Jude Stringfellow's Blog, page 80

My Journal.

 I don't know when I started writing to myself, but I know I was under the age of 15 because I clearly remember getting my first journal at that age and I began writing to myself more efficiently. Before I owned a journal I would simply write notes to myself and tell myself what I would do, what I have done, what I wanted to do, and so forth If anyone found my letters and read them they would probably just have laughed; I never really cared if anyone ever found my writings. To this day I leave the latest journal(s) out on the table next to the chair I sit in (with the dog) and I couldn't care one bit if they picked up the book and read out loud each and every word I have written - - even the embarrassing words. 

    Why don't I care if my secrets are told? I learned a very very long time ago never to write out anything you couldn't publish in the papers and these days I'd have to amend that medium to say "Never write down anything you couldn't post online".  The way I see it now, as has always been, I think my words are my words. If I said it I must have meant it. If you don't agree with me you can stuff it, and if you don't like what I wrote, you can stuff it twice. I say all sorts of mean, nasty, rude, and even crude things at times. I lay it out there, and I'm not afraid to be bold or blunt! If I don't like what you're doing I'm apt to write about it, and God knows I don't mind handing you my journal with a scone and double-dog dare you to read the words for yourself. 

    Over the years, the many many years, I have written countless numbers of book. To ask me how many books I've written would be an impossible task if one considered each 150-200 page journals I've written. I write one every 2-3 months I suppose.  In the early years I used composition notebooks. In 1997 I had the extreme misfortune to have lost literally 12 full years of my writings when my bastard ex-husband decided to destroy my work; I've never recovered from it, and I won 't fully be able to forgive him really. I have given the matter to God, but I know I hold that scar with an impassioned hatred toward him that only Jesus can remove. Like scar tissue, it has grown over, but it is not gone. 

    Since that time I've written more, so many more, and I don't know exactly how many books I've written. I have over 140 journals. We'll say that. I think the best and easiest thing to say is that anyone who wanted to "get to know me" could pick up a book or two and pretty much realize I'm one of the most boring subjects known to have lived; at least according to the pages before them. I write about feeding the horses, about going on trips, about working, about lying to my kids, and about my prayer life. More recently, the past two years, I've written extensively about a man I've prayed for and how my feelings became way too personal for him. I created fantasy, dreams, would-be's and all sorts of nonsense. Words that never ever should have been written, but then again, I can't pretend I'm not who I am, can I? Just as human as the next woman, I suppose. 

    My journal is perhaps the closest thing to a confession that anyone would ever find. The only thing I don't disclose in the books is where the bodies are buried. Why would I do that? Why would I give away the very secrets that could keep me locked away forever and perhaps jeopardize my chances of ever being allowed a pen in my hand! (I hear they only allow No. 2 pencils without erasers in prison, and God knows, I'll need that damned eraser!)  Ha! There I go--fantasizing again! THERE ARE NO BODIES!  I kill people all the time in my mind, but I don't really do it. I'm a freaking WRITER for goodness sakes. Anyone who knows me knows that, and if you don't know me, you wouldn't know that I can't even watch something bloody online or on film. My kids won't let me watch certain shows due to the fact that they know I'll be up with nightmares! (I've never seen The Passion, but I do love me some Jim Caviezel) 

    This morning when I sat down to pick up that learned and glorious book of mine, I decided to speak to it rather than just write in it. I told it how I deeply appreciated it keeping my secrets and openly forgave it if anyone should coax it into sharing them; no worries. I would sit properly with my tea and let you read the words back to me if you thought you could actually decipher my poor (and increasingly growing worse) handwriting. It has REALLY suffered and I can't explain why. Often times I think about what another graphy (graphologist) would say about my handwriting; I know I think twice at times when I glance back over it. I'm the worst right now. I need to work on that. Maybe I'll make a point to be more...more...diligent. Probably not. I'll likely just keep smushing the words together and dropping the letters as if I am in some sort of hurry when I'm not. 

    No doubt tomorrow's entry will reflect this blog, and maybe what I dream tonight. Sometimes I lie about what I dream just because I can. Other times I write exactly what I dreamed and wonder about what it really means. Mostly however, I just write and I tell myself what I'm going to do, what I have done, what I want to do, and maybe who I would love to roll about the woodlands with - - hint, he's usually Scottish, naked (maybe still clutching his kilt in his hands and untying his black boots). He's bearded, plays guitar, and speaks only Gaelic. I don't really understand much of what he's saying, but then again, I really don't give a damn.  Nope. He's getting a bit more gray in the temples these days, but he's always the same man; my lover.  Journals are really good secret keepers and if my mind's private tales are ever discovered that's OK, too - - they are the things imaginations are meant to know and experience. 

    A good friend told me she would never write anything down because she is fearful that someone who she wrote about would find it, perhaps read it, and know her true feelings. That's exactly why I leave my journals out. A person may not want me saying what I want to say to their face. Perhaps reading it in a book on a table (when they know they really have no business reading it) would be a lighter way to find out the truth. When I am gone my books will remain. My story will be told by my own hand. I can't think of another more genuine way to say "This is me. Love me. I'm the only me I could ever be."  Heaven will be my final destination, and though I don't know if I'll ever pen a word there, I know I'll find a kilt on the ground just outside my doorstep and maybe one or two laces untied of some fairly dirty black boots. Heaven is heaven, after all. 

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Entreated (A Poem)

 Entreated 

  

What colors do I see 

When I think of you? 

Could there be a shade 

Sweet enough to be expressed? 

 

Am I bound by a veil so lovely 

At the very sight of you? 

Are you captured by my  

Heart’s eyes – unimaginable? 

 

What sound is it that I hear 

As your voice dances on air? 

As your presence leans upon 

My soul to rest. 

 

How I am lured by the melody 

By the symphony, by the lyrics 

By the chords played evenly 

By our hands. 

 

What anchors my very being 

To the thought of you each time? 

Each time I am drawn without force 

Held captive by music, by love. 

 

Jude Stringfellow – March 26, 2022 

 

Photo credit: Travel Earth

Body Time!

 So, as you know, winter is gone. (did you know you're not supposed to capitalize the seasons such as Winter, Spring, etc....not unless you are using them as proper nouns.) I live across the street from the local YMCA and I have routinely joined, cancelled my membership, joined again, cancelled again. I usually only cancel for like a month or so to give myself a break and to let the people who make New Year's resolutions get out of the way. I hate going to the gym and having to wait in line for anything. I really do. I don't wait. If you know me, you know I would never wait. I would (and did) change course, but I won't wait. I decide to use another machine, do another set where I am, or maybe just walk the trails, but I absolutely will not wait for a machine. If someone is just sitting on it talking to someone I am THAT person who asks them to get up so I can use the machine.

    Also, if you're new to my blog and you don't know this, I am about the youngest person going to my particular YMCA. Not kidding. I'm 60. I am the YOUNGER one there. It's so much fun to give these old people a what-for! Let me tell you....they give it right back! We have some saucy old ladies and old men in our town.  Many of the people who go on a regular basis are veterans of the Viet Nam era, but we have some older older folks too; and we (the others) would go through Hell for our folks.  I don't ever wait on a machine, but I'll sure a heck help someone who is using it to be able to use it better or more efficiently. It's how my mama taught me. (See what I did there? I didn't capitalize "mama" because I didn't use the word as a proper noun.  Had I said that's how Mama taught me, then yeah, I will capitalize the word.) You're welcome.

    I cancelled the membership back in January and I haven't been across the street since. That's been about  what, 9 weeks? I went in today and wow, let me say it, that place is so so so so so different! They have all new up to the last minute great equipment. I took photos of everything and have uploaded them onto Facebook and Instagram. I was super impressed. I will actually need to schedule a fitness trainer to go through the machines with me now. I have different goals than I did before. I have about 25 pounds to get off of my torso, and at the same time I want to build up my thighs, arms, and chest. I am not saying I want to be a body builder, but I wouldn't mind impressing people who remember me as the fat lady that rode horses with them, or the heavy-set teacher that they knew back in the day. I'm not fat-shaming, so please don't email me. I know what I was, and I'm not there anymore. I decided to fix it. It didn't work for me to be heavy. If someone else wants to be so, that's their deal.

    The YMCA is an amazing place really. Ours doesn't have all the fancy stuff. We don't even have tanning beds, a hot tub, a pool, or any sports leagues. we are just a gym and we are into working out, spinning classes, yoga, pilates, and making fun of each other. That's what we do. I walked in and a particular older gentleman who likes to flirt with me in front of his wife asked me if I could remember his name. I said I did. He said "Good, tell her, she forgot."  He's so cute. She smacked him. They have been married longer than the oceans have been waving, so she wasn't concerned about me picking him up and carrying him off.  She told me once she never worried about anyone kidnapping her adorable husband because by supper time they'd bring him right back!  I don't doubt it. He's a mess.

    All of the new work out equipment is designed to help older people and people with possible disabilities. The line up is amazing and if you just did the standard routines you could get through all of the machines in just under 40 minutes. That will be a good program to start. I can do that, then walk on the treadmill for 2 miles, then maybe do the battle ropes there or wait until I get home. I have  set at home I use now after dark. I take them downstairs and attach them to the fence and allow the cooler air to keep me going. It's been too windy and wet to do it this week, but I'm thinking anytime soon will be another opportunity. We're in Oklahoma...it's a matter of time before the weather changes in your favored direction.

    So that's it. I won 't state my current weight, but you can bet after I reach my target weight and meet all the metrics I'm hoping to meet, I'll post a few "shameless gym selfies" as a friend recently quipped. I don't mind. I am in a sort of contest with myself. If I make it I'll take me out to dinner! I like that. I'm really really nice to me. I like me, that's why I work so hard to make me better. I hope you'll join me with your new selves too. Just get up, make it happen if you can. Those calories aren't going to burn themselves; I mean,  a few do, but not as many as you really need to be burned to make any real difference. Have a good one!! 

Photo Credit:  Elite Daily 

Well, Apparently, I Suck.

 To be honest, the Series 66 is a really tough test, but that's no excuse as to why I didn't pass it. I didn't completely bomb it either, but I didn't pass it. I missed it by about 5 or 6 questions. I'm not a math wiz, but I can do simple math.  I needed 80 questions out of 110 to get a 73% and I think I got 74 correct.  Now, if I got 74 correct when they were only testing the 100 and not the extra 10 they claim they aren't scoring, then I passed.  I don't think I actually passed. I think I missed a few of the 74 that I think I got right. If I had to lay money on it, that would be a good bet. I only THINK I got 74 correct. It was probably something closer to 68-70.  Oh well, the fact is...I suck!

    I didn't want to fail, and maybe not for the reasons that most people don't want to fail. I didn't want to fail so that I could (a) stay out of the stats of those that don't pass the first time (b) be in the stats of those who pass the first time (c) not waste my $$$ that I've already sunk into this, and finally (d) I really really don't want to have to take the damn thing again, but it looks like I will have to do so.  I didn't need the Series 66 for a job. I will be hired without it.  I didn't need it to trade on the FOREX because I can trade all day and night on it without a license. I am only trading my money, not trading anyone else's money. I don't need the Series 66 to do anything other than have it. It's a step in the direction I am going, and it would have been (will be later) useful.

    As I sat at the desk with the two sheets of laminated paper and dry eraser pens that they give you, I created what I thought would be a useful cheat sheet. You can't take one in with you, but you have all the time you want to draw one up and create it from memory when you get into the testing center. I spent about 10 minutes making one, and really, I seriously thought I was doing the right thing. NOT ONE question on that test required me to look at the cheat sheet. Whatever was on the test was NOT what I thought was going to be tested. I really missed the ball on that one. I mean, striking out is one thing, but throwing the bat over your head and into the stands is what I think I did (by comparison). I sat there staring at the monitor, reading the questions, shaking my head, and saying to myself "Hell, I don't know!" more often than I care to admit. 

    To say that there were questions I had no way of answering is adequate. I would say 10-12 questions were flat out not covered on the study material, and they tell you there will be 10 unscored questions, so OK, that means there were at least a couple that I KNOW were not covered. There were another 20 that were covered, but we were led to believe they really didn't go into it that deeply, but they do. Some of the questions were worded strangely, and you didn't know if they meant to confuse you or if they just like using poor grammar. The answers were always polar opposite at that point and you had a 50% chance of getting it correct. Obviously, I didn't do as well on those odds.

    I'll give you an example of a question I got on the test.  This is one that I know the answer to, but the way the question was worded it could be one or the other.  The question is: Which policy could best utilize a Transfer on Death (TOD) benefit?  (a) Individual Accounts (b) Life Insurance Contracts (c) IRAs or (d) Joint Tenancy With Right of Survivorship.   The answer is (a) if you think it could use it, because it needs one.  The answer is (d) if you think it already has one and therefore utilizes it.  This is the sort of thing that occurred at least 10-15 times and unless you can decipher what they really want, you can't really answer the way you're really supposed to answer.  It was frustrating. I'm sure the monitor captured my cringing facial expressions and maybe even saw me threaten to pound the screen a couple of times.

    The really good news is, I can keep studying. I can read more. I can do the Quizlets online. I can do the flashcards. I can purposely go look up Cash Flow Analysis, Fundamental Analysis, Technical Analysis, Tactical Analysis, and Spread Analysis.  We were told there were only 2 questions about anything related to analysis....not true. There were 6-10 questions relating to it, I just can't remember the details. I just remember thinking there were so many more questions about it than we were told. I would have and should have studied more about that; and didn't. That's ON ME, not them. I can study that more and then take the test again, but you know what I fear? I think they'll give me a test with more questions on something else. It works that way.

    There was one question on ERISA...and I got it right. They told us there would be one. They were right. Oh, and they said there would be a question about UTMA or UGMA, and there was not. I was so ready.  I know the fine differences between a 529 and Coverdell, but that wasn't asked. It's good though, I'm OK. I'll just keep my nose to the grind but this time I'll let my employer pay for the test taking. I've done that twice (because I had to cancel one) and at $177 a pop, I'd rather not do that again. Nope, not if I can help it. I don't need the Series 66, but if a boss wants me to have it, they can pay.

Photo Credit: Red Bubble

Pre-Test Jitters.

 I'm pretty sure I'm going to delete this post after I take the test for the Series 66 on Tuesday, but I thought I would go ahead and type it out now, and let you know what is going through my mind. I don't know. I may leave it up, but then again, after I pass the 66 and I am hired by a company that will sponsor me to take the Series 7, I will be subjected to a bit of scrutinizing by FINRA, so they may or may not like what I say in the blog. I may have to take it down to be hired. I may have to take it down to be considered. I may have to take it down because it's opinion and not fact; which in FINRA's case would be a problem if anyone taking these tests believed that what I said was in fact fact. I'm just spewing right now. I'm just getting off my chest the feelings and thoughts that are trapped inside of me!!  I do that. I write when I get nervous or start to think too much. I don't really ever worry - - this is what I do. I write.

    I'm going to pass the Series 66. I may not pass it Tuesday, but I will pass it. I had to take the SIE twice before I passed it; maybe 3 times. Dang. Now that I think about it, I may have had to take it three times. I'm not sure, I'd have to think about it. I know I passed it!! (I also know I bombed it.) OK, now that I've thought about it, I did bomb it like no other in April 2021, then failed it in late October 2021 by just two questions, then I passed it in December 2021. Yes. I knew if I thought about it and talked it over with myself, I could come up with the correct answer. I like talking to me...I listen. 

    I have one more day to study before I take the test. I am using the Pass Perfect study guide and like a dummy, I spent too much time in the beginning (middle) on one section, not leaving much time for the 2nd and 3rd sections. OK...yeah, that was stupid. What I ended up doing is really stupid. I realized a day late that I couldn't reschedule my test. I was within two days of the test so I could only cancel. I was really mad at myself for that one. I thought I could reschedule up to the day before. NOPE...it was the 2 day rule, and if I had rescheduled it I would have had to pay $88.50 rather than the $30 you have to pay if you reschedule the SIE. DAMN!!  So, yeah, I ended up cancelling the test date, and repaying the $177.00 charge to take the test, and that way I was able to take the test 3 weeks down the road. This gave me enough time to finish studying the 2nd and 3rd sections of the course. Absolutely the right choice.

    After the 2nd section I realized that most of if not all of the questions being asked on the quizzes and the tests in Pass Perfect were actually online already with Quizlet. SERIOUSLY? I'm not kidding. If you only wanted to study JUST the questions on Quizlet you could do that; you could pass without paying the $149-249 prep course! I paid the $149 and bought a book online for $17 to study. I never got around to reading the book, but I will now because I can use it when the Pass Perfect goes away. You only pay for six months of use.  When Pass Perfect goes away, and I can't log into it to study, I'll have the flash cards I made, as well as the book, and I'll have the Quizlet study sets as well. If I don't pass the test the first go round, I will have enough to use to study so I can pass it when I do pass it. I bet I pass it Tuesday; I just feel I will. I hope I do.

    Some of the things that are on this test that were not really covered in the SIE are the rules and regulations, laws and such for the Investment Advisors vs. Broker Dealers, and the agents or representatives of either. I need to know the laws of the federal government as well as the State Administrator(s) and what the rules and laws are regarding the way things are issued, purchased, exempt, excluded, and/or traded.  I think they go into more detail about the types of client financial profiles, types of accounts, not just that there are account types, but what they do.  I need to know more details about each and the one area I am still NOT clear on is the whole IRA or pension plan section. I can't really wrap my head around some of the more fine details. I'm really really hoping I don't have more than two questions about it.

    What I really like about the FINRA and NASAA sites is that they tell you what to expect on the tests in terms of how many questions are asked, what types of questions, and from which sections the questions will be coming from so you can study accordingly. There will only be one or two questions are ERISA so if I miss it I won't really feel that badly -- unless that's the ONE question I needed to pass to pass the entire test. I'm allowed to make a 73 and pass. There are 100 questions and 10 bonus (unscored) questions that are thrown in to test the waters. Personally I don't like that feature. I think it's both unnecessary and it causes stress. I tend to question myself when I come across one of these types of questions. I tend to scream internally "I haven't gone over that!! Why are they asking me that?" Then I realize that there are 10 questions in the test that are supposed to freak you out  - - and I relax. 

    Tomorrow I'm going over the last last last part of the 3rd section and doing one of the mastery tests. I don't want to do more than one because they take about 2 hours and I don't want to not finish one. I don't want to study past 8:00 p.m. either. I want to eat well, sleep well, get up and load myself with ginseng and coffee and take the final for real on Tuesday. I want to pass it -- and I want to do the dance in my head. You're strictly forbidden to do any sort of celebration in the testing center. People are already stressed to the max - - they don't need to see you over there whooping it up and causing them to miss something. NOOOOOOO.

    My son's 36th birthday is also on Tuesday. That's one reason I chose that day for the test. I figured if I can give birth on that day I can pass this damn thing. He also wrote to me and asked where I wanted to go for dinner!! I thought I would be taking him out, but looks like he wants to do that; I raised him correctly!! He is just such a great kid. LOVE HIM. OK, enough about that. (Just the best!!) I hope we have cause to celebrate twice on Tuesday - but if not I'll just take it again. I'm like that. When a door closes I stick my foot in it and pry it open again. That's how they work. They are doors. I would rather go through it than try to climb through a window.  

    I'd say wish me luck, but I'm Scottish American. I don't need that. I work. I pray!!  Prayer is good. You can pray for me. Thanks.

Photo Credit: Follow Vic's Lead

My son! (Reuben)

Respect in the Work Place

 This is one of those rants really, more or less an opinion piece, because there aren't actual laws, regulations, rules, or policies to cover all the necessary things one needs to know about how to be respected and how to respect others in the work place. It's really just going to be me explaining what I would rather see in these situations.  You can add to it in your own blog. You can disagree with me, and you can even contact me and share with me your thoughts.  I don't have my comments section activated on the blog itself. I don't really want to deal with negative nellies and I don't. Sorry. It's my blog. You can start your own. If you do want to comment and know I actually read your comment, you can email me. I really do read my emails. 

    So, the work place has been changed for a great deal of folks in America, and probably around the world. There are more (so many more) people working from home these days. Do you remember a little over two years ago when you wanted to work from home but your employer(s) told you they didn't think that could work; you'd be too distracted. They also said you wouldn't do your work. They claimed that you, the employee, needed to be supervised, watched, managed, and otherwise put under THEIR microscope so they could lord over you. Remember that? Well, gone gone gone are those days for many companies, and really, that's a good thing. I for one, am super excited to be home most of the time. I do have distractions; mainly dogs, cats, and the roommate cackling like the loud-mouthed brat she is, but I (we) get our work done. We stay in the top percentage of our productivity. We always have.

    A good friend of mine is not so lucky. They've hired her to work in a call center away from home, while allowing other employees to work from home doing the exact same thing she's doing.  They're watching her like a hawk and complaining every chance they get about her metrics not being up to par; she's slightly under, but she's consistent and she's personable. I would much rather have someone like her listening to me on the other end of the phone than someone trying to rush me through a situation to get her "time" in on time and her numbers up where they need to be. Solve my issue, don't push me to the next guy who will likely push me to the next guy. Take the time to be a customer service rep if that's your title. Employers are the problem, not the ones actually doing the work.

    Returning to the office has been quite difficult on a few people because of the lax ways they've had at home these past several months or even years. They don't dress to work now. They may put on a clean pair of pajamas or if they're going to be seen in a teleconference call they may put on a business type shirt with their pajama pants and socks. No one shaves to go to work now. No one wears their make up in their home office. No one is expected to keep their area clean, not really.  No one is expected to not fart, burp, belch, or God forbid - - sneeze! Remember when you could sneeze or cough at work and the others around you would actually bless you? That was a good feeling. They cared.  You try that now and two or three of them will report you to HR and drag out their disinfectant. 

    I was trying to explain to another friend, a nurse, who hasn't really been able to do her job from home since babies aren't being born in her living room, that she should command a bit more respect from her employers for not only showing up on time, but staying later and not complaining about it. She's not bilingual and her boss has literally told her she has six months to get the conversational Spanish down or she'll be out of a job.  First it was the jab, now it's the invasion of her personal time to learn a new language. You know what? If the employer needs her to be bilingual, and she was hired (27 years ago) without that skill, the employer should arrange for her to be trained! Why should my friend or anyone, feel the obligation to learn a new language to do their job if they were hired to do it without it? I understand we have Spanish speaking patients, and having that skill would be awesome. You just don't mandate that sort of thing, and if you do, then the employer should pay for it, and the employee should do it on the employer's time!

    The one I really hate is the lack of respect for those who are self employed.  They are often seen as being lazy, not-employed, not busy, able to be imposed upon, or worse. They are mocked by the corporation types who feel that a "real" job is one that chains you to your desk from 8-5 every week day, and if you deign to complain about it, or try to have a personal moment, you just aren't compliant now are you?  It's no wonder I have always worked better when I work for myself. I had to start my own business to work! I was fired, terminated, let go, released, or asked to leave so often that opening my own business was really the only way I was going to be respected by the boss.  I don't understand it really, because I try so so so hard to respect others and I really do a great job at it too. I guess I'm just insane to expect the same treatment. I know this; as a boss I am really good to myself and I do allow the work/home balance to be an utmost priority. 

    What am I saying? I'm saying that no matter what you do you should be respected and you should show respect. Show up to work on time. Do your job. Don't take too long to return from lunch or break. Clock in and out as you're asked to, but on the same thread of thought, the employers need to realize that traffic sucks, ice is sometimes an issue, and no, it's not always going to work out the way you think it should. Get over it! Metrics are not the way to live! Guidelines are the way to go. Be diligent, do your best, but don't expect a human to be a robot, and don't hire a robot to replace a good human! With the technology we have today, most people can work from home if social distancing is your thing. We can come into work, get the gist of what we're supposed to do, have meetings, socialize, and then head back to the house to actually work. It's one of those new normals. It's not bad.

    I can't see a cop, firefighter, surgeon, or judge being able to do the same - - maybe a judge, but that would be annoying as heck too.  You show up on the tele-court video recorded session and the internet goes out on you - - you can't testify because your mic isn't working! No, some jobs need to be physical and others don't need to be. HOWEVER, in all the cases, and in every single situation, respect and good work ethics are a must. It's a two-way street, and it should be understood that just because one holds the reins doesn't mean they are the end-all answer to the problems. They may actually BE the problem(s).  We have learned a great deal about human nature over the past couple of years. Lets see if we can use that knowledge to bend like the Willow rather than breaking like the Oak would in a stronger wind.

    That's my rant. I'm going back to study now. I like doing that on my spare time. Pray for me. I'm a sick puppy!

Photo Credit:  MakeOffices.com

    

The Things We Do For Fun.

 I'm sitting at my computer desk, and trying to scoot my chair up closer to the keyboard so I can type but I have my feet planted inside a big black plastic trash can filled 1/4 of the way up with hot water, baking soda, Epsom salt and apple cider vinegar. You know, if you know me, I'm laughing my fool head off at this point. My arms are stretched out because I can't get the chair to roll any closer on the plastic thingy that sits under the chair. I'm thinking I got the water too hot, but like any other girl, I'm thinking it's just a matter of time before it gets cooler -- I can take it.  What we do for beauty!!

    Yesterday I was just milling about the internet trying to find things on Pinterest and other places that could give me hints and hacks about this or that sort of timeless beauty aid to have fun with so I can tease my best friend about it. She and I are always looking for ways to one-up each other, or include one another in the crazy things we come up with. Today's adventure was supposed to be me strapping onions to the bottom of my feet with cling wrap (not too tight) and then placing a sock over my feet to hold the onions in place while I slept. The problem is I don't really eat onions so I had them on my list of things to get at the grocery store, but dang it if I didn't totally forget to pick them up so now I'm doing the other approach. I saw it on Facebook I think, but the lady had a vibrating sort of foot washer and I don't have anything that fancy. I'm not about to ask the cat to do whatever he can to splash around and make the water giggle.

    The onion on the feet affair was supposed to draw out all the toxic toxins in my entire body; you know, all the things that have been accumulating for literally years upon years. Supposedly, people swear by it and even do it on a regular basis - - if it worked, I'd do it.  I'm not sure if it does, and I can't know until maybe after tomorrow when I revisit the local grocery store and this time not forget the onions! I also forgot the green tea, dishwashing detergent, and Dr. Teal's liquid foaming bath! Am I just nutters? I mean, I go to the store, I have my list, and yep, the chocolate stopped me dead in my tracks, and there I was just forgetting when I should have been remembering. Happens a lot. It happens more often than most of us want to admit, but I do admit. I think it's a way of reaching out and asking for help -- at least I was smart enough to pick up the chocolate!

    According to the science behind the detox (the onion on the feet thing) you're supposed to do this sort of thing on a weekly basis for at least a month to get as much of the goop out of your body, but it's supposed to free up your blood flow, allow oxygen to flow better in those renewed blood cells, and it's even supposed to help your mind think more clearly and without fog brain. I don't know how that all happens, but I have no problems stinking the dog out of the bottom of the bed to find out. She'll have to sleep up top for a minute and/or get used to the smell down around the footboard. My feet are a good five feet and three and a half inches from my nose so I'm good. She, the dog, on the other hand, is usually curled up between my feet which doesn't really allow me much opportunity to move about at night. We have a rule in our house; we don't disturb the dog if its sleeping or even if its just next to you. You just don't upset the dog. Cats don't count.

    What else do I do for fun and to make myself beautiful? Well, I drink a cup of cucumber juice with either apples or pears every night. Some nights I put a half a lemon in the juicer too and live on the edge! I take Sea Buckthorn, papaya root, ginger, Maca, and chlorella every day too. I guess you can say I'm a walking experiment to see if any of these anti-aging gimmicks really work. I eat correctly, exercise, do the battle ropes, and oh yeah, I box! I love boxing. You know I don't do it correctly, I'm not out there trying to compete, but my neighbors are too afraid to come up the stairs to see what's going on. One of them asked my daughter once because she thought I was beating my kid! LOL

    OMG, the water is getting so much cooler, and it's been 24 minutes. I have 6 more to go. I can't wait to see if the water in the bucket is black as tar...wouldn't that be really scary and exciting at the same time? I would scream. I don't think I could take photos of it because to get the water out of the bucket I need both hands and really, who wants to see dirty water? I'll just tell you about it, and you can either choose to believe me or not. OK...gonna rest here for 5 minutes and then pour out the water, come back and give you a full report. Be back!!  Take this time to listen to a great song or two from one of your favorite singers and remember to thank Jesus for the great day He's provided. 

OK! OK! No more stretching to reach the keyboard! I'm back up closer to the desk now, and yes, my feet are the cleanest they have ever been probably.  Thirty minutes in water with baking soda, apple cider vinegar, and Epsom salt will do that!  So, I poured the water out into the tub fully expecting to see some discoloration from the apple cider vinegar as you know it's a bit dingy in color; not quite brown, but getting there.  The water was a solid brown.  There was a consistent even distribution of the same murky brown, not a really ugly ungodly mess, but dirt brown if you will. There had to be a slight gray hue to it to make it that dull. I would think maybe there really is something to this "hack" or "trick" and after doing the onion thing maybe tomorrow or Friday, I'll make it a weekly thing to do one or the other and see if I can get the blood pumping even better. Woot!

    So if you're out on the Net and you're searching for cheap and easy things to do to make yourself gloriously wonderfully youthful, try the detoxing stuff first. It's all about the poop friends, and it's all about getting the nasty right out of you. Can you imagine how wonderful our world would be if everyone was just wasting the waste and kicking the crud out of our bodies? We'd all be so much nicer to one another. I for one, think it's worth the effort!  

Photo Credit: Check The Sethings

You are Known.

 God explains to us more than a dozen times, in various parts of the Word, that we are known even before we are born. He shows us, guides us, even commands us to read and study the Word so that we will not be uninformed about the matter. We are literally made in an amazing way for an equally amazing reason. Each of us, without exception, if we have breath, are made for a unique and wonderful purpose. I know that for some people it's really difficult to grasp that a God who is so far away and seemingly unapproachable would even give a damn, but that's just it; He's everywhere, close by, and He cared enough to do more than we can imagine.  God gave us His only Son! You and I would never do that. We could not, would not, and should not be giving up our children to save others. Romans 5:8 tells us that "God commended His love for us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."  This is part of the Roman Road, and I'll leave a link to that at the bottom.

    We are known by men when we are famous for something; or infamous, I suppose.  Billy the Kid is well known, but not for passing out free popcorn at the theatre.  He was a murderer and a gangster, a loner too, but he was a rebel.  He was well known at the time he was living and he's well known now, over a hundred years since his passing.  Donald J. Trump is well known. He's even famous.  He's infamous to some, and famous to all; you can't take away his celebrity status just because you may not like him. I tell people that he's not the man I'd want to marry. He's not the man I'd want to invite over to a BBQ, but he does know how to run a business, and by golly, he did know how to run our country for a minute too.  He was and is well know.  God knows DJT as well. He knows Billy the Kid.  He made both.  Whether or not you and/or I agree, God sent Jesus to die for both men; and for you and me. The very same.

    God knows you. He knows every single itty bitty thing you think and hope for. He understands your frustrations and your confusion. He may not act as fast as you want Him to act, but He always answers every last prayer if you'll be in tune with His Spirit and listen.  He either says "Yes" or He may say "No", but I find that a lot of the time God asks us to "Wait" because whatever it is that we're asking for may not fit in just yet with what He's got planned. Believe me, if He doesn't have whatever we want planned, you're going to get that "NO" answer and it may be rather abrupt at times. You can usually test your request with the Word and see if it lines up. It won't ever change; believe me, I've tried. If God said "No" to something in the Bible and you're trying to make it happen in your life -- yeah, not gonna happen. We need to figure that out right now. God isn't a magic genie for us to conjure up and ask wishes of.  He is absolutely sovereign and fully God; not a puppet to play with.

    Some people suffer from a multitude of issues including anxiety and depression. I know I have really close friends who suffer from both. The hard part about that is, that depression means you don't really care about anything and anxiety can mean you put too much emphasis or care into it. To have both these emotions running rampant at the same time must truly be agonizing!  That's when you KNOW you have to be really grateful that God commended His love for us.  He's there! He's waiting for you to talk and ask. He's willing to reach and help.  I can't tell you how to do it, how to actually let go, but I did it. I can honestly say that I'm not worried about really anything. I've detached myself from needing to be so attached to the world that I don't mind if it sort of falls apart around me. God promised He'd protect and care for me, and I believe He will. It's literally the most freeing feeling EVER.

    Because we are already known we don't have to beg God to figure out who we are. We don't have to question Him about what we need. He knows what we need. We just have to accept what He says is what is good for us and be willing to do what He commands and makes ready for us. You can think of it as if you're at the school cafeteria and holding out your empty plate! The cafeteria ladies (and sometimes guys) give you what is there, what is available, what they made for you, and since it's regulated and supervised by a contract, you know it won't hurt you. God is the supervisor, God is the regulator, God is the Judge, the Jury, and the Father. (You thought I was going to say Executioner...Ha!) God knows you. He will and does provide. In fact, He's already supplied whatever it is you need, but if you haven't received it that's on you for not asking. We have not because....that's right, we ask not. (Another good verse)

    So, if you have time today, and if you don't, pray.  Get somewhere quiet, take a dog or cat with you for support. Talk openly and really get into the conversation with God because just like any other Father, He's there to listen, and to guide. He's willing and He's really really excited about being there when you ask to include Him.  He wants to help.  In Revelation Jesus said "Behold (Look!) I am standing at your door knocking. If you'll let Me in I will dine with you."  You have to open the door! He has already made the invitation.  It's OK, let Him in, He knows you. He loves you.

Photo Credit: Bridge Bolton

Love is as Love Does

 I don't know that I coined the phrase "Love is as love does", but I do say it a lot. I also say "God makes more" when someone asks if they can have the last cookie, or take the last this or  that. My first and usual response is, "No worries, God makes more" because I know I can go here or there and pick up another whatever it was. I don't like to think I'm bound by limits; if something runs out, I go get more. If that becomes impossible to do at some point, I may have to start being less giving and really, I don't want that to ever happen. I pray that never actually happens. 

    It's the same with "Love is as Love Does" because people do things, and whether they do it out of love or duty, they end up holding another person hostage by obligation at times. I don't like that. I don't want to be that way. I wouldn't want to feel like I need to be paid back, and I wouldn't want to feel that I had to pay something back if it was given to me. You know what I mean. There are those who say they love you, and then do something for you so they can get something from you. It happens. It has happened to me too, and it never really set well with me. I always felt that when I felt obligated I didn't feel loved. Not really. I didn't feel that way with my parents when they gave to me. I didn't ever feel that way when my grandpa gave me something or showed me how much he cared for me. It's with other relationships I suppose; the romantic type, the friend type, the colleague type, even the church going friend or associate type. At work you can usually expect to be obligated but that's not really love. It's duty.

    Love is as love does is something I try to keep close to my soul. I think out loud about it, I think silently about it. I try to ask myself if what I'm doing or planning to do (or wish I could do) is out of selfishness, thoughtfulness, duty, or what?  I want to know. I want to act ONLY if it is out of love. I don't ever want to say those words "I love you" and then do something expecting to be paid back.  Never. I just really really don't want that. I hope that I can say "I love you" and out of my pocket or heart give willingly, openly, and genuinely, so that whatever the person needs, the person I said I love you to, whatever they need - - they can have whatever I can offer. If I can't offer it, and I do love them, I will try to find a way. I won't simply say, "I love you, but I can't help".  I will say (even if I don't use the words) "I love you, let's see what we can come up with to make a difference."  It doesn't always work, but I do want that for my soul. 

    You know those people who "wish you the best" and then say "Love you", or "I really love you brother/sister, you mean so much to me" but if you were in need (real need) they would find a reason not to help you because it would take time, it would possibly take money, and God forbid they give up comfort! No, love is as love does. If someone really does love you, and their spirit is humbled before God in their devotion to you, they will find a way. It may hurt, and it may be really hard on them too, but they will do what they know to do; and that's ask Jesus for the peace only He can bring. Does that sound really "churchy"?  Well, where do you think LOVE came from, folks? We didn't create it. 

    Love is as love does.  God gave us His only Son out of LOVE.  Jesus laid down His very life, for love. Love, I may add, for all souls, not just the ones we like and think deserve it. No, He died for Vladimir Putin the very same as He died for Billy Graham! Ol' Vlad may not say so, but you know Billy would be the first to give a nod.  Jesus literally commended His love for us, in that while we were dead and living in our sins, died for us. (Romans 5:8). If you are suffering, and you've reached out, but no one is willing to help you - - even so called friends, family, fans, or church members who wave and blow empty kisses to you; well, that's not love. It's a kind of love maybe, but not love. It's a liking perhaps, but it's not love. It's not something you can count on, and it's certainly not something you can trust.  We all do that to others; I'm not innocent of it either. I want that to change.

    I don't want to use the words too generously. I don't want to throw those words out as if they blanket everything and everyone. I am not God. I can't give that much. I can't care that much. I can't begin to understand His ability to genuinely love me and the rest of the world as much as He does. I can do what I can do. I can love who(m) I can love. I can give what I can give, and I can pray for the help I know He is willing to supply if I can't find it myself.  Do I love? I do.  The ones I love know I do love them. They know I will literally give my last for them if I had to. I am faithful to know I am not alone in my giving, I have the Father and I have Christ. It's not always easy, and from time to time it has cost me far more than I ever imagined it would, but it hasn't lessened my love for them...not one bit. Love is as love does.

    "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." (Matt: 7:12)

Photo Credit: Ma Daily Life

Calm Down?

 When did anyone, any man in particular, think that he had the God-given right to ask me (no, to tell me) to calm down when I wasn't even flaring up in the first place? If I could have reached into the computer I would have yanked that man by the balls and pulled him through the monitor just to hang his ass from the tree outside my window so I could watch him twist in the wind! No, before you ask, I'm not going to tell you his name; he's an idiot on Instagram from another country, who both doesn't understand American women, nor has he ever dealt with a Southern woman! Well, he just got his ears twisted as mine were firmed pinned back against my skull after seeing what he wrote to me after he asked my opinion on a matter. This asshat asks my opinion, I reluctantly gave it to him, and he has the damned nerve to ask me to calm down.  I don't know why I said asked, the man told me to calm down. Boy howdy, he's gone and he better stay gone!

    Men, both ignorant and intelligent, I hope I have your attention. When a Southern woman decides you need a cussin' you're gonna get your cussin' and you had better stay put when she's doin' it or you'll never see her face or pretty hips again. She'll walk right out that door or kick you out of it - - this door was the door of potential friendship through Instagram, and I always KNOW better than to let some man into my life who starts his first conversation off with "Hello Dear" God, that makes me cringe!  I typically try to be polite about it, but it just makes my gut crawl when I see it. I was kind and asked him not to call me "Dear" and I told him, like I tell every man that writes to me, I don't have time to chat. If you're not already an established friend, there is but ONE MAN that will have the privilege of breaking the ice and though I don't outwardly say "It ain't you", I'm thinking it is not that man talking to me at that moment. I let him know nicely that I am busy, I don't chat, but I can answer questions that he can't find on my posts. If he persists, as this man did, and he continues to ask questions he can find on my posts, I am again polite about it, and again, direct him to read my posts!

    Lord have mercy, this man wrote me a third or fourth time, saying he was seeking a Christian relationship, a friend, nothing remotely resembling a romantic relationship. He wanted to talk prophecy, and he wanted to know my thoughts on the geo-political front(s) that are currently displayed in current events. Was he telling the truth? Probably not. They never do. They lie through their keyboards and ask a few interesting questions, then ask you to go WhatsApp and chat. WHAT PART OF NO confused this man (or any man)? After asking me my opinion on the Russian/Ukraine situation and how I found it to be either Biblically prophetic or interesting, I decided to tell him what I thought. I preferenced it by saying that I was a born-again Christian and believed that the return of Jesus was imminent. It could happen at any time.

    Not only did this yahoo try to tell me that my beliefs were off (because they didn't line up with his) he went on to say that I didn't know much about military assignment, the way the world looks at Americans, and I really should just calm down and wait for the answers to be handed to me. Did he really just hit send on that one? I'll send him!  I fired back with both barrels, and NO I will never apologize for what I say when I do that. It's what I felt when I did it. Jesus will simply have to forgive me for being the bitch I am! I decided to tell the man exactly how I felt so I did. When he basically tried to dismiss me a second time I told him if I was standing in front of him he wouldn't be standing much longer. I told him to take his lies and deceptive means to another woman because this one was not about to play his "be submissive to me" game. If I could I would have replaced my boxing dummy with his face! 

    When a Southern woman tells you she's OK, you need to realize she is not OK. If she shakes her head at you and says "Bless your heart", it's likely you'll be buying flowers and chocolate before you track your dirty boots over her floor again. If she stares at you, and you think you see the steam rolling up in her eyes, Baby, it's time you set yourself for the door running in the other direction. You don't need to come back, and you probably shouldn't. She will not set a place for you at the table tonight that's for damn sure. At least I didn't have to worry about that with this one. I just used the block option on Instagram and he's gone. If he thinks he'll be clever and make up a new account to talk to me he's got another think comin', I am simply swearing off speaking to any of them right now except that ONE. 

    Glory to God in the HIGHEST....I want Jesus to come back fast before I blow a gasket!

Photo Credit: QuotesGram