Lazer Brody's Blog

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Old Charlie the Gatekeeper

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Everyone in town loved Old Charlie. He wasn't that old ��� maybe in his mid-fifties at most ��� but no one could ever remember a time when Old Charlie didn't man his post as gatekeeper at the entrance of town���

What did the town need a gatekeeper for?

If you lived in a town with no crime, no sicknesses, no strife or arguments, no poverty and nothing but happy citizens, young and old, you'd want it to stay that way and prevent any undesirable elements from entering your town. That was the secret of Charliesville. Ever since the town was founded, a gatekeeper manned the one entrance to town and filtered the folks who entered the town. Charlie was fifth generation gatekeeper, like his daddy, granddaddy great- and great-great granddaddies before him. Gatekeeping was a family tradition and they were successful at it. Since the town didn't have to pay a sheriff or police force, it could afford to pay a healthy salary to the gatekeeper. Since he had no financial worries, he could concentrate on his job, which he did with dedication. Everyone knew that the town's success was in no small measure by virtue of the gatekeeper.

Charliesville was in a beautiful rolling-green hill area between two large cities. Most people who passed by the town were heading for one of those two cities, but they'd stop in Charliesville to eat a meal or spend the night while enroute.

Charlie would greet every visitor. "Howdy, stranger," he'd say with a warm smile. "What can I do for you?"

The stranger would invariably ask about Charliesville's traveler services ��� the inns, the restaurants or the gas stations. "How're the folks in Charliesville?" the stranger would ask.

Charlie's stock question was, "How're the folks in your hometown, my friend?"

Some people would answer, "Where we come from, you have to be careful. People aren't so friendly. They'll rip you off if they have a chance ��� they're out for themselves."

"You won't like Charliesville," Charlie would tell such people. "Sorry to tell you, but you'll find our folks the same way. You're better off going back to the main highway and in another twenty minutes, you'll reach Everton���"

On the other hand, other people would answer Charlie's stock question with, "The people in our town are really friendly; they're kind and they care about each other." With a toothy smile, Charley would open the old wooden gate to the town and greet such visitors with a warm welcome.

"You'll love Charliesville," Charlie would tell them. "Our town is cordial. The food and lodging is wonderful and the prices are extremely reasonable. Enjoy your stay here." There was no such thing that those visitors wouldn't fall in love with Charliesville and make a point to stop there whenever the travelled between the two big cities.

Why? How? Charlie and the folks of Charliesville knew the secret that was passed down from generation to generation in their town. If the visitors didn't like the people of their own hometown, then wherever they'd go, they wouldn't like the people either, Charliesville included.

But, if they did like the people in their own town, they'd certainly fall in love with the especially nice folks of Charliesville.

There's another secret within a secret: when a person likes himself, he likes everyone else. When he doesn't like himself, he doesn't like anyone else. As such, the folks who didn't like the people in their own town were folks who didn't like themselves. That's why Charlie nicely sent them down the road and wouldn't let them enter town.

Wherever you have a place where people like themselves, they like others too. Such people are great spouses. They're happy with their lot in life so they don't steal, fight or argue.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could turn our community or home into a Charliesville? Sure it would, but we have to start by being a Charlie ��� to love ourselves and to be satisfied with our lot in life. That way, we can love everyone else.

If you ask me why Moshiach isn't here yet, it's probably because he hasn't yet found Charliesville on the map. Let's build one for him.

The Tougher League

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The following is one of my original parables to help you understand why you're having a setback in whatever you set out to accomplish, whether improving character, losing weight or strengthening emuna:

Marty Cohn was offered a major-league baseball contract already at the end of his senior year in high school, where he was all-state batting champion and voted the Most Valuable Player in the New York State high-school championship game where he hit the winning homerun and made several spectacular catches as Albany High's centerfielder. Several major-league scouts attended the game, and both the Mets and the Yankees offered him contracts. With the money they were offering, it didn't pay for Marty to even think about college. He had a fabulous career ahead of him in professional baseball, especially after finishing his senior year with a remarkable batting average of .405, as if he were a high-school Ted Williams. He signed with his favorite team, the Yankees.

The Yankees moved Marty directly up to their AA League Team, Trenton Thunder. Marty played brilliantly on defense out in center field, using his height of 6'3" and his fantastic speed to rob many a batter of homeruns and sure hits. Yet, batting was a different story. Even though he hit an impressive .289 in his rookie year, he was disappointed in himself. This wasn't anywhere near his high-school batting average.

In his second year as a professional baseball player in the Yankees farm system, he was moved up to the triple-A League Team, the Scranton RailRiders. That year, his batting average again dropped to .259, 30 points lower than his rookie year in the AA League. This time, Marty was determined to do better. During the off-season, he worked out heavily with a private strength-and-conditioning trainer. He became even faster and stronger than he ever was. The next year, his third as a professional, he hit a dazzling .313, performing marvelously in the outfield on defense and hitting the ball with much more confidence at the plate.

Marty received a wonderful gift on his 22nd birthday right before Spring Training of his fourth year. The Yankees, in need of a power hitter and better outfielder, called up Marty to the Major League tryouts in spring training. He made the team.

In mid-season of his major-league rookie year, Marty's batting average again dropped to .250, with more strikeouts than he ever had in his career. Although his outfielding was better than ever, he was down on himself. During an important game against Chicago, he hit a homerun but struck out twice. The second time he struck out, he walked dejectedly back to the Yankees dugout as if he lost his best friend. He sat down on the bench, put his head between his knees, and sobbed like a little boy.

The Yankees' renowned batting coach sat down on the bench next to Marty and poked him in the ribs. "What's with you, Marty? Snap out of it, man! Nobody knocks the ball out of the park every time at bat."

"Yeh," groaned Marty, "but we're down by two runs. Besides, I'm not doing near as good as I did last year in Scranton."

"You're the dumbest Jew I ever met!" quirked the coach. "You're not in the Minors anymore ��� you're up against Major-League pitching, the best in the world! You're getting better all the time. You gotta remember, the king frog in little creek is not the same in a raging river. Shucks, .250 in the Majors is much more impressive in than .350 in the minors. You're playing in a tougher league!"

A tougher league���

Those are the exact words of our holy sage Rebbe Nachman of Breslev.

Rebbe Nachman explains that a person cannot move up to a higher spiritual level without having a setback. How does this work?

Suppose a person on a given spiritual level has already succeeded in guarding his eyes or guarding her tongue consistently, with no mishaps. All of a sudden, he or she makes a ridiculous mistake or suffers an expected fall. Either they were suckered into looking at something they shouldn't have or they engaged in the juicy gossiping for the first time in months. They're now devastated and down on themselves, dejected and depressed. "How could I ever have messed up like that?" they ask themselves tearfully.

Rebbe Nachman says don't be disappointed. You were a champ at the lower level, but down there, you had a minor-league evil inclination. Now, instead of being at the top of the lower level, you've made progress and moved up to the bottom of the higher level, where your spiritual opposition is much stronger. Strengthen yourself and move forward, because you're really better off than you were. You needed that broken heart that leads to the required humility for moving up a rung. Rejoice, cherished brother and sister, because you're now playing in a tougher league and if you don't give up, you'll win.  

Family Tree

[image error]The Torah tells us that ���Man is a tree in the field��� (Deuteronomy 20:19). Interestingly, we automatically refer to our ancestral background as ���the family tree.��� On a superficial level, just as a tree branches out from trunk to branches to twigs above ground ��� and branches out similarly below the ground, with a root system that looks like an upside-down tree ��� so do we branch out in two directions. From us to our children to our grandchildren resembles the tree branching out from the trunk above ground, and our parents, grandparents, and successive previous generations are our ���roots��� below ground, which we don't always see.

Yet, the concept of family tree goes much deeper. Any change at the base of the trunk has a profound effect on the branches, then subsequently on the twigs, and ultimately on the leaves and fruit. For example, if a tree farmer sees that the branches are brittle, the leaves are yellowish, and the color of the fruit is pale, then it shows that the tree is suffering from an acute lack of iron. All the farmer has to do is to give the tree an adequate dose of iron at the base of the trunk and a good dose of water, and presto! Here's what happens:

The iron-fortified water is absorbed from the soil into the roots of the tree. It now travels up through the trunk, the branches, the twigs and to the fruit and leaves by way of long thin tubes called xylem.

Water and nutrients move up the xylem through a process called capillary action. Capillary action allows water to be pulled through the thin tubes because the molecules of the water are attracted to the molecules that make up the tube. The water molecules at the top are pulled up the tube and the water molecules below them are pulled along because of their attraction to the water molecules above them. As such, the iron-fortified water reaches the furthest extremities of the tree and replenishes them. Soon, the branches become stronger, the leaves greener, and the fruit brighter.

Just as the Creator engineered the amazing process of capillary action which moves nutrients and water from the soil and trunk up through the tree, we have an equivalent spiritual process called in Hebrew, Ma'ase Avot Siman L'banim ��� ���the deeds of fathers are signs for sons���, namely, what one generation does has a profound effect on future generations.

The Gemara tells a poignant story about trees and concern for future generations in a tale about the great tzaddik, Choni Haagal (see tractate Taanit 23a):

Rebbe Yochanan says that Choni HaMaagal was sorry all his life that he didn't comprehend the verse, "Shir HaMa'alot, when Hashem returns us to Tzion, we will have been as dreamers," in other words, the Babylonian exile which lasted 70 years, will have been like one long sleep. "Could it be," Choni asked, "that a person can sleep continuously for 70 years?"

One day, as he was walking, he saw a man planting a carob tree. "How long will it be," he asked the man, "before this tree produces fruit?"

"Seventy years," the man answered.

"And are you certain you will still be alive then?" Choni HaMaagal asked.

"I was born into a world with carob trees," the man answered. "Just as my fathers planted trees for me to enjoy, so I plant trees for my children."

Choni HaMaagal then sat down a little distance away, to eat his meal. He ate, then dozed off. A wall of rock sprung up around him, and concealed him from view. No one could find him, and so he slept for 70 years.

When he awoke from his sleep, he saw the same man picking carobs from the tree he had planted.

"Are you the man that planted this tree?" he asked him.

"No," answered the man, "I am his grandson."

"I see," said Choni HaMaagal, "that I must have slept for 70 years." He then noticed that his donkey had been given birth to donkeys, who in turn, gave birth to still other donkeys...

Our grandchildren eat the fruit we plant. Spiritually speaking, when we strengthen in emuna, we will see how our spiritual fortification (just like the iron-fortified water) nourishes future generations, moving up through the family tree's tradition of parent to child just like a spiritual xylem. As such, we are able to strengthen future generations by strengthening ourselves. 

The True Friend

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Fair-weather friends, if they were honest, would talk like this: "It's easy to be your friend, just so long as it doesn't cost me anything or take me out of my comfort zone." That of course, is not a friend, much less a true friend.

True friendship has a price-tag ��� it's called empathy, the ability to feel the other person, to know when to give a pat on the back or a word of encouragement. True friendship means that you feel when the other person needs you and you're there for them. You're not too tired or too busy. A true friend pays the price of true friendship, even if it means sitting up all night to help or listen to the other person.

Unsurprisingly, the best spouses and best parents are first of all true friends to their partners and children.

Let's see what the Torah says about true friends. "Of Benjamin he said: 'The friend of Hashem shall dwell securely by Him; He embraces him all day, and He dwells between his shoulders'" (Deuteronomy 33:12).

Why does Moses call Benjamin, the "friend of Hashem"? This is an unprecedented title in Torah. How did Benjamin earn it?

Our sages say that the term "friend" in Hebrew, yedid, indicates a bond between two people. In fact, the word "yedid" comes from writing the word for hand in Hebrew ��� yad ��� twice. This shows us the two friends are a hand and a hand ��� a connected, giving, helping hand. Also, we pay someone by putting something from our hand into their hand. This shows that friendship has a price. The Torah is thereby teaching us the intrinsic characteristics of being a true friend ��� connected, giving and helping.

Benjamin paid a price for his title of "friend of Hashem". He gave the land for the Holy Temple from his tribal inheritance. He gave with no angles, no ulterior motives and no expectations for anything in return. He gave because he was a friend of Hashem. He was willing to pay a big price for such friendship and he did so joyfully.

Sure, many people are willing to be our friends as long as it neither costs them anything nor requires any effort. That's not a friend.

Our sages tell us that true friendship has no ulterior motives.

To be a good parent, one must be a true friend to the child. Sure, everyone wants an intelligent, healthy, quiet, industrious, athletic, talented, charismatic, good-looking and problem-free child. Everyone wants people to ooh and ah and say what a wonderfully successful child you have. Everyone wants the prestige of having such a child. But, it seldom works like that.

When are you upset that your problematic child affects your status, rather than investigating what my be upsetting the child's emotional equilibrium, that's not being a friend or a caring parent. Perhaps someone is bullying the child? Maybe the teacher embarrassed him in front of the other children by calling him "stupid" in class. Maybe the other girls make fun of your daughter's inability to jump rope like they can, so she suffers humiliation daily at recess. Did you ever inquire what really makes your child happy or sad or what could be bothering them?

Maybe your son or daughter did come home with tears in their eyes and they wanted to speak to you. You said you were tired, preoccupied or talking on the phone to your girlfriend from Pilates class. Maybe Facebook or WhatsApp got a higher priority access to your attention than your child did. Remember? You told them to come back later, in an hour...

That's too late, Mom and Dad ��� Avremi or Saral'e need you right now. They need a true friend, one who is even willing to give up sleep to listen to them. That's also what husbands and wives need from each other ��� to be a true friend with a listening ear. That's what Hashem is for us and that's what we need to be, at least for our spouses and children; that would be a great start to fulfilling the Torah's commandment of loving each other like we love ourselves.

Waistline or Weight?

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Most people want to lose weight, and they want to do it effortlessly. There's one major problem with "effortless" weight loss: one loses hard-earned muscle mass, and the strength and metabolic advantages that accompany it. That's not something you want to do: muscles play a pivotal role in boosting our metabolism and immune systems, as well as increasing bone strength and actually facilitating weight loss. How? Muscles burn 250% more calories that fat does!

The better way to measure your body is to go by the breadth of your waistline (tightness of your clothes or the hole in your belt), rather than using the scale. The reason is that muscle is 22% more dense than fat. In other words, you could theoretically have two people of the same height; they weigh the same, but one is chubby with a 38" waistline and the other is fit with a 34" waistline. The fit guy is much thinner than his flabby friend, but his muscle weighs more.

Modern fad diets lead to surrendering strategic and vital areas of the body. It's no problem to lose weight ��� the body is willing to surrender muscle mass with ease; that's not what we want! We want to burn fat.

So what do we do to burn fat?

Secular science goes to extremes and makes you crazy: T. Colin Campbell and The China Study will tell you to eliminate all fats, especially animal derivatives. Weston Price recommends the total opposite - a high animal protein and fat diet. What do you do?

Follow the Rambam, and listen to a Torah-schooled personal fitness trainer who can help you apply the Rambam's advice to your daily lifestyle. Here's why:

Many of the fad diets have penetrated the Jewish world, which is infamous for unhealthy eating especially on Shabbat. After Shabbat-morning services, many partake of a "Kiddush" that includes of liquor and pastry, followed by a meal of white Challa, potato and noodle kugels and cholent, with a desert of more cakes, roasted nuts and parve ice cream.

Sure, many "victims" of the fad diets have lost tons of weight. But they don't exercise. Their bodies therefore look like big empty burlap sacks draped on bone. At least when they were fat, their muscles had to work to carry the extra weight. But now, nothing. No muscle tone, just empty flab.

Modern society has become so focused on weight loss that any weight loss seems to be good. It certainly is not. You look better and feel better when you increase your muscle-to-fat ratio. In other words, by exercising and increasing caloric intake - especially with quality protein and good HDL-producing fats - you gain weight big time without adding a millimeter to your waist or hips. In fact, your trousers or skirt fits better than ever.

The impressive initial weight loss of the "effortless" fad diets comes from losing the strategic and vital area of your body - your muscle mass. Therefore, the goal of dieting should be to improve body composition, the percentage or ratio of muscle to body fat, like we said. You do that by losing fat without losing muscle tissue. Maintaining and even increasing muscle mass is critical to weight control, because the more muscle you have, the more calories you burn. What's more, as you exercise and add resistance/strength training to your routine, you can actually look thinner and have a smaller waistline, but the scale shows that you gained weight! How can that be? Simple - muscles take up less space in your body, so body weight may stay the same or even go up as you add compact, tight muscle mass. In density, muscle is 22% more dense than fat. In other words, if you've been doing strength and resistance training, your waist is thinner, your skirt or trousers fit great, you look and feel great, but you weigh more! Maybe at 145 lbs, you could only do 20 pushups, but now at 155, you can do 50! Yes, you weigh more but you're much healthier. Keep on liftin', bro and sis, and put the bathroom scale in the closet!

Forget about your weight and just be strong and healthy. If you want to focus on your diet and training progress, focus on your waistline and your levels of strength and flexibility. When you eat right - as natural as possible - and exercise, you'll burn fat and build muscle anyway. Blessings for your great health!

7 Steps to Preventing a Panic Attack

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Today's post is a practical, proven and effective guide for warding off panic attacks.

To prevent a panic attack, it's important to remember how and why it's happening. King David, the greatest psychotherapist who ever lived, understood the human soul better than anyone else. He said, "Happy is the person whose strength is in You" (Psalm 84:6). In other words, the moment a person realizes that he or she cannot handle a situation on their own, and they turn to the Almighty for strength, then they immediately neutralize panic and negativity. Understand that panic comes from the evil inclination, to disarm and disable a person so that he or she cannot serve Hashem. Our sages in the Gemara teach that no one has the power to overcome the evil inclination on their own. We all in varying degrees are susceptible to panic, but we overcome it as soon as we completely place all our trust in Hashem and throw all our problems into His lap. In the same vein, Rabbi Chaim of Volozyn osb"m said that the spiritual ploy of overcoming any fear or anxiety is simple to remember and repeat ein od milvado,  "There is nothing or no one but You, Hashem!"

Therefore:

Step One of preventing a panic attack is to remember the Almighty.

Step Two is to repeat "ein od milvado,  There is nothing or no one but You, Hashem," seven times.

Step Three is to ask the Almighty for help - call his Name out load, be vocal, even yell or scream if that helps you.

Step Four is to get the endorphins (feel-good hormones) flowing. How? Try one or more of these options: 

    a. Do as many pushups as you can;

    b. Run around the block or jog in place for two minutes;

    c. Do ten squats.

Step Five is to take ten deep breaths, inhaling as deep as you can and exhaling as slow as you can.

Step Six is to sniff the aroma of lavender oil, which is known for being soothing and stress-relieving. It can help your body relax. If you don't have lavender oil, these natural aromas are also effective: jasmine, rosemary, cinnamon, cloves or peppermint. 

Step Seven is to call a time out, sit or walk in a quiet place, and speak to the Almighty and once again, ask for His help and guidance; He's a loving Father in Heaven Who will be glad to give it to you.

Panic and the above 7 steps are mutually exclusive. But, as preparing for war, we must practice maneuvers. Don't wait for a panic attack to implement the above steps - you can do them anytime and they'll make you feel both calmer and more energized. Since panic leads to depression and depression depletes energy, the above 7 steps are a great reboot.

Once we never forget Hashem and we always remember "ein od milvado,  There is nothing or no one but You, Hashem," we safeguard ourselves against any and all sorts of panic, fear and anxiety. Try it - it works and has been tested under the most extreme of challenges. Every blessing, LB

Gluten Free Bread and Challas

For those who don't know, gluten intolerance is the result of what's known as Celiac's, which is an autoimmune disease where gluten consumption causes damage to the individual's small intestine. Therefore, If a person suffers from Celiac's and eats foods with gluten such as wheat, rye and barley, his or her immune system backfires like it does in all the autoimmune diseases and their body damages itself. In the case of Celiac's, the body responds by damaging the small intestine. 

Pure oats are a grain, but are gluten-free in their primal state and safe for most people with gluten intolerance. However, oats are often contaminated with gluten because they're frequently processed in the same facilities as gluten-containing grains like wheat, rye, and barley. Even oat seeds (kernels) can be contaminated at the time of planting if the farmer stores them in the same unit that holds or once held wheat, barley and rye. As such, an organic farmer will be used to plant tested and certified gluten-free oats and grow them in a field that's totally separate from other grains.

There are a few wonderful, caring and health-conscious manufacturers who only use oats from pristine fields where no other grains are grown, then process them in a separate facility. One such company whose products are both strictly kosher and superb is Arrowhead Mills in Texas, who produce a gluten-free organic oat flour that's available on Amazon. If your flour content in your bread or challas is at least 51% oat flour (the rest can be rice, millet, sorghum or some other non-grain flour), then you may say Birkat Hamazon (Grace after a meal where one eats bread) too and stay healthy!

 

Physical Activity, Exercise and Technology - Is Fitness Moving Forward or Regressing?

This is a guest post from my son Daniel in Toronto (photo, above), RPT (registered physiotherapist in Ontario), B. Ed phys ed (Wingate Institute, Israel), B.Sc physiotherapy (Hogeschool Van Amsterdam), Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist (CSCS) by NSCA, 6th degree black belt in AIKI Krav Maga, and former IDF Special Forces commando.

The dictionary defines exercise as, "An activity requiring a physical effort, carried out to sustain or improve health and fitness". For me, the key words here are 'physical effort'. Is walking from your bedroom to the washroom a physical effort? Is walking your dog or cycling to work a physical effort? The answer is different for different people, so the definition of physical effort is very subjective. The answer lies in the most important principal in fitness, the overload principal which states that in order to improve your fitness, the activity you choose to partake in has to be more intense than a daily activity, and if done overtime, gradually increasing intensities lead to adaptation (progressive overloading). In other words 'physical effort' means doing something in a higher intensity than the effort required for your daily activities. And please don't get me wrong, being active physically is far healthier than not moving at all, but physical activity isn't the same as exercising.

As a health and fitness professional for more than 20 years, I have noticed a phenomenon in which more people are gradually beginning to think of their daily activities as exercise. To my mind, this is a response to living in a society, which as a whole, is progressively moving less (physically) even though the science is showing us conclusively that movement is critical for general health (way beyond just orthopedic health). I believe that most people know this innately (regardless of the scientific proof) and equate physical activity with exercise as a way to rationalize to themselves that they are being proactive in taking care of their own health.

The other growing phenomena In the past decade is the introduction of gadgets that claim to be able to measure functions in which energy expenditure, steps walked per day, quality and quantity of sleep are the most common metrics featured on these devices. These devices are aggressively marketed to us and at first glimpse seem like they could provide useful information that would help translate to better health and wellness outcomes, and for some, they probably do. However, risks need to be evaluated as well. The first question though, is whether they do a good job measuring what they claim they do. Meta analysis (research analyzing all the trials done trying to answer the question of whether these devices measure accurately what they claim to measure) have concluded that these devices aren't as accurate as they claim to be. Now we can ask, even if the technology improves and becomes more accurate, are there risks to using these technologies?

Personally, I see two main issues with this technology. First, I predict that people using these technologies will be exercising less than their peers without the technology (reminds me of the social media websites and apps story, initially these websites brought the promise of connecting people and communities together but in practice ended up helping create more feeling of loneliness and isolation in individuals and societies). Second, I think there is a problem when turning to technology with questions we should know the answer to by paying attention to our body's own feedback loops. Therefore, the biggest disadvantage here is losing the ability to connect with our body and listen to what is going on in our bodies and minds, or in other words, less awareness to what is happening inside us, like the feeling of being full after a meal, the feeling of being exerted after activity, the feeling of being rested after a nights sleep.

In my opinion, the fact that we move less, combined with a plethora of unreliable gadgets telling us how much physical activity we did in a day, what was our energy expenditure, how much we slept and the quality of our sleep, might become a dangerous phenomena. Do we really want technology to tell us how we feel? Do I feel full after a meal? At what point do I stop eating? Do I feel rested when I wake up? Am I dragging myself all day? Did I move or have been physically active enough during the day? We forget or don't try to pay attention to what we feel and the signals and alarms coming from our bodies.

I would hypothesize that as a mindset, thinking of a daily physical activity as exercise is causing people to do less exercise ("I don't need to go to the gym since I walked my dog today") and therefore harming themselves as individuals and as a society in the long run. We are already paying a huge monetary, social, physical and emotional price for the lack of movement and exercise in our society, and I predict that this trend will continue to get worse if these two phenomena continue getting more traction in our culture. I would strongly recommend stopping to think of your daily activities as exercise, this will force you to face the reality that we don't move enough, and have a better chance of changing our behavior than the self deluding alternative.

Note: We contracted out building our homes, then contracted our growing our food, then contracted out making our clothing, in the western world contracted out cooking and food perpetration, now a days we are contracting out feedback loops from our body to technology, and soon we will be contracting out decision making (algorithms predicting behavior are already here and exponentially getting more sophisticated). Raises the question, as a species whom are looking to evolve, for the individual does this look like progression or regression?

Peace and Love, Daniel

You can contact Daniel at its4dan@yahoo.com

5 Steps to Loving Yourself

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Many people mistakenly think that if a person loves himself, then he's a narcissist...

The world is utterly confused between narcissism, a definitely undesirable trait, and loving yourself, which is a key to your happiness, success and emotional health in addition to being the vital element in your relationship with yourself, with others and with the Creator.

Narcissism is excessive to exclusive interest in oneself and one's physical appearance. The narcissist is far from happy, for he or she craves praise and admiration. He wants to be the center of the show and needs everyone to tell him how great he (or she) is and looks. In that way, the narcissist is an emotional cripple, entirely dependent on compliment-handouts from others.

The person who loves himself is the exact opposite and entirely independent: he who loves himself doesn't need any outside reinforcement. He's happy with himself, no matter how seemingly unsuccessful or limited he might be.

If we don't love ourselves, we won't be able to love anyone else. A person who doesn't love himself is never satisfied with himself or with anyone around him, he's not even satisfied with the Almighty!

If you want to be happy right now, and not wait until you become rich, get elected to the Senate or find the spouse of your dreams, then you must learn to love yourself. If you wait for the dream to materialize, you'll find that even then, you won't be truly happy, because loving yourself doesn't depend on that dream coming true either or on any other external condition.

Here's how to love yourself in a few easy steps: repeat these steps every day until they become second nature.

Step #1: Look in the mirror, close-up. Don't focus on your clogged pores or on your broken nose (like mine; when I look east, my nose looks west). They mean nothing. Don't count your gray hairs, if you have them. Look into your eyes. See into the wonderful soul reflecting from those eyes. Do this for a whole minute, 60 seconds. If you have tears in your eyes, that's fine. If you start crying, that's even better. If you blurt out, "I love you," that's wonderful. This just might be the first time that you looked at your real self.
Step #2: Repeat the first of the Rambam's 13 Principles of Faith. Encapsulated, tell yourself that you believe that everything comes from the Almighty and that He alone did, does and will do everything. 
Step #3: The Torah tells us that we are Hashem's children and that His love for us is unfathomable. For sixty seconds, tell yourself, "G-d loves me." Don't simply repeat it ��� contemplate it and feel gratitude in your heart for the zillions of life's blessings. Now, move on.
Step #4: Think now that since the Creator is a loving Father-in-Heaven, and He loves me, He therefore created me with everything I need to be happy. Think how your apparent shortcomings are not shortcomings at all, because the Creator doesn't give you what you don't need to fulfill your purpose in life. Now, look for your good points. Think of your three most beautiful qualities.
Step #5: Tell yourself how much you love yourself, just the way you are, right now ��� the whole package as is. Since you love yourself, you're now ready to love everyone else. Think now how much you love life and love G-d. Thank Him for these 5 steps and now have a great day!

Can you imagine what you've just accomplished?

A person who loves himself will never lie, because he or she doesn't need to invent stories to try and make themselves look great in other people's eyes.

A person who loves himself will never speak slander or other evil speech, about anyone.

A person who loves himself will never ridicule any other human being.

A person who loves himself will never flatter evil or evil people, and tell them out of fear (of being accepted or of losing a job) that they or their evil deeds are wonderful.

The four sins of lying, evil speech, ridicule and flattery sever a person from the Almighty. The soul, in order to be happy, must be connected to the Almighty. By loving yourself, not only do you maintain that connection, but you smile all day long. Nothing in the world is better. Every blessing, LB