Jude Stringfellow's Blog, page 81

I'm Good. Thank you.

 I feel like posting or pinning a statement on my Instagram that reads "Yeah, no, I'm fine. I don't need or want to date you. I realize you're just phishing for someone out there who will listen to your bullsh*t, but that someone isn't me!  Have a great and blessed day. I'm not only out of the market, I never stepped into it. Not shopping for a man! THANKS!"  Lately, maybe the past 2 years really, almost on a daily basis, I receive a request to chat from some lonely man online (Instagram). First, they're asking me to move over to WhatsApp so we can chat. I typically block or ignore the man, but it does make me question their abilities to both read and comprehend what part of "NO" was so damned confusing.

    I'm good. Thank you. I don't need or want to date.  I have my own place, my own car, my bank account is positive. I have a dog that loves me. If I want to go out and celebrate or just hang out I have three really adorable children, and two of them have plus-ones that can join in on the whole fun thing. I have friends I chillax with. Since I don't drink I don't go to bars. Since I don't want to hang out with anyone who may have future plans with me; I don't respond. I'm really not being rude, mean, nasty, or purposely aloof. I've stated it a number of times, and if anyone who REALLY wanted to "get to know me" could be so kind as to read the 3000+ Instagram posts, they may realize pretty soon that I'm probably (most likely anyway) not the type of gal they want to call their own. I'm absolutely stubborn, opinionated, strong-willed, thick-skulled, and independent.  I'm an intelligent and educated woman, and sometimes I speak (no wait, I always speak) my mind. I'm not even going to apologize for it. It was what I thought. Why lie?

    Recently, a man who I have been speaking with because we're friends in real life, told me that he can see why I'm not married. He had advice for me. I thought about blocking him but he was sitting in front of me. I thought about walking away but I drove, and that would leave him stranded. I don't do that. I thought about simply saying "No, really, I'm good. Thank you. I don't care why you think I'm single. I'm single because I don't want to be otherwise."  He ignored my silence and my stare. He went on to tell me, as if I was interested or would be interested, that he believed I was single because I am one of the most hard-headed, obstinate, blunt women who seemingly doesn't need a man for anything other than to open a jar now and again. OK, he may actually be onto something, so I listened. "Go on", I urged him. "I'm listening".  You see, it's not that I think I'm all-that, or so great that all these single dads (usually military or surgeons on Instagram) would want me. I just know a scam when I see it. 

    He said I was a good woman. I was both a Christian and I had my head in the game when it came to knowing what I needed financially. These are things that attract people he told me. He told me that because I was trying to stay in shape and eating correctly, taking the right supplements, talking about better health online and showing photos of my food intake that I was literally begging men to write to me so I would in fact feed them as well, and maybe work out with them, go for a jog, or a walk on that long stretch of beach that people are so apt to talk about when they describe their perfect dating scenarios.  I gushed..."Oh, OK, thanks...I guess", was my answer. Note to self: men want a woman who can bend over without falling and they want her to cook. Check. 

    I asked him why he was still hanging out with me since he knew I wasn't ever going to take him up on going out on a "real date" or allow him to buy my dinner.  He said I was an interesting subject to observe, and to watch and listen to. He said he could absolutely count on me to tell the truth, not to sugar-coat anything, and if I wanted to pay for his dinner he knew all he had to do was ask.  Such a guy!  I let him know I needed to get back to my studying of the Series 66, so we should probably head back to the parking lot where he left his car.  He smiled. 

       It's not that I'm anti-men, no, not at all. I love men. Some men are so amazingly brilliant and captivating that I could literally stare and watch them all day. I read about men, research them, study them, observe them, I even dream and fantasize about them, but I just don't want one at this time. Maybe that will change, but there's no chance in Hell or Hades that I'll change a tittle of my personality or who I am, so that guy better damn well be the ONE; and I'll know he is if and when God says so, not me. I won't make that mistake again. I learn from my past. I don't make the same mistake twice. I'll remain happily and forever single before I settle, compromise, put up with, or deal with someone who just isn't the ONE. Tall order? Well, maybe, six-feet or so is fine.  LOL...sorry, couldn't resist.

    When do we know there's a ONE? We don't. We hope, we think, we plan, we imagine, but we can't know. That's where God comes in and makes the choice. If God doesn't tell him and me that he's the ONE...he's not the ONE. If God tells him and not me, you can bet your ass that man is being blocked, ignored, shunned, and never addressed again as long as there is a Sunday on the calendar. If he is the ONE, God will let him know, and God will let me know.  The same goes for God telling me. If God tells me that this guy is the ONE then He will also tell the guy  -- I won't approach. I won't tell him what I think. I won't tell him what I think I think. I won't even hint at it, because if he's the ONE he'll tell me and I will have already been told. I will follow him. WHY? Why would I just do that? Because a woman is supposed to do that for the ONE; but only the ONE. 

    I'm good. Thank you. I don't need one right now, but if there is ONE God will dress him all up and present him in such a way that I will have no doubt and when or if he approaches me to let me know he's the ONE...I will have already been told. That hasn't happened; but my heart and soul are open to God should HE decide I need to respond. Don't hold your breath. I'm likely to be single a bit longer, and really, that's OK. I can keep myself busy with all the plans, dreams, schemes and decisions I make. In some ways I feel sorry for the guy who God pulls aside and says "There's your wife, you're welcome."  He's either really screwed up to the point that God is cursing him, or he's been really deeply in need of a loving, kind hearted, gentle natured woman who loves unconditionally and whole-heartedly. We'll see. For now, I'm good. 

Photo Credit: Lady with a Truck

No Regrets.

 My best friend came over this evening to make sure that I wasn't growing an extra foot out of my skull because I decided to finally (break down) and get the first of two jabs of the stupid crummy idiotic, non-working-anyway vaccine.  She's the type who was OK with standing in line the first week they rolled the vaccines out; I'm the type who went in kicking and screaming only after losing my third or fourth really exceptionally good job offer due to the fact that I hadn't been vaccinated. I won't go into the whole rant because I did that in another recent blog. This blog is about having no regrets. I'm trying to talk myself into that right now. I'm trying to convince myself that what I do and what I did are for the greater good and I should have no true regrets. We'll wait a minute and see if I really feel that way or not. Right now I'm in the infant stages of compressed confusion mixed in with pissy attitude. (Mine, not anyone else)

    My friend (we'll call her "Jeannie") said to me, "You know, I've noticed that you will write whatever you want to, you'll say whatever you think you need to say, and you really don't have any regrets about it." She went on to add, "I mean, you've been fired over it. You've been terminated, let go, thrown to the wolves really."  I stopped her to let her know that yes, she spoke the truth, and no I wasn't really concerned about being the odd one out; I'm usually the odd one out because many others (including her) don't have the gonads to say what they need to say, want to say, or must say. People don't want to offend and they don't want to get in trouble so they shut their mouths. That can lead to just as much if not more trouble in the long run! I've learned that the hard way, and that's when I do regret. If I don't say something and I don't do something and it ends up hurting me or someone else because I was being politically correct or obedient...yeah, that is regrettable for sure! 

    Last month I wrote to a man who I truly have a heart for. I can't say I love him because I don't know him. I have a love for him. I have a Christian based, God-given, human type of love for him, and I saw and understood him to be compromising not only his own reputation by the way he was behaving, but also saw that he was mocking OUR Jesus by what he was posting. This is a good man. This is a good solid Christian brother, and I wasn't about to just sit over on this side of the world and let him get away with it. I let him have it with both barrels. I wasn't nice. I wasn't kind. I wasn't gentle or soft. No, I just told the man straight out how it was that he was acting and the damage he was doing to his soul and witness.  When I told (and showed) Jeannie what it was that I said to the man (email) she was dumbfounded. She struck a stare at me and gasped...."You sent that? I mean, you really sent that to him?" I said I did. She said, "Oh, and you know girl, I know you don't have any regrets about it because you believe you're right, but you may have really hurt him."  I think I answered something like "I don't have any regrets and my words would have been easier for him in writing than what I would have said to his face."  No, I don't regret what I said, but maybe how he may have taken it. I do think about that.

    I'm not always right. I know this. I was however right this time. I won't back down.  I don't have the right to tell him how to live his life, but when a brother in Christ did what he did, God Himself gives us a command to rebuke him in Jesus' name, and that's what I did. I know it sounds really weird, but I hope that someone would do the same or more to me (for me) if I ever do something similar. I do, I do, I do....because you talk about regret! I would REGRET it if I dragged the name of our Lord or the work of our Father through the mud just to impress another man, woman, friend, co-worker, you can't begin to know my pain or sorrow if I was allowed to get away with that. PLEASE stop me if you see me do it. No, I don't regret having scolded my friend in Jesus, I don't. He blocked me from Instagram, and that's understandable, I survived -- and opened another account. C'mon, it's 2022 -- I giggled but yeah, no regrets.

    Then, about a day or so later one of his friends contacted me. I won't say who it was; don't ask. The man told me that my words had struck a chord so deep as to send my friend into the stratosphere with anger over me thinking I had any right whatsoever to judge him - - his words. Well, the mutual friend then said when he (the mutual friend) confirmed my actions were both Biblical and within my Christian commanded rights to do, the man I scolded gave his friend the same stare my friend Jeannie gave me. Disbelief, even confusion. When our mutual friend explained it, to the point that he both understood and accepted it, I was told that he is still not going to allow me on Instagram, but he can see where his actions were actually rather foolish.  He took down the posts. He took down the comments. He didn't exactly apologize to everyone or to God, but he did say he was having a moment and was going to need a minute to regroup and rethink a few things. He may not post for a while so he could meditate and think about his reasons for having been so Earthly rather than Heavenly. It's hard folks. It's hard to keep our eyes on the prize constantly. We all fall short - - every one of us. That's why we're called upon to uplift one another, keep tabs on one another, encourage one another. We can't let fear of not being "Facebook Friends" or "Liked" be an issue. We're called by GOD. We're given commands. We're shown the right way - - no regrets.  Lift, encourage, strengthen. 

    How does that song go? "Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on. For, it won't be long til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on."  True words for sure, and I can't very well be weak in the words and then turn around and expect to be strong in the heart. I must be who God made me, and that's a voice to cry out for Him when addressed or told to do so. If I shutter or stumble on that I am not a good steward. I have failed the one person I was supposed to correct. Again, I beg you to correct me. I want to be corrected. How regrettable it would be if we stayed in our sin, or if we continued in our folly only to make a mockery of our lives and witness.  No, I don't have regrets when I speak, it's when I am silent that I begin to question myself. I guarantee you a number of my students would say they regret me getting onto them, but I can assure you I probably didn't discipline or correct the ones I didn't care about - - only the ones worth shaping. 

Love is strong. Deceit is sweet.  If you are my friend, if I love you, I will help you. 

PHOTO CREDIT:  Just Love Pictures

    

    

My Body My Choice - Bullsh*t!

 It's absolutely no secret to anyone who knows me that I am not a proponent of the COVID-19 vaccine. I don't care which manufacturer puts it out, I am not  fan. I am not a fan because it is not a vaccine. It dilutes the true essence of trust in our medical community, in our research teams, when they put out a liquid that they purport to be a true and genuine vaccine, when it is not.  First of all, are they all the same? No. They are not. The recipe, if you will, for the different companies vary and why is that? Do they challenge one another to say their vaccine will last longer, work better, have less side effects? No. They were just set free to develop the "cure" and came up with their own potions (they used to call that "snake oil") and they were quick to make it happen so they would receive the almighty coveted support through governmental contracts. Follow the money. We aren't stupid.

    What happened to the liberals chant "My body my choice" when it came to their position on abortion? Can't the other side (or anyone) claim the same for the jab? Apparently not.  With over 350,000,000 people in the United States it's hard to narrow down a reason or a justification really; everyone has their own opinion. You have those people who openly trust whatever they're told on the news or whatever their doctors say, even if they KNOW the doctor is being paid a substantial kickback for pumping the poison. These people do not care, and they'll flat out say they don't. If the doctor says to do it, they're going to do it. I suppose I'd like to meet these types when it comes to financial planning. I could tell each one of them what I wanted them to invest in, that way I was paid what I thought I needed, right? No, it's unethical, and it's not the least bit prudent! Where is the accountability? No one cares about that.

    There are others who will question the word of any and all authority; believing in conspiracy theories, or just simply not being ready to adhere. Maybe these types want to sit back and watch to see what if anything could or would happen to another person they know if they took the jab...then the next one, then the next one, then...you get the picture.  We should be able to stand our ground and say "My body my choice" in this matter too; but recently it has become increasingly difficult for me personally, to even be interviewed for a good financial planning position because I'm not vaccinated. Most of the positions SAY they have the policy in place which accepts exemptions for religious reasons (which is my personal reason) but they refuse to actually adhere to that policy.  I will get the form letter in my inbox stating that I was not chosen; they are not moving forward with my candidacy, and you KNOW they don't give a reason. I know the reason.

    Today, after having been interviewed four times by one company, and having moved up the candidacy ladder to the point of being offered the position, I was offered the position IF and ONLY IF I could prove my vaccination status. When I mentioned the exemption, (federal law, mind you) I was told I would not be allowed into the office without verification of the actual vaccine. What if I couldn't have the vaccine due to medical condition(s) and/or a disability? I asked. I was told "At this time we are not accepting new employees without verification of full vaccination."  I asked again, I specifically asked "WHAT ABOUT THE FEDERAL LAW prohibiting you from even SAYING THAT?"  The Human Resource manager (yes, I have her name) simply repeated the stagnant phrase. She did so without emotion, and she did so knowing I would be upset.  She followed up with, "If you take opposition to the policy of our company you will need to contact our legal department in our home office."

       What I want to know is, why should I be forced to be jabbed when the laws protect me? Why am I the one who has to foot the bill for a lawsuit when the company is huge and has corporate attorneys who I know I can't fight?  Why can't people have a choice? Why can't we agree to disagree and move forward? It's wrong, it's manipulative, it's unethical, and it's illegal, but here I am having to go get a jab and then again get the 2nd one in a few weeks so I can get hired and work, earn money, pay my bills, be a responsible community member, and uphold my end of the right to pursue happiness and justice.  (Was that a question or a statement?) I think the thing is, there's no way to prove the issue to all of us. We are either against it or for it, and no manner of "science" will be believed on either side unless and until there are blind-blind testing done by those who have NO AGENDA.  We need that. We need actual proof! What we have is a politically charged fight and a huge ugly mess, and frankly, I'm just sick of it.

    The issue has torn too many families apart. The issue has created hostility in our communities, within employer/employee relations, even with other employees. I was literally released from another job in 2021 because I refused to be vaccinated, and then the bastards tried to ask me to come back for less pay. To them a non-vaccinated person was worth less money! Did I somehow lose my educational status, or my experience? This is just too out there - - no accountability. Whatever the boss says, whatever the owners say, whatever the one paying the salary says, that's their mentality. Forget that it could literally kill someone who was not supposed to have the vaccine! If a person can choose to have one medical procedure they should be allowed to voice their objection to another if there is not true true true evidence to the contrary; and there is not.

    Well, I'll blog and I'll voice my opinion, and my opinion is this: if you want the vaccine, get the vaccine. If you don't want it, don't get it. No one has the right to ask if you have had a chicken pox vaccine, or a flu shot? More people die of the flu than C19 anyway! It's just gotten out of hand and I'm too damn tired of the fighting. I need to pay my bills too, and I'm not worth less because I feel the way I feel. Yes, this is a rant, but you know what? You have the right to rant too if you want to. I just don't think the Golden Rule states that "Those who have the gold make the rules"  It doesn't work that way. Jesus knows. This too is Biblical. In the last days the entire world would be (is now) fixated and deceived by a "pharmakia"  yeah, we are. Glory to God, and Maranatha. 

    Now for the funny part; the part that proves that everything I said is true.  I went to CVS, Walgreens, Target, and an independent pharmacy to ask the same questions. I asked (1) because I had Covid 19 in 2019, my doctors say I shouldn't get the vaccine, it could harm me. What should I do? I also asked (2) is there one vaccine preferred over the other? Does one have less side effects? My third question was (3) have you been vaccinated and be honest, do you think it works?  The answers were about the same; which surprised me. There were four different pharmacists at these four different stores.  They all say the Pfizer vaccine is both less effective and has less side effects. They all said they were vaccinated by force, or they would have lost their jobs. They all said if they had a choice they would have said no, but one did say she had a doctor's exemption and it wasn't accepted, so she was obligated to get it. Then here's the one that loved the most; one said it doesn't work at all. Two said it could work but there is no evidence, and the last said (and I quote) "I'm told it does, and I'm told to say it does."  There you go.

PHOTO CREDIT:  www.wibc.com

Reset.

 Sometimes you just need to reset.  I do wish I had a download or upload capacity so that I could just plug into the Matrix and learn what it is that I have (or need) to learn. Then again, I'm perfectly happy with doing the whole student-study thing too. If I could make a living off of studying you'd see me doing exactly that. I love, I mean LOVE, to learn. I'm 100% behind supporting all sorts of educational programs and just stuff that really couldn't be less useful, but if someone (me) wants to learn it (Gaelic) I think I should have the right to do so; and I do. Thank you Jesus, I have that right. (Don't ask me to speak Scottish Gaelic, I really suck at it. I am having a great time learning it though.)

    So here I was, as I usually am, just minding my own business, and I was studying for the FINRA Series 66 test, which is actually a NASAA test.  NASAA is short for North American Securities Administrators Association. Each state in the country, and in some parts of Canada, have an Administrator who tells all of us what to do, when to do it, how to do it, and if we'll even end up doing it. We are quite literally at the mercy of the state Administrator in many respects.  The test I'm studying for is called the Series 66 test, and it is a dominant test really, comprised of the equivalent of two other tests; the Series 63 and the Series 65. If you have the Series 66 under your belt, you can do far more than you could with either the 63 or 65. I'm super excited about it, but here's the deal: I was studying, thinking I was at the end of the material so I could take my exam this weekend and I just realized (through absolute accident) that I had only completed 48% of the material. WHAT? How is that even possible?

    I put hours and hours, weeks into this study program. I woke up, walked the dog, had my coffee, wrote in my journal and then like clockwork, I headed off to the computer and studied. I went through the PassPerfect material. I did the online tests. I watched YouTubes with Dean Tinney (Thank you, Dean) and I did so many Quizlet flashcards on the subject, that my eyeballs are crossed. I dream about Securities! I thought I was READY!  I passed the mock exams with at least a 75% and  you only have to have a 73% on the real exam. Since I had consistently marked 75-78% (and yes, I made a 90 on one) I thought OK, I'm good! NO...NO...I am not good. I hit the NEXT button on PassPerfect to get my final results and they told me I had completed the first half of the material. I WAS GOBSMACKED and then I was upset, then I was confused, then I was nervous, then I was just plain pissed off. (for my UK friends that means I was mad, not drunk)

    Since my test was actually scheduled for Saturday, and this is Thursday, I decided to reschedule. You know, reset, and start the process over to a degree. NOPE. That didn't happen. The rules for the FINRA tests are different from others, I wasn't allowed to reschedule. I could either take the test and blow it and not be allowed to take it again for 30 days, or I could cancel the test, lose the $177, and repay the $177, and schedule it for 3 weeks down the road. You may ask what's the difference? The difference is if you pass it you pass it, but if you fail it you have that hanging over your head and you can't say you passed it the first go. You can't say you passed it if you failed it. I don't like failing. I would rather lose the money and reschedule on my terms! (Besides, 3 weeks sounds better than 30 days, and I was able to schedule it on my son's birthday. I feel pretty good about that.)

    If you fail the exam you can take it again in 30 days. But, you have to schedule it after the 30 days so it could be 45-60 days. I didn't want to wait that long, and as I said, I don't want to say I failed. I can retreat and/or regroup, that's inside me, but to say I failed just rips my soul.  I am a rather stubborn and proud woman, I suppose.  So the bottom line is that I did not read the full set of instructions (then again, I didn't know I had longer instructions to read) and I wasn't ready for the exam.  I did this the first time I sat for the SIE as well, but having no other option, I took the test and failed it beyond failure. I was just a mess and really hated myself when I got to the test and realized I did not know the answer to at least half of the 85 questions. The Series 66 has 110 questions. You have to have a 73 and I want that 73! I refuse to fail again; not if I can help it. I can reset. That is not a problem.

    Tonight I breathe. I take a hot bath, I meditate, I may even sit in the prayer closet and just let Jesus know that I'm OK and He's OK, and we're going to make this a good next few weeks so that I can attack this exam from a true position of preparedness. I owe it to myself to be the best I can be, and when I fail I fail myself. I can't live with myself when I do that. If you can, more power to you, but I need to be more in control of my own destiny. I hated to find out the way I found out. I would loved to have known a few days ago, but it is what it is. Money is money, and I don't like to use it, but God saw to it this week that I earned a bit more than I do normally - - and now I know why. It's always amazing to me to see and know that God has it all under His plan and His control. I learned something, and I was able to withstand the blow due to the fact that He had my back! 

    Reset. Redo. Rewind. Relax.  

Photo Credit: Grace Life International

Story Time!

 Everyone loves a good story, right? I am no exception, but what I am (as far as exceptions go) is someone who will openly (and honestly, thank you) admit to being that person you know who talks to themselves. I do. I am the one who will not shy from it. I will not make excuses and I will not deny it. I am forever and constantly talking to myself, telling myself sometimes the best damn stories out in this big green world. I can come up with some real doosies. Dang...I can entertain myself from the moment my eyes open to the second I fall asleep praying. I don't mind being blunt about this because I am just so damn good at it.

    Most of the time when I reach outside someone else's comfort zone, I'll quickly stir the pot by asking them if they talk to themselves and if they do, if they answer themselves as well.  It's not something the average bear asks, and it's not something the other average bear admits to (readily) anyway. Nine times out of 9.5 times they say no. I think I see them shift just a little, and they either cross their arms across their chest in an attempt to somehow protect themselves should I pursue the matter (I generally do) and they may sort of walk away from me. That's when I know the truth. That's when I know I have them....on the hook!

    Everyone loves to hear a story, and most of us have one to tell. I just like to make up new ones as often as possible, and let the day's events add to the fiction. I pretend (mostly silently in my head) and I create reasons to open my eyes a bit wider, my ears may prick a bit, and I could see something inside of something that wasn't there to begin with, but if it had been there it would sure add a bit of welcomed flavor to the overall tale of the day! I might start off with pretending I found a baby in the dumpster; cute little thing, and then start trying to sort out where he came from, who dropped him off rather than taking him to the hospital, it's just right there! I live about 1000 feet from a very large hospital complex. Was the baby born there? Was the mom OK, was the baby stolen? Too many questions. I need answers. The day begins and as it unfolds I create something really awesome with at least six or seven villains and super hero types along the way. If a speeding car goes down the street I imagine the person who stole the baby is driving that car, where are they going? 

    Anyway, that's the truth of it, and the fact that I can keep myself fully occupied is really a good thing because it adds to the events of what could have been a mundane Monday or a weak little Wednesday afternoon without a single breeze to carry my imagination into the stratosphere. I need the lift. I need the air! I want to fly and my brain has no limits with either how that happens or where I can end up after a few minutes of pondering. To be honest, I think I take creative license a bit far at times but whose to say if that's illegal or not; I'm the one footin' the bill on this one. I make it, or I burn it. I don't have to keep the wheels turning I can stop them at most anytime if I wanted to....but do I want to? Why would I want to? Oh, I remember...I have to pay my bills! LOL  I can't always be a writer. Sometimes I have to spin straw into gold.

    Anyway, that's my thing today. I thought I would answer that one burning question that you may or may not be wondering about me. Am I nutters? Nope. Just creative and fancy free. I don't have to be grounded in reality too long. I can pop off into a really great fantasy at any moment, and if I feel like I need someone to go along with me, you know I'm asking my husband and lover Naked Bearded Man to join me. Sometimes I even wonder if he'll be put that kilt on or just continue to swing it around while laughing and saying something in his deep and ever so breathtakingly sexy Gaelic; that man can bring me to my knees - - he's just so wonderfully Scottish. I mean, he's so damn Scottish the Scottish wish they could be him - - he's both rough and tumble as well as sensitive and protective. I'd love to take him more places, but without a stitch of clothes he could end up thrilling someone! He'd just bust a gut laughing if he did. There are moments I wish I could understand him, but he speaks so quickly and uses words I know aren't really even supposed to sound as if they are part of the Queen's English; rebel that one. 

    What about you? Can you admit you keep yourself company? Will you allow your inner speak to come out and play? I bet you could wield a pretty interesting story if you thought about it. Most can. I hope you'll not be like so many and shy from the challenge -- whenever I'm caught talking to myself I don't play it off as some do. I don't pretend to be singing under my breath, nope, I just look the asker in the eyes and continue my conversation as if I were never interrupted -- why lie? I giggle, and I move forward - - always forward. Always smiling. 

Photo Credit: WTWP.com

When I Found Jesus

 

"When I Found Jesus"

 I almost didn't write this blog even though it has been on my heart for just about two years now. I didn't want to write it out of fear that the author, singer, songwriter of the title song "When I Found Jesus", (Steph Macleod of Scotland) would either be upset with me for using his song as a backdrop for my story or that he would think I was making a comparison of our two very different lives; maybe thinking I was thinking that mine was better - - that's when it hit me that I had to write the blog! Our stories are so very different, and his story is so gracious, so sorrowful, so rewarding, and uplifting, where mine (if you think about it) is sweet, kind, quaint, and endearing.  The truth is, Steph actually found Jesus. I was (and am) one of the extreme blessed, who can say I was born into a Christian home, born to Christian parents, who were born to Christian parents, who were born to Christian parents - - I tell people I was born on a Wednesday and in church on Sunday, and that is not a lie. My mom was probably forgiven by the dutiful ladies in the basement kitchen of the 40th Street Baptist Church that Wednesday evening (November 22, 1961), for not showing up to make potato salad or deviled eggs for the weekly prayer supper. 

Steph's mournful song "When I Found Jesus" can be found on his new EP "O Perfect Father" and can be purchased on his website at www.stephmacleod.com.  In the song, he goes through a few phases of when he found Christ. First, he found Jesus when he was down and out, living on the streets of Edinburgh, and the lyrics literally say Jesus was standing over him. In other songs about his addiction and recovery, Steph admits to being on the streets, living rough, and being sick in the gutters; he was living proof if just barely living, that Jesus will, in fact, find us at our lowest and He is willing to stand over us both to protect us from ourselves and from others who may harm us when we are vulnerable. In the second phase in the song about how Steph found Jesus, Steph says Jesus was walking next to him. Jesus was helping him recover, helping him to find the way to live upright, not alone.  Thirdly, the last phase, Steph says that Jesus was "heavy on my heart", Jesus gave him words to pray, words to share, and Steph both believed and received the love of Jesus - - freely.

My story is so unremarkable by contrast. It couldn't be more different, but it is nevertheless as fulfilling and for it I am grateful. Grateful that I didn't fall down sick in the streets, but was raised by loving parents who remained married until the day my daddy died; by grandparents who also remained together living proof that love sacrifices and fights for what we believe is good.  I was five years old, almost six, and when I found Jesus He was playing in the sandbox with me. He was leaning over and picking me up after I had jumped off the balcony of the church again -- He was swimming next to me in the pond, climbing the fence with me to go ride a horse I didn't know, but was behind the church, so it had to be OK, right? Jesus always walked with me, He was always in my heart. He was always giving to me so I could receive, and I couldn't help but believe because it was all around me all the time, and in everything breath I took since the first breath that I drew - - and then I am reminded that I was born without breath. I was pronounced dead before I was pronounced living.  They didn't have Apgar scores back then, and the doctor who delivered me literally back-handed the nurse who told my mother I was alive after he had already told her I was not.

When I found Jesus He was willing to let me stay a minute on Earth with great people who loved me. He must have some reason for me to be here; otherwise, I would have just gone right back up to Heaven on that chilly Autumn afternoon, the day I was delivered, four weeks premature. There must be a reason. I believe I've answered God's calls a few times in my life. I've managed to not flub up too many of His guided assignments; I'm on one now, one that will likely take years to accomplish, but when God gives me a directive I never say no. I thank Him, ask for help, and move forward -- always forward. I used to argue with God, but then my prayers weren't being answered and I noticed I found myself in a bunch of trouble; over and over and over again - - it didn't take me too long to figure out that when I let go and let God drive the stagecoach things just fall into place.  I keep one verse firmly in my head and in my heart about all of this: Psalms 37:4 "Delight in the Lord and HE will give you the desires of your heart". HE will do it, not me, not you, not anyone else; just Him.

Steph Macleod is an amazing soul with an equally incredible story -- his story, not mine. His to tell, his to share, his to live. You can find more about him of course through social media, he has a Facebook page, Instagram, and YouTube videos.  I would encourage you to pray for Steph as you pray for yourself, and include me in a few of those prayers too if you think about it. I would appreciate it. My grandma isn't here to pray for me anymore; she was a warrior, that one. I guess I'm the granny now. I have two precious booger bears to lift up to Christ, and I do.  If you find yourself in a blue funk wondering if you're saved, not saved, unsure of what it means to know and understand the love of Jesus, please reach out to someone - - there are many paths we take in this world but only one that leads to an eternity of peace; that is the journey you take with Jesus. Find Jesus, so you can have your own story to tell.  Here are some links to two pastors I listen to and believe strongly in; they know the word. They love Jesus - - they are great sources of finding your way to Jesus. Blessings.

www.superiorword.org

www.jdfarag.org

Photo Credit: Steph Macleod 

Steph Macleod - An Inspiration.

 

About two and half years ago now, I was listening to my Alan Williams collection (you should do that) and I realized that what I was listening to seemed really Celtic and woodsy.  I liked it. I was having one of those moments when I wanted to listen to worship music, but I really liked the Celtic side too.  I went on a search engine and literally Googled the two words "Celtic" and "Worship".  That was easy!  What I found was a band in Scotland called "Celtic Worship", and guess what they play? You got it, Celtic worship music, or worship music with a twist and upbeat Celtic sound.  I loved it.  I think I heard the first note of the first song and thought "Yes, this is it! I like these people!"   I listened to the first words from the lead singer and my heart stopped. 

    Steph Macleod, one of the lead vocalists for the band, as well as a very talented musician in his own right, sent off an immediate alert to my soul when I heard his voice for the first time. It was weird really, because I've heard countless voices, and listened to so many singers in the past. I worked for a major concert producer for years, so yeah, hearing someone sing was normal; it was an every day event. This time it was so deeply different. I remember stopping the video to go see who this guy was. I'm not going to lie, I couldn't find the information as to who he was, and for a while I thought his name was Steve McCord.  Turns out the lead singer for Celtic Worship is Steph Macleod; short for Stephen, but he goes by Steph.  From that first song I couldn't shake him out of my head or heart. He was just there, living rent free, and I didn't mind. I listened to every song Celtic Worship had listed on YouTube, Spotify, Instagram, anywhere I could find them. 

    I realized about twelve songs in, that Steph had a solo career as well as being associated with Celtic Worship. YouTubes videos, interviews, and other searches led me to watching him give his heart thumping testimony about how he came to being a gospel singer in the first place, when in reality, he was neither a singer or a Christian. He tells the story of how he was an alcoholic by the age of 17, and how a series of events over the next few years found him living homeless on the streets of Edinburgh, but not before bottoming out in Thailand, needing to be rescued.  Words like “gut wrenching” are a way to adequately describe his story, but so are "authentic", "raw", and "gracious".  If it hadn't been for his faith and what God did for this man, you and I would not be able to listen to his musical contributions today, nor would we know of his continued struggles to stay mentally healthy in a world that insists on calling us out for our short comings! Steph is one of those who lives in the trenches when it comes to being real about life. He's been there, recovered, fallen, retraced his steps, asked for help, and has recovered again.

    I think what I like best about the man is that he's not apt to play the victim card, but accepts the full and ugly responsibility of his own actions. He's been arrested, spent time in jail, he's been in rehab a couple of times. He's stood on his own, worked hard, relapsed, and as I said, he was strong enough to ask for help.  He is that same rock for others now, and though being someone's refuge can be daunting and take its toll, Steph's faith is grounded and his hope is dug deeply in the love of Jesus. This fact simply oozes out of his songs and instrumental talent. Besides being a lead guitarist, he was classically trained as a pianist while growing up in Edinburgh.  For years he made his way through music; he just wasn't a singer until after he gave his voice the opportunity to tell his story through the words he wrote about going through addiction and recovery.  The words were his to sing, and he sang them. 

    Today, the handsome, bearded, sultry singing, tattooed gutsy artist is focusing on more than just music. He's been ministering to the homeless, literally going to them on the streets where he once lived. He speaks with them, showing them that there is hope. He works in the prison ministry, and through a fantastic arrangement with the Bethany Christian Trust, the facility that literally brought Steph back to life, he works with sharing the Word and the life of Christ to men and women who are incarcerated, unable to make it to a traditional worship service.  Through creative practices online he and his band have managed to overstep the boundaries of being locked down through Zoom and other platforms. They bring us song, hope, joy, and worship through the magic and technology of the internet. What a way to inspire! What a means of transformation!

    Steph's music is available online through Amazon and Spotify.  You can catch him on YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram as well.  Give him a look! He's easy on the eyes, I promise, and your ears and heart will thank you for eternity! That's a promise.

Photo Credit: Isaac Barringer CCCH.com

What Does the Bible Say About Homosexuality and Christianity?

 The words below are NOT my words.  I put the question "Can a Homosexual Person be a Christian"  to www.gotquestions.org a Bible reference, and this is the answer I found. I will let each of you decide for yourself.  My thoughts?

1. A person who has accepted Jesus into their heart is in fact a new creature. They can fall again, they can be tempted. They can even engage again in homosexual behavior, but the Spirit that lives in them and is SEALED in them, will struggle and cause them to be anxious about it, nervous about it, even depressed about it.  

2.  I feel that a person who has accepted Jesus in genuine desires to remain holy and desires to be as close to being like Christ as possible, but they do fall. They may even act on the struggles of that particular sin, but I do believe they are sealed and saved; they have their FIRE INSURANCE as we good Baptist like to say, but they will not be blessed. They will not inherit the Kingdom of God in terms of being all they can be; they will suffer great loss, and could be called home early due to their choices. 

Homosexuality is a real thing, but it is not a NATURAL thing. It may be a NORMAL thing, but those parts don't fit properly and that's just a fact.  Here is what Got Questions had to say about it. Be blessed. Know that God loves you, and God will forgive you if you repent. God will deliver you if you ask, and mean it, and He will help you if you continue to struggle - - just don't give into that lie Satan brings to us. Don't support the homosexual lifestyle of friends and family either - to do so is to disrespect and dishonor our Holy and Eternal God.

*********************"SWE

“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Corinthians 6:9-10). There is a tendency to declare homosexuality as the worst of all sins. While it is undeniable, biblically speaking, that homosexuality is immoral and unnatural (Romans 1:26-27), in no sense does the Bible describe homosexuality as an unforgivable sin. Nor does the Bible teach that homosexuality is a sin Christians will never struggle against.

Perhaps that is the key phrase in the question of whether it is possible to be a gay Christian: “struggle against.” It is possible for a Christian to struggle with homosexual temptations. Many homosexuals who become Christians have ongoing struggles with homosexual feelings and desires. Some strongly heterosexual men and women have experienced a “spark” of homosexual interest at some point in their lives. Whether or not these desires and temptations exist does not determine whether a person is a Christian. The Bible is clear that no Christian is sinless (1 John 1:8,10). While the specific sin / temptation varies from one Christian to another, all Christians have struggles with sin, and all Christians sometimes fail in those struggles (1 Corinthians 10:13).

What differentiates a Christian’s life from a non-Christian’s life is the struggle against sin. The Christian life is a progressive journey of overcoming the “acts of the flesh” (Galatians 5:19-21) and allowing God’s Spirit to produce the “fruit of the Spirit” (Galatians 5:22-23). Yes, Christians sin, sometimes horribly. Sadly, sometimes Christians are indistinguishable from non-Christians. However, a true Christian will always repent, will always eventually return to God, and will always resume the struggle against sin. But the Bible gives no support for the idea that a person who perpetually and unrepentantly engages in sin can indeed be a Christian. Notice 1 Corinthians 6:11, "And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."

First Corinthians 6:9-10 lists sins that, if indulged in continuously, identify a person as not being redeemed—not being a Christian. Often, homosexuality is singled out from this list. If a person struggles with homosexual temptations, that person is presumed to be unsaved. If a person actually engages in homosexual acts, that person is definitely thought to be unsaved. However, the same assumptions are not made, at least not with the same emphasis, regarding other sins in the list: fornication (pre-marital sex), idolatry, adultery, thievery, covetousness, alcoholism, slander, and deceit. It is inconsistent, for example, to declare those guilty of pre-marital sex as “disobedient Christians,” while declaring homosexuals definitively non-Christians.

Is it possible to be a gay Christian? If the phrase “gay Christian” refers to a person who struggles against homosexual desires and temptations – yes, a “gay Christian” is possible. However, the description “gay Christian” is not accurate for such a person, since he/she does not desire to be gay, and is struggling against the temptations. Such a person is not a “gay Christian,” but rather is simply a struggling Christian, just as there are Christians who struggle with fornication, lying, and stealing. If the phrase “gay Christian” refers to a person who actively, perpetually, and unrepentantly lives a homosexual lifestyle – no, it is not possible for such a person to truly be a Christian." Photo Credit: Susan Hope Berland

Goodbye, Tex.

I pray God finds you and brings you back to His fold. I am absolutely saddened by your choices; you deceived us. I pray your Deliverance is quick that you may be Gold again.  My heart is crushed by your decisions to live this lifestyle, or to return to it. God doesn't change. Just because it is legal doesn't make it moral. His is the eternal light, let that light shine. I believed you did; I pray you return to Him soon.

Heaven is eternal. Good bye for now, Tex.

Muscle Schumscle. I Don't Want to see THAT!

 Like a dummy, like a big ol' dummy, I decided to stand on the scale. My thought process was that it had been a long time since I had done that, and since I've been eating better, walking, running, boxing, and lifting weights, I should be OK. I know my jeans were loose this morning when I put them on to go to the store. I really never wear jeans anymore. I would have said I rarely wear pants anymore, but my friends in the UK may giggle at me and call me "Cheeky".  The word "pants" actually means your underwear in the UK. Found that out after saying it a few too many times without realizing why my friends were blowing their cheeks out at me and spitting out their coffee. 

    So this morning, I decided I would stand on the scale and get a ball park figure as to what's been going on weight wise, you know, have a place to start. Nope! NOPE! I am NOT writing that number down damn it. It is NOT happening. I was so mad. I was so so so very mad. I literally stomped on the thing. I came so close to picking it up and heaving it across the room, and if I didn't think I would upset the neighbors or broken a window, I would have chunked it! I do NOT weigh what it said I did! I nearly said a bad word, let's just put it that way. I nearly said a very bad word.

    My daughter came running into the room to see what was going on, why her mom was literally pitching a fit and screaming before she'd had her morning coffee. I mean, I don't usually scream after I've had my coffee, but it is more unusual for me to be screaming before I  have had at least the first cup! I told her what had happened. She immediately took my side, she's smart like that. She blamed the sun in my eyes, she blamed the uneven flooring, she even blamed the scale itself saying it was in need of being calibrated. I love my daughter - - but she would be wrong. No, it was me. I weighted THAT much. WHAT happened? Well, turns out that I was to blame. Me. I was working out, lifting weights, and BAM....muscle happened. I put on a bunch of it apparently since the jeans are loose and the weighted bars are actually a great deal easier to pick up and maneuver.  It's me.

    You talk about hitting the internet and doing a much needed research! I had an interview to do in about an hour, and I wanted to get to the store before that, but I also wasn't going to rest until I got the facts straight in my head as to why I was teetering on being HUGE again!  Turns out that (according to www.healthline.com) a pound of muscle weighs the same as a pound of fat (this is true) but the pound of fat will make you look softer and rounder, while the muscle makes you thinner and leaner. Again, we all know this, but why was it that I could have lost 48 pounds and then suddenly put 12 back on without looking like it? I have muscles. I have biceps now. I have thigh muscles. My butt is a rock. I like saying that. My butt is a rock. The butt is the biggest muscle you have folks!  It makes sense. I mean, I still have soft spots, I still need to get rid of my lower belly, some spots around my back and chest. If truth be told, I would rather be as flat as a 12 year old boy than to be carrying these huge boobs around all the time, but if they want to become as hard as my butt and they promise to stand up all day I'll let them stay.

    The most difficult thing about working out, dieting, exercising, and lifting those endless weights, is that you really think you're going to go down in size and weight. I'm toning I guess.  I don't think I'm finished losing weight, but I'm packing on muscles at the same time and negating the whole weight lose victory dance! At least now when I do dance I can do it without toppling over or hurting myself.  I can also dance with an 8 pound ball in my hands. I wouldn't want to try that with my 12 pound ball yet...not yet. Baby steps!!  Speaking of steps, I bought an inexpensive (can't say cheap) treadmill to use at home since I'm not going to the YMCA. I have weights, a heavy jump rope, and I have the boxing bag. I can do this. The treadmill is inexpensive so it only has a few controls.  It's set to a higher incline and I can't undo it. I don't know how to adjust it properly, and I'm just sort of forced to put up with it. So I put up with it.

    I ran about four (4) miles on it today at a really steep incline and my calories burned was over 500 I think. I ran and/or walked a total of 5.29 miles for a total calorie burn of 685. Gotta love that. I'm dying over here and the dog is licking my sweat. I'm not sure if she loves me, or if the salt is just too much of a temptation. Either way, it's Valentine's Day so I'll take it. She loves me. I'm good with that.  Forge on folks, make things happen. I guess what this means is that I'll keep the scales but they have to go back into the bathroom cabinet. I'm not going to put myself through that again. I'll go buy a pair of jeans that I think I want to wear, and when I can wear them comfortably I'll pull the scales out and do the dance maybe -- at least I'll look good trying.  

Photo Credit: Me, but I took it from www.thecalculatorsite.com