Maggie Miller's Blog, page 4

“Remember, People Can’t Walk On You If You Don’t Lie Down!”

When we allow others use manipulation, abuse, withdrawal or lying to put unreasonable demands and expectations on us; “We Need To Stand Up!”

It’s a kin to the mythical story of the “Great Guru” who lived in a cave on top of a tall mountain. A young woman (or man) was in search of everything thing that they needed to know about life in order to survive and have wisdom. So, they were told the best way to find this out was to climb this mountain all the way to the top, beseech this knowledge from the Great Guru.

Day one, all the way to the top of this long steep mountain they climbed. Barely getting their breath and wits about them, out came the Great Guru holding a big stick. As instructed by the people below they told the Guru why they were there. Almost immediately, without a word the Great Guru started to beat them with his stick , back, back all the way to the edge of the mountain!

Day two rolled around and undeterred by the beating they’d received the day before, again they climbed to the top of the mountain. And, once again the Guru appeared from his deep dark cave, and with his stick beat them again back, back to the edge of the mountain.

Day three, either beaten senseless or dam determined, I’m not sure which? They climbed all the way to the top of the mountain. Almost immediately the Great Guru started to emerged and raise his big stick. Before he could make the first strike, the person swiftly reached into the air and grabbed the stick. Although they were clutching his stick, suddenly they realized there was no force to which they were resisting! The Great Guru smiled a dark toothed grin and said in a soft direct voice; “Now you know all there is to know about life.”

What is it that we need to know about life in order to have wisdom, success, peace and to survive the mighty twists and turns of an unpredictable world? Well, much like in the little parable above, we need to learn to have boundaries. Know where we end and others should begin, and that our rights and feeling matter as much as the next persons, whether they are family, friend, coworker or foe. We don’t have to lay down as the doormat for someone else to tread on while sojourning to their desired destiny.  Nor do we have to be held hostage to some addiction whether it be our own or someone else’s.

So, get up and put your hand out as far as your arm will extend and that is a good starting point of where you set a limit as to how far you will be invaded and mistreated. It’s a safety buffer.  It’s a sacred invisible amount of space that contains all of your rights as a fair and honest human being. And the love of a Heavenly Father and the wisdom to know how to survive and take ownership of only what belongs to you!

The little saying / picture above is a good rule of thumb in most relationships, we can walk and have the right to even when someone tries to put all the blame on us. You have the keys to your cell, don’t be your own jailer! May God Bless you and keep you always.

Are You A Sheep or A Goat?

Yes, I am going to bore some of you with a very pertinent Scripture that applies ten – fold to the pictures above and the brief blog that will follow. So, thank you in advance for bearing with me and blessings to you all.

In Matthew 25 : 33-45  

33-39 ..and He will put the sheep on His right, (meaning Jesus) and the goats on the left. “Then the King will say to those on His right, “Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.”

“For I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in;  naked and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.”

Then the righteous will answer Him, “Lord when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink?” “And when did we see You a stranger and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You?” “And when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?”

HERE’S MY FAVORITE PART!

40 “The King(Jesus) will answer and say to them, “Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers (or sisters, my words) of Mine, even to the least of them, you did it to Me.”

NOW SOME PEOPLE WILL GET A LITTLE UNEASY WITH THE NEXT VERSE, BUT WE CAN NOT AND SHOULD NOT ALTER GOD’S WORD OR IT’S MEANING TO EASE OUR CONSCIENCE OR VALIDATE OUR CHOICES.

41-43 “Then He will also say to those on His left,(the goats) “Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and nothing to drink; I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked and you did not clothe Me; sick and in prison, and you did not visit Me.”

44″then they themselves also will answer, “Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?

I LOVE JESUS’ ANSWER.

45 “Then He will answer them, “Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one (another human being) of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.”

The pictures above are taken at our home this past weekend. These 12 children were in need of a blessing and some love. In reality they were the blessing to us. Pressing cider, eating donuts and homemade cookies washed down with yummy fresh cider and hot chocolate, paled in comparison to the gift their eagerness for love and acceptance was as a blessing to us. It was an honor to not only have them in our home, but, to re-gift and pass on the love that Jesus’ has not only shown us, but put in our hearts.

The question of the day that begs an answer, “Are you a sheep or a goat?” And not just during the holiday season, but everyday that we been given life is a celebration. And an even bigger event is when we are faithful at reaching out to the least of these, which in short is one of the biggest gifts we are giving to Jesus, himself!

I am not talking about extravagance here, I’m taking about something as simple or inexpensive as a cup of coffee or your time.

 

 

Facebook & Cyber Reality 101

Colleen L. Bruce

4 mins ·

This morning like many other mornings in any ordinary day in my life, after watching the local and world news, having my coffee and a bite to eat I sit down and… check out what’s new and happening in cyber space. I see posts, comments & pictures of both old and new friends. People that we have loved and lost and not always to reaper who’s name is death. Relationships fall apart for various reasons. Pride, arrogance, a lack of humility, self-pity and un-forgiveness are usually the prevailing factors. For some less fortunate lying, cheating and passive aggressive deception is center stage. And all are usually housed under the umbrella of an over-blown sense of entitlement. No matter how you choose to “slice it” It usually comes down to loss.

Loss of any kind just by it’s nature (unless it’s body weight under healthy circumstances) is painful and life altering at best!

But then as I choose to look into the eyes of the faces of the still and frozen in time pictures, although I often struggle I choose to see the love we / I have shared. Holding tight to the old sentiment; “That is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.”

Then if we have any faith or understanding of God at all, we can recall all of His losses because of us, man-kind, not the least of which was His Son. We can’t pull, drag or dig up from the dead who or what we ache for, but we can cradle them and our tender hearts in loving arms of God, Only to be carried to Him by the One who has suffered the most, Jesus.

Just my thoughts for today.

“JUST SAYIN” Don’t Be A Cyber Bully

Colleen L. Bruce thinking about old memories.
10 hrs ·

“Just Sayin” isn’t that new lingo / defense for people who want to exercise their “right” to an opinion or world view on something or someone that sparks their cause or belief system. I say Amen brother, Amen Sista! It doesn’t really matter does it, whether a person has gay family members, get’s drunk and smokes pot with their kids, are or claim to be a Christian, lie, steal, cheat, gossip, sleep around, let our kids sleep around, keep up with Joneses and back stab others or …do hours upon hours of community and humanitarian work. We all have a right to an opinion. A point of view, a little poem, a saying, picture or thought that we feel reflects our personality. If someone takes it personally to the point where they hinge on being a cyber bully because maybe it hits an off cord with their little world. Take the high road, talk to the person about in a private message or a phone call if you feel they were pointing the purverbial finger at you. I leave this post with 2 thoughts, one was my Nana Morrill’s (who God knows was far from perfect) 1. “A guilty conscience needs no accuser.” And the other was a wise public figure.” 2. “Evil can only prevail if good men (and women) sit idle.” I’m not here to fight anyone’s battles, especially if they don’t matter to them, I have plenty of my own. But, cowering down is not an option for me any more. Or taking a beating especially if what was posted wasn’t meant to personally hurt anyone. “Just Sayin”

We have a Nation at war, it’s called the United States of America! Fighting each other over our unresolved sin or the past however great or tainted it might be, is not the order of the day people. The mess this country is in and our denial of God’s divine blessing on America because it was founded on His Word. Not mine and not yours, His. And the human race has been offered a provision for it’s arrogance and self-indulgent ways; Jesus Christ. We are in the 11th hour here people, what battles or causes will you be standing up for when the clock strikes the next hour?

 

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The Bully and The Bullied

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The BULLY AND THE BULLIED!

PROVERBS 14:9-10 “Fools mock at making amends for sin, but goodwill is found among the upright. each heart knows it’s own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.”

 

THE BULLY AND THE BULLIED

“Taking a sobering look at bullies and their victims.”

 

As a survivor of bullying, I’m here to tell you that the affects of the intimidation and the trauma that comes with being bullied are no joke, especially to the victims. Due to the recent intensity of media coverage on bullying as well as seeing and hearing the victims on TV has turned something up inside of me that I cannot seem to shake off. My heart is gripped with pain and my stomach is filled  with a sick heavy feeling at the inhumane actions that children and young adults are committing against each other.

As if by osmosis my physical reactions are turned into an anger that is steeped in righteous indignation. To witness how out of control bullying has become, especially in public schools, through cell phone texting and cyber bullying is horrifying at best. In my case thirty plus years later the lingering memories of the bullying I endured still makes my eyes well up with tears.

It doesn’t matter what kind of bully you are, a student, parent, peer, or professional, someone needs to ask  you, “What it is that fuels your need to intimidate and abuse another human-being?”

I say to those doing the bullying, “Do you realize that for the child/young adult that you are intimidating it is confusing and difficult to understand why the abuse is happening? Not to mention the kind of pain and traumatic scars that it can leave on the soul of the victim! Who is or has intimidated and hurt you so badly that you feel the need to pass on such intimidation and pain? Is someone or something hurting you? How does it make you feel? Do you think it feels any better to the person or persons that you are passing it on to?

Whatever your answer, encourage you to take a careful look at  the deepest and most humane part of yourself and ask, “What or who do I really care about? Would I want someone I love hurt this way?” Maybe you don’t love anyone or anything.(Maybe your own pain is so great that bullying has become the only way to have a sense of control in your own life.) If so, than you need to know that you are not alone and that you need to get help before you continue to destroy other people’s lives as well as your own.

Regardless of what’s going on inside of you I strongly encourage you to reach out and get the support you need to change your behavior. Whether it is a pastor of a church, a youth or adult learning center, a counselor at school, a true and trusted friend (not one who is  participating in abusive behaviors with you) or mentor through a public program. I’m here to tell you, that someone will reach back!” Victims are not the only recipients of these programs, nor should they be. We As a society we need to remember there is a firm and undisputable lesson in life that we all need to learn and adhere to –  that our rights end where another person’s begins.

Many years ago I made a promise to myself, that I would never bully or intentionally abuse another human being, and by the grace of God, I never have . When children or adults are at the mercy of an abuser or a bully they are not only robbed of their safety, but the right to choose their fate . Bullying is unkind, unfair and cruel, period. Whenever someone is unevenly yoked and at the mercy of a bully, especially one who is  lacking a decent sense of right and wrong, and empathy towards other human beings, those around them are at the risk of becoming victims.

I remember having gum and lollypops stuck in my hair and being shoved down three to seven stairs at a time between classes in grammar and high school. Almost every day in high school my lunch was stolen and eaten in front of me by some roughneck boys that made hateful gestures at me while they savagely tore my lunch apart and ate it between them. One day I dared to speak out only to find myself lying on my back with a cracked elbow in the middle of the gym floor. The innocent students standing by did not get involved  for fear of their own safety.

For me it was the degrading name calling that helped destroy what little self-worth I had left, from the abusive home in which I grew up. Which adds another burden and angle to the unfortunate position of the victim. Many children who are bullied also have a less than desirable home life. I remember thinking that, I must have a “victim odor” that the bullies could smell about me, and that I must deserve this treatment.”

I’ve always wanted to question the parents or guardians whom raised these bullies, “What is going on in your home? What kind of examples of fair treatment are you teaching and showing your children? Are they learning the lessons of accountability, right and wrong, and that there are consequences for their behavior?

To the victims I say, ‘We will not always get the restitution that we feel we deserve, especially from our abusers. Soul wounds can linger for a lifetime and don’t usually heal like the scrapped knees of childhood. But believing that you are less than or deserving of abuse is the erroneous thinking of the often distorted world system in which we live. It does not come from a loving God.

Several years after my life of hell as victim had ended, I was out for a walk with my new baby, when an unfamiliar truck pulled up beside me. It was one of my grade school and high school bullies. Immediately I was filled with panic. He rolled down the window and in a humiliated and uncertain voice asked if I could ever forgive him for the horrible way he had treated me? His hatefulness had caught up with his conscience.

The last thought I had about this boy, now a man, was contempt. In a trembling voice I said, “Sure.” Was I sure? Not really, but I couldn’t help but have empathy for him, that I know today was God-given.

When I got home and told my husband what had just happened, I cried like a baby. At last a small piece of my self-worth that had been so recklessly taken from me in my youth was given back to me.

No man or woman is an island, no, not one of us! Our actions will forever affect the lives of those around us.

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Love Your Little Person!

     If anyone had asked me 4 months ago, “If I had pretty much healed and connected to my child self?” I would have said with a fair amount of certainty, “yes.” It wasn’t until a nagging feeling compelled me to go back into counseling about 12 weeks ago, for what I thought was anxiety stemming from the uncertainty of my financial and vocational stability. I have been haggling with myself and God over changes that really needed to take place over 10 years ago! Instead I’ve kept pushing my self to the matt financially and relationally. Mean while my career of 27 years as a self-employed baker, preserver & caterer has been dying a slow death, and is raising havoc with my body, mind and spirit. I was exhausted and needed a way out! I WANTED REST…

Although I have over 24 years of counseling under my belt and with good secular counselors. I finally prayed and sought out a Christian counselor, not a pious authoritative no-it-all Bible thumper. But rather a down to earth, meet you where your at, hate the sin, but love the sinner type of counselor who really gets it. See when you realize the wall you’ve plastered yourself into leaves with nowhere to go, God in His patient divine wisdom will say; “Are we now ready to try it another way?” There’s no doubt the counselors I had the first 24 years were destined for that time. Counseling through God’s window was now an option I needed to grasp with both hands. I had finally grown desperate enough for Him more than anyone or anything else.

Surprise!! The second week, maybe the third, wasn’t I balling my eyes out about realizing the types of secret “packs” I had made with myself years ago as a child when I had no control over my abuse, abusers or my pain. Things that I would inwardly block making sure I never suffered that way again. Packs that grew with me and had become larger than life itself, and I had lost all conscious awareness of their size and power in my life. By week 8 I was overwhelmed by feelings of extreme unworthiness as a child, to the point that I couldn’t speak for the large boulder in my throat was taking my breath away. The hot acid like tears that streamed down my face seem to pour like a steady rolling fountain, they had no end.

Tomorrow I step up and out my door to week 13 of meeting with this great God given counselor who knows how to be used as a vessel. I still have no answers to my pending “life issues” and sad in ways I hadn’t banked on. But, I feel the Light drawing nearer and I am ready to finally start the process of truly cherishing, honoring and loving my little person. She deserves no less. I love babies, toddler persons (as I call them) and children right through teenage years. I now need to love all those persons who have made me myself.

We are well to remember, satan wants us in the darkness of our pain filled past, our sins, regrets and bitterness towards others. It the only hope he has of getting us to spend eternity in hell with him. Tell him no today, every day, several times a day!

EPHESIANS 2:4-5 But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved).