The BULLY AND THE BULLIED!
PROVERBS 14:9-10 “Fools mock at making amends for sin, but goodwill is found among the upright. each heart knows it’s own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.”
THE BULLY AND THE BULLIED
“Taking a sobering look at bullies and their victims.”
As a survivor of bullying, I’m here to tell you that the affects of the intimidation and the trauma that comes with being bullied are no joke, especially to the victims. Due to the recent intensity of media coverage on bullying as well as seeing and hearing the victims on TV has turned something up inside of me that I cannot seem to shake off. My heart is gripped with pain and my stomach is filled with a sick heavy feeling at the inhumane actions that children and young adults are committing against each other.
As if by osmosis my physical reactions are turned into an anger that is steeped in righteous indignation. To witness how out of control bullying has become, especially in public schools, through cell phone texting and cyber bullying is horrifying at best. In my case thirty plus years later the lingering memories of the bullying I endured still makes my eyes well up with tears.
It doesn’t matter what kind of bully you are, a student, parent, peer, or professional, someone needs to ask you, “What it is that fuels your need to intimidate and abuse another human-being?”
I say to those doing the bullying, “Do you realize that for the child/young adult that you are intimidating it is confusing and difficult to understand why the abuse is happening? Not to mention the kind of pain and traumatic scars that it can leave on the soul of the victim! Who is or has intimidated and hurt you so badly that you feel the need to pass on such intimidation and pain? Is someone or something hurting you? How does it make you feel? Do you think it feels any better to the person or persons that you are passing it on to?
Whatever your answer, encourage you to take a careful look at the deepest and most humane part of yourself and ask, “What or who do I really care about? Would I want someone I love hurt this way?” Maybe you don’t love anyone or anything.(Maybe your own pain is so great that bullying has become the only way to have a sense of control in your own life.) If so, than you need to know that you are not alone and that you need to get help before you continue to destroy other people’s lives as well as your own.
Regardless of what’s going on inside of you I strongly encourage you to reach out and get the support you need to change your behavior. Whether it is a pastor of a church, a youth or adult learning center, a counselor at school, a true and trusted friend (not one who is participating in abusive behaviors with you) or mentor through a public program. I’m here to tell you, that someone will reach back!” Victims are not the only recipients of these programs, nor should they be. We As a society we need to remember there is a firm and undisputable lesson in life that we all need to learn and adhere to – that our rights end where another person’s begins.
Many years ago I made a promise to myself, that I would never bully or intentionally abuse another human being, and by the grace of God, I never have . When children or adults are at the mercy of an abuser or a bully they are not only robbed of their safety, but the right to choose their fate . Bullying is unkind, unfair and cruel, period. Whenever someone is unevenly yoked and at the mercy of a bully, especially one who is lacking a decent sense of right and wrong, and empathy towards other human beings, those around them are at the risk of becoming victims.
I remember having gum and lollypops stuck in my hair and being shoved down three to seven stairs at a time between classes in grammar and high school. Almost every day in high school my lunch was stolen and eaten in front of me by some roughneck boys that made hateful gestures at me while they savagely tore my lunch apart and ate it between them. One day I dared to speak out only to find myself lying on my back with a cracked elbow in the middle of the gym floor. The innocent students standing by did not get involved for fear of their own safety.
For me it was the degrading name calling that helped destroy what little self-worth I had left, from the abusive home in which I grew up. Which adds another burden and angle to the unfortunate position of the victim. Many children who are bullied also have a less than desirable home life. I remember thinking that, I must have a “victim odor” that the bullies could smell about me, and that I must deserve this treatment.”
I’ve always wanted to question the parents or guardians whom raised these bullies, “What is going on in your home? What kind of examples of fair treatment are you teaching and showing your children? Are they learning the lessons of accountability, right and wrong, and that there are consequences for their behavior?
To the victims I say, ‘We will not always get the restitution that we feel we deserve, especially from our abusers. Soul wounds can linger for a lifetime and don’t usually heal like the scrapped knees of childhood. But believing that you are less than or deserving of abuse is the erroneous thinking of the often distorted world system in which we live. It does not come from a loving God.
Several years after my life of hell as victim had ended, I was out for a walk with my new baby, when an unfamiliar truck pulled up beside me. It was one of my grade school and high school bullies. Immediately I was filled with panic. He rolled down the window and in a humiliated and uncertain voice asked if I could ever forgive him for the horrible way he had treated me? His hatefulness had caught up with his conscience.
The last thought I had about this boy, now a man, was contempt. In a trembling voice I said, “Sure.” Was I sure? Not really, but I couldn’t help but have empathy for him, that I know today was God-given.
When I got home and told my husband what had just happened, I cried like a baby. At last a small piece of my self-worth that had been so recklessly taken from me in my youth was given back to me.
No man or woman is an island, no, not one of us! Our actions will forever affect the lives of those around us.
