Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 475

December 22, 2012: Downfall! Blog Talk Radio! And holiday plans!

Well, this is nice.  I received request to have my superhero-themed short story, “Downfall”, reprinted for an upcoming anthology by Rich Horton.  Rich is an SF enthusiast, avid reader, and reviewer for publications like Black Gate, Fantasy Magazine, and Locus.  He read “Downfall” when it first appeared in the Lou Anders-edited Masked and had very nice things to say about it at the time, referring to it as “nicely twisty [...] involving throughout, with some worthwhile surprises.”

Looks like I’ll be in great company, sharing the pages of this collections alongside the likes of Peter S. Beagle and Kelly Link.

From the book jacket: ”Superheroes: modern gods and goddesses, remote, revered, but like the pantheon of heroes and heroines of ancient myth, great power tempered with flaws. And now, find within these pages tales by gifted and award-winning authors who move superheroes from the four-color panels of comic books to fiction… reminding every adult of the child within, who ever wanted to wear a cape and cowl!”

You can order it here: Superheroes

On December 26th, I’ll be joining Barbara Barnett on Blog Talk Radio for the first of a two-part Stargate: Universe-themed discussion.  If you’d like to ask participate, tune in at 8:00 p.m. on Wednesday, December 26th, when we’ll be chatting about/fielding questions on SGU’s first season.  Then, tune in again January 2nd for a discussion on season 2.  And, if you’re feeling particularly bold and questiony, call in at (718) 305-6982 when we’re on the air.  Details here:  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/barbara-barnett/2012/12/27/lets-talk-tv-special-stargate-universe-season-1 … [update: the Q&A forum will be open to questions about all three Stargate shows - SG-1, Atlantis, and Universe].

So, provided the world doesn’t end (again) tomorrow, what are all your holidays plans?

December 21, 2012: Apocalypse Now! Or a little earlier or a little later depending on your time zone!

Hunh.  With all due respect to the doomsday sayers, this apocalypse has been vastly overrated.  I don’t mean to complain but I put off my Christmas shopping figuring there would be no real point given the coming global catastrophe.  And now here I find myself, still in one piece, but with a “to buy” list as long as line-ups outside the public bathrooms in Bugarach right about now.  The tiny French town was expecting some 20 000 idiots apocaloptomists to flock to a local mountain where aliens are rumored to be living.  The thinking, apparently, is that said aliens may have extra room on their space ships and might be amenable to offering lifts outside the Alpha Centauri cosmic limits when it all goes to hell.

Well, there’s still time to expect the worst – roughly three hours by my clock – so let’s take a moment and reflect back on our lives.  Any regrets?  None?  Liar!!!  If I had a time machine, I would certainly go back and offer my past self some sound advice:

1971: Take that entire box of comic books, put it in the garage, and forget about it for the next forty years.

1972: Never mind what mom says.  The long hair ain’t cute.

1974: You and Christian Summer Camp.  NOT a good mix.  (P.S. As much as you love them and think it’s a terrific idea, DON’T order five ice cream sandwiches at tuck).

1975: Steer clear of that trampoline!

1978: What did I say about the hair?

1979: Your parents are wrong.  Time spent on Dungeons and Dragons will pay off A LOT more than time wasted on any math or Canadian history class.

1982: Buy extra coca cola to go with that white rum.

1984: Savor this Raiders Super Bowl victory.  The next one will be a long time coming.

1985: Attend you East Asian History class on a more regular basis. Notice your classmates sooner.  Yes, that one.

1987: Don’t bother with that road trip to Quebec City.

1989: Seriously.  She talks to her teddy bears.  AND has them answer back. Get out now!!!

1995: Spend more time with Kennedy from sales.

1997: Take the year off to travel.

1998: In the unlikely event you didn’t follow the aforementioned advice, take it now.

1999: Don’t do it!

2008: Push the agenda sooner.  Get that movie in the can early because…you never know.

2009: Don’t put off until four years from now what you can do today.

2011: Take the year off.  Relax.  Travel.  Maybe freelance from home. If nothing else, be less accommodating.

That’s it off the top of my head.  I’m sure more will come to mind.  Luckily for everyone, I hear that, depending on the translation of the Mayan texts, doomsday was actually today – or Sunday the 23rd.

Yes, of course!  That’s what everyone meant.

Apocalypse later then.

 

December 20, 2012: Your Handy Wildebeest Guide!

Last night, Akemi and I met up with Simon and Sean for dinner at a restaurant I’ve been eager to check out for quite some time: Wildebeest.  According to the restaurant’s website, its focus is on “Meat-centric, off-cut farmhouse fare simply prepared with immaculate ingredients and thoughtful creativity”, reminiscent of L.A.’s Animal and Toronto’s Black Hoof, two other places I’ve been dying to try.

Because of the recent snowfall Vancouver’s inept drivers we gave ourselves plenty of time, leaving the house one full hour ahead of our 6:00 p.m. reservation and arriving fifteen minutes early.  Surprisingly, Simon also erred the side of caution and showed up at the same time. Sean, unfortunately, ended up stuck in traffic and didn’t get there until 6:30 – so we went ahead and made the executive dinner decisions.

To be honest, I wanted to try pretty much everything on the menu.  As Akemi put it, it would have been far simpler to just tell our waiter what we DIDN’T want from the listed items.  In the end, we decided to go with a few starters, a few mains, and a few sides.  This is how our meal broke down:

Pork schnitzel with Wildebeest mustard

The pork was perfectly prepared, crisp and succulent, and the Wildebeest mustard (honey dijon) made for a great dipping accompaniment.  Simon, however, wasn’t totally sold on the coating.

Bacon-wrapped country pate with pistachio, seasonal jam, and pickled vegetables.

Wonderfully rustic, studded with pistachio and hazelnuts.  Akemi, with a taste for the slightly sour, polished off the pickled veggies.

Popcorn chicken hearts, crispy shallot dust, caper relish.

One of the more intriguing plates of the night.  I liked it but didn’t love it.  Hearts are tricky at the best of times, predisposed to being a little tough, and deep-frying them renders them that much chewier.

Grilled beef tongue, wild mushroom consomme, toasted grains, mustard greens.

While Akemi prefers her tongue crispier and thinly sliced, Simon and I marveled over its mouth-meltingly tender texture here.  The broth was outstanding.

Roasted sweetbreads, caramelized buttermilk, wild mushrooms, porcini vinaigrette.

I’ll got ahead and call this my favorite dish of the night.  A nice contrast of tastes and textures – crisp, tender, sweet and savory. Probably the best preparation of the sweetbreads I’ve ever had.

Pork jowl, long pepper-scented oats, bourbon barrel-aged maple syrup.

I know you’d think I’d be a belly guy but, in truth, my favorite part of the pig is the jowl (with the temple coming in a close second).  You’ll be hard-pressed to find a more tender cut and Wildebeest’s take does it full justice.

Sunchokes and brussel sprouts.

An addition to the regular menu.  I liked the preparation but found the sunchokes underdone.

Slow-cooked natural Angus beef short rib, smoked salt, hay-infused jus.

Heavily marbled but deliciously smokey.

Poutine, roasted foie gras.

I’m used to the Au Pied de Cochon version which is a lot heavier on the foie, but this one was a consensus winner – surprisingly, less so for the foie than for the crunchy yet meaty golden fries.

Foie gras torchon, Earl Grey tea, orange blossom bread.

This one was a late addition.  As much as I enjoy a good pate or a pan-seared preparation, nothing beats a good torchon.  And Wildebeest does a damn good one.

We decided to run the table on dessert, ordering all four on the menu…

Pink Lady apple sorbet, vanilla grapefruit creme anglaise, granola, 63C egg yolk.

This was the dessert I was most looking forward to, less so for the fruit elements (of course) than for the inclusion of the 63 degree egg yolk. In the end, I didn’t love it – although Akemi did.

Cardamom & goat’s milk cheesecake, quince sorbet, crumble.

This one was the hands down winner.  The cheesecake is almost a foam – light, airy, very tasty.  I was not a fan of the quince sorbet, its fizzy tartness reminiscent for me of slightly turned apple juice, but Akemi loved it.

Single origin Malumi chocolate cake, tonka bean ice cream, candied beets.

I was dubious about the candied beets when I saw them on the menu and, quite honestly, in the end, they failed to convince me.  Still, they fell somewhere in between the tonka ice cream (great) and the cake itself (disappointingly dry).

Composed cheese – baked farmhouse brie, seasonal fruit jam, buttermilk ice cream.

Well, I’ll give them points for trying.  Brie with buttermilk ice cream? At first blush it sounds a little off-putting but, after giving it some thought, it sounds like it may work.  It didn’t for me.

The kitchen at work

A few minor quibbles with our savory courses but there were at least three or four standout dishes I would recommend to a friend or look forward to on my return visit.  The desserts, on the other hand, while interesting failed to impress.

The atmosphere is laid back; comfortably casual.  The service was terrific, friendly and informative.  And the price point was a surprise, roughly half what you’d expect to pay elsewhere for a similar meal in the city!

Overall, an excellent dinner.  I look forward to coming back to try that roasted bone marrow luge with almond butter and tomato jam.

Wildebeest

This was a farewell feast for Simon who heads of to greener – and no doubt tastier – international culinary pastures.

Bon Voyage and Bon Appetit!

Tagged: food, Vancouver Restaurants, Wildebeest

December 19, 2012: Winter Wonderland! Justice for Chino and Ivy!

I opened the back door this morning to let the dogs out only to discover that, overnight, Vancouver had been transformed into a winter wonderland.  The yard, garage, and surrounding trees were adorned with a thick white dusting.  And Mother Nature wasn’t done yet.  I looked on, amazed, as it continued to flurry, big fat flakes drifting down to perfect the ideal White Christmas tableau.  My dogs, on the other hand, weren’t quite as impressed.  They eyed the transformation, sniffed the air and exchanged what looked suspiciously like WTF? looks before trotting back inside and going back to sleep.

Alas, no going back to sleep for me.  I was up and had errands to run. Gifts to drop off.  Comic books to pick up.  Girlfriends to drop off at their various English classes!

The road conditions were tricky but manageable, paricularly for a seasoned Montreal driver like yours truly who drives a big-ass SUV and had the foresight to switch out his summer wheels for winter tires. Unfortunately for yours truly, it appears that a significant number of Vancouver drivers: 1. Evidently forgot they lived in Canada and 2. Failed to get winter or all-season tires AND 3. Have evidently never driven in inclement weather before.  The streets were a disaster.  Cars stuck, spinning their wheels in frustration, or advancing at a cautious snail’s pace, commanding both lanes of the two-lane street.  I spent half my day in traffic.

Zipping along.

When I returned home, I was finally able to coax the dogs out.  But only partway.  Whereas the lawn is prime pooping real estate in the spring, summer, and fall, all bets are off come winter.  Apparently, now, anywhere it has snowed is fair territory.  My french bulldog, Lulu, two three steps, decided the end of the porch was good enough, did her business and scampered back inside.

Today, I’d like to bring to your attention a pet-related cause.

First up, there’s this very sad story about a family dog (a pitbull named Chino) who was shot by a police officer in Charlotte, N.C.:

“That’s when Chino and Ivy rushed outside for some love.

They weren’t barking, they weren’t growling.  They were running around me,” Janneth Sanchez said.

Sanchez says she bent over and held Chino by the hips.  At the same time Officer D. Bryant yelled at her to grab Chino, and officer Bryant shot and killed Chino by the time he finished his sentence.”

(http://www.wcnc.com/news/local/Family-CMPD-officer-killed-pet-bullet-nearly-hits-pregnant-wife-183999761.html)

By the way, Janneth Sanchez, Chino’s owner, was eight pregnant at the time.  Outrageous.

You can sign a petition demanding that the Police Officer responsible, D.Bryan, Badge # 4450, be held accountable for his actions: TAKE ACTION! Demand Justice for Chino and Ivywww.causes.comChino was shot and killed in Charlotte, NC on private property by a police officer D BRYAN on December 16, 2012. Ivy was also shot but only injured in the incident. Neither dogs were attacking the officer or showing any sign of aggression. Let’s help to get justice for this family. BACKGROUND IN…

Or lend the family some support by visiting here: Justice For Chino and Ivy

Tagged: Chino and Ivy, Dogs, Justice for Chino and Ivy, pitbulls

December 18, 2012: Kyaa! And the mailbag!

Black Hawk down

Over the almost three years we’ve been together, I’ve gotten know a lot about Akemi.  For one, she’s an amazing cook.  She also excels at gift-wrapping.  She’s incredibly kind and considerate.  She loves dogs (especially Bubba).  She’s afraid of spiders, mysterious night time noises, and any food that has been sitting in the refrigerator for over a week.  Oh, and she’s a tad klutzy.  The sight of her wielding a kitchen knife fills me with dread. Still, There’s something downright adorable about the way she’ll trip over the most seemingly innocuous things (a rock, the curb, a discarded lozenge), shouting “Ooooo!” or “Kyaa!” or loosening a cross between a shriek and squeak as she stumbles forward, arms windmilling, hands scrambling for purchase.  I have never known a woman with such bad walking luck.  It’s as if there exists some inexplicable law of attraction between the heels of her shoes and every crack and cranny in the sidewalk.  It’s kind of amusing, almost endearing – unless she has her arm around you at the time in which case, depending on how well-balanced you are in that split second, you could be going down for the count along with her.

There was the time she tripped over the bicycle path while carrying Jelly and fell flat on her face like some hard luck cartoon character, arms outstretched, buffering the blow for my eldest pug who landed, none the worse for wear, and ambled off.  There was the time she tripped going up the stairs and broke her glasses.  And then, there was the other day…

I came home to find her at the door, looking incredibly sheepish.  ”I fell again,”she admitted and then, after showing me the beginnings of her various bruises, proceeded to re-enact the sequence of events.  She was playing keepaway with our french bulldog, Lulu.  Dog toy in hand, she raced down the hall, Lulu hot on her heels.  But she was moving too fast, failed to negotiate the turn and wiped out, landing as pictured above – sprawled, left arm extended and still clutching the dog toy. Lulu stopped and looked down at her, perhaps considering how best to console her – then decided against it, grabbed the dog toy out of her hand, and scampered away with her prize.

As a result, I’ve decided to revise my Christmas list insofar as Akemi is concerned.  I’m thinking either this -

These -

Aluminum alloy toe guards.

Or this -

Personal air bag system. (http://www.coroflot.com/MatthewTucker/Free-Fall-Tool-Harness-and-Personal-Airbag-System)

Mailbag:

Anthony Porter writes: “It’s the worst thing to happen to Salt Lake since the Giant Brine Shrimp! (http://youtu.be/OEQd17JjxxU).”

Answer: Terrifyingly tasty!

dasndanger writes: “Joe, I have a few questions…  1. Are you going to restart the BOTM club, perhaps in the new year?”

Answer: Thinking about it.

“2. If so, can we do Dark Matter? (I’m pretty sure we haven’t, though I know you’ve answered questions about it already throughout various blog entries.)”

Answer: Hmmm.  I thought we had discussed Dark Matter as a book of the month club selection but, apparently, we haven’t.  Great idea now that the trade paperback is out.  I’ll schedule it for February.

3. If the BOTM thing is too much, what about a book every other month, or so?

Answer: No, a book a month is fine.  And I think I’ll start taking requests this time around as well.

4. Regarding previous BOTM Q&As, when an author doesn’t get back to you with the answers, does it put you off their work?

Answer: Not so much their work as it does hosting a book of the month club.  I understand people are busy and try to make things as easy as possible for them to participate – gauging their interest at first and, if they’re keen, sending them the Q&A, informing them that they are free to pick and choose among the questions and that there is no hard deadline to get back to us.  Even so, a few of those Q&A’s went out, never to be responded to.  And when it happen twice in a row, well, I decided to put the club on indefinite hiatus.

5. Are you reading any comics at the moment?

Answer: I am.  In trades, I just finished up Jason Aaron’s Scalped and am still reading Kirkman’s The Walking Dead, Lemire’s Sweet Tooth, and Layman and Guillory’s Chew.  As far as ongoing titles, I used to love Iron Man and The Ultimates, but dropped them soon after the creative shift.  Still enjoying Waid’s work on Daredevil and Rucka’s Punisher.  Same goes for Scott Snyder’s Batman.  Jason Aaron on Thor has been a pleasant surprise as has Mark Waid’s take on the Hulk.  Fantastic Four, with Fraction assuming writing duties, has also impressed.  Still picking up Ultimate Spiderman and Matt Fraction’s Hawkeye.  Am sticking with All-New X-Men, Avengers Arena Thunderbolts, and Captain American for now.

PBMom writes: “Thanks everyone for the Patrick birthday wishes. He had a bad seizure on Saturday, but he is okay today. Had a quiet day at school. We go back to the doctor for him after the holidays.”

Answer: Here’s hoping for a happy and restful holiday for both you Patrick.

Bella&Kasper writes: “We had a harrowing experience last night. On the way home from Christmas & wedding (my step daughter is getting married Fri with a reception at our place) shopping, I hit a moose with my brand new little Subaru Forester.”

Answer: Glad to hear you and your hubby are okay (well, better than your Subaru anyway).  Where did this happen?

Maggiemayday writes: “Mmm, marzipan. I adore marzipan.”

Answer: Marzipan is a contentious issue.  It’s hard to find people not passionate on the subject.  I, for one, love it.  On other hand, you have people like Akemi and my writing partner, Paul, who hate it.

Paloosa writes: “I got some good news this past week. Thankfully, Norman hasn’t grown much and is considered stable. I don’t have to worry about the little dude for another year.”

Answer: Great to hear.

Ponytail writes: “Hilarious convesation with Akemi. That first picture of her is very pretty. Is it recent? I’m just noting the sleeveless dress. You must keep a very warm house.”

Answer: That’s Japanese fashion for you.  Today, she wore a skirt out shopping.  In 0 degree (32 Fahrenheit) weather.

mike mcginnis writes: “when is the SGA recap going to continue?”

Answer: Our trip down Stargate: Atlantis memory lane will continue, with SGA’s fifth and final season, in the new year.

December 17, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Lightspeed!

Dis movie suck more den Grover’s aunt Tildy at a Shriner’s convention.

Movie begin wit guy walking down a dark alley where he encounter shaky creep hiding under dirty blanket.  To most sane people, dis be invitation to skedaddle.  But not dis guy.  He stand and watch as – in movie’s most horrifying sequence – creep trow off blanket and KNOCK COFFEE CUP OUT OF GUY’S HAND.  HE GET COFEE EVERYWHERE!!!

Oh, and he a snake man.

CUT TO: SWAT team, Ghost Squad, showing up at scene of some heist. Team members given orders: “You, you and you – go dis way.  You, you, and you go dat way.”  You, you, and you?  You tink dat, maybe, dese guys might be on a first name basis?

Inside building, armed thugs everywhere.  Dey led by Snake Man who stroll around all nonchalant, wearing a towel draped over his head like he just finished a spa treatment.  He joined by guy whose coffee he spilled in alley.  Turns out it he be Snake Man’s brother.  Me tink.

[image error]superheroes

December 16, 2012: Did you miss Santa’s helpers? A trip to the Vancouver Christmas Market!

“Did you miss Santa’s helper?”I heard Akemi ask me.

“Did I miss Santa’s helper?”I asked back.

“Did you meet Sam and Andy?”she seemed to say.

“Did I meet Sam and Andy?”I echoed back quizzically.

“Did you meet Uncle Stansby?”she tried again, the frustration clearly mounting.

“Did I meet Uncle Stansby?”I repeated, growing equally weary.

“DID – YOU – MIS-UNDERSTAND ME?!!!”

Yes.  In fact, I had!

Today, we went to the Vancouver Christmas Market, taking advantage of a rare non-rainy day to take in the German-themed fare.

This place made me think of Carl.

And the chocolate covered marzipan made me think of Alexander.

Mulled wine. Better in theory.

A trio of offerings at the Nudel Haus.

Akemi and friend.

Creepy German wooden toys.

Things get busy fast.

Schnitzel wrap

Akemi ready to indulge in some currywurst.

Spaetzle with ham, cheese, and fried onions.

At one point (at Akemi’s insistence) we waited twenty minutes to check out a vast selection of special Christmas ornaments.  Fifteen minutes into the chilly line-up, I said to Akemi: “This better be the greatest collection of Christmas ornaments in existence.”

In case you’re thinking of going – they weren’t.

Vancouver Christmas Market | November 24 – December 24 | A …

Our Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes tomorrow as guest critic Cookie Monster drops by for his review of Lightspeed.  I hear he has a lot to say about this one…

Off to watch the Survivor finale.  If Malcolm makes it to the finale, the grand prize is his.

December 15, 2012: Happy Birthday Aspen!

My sister’s husky, Aspen, celebrated his 13th birthday today.  It’s quite an achievement given the circumstances.  The poor boy is battling cancer and has been having a rough time of late.  The mass is putting pressure and slowing circulation to one of his paws and causing swelling in his leg.  Sis has been bringing him in to physio three times a week.

Apparently, the hydro-therapy helps – but it’s exhausting.

I know what sis is going through as I went through the exact same thing with Maximus.  He’d have his good days and his bad days – and, while the bad days never failed to make me doubt the course of treatment, the good days always confirmed I’d made the right choice.

So good luck to Aspen and sis.   Today’s blog entry is dedicated to you both.  And also to Line Noise and Bella.

December 14, 2012: A strange, sad day

This morning, I dropped off Jelly at the vet hospital for her scheduled ultrasound.  She’s been prone to bladder infections over the past couple of years and, lately, in the past few weeks, has been having an alarming number of “accidents” in the house.  She’s going to be fourteen this February so, yes, she is getting on in years and that may account for it, but these recent developments have come on so suddenly that I thought it best to get her checked out just in case.

Jelly

As I always do whenever one of my dogs is about to undergo a procedure, I have someone run me through the specifics.  No anesthesia, I was informed.  She’d be brought into a dark, quiet room where the ultrasound device would use high frequency sound waves to create an image of her stomach and bladder.  It would be relaxed, non-invasive and, at the end of the day, perhaps one of the more pleasant of diagnostics.  It sounded so nice I was tempted to make an appointment for myself as well!

I was told they would phone me with the results and a pick-up time for Jelly, so I drove back home and had just sat down to catch up on my emails when I noticed the breaking story on the news feeds.  Shocking and incredibly sad.  While I’m sure this incident will reignite the long-standing debate on gun control, I think the bigger issue should be mental health and what, if anything, can be done to protect the general population from individuals with obvious psychological issues.

Today’s shooting comes on the heels of a report that an ex-doctor who murdered his own children, aged 5 and 3, during a bitter dispute with his wife, has been released after spending four years in a psychiatric facility.  Four years!  Ex-doctor’s release proves need for new law, minister says.  Just last week here in Vancouver, a man who had been seeing a hospital psychiatrist, attacked three random elderly women, two of whom remain in critical condition.  I’m not sure what the answer is but, clearly, the system we have in place isn’t working.  I feel as though we just had this conversation (November 29, 2012: Soliciting your opinions on parental responsibility and time travel opportunities! and November 30, 2012: On parental responsibility and time travel II!).

Anyway, today’s events were horrific.  And only ten days from Christmas.  I can’t imagine what the grieving parents must be going through.  Heartbreaking.

Suffice it to say, I found it difficult to accomplish much today outside of following the news reports.  I picked up Jelly later this afternoon and, about an hour later, received a call from the vet.  On the one hand, there was no sign of any mass in her bladder (a worst case possibility they had warned me about), but something in the results set off, well, if not alarm bells then let’s call them pre-alarm bells.  She told me it wasn’t necessarily the case, but there was a chance Jelly could have developed Cushing’s Syndrome, an overproduction of the hormone cortisol, usually the result of a tumor in either adrenal or pituitary gland.  The disease is apparently more common in older dogs and treatment can be tricky because, in many cases, the side effects of the treatment are often worse than the disease itself.  She asked me whether I’d noticed some recent changes in Jelly’s behavior…

Is she drinking a lot more water?  Is she peeing more?  Does she pant a lot?  Does she always seem very hungry?  Well, she’s a pug.  As for the other three symptoms – yes, yes, and yes.  Perhaps more alarming is the fact that these self-same symptoms have cropped up in Lulu lately.  In the past couple of weeks, she just can’t seem to get enough water.  Or food.  She’ll park herself in front of the wok kitchen where I store the dog food and barks until she gets a some kibble.  Very unusual for her.  And, yes, she’s been doing A LOT of heavy panting at night.

Lulu

Jelly is scheduled to go in for some follow-up tests next week and I’m considering bringing Lulu in as well.

Bubba – no symptoms. But he has his own issues.

I’d received the call from the vet while Akemi and I were out shopping for groceries and, as I explained the situation to her, the older woman walking in front of us informed me that her brother died of Cushings. He had mistakenly been diagnosed with diabetes – apparently the symptoms are similar – and was treated with insulin.  In this case, the cure contributed to his death.  A sad story but she seemed spirited if not a little wistful.  She stopped at the bus shelter.  I noticed the roller bag sitting beside her.  ”Come on,”I said.  ”Let me give you a lift.”  She thanked me for the offer but informed me that her destination was well out of my way – a good twenty minute drive from where we were.  But, given the type of day I’d had, I actually looked forward to a leisurely ride through a new neighborhood.

And so, I popped her stuff in the trunk and gave her a lift.  She was delightful company, an Irish transplant who shares my mom’s affinity for dogs and Maeve Binchy books.

Sure, it was twenty minutes out of my way – and I did get lost on the way back home – but it was, nevertheless, the high point of my day.

December 13, 2012: Miss Shelby’s Hard-Luck Scammer!

Akemi and I had just finished our evening workout and were preparing to take the dogs out for their last backyard bathroom visit of the night when, suddenly, the doorbell rang.  My first thought was: “Damn charity canvassers.  I’ll just ignore them.”  And then, as the realization dawned, my second thought was: “It’s 10:00 p.m.  That’s no charity canvasser.”  I remembered reading that if someone ever comes to your door, if nothing else, you should let them know you’re home – just in case they’re casing the place in preparation to rob it.  And, after my brush with a potential home invasion a couple of years back (March 21, 2009: Hi! I was just in the neighborhood and thought I’d break in!) I wasn’t about to take any chances.  So, I turned on all the lights and looked out the handy window that flanks my door.

Some stranger stood on the porch.  Maybe mid-forties, dressed a little shabbily, he seemed to perk up at the sight of me peering out at him. “Yeah?”was my less-than-warm greeting.

“Hi,”he said, loudly enough to be heard through the closed door.  ”I’ve been doing some work for Miss Shelby down the road and I have a flat. I was wondering if I could borrow some cab fare to get home.”

It’s not that I was unsympathetic.  Just extremely distrustful.

Mistake #1: If he was “doing some work for Miss Shelby”, why wasn’t SHE footing the cab fare?

Mistake #2: Since 95% of the homes in my neighborhood are Chinese-owned, the selection of “Shelby” as a possible run-of-the-mill-maybe-that-IS-my-neighbor’s-name was a poor choice on his part.  If he’d gone with “I was doing some work for Mrs. Luang down the road and I have a flat”, I probably would have been more inclined to…well, not believe him, but certainly give him a little more credit for the effort.

“Sorry,”I told him.  ”I don’t open my doors to strangers after ten p.m.”. In truth, I rarely if ever open my doors to strangers unless I’m in a haranguing mood.

He looked down at his watch and seemed to think: “Shit.  If I’d just come ten minutes earlier, I’d have cab fare right now!”, looked up and opened his mouth to say something, then thought better of it, turned around and headed back down the walk.  He was considerate enough to close the front gate on his way out.

I actually considered checking his story out by hopping into my SUV and circling around the block in search of a car with a flat tire, but changed my mind after imagining that, if he was truly resourceful, he could have flattened some poor, unsuspecting shmo’s tire in the hope that someone would do just that.  So, instead, I skipped the car ride and took the dogs out to the backyard as planned, one eye on the Jelly, Bubba, and Lulu, the other eye on the shadowy side of the house (which I imagined as the ideal area from which to launch an ambush).

Well, the rest of the night was uneventful.  But that didn’t stop Akemi from suggesting we start locking the front gate after dark.  I think she’s a little spooked because this incident comes on the heels of another incident that occurred in Japan.  Apparently, a friend was alone one night when she heard someone trying to force the front door of the family home.  She yelled and the would-be burglar abandoned his efforts and left.  The next day, the police informed her that, since the intruder didn’t actually gain access to the house, there was no point in dusting for fingerprints.  If, in the future, said intruder succeeded in gaining entry, then they would certainly dust for prints wherever he happened to leave them (ie. the inside of the doorjamb, the t.v., her throat).

Whenever the subject of home burglaries comes up, I’m always reminded of the Jason Momoa story.  Back in his first year on Atlantis, Jason was living in a modest apartment in the downtown center.  One night, he was awakened by whispers outside his front door, then the rattle of the doorknob.  Someone – someONES! – was trying to break in.  As the hushed conversation continued on the other side of the door, Jason crawled out of bed and grabbed the first things handy – a couple of ice axes he’d used on a recent mountain climbing outing. The doorknob rattled.  Heart pounding, Jason quietly approached and then -

Threw open the door and jumped out, loosening a no-doubt horrific howl of rage.  I’m sure that, to many of his fans, the prospect of having a half-dressed Jason Momoa towering over them would be the stuff of dreams – but in the case of these two fellows, a half-dressed, 6’4 raging over them with an ice axe in each hand was more the stuff of nightmares.  They bolted like a couple of scared rabbits – and, I like to imagine, shit their pants as well.