O.M. Grey's Blog, page 14

Please Send Love

Yesterday, Ethan fell from 30ft into his head while working on a roof. He’s stable and in ICU. He’s cracked his skull in a few places and has a broken pelvis, too. No neck or back injury. He’s having surgery in the morning for his 4 pelvis fractures. He’s been stable for 10 hours as of now, and they tell me the longer he’s stable, the more likely he’ll remain so. We’ve got 14 hours to go before we can breathe a little easier.

He will have to be virtually immobile for 2 months or recovery. I haven’t even begun to think about the cost. No insurance. No income either now

None of that matters yet. The only thing that matters is that he lives. Just please let him live.

Please send him your thoughts, prayers, healing energy, whatever it is you send out. Send love.

Love to you all,

Christine/Olivia

Filed under: Lost in the Aether, Romance & Relationships

Reminder of Comment Policy

I wrote this about 14 months ago. I see that I have to repost it now: Intolerant of Intolerance.

This is my place. Mine. Be nice or fuck off.

If you are disrespectful or a troll, I will delete your comment.

Most people who comment are AWESOME! They’re either adding to the conversation or asking really great, challenging questions. They’re supporting my work by offering words of encouragement or praise, and I love you all for it. There are days when a comment or an email from a reader is what keeps me going, as I don’t get paid to write all these posts or record the podcasts. So it’s very validating to connect with readers on a personal level because they’re living an alternative lifestyle are curious to learn more about it…or perhaps they’re suffering abuse or heartbreak, and it’s just nice not to feel alone. Regardless of the reason…PLEASE!!! Keep commenting!

I truly love it!

However…

Very, very rarely, I’ll get a troll-like comment by someone who was offended by something I said or misunderstood something I wrote or just is intolerant of any idea outside of their own.

I’m not a fan of intolerance, really. Not even a little bit. It’s hatred. It’s judgement. It’s bullshit, and I really just don’t have time for it or for those who are being intolerant.

You might say I have an intolerance for intolerance.

Ironic, I know. But there it is.

If you’re respectful and kind, even if you disagree, we can have a lovely discussion. If you don’t like what you read here and it makes you so very angry that you can’t help but be aggressive and rude, then, guess what, DON’T FUCKING READ IT!

And never, ever, tell me to take my own writing off my site. Fuck you. Again.

Cowards who hide behind internet monikers and sling mud can really fuck off, as can misogynists.

Play nice.

If you judge me or my lifestyle…

If you attack me and insult me…

If you come to my place and display your assholery…

I’ll delete you.

So, play nice. Because, yes, life is too short to deal with assholes, and I really have so many better things to do than to argue with the ignorant or the arrogant.

This is a place of safety, of understanding, of honesty, and of open-minded love.

Please treat it as such.

-_Q

* re: “Cowards” – I’m using this word coward to describe emotional cowardice. Everyone has fears, and a person’s fears are very important to them and should be to their SO. We all struggle with fears and ways to minimize or overcome them. So being afraid of something does not make one a coward. Sharing fears with a SO/spouse certainly does not make one a coward. A coward is someone who allows said fears to completely dominate their behavior and choices, hurting themselves and everyone around them. When a fear of intimacy or engulfment translates into using people for sex or leading them on emotionally and then casting them aside because one cannot handle deepening emotions or true intimacy, that’s cowardice. When someone is so afraid of losing their family/spouse/SO but don’t have enough courage respect for said person to talk with them before stepping out and fucking other people behind their back, that’s cowardice. When someone is utterly miserable in a relationship and turns to alcohol or drugs to cope instead of communication and counseling, who doesn’t have the courage or respect to either discuss how things could be better or end the relationship so that both parties can move on and possibly find happiness, that’s cowardice. I hope these three examples clear up what I mean when I use the word “coward.”

Filed under: Lost in the Aether Tagged: fuck off asshats, fuck off cowards, fuck off misogynists, fuck off rape apologists, not taking bullshit from trolls, o.m. grey, olivia grey, righteous bitch

“Nice Guys” and the Infamous Friend Zone

A dear friend sent me the link to this article the other day, and I just had to share it. I’ve put some excerpts here, but please go to Kelsey’s blog and read the entire thing. It is so worth the read. Any emphasis below is mine.

Peace

-_Q

In the interest of bringing everyone up to speed (since most of the people who read The Independent Review are here for the books, and not the feminism), the friend zone is an invisible place that exists only in the minds of men who don’t know how to move on after they’ve expressed interest in women, and have been turned down. They’ve been banished to a barren wasteland where they’re doomed never to have sex with the women they’ve lusted over for weeks, months, even years. And they are angry. They feel slighted. They missed the train to the holy land, the Bone Zone, and are now the one-man population of a lonely little western town named Sexual Frustration, where the local walk is the blue balls shuffle.

The friend zone exists almost exclusively in the minds of “Nice Guys.” I’m sure you’ve heard of them. They’ve coined and popularized the phrase “nice guys finish last,” sometimes with the pathetic addition of “so their women can finish first.” Nice Guys are positively despondent, having spent their whole lives watching the women around them fall into the arms of “assholes,” “jerks,” and “douchebags.” Sound familiar? If you’re still fuzzy, here’s their collective favourite assertion:

“I’m the guy who you’ll complain about your boyfriend to, but never the one you’ll date. I’m such a nice guy, but all the girls I’ve ever liked have put me in the friend zone, and then come crying to me when they date douche bags.”

I can guarantee you that everyone knows, or at one point has known, a guy like this. He proclaims to anyone who will listen that he’s just a genuinely good guy, and doesn’t understand why the world has chosen to take a big, heaping, diarrhetic shit on his head. All he wants is to get to the Bone Zone. Is that too much to ask, for just one girl not to think he’s “too nice” to sleep with?

The Nice Guy, you see, is put upon by the world.

The myth that Nice Guys perpetuate among themselves is that they are, in fact, “too nice” for girls to take them seriously. Pretty soon, every nice guy starts to ask his friends, “Should I just start practicing my asshole routine? Will that get this fucking slut’s attention?”

See, the Nice Guys aren’t so nice any more — but, the reality is, they never really were. The Nice Guy is, at his very core, a petulant, entitled little baby, who doesn’t like to be told no. He has been led to believe that he is entitled to a woman’s attention. Entitled, just by being alive, and by being “nice.” If he shows her how “nice” he is, by being her friend for a while, by letting her cry on his shoulder, she will in turn see how dateable he is.

When she doesn’t, the Nice Guy is shattered. He did everything right — he was a friend, he was nice! Why wasn’t that enough? A lady’s gentleman friends should naturally be upgraded to a relationship status. Why has he been unceremoniously dumped into the friend zone? The friend zone isn’t where he wants to be — he never wanted to be a friend, he just wanted to have sex. The Nice Guy doesn’t think a woman’s friendship is worth having…

…

So, do you identify as a “Nice Guy?” Do you feel like you are unable to score a ticket on the train to the Bone Zone? Do you find yourself watching girls ride off into the sunset with Prince Douchebag McJerk? Do you hear the world’s tiniest violin playing for you? Lucky for you, I have some advice.

If you want to see results with the ladies, it’s time for a major personality overhaul. In order to truthfully call yourself a nice guy, and not a “Nice Guy,” you have to earn that right. Don’t just tell people you’re nice — prove it. Start by acknowledging that you were not born with the god-given right to a woman’s attention, and really internalize that. Someone’s attention — be it male or female — is another thing you have to earn, because you are not the Queen of England, or George Clooney.

Stop treating a friendship with a woman as a way to eventually enter a sexual relationship with that woman. Be a good friend, a true friend, who is legitimately there for her without an agenda. Don’t be opportunistic with your friendship, and  don’t treat it as disposable if or when she does not express romantic interest in you. When you’re rejected, understand that it’s not because you’re “too nice,” or because she’s a “shallow bitch.” Sometimes things just don’t work out.

And, for God’s sake, have a real personality that can be described without using the word “nice.” Have hobbies and interests and a job you care about, take pride in yourself. One of the best things David Wong writes in the article I linked to earlier is that being “nice” simply isn’t enough:

[Women] won’t put it as bluntly as [Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross] does — society has trained us not to be this honest with people — but the equation is the same. “Nice guy? Who gives a shit? If you want to work here, close.”

Women don’t care if you’re nice (well, they care, but not that much). There’s a guy down the street from the woman you like who’s just as nice, and he doesn’t whine all the time. She works with a guy who’s nice and, get this, funny, and who loves dogs, to boot. At the laundromat she runs into a nice guy who’s an avid jogger, takes his mom to brunch on Sundays, and has travelled across Europe and Asia. Expecting “niceness” to set you apart will never work, because it’s the lowest rung on the ladder of dateability.

Be a real person — stop hiding behind the term “nice guy.” It’s a flimsy facade to mask your outdated and frankly dangerous misogynistic attitude. Accept responsibility for your life, your biases, and your problems, and drop the put-upon act. Whiners are weiners. And so are “Nice Guys.”

- Kelsey

-_Q

Please read this incredible article in its entirety. It is well worth it. Leave a comment for Kelsey supporting her clear, much-needed voice on this matter.

I’ve learned some harsh lessons over the past few years, as you well know readers. One of the main ones is not to believe who people tell you they are. Whatever they say they are, they are usually the exact opposite, like these guys claiming to be “nice.” It’s much more reliable when people show you who they are, over a long time period. Like, a year. Not three months, no, around that time, if you spend enough time with them, the cracks begin to show. After six, patterns begin to emerge. After a year, you will have a pretty decent indication of who they really are.

Maybe. That’s if you spend a great deal of time with them over that year and have at least of level of intimacy and communication beyond casual friends. Close friends, at least.

If you just see them at potlucks and dances and the like, you don’t know them. Not at all.

Don’t fool yourself.

(Another great read:  6 Harsh Truths that Will Make You a Better Person)

Filed under: Romance & Relationships Tagged: author, bone zone, exploitation, friend zone, kelsey rolfe, love, nice guys, o.m. grey, olivia grey, relationship advice, relationships, romance, sex, sexual abuse, sexual coercion, sexual exploitation, sexuality

Steampunk Spotlight: Avalon Revitalized!

If you’ve been following my blog or my work, you have no doubt heard about my premiere novel Avalon Revisited. It was released in 2010 and promptly became an Amazon Gothic Romance bestseller! This was the novel that attracted Louise Fury, a fabulous NY agent, to me, as she fell in love with the book.

We were both disappointed when several editors in NY Big Publishing LOVED IT, but ultimately passed because of the unconventional first person male POV in a romance novel. They felt in such a unstable market, they couldn’t take the chance.

Now, however, with the popularity of 50 Shades of Grey, ol’ Arthur and Avalon will get a second wind in 2013! Avalon Revisited is being re-released through Riverdale Ave Books today! Initially as an eBook (Smashwords, Kindle, All Romance eBooks, etc.), but soon in paperback as well. And just maybe, before long, in a proper audio book, too!

I’m thrilled about this because it will reach a whole new audience, breathing new life into this dark, erotic romance, allowing more to enjoy the cheekiness of Arthur Tudor and the mystery abound in Victorian London.

I’ve been working on a sequel, of sorts, for Avalon Revisited as well. It will be even darker and edgier than the first, and it will work as a stand-alone book. Follow the word count meter in the right panel to watch me progress. My goal for the first draft is January 31, 2013.

It’s called Avalon Revamped, and you can get a SNEAK PEAK of it when you buy the re-released Avalon Revisited from Riverdale Ave Books, which also includes 20K more words than the original version released in 2010. Whole lots of reasons to get it and enjoy it again!

Filed under: News & Reviews Tagged: arthur tudor, arthurian legend, author, avalon, avalon revisited, bdsm, book, louise fury, o.m. grey, olivia grey, paranormal romance, riverdale ave books, romance, sex, steampunk, vampires, victorian

“Rape is as American as Apple Pie”

Excellent article at The Nation by Jessica Valenti. Copied here, but it’s worth going there and reading the comments. I’m always amazed at how deeply ingrained rape culture actually is. It is a cultural issue. It is up to us, every one of us, to make the rapists and perpetrators of sexual assault accountable, SOCIALLY ACCOUNTABLE, for their crimes. Until the law catches up, we must turn the shame onto the rapists and abusers where it belongs.

The same week that a leaked video out of Steubenville, Ohio showed high school boys joking and laughing about an unconscious teenager in the next room who had just been raped—“They raped her quicker than Mike Tyson!”—House Republicans let the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) expire. They opposed an expanded version of the legislation that had increased protections for the LGBT community, immigrants and Native American women.

This week we’ve also seen mass protests in India after a woman was brutally gang raped and died from her injuries. American media covering the Indian protests have repeatedly referenced the sexist culture, reporting how misogyny runs rampant in India. The majority of mainstream coverage of what happened in Steubenville (click here for a primer), however, has made no such connection. In fact, the frequent refrain in discussions of Steubenville in comment threads is that these boys are “sociopaths,” shameful anomalies. We’d rather think of them as monsters than hold ourselves accountable as a nation and tell the truth—these rapists are our sons.

It’s not just the parents of the accused rapists or the boys who made jokes who are complicit—it’s not just Steubenville, a town criticized for putting their prized high school football team above the law and justice for a young woman. Steubenville happens every day in the United States, and we’re all responsible.

We live in a country where politicians call rape a “gift from God” and suggest that women regularly lie about being raped. Where a group of young men in high school think so little of sexual assault that they thought it was fine—hilarious, even—to post pictures online of a passed out rape victim, and to live-tweet the rape, joking about the victim being urinated on. We live in a country where media as revered as The New York Times finds it necessary to describe an 11-year-old gang rape victim as “wearing makeup and fashions more appropriate to a woman in her 20s.” Where a woman can be fired because her boss finds her “irresistable” and a woman’s rape case falls flat because she isn’t married.

It’s time to acknowledge that the rape epidemic in the United States is not just about the crimes themselves, but our own cultural and political willful ignorance. Rape is as American as apple pie—until we own that, nothing will change.

Undocumented women are some of the most vulnerable to sexual violence. Read how the GOP has left these victims with even fewer options. And don’t miss anything from Jessica Valenti, by signing up for The Nation’s weekly Feminist Roundup.

Having done extensive research on sociopaths, narcissists, and psychopaths, they can be both these things AND human beings. They are not monsters in the sense that they can’t help themselves. They are monsters because of their monstrous actions, but they are, indeed, human beings CHOOSING to hurt others. They CHOOSE to laugh about rape while the victim is in the next room, even when she’s not. They CHOOSE to rape in the first place.

And, America, you CHOOSE to blame the victim. You CHOOSE to slut-shame. You CHOOSE to embrace the rapist and make excuses and scream “slander” and “false accusations.”

YOU CHOOSE TO GIVE RAPISTS SOCIAL LICENSE TO CONTINUE RAPING.

Yes, America, you CHOOSE to do that.

That goes for you, too, Austin Poly Community. Fuck you, especially.

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: austin poly rapist, author, community, community responsibility, cultural issue, fear, gang rape, jessica valenti, misogyny, o.m. grey, olivia grey, polyamory, rape, rape apologia, rape apology, rape culture, rape survivor, sex, sexual assault, shattered, steubenville ohio, steubenville rape, the nation, violence against women act

Book Review: The Sail Weaver

Last year, I blogged and podcasted often, usually 3x a week, sometimes more. This year, since I’m writing novels again, there will be far fewer blogs. The most posts in a single week likely won’t be more than two. I will continue podcasting The Zombies of Mesmer and writing articles as it moves me to do so, but there will be one or the other each week, if any. The second post will be a book review. Below is the first of many to come in 2013. I’ve taken the Goodreads Challenge and pledged to read 50 books this year. Since this book was finished at the end of last, it won’t appear on that list.

Additionally, because of my own recovery as well as catching up in writing the novels and short stories, I won’t be traveling much in 2013. I will happily do an event if they bring me in as a guest, of course, but I shan’t be seeking any out.

Enjoy the review!

-_Q

The Sail Weaver is a delightful, magical journey through space with talking dragons and assassination plots. Tristan, the protagonist and head of The Sail Weaver Guild, takes his first cruise out into space to see his sails at work. Woven with magic, these enormous sails enable ships to sail through the winds of space. People called Air Weavers will weave an atmosphere in case of emergency sail failure.

The Guild and Dragon Corps are closely linked and highly support each other, while the Navy is in opposition with them both. It creates a fair amount of great conflict throughout the book. Throw in pirates and vermin, and Tristan is kept very busy just trying to stay alive!

Superbly written with inspired prose and an intricate plot, Muffy Morrigan delivers a magical fantasy full of action, intrigue, and adventure. Thick with descriptions and expert world-building, it will keep you entertained for days.

My favorite quote:

“Leave it to Thom to just walk onboard like he owns the place and blow it up. And after I spent hours of scheming.” The dragon sighed. “Hours and hours of quality scheming gone to waste.”

I LOL’d. Seriously. Very Whedonesque, me thinks. Great stuff!

Get your copy today on Amazon! Paperback or Kindle! Or, if you’re an Amazon Prime member, borrow it for free! (If you’re not, you really should be. Amazing value!)

I give it 5/5 cogs:

Join me on Goodreads!

Filed under: News & Reviews Tagged: author, dragons, fantasy, muffy morrigan, o.m. grey, olivia grey, review, space, the sail weaver, tristan

2012: Year In Review

I got the idea to do a year-in-review from the lovely Magpie Killjoy. You can read his Year In Review here.

In short, I’m really glad 2012 is over. For those of you who read these pages, you will know why, so I won’t mention it again in the review, as I just don’t want to.

Image by Susan Brack

2012

I had the honor of being literary guest at several Steampunk conventions, including HRM Steampunk Symposium, Clockwork Con, Aetherfest, AnachroCon, AnomalyCon, ConJour, The Florida Steampunk Exhibition East, and The Difference Engine.
I got word that my novel Avalon Revisited will get a second wind in 2013, details to follow very soon.
I contributed an article on Polyamory for A Steampunk’s Guide to Sex.
I appeared on the cover of Gearhearts, A Steampunk Glamour Revue, issue #3, which also included my short story “Of Aether and Aeon,” as well as an interview and many other pictures of me on the inside.
I moved to a glorious home overlooking a serene lake in Northern California.
I ran my first 5K and began wearing a size I hadn’t worn since I was 15 years old, making it necessary to buy a new corset.
I went on a blog tour for my books and gave away a Kindle.
I learned to crochet baby Cthulhu’s and Voodoo Dolls.
My short story “Love is for the Living” was accepted for an anthology with Siren’s Call Publications, scheduled for 2013, called Bellows of the Bone Box: A Steampunk Anthology. 
My short story “Dead Mule Crossing” was reprinted in eSteampunk, as well as an interview.
My poem “Look Into My Eyes” was published through SNM Horror Mag.
My poem “New York Rain” won an award for best poetry.
I podcasted the entirely of Avalon Revisited, and started on The Zombies of Mesmer, too.
I won the Steampunk Chronicles Reader’s Choice Awards for best fiction, Avalon Revisited, and best short story “Dust on the Davenport.”
My short story “Final Word,” as well as my poem “New York Rain” was accepted for publication in an upcoming issue of The Rusty Nail.
“New York Rain” is still in the Bar None Group’s Hall of Fame, over a year later.
My alter ego, Christine Rose, also sponsored a blog tour as well as finished the 4th book of Rowan of the Wood: Power of the Zephyr! She podcasts that fiction as well on her blog.
Although I didn’t make it to Europe or the UK this year, I hope that I will next year, or in 2014 at the latest, as well as finish several other novels and a couple of nonfiction books as well. I’m years behind! Time to buckle down and catch up! I’m already 11K into the Avalon Revisited sequel! Watch me write on the word meter in the right sidebar.
Finally, I touched and continue to touch countless people every day through my blog. My posts on survival, rape, abuse, and the like have helped them feel less alone, and their comments help me feel less alone. Look for a book on Responsible Community Response in 2013, I’m determined to teach communities how to respond to sexual assault and rape effectively and compassionately so that no one has to suffer the secondary trauma I, and thousands of other survivors, must every single day.
This blog was viewed 110,000 times in 2012, with 183 new posts. My busiest day was December 9th with 1008 views. Most popular post that day, and a very important one at that: People Who Hide Behind Poly. Overall, my most popular post is PTSD from Emotional Abuse, followed closely by Pathology of the Commitmentphobe. See more in the post right before this one.

So, all in all, even with its challenges and trauma, it was a rather successful year!

Still, so happy it’s over. 2013 is going to be splendid.

See you next year!

Peace.

-_Q

Filed under: Lost in the Aether Tagged: author, avalon, avalon revisited, book, love, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, open, open marriage, paranormal romance, passion, polyamory, rape, rape survivor, relationship advice, relationships, romance, sex, sexual assault

2012 Blog in Review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

19,000 people fit into the new Barclays Center to see Jay-Z perform. This blog was viewed about 110,000 times in 2012. If it were a concert at the Barclays Center, it would take about 6 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Filed under: Lost in the Aether Tagged: author, blogging, o.m. grey, olivia grey

Happy Christmas!

May you all find peace and be surrounded by love this holiday season.

See you next year.

Filed under: Lost in the Aether

The Zombies of Mesmer (Podcast) – Chapter 7

Follow Nicole Knickerbocker Hawthorn (Nickie Nick) as she discovers her destiny as The Protector, a powerful vampire hunter. Ashe, a dark and mysterious stranger, helps Nickie and her friends solve the mystery behind several bizarre disappearances. Suitable for teens, enjoyed by adults, the story is full of interesting steampunk gadgets, mad scientists, bloodthirsty vampires, and mesmerized zombies. This paranormal adventure is sure to appeal to fans of Boneshaker, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and The Vampire Diaries.

The Zombies of Mesmer is a Gothic Young Adult Paranormal Romance novel set in Victorian London.

Appropriate for teens.

The Zombies of Mesmer – Chapter 7.

Download: ZM_Podcast_CH7.mp3

Buy your copy of The Zombies of Mesmer via Amazon or Barnes & Noble in paperback, and it’s also available in digital format exclusively for the Kindle at Amazon.com (Kindle Select – Free for PRIME MEMBERS).

Also available: Author-Signed through the publisher.

-_Q

Fiction Podcast

Including Avalon Revisited, short fiction and poetry, and The Zombies of Mesmer

Subscribe in a reader …. or in iTunes

Filed under: Podcasted Fiction Tagged: audiobook, author, avalon, avalon revisited, bdsm, bdsm erotica, bdsm erotica novel, bondage, boneshaker, book, buffy, buffy the vampire slayer, ecstasy, england, erotic, erotica, hyde park, london, masochism, o.m. grey, olivia grey, paranormal romance, passion, podcast, podiobook, poet, renaissance, sadism, sado-masochism, steampunk, teen, teen romance, vampire diaries, vampires, victorian, zombies, zombies of mesmer