Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 269

June 29, 2018: My Top 10 Socks!

Akemi complains I have too many socks. “He has over a hundred pairs!”she’ll tell anyone who will listen. I mean, I know I have a varied collection, but nowhere near 100. “Over one hundred!”she insists. So I checked and counted a modest 84 pairs.

Anyway, while going through my varied collection, I decided now would be a great time to list my top 10 pending the arrival of these bad boys…

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Anyway, coming up with a Top 10 was hard enough, but ranking them was nigh impossible. Still, that’s what the owners of this blog pay me the big bucks for. So without further ado…

Here are the runners-up that didn’t make the cut. All great socks, but it was a tough competition –

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From left to right: Milk & Cookies, Robots, Cool Giraffes, Space Invaders, Marvel Heroes, Sushi, and Puffins.

Now, onto the Top 10!

#10 – Richie Rich

#9 – Death and Roses

#8 – Le Petit Prince

#7 – Koalas

#6 – Ninja Pandas

#5 – Dogs Riding Bicycles

#4 – Yetis

#3 – Eggs

#2 – Cow

#1 – Ninja Cats

Agree? Disagree? Feel free to debate in the comments section.

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Published on June 29, 2018 18:17

June 28, 2018: The Lifely Updates!

While walking by a bar called Mr. C…

Me: Hey, just like Richie’s dad. Mr. Cunningham.

Akemi: Who?

Me: You know? Happy Days?

Akemi: What?

Me: Fonzie? Arthur Fonzarelli?

Akemi: Are you talking English?

THINGS I ACCOMPLISHED YESTERDAY

1 – Arranged furniture delivery

2 – Helped Akemi assemble bar cart

3 – Contacted plumber to come in and fix toilet

4 – Ordered new toilet lid

5 – Broke toilet

Not necessarily in that order.

Today we received the actual bar we purchased at CB2. It came in roughly a dozen pieces and was accompanied by a set of cryptic instructions. It, was I mentioned earlier this morning, kind of like that movie National Treasure. But not as fun…

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I just took one look and was like “Nope”. If not for Akemi’s genuine enthusiasm and perseverance, I would have had the whole thing shipped back and requested a refund.

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Between it and the bar cart, I have room for all my scotches, and Japanese, Irish, Canadian, and international whiskeys. But where the hell am I going to put my bourbon?

As for the dogs, Lulu seems to be adjusting well to the new place. Suji, on the other hand, is all –

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Meanwhile, amidst the chaos of the move, some interesting opportunities have arisen. Meeting tomorrow with a terrific creator/director followed by some intense weekend research and, finally, a decision deadline next week. THIS…will be different!

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Published on June 28, 2018 15:58

June 27, 2018: The Lifely Updates!

While walking by a bar called Mr. C…

Me: Hey, just like Richie’s dad. Mr. Cunningham.

Akemi: Who?

Me: You know? Happy Days?

Akemi: What?

Me: Fonzie? Arthur Fonzarelli?

Akemi: Are you talking English?

THINGS I ACCOMPLISHED YESTERDAY

1 – Arranged furniture delivery

2 – Helped Akemi assemble bar cart

3 – Contacted plumber to come in and fix toilet

4 – Ordered new toilet lid

5 – Broke toilet

Not necessarily in that order.

Today we received the actual bar we purchased at CB2. It came in roughly a dozen pieces and was accompanied by a set of cryptic instructions. It, was I mentioned earlier this morning, kind of like that movie National Treasure. But not as fun…

[image error] [image error] [image error]

I just took one look and was like “Nope”. If not for Akemi’s genuine enthusiasm and perseverance, I would have had the whole thing shipped back and requested a refund.

[image error]

Between it and the bar cart, I have room for all my scotches, and Japanese, Irish, Canadian, and international whiskeys. But where the hell am I going to put my bourbon?

As for the dogs, Lulu seems to be adjusting well to the new place. Suji, on the other hand, is all –

[image error]

Meanwhile, amidst the chaos of the move, some interesting opportunities have arisen. Meeting tomorrow with a terrific creator/director followed by some intense weekend research and, finally, a decision deadline next week. THIS…will be different!

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Published on June 28, 2018 15:58

June 27, 2018: Week’s Best Comic Book Covers!

These were my favorites…

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Astro City #52 (cover art by Alex Ross)

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Black Panther #2 (cover art by Daniel Acuna)

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Harrow County #32 (cover art by Tyler Crook)

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Hunt For Wolverine: Mystery In Mandripoor #2 (cover art by Greg Land)

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Man of Steel #5 (cover art by Joe Prado, Ivan Reis, Alex Sinclair)

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Mother Panic: Gotham A.D. #4 (cover art by Tommy Lee Edwards)

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Multiple Man #1 (cover art by Marcos Martin)

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Quantum and Woody! #7 (cover art by Ariel Olivetti)

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Sex Criminals #25 (cover art by Chip Zdarsky)

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Star Wars: Doctor Aphra #21 (cover art by Ashley Winter)

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Thanos Wins (cover art by Geoff Shaw)

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The Complete Killer (cover art by Luc Jacamon)

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The Realm #7 (cover art by Nick Filardi, Jeremy Haun, Baldemar Rivas)

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The Wicked + The Divine #37 (cover art by Erica Henderson, Jamie McKelvie, Matthew Wilson)

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Venom #3 (cover art by Ryan Stegman)

So, which were your favorites?

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Published on June 27, 2018 15:03

June 26, 2018: 13 of the Most Insidiously Evil Organizations!

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A.I.M. (Advanced Idea Mechanics)

What’s Their Deal?

An off-shoot of Hydra, they’re a terrorist organization run by science-minded nerds unfettered by things like morals, ethics, and laws.

How Low Can They Go?

Their distinct yellow uniforms ensures they are constantly being mistaken for rogue beekeepers. Also, in addition to creating the reality-altering cosmic cube, they also created M.O.D.O.K., a living computer with a giant head and tiny baby feet.

Shocking Twist!

Big Head Baby Feet? He’s their leader now.

***

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Cobra

What’s Their Deal?

World domination and international arms dealing under the direction of the aptly named Cobra Commander.

How Low Can They Go?

Released ultrasonic waves from their underwater base in the Gulf of Mexico, devastating the surrounding marine life. Also, once held a telethon (the equally aptly named Cobrathon) to raise money from fellow criminals so they could target and destroy law enforcement computers.

Shocking Twist!

Cobra Commander kills his own son, Billy, with a poison dart, then hoists his corpse up a flagpole for the Joes to find.

***

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The Hand

What’s Their Deal?

Black magic-wielding ninja operatives who serve a demon called the Beast.

How Low Can They Go?

Stole Elektra’s corpse in an attempt to resurrect her and turn her to their cause.

Shocking Twist!

Daredevil accepts their offer and becomes their leader.

***

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H.A.M.M.E.R.

What’s Their Deal?

Created by noted philanthropist Norman Osborn as a substitute for S.H.I.E.L.D. during the post-Skrull Invasion, this government-sanctioned organization abused its authority, using the superpowered Dark Avengers as muscle.

How Low Can They Go?

Lead an unsanctioned attack on Asgard after framing Volstagg for a civilian massacre engineered by Osborn himself.

Shocking Twist!

Osborn has Bullseye kill Sentry’s wife because he considers her a source of weakness. Bullseye accomplishes this task by choking her and then tossing her out of a helicopter.

***

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H.I.V.E.

What’s Their Deal?

The Hierarchy of International Vengeance and Extermination. That about sums it up.

How Low Can They Go?

The organization’s leader, HIVE Master, was murdered by his wife, HIVE Mistress, who took over and then, when facing defeat at the hands of The Teen Titans, killed herself and a bunch of scientists in their undersea headquarters. What a sore loser.

Shocking Twist!

Deathstroke, under contract to H.I.V.E., uses Terra to infiltrate The Teen Titans!

***

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Hydra

What’s Their Deal?

They’re a terrorist organization with roots in the Axis Powers of World War II.

Hail, HYDRA! Immortal HYDRA! We shall never be destroyed! Cut off a limb, and two more shall take its place! We serve none but the Master—as the world shall soon serve us! Hail HYDRA! – Hydra oath

How Low Can They Go?

Killed Wolverine, resurrected him with the help of The Hand, then sicced him on his former friends.

Shocking Twist!

One of its longtime leaders, Madame Hydra, was really…a sleeper agent working for Hydra’s ancient enemy Leviathan! Another one of its other leaders, Kraken, was really…Nick Fury’s younger angrier bother Jake! Also, a number of its members were…skrulls! And one of its most infamous deep undercover agents was none other than…Captain America! But then he wasn’t.

***

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Intergang

What’s Their Deal?

Metropolis-based crime syndicate outfitted with advanced tech and weaponry courtesy of Darkseid.

How Low Can They Go?

Leader Bruno Manheim punished those who refuse to join Intergang by eating them.

Shocking Twist!

Boss Moxie has his neck snapped by Superboy-Prime. Yep, that was him.

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League of Assassins

What’s Their Deal?

Aka The Society of Assassins, aka The League of Shadows, aka The Society of Shadows. An international cult-like guild of trained killers led by Ra’s al Ghul.

How Low Can They Go?

Wiped out an entire pod of sperm whales in order to harvest their wombs so that Ra’s al Ghul could use them to grow a cadre of genetically-altered assassins.

Shocking Twist!

Batgirl is killed by the fearsome Mad Dog, then resurrected in a Lazarus Pit by Lady Shiva.

***

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LEXCORP

What’s Their Deal?

With its headquarters in beautiful LexCorp Tower located in bustling Metropolis, this mega-corp is owned and operated by Lex Luthor. Its front as a legitimate ruthless business operation belies its true nature as a ruthless criminal operation.

How Low Can They Go?

Its employment charter specifically prohibited LexCorp employees from rendering Superman any manner of assistance.

Shocking Twist!

Company CEO and grandstanding business magnate Lex Luthor becomes President of the United States – only to be forced out for abuse of power after three years in office. He goes bankrupt, and see LexCorp’s assets sold to the Wayne Foundation.

***

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OSCORP

What’s Their Deal?

Formerly known as Osborn Industries, it is a megacorporation, specializing in defense weaponry, under the direction of CEO Norman Osborn.

How Low Can They Go?

Norman gained control of the company, and the goblin formula, by ensuring his business partner, Mendel Stromm, was locked up for embezzlement. Yes, he was technically guilty but, in all fairness, his strength was chemicals and robots, not accounting.

Shocking Twist!

Allan Chemicals merged with Oscorp, giving rise to the Alchemax Corporation. Its CEO, Liz Parker, hires a man named Mason Banks who, it turns out, is actually Norman Osborn in disguise. It turns out he has secretly orchestrated the takeover.

***

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Roxxon

What’s Their Deal?

Roxxon Energy Corporation (formerly Roxxon Oil Company) seeks world domination through a world-wide energy monopoly.

How Low Can They Go?

Arranged the deaths of Tony Stark’s parents, Howard and Maria Stark. Also, after microwave radiation from their satellite Star Well 1 killed over 200 inhabitants of Allantown, Iowa, Roxxon covered their asses by passing the incident off as an Anthrax scare – then hosted a celebrity golf tournament for the town’s survivors.

Shocking Twist!

Jonas Hale, Executive VP and Head of Research, is named after the actor who played the Skipper on Gilligan’s island!

***

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Sinestro Corps

What’s Their Deal?

They’re the anti-Green Lantern Corps, made up of Qwardian Yellow Power ring-wielding members committed to the propagation of fear.

How Low Can They Go?

The Corps’ surprise assault on Earth and their massacre of a multitude of Green Lanterns evidenced, not by witnessing the killings, but the sight of innumerable Lantern rings flying through space in search of new and worthy bearers.

Shocking Twist!

Sinestros’ ringer revealed at the end of Sinestro Corps War Special #1 = none other than the Anti-Monitor.

***

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SYFY

What’s Their Deal?

Basic cable and satellite channel featuring fantasy, horror, supernatural, paranormal, drama, and reality programming. Occasionally, science fiction.

How Low Can They Go?

Proclaimed their commitment to science fiction and fandom, even went so far as to adopt a new catchphrase #ItsAFanThing, then canceled sci-fi fan favorites Dark Matter and The Expanse.

Shocking Twist!

That guy making the programming decisions? He’s really just a monkey picking random chits out of a top hat.

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Published on June 26, 2018 13:28

June 25, 2018: Dark Matter Virtual Season 4 – Episode 4.02, Act 5!

Previously on Dark Matter…

Link to Episode 4.01

Link to Episode 4.02 – Act 1

Link to Episode 4.02 – Act 2

Link to Episode 4.02 – Act 3

Link to Episode 4.02 – Act 4

And our story continues…

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Next on Dark Matter Virtual Season 4 – Episode 4.02: The alien invasion escalates, FIVE reaches out to her sister Carina, FOUR’s return is bittersweet, and a shocking betrayal stuns the crew of The Raza.

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Published on June 25, 2018 15:28