Judy Davis's Blog, page 4

Small Business Fail: What I Realized A Day After A Failed Marketing Campaign

As a small business owner, there isn’t a greater feeling than running a successful campaign that results in sales. It starts with having a good quality product and ends with the acknowledgement that your efforts weren’t for not. As a blogger I hope that a post goes viral and my team does a happy dance when our landing pages convert to sales. But what do you do when you plan and execute with precision, there are no glitches or issues with driving traffic, the buzz is palpable and in the end the sales conversion is a flat-line? A complete failure. What do you do?

You cry. Seriously. As an entrepreneur you cry. And then you try to figure out what the hell happened.

And that’s exactly what I’m trying to do today – figure out what the hell happened on Friday. I am sitting here looking at the analytics with tears streaming down my cheeks because I am beyond frustrated. Scratch that I’m sad and baffled when it comes to sales for one of my resources. Since it’s launch in 2014 my book for military spouses titled Right Side Up hasn’t ever gotten much traction – a fact that has both myself and my publisher – as she put it – puzzled. Last Friday the book was featured for their Fabulous Friday campaign. For a full day anyone could get a copy for only $5.

We had a campaign that generated thousands of impressions, high click thru rates and lots of buzz. And when all was said and done we sold 1 (no that isn’t a typo) 1 book. The numbers just don’t measure up and it isn’t translating with respect to feedback or how other resources of ours do. Which as an entrepreneur can be VERY frustrating.

Here is where my business head goes:

People asked for the product, but don’t purchase the product.
I regularly receive emails about how much the tips and strategies within the book help military spouses.
I’m told over and over again that dealing with the emotional side of military life is something people in our community are looking for.
And when I speak and the guests receive the book as a gift – the reviews are phenomenal and pour in for weeks.
But bottom line if there isn’t a sale there is a problem either with the sales process or the product itself.

The entrepreneur in me isn’t attached to this reality. It’s like a calculus problem begging to be solved. So I dig in, analyze the data and ask questions like:

Is it the title?
Is it the cover?
Is it the message?
Why when I do a similar campaign for Warning Signs it works, but with Right Side UP it doesn’t?
How can I do a better job of showing them how the book can improve their life?
Is it a subject/product that people are willing to pay for?

But the human part of me, the insecure part that cries real tears and questions if owning a small business is worth the stress wonders:

Why is it that no one really wants the book enough to buy it?
Is my message just not resonating with the military spouse community.
Maybe I’m not cut out to swim in this niche
Is it true when my mother says I’m not really much of a writer?
Perhaps it’s time to move over and let the new and younger spouses do their thing.
What am I doing wrong?

The hardest part about being a small business owner in the military community is that so much of the products I create and the services I offer have pieces of me in them. In other business ventures it wasn’t the case making it was easier to analyze, evaluate and focus without the emotional attachment. But the mission is different and I long to understand what is going on – but I know in my heart what it is. And I don’t like the answer.

I can’t help but realize that I’ve also forgotten the small business rule I share with anyone I coach.

You can’t build a small business on what people need,

you build it on what they will pay for and then give them what they need.

Success Tip: Build your #smallbiz on what people will pay for & give them what they need
Click To Tweet

For me Friday’s dismal results were the reminder I needed to look at my business without taking things so personally. Passion and heart are only a piece of what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur. It begins there, but it also will blind you to the realities that present themselves.

In business there isn’t room for hurt feelings. In business we measure progress and success by numbers that tell a story and bring a message. A message that we can choose to listen to, ignore or fight with. If we listen to the message without emotional attachment we will know what actions to take that will bring success and profitability.

The message I’m being told by our efforts for Right Side Up is one of two things –

Either I’m selling the right product to the wrong market or
I’m selling the wrong product to the right market

No matter which is true, both provide valuable feedback that will direct our next steps to moving our business forward. Every day as a solo-preneur my goal is to help others, but ultimately I can’t do that unless I win the end game which is to create AND sell quality products and services that keep the doors open and support my family. But not every campaign unfolds with the kind of results you predicted. And that’s ok.

What matters is what we do with the results and whether or not we let the numbers mess with our drive and passion. Successful entrepreneurs are the ones who use the information rather than let it consume them and hold them back from their passion.

 

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of LivingThruCrisis.com , Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Risk are go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

The post Small Business Fail: What I Realized A Day After A Failed Marketing Campaign appeared first on Judy Davis The Direction Diva.

Are You Ready To Be Happy In Military Life?

I’ll be the first to admit that when I became a military spouse I had no idea how to handle the logistics, change and stress that came with the military life. I was the epitome of fake it ’til you make it and often made things so much harder on myself than they needed to be.  But over the years I’ve gone from overwhelmed and stressed out to resilient in ways I never knew possible. I have felt powerless and learned to overcome situations and challenges and I’ve become stronger.

At my husbands promotion ceremony the other day I was asked what I do besides take care of my military family. Little did the soldier know that his question would trigger a serious introspection on my part. While I answered that I was a motivational speaker and teen suicide prevention expert my thoughts spun off trying to answer the question “What do I do BESIDES take care of my military family”.

Why was this such a difficult question for me? Because what I do as my profession IS to take care of military spouses, military significant others, military kids, military moms – MY military family. It is my passion to help others navigate a lifestyle that isn’t always easy.

Now that my own children are grown and our house is an empty nest, I get my mom on by supporting, educating and even administering an attitude adjustment every now and again. Heck I even wrote Right Side Up to support military families so they would have the tools and strategies I wish I had when finding ways to deal with this crazy life.

The best part about doing what I do is that I get to help people answer YES to the question:

Are You Ready to Be Happy in Military Life?

At every installation I meet people who are miserable. They are stressed out and their military experience has turned their entire life upside down. But it doesn’t have to be that way. In fact when you

Establish a Firm Footing
Calm the Chaos
Flush the Stress
Respond to Change and
Find YOUR Way within this life

you will be happier. How do I know that? Because I have had to do all of these things to get to the place I am today. A place that doesn’t look at military life as a burden, but rather an opportunity. But how do you do that? How do you turn your life back around when the ride gets bumpy? Well first you get a copy of Right Side Up which gives you strategies and tips for dealing with all of these things, and then you follow my blog and Facebook feed – because I share cool stuff to help you navigate military life

Military Family: What You Need to Know About Your #MetLifeTDP Dental Benefits

This post was sponsored by the MetLife TRICARE Dental Program as part of an Ambassador Program for Influence Central.

For me the start of a new year signals that it’s time to take a look at our finances. I use this time of year to insure that all of our ducks are in a row when it comes to things like insurance, retirement savings and budgeting. And while I have shared how much I really hate budgets I know the importance of having a plan which includes looking at every aspect of our financial situation and how it affects our military family.

One of the things we learned early on in our marriage is the importance of having insurance – because while the premiums do have a small impact on our monthly discretionary spending it’s nothing compared to the bill that comes if we need care, get into an accident or something happens to our home.

As a military family we are fortunate to have the option to purchase dental care in addiction to our regular Tricare Medical benefits, and I’m actually surprised at how many families choose not to participate. For us dental care is one of those optional services that has proven worthwhile over and over again. From cracked fillings to routine care we have definitely gotten our moneys worth.

Need Dental Coverage for your Military Family?

The MetLife TRICARE Dental Program (TDP) program is available to Active Duty, Selected Reserve (SELRES) and Individual Ready Reserve (IRR) service members and their families. (Check them out on Facebook if you aren’t familiar with who they are and what they provide). Service members can get dental insurance for themselves and their military family members in various combinations that work for their particular circumstances.

Sponsor only
Single enrollment – one family member, not sponsor
Family enrollment – more than one family member, not sponsor
Sponsor and family

Actually getting signed up is a simple process and there are 4 ways you can do so. The simplest are going online to www.tricare.mil/bwe or callingl 1-855-638-8371 CONUS, 1-855-638-8372 OCONUS, or 1-855-638-8373 TDD/TTY

Important points to remember:

Your first payment will be due at the time of enrollment.
If initial payment is received by the 20th of the month, coverage will begin the first day of the month following the date of receipt (For Example: if payed by February 20, 2016 you will have coverage March 1, 2016).  If the initial premiums payment is received after the 20th of the month, coverage will second month after receipt of the documents (For Example: if payed on February 21, 2016 your coverage will begin April 1, 2016).

Already Have Coverage? Need to know changes that apply to your military family.

If you currently take advantage of the Tricare Dental Program there are changes in your premiums that you need to know about which take effect on February 1, 2016 and reflected on your end of month LES as outlined below:

 

This post has lots of information about the Military Family Dental Program (get more info here) but it’s not the only thing you should be looking at as 2016 unfolds. I always suggest that as you think about filing your taxes you also look into the rest of your families insurance needs/premiums, credit reports and overall budget. Taking some time to review your entire financial picture really helps to reduce stress and insures you have the coverage that you will need throughout the coming months.

 

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of LivingThruCrisis.com , Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Risk are go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

The post Military Family: What You Need to Know About Your #MetLifeTDP Dental Benefits appeared first on Judy Davis The Direction Diva.

Small Business Life: Blogger Tips I Wish I Knew From The Start

As someone with a small business I know hindsight is often 20-20. And today is no different. Today as I learned some new blogger tips I realize once again how much I don’t know. Who knows maybe up until the last 6 months I never thought of myself as a blogger. More of a motivational speaker who needed a way to stay in touch with people who came to my events. As a result of that mindset I did what many new bloggers do, I got a free WordPress site and began to write. I wrote whenever I was inspired and eventually began short daily direction moments. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, had no idea about keywords and didn’t care too much about google analytics. Heck I thought I had arrived when I got my first comment. Only now do I wish I could start over and do things right from the beginning. So today I’ll share some blogging advice I wish I had received a few years ago.

But before I share the tips, let me share how I got from happy dancing over a comment to so completely frustrated with the number of pageviews that I’ve committed to learning all the things I wished I had known from the start. Almost 2 years ago, armed with a few regular followers and an entrepreneurial side that wouldn’t quit I learned just enough about self-hosting to be dangerous. I took the plunge and added a google analytics plugin and learned a little about SEO. and Filled up my meta places with anything I could think of that would tell people I was on the scene. Fast forward to many missed opportunities for sponsorship and lots of confusion about how to blog as a business I decided to do some research for some tips that would help me increase my pageviews and lower my bounce rates.

And over the last month I have been all over the place. I’m in that place where I know enough to know that I set up my entire blog and the back-end of my site all wrong. I know that I’ve not used keywords correctly and I realize that the efforts that I’ve put in have actually worked against me when it comes to organic traffic generation. If I could do it all over I would have definitely hired a coach to walk me through what to do. But since I can’t do that I might as well help you out by sharing the first set of 

Small Business Blogging Tips I Wish I knew:

You can’t be everything to everyone and blogging is no exception. When I started I had a little to say about a lot of things. The result is that I didn’t differentiate myself to the google gods. If you look at my analytics I’m a go to for “yoda quotes” and “military life” why? Because I nailed the SEO for a couple of posts in which I quoted Yoda and have used the term military life so much that it was a default. I wish I would have started with 2-4 topics that met the needs of the people in my niche market. Hindsight tells me to build those topics with rich and meaningful content and then broaden out based on feedback and demand.
Google Analytics is your friend. Until recently Google Analytics was a necessary evil in my eyes. You need it to get partnerships with brands but when you have no idea what settings to use or where to put it on your site so that it actually works (The Header is where you want the code FYI). I didn’t know how much I didn’t know until I took a FREE class “Skyrocket your pageviews with Google Analytics” thru Massive Sway. Not only did I get a ton from the course, but  I loved their content so much that I want to recommend that you get the Ebook  once you are done watching the 3 videos =>  (full disclosure I do get a referral perk if you get it thru me). Take the time to educate yourself, find a mentor even hire someone to help you out but no matter how you do it, if you are going to blog professionally, you have to make friends with google analytics.
Find Your Peeps. The greatest part about owning a small business and being a military lifestyle blogger (aka milblogger) is the people who are walking the walk with me. I love that we work together to troubleshoot and promote each other and when I learn something new I am excited to pass along the info. I am a firm believer in cooperation over competition and have found some incredible facebook groups and collaborative pinterest boards that help me reach my goals.
Traction.  For a long time I thought that traction and having a post go viral was akin to waving a magic wand. Viral posts happen like pouring gasoline onto embers. They can explode your pageviews, increase your followers and raise your street cred and it’s not magic at all. In fact you can help the entire process by pushing out posts more frequently as they begin to reach new audiences. The moment you see a post getting shared, likes and comments popping or you see that some other blogging buddy shared your content start putting it out there even stronger. The search engines will wake up and help your efforts in an organic way as a reward.

As I continue to learn and grow I’m happy to share so your journey isn’t filled with an analytics page that looks like the latest roller coaster ride.

 

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of LivingThruCrisis.com , Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Risk are go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

The post Small Business Life: Blogger Tips I Wish I Knew From The Start appeared first on Judy Davis The Direction Diva.

SmallBiz Life: Blogger Tips I Wish I Knew From The Start

As someone who has a small biz or 2 I know hindsight is often 20-20. But if I have another day where I’m reminded of that I may scream. Today as I learned some new blogger tips I realize once again how much I don’t know. Who knows maybe up until the last 6 months I never thought of myself as a blogger. More of a motivational speaker who needed a way to stay in touch with people who came to my events. As a result of that mindset I did what many new bloggers do, I got a free WordPress site and began to write. I wrote whenever I was inspired and eventually began short daily direction moments. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, had no idea about keywords and didn’t care too much about google analytics. Heck I thought I had arrived when I got my first comment. Only now do I wish I could start over and do things right from the beginning. So today I’ll share some blogging advice I wish I had received a few years ago.

But before I share the tips, let me share how I got from happy dancing over a comment to so completely frustrated with the number of pageviews that I’ve committed to learning all the things I wished I had known from the start. Almost 2 years ago, armed with a few regular followers and an entrepreneurial side that wouldn’t quit I learned just enough about self-hosting to be dangerous. I took the plunge and added a google analytics plugin and learned a little about SEO. and Filled up my meta places with anything I could think of that would tell people I was on the scene. Fast forward to many missed opportunities for sponsorship and lots of confusion about how to blog as a business I decided to do some research for some tips that would help me increase my pageviews and lower my bounce rates.

And over the last month I have been all over the place. I’m in that place where I know enough to know that I set up my entire blog and the back-end of my site all wrong. I know that I’ve not used keywords correctly and I realize that the efforts that I’ve put in have actually worked against me when it comes to organic traffic generation. If I could do it all over I would have definitely hired a coach to walk me through what to do. But since I can’t do that I might as well help you out by sharing the first set of 

Blogging Tips I Wish I knew:

You can’t be everything to everyone and blogging is no exception. When I started I had a little to say about a lot of things. The result is that I didn’t differentiate myself to the google gods. If you look at my analytics I’m a go to for “yoda quotes” and “military life” why? Because I nailed the SEO for a couple of posts in which I quoted Yoda and have used the term military life so much that it was a default. I wish I would have started with 2-4 topics that met the needs of the people in my niche market. Hindsight tells me to build those topics with rich and meaningful content and then broaden out based on feedback and demand.
Google Analytics is your friend. Until recently Google Analytics was a necessary evil in my eyes. You need it to get partnerships with brands but when you have no idea what settings to use or where to put it on your site so that it actually works (The Header is where you want the code FYI). I didn’t know how much I didn’t know until I took a FREE class “Skyrocket your pageviews with Google Analytics” thru Massive Sway. Not only did I get a ton from the course, but  I loved their content so much that I want to recommend that you get the Ebook  once you are done watching the 3 videos =>  (full disclosure I do get a referral perk if you get it thru me). Take the time to educate yourself, find a mentor even hire someone to help you out but no matter how you do it, if you are going to blog professionally, you have to make friends with google analytics.
Find Your Peeps. The greatest part about owning a smallbiz and being a military lifestyle blogger (aka milblogger) is the people who are walking the walk with me. I love that we work together to troubleshoot and promote each other and when I learn something new I am excited to pass along the info. I am a firm believer in cooperation over competition and have found some incredible facebook groups and collaborative pinterest boards that help me reach my goals.
Traction.  For a long time I thought that traction and having a post go viral was akin to waving a magic wand. Viral posts happen like pouring gasoline onto embers. They can explode your pageviews, increase your followers and raise your street cred and it’s not magic at all. In fact you can help the entire process by pushing out posts more frequently as they begin to reach new audiences. The moment you see a post getting shared, likes and comments popping or you see that some other blogging buddy shared your content start putting it out there even stronger. The search engines will wake up and help your efforts in an organic way as a reward.

As I continue to learn and grow I’m happy to share so your journey isn’t filled with an analytics page that looks like the latest roller coaster ride.

 

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of LivingThruCrisis.com , Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Risk are go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

The post SmallBiz Life: Blogger Tips I Wish I Knew From The Start appeared first on Judy Davis The Direction Diva.

Be a Happy Military Spouse: Honor What’s Important To You

The other day I was standing in line at our local Starbucks and I was anything but a happy military spouse. As I was trying to decide what to get, I heard a girl talking about how she wished that she had reacted differently in a recent confrontation with a fellow PTO mom. She wished she had spoken her mind and stayed true to what she felt was important rather than giving in to the demands of this other military spouse. Bottom line she was beating herself up because she didn’t honor what was important to her and had reacted differently than she wanted to. Her reactions and the resulting “beat my self up” thoughts were really making her unhappy and I wished she knew a little secret I discovered a while ago.

I know I’ve talked about reactions in the past (Are you a reactor?) and once again I’m reminded how our reactions affect not only our general thoughts about ourselves but our feel good vibes about our lives in general. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked away from a situation knowing that I didn’t honor what was important to me and I was miserable. I may have decided to keep my mouth shut to keep the peace, or was tongue tied because I was shocked at the situation, but whatever the reason, I often walked away wishing I had handled things differently. Not to mention I wasted a lot of time when I spent the next 2 days replaying the conversation over and over beating myself up for not handling it better.

But I have learned that to be happy I have to keep this statement at the forefront of my thoughts:

To be a happy military spouse: Honor what’s important, know what you

believe in and don’t be afraid to let others know where you stand.

Typically I am not one for confrontation, but as an authentic milspouse I’ve learned that the only person who suffers when I either don’t know what I think about something, or I’m afraid to speak up about it is me. So I now make a conscious effort to be authentic and if they can’t handle it, I walk away with my head held high.

It is so important to know what it is that really matters to us, what we believe in and what we stand for  because when you know these things, we speak and act in a way that is empowering. We don’t let others manipulate and influence our actions and we don’t second guess our actions and have regrets. When we know ourselves and stay true to that which we believe we become powerful, confident and satisfied. When we are authentic our integrity and personality shine bright and we don’t compromise what’s important just to keep the peace.

To move toward your ideal life honor the things you feel strongly about.
Click To Tweet

The core of who we are stems from the values we hold true, and compromising that results in a life far from what we truly desire.  So honor the things you feel strongly about and move towards your ideal life, and remember

True relationships allow you to be who you are at all times
Not everyone is going to like you and that’s OK!
Being true to yourself doesn’t mean you can be rude, inconsiderate or full of yourself.
Being assertive and standing up for your beliefs is key to a fulfilling and happy life
A real honest to goodness feel it in your bones kind of happiness will only be present when and if you honor yourself and what you really stand for.

 

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of LivingThruCrisis.com , Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Risk are go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

The post Be a Happy Military Spouse: Honor What’s Important To You appeared first on Judy Davis The Direction Diva.

Honor What’s Important by Judy Davis, The Direction Diva

The other day I was standing in line at our local Starbucks and I heard a girl talking about how she wished that she had reacted differently in a recent confrontation with a fellow PTO mom. She wished she had spoken her mind and stayed true to what she felt was important rather than giving in. Bottom line she was beating herself up because she didn’t honor what’s important to her and reacted differently than she wanted to.

I know I’ve talked about reactions in the past (Are you a reactor?) and once again I’m reminded how our reactions affect not only our general thoughts about ourselves but our feel good vibes about our lives in general. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked away from a situation knowing that I didn’t honor what was important to me and I was miserable. I may have decided to keep my mouth shut to keep the peace, or was tongue tied because I was shocked at the situation, but whatever the reason, I often walked away wishing I had handled things differently. Not to mention I wasted a lot of time when I spent the next 2 days replaying the conversation over and over beating myself up for not handling it better.

But I have learned that to be happy I have to keep this statement at the forefront of my thoughts:

Honor What’s Important, know what you believe in and

don’t be afraid to let others know where you stand.

Typically I am not one for confrontation, but I’ve learned that the only person who suffers when I either don’t know what I think about something, or I’m afraid to speak up about it is me. So I now make a conscious effort to be authentic and if they can’t handle it, I walk away with my head held high.

It is so important to know what it is that really matters to us, what we believe in and what we stand for  because when you know these things, we speak and act in a way that is empowering. We don’t let others manipulate and influence our actions and we don’t second guess our actions and have regrets. When we know ourselves and stay true to that which we believe we become powerful, confident and satisfied. When we are authentic our integrity and personality shine bright and we don’t compromise what’s important just to keep the peace.

To move toward your ideal life honor the things you feel strongly about.
Click To Tweet

The core of who we are stems from the values we hold true, and compromising that results in a life far from what we truly desire.  So honor the things you feel strongly about and move towards your ideal life, and remember

True relationships allow you to be who you are at all times
Not everyone is going to like you and that’s OK!
Being true to yourself doesn’t mean you can be rude, inconsiderate or full of yourself.
Being assertive and standing up for your beliefs is key to a fulfilling and happy life
A real honest to goodness feel it in your bones kind of happiness will only be present when and if you honor yourself and what you really stand for.

 

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of LivingThruCrisis.com , Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Risk are go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

The post Honor What’s Important by Judy Davis, The Direction Diva appeared first on Judy Davis The Direction Diva.

Stop Living Your Military Life On Autopilot by Judy Davis, The Direction Diva

Recently I read a quote by the Greek philosopher Epictetus which not only said one of the most powerful things I have heard in a long time but reminded me to stop living my military life on autopilot.  He shared “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters”.  So simple, but easily forgotten.

As we go through our lives we are often on autopilot, and what happens “to us” dictates how we feel and what actions we take.  But shouldn’t we have more control than that?  I mean we all have the power of free will and choice, so why do we “react” to the world rather than take the reigns and create our lives?

I don’t know about you, but I fluctuate back and forth between reacting and creating.  I tend to create when I’m energized, feel good and am thinking about all that is right in my world, and I react when I fall into the “I’m tired of ….” mode.

When I looked at the Epictetus’ quote, I realized that the fluctuation I sometimes see is caused by my reactions.  Instead of putting out the “good juju” as I call it (my kids still roll their eyes every time I go into “MOM’s energy crap” but hey….) it becomes easier to “put out and feed” the negative feelings that arise in difficult times.

And it’s easier because you can always find someone who helps feed the cycle of negativity. I know that I’ve blogged about this before, but let me say this again because it is SO important,and we all need reminding (lol experience talking there!) ….the people you surround yourself are critical!  Who you are around and how they react directly impacts how you react.  And how you react to what presents itself dictates your experience and in turn your ability to enjoy your life.

So if you want to have a life filled with love, happiness and a cycle of “good juju”, hang around with people who create their lives! Hang out with people who don’t spend time in “reaction mode”, but spend their time loving their life and focusing on all that is working.   Create forgiveness, create the silver lining and above all else take yourself off of autopilot and pay attention to what is working.  If we focus on these things, the things that really matter our lives will improve in an instant…..it’s all about choosing to focus on what feels right and acting on that!

 

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of LivingThruCrisis.com , Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Risk are go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

The post Stop Living Your Military Life On Autopilot by Judy Davis, The Direction Diva appeared first on Judy Davis The Direction Diva.

Stop Living Your Life On Autopilot by Judy Davis, The Direction Diva

Recently I read a quote by the Greek philosopher Epictetus which not only said one of the most powerful things I have heard in a long time but reminded me to stop living your life on autopilot.  He shared “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters”.  So simple, but easily forgotten.

As we go through our lives we are often on autopilot, and what happens “to us” dictates how we feel and what actions we take.  But shouldn’t we have more control than that?  I mean we all have the power of free will and choice, so why do we “react” to the world rather than take the reigns and create our lives?

I don’t know about you, but I fluctuate back and forth between reacting and creating.  I tend to create when I’m energized, feel good and am thinking about all that is right in my world, and I react when I fall into the “I’m tired of ….” mode.

When I looked at the Epictetus’ quote, I realized that the fluctuation I sometimes see is caused by my reactions.  Instead of putting out the “good juju” as I call it (my kids still roll their eyes every time I go into “MOM’s energy crap” but hey….) it becomes easier to “put out and feed” the negative feelings that arise in difficult times.

And it’s easier because you can always find someone who helps feed the cycle of negativity. I know that I’ve blogged about this before, but let me say this again because it is SO important,and we all need reminding (lol experience talking there!) ….the people you surround yourself are critical!  Who you are around and how they react directly impacts how you react.  And how you react to what presents itself dictates your experience and in turn your ability to enjoy your life.

So if you want to have a life filled with love, happiness and a cycle of “good juju”, hang around with people who create their lives! Hang out with people who don’t spend time in “reaction mode”, but spend their time loving their life and focusing on all that is working.   Create forgiveness, create the silver lining and above all else take yourself off of autopilot and pay attention to what is working.  If we focus on these things, the things that really matter our lives will improve in an instant…..it’s all about choosing to focus on what feels right and acting on that!

 

~Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of LivingThruCrisis.com , Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Risk are go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

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The Authentic Milspouse: A Collection From your Favorite Military Life Blogs!

One of my goals as I navigate military life is to be an authentic military spouse. And every year I choose a word to motivate and push me toward my ideal life. I have been inspired by gratitude, balance, strength and last year I even wrote about Focus and the power that word had for me. Fellow military spouse Jennifer Pilcher of Military One Click also chooses a word and talks about it in a recent piece titled Entrepreneur Resolutions. But what I love most about what she shared isn’t the word, but more the spirit in which she talks about how she came up with it. Raw, real and authentic. And that’s what we have today, posts from some of the top military life bloggers who are truly authentic  and share from the heart.

Before I get into the meat of the post, I wanted tell you that this year my word is: GROWTH. Growth personally and professionally. Growth in the logistics as well as the emotional side of my life. Growth so I can truly be an authentic milspouse. This whole concept of growth gets me excited and terrified all at the same time – because I know from experience that growth isn’t always easy. And then the ego side gets all caught up in my body image issues saying as long as my butt doesn’t continue to grow….

Truth be told I really struggled to choose a word this year. I wanted something powerful and easy while at the same time inspiring and focused. And when I finally narrowed it down to a choice between authentic and growth I decided to enlist some help so I could choose and spoke with a friend about it. After listening to my thoughts – and insecurities around choosing a word that could potentially grow the size of my pants, she politely told me that choosing authentic was like taking a free pass. (Note to self: “You are grateful when your friends challenge you to be stronger”). So Growth it was.

But in true Judy form, I couldn’t just leave it at that. I still wondered why authentic had such a huge draw for me, and after doing some digging, I realized it boiled down to the fact that lately authenticity seems to be missing in my relationships, and especially in our military community. For far to long we have covered up our feelings, fears and insecurities because as spouses we are supposed to be strong. We are taught to suck it up and fake it til you make it. We are told to put on a brave face and put it out there that our lives and businesses are running smoothly – even when that’s far from the truth. But how does that do any of us any good?

It is a double-edged sword really – because if you are authentic in your military life, people can see you as weak or worse – the dreaded “dependopatamus”. But if you act strong but inside are feeling anything but, your mental and physical health will suffer. The reality is that we are all strong and weak, independent and dependent, authentic and fake. We are all – depending on the day – amazing military spouses or broken human beings who are not managing our lives very well. And guess what…

It’s OK…

In fact if we were authentic – I mean really raw and real – I know we’d be better off. How do I know this? Because over and over again I’m shown that is what ya’ll want. You respond, comment and share the writings, tweets, and posts that are authentic, vulnerable and relevant to your REAL life. So I thought I’d pull together some of my favorite raw, sassy, spirited and heartfelt quotes and posts that have caused a stir, raised an eyebrow or addressed a touchy or meaningful subject.

Authentic Milspouse: Raw & Real posts from some incredible military life bloggers.

Elizabeth from the Reluctant Landlord discusses a topic we all would rather ignore and shares real and by the numbers information on death benefits and the financial impact you will experience. Read the full post here

Susan Reynolds give some pretty great advice to a child with a learning disability. “Learn to embrace your difference.  Thinking and learning differently is a gift” Read the full post here

Jo, My Gosh shares some of the realities about how tough life can be when you are a military service members’ significant other. From fidelity to confidence learn the 5 reasons why you shouldn’t date someone in the military. Read the full post here 

Heather from Only Passionate Curiosity gets real about breastfeeding: “You see, we do women a huge disservice by not talking about how hard this can be. If we don’t talk about the things that can go wrong, and wear you out, and make you want to quit, how in the world are we going to support mothers and help them continue nursing?” Read the full post here

Kristen of If the Saddle Fits talks about body shaming and the importance of “doing it anyway” in this beautiful raw and open post. FYI,  Mean girls isn’t just a high school thing. Read the full post here

T.T. Robinson gets real in this post sharing the guts of how we all feel at times during a deployment “I stared at the phone in disbelief. How are we supposed to stay connected, when I feel anything but?” Read the full post here

NextGenMilspouses gets to the core of what we all need to know when it comes to sending “those” pics to our service members! This is as transparent as it gets Read the full post here

Ariel from PMQ for Two shares this post and why some feel that waiting until after Veterans day to break out the holly and tinsel is necessary. This one caused quite a stir! Read the full post here

Tiffany from SeeingSunshine is transparent as she talks about how marriage taught her more about herself than she ever expected, and it was downright ugly at times. Read the full post here

Alicia from Sew What Alicia (aka 2 kids and a blog) had me hunting for tissues as she shared an incredible piece on motherhood and a special needs child. “Having a differently abled child means that you have to mourn the death of the child you have planned for and expected for as long as you can remember.  You will grieve for the life he will never have…” Read the full post here

Patricia and the gals at Nutrisha give us a reality check and a bonus recipe as they share the reality of diabetes and how taking care of our health is paramount to living a full life. Read the full post here

Jeremy Hilton once again shows his brilliance on the Huffington post as he tackles the dark side of our military culture and takes on the pentagon, misogyny & cyberbullying. Read the full post here

Erin from Many Kind Regards is getting real about religion and the gay community as she shares how the unexpected can take you to church. Literally. Read the full post here (bonus post Children Aren’t Supposed to Die)

Rebelah Sanderlin posed the question: “Is a deployment really that different for a Captain’s wife than it is for a Sergeant’s wife? Do we not all experience the same loneliness?” as she talks about a touchy subject. Read the full post here

Tara from An Aiming High Wife talks about how ou can never prepare for the unknown sharing her story of an event that left her completely helpless. Read the full post here  and something many of us experience when we realize just how much our spouse REALLY misses out. Read the full post here

Cassie on Betwixt Beginnings discusses the challenges of raising teenage girls. Read the full post here

Casey of the Passages blog has a post, The Strips tell a Story, a piece on understanding what the dress uniform is actually telling us. Read the post here

Hope from HopeNGriffin shares her journey as her child wins the battle with cancer. Read the full post here

Heather from Happy Fit Navy Wife breaches the subject of planned parenthood, miscarriage and abortion. Read the full post here

Here are a couple of my personal raw & real pieces:

Why Us? Because Suicide, Depression and Addiction aren’t Selective

Military Life: The Struggle is Real

I know I’ve only scratched the surface in sharing the raw and real challenges, stories and insights that occur daily on the blogs written by those in our military community. I honestly don’t know how I would get through the day without the writings, knowledge, advice and humor of so many of them.

Take a moment find some new people to follow, post and tag your milspouse friends and if I missed a post or blog that has some great stuff know it wasn’t on purpose and please share  the link to your favorites in the comments below. We can learn from and with each other and I love to find new ways to navigate the military lifestyle – Don’t you?!

 

Judy Davis, the Direction Diva is a motivational speaker, author and lifestyle blogger as well as a military life and teen suicide prevention expert. Co-founder of LivingThruCrisis.com , Judy’s books Right Side Up  and Warning Signs: Is Your Teen at Risk are go to resources for families and her websites are filled with tips, inspiration and resources for those looking for direction. Connect with Judy at TheDirectionDiva.com

 

 

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