Mark Simpson's Blog, page 13
September 22, 2018
Bro Tea
I’m a little late to the party, but this sketch tells you everything you need to know about America’s attitude to tea – it’s luke-warm quaint effeminacy, which is never ever brewed in a pot. And also, more particularly, America’s Hummersexual advertising to men. It’s funny precisely because it’s barely parody. (h/t David S)
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September 11, 2018
Making Men: Navy Recruiting Ads

“Join the Navy and feel a man!” exhorted the famous Royal Navy recruiting slogan from the early 1980s. Or at least, the famous RN recruiting slogan according to us Air Cadets when we were trying to score banter points over the Navy Cadets at my school. Even though I thought the slogan probably made up, […]
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Making Men: Royal Navy Recruiting Ads

“Join the Navy and feel a man!” exhorted the famous Royal Navy recruiting slogan from the early 1980s. Or at least, the famous RN recruiting slogan according to us Air Cadets when we were trying to score banter points over the Navy Cadets at my school. Even though I thought the slogan probably made up, […]
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September 3, 2018
The Queen is Dead – But Now Available on Kindle

Just twenty years after my last paper letter to Steve Zeeland winged its way across the Atlantic when ‘winging’ meant taking a couple of weeks instead of almost instantaneously, our ill-advised – and just ill – collected correspondence from 1995-1998, The Queen is Dead: A Story of Jarheads, Eggheads, Serial Killers & Bad Sex, has achieved […]
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July 21, 2018
Flappy Shorts, Footie Fluffers & Stagey Divers: The 2018 World Cup In Rearview

I’m not a footie fan – you’ll probably not be shocked to hear. But I don’t really mind the World Cup – which is good of me, I know. I watched some of the just-finished Russia 2018 matches on telly, as non-football fans tend to do during World Cups. Partly because you can’t escape it, […]
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March 16, 2018
Lights, Camera, Action Man

It was announced last month that the little man is finally getting the big screen treatment. The director of the last two Muppet films is making an Action Man action movie. But it seems that moneysupermarket.com have beaten him to it, producing this blockbuster which has been airing on UK television. In it a regiment […]
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March 5, 2018
Mark Simpson Strips in the Park!

Recently re-discovered during a clear out: a sultry June afternoon, Richmond Park, London 1991. Back when I had hair – and was more practitioner than theorist of male self sexualisation. (Photos by Paul Stanley, styling by Army & Navy Surplus)
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February 22, 2018
Muller Light: The Money Shot

Muller Light’s latest ad continues its heavy-handed theme of debasing the objectified men it uses to sell its aerated dairy products – perhaps reaching a kind of climax. It deploys the usual buff and semi-naked young male, this time handling his ‘pot’ – he loses control at the ‘FAT FREE!!’ shrieks and ends up glazing himself. Hee-hee. […]
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February 12, 2018
Pure XS & Impure Teacakes – The Problem With ‘Objectification’

The Narcissus myth about the beautiful, doomed youth who falls for his own reflection, continues to be a mainstay of this Millenium’s advertising – albeit re-written with a ‘happy ending’. For example, this Pure XS Paco Rabanne TV ad set in a kind of Big Brother/Love Island bathroom, stars a young, athletic and voluptuously beautiful man […]
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February 5, 2018
Killer Queen: Andrew Cunanan, My Love Rival
by Steven Zeeland I wouldn’t normally do this kind of thing, but Mark Simpson made me. Write a preface, that is – for the following journ...