTASTIC service for Pinterest/Instagram) or Hootesuite to help me so I can share information regularly and with a little practice and a “What would make me click on a link” attitude I can connect in a fun way.

The challenge comes in with all the changes to tech and social.

For example according to the Twitter blog (see full post here) over the coming months there will be changes to simplify your military life Tweets including what counts toward your 140 characters!

In summary here’s what will change on Twitter:

Replies: @names will no longer count toward the 140-character count.
Media attachments: When you add attachments like photos, GIFs, videos, polls, or Quote Tweets, that media will no longer count as characters within your Tweet. More room for words!
Soon you will be able to Retweet and Quote Tweet yourself. Great way to keep a conversation moving forward!
Goodbye, .@: (A feature I didn’t even know about until I began writing this post) New Tweets that begin with a username will reach all your followers. (That means you’ll no longer have to use the ”.@” convention, which people currently use to broadcast Tweets broadly.)

All of these changes have one thing in common. Making things easier and more valuable to your peeps right? But what makes it easier for me? Technology plain and simple.

As a military spouse entrepreneur, without technology I’d be sunk. I’d have to start over with each PCS move, I’d be less productive and shoot I’d have thousands of pounds of household goods that would have to move with me. So yes every day I do a little happy dance when I pick up my phone, tablet or laptop and connect to my prospects, clients and tribe. But the place it helps me most is in my marketing efforts.

When I’m working on marketing or trying to be more efficient lots of different apps help me out. I appreciate how my smartphone makes me and my team more productive, and I love a tablet for its ease of use and portability.  Here’s a link (from Verizon*) containing a video that talks about what tablets can do for your business. Having a device that can follow me around from installation to installation keeps my business moving forward.

I wonder how other military small biz owners would answer the following questions? (share yours in the comments below)!

What devices do you use on the go with your business?
How does social media help you?
What technology makes your business thrive?
What apps are your consistent go to’s?
How do you start conversations online?

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of DASIUM, Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Riskare go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

Disclosure: As a member of the Verizon Lifestyle bloggers I receive various devices and accessories to try and share how I use them in my military life. As always all opinions are my own and you get the real scoop not something someone asks me to write

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Why People Pleasing Is Ruining Your Life

Have you ever noticed that sometimes in military life it seems as though every time you turn around someone or something  just keeps getting in the way of your dreams?  It may feel like for every idea you have or action you take there is someone out there telling you it can’t be done or how it won’t work.  They may even share a suggestion as to how to do it “the right way”.

After church today, I reflected on something the pastor said that really hit home and got my wheels spinning.  He was talking about the disconnect that we all have when others tell us how we “should” act and what we “should” do. He went on to discuss that when we let others “mold” us we are actually preventing ourselves from living out our purpose.

And you know me, when the wheels start turning I just can’t let go. So I started looking back and noticed an interesting pattern in my journey. During the times in my life as a military spouse where I have struggled, been stressed out or just plain “messed up”,  without exception it’s when others have tried to “convince me” to do something that wasn’t in direct alignment with my purpose.  These times were filled with “people pleasing” and wishy-washy boundaries and my thoughts centered around what I “should” be doing, rather than what felt right.

And as I really dig deep I can’t help but notice that during the worst times, I felt manipulated rather than supported.

Now I’m sure there is some psychological explanation, but I know one thing is for certain.  During each of these times, I gave my power away, and felt helpless and trapped because of it.  Instead of standing strong and acknowledging that I really do know what makes me happy, I allowed others to place their agenda into my life. And the only person who suffered was me.

If you read my blog or follow my speaking you know that I am all about being real, making a difference and supporting others. But until today, I didn’t realize that I held a belief that was holding me back.

I believed that in order to keep things stress free so I could be happy, I had to do it in the way others want me to. I thought that if I wanted to help and support others (something that truly makes ME happy), I had to do what they needed. And to make things worse, I believed that if I didn’t do it their way I wasn’t really helping them. But I couldn’t have been more wrong.

If you try to please everyone you will miss out on doing what it is that you were sent here to do
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What I failed to recognize was that my gift, my ability to make a difference,  can only shine when I follow my heart. And that doesn’t mean that I have to do so in a way that others think I should.

I realized  in order to live my “best life” I have to be me.  Not the molded version of me that fits someone else’s agenda, but the me with all the bumps, bruises and scars that life has brought. I now get that it’s these battle scars that I bring to the table in a unique way that is my destiny.

I think in the grand scheme of things happiness is all about tuning into what it is that stirs something deep inside of us and taking the action to bring it to fruition. It’s about following our gut instincts and trusting ourselves enough to know what actions support what it is we are being called to do.

No one else knows what you “should” be doing in your military life better than you do, so trust your abilities and uniqueness, because only then will you be on the path where your  dreams can become your reality.

 

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of DASIUM, Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Riskare go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

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Military Educational Scholarship Available

As I look around the coffee shop I feel as if I’ve turned back the clocks to my college days. I shouldn’t be surprised, it’s that time of the year when finals and final project deadlines are fast approaching and people are focused. Most everyone has their heads buried in a book, but what strikes me most is that many of the people surrounding me are either military spouses, veterans or active duty service members and I’m inspired.

I’m inspired by the military spouse who has set up her 2 little girls with coloring books, the young soldier who is utilizing his educational benefits to prepare for the future and the veteran who is transitioning to a new career. I love the fact that they are all working to improve their lives. But most of all I love that there are programs, universities and financial aid that makes it possible for those in the military community to make their dreams of a better life a reality.

One particular university that steps up and truly gives back to our community is Colorado Technical University. Every year CTU provides full tuition scholarships to 50 eligible wounded service members and spouses of wounded service members. And this year the program has been expanded to include caregivers and non-wounded attendants.

How cool is that? I love that CTU has broadened the eligibility requirements and wanted to pass along the information because you or someone you know may be a perfect candidate!

About the Wounded Warrior Scholarship

In 2008 CTU came together with the Yellow Ribbon Fund, Inc to create the Wounded Warrior Scholarship as a way to give back to service members, their families and caregivers of those injured while serving. (Learn more about the first caregiver recipient and hear her inspiring story here)

Fun Fact: As of January 2016, CTU has awarded 400 Wounded Warrior Scholarships, totaling $6 million.

Who Can Apply?

Be an active member or veteran of the United States Armed Forces (including Reserve and National Guard) currently receiving medical treatment for injuries (over 30%) received while in the line of duty. OR
Be a spouse or non-medical attendant of an active member or veteran currently receiving medical treatment.
Meet the general application requirements of CTU including being able to provide proof of high school graduation or equivalency document.

What does the Scholarship Include?

Full tuition to any eligible CTU degree program (as an online student or at the Colorado Campuses located in Colorado Springs and Aurora)
New laptop computer & hardcopy or e-books
Specially-trained military education advisors
24/7 technical support

If that weren’t enough CTU goes one step further to support the success of each recipient. Each awardee is connected with a dedicated Student Success Coach and specially trained advisors who are available to answer questions and offer guidance throughout their academic journey.

How To Apply?

Deadline: Apply no later than July 31, 2016 to be considered for the 2017 scholarship.

Application Link:  https://ctuww.communityforce.com/Login.aspx

Additional Information can be found at: http://www.coloradotech.edu/ww

Contact for Q’s: WoundedWarriors@ctuonline.edu

What I love most about this scholarship is that it not only supports an individual who wants to move forward in their lives, but it brings hope to a family at a time when they need it most. It’s no secret that the true healing process begins once the physical scars have faded, and this scholarship gives the recipient a chance to start fresh and reach goals they may not have thought possible.

I invite you to apply and share this information with an

eligible service member, milspouse, care giver and non-medical attendants.

 

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author, lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of DASIUM, Judy’s books Right Side Up and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Risk? are go to resources for families and those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

~This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Colorado Technical University. The opinions and text are my own.

~Colorado Technical University cannot guarantee employment or salary. Find employment rates, financial obligations and other disclosures at www.coloradotech.edu/disclosures. Financial aid is available for those who qualify.

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Military Mental Health: Is Social Media Stealing Your Happiness?

As we kick off Mental Health Awareness Month I want to begin with some insight that my son had over the weekend into how social media really steals the joy from our lives. He shares this piece of writing with me and I was struck by how it opened my eyes to the connection between social media and our military mental health. His excerpt highlights the reality of living with the challenges of depression and how we can feel alone even in a room full of people. I read it and got a loud and clear message that I think we all need to hear. So I ask you…

Military Mental Health:

Is Social Media Stealing Your Happiness? by Geoffrey Davis

Sitting at my favorite coffee shop with a group of friends I wonder why I feel so alone. Why do I feel like I’m the only one who wants to be here? I’m surrounded by my best friends who are absent of mind all who seem to be  controlled by this small rectangle in their hands that seems to dictate what we are doing at all times. As I look around the table,  I see that I’m the only one who isn’t staring at this little screen in my hand and can’t help but wonder if there is something wrong with me.

Being someone who has depression and PTSD, I get that there will always be this little voice in the back of my head that tells me I’m not good enough, that no one likes me. It’s as if that voice is just lying there waiting for the perfect moment to strike, and seeing the people i really care about sitting across from me, but at the same time somewhere else entirely, gives  that voice a chance to have a field day in my head.  I have come to the realization that these types of thoughts will never go away. I know its something I will have to live with for the  rest of my life and I’m okay with that. Better yet I’ve come to terms with it.

If I’ve learned one thing from my experience it is to be in the moment and enjoy whats happening around me. Not whats gonna happen, or what happened yesterday, but whats happening right now. When they say to be in the moment I take that to mean to be present in the here and now. And let me stress the importance on the here! But as I look around I guess my generation kind of missed the point with social media, texting, surfing the internet.

You can do all of these things anywhere you want to and while I will admit it is pretty cool, there is a downside to mobile communication. It takes people away from whats right in front of their face –  actual human

connection.  You know that thing that  makes us feel a part of something.

Not to say I’m perfect because I can get caught up in it just as easily as anyone else, but for me the more I feel connected online the less I feel connected in real life. And that’s never a good thing when you are struggling with mental and behavioral health stuff.

I want to issue a challenge to you all, the next time you’re hanging out with friends or just having a conversation, put down the screen and see whats right in front of you. If you are out in  nature, watching a sunset, or on a hike, instead of taking a picture just look at beauty all around you. Experience it in real life, and don’t lessen the moment so you can show everyone on Facebook, or Snapchat that you are having fun.  Just enjoy the moment for the fucking miracle that it is. The miracle that you are alive today to truly enjoy whats going on in the here and now.

 

~Geoffrey Davis is a speaker and author who is winning the battle that comes with mental illness. He is the co-founder of DASIUM a company leading the way in the prevention of depression, addiction and suicide in teens and young adults and wrote the book Warning Signs to bring hope to families across the nation.

The post Military Mental Health: Is Social Media Stealing Your Happiness? appeared first on Judy Davis The Direction Diva.

Is Social Media Stealing Your Happiness?

As we kick off Mental Health Awareness Month I want to begin with some insight that my son had over the weekend into how social media really steals the joy from our lives. He shares this piece of writing with me and I was struck by how it opened my eyes to the connection between social media and our mental health. His excerpt highlights the reality of living with the challenges of depression and how we can feel alone even in a room full of people. I read it and got a loud and clear message that I think we all need to hear. So I ask you…

Is Social Media Stealing Your Happiness? by Geoffrey Davis

Sitting at my favorite coffee shop with a group of friends I wonder why I feel so alone. Why do I feel like I’m the only one who wants to be here? I’m surrounded by my best friends who are absent of mind all who seem to be  controlled by this small rectangle in their hands that seems to dictate what we are doing at all times. As I look around the table,  I see that I’m the only one who isn’t staring at this little screen in my hand and can’t help but wonder if there is something wrong with me.

Being someone who has depression and PTSD, I get that there will always be this little voice in the back of my head that tells me I’m not good enough, that no one likes me. It’s as if that voice is just lying there waiting for the perfect moment to strike, and seeing the people i really care about sitting across from me, but at the same time somewhere else entirely, gives  that voice a chance to have a field day in my head.  I have come to the realization that these types of thoughts will never go away. I know its something I will have to live with for the  rest of my life and I’m okay with that. Better yet I’ve come to terms with it.

If I’ve learned one thing from my experience it is to be in the moment and enjoy whats happening around me. Not whats gonna happen, or what happened yesterday, but whats happening right now. When they say to be in the moment I take that to mean to be present in the here and now. And let me stress the importance on the here! But as I look around I guess my generation kind of missed the point with social media, texting, surfing the internet.

You can do all of these things anywhere you want to and while I will admit it is pretty cool, there is a downside to mobile communication. It takes people away from whats right in front of their face –  actual human

connection.  You know that thing that  makes us feel a part of something.

Not to say I’m perfect because I can get caught up in it just as easily as anyone else, but for me the more I feel connected online the less I feel connected in real life. And that’s never a good thing when you are struggling with mental and behavioral health stuff.

I want to issue a challenge to you all, the next time you’re hanging out with friends or just having a conversation, put down the screen and see whats right in front of you. If you are out in  nature, watching a sunset, or on a hike, instead of taking a picture just look at beauty all around you. Experience it in real life, and don’t lessen the moment so you can show everyone on Facebook, or Snapchat that you are having fun.  Just enjoy the moment for the fucking miracle that it is. The miracle that you are alive today to truly enjoy whats going on in the here and now.

 

~Geoffrey Davis is a speaker and author who is winning the battle that comes with mental illness. He is the co-founder of DASIUM a company leading the way in the prevention of depression, addiction and suicide in teens and young adults and wrote the book Warning Signs to bring hope to families across the nation.

The post Is Social Media Stealing Your Happiness? appeared first on Judy Davis The Direction Diva.

Military Life: Are We Alienating The Male Military Spouse?

I’m inclusive, I reach out to the newcomer, I’m supportive of all military spouses and I love my military life. I’m all of these things; UNTIL I’m not. And today it’s been brought to my attention that without realizing it we have once again alienated the male military spouse. Don’t see it? Neither did I…that is until today.

This morning as I was sharing information on a free military spouse event (get more details here) one of my all time favorite military spouse advocates sent me a message with a simple statement. Jeremy Hilton shared:

“I’m starting to get the message that men aren’t wanted at these events”.

As I read the message I instantly wanted to insure him that we always include all spouses and began to frantically type… But I stopped before I hit send. One by one flyers for various events came across my feed. Without exception the verbiage was written to the female military spouse. Whether it was an “All branches luncheon for Officer Wives”,  a “Womens Conference open to all military spouses” or any of the other local and national marketing I’ve been able to uncover in the last hour there is definitely something that we are NOT doing.

We are not making the male military spouses feel welcome. And not because we don’t want them there nor because we aren’t sensitive to their needs. It’s because we aren’t thinking about that segment of the population when we design our flyers and invitations. The result is an entire group of spouses who feel ouster-sized and unwelcome. Now to be fair and balanced they often don’t come or when they do, they don’t come back. It’s a problem that needs action on both sides.

So how do we fix it?

My initial reaction was “create a male spouse event”, but let’s be real how am I supposed to know exactly what a male spouse is looking for? I am “man” enough to admit that is way out of my expertise. So no…it’s not about more events (although I do think an event put on by male spouses that has me doing a keynote about how to REALLY understand your wife with a cigar bar and home brew competition would be AWESOME). How do we do a better job at bringing male spouses into the fold and making them feel welcome? Once again I believe that it’s not about the big stuff, it’s the day to day little things that will add up to make all the difference.

Here are some great places to start:

Change the verbiage:

Instead of wives, wife and girlfriend substitute spouse. Officer Spouse, Military spouse, Army spouse…you get the point.
Have a Conference or a Spouses Conference rather than a woman’s or Army Wife conference


Invite male spouses to sit on your planning committee/board and be open to changing things up and doing things differently.
Run your content/copy by them to insure it’s speaking to them not alienating them.
Include male spouse entrepreneurs in your inner circle.
Reach out to veteran rockstars like Jeremy Hilton, Chris Pape, Dave Etter and the other male spouses who are doing some incredible things and integrate them into your events, projects & outreach efforts. Their perspective is incredibly powerful and many have important and relevant messages to share.

As I wrap this up, I do have to say something to all the men out there. If you want things to change, the quickest way to make that happen is to get involved and speak up. Go to and create events on your installation, be part of the planning committee and take action to help make things better. Be “in it”, be a part of the process and I promise that flyer will get changed before it gets out to any distro list. Complaining about feeling left out from the sidelines doesn’t fly – nor does it help to change anything.

How do I know this is true? Because over the last 4 years I’ve seen how male spouses can change how things are done. Both Chris Pape and Jeremy Hilton have called me to the carpet for using “girl language” and pointed out ways in which the male spouses don’t feel welcome. And I listened. They did not complained but rather made suggestions on how things could be better and work hard to give the male spouses a voice as they advocate for the entire military community.

Was I mad at them when they broached various topics with me or told me I really needed to hold off on the tea party and bon bon references?  ABSOLUTELY NOT! In fact their feedback and input has made me better not only personally as a military spouse, but professionally as a speaker/author.

It’s time both sides stepped up and made an effort to listen, adjust and work together to create the change that we all want. An inclusive and strong military spouse community that helps one another get through the difficult moments and is there to celebrate the homecomings and incredible moments that only this lifestyle can bring. We are better together.

Male Spouses:

I’d welcome any tips and suggestions that can help us better support you!

Pop them into the comments below!

 

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author, lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of DASIUM , Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Risk?  are go to resources for families and those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

The post Military Life: Are We Alienating The Male Military Spouse? appeared first on Judy Davis The Direction Diva.

Military Spouse Life: You Are The Glue!

Last night I attended an event that is part of a week long tradition among the Engineer Regiment. As part of military life and regimental week here on Fort Leonard Wood, military spouse events are as much a part of the weeks powerful lineup as the laying of the wreath ceremony, best sapper competition or the Regimental Ball. And this years Engineer Spouses Night Out didn’t disappoint.

While the event was full of laughter and fun it was so much more than that for me – it was a wake up call that I didn’t even know I needed. Up until last night I hadn’t realized that since we PCS’d here to Ft Leonard Wood that I’d been disconnected from the spouse community. Sure I have my online spouse community and I travel to installations regularly to speak, but without realizing it, I was missing the most important thing. The thing that helps me keep it together and prevents me from fraying at the edges. I was missing my local peeps.

I was missing the glue.

It’s easy to get caught up in work and home life believing that online connections are a strong enough support system to get us through military life. But last night showed me that a quick messenger conversation or a comment reply convo are NOT a substitute for the laughter and camaraderie that happens only with in-person contact.

At one point during the evening, as part of a game, each table was asked to describe their engineer.  All of us around the table began to spit out descriptions, adjectives, quirks and sayings about our soldiers that had us high-fiving and smiling. Instantly there was a bond of understanding and acceptance that only military spouses can understand – a silent acknowledgement that we “get it”.

The Glue.

Over simple conversations about our lives we shared ourselves, connected and stepped away from the stress and chaos of our daily lives. At one point I learned that the woman across from me had a son getting ready to graduate from college – her baby was truly leaving the nest and she was struggling with the transition. A retired spouse shared so much just by being there – as if she was letting us know that this is a forever type of family. And a veteran spouse who had been here less than a month reminded us all how important it is to create your tribe early on.

Military Spouse Tip: Connecting with #milspouses who GET IT will help you keep it together
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None of those realizations were part of the verbal conversations, each of us just got the message loud and clear in a way that only being in the same space can do.

The military spouse is the glue that holds military community together. We are the backbone, the compass and all those other sayings that mean we are responsible for keeping things moving forward. We motivate, inspire and support our service member so they can do their job. We need to keep it together in order to do just that and the best way to do just that is to bond with people who get your life, surround yourself with people who see the good parts and the uniqueness that comes with this lifestyle.

Who/What is the glue helping you keep it together?

 

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author, lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of DASIUM , Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Risk?  are go to resources for families and those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

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