Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 4

September 18, 2025: Looking ahead!

Back in Montreal for the next ten days.  When I’m not with mom at the convalescent home, I’ll be checking out a few dog-friendly lunch spots; and cafes with Akemi and Sharky.  Akemi is putting together a short list, but suggestions would be greatly appreciated

A reminder that our Columbo rewatch continues tomorrow with the season 9 finale…

Oof.  This one was something else.  But I’ll save my comments for tomorrow’s entry.

So what do you think?  Shall we forge ahead and complete the series?  16 more episodes to go.

Meanwhile, Sunday…

I’ll be chatting with David Read on his Dial the Gate series.  Drop by.  And bring your questions!

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September 17, 2025: Amazing Covers!

A few that caught my eye this week…

No Man’s Land #1 – cover art by Szymon Kudransk

No Man’s Land #1 – cover art by Szymon Kudransk

Catwoman #79 – cover art by Dan Panosian

Catwoman #79 – cover art by Frank Cho

Justice League Red #2 – cover art by Jorge Fornes

The Batman: Second Knight #1 – cover art by Marc Aspinall

The Killer: Affairs of the State II #4 – cover art by Jacob Phillips

So, which were YOUR favorites?

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September 16, 2025: Soliciting your erudite art opinions!

Looking to expand my art t-shirt collection.   I’ve narrowed down to the following.  What do you think?

Caravaggio – “Medusa” (1597)

Guido Reni – David and Goliath (1610)

Jean Alaux  – “Tonb of John Catherineau” *1875)

Odilon Redon – “The Monster” (1890)

John Williams Waterhouse – “Circe Offering the Cup to Ulysses” (1891)

Lawrence Alma Tadema – “The Roses of Heliogabalus” (1888)

John Atkinson Grimshaw – “November” (1879)

Mucha – “The Apotheosis of the Slavs” (1926)

John Williams Waterhouse – “The Lady of Shallott” (1888)

Edmund Leighton – “Accolade” (1901)

Carl Blechen – “Stormy Sea with Lighthouse” (1826)

Gustave Dore – “Death of Samson” (1866)

Which are your favorites?

 

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September 15, 2025: Our Columbo rewatch continues with… “Uneasy Lies the Crown”!

This episode first aired April 28, 1990.

The script for this episode was originally written in 1973 by Steven Bochco for Columbo’s third season but during a dinner with Peter Falk and his mother, the script was shelved because Falk’s mom refused to believe anyone would buy a killer dentist. Bochco later rewrote the script and used it for an episode McMillan and Wife in 1977. For some reason, despite the fact it had already been used for a completely different show, producers decided to just shoot the old script.

At one point, Columbo mentions the fact that he’s been on the police force 22 years – which was pretty much how long Columbo had been on the air at the time.

Columbo, who has always taken his coffee black in the past, asks for it with cream in this episode.

My thoughts on this episode in chronological viewing order…

Dr. Wesley Corman: Dentist to the Stars!

Why is he working on the left side of his mouth if he injected the anesthetic on the right side of his patient’s mouth? This would be a red flag for me if I was going in for a filling.

Celebrity poker! If I was hosting, you know who I wouldn’t invite back? The guy doing the archaic impressions.

Why wouldn’t she call 911 first? (This question is answered later. Clever!)

Why the need to stage this? Couldn’t they have simply claimed he dropped by for a visit – even if it was to see the dentist – and had a heart attack?

Columbo struggling with that siren. Like my 91-year-old mother trying to figure out her cell phone.

Why is a homicide detective showing up at a car accident?

Aha! The car was in neutral.

Wait. The couple have their own personalized matches?

Of course he says yes to coffee and bagels.

Loved this exchange:
“You know, I had a cousin once about the same age. He didn’t smoke. Didn’t drink. Worked out a couple of times a week. Just walking along the street.” Snaps his fingers. “Just like that.”
“Heart attack?”
“No. He got run over by a bakery truck.”

Aha! Digitalis!

“Can you think of a better way to go.”

Egads! That sweater! It burns my eyes!

Columbo traces the margarita – and digitalis – back to the wife. She’s been set up!

I love the fact that Columbo feels the need to whisper to the receptionist so as not to alarm the already anxious patients.

Columbo recognizes actress Nancy Walker from “The Rock Hudson Show”, a reference to McMillan and Wife which was Columbo’s longtime partner on the NBC Mystery Wheel.

Columbo also recognizes but can’t quite place Dick Sargent, the second Darren from Bewitched.

He recognizes some other familiar faces – but I didn’t.

“That’s Dom DeLuise.”
“I love Dom DeLuise, but no.”
We all love Dom DeLuise!

Love these roomy well-lit club scenes that make it seem like it must be 4:00 p.m.

That’s it? They admit to moving the body and he’s like “Well, that clears things up.”

Columbo vs. the coffee machine. Funny but clearly padding.

Aha! Why would the victim need matches if he had a lighter? Maybe he collected matches?

Love Columbo’s “Sir..Sir…” as he peeks over and down at them from the next level of seats.

“Believe it or not I used to have red hair,”says the bartender before being roundly ignored. Just serves the drinks, pal.

Why the need to play this scene with a numbered mouth?

The server just happens to have a cold and also just happens to have his big multicolored bottle of time release pills on him.

“Last night, I couldn’t sleep. I went over to my nephew’s house – ” I can imagine Columbo rousing this terrified kid out of a deep slumber at 2 am: “Jimmy, wake up! I need your chemistry set!”

The Columbo chemistry lesson is cool – but later, we learn, a bunch of malarkey.

“What I did was no worse than what you and your father had planned for me.” Maybe slightly worse?

Not a bad episode although I still don’t see the need for that elaborate staging of the death scene. Wouldn’t it have all worked out the same way if they’d just left the body at the house? I did, as always, enjoy the comedic Columbo moments – and there were plenty here. I also thought the Gotcha! was pretty good. No hard evidence, but he did get that confession.

Next up is the final episode of Columbo’s 9th season, “Murder in Malibu”. What do you think? Should we keep going?

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September 14, 2025: Sharky Sunday!

Sharky out and About – Buno…

Ear massage…

Translation?

Scrappy scrap!

Security detail…

Out and About…

Happy Dreams…

sharky-happy-dreams-mp4

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September 13, 2025: Four More 2025 Crime Read Recommendations!

With 180+ 2025 crime reads under my belt, I’m adding a few more to my list of recommendations.  A little something for everyone…

The Silver State by Gabriel Urza

When a public defender receives a letter from a client on death row, he is forced to reexamine his role in the murder case he cannot shake.

Her Many Faces by Nicci Cloke

When four wealthy members are poisoned at London’s most exclusive private club, a young waitress is arrested. But which is the true face of Katherine Cole? And is she a killer?

Murder at Gull’s Nest by Jess Kidd

A former nun searches for answers in a small seaside town after her pen pal mysteriously disappears.

Coram House by Bailey Seybolt

Struggling true crime writer Alex Kelley is asked to ghostwrite a book about Coram House, an orphanage with a dark past.

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September 12, 2025: Our Columbo rewatch continues with…”Rest in Peace, Mrs. Columbo”

This episode first aired March 31, 1990.

This episode was written by Peter S. Fischer who also wrote “Publish or Perish”, “A Friend in Deed”, “An Exercise in Fatality”, and “Negative Reaction”.

The wife of the home buyer in the opening scene is played by Rosanna Huffman, wife of series co-creator Richard Levinson. She also played the part of Tracy O’Connor in “Suitable for Framing”.

My thoughts on this episode in chronological viewing order…

Opening on Mrs. Columbo’s funeral is a gut punch. Poor Columbo looks broken.

This Voice Over and flashback are weird.

“There’s a game at the Sports Arena.” Ah, yes. And I’m sure he is a huge fan of “home team”.

Ah, the maudlin mourning of her husband. Longingly trailing her fingers over the framed photo.

She is out for revenge. Leaves her half-finished drink and cigarette at the crime scene. Doesn’t do a very good job of getting rid of the murder weapon. It’s like she wants to be caught.

Back to the funeral and more V.O., this time by a meaningless character. What the hell is the dead man’s secretary doing at Mrs. Columbo’s funeral?

Mrs. Columbo has a dead thumb. Should it be a brown thumb?

Columbo admits he loves his wife. He wouldn’t know what to do with her. Is he setting her up?

Vivian’s story doesn’t add up. They’ve arrested past murderers with less evidence.

Back to the funeral and another cheesy V.O., this time from Lovejoy. What hell is HE doing at Mrs. Columbo’s funeral? Is the post-burial buffet that good?

Whenever they say Falcon Ridge, I think Falcon Crest. Similar vibe.

“You got a guy called Heinrich to make chili?”
They changed the recipe and it’s not longer quite as good – like these new Columbos.

Wish this revenge plot had been related to an actual past episode.

Wait! Now Columbo is saying they don’t have children, contradicting what he said in a previous episode. Are the online theories correct? Is he actually delusional and only imagining he has a wife?

She’d like to meet Mrs. Columbo? Oh, I bet she would.

“You won’t need a lawyer. We aren’t accusing you of anything.” Is that how it works?

Boy, this angry suspect is OTT.

What the hell is she rubbing on her face and lips while watching this slideshow? It looks like a cat’s paw.

Columbo talks about killing the taste of the snails, but didn’t he happily eat snails in a previous episode?

Oh, no! Mrs. Columbo was found on the kitchen floor!

Back to the funeral and the wrap-up. Lonely Columbo asking Vivian back to his place should be a red flag for her.

Why is she initially panicked at the sight of him eating the poisoned marmalade?

Warm. Sweaty. Dizzy. Columbo is a pretty good actor for a cop.

Why is she giving him a massage while admitting to the crime?

“I don’t think so ma’am. This is not my kitchen floor. And this is not my house.” Gotcha!

Ah, the old secret recording trick, one of the most unsatisfying of mystery tropes.

Of course he had the marmalade tested as soon as he received it.

I do like the slap and I do feel kind of sorry for her. Kind of.

And we end on Columbo calling to check in on his wife? Or his imaginary Mrs. Columbo.

While I do like the fact the production wanted to try something new with these silly voice overs and flashbacks, it really felt like they lacked faith in the show’s established formula (here and in recent episodes). If it aint broken, don’t fix it!

Overall, I thought this episode was fine – but found the whole Mrs. Columbo funeral charade pretty ridiculous. Still, I did like Helen Shaver’s Vivian Dimitri and thought it was an enjoyable (albeit predictable) Gotcha!

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September 11, 2025: Out and About!

I cannot resist a good supervillain action figure.  Or three.  From left to right: Deadshot, Deathstroke, and – one of my favorite Flash rogues – Mirror Master.  Picked these up today on our way back home from an afternoon excursion with Sharky – pizza at Toronto’s best pizza spot (Pizza Badiali), a dessert trio from Castle & Coal (Kouign Amman, canele, and chocolate cake), and a coffee from Buno Coffee.  I enjoy these occasional afternoon outings, even more so now that we picked up a sleek new stroller that turns on a dime.  It makes things a whole lot easier given Sharky is not only a slow walker, meanderer, and occasional stopper, but a pug who tires very quickly which often results in either Akemi or I picking him up and carrying him back home.  I don’t mind doing it but Akemi’s back has suffered as a result so we decided to invest in this luxury ride…

A reminder that our Columbo rewatch continues tomorrow with the ominously titled “Rest in Peace Mrs. Columbo”.  I have to say, season 9 has been a pleasant surprise following the subpar season 8.  Let’s see if the streak continues…

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September 10, 2025: Amazing Covers!

A few that caught my eye this week…

Batman and Robin #25 – cover art by Javi Fernandez

Red Hood #1 – cover art by Jae Lee

Powers #25 – cover art by David Mack

Death of the Silver Surfer #4 – cover art by Dike Ruan

Aquaman #9 – cover art by Don Aguillo

So, which were YOUR favorites?

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September 9, 2025: The Big “200” Breakdown!

SG-1 was about to attain the loftiest of broadcast heights – its 200th episode – and we wanted to do something special. Something unique. Something everyone on the production would enjoy as much as the longtime fans watching at home. The initial idea pitched was something called “Remember When…”, a trip down memory lane in which our characters’ reflections would form the frames of the varied flashbacks to outrageous missions. While everyone loved the idea of the outrageous missions, the premise of the episode felt too diffuse. We wanted an actual story that would form the heart of the episode. After much discussion, we elected to pay tribute to the franchise by referencing our last milestone – episode 100 – and bringing back Martin Lloyd and the show within a show, Wormhole X-Treme. But the fun we poked at the franchise through that spoof production was nothing compared to what we had in store for 200…

WE FINALLY GOT TO MEET THE FURLINGS!

Sort of. Even though it never really happened and we end up getting them killed in the end.

Back in the show’s fourth season, not long after joining the production, I was summoned to Exec. Producer Robert Cooper’s office. He was doing his pass on our first script, Scorched Earth, and needed something from me: the name of an alien race. When pressed, he admitted naming alien races was not his forte and, as evidence, offered up “the Furlings”. I have to admit that whenever I heard the name, I always imagined a cosmic version of the Care Bears, giggling and snuggling their way through various adventures. As evidently, did everyone else on the production. The fans, however, were all sorts of curious and nary a week would go by without a fan posting a message board request for a glimpse of the elusive beings. Time wore on and those requests continued so, at one point, Brad suggested an episode in which we actually did get to meet them: a race of gaunt, towering, hairless, grey-skinned creatures. But that idea was quashed and the production went on its merry way, choosing to keep the race a mystery. But with 200 came the opportunity to honor those fan requests, and the viewers at home finally got to see those lovable furry creatures who turned out to be a cross between an ewok and a deranged koala.

And then SG-1 went and got their planet blown up.

Of course, we quickly reveal that the incident never actually happened and it was part of a pitch for a revival of the defunct Wormhole X-Treme t.v. series, a show that lasted an inglorious three episodes before being cancelled. But thanks to an impressive second life on dvd (following in the footsteps of Family Guy and Futurama) the show is being revived – and General O’Neill, in a desire to maintain a cover of plausible deniability for the Stargate program (and, let’s face it, screw with his old teammates) charges SG-1 with the task of creatively contributing to the production.

MITCHELL TAKES ON THE LIVING DEAD!

Every once in a while, actor Ben Browder would drop by the offices to pitch out an action sequence for his character – so I thought it appropriate that, given the opportunity, his character would pitch out an action sequence for – uh – his character. And, really, nothing says action like zombie hordes. Just ask fans of The Walking Dead. This sequence also allowed us the rare opportunity of witnessing Walter/Norman getting his head eaten. Double bonus!

Mitchell’s idea is shot down and Martin gets on the phone with a representative of the studio. He is clearly frustrated and Mitchell asks: “Studio executives, huh?” Martin responds: “What? Oh, no Charlie? He’s a great guy. He’s the only one I trust.” This was a reference to longtime MGM President of Television and Stargate supporter Charles Cohen, one of the smartest, kindest studios executives I’ve ever had the pleasure to work with. As much as he was a fan of the show, we at the production were fans of Charlie.

Martin is outraged because they lost their lead. How, he wonders, can they do the show without their lead. “You just bring in a character to replace him,”suggests Mitchell – an obvious reference to the introduction of Cam Mitchell which followed soon after the departure of longtime SG-1 lead Jack O’Neill. Carter then throws out some alternate ideas for keeping the lead alive: “Well, you could have the other characters refer to him all the time. Maybe, get him on the phone once in a while.” Yep. Been there; done that during SG-1’s seventh and eighth seasons. And then, someone references that time O’Neill was invisible…

THE ADVENTURES OF INVISIBLE O’NEILL!

The idea of doing an Invisible O’Neill segment was actually a joke I threw out…That ended up making the script. That happened a lot in this episode. As with all the segments, we went off and wrote them individually, and then everyone weighed in and they were tweaked. I always found the scene of O’Neill spying on Carter in the shower a tad creepy.

Anyway, the Invisible O’Neill idea was embraced because we wanted Richard Dean Anderson to come back and do a cameo on this all-important episode, but didn’t know if he’d be able to work in an appearance. So, we figured we’d get the next best thing: his voice. As it turned out, he was able to swing the appearance, making 200 all that more special.

THE GETAWAY

Martin then pitches out a tale of high adventure, placing our heroes (SG-1) in an impossible position – and then simply cutting to them escaping through the gate. This was a tip of the hat to the many fans outraged by a similar scenario in a past episode (don’t remember the name) in which our heroes (SG-1) are surrounded by Lucian Alliance soldiers only to effect some miraculous unseen escape. During the ensuing argument over the merits of the pitch, Martin attempts to come up with a reasonable window of time for the team to reach the gate and dial. Ten seconds is too short and thirty seconds is too round a number. He decides on 38! Which, coincidentally, is the same number (of minutes) a stargate can stay open.

Timing is, of course, everything, and nothing says action like a ticking clock. Which prompts the following gem from Martin: “Trust me, jeopardy plus ticking clock is box office. It’s the E equals M C squared of the entertainment world. Ask any executive.” Indeed. If there were two notes we received more than any other during Stargate’s long run, they were: “More jeopardy!” and “We need a ticking clock!”. Having a character race a timer to defuse a bomb? Didn’t get much better than that.

THEY’RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD!

Next to The Simpsons, The Wizard of Oz was probably the most referenced piece of pop culture over SG-1’s decade-long run. The fans certainly took notice and resulted in one particularly memorable piece of artwork being sent to studio depicting the original team as the cinematic classic’s adventurous foursome. So, I suppose, it made perfect sense to reference the constant references by including a little Wizard of Oz sequence in the episode as well.

Mitchell’s line: “Now, how can something work perfectly fine for ten years, then all of a sudden, it doesn’t work anymore?” was an in-story reference to the gate suddenly stopping operations – and, in hindsight, could have been interpreted as a comment on the the show’s cancellation.

DESTROYING STARGATE COMMAND

This also episode gave us the opportunity to do something we’ve always wanted to do: blow up Stargate Command. It’s part of the story Martin Lloyd pitches the team. Mitchell, however, points out a potential problem. They’re alive in the next scene. How is that possible. To which Martin replies: ” I’m thinking I can back-sell it and say you were beamed out at the last second.” Teal’c’s rejoinder neatly sums up the feelings of many on the production: “Is that not too convenient?”. Yep, nobody hated the Earth ship beaming technology more than I did – with possible exception of actor Ben Browder. In the original version of this scene, the fun we poked at ourselves was a little more pointed:

DANIEL: Beamed out.
MARTIN: By the Prometheus.
TEAL’C: Convenient.
MARTIN: True. But c’mon, you got Asgard technology, why not use it? As long as it doesn’t become a crutch.
DANIEL: Small problem. The Prometheus was destroyed.
MARTIN: Really? By who?
MITCHELL: Kind of a long story.
MARTIN: In battle?
MITCHELL: Yes.
MARTIN: Wow. So how’d you get out of that one?
Beat.
DANIEL: We, uh… we were beamed out.

Soon after, Martin fields yet another call, this one from the network. “So, trouble with Nora”assumes Mitchell, to which Martin replies: “No, Nora—she’s great.” A shout-out to the late Nora O’Brien who was our network point-person for many years before she moved on to another position with NBC. A sharp executive and just a lovely woman.

SG-1 DOES STAR TREK

We all grew up with the original Star Trek (except Rob Cooper who preferred The Six Million Dollar Man) so we (and by we I mean Brad) couldn’t resist the opportunity to do an SG-1 version of the television’s most famous SF series. Paul McGillion was originally supposed to do the one-line cameo of the ship’s beleaguered Scottish engineer, but when that fell through, series co-creator and Executive Producer (not to mention former stage actor) Brad Wright stepped into those shiny black boots.

THE YOUNGER, EDGIER TEAM

Look closely and you can catch the late Cory Monteith as one of the young and edgy team-members. “Young” and “edgy” were buzzwords we kept on hearing a lot of (and continue to hear a lot of in the business), so Rob Cooper served up his version of what a younger, edgier Stargate would look like complete with stylized shots and dreamy cast members.

Vala continues to pitch out ideas, offering up an SF version of Gilligan’s Island (“We were in a cloaked cargo ship on a simple, three-hour reconnaissance mission…”) that was one of the scenes we lost for time at the script stage…

VALA (VO): We were in a cloaked cargo ship, on a simple three hour reconnaissance mission…
TILT DOWN to reveal a planet.
VALA (V)): But on the way we encountered a severe electromagnetic storm and lost all power. We were forced down on an uncharted, deserted planet…
EXT. TROPICAL ISLAND — DAY
We see the cargo ship washed ashore on this deserted island, looking very much like the damaged S.S. Minnow.
VALA (VO): We washed ashore and were forced to survive for weeks in the most primitive of conditions. No phone, no lights, no motor cars. Not a single luxury.
EXT. ISLAND — DAY
Landry comes out of a hut, dressed like the Skipper.
VALA (V): General Landry was with us on the mission, and let me tell you, he was in a foul mood.
LANDRY: Mitchell!
Mitchell runs out, dressed like Gilligan.
MITCHELL: Yes, sir.
LANDRY: Where’s Carter? She was supposed to be done by now.
MITCHELL: Oh, uh…(looks around) She’s not here.
Landry whacks him with his cap.
LANDRY: I can see that.
DANIEL: Over here…
PAN TO Daniel (as the Professor) and Carter (as Mary Ann) carrying a large device out of another hut. Vala (as Ginger) trails behind them. The device looks like something constructed from bamboo and coconuts.
CARTER (to Landry): I think we may have something, sir.
VALA:Not a moment too soon. I must get out of this place. I have a photo shoot this afternoon.
Landry stares at the device.
LANDRY: What is this thing?
CARTER:Well, I managed to construct a basic subspace transmitter out of coconuts, bamboo and our old subspace transmitter.
DANIEL: A long shot, but it just might get us off this island.
MITCHELL: That’s great!
Mitchell eagerly moves in for a closer look, but trips,
falls and smashes the damn thing.Before Landry can whack him with his cap again —
TEAL’C emerges from the trees, dressed like Mr. Howell.
He casually puffs a pipe.
TEAL’C: Was I not traveling with a companion? A female by the name of… Lovey?
MARTIN: Alright, enough already.

FARGATE

I had really enjoyed Farscape and, with both Ben Browder and Claudia Black on the show, I couldn’t resist the opportunity to do a little tribute, SG-1 style. Originally, Ben was supposed to play the part of Crichton and Michael the part of Stark, but they suggested it might be more fun to switch up the roles.

SG-1 SUPERMARIONATION!

Brad Wright, Robert Cooper, Paul Mullie and Carl Binder are huge fans of Team America: World Police, so I suppose it should come as no surprise that they jumped at the chance to do their own, SG-1 version. As it turned out, years ago Paul and I had worked with The Chiodo Bros. who had created the puppets and effects for Team America (as well as work on a Davey and Goliath claymation parody for The Simpsons and the Willice and Crimbles parody segment on The Simpsons). We called them up and they ended up delivering kick-ass puppet versions of our team – and supporting players. So, okay. Fess up. Which one of you fans is now the proud owner of one of these?

In the writer’s draft of the script, yet another idea is pitched out…

MITCHELL: Death is always dramatic.
CUT TO:
INT. INFIRMARY — DAY
Daniel lies on the bed. Carter, Mitchell, Vala and Landry stand around him. Vala reaches out and touches his hand –
VALA: Goodbye, Daniel.
The heart monitor FLATLINES. The rest of the group can barely control their emotions.
Suddenly, a bright GLOW starts to emanate from under the sheets on the bed. Slowly, Daniel’s body TRANSFORMS into a glowing ribbon being like in Meridian. As it rises above the bed, the sheets collapse.
Amazement plays on the faces of everyone in the room. The glowing being hovers high above them for a moment then –
MARTIN: No, no, no.
BACK TO:
INT. BRIEFING ROOM — DAY
Martin shakes his head.
MARTIN: We did that twice in the series.
DANIEL: You only made three episodes.
How many times did we kill off Daniel again?

Whenever we offed guest stars, we would invariably send them off with the heartening: “This is science fiction. Nobody ever dies in science fiction!” And, many times on Stargate, that was proven true.

Then, someone pitches out the fishing segment. Martin’s response: “And what’s the twist…no fish?” is, of course, a reference to the twist at the end of Moebius I and II.

THE WEDDING

How couldn’t we? There was something there for the shippers – and something there for the slashers as well when O’Neill, waiting for Carter, turns to Daniel who utters the memorable: “You know, if she doesn’t show, people are gonna think that you and I –“. My favorite part of this segment is Jack referring to Carter as, well, Carter. Not Sam or Samantha but Carter. I guess old habits die hard.

Martin’s response to the pitch ” Yeah, right, if I want to torture the audience on purpose!” echoes a quote from a fan letter we received that was critical of the ship. A classic line.

The episode ends with a bunch of interviews teeming with inside jokes.

I mean, I know we did 10 years but, dammit, we were still on a roll!

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