Jude Stringfellow's Blog, page 79

Looking For a House!

 OMG, it's been almost a full week since I last blogged - - but, just so you know, it hasn't been all that long since I talked to people and really, that's what matters. I know the title of the blog is "Jude's Almost Daily Blog", but there are just some times (years) I don't write that much online. I mean, its shouldn't be that way. I should keep anyone and everyone in the loop, right? I think I have 55 follows!! Two of you may actually care what's happening, and I think you deserve to know.  Thank you for sticking with me in the thick and in the thin of it. I truly do value anyone who takes the time to read my rantings.

    As the title says, I'm looking for a new house!  I've actually not purchased a house since 1997.  I've been in real estate hell a couple of times. I've tried to buy and couldn't. I've tried to buy and was successful until the boss thought I needed to part ways with the company. That never fares well with the lenders.  I've purchased horses, cars, and other expensive things in the past couple of decades, but not a house. I've been living in a rented apartment most of my adult life because I really don't do lawns. I am not a gardener, I am not going to plant a bunch of flowers and keep them going. I will repair the fences only because I don't want my dogs to escape.  When it comes to yard work there just isn't anything interesting about it to me, so I just don't put myself in that situation. 

    When we lived in Indiana I leased a house with land, 25 acres of land, and we were lucky enough to have enough livestock to keep it trimmed enough to remain in good standing with the city council.  It's amazing what one goat will do to a front garden! The goat was more upset that I wasn't into plants; but he got over it. When it comes to owning a house I think I would rather actually own a condominium so that I'm not doing anything whatsoever outside other than going to the mailbox to pick up my junk mail and petting a stray animal who will soon join the flock.  Maybe you're shaking your head thinking it's fun to dig in the dirt and mow the grass - - good on you! I don't mind making mud pies or throwing horse manure at you, but I don't want to worry about whether or not I need to pluck this or that weed and/or should I think about whether the sprinkler needs to be out overnight. God can decide if the grass needs to be watered. 

    Keeping in mind that I'm looking for a permanent place to roost, it should be noted that I have decided to live in America for the time being, and give up my hopes of retiring in Scotland. One, I'm not retiring, and two, with the way things are going I could be with this company for the long haul (or until Jesus returns) and if they keep their word about me being able to work from anywhere I suppose I could consider splitting my time between just outside Edinburgh and Oklahoma.  I may, I may not. I have a while to consider it. For now, I'm thinking I'll end up in the Greater Oklahoma City Metropolitan area somewhere; probably closer to the University of Oklahoma rather than the University of Central Oklahoma - - if I had to be honest. I love both schools, but yeah, Sooner born. I was (sadly) not Sooner bred. The parents were up in Denver at the time of my conception; God, I'm so happy they moved here!

    For me, and not, not everyone else, a house with only two bedrooms is sufficient. I'm more of a cave-dog than a big-house type. Like I said, a condo would be just fine. I need two bedrooms and one bath, one kitchen, one living area. I don't really need a dining area, so it should not be hard to find a place with a good price. I'm so not picky, if the place needed a few fixes that would be OK too. I'm going to have to insist on a good toilet, a deep bathtub and washer and dryer hook ups, but that's about all I really need. I mean, most houses here have central heating and air, so that's a given. I'd love a storm shelter or basement. The average house in the area I'm looking at now is higher than it was a year ago. It's about $135,000.00 for a 1150 square foot home with 3 bedrooms and 1.5 baths, and with a one car garage.  In Oklahoma we pay down 3.5% and the interest rate is what it is, but the average payment will be about $725-740.00. I can do that. Craig will be happy wherever we end up, I'm sure.

    I'm so freaking spoiled, I will buy the warranty of course, and any extensions they can offer on the existing appliances and central air system. I would melt if I had to sit in front of a window unit all day. Not sure how my grandparents even survived, but they did. I'm proof of that I suppose.  For the most part I'll be creating a new space just for myself, my animals, and of course Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson. They travel with me wherever I go. I'm thinking Mr. Remington may have to make an appearance as well, I'm actually much more confident with a long gun than I am a pistol. I'm really good with the dogs and cats! I'll just throw one or two at the bad guy and head for the next exit if I need to.  The only thing I may actually worry about is that if I live by myself I may not remind myself to blow out my candles. I should practice that now. Laura won't be there to do that. She may still text me to remind me. I can ask her to do that. It's the least she can do for her mom.

    I'll keep you posted as time goes by.  I have to save for the down payment and the closing, but if we can talk the sellers into taking more of a purchase price in lieu of me paying for the closing, I could be looking at a June closing! That makes me happy!  I won't post my address of course, but I don't mind saying in what general vicinity I've landed - - I think I'll probably be close enough to walk to Campus Corner if I was dead honest about it. The prices are great in Norman Town and you can smell and taste victory around every corner! No joke, most people wear the same colors nearly every day, and no one ever gets tired of seeing it - - nope! Boomer Sooner!

Photo Credit: Unknown (Pinterest)

I Walked Away.

 I started this blog about three times and I really said what I thought needed to be said. I was up front, blunt, right on target, and I hit the mark with force! That's why I deleted it three separate times and tried again. I continued to write it, to express my opinion, but each time I realized that what I was doing was just venting about my own personal feelings about the situation. I wasn't giving any thought really to how the other person may be feeling and how he may be reacting to what I think is this way or that way. I do that, and it's not the best side of me. I need to work on it, and I am working on it, but at the same time I am absolutely certain that I was 100% correct when I said I needed to walk away for my own good. I did that. I walked away. My choice.

    I wasn't in a relationship. You can't have a relationship of any type without there being a reciprocation by at least two parties. Most relationships are bi-partisan anyway. I bet there are some that are more involved, but what I walked away from was just a mono-thing - - me, and me only. I guess we could include God since He was the one who commissioned me in the first place. Like any good soldier I did exactly what I was called to do. I went where I was sent, I said what I was to say, I did what I was to do, and all without much of a plan really.  I was guided by my heart and led by the Spirit. I don't know that my years of prayers meant anything whatsoever to the other party - - the party that was NOT reciprocating and who was NOT the least bit appreciative that I alone was praying for him when it was made clear to me (and to him) that even his own wife nor mother was actually lifting him in prayer on a daily (or remotely) basis. It was me. That and that alone was the reason God must have commissioned me. My deployment is finished. I put in my papers this morning, and God accepted them. The man is set free and he is on his own. I suppose I'll still lift a prayer now and then, but I won't lift a finger to help him.  Sorry, omission is the same as commission to me when it comes to showing gratitude or even reasonable acknowledgement. 

    To say I am upset would not be accurate. I am done.  I am not in any way angry with the man. He can't be blamed for my choices. He was in need of prayer and for whatever reason God gave that to me; OK, I did it. I think I may have made a mistake in letting him know he was being lifted to God. He either got scared or panicked, I'm not sure, but the rudeness and the apparent blocking and avoidance has been both unnecessary and thankless. It's not even that I needed to be thanked. I really didn't need that because he wasn't the one who was asking me to pray -- but you'd think, one would think, that if someone is giving up time to hold your needs before Almighty God that there may be some showing of relief; instead I was met with unmindful rudeness and purposely talked about, having false stories told about me and tales about my personal character. No. I didn't sign up for that. I asked God about 100 times in the past (for these and other reasons) I could just simply stop. I was told no. Today I put in my request again, and this time I was sent home from the battlefield. 

    When my son returned from his tours of duty he was never truly appreciated by the people he was actually standing guard over. He wasn't shown the least bit of love from most of them. Sure, there were a few who nodded his way, or allowed him to throw candy to their kids in the streets, but he came home knowing that he did his job. He did his job well enough that the people of those countries were at least that much better off because he and thousands of men and women like him were there to do their duty and to answer their commission. It sort of feels like that. I didn't ask for this particular assignment, and at first it wasn't all that difficult. As time went on and the man's life seemingly fell apart, you'd think that me praying for him would have been accepted but that's not what happened. I was shunned, and to my dismay, this fine Christian man allowed his (now divorced) wife to say things about me to his friends and to people we both know. He didn't stop her. Maybe he was too scared to face the truth about what was happening. I don't know. Me being there struck a few chords and he was reeling I suppose from the truth I was able to reveal to him. I know I opened his eyes on a few occasions; occasions he was so blinded from and had zero knowledge of the events - - how can people be this oblivious? He was. He still is. His choice.

    Well, today was the day. It wasn't a day of commission. He didn't do anything, but rather it was the omissions that did it for me. He's not taking responsibility for things he should and I am in no position to address that. He is not my husband. He is not my anything, but he is a grown ass man and should be able to be both mentally efficient and efficient in character. He's saying he's a follower of Christ but not changing things in his life that reflect open and obvious sin. We all sin. I sin too. I want to be brought around when it happens so I can confess it. He wants to hide it under a rug and pretend it doesn't exist or he's apt to say it's no ones business. Really?  Yes it is!

    I could continue to beat my head against the proverbial wall, or I could walk away. Deciding to walk was not an easy choice. It meant I would need to stop caring and I would need to stop sharing too. I've done that. I would say I regret these past two and a half years in the prayer closet, because they don't seem to have made any real difference, but I know that isn't true. God says our duty is to HIM not to ourselves and we are to glorify HIM; so that is what I did, and I am thankful for the bricks thrown at me, and the wall from whence I removed my skull.  There will be a day when the Lord reveals to this man that the absence of prayer is the hardest burden of all. The unfortunate thing is, I won't be waiting on the corner to catch him when he does fall. He has to hit the ground full force unless he can muster up a way to change what he knows needs to be changed. That is between him and his God. I did my tour.

    OK. I think I can post it now. I wanted to get it out of my head and heart because it hurts. There may be more people like me, who from their souls have committed themselves to prayer and not seen a blip of a difference in the person for whom the prayers were given. The thing is, that's not the point. The point is to be faithful to God and God alone. Do what you are told. Go where you are sent. Say what you are commanded, and be who you are supposed to be. Jonah made it to Nineveh. He got there in a very upsetting manner, and when he arrived he was shocked to find out that God's plan had actually worked! Well, I have a HUGE advantage over Jonah; my grandpa taught me how to fish and not be bait. He also taught me to answer God every time - - before the storm hits that sends you over the side of the boat and into the blistering sea. 

    Good bye, Tex.  "See ya on the other side"

Photo Credit: Msinthebiz.com

Naked Bearded Man Has a Name!

 He has been given a name.  For over 30 years I have been pretend "married" to a fictitious man (albeit very sexy and handsome, around 50 I think, but ageless really) whom I never actually got around to naming. I mean, I figured his fictitious mum would have named him, but he really never speaks of her and when he does he's speaking in his native tongue of Scots Gaelic; I really can't understand much of what he says. He smiles a lot, and that's good enough.  Naked Bearded Man, or NBM, has been in my dreams, in my mind, in my heart and in my writings for so long now that whenever anyone asks me who I'm in love with I usually say "My husband" because when I say "Naked Bearded Man" it tends to cause a little confusion. 

    Really, who I am in love with, or whether I am in love at all, is no one's damn business. I can be absolutely head over heels with someone and the only people who would really know are my three closest friends, my kids, my dog, and maybe those who read my blogs. I do tend to let most of my secrets out of the bag and into the Blogdom that is Jude's Almost Daily Blog. Today, and it really was just today, I have decided to give the man I've shared my bed with for the past 30 years a real name. Funny story, I was actually married 25 years ago, so for about five of the last years I was married the bed was a bit crowded with NBM being placed quite nicely between myself and my then husband. To say I preferred an imaginary friend is rather revealing; wouldn't you agree?  Our relationship has lasted the test of time; the actual husband, not so much. 

    When I first conjured the man I wasn't sure what to do with him. I talked to him, took him with me on those long walks you take to get away from life. I held his hand. He remained silent for the most part, and just listened to my every complaint. He was there, just being there, and he was smiling. If he has done anything well, it is that he smiled throughout these many many years of our knowing one another. I don't smile anywhere near as often as he does. (Just so you know, his teeth are a little spaced; they're not perfect. There's even a chip on one of his bottom front teeth, but I've never asked him about it. I may do that.)  His mouth is hidden in his whiskers and when he even slightly moves it I am melted. He holds a very strong grip and yet, he is tenderhearted, easy going, and always a gentle soul.

    I needed to ask him questions, but I wasn't sure if I could accept his answers if they disagreed with my own. I gave him the language of my ancestors. He could say anything and I would fall deeper in love with him; the Scottish brogue is an amazing lullaby in an of itself. I'm actually learning the language now through an online program just so I can understand the man when he whispers to me at night; don't judge me. He's quite beautiful and he has not really aged that much come to think of it. I think he has a bit of grey showing in the beard these days.  The fact that he is naked most of the time could be why I called him Naked Bearded Man for all these years, but giving him a good look over this morning, I can tell you, he hasn't aged much anywhere on his firm strong and ever so muscled body. He has needed to buy a larger kilt. I'll say that. He has become a bit rounded as time has passed. 

    Today I decided that enough was enough. He has been my go to, my best friend of the evening. He is never far from my side, always willing to carry on a conversation or just listen to me as I rant about the goings and comings of the day. He has never once asked me to name him. He has never once asked me to call him by his name. As I said earlier, I'm sure he has one, but I don't know it if he does. I created him to be my friend and sound board; over time he has become my invisible journal.  I tell him everything and I think about what he would actually say to me if he were actually visual. He needs a name. I want to call him something other than "NBM" or my husband. 

    I thought about putting several folded up pieces of paper into a hat and literally drawing out a first and last name, but then again, he would need a middle name  too.  I didn't want to leave his name, which is something so dear and so intricate a part of who he is, up to chance. I looked at him. I held his hands and I stared into his deep grey eyes; eyes that both send me to the heavens and call me back to Earth.  I asked him to whisper to me and to tell me what I should call him.  He returned my stare with those amazingly soft and subtle eyes of his and so barely opened his mouth and said "My  name is Craig Allan MacKenzie. It's a pleasure to meet your acquaintance."  I nearly died. What a perfect name for such a genuinely perfect man. He even said it in a clear enough tone that I fully understood him. That was a plus. He's been so patient.

    So there you have it. Craig Allan MacKenzie, a Highlander who was born sometime after 1690, and fought with the Jacobites at Culloden in 1745.  He's never told me exactly how it is that he's living now and in my time, but I suspect that it has something to do with a glitch in the system. He has had many opportunities to leave me, to return to the wilderness just north of Iverness, Scotland, but he has always been so very content to keep me company.  I am absolutely grateful for his worthy companionship. I honestly don't know what I would have done many many times if he hadn't been there to calm me down and to assure me that the world is never what we think it is. It's so much grander on the other side. We'll find out some day I'm sure.  Until that day, Craig and I have things to talk about.  After 30+ years we are still very much together and really, it's been nice to not have to worry about sharing my life with anyone else. I'm good.

    Bha thu ann nuair a bha feum agam ort, agus tha thu air fuireach còmhla rium, fìor charaid.Tha gràdh agam ort.

Something like this - - something very very close to this. 

Cheeky? Maybe.

 When people (and by "people" he knows who I'm talking about) decided to block other people...well, me, actually, they only detour the inevitable. Shall we play a game? I may not be the techiest person on the planet, God knows I am not, but I can wheel my way around making new and creative websites, users, etc., so that I may continue to observe when and who I damn well feel like observing.  I think the term is "Watch me!"  I love a good challenge and as I grow older, oh yes, say it, so very very old, I have become keenly aware of the experiences that I have yet to master. No worries. Until Jesus returns I have plenty of internet time. 

    I remember being around five or six years old; I know I couldn't fully read yet, but I was in school and it was hot outside, so that could have been November (if we're honest). I live in Oklahoma, always have really, for the most part, so the fact that it was hot outside only means it wasn't January or February. I was about five I suppose, long legged, and apt to go just about anywhere my feet would take me. I didn't own a bike of my own, so getting around took a bit of effort on my part.  I climbed over a wired fence. It was barbed wired, and it had a big orange diamond-shaped sign with words painted right in the middle of the sign. The sign was nailed of course, to the posts that had the wires wrapped around them. I guess I could have crawled under the wires too, but I didn't. At five I couldn't have weighed much, and the orange sign gave me some good leverage as I hoisted myself right up over the fence.  The sign, by the way, was placed there by the government. I found out later it bore the words "No Trespassing"

    Later that afternoon I found a big bone sticking out of the ground. I thought it must be a horse bone or something, so I used an old tree branch to dig it out of the ground. I took that bone right back home with me and showed it to my mom. Her face lit up all sorts of colors and my tail end would have ended up many shades of red had I not negotiated with my mother over the intel I had regarding the bone and where it came from. I flat told her if she whooped me I wouldn't tell her anything. She knew me. She knew I was stubborn and serious about not talking if I set my mind to it. I could take a paddling, but if I decide to shut my mouth nothing is going to get me talking - - except maybe Grandpa.

    She kept her promise and she didn't spank me.  I told her and I even showed her where I found the bone. That's when she read the sign to me and told me what it meant. That was all a bunch of nonsense as far as this girl was concerned. Trespassing, as far as she described it meant being somewhere that you didn't have a right to be. Who tells kids they can't be in fields, creek beds, tree orchards or such? That's not right.  I promised her I wouldn't climb over the fence again. I didn't promise her I wouldn't go back to where the bone was found. I just crawled under the wires from then on and no one was the wiser. I didn't dig up anymore bones; which by the way, that one was a thigh bone of a Native American who had possibly been buried there over a 100 years beforehand.  Mom had to turn it over to the police and they had a talk with me about that word again. Trespassing.  Whatever.

    I think my point is that I've always been one to do what I want to do. I really can't see why I shouldn't be allowed to do so if I'm not hurting anyone. That's why I became an investigator. I have a license now to go places others can't go. I have a license to sneak in and observe if I want to, or I can walk through the door. If the door is locked I can get in another way. Let me say that in INSTAGRAM terms; if you block me, I will go through another door. I'm not the best at it, but I am consistent. I'm also persistent, and I'm rather insistent as well. Some say I'm "uncomfortable" and/or "cheeky". I could be. But there is a reason behind the perseverance. If I don't know what I'm praying for I am not able to pray as effectively as I may need to. I am, if nothing else, a very keen prayer warrior. I insist on having God's ear when He and I speak, and I return the same. I listen. I always listen. I never NOT listen. 

    One more thing before I go; just because someone is not your cup of tea doesn't mean that person isn't the best damn cup of tea in the cafe!  Just because you don't agree with someone doesn't mean they are wrong. When a command is given the soldiers comply. When a soldier doesn't comply the Commanding Officer has a bone to pick with them -- doesn't He? I am a very good soldier. I will never not comply. If I seem a bit over the top it's because I am over the top. It's always worked for me. You don't see all of the corners of the rooms they rope off when you go into a museum, castle, or showcase, but I do.  

    There was a time, and I'll leave the blog link here, that I actually spent the night in a museum in order to create, organize, and display an amazing exhibit that needed to be built but no one had the time to do it -- so I did it. Did they ask me to? No.  Did they give me permission? Hell no.  Were they pleased beyond measure that I did it? Yes, yes they were. Was it right? I don't know.  It needed to be done.  I suspect when I get to Heaven Jesus may giggle, shake His head a bit and swat me on the backside as He lets me in -- I'd deserve it, but I will be let in; that much I know.

    Not gonna lie. I am not gonna change. I am who I am. I am the only me I could ever be. Be that as it may, I may very well be the lunatic you're looking for. 

The link is also here:  CONFESSIONS of a WRITER:  https://judestringfellow.blogspot.com/2017/01/confessions-of-writer.html

Me in 1981 after writing my name on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

"Hey, Jealousy!"

 Oh, the Gin Blossoms! I absolutely love that band. I tend to forget them when someone asks me what or who my favorite band(s) is/are. I say the Bee Gees, Boston, Kansas, Journey, and Nickelback for the secular stuff, and Celtic Worship, Mercy Me, and Casting Crowns for the gospel tunes. I do love me some individuals too, mind you. I can't go without Elton, Phil Collins, Stevie Nicks, Steph Macleod, or Daughtry. OMG,  I just realized I left out .38 Special and Creed. Who am I? I've done lost my mind!

    So, the blog is about jealousy, right? I thought of the Gin Blossoms because of their song "Hey, Jealousy".  What people need to realize, and some do, is that the word "jealousy" is not to be confused with or interchanged with the word "envy". I was absolutely upset with the www.thesaurus.com site when I queried the word intentionally, so that I could prove that my longstanding knowledge of the differences between the words is nearly polar opposite.  To be jealous, as God Himself is jealous at times, is to defend wholly what is yours already. YOU own it, it belongs to you, and someone else wants it, but you say NO. That is jealousy. Jealousy is not wanting what others have, or wishing we were what they are, etc.  It is simply NOT what people try and make it out to be, and that's when it hit me! Satan is behind that confusion.

    Satan is the master liar, the confederate of confederates. You'll never see a confederate or fake $4.00 bill because there isn't a REAL or genuine $4.00 bill. In the U.S. we have $1.00 bills, $5.00 bills, $10.00 bills, and so forth, but we don't have a $4.00 bill, therefore, you'll never see a fake one out there being used. We actually do have a $2.00 bill in circulation, I'm not sure if it is still being minted. It shouldn't be. Satan wants to ruin, and have you ruin, your life. He throws lies at us and he tells us to be envious of this or that, but he sort of put it into our heads that the word should be "jealous" or "jealousy" because that way we can then later say "Oh, but God is jealous at times, so it's OK if we are."  NOTHING could be further from the truth!  We should be jealous, yes, but we should NEVER be envious of someone or what someone else has. That is also known as coveting and it's one of the Top 10!  Do not do that. Be JEALOUS if it is yours. You have that right.

    The Bible tells us that God is a jealous God. (He's the only God, too) It also says that what is His no one can take from Him. It didn't say no man, no woman, it says NO ONE, because God is including Satan in that equation. What is God's is God's. He has sealed it. He has placed the Holy Spirit over it, and it will never be taken from God. Now, we do not do ourselves any favors when we walk away from God, or when we turn our backs on Him, but trust me, and you can trust the Word even more of course, that God has sealed us. We are not going to be able to strip His hand from us even if we tried, not after we have been sealed. Not going to happen. Don't do it, that's stupid.

    What is mine? What can I lay claim to? Well, that's an interesting thought isn't it? My dog is mine. It wouldn't matter how many days you spent with her, the second I walked back into the room she would abandon you and follow me. I don't have to worry about it. It is what it is. I am not even jealous of it. Now, if I thought she were apt to run away and cling to another, I may become jealous of that fact. She is mine, I am good to her.  She should realize this fact, shouldn't she? Why would she want to seek attention from someone else? This is (on a much smaller scale) how God must see it when we venture into and onto internet sites about other religions, gods, cultures, etc. When we put into our minds that a little spell here or there can't hurt, it's for love! WHAT ARE WE THINKIING? The God of all, the King of Kings is our only refuge and when we venture, wander, stray, you call it what you want, when we even explore or become curious about something - - this is when He is jealous. He has that perfect right!

    Can you imagine the peace in our souls we would have if we just stopped being so mindless, so thick? We could have nothing but goodness, nothing but glory, only tranquility if we would just stop seeking that which is less. We have it all already! We don't need riches and fame to be complete. We don't need material possessions to know the truth. These things are distractions. We do want them. I want things too. I'm not going to stand here and lie about that. I want to be more or the best I can be. I think what we need (I need) to focus on is how we make that happen, and what lengths we will go to or what we may compromise to get the goals we think we just have to have. Putting first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness comes with a HUGE promise. He said if we do that He will give us the rest. I'm good with that. 

    So, next time someone asks you if you're jealous of this or that, remember the true definition of the word. Maybe you are. Maybe you're not. Maybe you couldn't be jealous if it (whatever it is) wasn't or isn't yours. Maybe you could be if it was. It's just something to think about. Be blessed.

Photo Credit:  www.recapo.com

Raku (A Poem)

 Raku 

 

Choosing to love him was not my choice 

The fire broke everything I believed I controlled 

The air that surrounded me disappeared 

I was left to smother in the coals 

 

Formed, I was. Treated as mere thick clay 

Never giving my consent, only shown the end 

Told, more than asked. I was led, I was worked 

Milled and shaped, pounded even, hardened 

 

Why me God? I beg to know Your mind 

Why should I continue rolling in searing flame 

To become the pot, the vase, the urn? 

Will You use me then? Will I hold? Embrace? 

 

You are the Potter. I am your clay. I know this 

You choose, I listen. You will, I bow 

The prayers, the time, the years, the faith 

I understand You’ve planned, I follow 

 

Until the last pyre I remain incomplete 

Knowing there will be blessings, I agree 

Knowing he needs me to continue  

To lift his soul through the pain of my own firing 

 

You are the Potter. I am your clay. 

My destined colors will forge with time 

Your strength is given in my making  

I am who You have decided to create  

 

If my mission is to pray, I bow my head 

Your command is well within my power 

Power given by the One and accepted in whole 

Raku me. To be the vessel You desire 

 

Jude Stringfellow 

April 9 2022 

Photo Credit: Rbfinearts.com

Walk it Off!

 I've already written a blog today, but I don't mind spinning another. I can do that. I like writing. It's my thing really.  Lately, and I do mean LATELY, my thing has been walking a 10K every day or at least as many days as the weather will let me.  I can't run. I wish I could run, but my knee refuses to cooperate. It doesn't mind boxing, riding, dancing, or even power walking, but it will not allow me to run. I've tried a number of times. The breast have been rather nasty about it as well. Some days I wish I could bind them up so that they are never seen again. I could be as flat as a preadolescent boy and not be upset about it; but the simply fact is, I have big breasts and they remind me of the perils of running. Sad face.

    Walking has always been my go to for summertime weather exercise. I can't say I'm a fair weather walker because I will walk in the wind and light rain, just not when it's pouring outside or when God decides to bless us with lightning. Nope, not gonna see me hoofing it with the bolts all around the sky! I will keep my happy feet inside!  I do often times box, dance, or even just shuffle in place when the weather is bad, and now that I think about it, I can keep my watch on to see if I can pour out a 10K inside the house as well as outside on the pavement. 

    I started the new Spring 2002 Fitness Goals on April 2 and I have successfully walked or shuffled a 10K every day since. This is the 5th, so 4 days in a row. Tonight my little Ginger puppy decided to take the last 2 miles with me. I don't slow down, and I don't stop for her to sniff the grass when I do that. She knows it, I know it, we all know it, and there I am pulling dog, clicking at her to make her move! Neighbors have taken to laugh at us and click back at me when I pass by their unit!  It's our thing now, I guess.  I've been showered with garden hoses, water balloons, even popcorn!! Our geese don't mind the popcorn so there are three neighbors who will stand out by the pond and toss bread at me too. I'm telling you, these crazies are my crazies. I love them. I can't get any one of them to agree to power walk with me. A number of them start out with me on occasion then they fall off after 200-300 steps. My steps range from 22 inches to 39 inches in strides. Just depends on the music I'm blasting in my ears at the time. Could be Steph Macleod, could be .38 Special. Believe it or not Mercy Me can get your heart pumping!

    I clocked 12398 before 8:45 p.m. which is when I come in and rest until the 10:00 p.m. dog letting. I will do another mile when we go back out. I tend to stick closer to my own unit at that hour, but  one or two of my neighbors are always out at that time draining their dogs as well - - it's another thing. We have things. It's rather nice to have a complex with such wonderful weirdoes who don't mind coming out to cheer you on and toss moldy bread at you. I think Big Richard even balls up the bread to try and hit me. I've seen it! (We call him Big Richard because he's the older one, and Little Richard is 41 I think. They're both U.S. Army veterans; we have a few here. We take care of our own, too. 

    I am online now looking at a new pair of Ryka walkers. I think I want a new style for the Spring and Summer walk seasons. I think I need something really edgy and fun.  I only wear Ryka. They feel really good, fit just perfectly, and they are breathable. Gotta have the best for the feeties. Take care of your feet, they take care of you!  I was told that so so many years ago, and I believe it.  I think walking a 10K every day (or dancing, and/or boxing to the same) will burn about 500 calories, which isn't as many as I would want to burn, but it is 3500 a week, and that's a solid pound of fat each week. I could just do that and be 1/2 way to the goal.  I'm also eating well and doing the sort-of-not-really-Keto thing, where I eat less carbs and less sugar, but I'm not killing myself over it.

    We'll see where I am in June when Spring turns to Summer and the Summer 2022 Fitness Goals start.  The Spring 2002 Fitness Goals are to lose 20 pounds and go from a certain size to another certain size. I want to drop 4 jean-sizes. Dresses don't count, the hips count. You can easily squeeze into a smaller dress if it's flowy - - I want to be a perfectly rounded, hard-muscled, tight-ended, show off! Let the pockets tell the story, that's the goal. We'll see if I can make it happen.  If not, I have all summer to keep it going. Fall 2002 Fitness Goals are to maintain, bulk the arms and shred the thighs. I think by my birthday in November I would like to be on the aerial hammock....watch me!

Photo Credit:  Getting Inverted

Mind Your Mind!

 I'm working a temporary position for the week, just waiting for the start of my actual new job. I'm filling in for a claims adjuster who is training other claims adjusters to be claims adjusters. It's a beautiful thing! We need more ethical and well-minded individuals out there observing and investigating the likes of proximate causes for perils! This is something the world needs now, and I'm quite happy to be a part of the process.  I wanted to retain my employment in the insurance business, but I thought the path I was going down would lead me into wealth management perhaps selling insurance products such as variable annuities and such; but I have, as they say, "gone in a different direction".  I am loving every minute of it.

    Today, during the initial start up training, we were asked to watch an 8 minute video about motivation and how motivating oneself is the best way to start the day, to make the plans for the day, to keep one on track, to keep the momentum for the assignment as well as the processes.  I was really impressed by the video's underlying message; it was actually, in my opinion, stronger than the initial message.  The underlying message was (is) about resetting your mind to the point (each time you need to) that you remember to remember what your goals are. You need to (and have the capability to) reset your mind at any given second during the day. You don't have to wait for any particular moment or event to occur. You can reset and fail, reset and fail, reset and fail, over and over again, but the very important part is the fact that you reset and continue to do so in order to reiterate to yourself that you are as confident as you need to be, and you are the one who makes the ultimate choice in your life to be the stronger you.

    People are constantly coming up to me after I give a presentation and saying how they simply can't talk to people in a public manner. I usually end up saying "You're talking to me right now", and they end up stepping back a second to realize that they are doing exactly that. They are speaking to someone publicly that they have never met before! It's not as hard as everyone makes it out to be. Really it's not.  The scary part is when you allow your own mind to reject your message before you share it with others. You may be afraid of their reaction. You may not think you're voice is strong, or that it doesn't sound just right. That is no reason to stop talking and it is no reason to stop sharing your message. It needs to be heard. YOU need to be heard. Your opinions matter. EVEN if your opinion is not accepted by a single other person, you accept it, and it is YOUR opinion. Own it.

    When we absolutely choose to be shunned we are shunned. How does that saying go..."Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you are right."  We are the authors of our own books, the books we create within our heart, mind, and soul. We are the writers, we are the only ones who can erase the passages or add to them. We edit them. We are often apt to set the book down, never to be seen, read, or shared. We are scared to produce. We are afraid of rejection to the point of rejecting ourselves. This is not acceptable to anyone, let alone ourselves, but there we are. Did you know that God Himself has given us the power within ourselves to stand and be heard? It's true. The One who with His own voice created literally everything that is, has given us the power to call up from within our soul, the Holy Spirit, to use as a tool, as a ladder, to climb up to the top and make known whatever the message is that we are suppose to deliver. Make no mistake, if you have breath, you have a message to deliver!

    Our minds are so strong. Our mind is the place where every thought and idea begins. Our minds are the one things no one else can own or claim. They are ours forever and they are unique. Each of us has our own way and we should never be extinguished. We may need correcting. We may need redirecting. We may need education, and we certainly need to be disciplined, but our minds are who we have become and who will remain.  You can't mask a mind. You can stop it, but you can't cover it up. Let your mind light shine! Let you mind light blaze with all of its held and repressed glory. Let your mind light beam so brightly that when others look at you they want to find the wick to burn theirs as well. Be their beacon! You may set a fire that may never be tamed - - such a glorious legacy!

    One really good mind resetting exercise, incase you need one, is to go into your closet where you can be alone and close your doors, close your eyes.  Reach out with your hands and touch, feel the clothes around you, try to describe them using only your touch and memory of what you remember about them. Then dress others in your clothes and have them pretend to be you -- all in your mind - - have them walk like you, talk like you, dance, or ride a bike like you. Have them say what you wish you could say, and what you want to say to them!  Let your mind wander past the clothes and scope out the boxes and other things in the closet. Again, try to use your senses to recreate the mind exercise that will allow personification and animation of these objects...it's your mind. No one has the right to shut it off. Be openly and bluntly honest about your thoughts.  Now, allow yourself to really laugh! You win!

    Our mindset is what keeps us protected from insults.  We have to accept an insult before it can hurt us. If we don't allow it, it simply falls flat.  Remember that.  You are your own best defense against the waves of rejection that may try to harm your level of appreciation for yourself. YOU and only you are the one who can reset that precious brain; and then, do it again!  JUST FOR THE SHEER FUN OF IT. Let your heart race and sing! No one is you -- NO ONE can do for you what you alone can do for you when you set that mind, your mind, to be who you really do want to be. Stop trying to fit into their boxes!  Dance on top of your own!

Photo Credit: EmergingLeader.com

Spring 2022 Goals.

 Today is the first day of the Spring 2022 Fitness Goals for myself. I was going to start yesterday, but it was April Fool's Day and I didn't want anyone to think I was teasing. I did have a good April Fool's Day really. I pretended Jeannie and I were in Edinburgh. It was fun. I had a few people ask me to meet up at this or that cafe. Some of the ones asking me (us) to meet up were no closer to Edinburgh than we were, and it was fun to exchange "photos" we stole offline to keep the jest going. Fun!  Today is April 2, however and all foolery has been set aside.  It is now time to get the butt (quite literally) in gear, so that I can lose the needed weight, tone up the needed belly, lift the needed breasts, and feel the needed fire inside of me again. I have been FAR too lazy over the winter.

    August 3, 2020 was the day I decided to make it a very permanent change in my life to be fit. I have managed to do just that but over the past six or seven weeks I've let a few things go and I'm definitely feeling it. I've gained about seven pounds back and I know where each and every one of them have landed. I'm not happy about it, but it is a good place to start. The best thing for me (maybe not everyone else) is to stretch 10-15 minutes, do the vibration plate for 10-15 minutes while I lift a 10 pound bar or the 15 pound bar and do squats. Then I walk about 2-3 miles a day, that will increase to 5 miles as the summer approaches, and I have a jump rope that looks like King Kong should be using it. Believe me when I say I can literally only do it about two minutes before I fall flat on my face. 

    I did buy (and haven't set it up yet) a 30 foot 1-1/2" thick battle rope.  I have the necessary gear I need to attach it to the fence post outside. I was sort of waiting on that to come in before setting it up, and I was also waiting on the wind to die down, and the rain to stop. If there is no lightning I will continue to work in the rain, but I have to set it up first. I have a loop to put around a particular fence post that stands in front of my daughter's car so I can be somewhat shielded from the viewing eyes of the would be spectators. It's really not that big of a deal, but until I get really good at it and demand an audience, I may want to sort the thing(s) out a bit. I know it will also be a two minute work out until I get the arms in shape and try to build that up a bit as well. Today is the day I do that, perhaps.

    Breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the past few weeks have included carbs. I'm going to have to cut that out as well. I will absolutely miss my bread, but I will also be happier in the end. I will reserve bread for cheat day - - and it will be glorious.  Tomorrow, when I shop for food again, it will be the warrior in me that passes the bread isle and there will be more meat! There will be fat! There will be oil! There will be protein! There will be fruits and veggies. I'm such a huge veggie fan. I have this really cool machine that twists squash and zucchini into little spirals. LOVE IT. When I do that with an apple I put cinnamon and honey over it - - oh, don't get me started. I am really about ready to find that thing, and rinse it off so I can start tomorrow early.

    The goal is 27 pounds and 4 sizes of jeans. I'm not upset with what I am now, but I could be better. I have that little pouchy thing sticking out over my waistband again, and that is NOT acceptable to me. For about a year I've been able to say I was nearly flat bellied, then WINTER happened, and I was studying to take the Series 66 exam, so I didn't work out, I ate terribly, and I just let it go so I could focus. Now, starting Monday, which is in two days, I will work full time from home, which will give me plenty of ME time to do the stretching before work, the walking at lunch time, the vibration plate on my break, and the boxing and dancing - - which were not mentioned before, in the evening. I don't watch TV so there's no worries of me missing a show. I can catch a re-run online if I need to. I think the TV comes on fifteen times a year and thirteen of those are when I'm watching OU football and once or twice maybe when the tornadoes are about to touch down near my house!

    In Oklahoma we have four seasons like anyone else. We have Hot, Cold, Football, and Tornado seasons. They aren't always scheduled on a rotating calendar. We have had all four seasons in one day. No worries, we can pray, we can also sit in a closet and watch the game if we need to. Some folks have rooms and basements for that sort of thing. I have a little coat closet. God knows where I am. Back to the Fitness Goals...I do get distracted from time to time, and that happens when I'm working out as well. I can have a nasty thought of seeing myself going to Braum's for an ice cream sundae right in the middle of a power walk! I have been known to just throw caution to the wind and scratch that itch too. It doesn't do much for the scores and tallies for the goal, but it does make sense if you live in this part of the world. Braum's is a staple really - - it's there to keep you humble.

    I have a YMCA right across the street from me, and last week or so I rejoined it. Then about two days later I remembered why I don't go there, and I canceled my membership. I won't wait on a machine. I just won't do it. I went into the gym again and there were too many folks standing around talking while standing or sitting on the machines I wanted to use. Rather than being rude and saying "Ya'll need to move or start working out", I decided to do the easy thing and leave. They can keep it. I'm OK with the power walking, the lifting, the boxing, the dancing, the diet, and yeah, the 100+ ounces of lemon water as well as 50+ ounces of green tea. I do pee a lot, not gonna lie about that. It's a great feeling though because I know I'm killing off parasites and bringing about a really good balance of good bacteria with the probiotics I take. Did I mention that every night (mostly) I drink about 10 ounces of cucumber juice with an apple and either carrots or cinnamon? DANG...it's great. I do that just before I go to bed. This fat doesn't have a chance really. It's going to come off and it's going to stay off.

    That's it. I'm about to take a shower after walking the first 2 miles today. I walk about 1998 steps in one mile, my stride is literally 29.9" and I average 3.2 mph. It takes me a while to get the miles packed away, but I break it up when I can and do two sets a day. The evening can find me either catching up whatever I need to make my 5 miles, or I'll blow past it if the weather is good and I have nothing else to do. I don't use the Strava app such as my good friend Tex Newington uses. Nope, when you wear a watch that tells the app exactly where you live, that could be an issue for other complex dwellers. I just walk in circles basically anyway - - I may stray off to the parking lots of the medical buildings from time to time, but that's about it.  I could use a few mountains, hills, even parks to look at, but nope, just the little lake, geese, dirt, and smiling faces of my crazy neighbors who take to sitting on their patios and porches to cheer me on every day!  I'm so happy to be their cheap entertainment! 

Photo Credit: Ryka.com

Moving Plans.

 I've been planning to move for quite some time now. First, I was planning to move to Scotland, but the company I was going to work for decided not to start up due to C19 issues.  I get that. It would have been really something, but it didn't work out, and that's all good. God has a plan. Now, I'm planning on getting my own apartment for 6 months and then maybe saving to get a small condo (we don't sell apartments in this state. You can buy an apartment like building or "flat" but it's really a condominium.)  Right now the market is such that the sellers are asking way too much, and the buyers are refusing to buy. We never go above asking price here, but there seems to be a trend among the younger set to make that happen so they can out bid someone who has agreed to pay the asking price. I'm not playing that game.

    For me, just making my plans is good, and it's fun, and it keeps my mind occupied. I live in a great complex now; one I've lived in several times throughout my life. If there is an available unit in a month or so I'll likely just do that, and call it done. We only have one and two bedroom units here. There is a 2 or 3 year waiting list for the two bedrooms and you have to live here to be on that list.  It's really not even a prestigious sort of place; but we have our standards.  I lie and tease and say I've lived her over a 100 years, and that the others have been here longer. We have a substantial amount of older tenants. People will literally die in their unit before moving out - - that should tell you something. We do love it here.

    For the past 18 years or so we've had the same landlord and the same maintenance man. We have a second maintenance man, but he's only been here 6 years, so he's still being broken in and we still call him the new guy. He has a name; we all know it, but we call him the new guy.  The long standing maintenance man is like an uncle to my kids which makes him like a brother to me. He'll tell you straight up what he thinks and doesn't care if he offends you in doing so. He's not necessarily rude, but back in the day I could and would come home from work and he'd be in my apartment drinking my milk, watching my TV, and loving on my animals. He said he was going to charge me for babysitting. That's the type of place we live at, and it really is a good family feel.  

    My new place will be so clean. I look around my apartment now, the one I share with my daughter, and I shake my head. I don't like this way! I don't have things laying about on the floor. I may have books out of their shelves and sitting on tables, but not dishes, not clothes, not horse tack, and more. I decided to cut bait and get out before I go completely mad. I don't have the least bit of OCD, but I just can't stand to be in a cluttered place either. To me, if you don't need it, if you don't use it, you should give it away, sell it, throw it away, or store it. I could never understand people who will fill up a 10x10 storage unit with boxes and never see what they have stored, but they sure pay the $$$ every month to keep it there. If you don't use it, get rid of it! (that's me, it may not be you)

    So, over the weekend I decided to run up to Home Depot, At Home, Target, Hobby Lobby, and Michaels. I went play-shopping and pretending. I decorated my entire new fake apartment and I pretended to buy furniture, sheets, comforters, curtains, lamps, and I even bought new pots and pans. I want everything in the new place to be fresh, new, mine, and without a history really. I may take one or two art pieces that I have now because my daughter Caity made them, but that's about it. I'll supply her with more canvasses and paint and let her have at it - - I need to fill up a wall or two. No one else will have pieces like mine, and I'll be happy - - win win.

    I've also decided on buying a love seat rather than a full sized couch. I am getting a Papasan chair with a really nice cushion, and I won't let anyone spend the night with me or stay over. (I say that, but I know I would let a certain few stay.) I don't want my kid coming back and trying to move in with me. I want to be on my own. I have wanted to be on my own for over 7 years now. It's MY TURN thank you very much!  I want the food I want, the clothes I want, the towels, dishes, carpet cleaner, soap, and shampoo that I want. I don't want to go into my bathroom and see two towels hanging up. I don't want to see her shampoo, her conditioner, her makeup, her toiletries, and such. I want it all to be MINE.

    While I love this place, one thing I don't love about it is, they don't replace carpet, replace kitchen shelves, even appliances if they can be "fixed" or "cleaned" to work better. We've lived her 7 years now, and the carpet wasn't new then. They won't replace it unless and until all of the furniture is off of it and that can't really happen very easily, so when I do move I will demand new carpet and I will also demand that they replace Laura's as well. We'll move things off at that time. She deserves that. The cabinets in my unit now are so old and in need of simple repair. I could do some of it, but why should I? I rent. The counter tops are original from the 70s and they most assuredly need to be replaced. When I do move I will INSIST that they replace the counter tops or I may have to seek other arrangements. I just don't feel like being all that nice about it anymore. Gone are the days that I agree to compromise my comfort if I'm paying for it.

    One of the best feelings about planning the move is knowing that I won't have to put up with my little girl cackling and carrying on as loudly as she does when she's on her game. I work from home. She works from home too, but we both do tend to get on each other's last nerve with things we do. I constantly interrupt her and she constantly scream/laughs to the point that my clients ask where I am and if I'm safe! I do laugh. More and more of us work from home these days, but it does rather annoy me that I have to have my office in my bedroom because I don't have space to put it out in the dining area where it should be. I don't keep it there because there isn't a door that separates that space from the hall and her door is always open and she'd be cackling even louder at that point. NOPE.

    I love the stuffings out of that woman, but she is a grown woman, and she needs to be on her own! She really hasn't ever been on her own and that's something she must learn to do.  She was at home until she was 18 or so, then lived with friends, sister, cousin, even her brother for a while. She's never been forced to budget, plan meals, pay all of the bills, or be fully responsible. It's damn time. She knows it, I know it, we all know it, and so the plans are in place. We've made these plans before and then C19 hit. We've made these plans after that and she lost her job or I lost my job due to another issue with C19. It's done, it's over, it's time. I am leaving and I won't look back - - except to visit, play with her cats, and have dinner now and again with the brat. I will likely live across the hall or the breezeway, it's not like she couldn't stalk me. She will stalk me. I know she will.

    The bottom line is, I am about to move and it feels so very wonderful to be able to get out on my own and be on my own. I don't have to call out "I'm going to Home Depot" or "Going to Braum's do you want anything?"  You can't go to Braum's Ice Cream and Dairy Store and not ask that question. You can, but in Oklahoma it's considered a misdemeanor.   I won't have to step over her cats. I won't want have to kick the cat water dish in the hall. I won't step over horse tack. I won't go around closing the cabinets that the cats open. I won't sit on an animal that is hiding in my chair. I won't open the refrigerator door looking for my food only to realize it's been eaten. We have a HUGE rule in our house about that. If you take the last thing you let people know, and you write it on the grocery list. She really can't seem to remember to do this very often. 

    It's happening. Hopefully it's happening in May. I don't want to wait until June, but I do want a downstairs unit and I do want one on this side of the complex, so it may be a minute.  Did I mention her skinks, geckos, snakes and rats? Yeah, I don't have to remember to leave the cats outside the door when I leave; she's just simply going to miss me when I'm gone and I will likely, from time to time, miss her too. That's why God made cell phones and Facetime.

Fat Sammy.