Lazer Brody's Blog, page 12

Down With New Year's Resolutions!!

Awwwwww, yeah. 

Talk about deeee-lish!

All this decadent sundae is missing is that little fire-red cherry on top. You know, I once heard they used crushed red ants to make that fire-red color. Is that true? Because that's disgusting if it is. 

Relax, yo. I know ants aren't kosher. But now I'm wondering why grasshoppers are. Dis. GUSTING!! What makes them kosher? They don't have split hooves, chew their cud, and they don't have fins and scales. And they look Grizzity Gross! Good Lord! You grasshopper-eatin' people are crazy!

Did I just get your appetites in high gear? 

My friend Sunny sent me this meme and I found it so cute, I wanted to share it with you, cherished friends. *GAG.*

Just yesterday I went to one of my favorite stores in the world, Home Goods. G-d I LOVE that store! I shouldn't be allowed in there. Every time I go, I think I need new pillows, throws, dishes, furniture, sheets, OMG there's nothing in that store I don't salivate over. 

I even bought pasta that was shaped like the Star of David for Chanukah. I'm that pathetic. 

So I was there yesterday and got quite an eye-opening lesson in mind control. In one day, they turned over nearly ALL the merchandise from Xmas themed to summer. Maybe elves did it? 

In the place of all of the yummy holiday themed cookies, cookie mixes, cake mixes, and everything else that I couldn't buy, stood a huge island of super healthy stuff. There were loads of cleanses, green drink mixes, collagen shakes for those who like to eat cow bones, and tons of other healthy looking garbage. 

I admit. I'm very jealous. All of those yummy holiday cookies weren't kosher, and these healthy cow hoof milkshakes aren't kosher, either. I would totally be drinking bone marrow shakes every morning!

Actually, no.

I wouldn't. I'm too lazy.

So my laziness is making me wonder...

What is the meaning of this ridiculous idea of a New Year's resolution? 

We all know we're not going to keep them (if we made any at all!) And why are we putting all of this pressure on ourselves? All of a sudden we're supposed to do some major life overhaul because it's January 1?

You know why this is such a mind control ploy? Because just a day before, the stores were crammed with holiday treats that could make you fat just by looking at them. And now, the stores are drowning in healthy green gook. Slime, even.

We're told what to want, when to want it, and even how much to want. 

Isn't that what advertising is? Uh, huh. 

I've decided to protest this nonsense of mind control and unrealistic pressure by running a campaign for the new year. I'm calling it: "DOWN WITH NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS!"

They mean nothing. 

And to symbolize my plight, I'm eating this decadent ice cream sundae just to say "TAKE THAT, NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!" 

How you like that? Ain't nobody gonna tell ME when to stop eating junk! 

Seriously, my peeps, you don't need to wait until yesterday to decide that you're going to make a new start. 

EVERY DAY is a new start! And guess what! If you fail, you can just start again the next day!

There. Isn't that much less pressure?

And you know I'm going to be hitting the gym like nobody's business tomorrow, right? My stomach is literally making best friends with my thighs. 

G-d I hate holiday season!!! 

And another thing. Don't miss Rav Brody's weekly emuna class TONIGHT! Scroll down for full details. 

~Racheli

A Planted People

Why did the Men of the Great Assembly who codified our liturgy use the term plant us within our borders rather than settle us within our borders or place us within our borders? There's a tremendous secret here that's the key to both our national and personal self-awareness and success, which G-d willing, we'll take a probing look at in today's emuna lesson.

Don't miss today's emuna lesson and live broadcast from Jerusalem entitled "The Planted People", which will take place, G-d willing, on the ground-floor main sanctuary of the Chut Shel Chessed Yeshiva on 13 Shmuel Hanavi Street in Jerusalem at 7 PM Israel time; the shiur is open to the public - both men and women are invited. You can see today's lesson here - the broadcast, as well as our lessons posted from now on - are Mac and iPod compatible. If you tune in too early to the live broadcast link, you'll be sent to the main page of the Breslev Israel website, so try to tune in on time.  If you are not able to view today's broadcast live, then G-d willing, you'll be able to see the video tape of it later this coming week on Lazer Beams. 

The Ongoing Megilla of the Geula

People lose patience - let's not hold a stopwatch in front of Hashem. Yes, we all want Moshiach and Geula; we neither know when it'll happen or how. But we do know two major facts that none of our spiritual leaders argue with:

The more people learn emuna and enhance their relationship with Hashem, the more peaceful and miraculous the Geula (the full redemption of our people) will be; and,
The Geula is fast on the way. Just as you don't feel planet Earth traveling around the sun at the blinding orbital speed of 19 miles per second, or 67,000 miles per hour, you don't feel the speed that the Geula is unfolding. I'll give you an example - it takes 30 minutes to read the Megilla of Esther; when juxtaposed, the events seem rapid-fire successive, one after the other. But in actuality, it was a 13-year process. Same goes here.

Do you remember when I told you that POTUS Trump is Achashverosh, 22 months ago? Although Trump fans in Israel, from PM Bibi on down to the pro-Trump man on the Tel Aviv Street, are lamenting that Trump sold Israel down the river by his abrupt pullout from Syria. This to me is great news, because we don't depend on any flesh-and-blood, only on Hashem. But even so, it's not the first time Trump has been topsy turvy ideologically, just like Achashverosh, who one minute kills his wife because his adviser says so and the next minute kills his adviser because his wife says so.

What's the difference between Obama caving into Iran on the unfortunate nuclear deal and Trump handing Syria to Iran and Russia on a platter with his pullout decision? No difference - they're both sellouts.

Do you know why I love sellouts? Because they are a gift from Hashem so that no one here will have anyone to turn to but Him. Remember, Hashem uses rightists and leftists, Democrats and Republicans, or whoever else all as puppets to implement His script. 

In August of 2015, in a post entitled Geula and Sellout, I wrote something that is even more relevant today that when I wrote it: "One of the major preconditions of Geula - the full redemption of our people, the ingathering of the exiles, the coming of Moshiach and the rebuilding of our Holy Temple in Jerusalem - is that Israel will stand alone. This means that Israel's so-called friends will sell her down the river. Whether or not the USA backs Israel is meaningless to those of us who are fortunate to trust in Hashem rather than in any wobbly reed. Soon, the USA won't be able to help itself, much less anyone else. Yet, today the US Administration's sellout of Israel is official. Looking at current affairs through eyes of emuna, we should all be delighted, for this is one additional quantum leap toward Geula and the type of world we dream of. 

Hashem is also dismantling the Israeli politician-power myths. With elections on the way, both the Israeli right and the Israeli left are in a crumbled disarray with more splintering, bickering and treachery than I ever remember in the 49 years that Israel has been my home. To add to the chaos, our sources say that there could be earth-shaking indictments before the upcoming elections of April 4th. The Geula steam-roller is picking up both speed and intensity. As the classic phrase in Sota 49b says, we have no one to lean on but Hashem. The sooner we internalize that, the quicker we'll say the splendor of Geula, speedily and in our days, amen.

BTW - if you think this is exciting, don't leave the stadium yet - the game's not over... 

Double Concealment: You Don't Fool Us, Hashem!

Before his death, the famed Toldos Aaron rebbe, Rebbe Aaron Rota zatza'l, warned that the time before Moshiach would be a period of deep spiritual darkness - the supreme test of faith. But, those who don't get discouraged - and cling to their pure and simple emuna - will invoke the Divine compassion that is not only needed to survive turbulent times, but shall also hasten the Geula.

This period in time is a "hastora", the concealment of Hashem's Divine light. Rebbe Nachman of Breslev teaches that the period preceding Moshiach is a "hastora betokh hastora", or double concealment. But, just like Olympic gymnastics, for a greater level of difficulty, you score higher points. When emuna (faith) comes hard, the rewards are beyond our wildest dreams. Hold on, don't give up hope, and keep the faith no matter what - that's the key to staying on your feet in this insane world. Above all, be happy and don't ever despair.

Hashem can hide all He wants, but He's always here - close by - and that's a solemn promise from your friend and brother Lazer. Some chutzpa Hashem enjoys, like when we smile and tell Him, "You don't fool us, Hashem. We know you're here." The warmth of love in our hearts tells us so. How? That's Hashem's light glowing in our chest cavity, right now. I love You, Hashem.

Rabbi Elazar Mordechai Koenig, osb"m

Breslev Israel, Emuna Outreach and Lazer Beams mourn the passing earlier today of a tzaddik and humble giant, rabbi and spiritual leader of the Breslev movement in the holy city of Tzefat, Israel, Rabbi Elazar Mordechai Koenig, of saintly and blessed memory. Rabbi Koenig was 73, and had been bravely battling a difficult illness in recent years. With all his suffering, his smile never left his face. 

Rabbi Koenig was one of the undisputed spiritual leaders of Breslev worldwide and he represented the traditional, quiet, Torah-and-prayer oriented mainstream of Breslev. His father, the holy Rabbi Gedalia Aaron Koenig osb"m, was the student of Breslev luminary Rabbi Abraham Sternhartz, the great-grandson of Rebbe Natan of Breslev, all of saintly and blessed memory.

May Hashem console the distinguished Koenig family and all of the community in Tzefat, and may Rabbi Koenig zatza'l intercede in our behalf before the Heavenly Throne, amen.

Moshiach: No Silver Spoon

The little guy in the above photo is a cutie, but he's neither King David nor Moshiach. How do we know for sure?

First of all, at this little boy's age, King David was already alone in the wilds of the Judean Desert, tending his father's flocks and fending off bears and lions. And second, Moshiach wasn't (nor will be) born with a silver spoon in his mouth.

No one of true greatness was ever born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Moshiach ��� the anointed King of Israel ��� leads the pack when it comes to tough lives. Look at King David ��� no one had more challenges than he did.

People with superficial learning of Torah think that King David did have a silver spoon, coming from the prestigious tribe of Judah and the prominent family of Jesse from Bethlehem-Efrat. Let's take a closer look. Read The Soul of Moshiach, my feature article in this week's new issue of Breslev Israel web magazine.

Rabbi Shalom Arush - Free Meals and Free Will

Gedale Fenster - Happiness and Your Fork

Racheli Reckles - Sleep for the Cure

Rivka Malka Perlman - 4 G's for a Good Night

David Ben Horin - The Life App

Lori Steiner - Stop the Sparks

Dr. Zev Ballen - Milestone Makers

Have you heard about "Emuna: Where Body and Soul Meet"? Check this out:

The True Friend

Shavua Tov! True friendship has a price-tag ��� it's called empathy, the ability to feel the other person, to know when to give a pat on the back or a word of encouragement. True friendship means that you feel when the other person needs you���

"Emuna: Where Body and Soul Meet"

We've had such a lovely response to our our announcement of our upcoming visit to Texas, that the framework has been expanded to include other destinations. If you'd like us to visit your community, please write right away to staff@breslev.co.il - blessings for a lovely new week!

Rav Shalom Arush: See, Feel and Be Grateful

Rav Shalom Arush shows how people live for years taking life's biggest blessings for granted. Start thanking Hashem now, and don't wait for harsh reminders. Enjoy this 2-minute message and have a lovely Shabbat!

Parshat Shemot: Guarding Eyes and Eyes on Guard

During the Shovevim weeks, we speak extensively about guarding our eyes, but Moses in this week's Torah portion teaches us that there are times when the servant of Hashem must open his eyes, especially to see a brother in need. Enjoy our mini-lesson on this week's Torah portion and have a restful and wonderful Shabbat!