Nancy Wilson's Blog, page 14

Resistance

Sometimes when you have the best of intentions and begin to confess old sins, you bump into resistance and stall out. It’s like cleaning the garage that I mentioned in the last post. You may spend a couple of hours in there and start to make headway, but then you give up and tell yourself you’ll get to it later.

When it comes to putting things right with other people, we can find many reasons to put it off for another day. What is it that stalls us out?

1. Pride stalls us out. If we confess our sin to our friend, we tell ourselves, then they will look down on us. It will blow their image of us.  What will they think of us?

2. Fear stalls us out. We might lose our job or our standing or our position. The consequences are just too great.

3. Laziness keeps us from confessing. It’s just too much trouble, and it will take too much time.

4. The cost is too great. If we confess our sin, we might owe a hefty amount of money that we don’t have.

5. Rather than forgive us, those we confess to might retaliate. They might blab to everyone. They might sue for damages. They might act superior and rub it in.

The truth is, when you confess your sins, you are acting out of principle with no guarantees of the earthly consequences. You might get fired or lose a friend or have to step down from your position. It will certainly be humbling, and it might have financial ramifications. But in putting things right, you will gain a clear conscience before God and be able to enjoy fellowship with Him again. What price tag can you put on joy in the Lord? “He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy” (Prov. 28:13).

Hiding sin only leads to more sin. Confessing sin not only clears out the heart, but it is a terrific incentive to keep it clear. Read Psalm 51, David’s prayer of repentance for his sins. “Purge me with hyssop and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me hear joy and gladness, that the bones You have broken may rejoice…Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me by Your generous Spirit” (vs. 7-8,12).

Whatever the earthly consequences, God always blesses obedience. Ask for the courage and faith to proceed past all the obstacles and resistance to put things right. Then you can pray with David, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me….A broken and a contrite heart — These O God, You will not despise” (vs. 10,17b).

Confessing Old Sins

This post is in answer to a comment/question addressed to Bekah on her post called “A Little Moralizing. Here’s the question: How do you take care of old (unconfessed) sins that go back several years?

I think it’s very helpful to sit down with a pen and paper and just write them all down. One at a time. Name them the way God does. It’s amazing how many other things might come to mind as you do this. But just keep writing until you can’t think of any others. Now remember, these are the sins you have not yet put right. I am NOT saying to write down all the sins you already took care of. What a drag that would be.

Next sort them out. For example, let’s say you listed about five different times you were unkind to your mom. Sort them into the mom pile. Do the same with everything. Many of these sins will require a phone call or an email or a letter of apology. Maybe all of them will. Don’t get discouraged or distracted by the size of the pile.

After sorting them out, you must seek God’s forgiveness for each offense. Something like this: “Lord, I was unkind to my mom last spring when I told her to quit calling me. I was disrespectful and I dishonored her, which I know you hate. Please forgive me.” Go through the list even if it takes a while. Then when you’re finished, ask God if there are any more. If more come to mind, add them. If nothing else comes to mind, then thank God for His mercy and forgiveness.

Now you may move on to the letter-writing stage. Here’s what you do. Write Mom a letter. Tell her that you are “cleaning house” and you realize that you have sinned against her over the past several years many times. Now don’t tell her about your bad heart attitudes that she may not have noticed. For example, if you are jealous or bitter or envious, just confess those things to God. Seek her forgiveness for specific occasions when you and she both know that you sinned against her. End your letter by telling her that you have sought God’s forgiveness, and now you are seeking hers.

It’s tempting at this point to think that maybe she will follow your letter up with a letter of apology herself. Don’t count on it! Your confessions should be unilateral, with no conditions. Now keep writing those letters. You may want to add that you will follow the letter up with a phone call in a few days.

Now if any of these sins require financial restitution, you  must begin the process of repaying your debts. Maybe you borrowed money from friends and then never paid them back. Maybe you borrowed stuff and never returned it. Just confessing it to God is not enough. You must make another list and figure out how much you owe. Then you must start contacting people and sending them money with your apology letter. If you have to make arrangements to pay it off over several months, explain to them that is what you plan to do.

I once told a woman to do something along these lines, and she told me later that after she had confessed everything on the list, she threw it in the fire. That is a great way to understand how God deals with our sins. What He forgives is gone forever.

My husband has compared this process to cleaning out a garage that has been collecting junk for years. You start with the top pile and work your way down. Eventually, you’re seeing the garage floor! Then you are motivated to keep it that way. When sin occurs, and it will, confess it as quickly as possible. Don’t put it off, make excuses, or think no one noticed. God did, and He delights to forgive us. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins,  and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” 1 John1:9.

2014: Here we come!

God loves new beginnings, have you noticed? And we, being His creatures, do too. Why are the stores going to be filled with cleaning and organizing supplies in January? Because we like to clean up, throw out, rearrange, and start over. Again. We are not being bad when we do this. Well, most of the time we are not being bad. I have thrown out or sold a few things over the years that I shouldn’t have. But we won’t go into that. Those bad things have since been forgiven. So I am starting fresh, a wiser woman for it.

We all want to put our best foot forward on the first day of the brand new year. But I guarantee you that we are all bound to trip up in some way sooner than we would like. But we must, absolutely must, remember that God washes us and forgives us anew every day, when ever we ask for it. We don’t have to wait for a new day or a new week or a new month or for a new year to start over. We don’t have to be bummed that we already broke a couple of new year’s resolutions before noon on day #1. God doesn’t care about our new year’s resolutions. He cares us about us looking to Him for our salvation, our repentance, our faith, our growth, our sanctification. Everything. And He is there for us 24/7. “Thanks be unto God for His unspeakable gift” (2 Cor. 9:15).

 

Some Moralizing

So here’s a little something that you didn’t actually want to know about. I stepped on a piece of glass the other week. Just a tiny little shard – I didn’t even notice it when it happened.

Yes, I know you’re gripped. Dying to find out the end of this story. “Did she get it out I wonder? Did she find the tweezers?”

Well no as a matter of fact. I kinda vaguely knew there was something in my foot but I only noticed it if I stepped on it in just the right way. I was busy. It’s Christmas. And finals week. And all that. I didn’t even have time to actually let this little glass shard bubble up into my conscious thoughts. I sort of figured I would leave it alone and it would work itself out. Plus it’s in one of those awkward corners of the foot which you can’t get a good look at, no matter how you contort yourself.

Don’t worry. I’m coming to a point. As dramatic as this all is, and as much as this is a worthy tale in its own right, I’m working up to a metaphor so bear with.

Anyway, the shard of glass did not, in fact, work itself out. If anything it knuckled down and burrowed further in. It started to hurt more. Finally it got to the point where I had to actually take notice of the durn thing. Now it didn’t just hurt when I stepped on it funny – basically every step turned out to be funny. I ended up putting all my weight on a different part of my foot when I walked and then that got weird and sore. I was out Christmas shopping the other day and stepped on it wrong – and my flinch then caused a charlie-horse in my calf. Yeah. That was good. I made a mental note to look at it when I got home. But I didn’t, because I was busy and had more important things to do than peel off my sock and look at the bottom of my foot.

Now of course it’s all nasty and swollen and painful and I don’t want to touch it at all. I want Ben to get it out for me, and I also don’t want him to come anywhere near it. Anyone who approaches me with tweezers should prepare themselves for a fight. But on the other hand, deciding to just not walk anymore isn’t an option. The thing needs to be faced. Probably with a needle to dig it out. And it’s going to hurt and be hideous. I started the whole project last night and got as far as soaking my foot in hot water and then dinner had to be gotten out of the oven so the project was abandoned. But as I was sitting there with one leg of my jeans rolled up and thinking, “Daggone. This hurts like sin,” I realized how much it does, in fact, hurt like sin.

Aha! She’s reached the moral of her boring story!

I was thinking how much a little sin, left unconfessed, behaves exactly like a little shard of glass in your foot. Have you ever had this happen? You shared something about your husband with a friend . . . and as soon as it was out of your mouth you realized you shouldn’t have said it. You got a little gossipy about someone during your book group. You told a quick lie to spare yourself embarrassment about something. You said something cutting to one of your children. And it was so small and stupid that you don’t want to call your friend back – so you decide you’ll just ignore it and maybe it will go away. But somehow it just seems to get worse, the memory gets more tender, you start doing strange mental gymnastics to avoid thinking about it.

Once, sometime in my youth, I told my mom a lie. It was a stupid lie, and it was about something trivial that I don’t even remember. I think I was feeling embarrassed or worried about something so I quickly popped out an excuse that wasn’t quite true. Or something. The funny thing is, I don’t remember what the lie was but I do remember the guilt. I remember telling and re-telling that story to myself, trying to cast it in a way where what I said to my mom wasn’t actually a lie. I replayed the conversation over and over in my head, trying to massage it into a case of technical truth telling. It didn’t work.

But I didn’t want to confess it – because we all know how that takes the original embarrassment and increases it exponentially. It’s the worst. No one likes having to do that.

So I tried to forget it. Didn’t work. Tried confessing it to God. Didn’t work. I prayed and prayed about it every night as I was lying in bed, but it brought absolutely no peace. I still felt wretched. I kept feeling like God really should forgive me and take away the guilt . . . but deep down, I knew that unless I was ready to go confess it to Mom I wasn’t really repentant. And I knew that God knew that too. And that’s why confessing it to Him didn’t work. He doesn’t accept hypocritical prayers.

After probably two weeks of agony, I realized that no matter how wretched it was, I had to go and confess that stupid lie to my mom. And wow the relief! Immediately everything was better. I was back in the joy of the Lord – just like I’ll be able to walk normally again without flinching after I dig this stupid glass out of my foot.

But if you think about it, how much easier would it have been if I had just sat down and fished out that little shard the minute I noticed it? I wouldn’t have even thought about it again. How much easier would it have been if I had confessed that lie to my mom as soon as it had come out of my mouth? If I had done that I guarantee that I wouldn’t have any memory of it now. The reason I remember it is because I remember the agony of not having confessed. It’s just a reminder to keep short accounts. To confess the gossip to your friend before your conscience gets all infected and nasty and tender. To call your son back into the room immediately and tell him you’re sorry for snapping at him. Confessing it immediately spares you from the humiliation of the long-overdue apology.

The other benefit to forcing yourself to make the apology . . . it certainly is a deterrent. Nothing can cure your desire to gossip more swiftly and effectively than calling all the ladies in your book group and asking them to forgive you for that snarky thing you said.

Anyway there you have it. Now I’m going to go and disinfect a pin.

Home for Christmas

They’re on their way to your house, even now, and who knows what visions of sugar plums are dancing in their heads. Are they imagining the big greeting, the fresh flowers in their bedroom, and their favorite meal just coming out of the oven? Days of sleeping in, waking up to fresh coffee brewing, lounging over breakfast, visiting old friends, and hanging out by the fire doing some pleasure reading?

Meanwhile, what are your expectations? Are you counting down until you have a little more help around the house? Maybe you’re looking forward to having someone wrap that pile of presents you have stuffed in your closet and finish your last-minute errands for you. And you are positively giddy with joy over handing off the kitchen clean-up duties. And then you’re expecting lots of heart-to-heart talks and one-on-one time.

So what could go wrong with this impending collision of expectations at Christmas? And what can we all do to avoid such an unnecessary collision? Here are a few ideas.

1. Review your expectations, whether you are Mom welcoming home your kids or you are the kids traveling home. Have you allowed some expectations to take root, and have you been watering them diligently?

2. You knew I was going to say this next: surrender all those expectations.

3. Now ask God for some ideas of how to be in the hostess or guest role. I know that moms don’t really feel they are hostessing their children, which is why they have high expectations of help. And grown children, whether married or away to college, may view themselves more as guests, which explains why they might expect the red carpet to be rolled out for their arrival. Both of these are wrong.

4. If we simply reverse our priorities, things will go much better. Instead of thinking how the Christmas break can be more of a blessing to me, I should be thinking of ways that I can make it a blessing to others. This sounds simple, but it isn’t. Not a bit.

5. Have some ideas in place. Rather than expecting help with the dishes, intentionally give them the night off. “Why don’t you go hang out with your little sister while I get these done?” Rather than planning to skip the family meal to go be with friends, why not offer to babysit while Mom and Dad go out to dinner and to a show? You get the idea.

6. When we have unspoken expectations, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment and maybe even resentment. “All he did the whole time he was home was hang out with friends. I hardly even saw him.” Or, “My mom just kept loading me up with chores, and I never even got to hang out with friends.”

7. How much better to view the time as an opportunity to serve one another. Determine that you will pray and work with the desire to see your relationship in better shape at the end of the visit.

8. Sentimentalism about Christmas can create a longing for something that we just can’t attain. So keep your head in the game and remember that we are celebrating a very real Savior. Though snow and lighted trees are beautiful, Christmas is commemorating a Savior who humbled Himself. We want to imitate Him, which will make our homes wonderful at Christmas and all year long.

Joy to the Whirled!

Have you ever seen those ill advised cupcake sprinkle applicators? I think they made them for children, and I feel like they may or may not have been an As Seen on TV product. I just remember stopping at Michaels by some kind of a plastic contraption that you insert a cupcake into and then in some way generate a windstorm of sprinkles and some of them stick to it, and marveling at the badness of the idea.  I really wish I had paid more attention to how the thing worked because at this very moment I think I may be stuck inside one.

There is a lot going on over here, by day and by night. I feel like I generally spend my days committing to baking cinnamon rolls, telling the kids we are decorating sugar cookies tonight,  randomly speedily ordering gifts on my phone from Amazon, and trying to get rid of everything in our house. Nothing says Advent and Christmas like purging. Panicky purging. The other day I threw away a pink fleece hat while I was cleaning.  A while later I took it off of Shadrach’s head and put it in a different garbage. And then, hours later, when I went to get a pan out to make dinner, there it was- in the cupboard in a mixing bowl. I sometimes wonder why it is so hard to get the house in order and then something like that happens, and I am reminded of the current that I am swimming against.

It seems like every year when it is time to decorate for Christmas I start out with a dream to keep it calm. Maybe all white. Very clean. But when we crack the Christmas bins it is like releasing the hounds. Glitter and camels and snowflakes and advent calendars all come running out of the bins and they take over the house. Deliriously under the influence of it all I will soon find myself tying lights on the curtain rods with big satin ribbon. True story. All my resolve runs away with the enthusiasm of my children.

Last night I ran out to get emergency tights in time for the Christmas program, but when I got home I was locked out. I could see my whole family, and was ringing the doorbell continuously. But they could not hear me over the sound of the blasting Messiah. Our house was literally throbbing with “And the glory, the glory of the Lord, shall be revealed.”

All this craziness is something that I love about Christmas. I’m not complaining about the sprinkle machine that is my life. I’m not complaining about the corner fort of blankets and pillows that keeps getting set up behind and under the Christmas tree. I’m not complaining about all the things that we have to do for the people we love in less time than it takes to do those things. I feel like God is simply challenging us to see things His way. I don’t have any desire to calm down my life, or buy gifts for less people, or feed less people, or decorate less. But man alive, do I ever want to be better at it than I am. Of course practice makes perfect, and another year under my belt can’t hurt.

This year I want to see all these obstacles to celebration as one of the most important parts of the celebration. Jesus came to us here, and we are celebrating that gift here. In this house, with all these normal problems. Feeling the stretching, and the creaking, and the bursting is all part of the glory that is being revealed. It is so easy to think that the whole point of Christmas is to keep calm until that one morning. That moment that we want to be perfect.

I don’t really want to be trying to make Christmas fit into our normal life, because that won’t ever happen. We are already full to the top, bursting with business and obligations and laughter, and messes, and dishes. Our normal life is just the life of people trying to figure things out. Trying to get the bathrooms clean more often than I do, trying to keep everyone in fellowship and out of trouble. Helping little people take apart tiny legos that are impossibly stuck together. Playing catch with the funniest baby. Our life is normally so manageable. By that I mean that normal life is just full of things to manage. But Christmas. There is no controlling this. Pine needles and gift wrap and baking and running all over the town to do the things you forgot yesterday. Christmas doesn’t fit into any kind of reasonable plan, and it shouldn’t

But I do know what we can do about this. We can fit our whole life into Christmas. Giving. Joy. Mercy. Holiness. Jesus is not the reason for the season, but rather the reason for all of life. Christmas is not something that we just do occasionally in our regular life – it is a shelter and a mercy and victory and a hope under which our whole lives are lived. So we aren’t really trying to keep it manageable over here. We want it to tear us up and make us new. Grow our hearts, and challenge our faith. Test our mercy, and surprise us with Grace. We want this to spill out all over our lives into a different way of seeing. We want Christmas to be the lens through which our children see the world. See their lives. See their purpose. Christmas defines us. And it doesn’t let us define it –  and what a tremendous mercy that is.

 

The Lord’s Maidservant

Mary’s famous response to Gabriel’s announcement that she will bear the Son of God should always humble us and encourage us: “Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word” (Luke 1:38).

Mary didn’t have the full picture. She must have been completely caught off guard. But she has the composure to ask one question, and then settle the matter by affirming her obedience, her willing spirit, her faith and reverence. She assumes the position of a servant who joyfully submits to her Master’s plans for her.

Humility is like this. Mary’s faith is quiet and thoughtful. She considered (Luke 1:29); she pondered (Luke 2:19); she marveled (Luke 2:33); she kept (Luke 2:51). Humility believes and trusts.

So what can we learn from Mary? Respond in faith. God is “working in you that which is well pleasing in his sight” (Heb. 13:20-21). We have been created to do the good works that God has already planned for us (Eph. 2:10). We don’t need to understand it all or know the outcome. Our duty is to be the Lord’s maidservant, eager for God to have His way with us. And the glorious thing is that when He works His will in us, it pleases God. So it goes full circle. He works in us, we joyfully embrace what He calls us to do, and He is well pleased with the result.

 

 

Hello Ninja is Here!

I can think of many little ninja stockings that need to have this new little board book by N.D. Wilson in them. You’ll love the artwork by Forrest Dickison and the funny story that goes with it! Hurry, people!

A Few Links

My husband has just finished a wonderful four-part sermon series called “Why Children Matter” and you can listen to them here at the Christ Church website. Not only is each sermon available, but Doug and I have done a Q&A each Monday night after the sermon to answer questions and go on bunny trails. You can help yourself to them at the same spot.

Secondly, for those of you who expressed an interest in the talks from the Table Grace Femina seminar, here they are as well.

And finally, I want to commend to you my husband’s book God Rest Ye Merry. There’s still time to get it for Advent, and it is a wonderful addition to your Christmas preparations. We are reading it together each day.

And while you’re at it, take a look at the Canon Press Christmas Catalog!

Merry Advent to you all!

Here’s hoping

So anyways, I’m sick in bed today. Not too bad, merely coughing myself into an early grave is all. I have also lost my voice which is a great bonus because it makes me sound so much more pathetic than I actually feel. I have reached the point where I am communicating with my family via a series of squeaks and gestures. The whole thing is actually just comic, and I would pick this any day of the week over any form of stomach bug – even though I may at any moment sprain a rib with coughing.

Now that I have over-shared with you about that, you are no doubt wondering why on earth I bring this up. Why shout the news all over the interwebs that I am coughing? I’m just setting the context here. Seeing as I am sitting in bed rather than being productive and planning my Thanksgiving menu, I decided to make some Christmas labels. Every year around this point I’m still feeling optimistic about the whole Christmas package situation. I still have a mental image of all my beautifully wrapped gifts sitting artistically under my perfectly decorated tree. Probably there are little bits of greenery tucked into the ribbons and a fire crackling in my non-existent fireplace. In that beautiful scene I am holding a steaming mug of something lovely, I am thinner, and my hair is cute. My tree is also still fresh and alive rather than crunchily dropping its needles everywhere. However, usually around 10:00 pm on December 23 I come to grips with reality. After the kids are in bed I pull about 3,000 bags out of my closet and start flinging gift wrap at them. My aspirations to beautiful packages have undergone a massive change and I feel that ribbons and bows are total overkill and a waste of time. I’m probably wearing my husband’s hoodie, scrawling people’s names directly onto the paper with a Sharpie, and there is a pine needle stuck to my sock with a piece of tape. If someone mentioned little bits of greenery to me at that moment I would laugh maniacally at them.

However. We’re not there yet. The worst has not yet happened. I still have time to get organized and wrap as I go along, not letting the plastic bags pile up in my closet. I have already assembled some of the supplies – I’ve got the giant Costco package of tape, and two of those rhinormous rolls of Costco ribbon. Quite gorgeous ribbon actually. I’m going for Kraft paper this year – brown and white, and it’s sitting here as well. So I decided to make some cute little labels – and theoretically these will adorn my cute little packages.

But I figured that as long as I’m doing this I might as well post it here in case anyone else out there is also trying to get a jump on this. These can be printed on adhesive paper, cut out, and stuck onto the gifts, or they could be printed on card stock, hole punched, and tied on with string. I’m probably going to do some of each. I think (think being the operative word) that if you click on the image you should be taken to a page from which you can download it and then do whatever you want with it.

I, meanwhile, am going to go make myself another cup of tea and knuckle down to plan my Thanksgiving menu.