Elise Hepner's Blog, page 9

That Day I Had Stuff To Yap About

Yes, the day has come for an epic update of my world right now since I've been so amiss in writing until my head falls off my neck. First thing's first a BOGO sale for erotic books buy The Big Book of Orgasms and get an erotic title free of charge. Offer is only good from Oct 1st (today) until Oct 2nd (tomorrow) and this book has my awesome short in it. I think there are a few rules in there, feel free to check 'em out:




Second on my agenda: The Big Move! Yes, all is chaos in house Hepner because we were given a month's time to check out because the owner of our house is coming back from foreign parts to live in our rental. Let the terror, nail biting, and Trulia checks commence! The two kitties are very put out by this news and it means a new adventure in our lives, one we didn't ask for, but one that will certainly be interesting.

Of course, being the genius that I am, my alter ego sent out queries to agents for my completed cozy mystery, Dead Lines, while the insane side of me decided to sign up for Harlequin's So You Think You Can Write. Because, yeah, not enough on my plate. Nope. *whistles*. In case you don't believe me, here is my badass entry for their Intrigue line: http://www.soyouthinkyoucanwrite.com/manuscripts-sytycw-2013/a-fight-for-shelter/

Comments are welcome, appreciated, and come with a free hug of choice.

Onward! Last, but not least, A Little Slap And Tickle is due for release soon from Xcite, I know it's been a bit of a wait on my end and yours but the holiday stories were fast approaching, so they were first in line with the editor. So I'm waiting for my edits and hoping to have something out to the world relatively soon. Or before I'm 40. Or possibly dead. Which ever comes first.

Currently my projects are as follows:

Ex-House: Will get a new title, erotic romance complete at 80k in edits now before submission
Unnamed New Adult: 20k into the road trip shenanigans
Furious Temptation (sequel to Furious Lust): At 75k and counting as we wind our way down to an epic ending and possibility a war of some kind. One of the hardest books I've ever written, oy.
Dead Lines:  My cozy mystery on submission with everyone in the world, complete at 96k. No, not exaggerating, it really is with everyone in the world right now.
A Little Slap And Tickle : Contracted and will hopefully see the light of day soon or the inside of an e-book shopping cart.
A Fight for Shelter:  Will be done by Nov 14th. Fin. At roughly 55-60k. We're at 20k now. Never claimed to be sane, I swear.

I think those are all my projects....*googly eyes*....

But wait, there's more! Smooth Seashell Pink is currently eating up the competition over at B&N because my little lesbian mermaid novella is still in below 50,000 in the rankings. If you'd like to pick up a copy it's a novella for only 2.99 full of good sex and readers say nothing but good things!



Thanks for playing along with that epic update and hopefully I'll have more for you soon once I send Ex-House out into the great beyond. As always, I will keep you posted. Over and out. And please hope we find a house by the 31st, I'd rather not be writing on the streets.

Book Sale, Book Sale, Get Your Books!

Hey, ladies and gents, currently I'm running a sale on my new paranormal novella release over at Smashwords, One More Rub , and it's only .99 cents with coupon code: AD38E.   Just type the code into the coupon box before purchase and my cheap novella at 1.99 will become only .99 cents, like magic! It's also available at Amazon and B&N for those with Kindles or Nooks.



Flynn has been cursed for over a century for a social slight he never committed. A voodoo priestess hexed him and forced him into a teapot where he could be summoned by the rub of a woman’s palm. Once free, he grants these women three sexual favors—and cuts off his own emotions in the process. Unable to break free from an invisible cage of lust and sex to fall in love again, he’s resigned to being a sex object and nothing more.

Eliza has been house sitting far, far away from her complicated past in Maine—including her former childhood sweetheart, who wasn’t satisfied when Elena didn’t want to be barefoot and pregnant. She’s resigned to leave behind the complications of men and sex. She hopes logic will win out over her unreliable emotions—but she’s put to the test when she accidentally summons Flynn from his teapot prison.

Now she's stuck with three naughty wishes, a very willing genie, and only so many excuses. Will their burgeoning love be enough to break his spell and break Eliza's losing streak with relationships?

I'm also waiting on edits for A Little Slap and Tickle from Xcite and putting the finishing touches on three novels that are in edits. Turns out it takes me a little while to write long works and these suckers are all 70-90k, which means lots of work for me to make sure they hit publication. So sometime in Fall/Winter 2013 you should be able to buy at least another novel from me, huzzah! Thanks for being so patient as I've been preoccupied with the workaholicness, but it will all pay off soon! Promise. 

I will also be releasing more self-published erotica titles like One More Rub and Smooth Seashell Pink as I finish them so look out for those short stories and novella's in the near future.I'll keep you updated as I have the updates!

Now, onward to more words on my new work in progress and episodes of Season 3 of The Vampire Diaries, my go-to writing fodder. Mmm...Damon.

An Oldie, But A Goodie

Okay, first of all, where in the hell did my summer go and where was I? Wow, that was a blink of time. Guess I spent too much time in front of my blinking cursor to notice Fall's right around the corner, whoops! Oh well, lots of goods news to dole out today!



I've re-released a paranormal erotic romance novella, One More Rub, from a multi-author anthology in 2010 that was taken down a long time ago, the novella used to be in Kissed From Beyond, but I've re-vamped the whole entire story, rewritten it, and given it a new lease on life. Currently, One More Rub is only 1.99 on Amazon and Smashwords and that's a value for fifty-seven pages of scintillating sex! I'll keep you posted on B&N availability as that always takes a little more time. Here's the blurb for your reading pleasure:

Flynn has been cursed for over a century for a social slight he never committed. A voodoo priestess hexed him and forced him into a teapot where he could be summoned by the rub of a woman’s palm. Once free, he grants these women three sexual favors—and cuts off his own emotions in the process. Unable to break free from an invisible cage of lust and sex to fall in love again, he’s resigned to being a sex object and nothing more.

Eliza has been house sitting far, far away from her complicated past in Maine—including her former childhood sweetheart, who wasn’t satisfied when Elena didn’t want to be barefoot and pregnant. She’s resigned to leave behind the complications of men and sex. She hopes logic will win out over her unreliable emotions—but she’s put to the test when she accidentally summons Flynn from his teapot prison.

Now she's stuck with three naughty wishes, a very willing genie, and only so many excuses. Will their burgeoning love be enough to break his spell and break Eliza's losing streak with relationships?

I've also got another novella coming out from Xcite in the near future, a little BDSM ditty in a closed Renaissance Faire that I've been talking about for quite some time...a novella called A Little Slap and Tickle. Anyone remember that one? I recently filled out the cover art form and expect edits in my Inbox in the near future, so except more sexy goodness coming your way! In the meantime, please enjoy One More Rub and thanks for being so patient this summer while I worked my ass off and was all silent on the home front. I swear, it's only to write faster to get you ladies and gents more books to read!

I've also got a little obsession with the Stephanie Plum novels by Janet Evanovich in what little spare time I have left...but that's got nothing to do with this post! *spins off in caffeine circles to get more work done* Later gators!

A Pre-Birthday Present to All of You

I have a special treat for all my wonderful readers who have stuck with me for these past fives years and in honor of my birthday I'm giving away some hot, hot stuff. My new release is a lesbian erotica novella based off The Little Mermaid with contemporary twist AND it's FREE! All free. Free, free, free! So pick up your copy on Smashwords in multiple formats HERE and here's the blurb:



A peaceful lunch at the beach turns into a torrid affair for straight-laced strip club owner, Vivian, when she rescues Drew, a beautiful, dangerous stranger from the surf. Caught in a wave of lust she can't resist, Type A Vivian learns how to let go--but it's that caution that she'll so desperately need if she's to survive in her lover's bed.

Drew emerges from the salty sea with only her body to use for communication--luckily, the otherworldly woman is well versed in body language. No sooner has she upended Vivian's life than she's inserting herself into every aspect of her world. Until seduction becomes the ultimate weapon--and both women are helpless against it.

A contemporary lesbian erotica twist on The Little Mermaid, as both women learn more about each other, complications arise from more than their mutual sexual attraction and they are forced to confront the darkness deep within themselves. 

Victory! Book Accomplished!

I feel like I just stole all the stars up in the sky and swallowed them so that they are shining through my proud, little body! Yesterday I finished up the final words on my mystery series that scared the crap out of me, that I could never write, that was the antithesis of a genre I wasn't comfortable with--but I did it. And I hope I rocked it. So today is all about jotting down all of my edits that need to be made and getting ready to spit polish like a crazy person.

My output hasn't been nearly what I wanted so far this year, because I've been busy with longer projects and longer projects for me take time. A lot of time. Which is incredibly frustrating because I come from a short-short background. One where projects take me at most three weeks. But I'm making it work. So much to juggle, so much to do! But I hope my amazing readers will be happy with what I come up with once everything is settled. Just know I'm working hard for you, I promise!

Winner of Summer Bloghop (About Time, Right?)

So, yeah...I'm a little late on this one. I blame life. And my writing addiction! I have workaholic tendencies and we just got DH through a month period where he had to find a new job before we were screwed because he's getting laid off. But he's a got one, hopefully, that will work out for everyone. But because of that my head has been a little less in the game, apologies my friends, much apologies.

Because I suck I'm giving three people my prizes, instead of one. Bonus round! Thank you so much for all the wonderful participation and a lot of your comments inspired me to look for different vacation spots. Onward!

The winners of two books from my backlist are: Cassie Hoffman, Juli, and VampedChik! I'll be emailed you all shortly and asking for your preferences on books as well as formats. Thanks again everyone.

P.S. I'm on the homestretch for my mystery, only 12k left on this book, rejoice!

Party Time Wayne, Party on Garth!

Hey everyone,

I'm starting off my summer with an awesome trip to Ocean City on Tuesday, free of all technology, work, and with lots of delicious drinks. My plan is to lounge in the sun, visit the island with the ponies, eat a lot of good food and push thoughts of deadlines out of my head for a couple days. While I'm daydreaming about my vacation it's sort of fun that I'm a part of the Wet and Wild Bloghop while I'm getting ready to get down and dirty with my girlfriends. The best vacations are the ones where I don't bring my laptop, I like to work too much.

What's your ideal vacation or one you really enjoyed recently? Because I work as a full time writer I can take time off whenever I like--what winds up happening more often than not is that I don't take a vacation, period. Mostly because I work myself much harder than any full time job would.

Here's a snippet of my latest work in progress where my heroine is forced into a relationship rehab after she catches her picture perfect fiancee cheating on her abroad by webcam. A vacation she in now way wants--until she meets the owner's brother.

Wait.
A prickle of apprehension tickled her lower back making her pulse push harder against her temples.     How had she gotten on the couch? The man from last night—this sure as shit didn’t look like any spa she’d ever set foot in—and she’d been to a lot courtesy of a picky mother. No pamphlets lying out on the coffee table, no check-in desk to welcome guests, no banner proclaiming some kind of healthy living promotion. Not even a measly vase of fresh cut flowers.
All in all, the room was exactly like any other beach house living room she’d ever been in, except for the lack of chipping paint, and the sweet, tart scent of apples. Maybe her mother had given the driver the wrong address? Because this house didn’t have enough rooms that she could see to even begin to cover a spa’s wellness needs. Without another thought, she eased her head between her legs taking deep breaths.
“So the cooking did wake you up? Good, I was wondering how long I’d have to deal with your snoring. Anyone tell you your nasal passages sound like the engine room of the Titanic?”
“Who are you?” she accused, sitting up fast enough that she clawed at her knees with her fingernails to keep her vision from clouding over.
“I’m the guy who saved your ass last night. I’m also your host for the next three days. And I made food. Looks like you won the morning lottery.” He smirked.
He placed down two steaming plates on the coffee table in the front of her, throwing the towels he used for potholders across the room. At least the man knew world class hangover food. In front of them sat two plates piled high with pancakes, fresh berries, whipped cream, and six slices of bacon each on the side. Someone liked their protein, though she couldn’t blame him. Bacon was totally a food group.
“Look’s good.”
“Well, you paid to be here. Part of the job description to feed you.”
“Aren’t you a ray of sunshine in the morning.”
She cracked her neck and winced.
“Sorry, you get what you get until Polly comes back.” He shrugged.
“Polly?”
She drew her gaze away from the mouthwatering food long enough to frown. Taking a good, solid look at his face brought back a tangle of memories from last night. But a majority of them took a backseat while she studied the handsome stranger slash possible kidnapper.    Her impression of him last night hadn’t been too off—he was as tall as a damn lumberjack, at least 6’4. Lean and well-built, what her mother’s trainer would call “naturally thin and trim” with confidence in his words that didn’t play out in his body language.
He dug his hands firmly into a pair of wrinkled, faded jeans. A fawn colored cable knit sweater brought out his large, walnut brown eyes. Thin, black wire frame glasses, dark stubble, and a wiry mass of unruly black hair completed the librarian look. From head to toe he was geek chic, down to bare feet that, thankfully, were perfectly manicured. His eyes shot back and forth, gaze never landing during her scrutiny, mouth tilted down in a frown.
“I should go get the orange juice,” he cleared his throat, turned on his heel, and walked through the door she assumed went into the kitchen.
If she looked at him in the right light, with his glasses off, his high cheekbones and long eyelashes made him look akin to a leading man she’d seen in a Shakespeare movie a while ago. A play of Romeo and Juliet with one of those waifish, blonde actresses dressing up as a man. All the while she was secretly playing the leading man’s muse. Not much else rang a bell.
Chloe shrugged and picked up her fork. What was the harm in chowing down and then calling a cab to drive her to the nearest airport? If she played it safe for the next week she should have enough money in her savings to get her back to NYC safe and sound. No way could her host argue, because he didn’t exactly seem thrilled to have company. She heard the slap of male feet on the hardwood as she tucked the first delicious bite into her mouth.
“Here we are.”
He put two garish plastic cups advertising some Atlantic City hotel on the table.
“Who’s Polly?” Chloe re-asserted her previous question covering her mouth full of pancakes.
“My sister. She runs this place.”
“And this place would be…what?”
“You’re all paid up for three days and you don’t know where you are? Seriously?”
“Looks that way.”
He cocked his head to the side, licked his lips, and shrugged. Watching him uncurl from his place in the large, overstuffed club chair was kind of an Olympian feat. But it wasn’t nearly as entertaining as watching his tight, delicious ass while he headed back into the kitchen with a finger raised over his shoulder. One moment. Yeah, with these pancakes half-way devoured, she might not have many more of those left before it was time to skedaddle.   
He strolled back through swinging kitchen door with a smile on his face a mile wide. Which was kind of nice. Okay, his pearly whites were a little more than nice. Mainly because his eyes lit up behind his glasses, leaving her wobbly knees in the pudding spectrum. But was lusting after some rebound really in her best interest right now? Not when she was making tracks the minute that last bite of syrupy deliciousness coursed down her throat.
Chloe nodded to herself, decided, while he slapped a pale pink flyer down on top of the coffee table next to her plate. His knuckles were sprinkled with tiny, golden hairs. Her gaze tracked back to the flyer as if she’d been caught sneaking a glance.
Without further comment she watched out of the corner of her eye as he deftly folded himself back up into the chair and took his plate into his lap. How it all fit together in the small space must have been a balancing wonder revered by the circus. She shot him a half-smile and tucked in the last bite of pancake moving onto the bacon.


Answer my question with your email address and I'll send you two books of your choosing, from my backlist to my current releases. The grand prize for the hop is:

To refer back to the rest of the bloghop, please go HERE.

I Swear, I'm Alive. Promise. Maybe.

Well, I had quite the month of April, so much so that I didn't even know when it had passed me by until about three days ago. But I'm still here, at my computer, typing away. Nothing much has shifted except I've been working on a lot of random stuff with nothing really completed yet. Although I do have one submission out right now, it doesn't make the other rejections I've gotten over the past couple months fade into the background.

Every writer should be used to rejection--yeah, it never gets any easier. Screw that.

I'm desperately trying to get my Renn Faire BDSM novella out into the world but we have to see which publisher snaps it up first. This book has been sitting with me for at least six months and it's starting to make me itchy. But because of family medical issues--which have happily been resolved--I'm a little late to the party with this submission.

Stuff currently in the works: Furious Lust In Print
                                          Girl's Getting Off Anthology Releases From Xcite
                                          Three Other Untitled Anthology Releases from Cleis Press
                                           42k on new project
                                           Finishing Ex-House (About 10-15k)
                                           Rewriting A BDSM Fairy Tale Short Story
                                          A Bunch of Other Stuff I Need to Send Out Into the World

Stats: So far in 2013 I've written 180,000 words, submitted 12 projects, drank my weight in Red Rose Tea with Almond Joy creamer or Caramel Machiato creamer, sent in submissions to some hardcore publishers that have been on my dream roster, and have gotten a bazillion kitty snuggles from my furry lovebugs.

I still have 13 open projects to complete, 18 fresh ideas tacked to my idea board, and a head full of crazy.

This year so far has been challenging both mentally and emotionally, I'm still trying to figure out where all the time has gone. But I seem to be getting through it on the winning side. I hope to have something exciting to share with you soon, lovelies and gents. Catch you on the flip side, I'm out.

I need a Nip/Tuck for this sickness

Been down in the dumps with the epic crud going around here and there hasn't been much brain power to write, so I've been indulging in a marathon of Nip/Tuck, which I've never seen before, and I can't decide whether I love it because it's so screwed up or whether it's so screwed up that I love it. But I just can't look away--maybe it's the cold meds. But between the Nyquil and the naked Christian Troy ass, I'm one doped up, happy woman.

Hopefully, I'll be back in the saddle with my writing soon.

Big Cocks Blog Hop Winner

Big Cocks and Shamrocks Blog Hop has been over for a bit now and I've got a winner to announce: *cue drumroll*  Congratulations, Sheri Vidal! The winner was chosen at random by a random number generator. I'll be in touch soon, Sheri, and thank you everyone who put in their two cents on embarrassing experiences! Reading them made me feel a little less embarrassed about my own!