Jude Stringfellow's Blog, page 112

A Bloody Rose - 1977

Bloody Rose

At times the world—a carnival

With whirling ways and smiles

At times the stage—a darkened edge

Revealing thorns

Our lives

Too often times the tenderness

Flows slow to warm my face

Damp crystals of the evening

Stain deep to leave no trace

And many times I wonder why

I ever said hello

Before that day I had my way

Budding as the rose

A magic time—a shining light

A dream to you, no meaning

As time will tell, I felt it real

I know the pain I’m feeling

Mixing tears and simple smiles

I laugh to hear my praying

A bloody rose I seem to hold

And yet—

My heart is staying

To let it go would be the best

To heal my wound forever

My bleeding heart—a tender rose

A clinched fist protects it

- Jude Stringfellow (1977)

Decisions! (I Make Them)

There are people in this world, who when they watch me make a quick decision, freak the heck out, and they try to convince me that the decision they just saw me make was both hasty and premature. To those people I say, "If you can't come to a complete conclusion about something in a nano-second that would be your problem, not mine." I tend to make a great deal of my decisions without the luxury of taking much time because most of the time my gut feeling about something is so accurate that giving myself time to think could and usually does mean disaster. I make good, hard, fast decisions, and I do it all the time. It is who I am, it has served me well.   

That being sad, I won't say there haven't been times when I feel like slapping myself silly over having made snap decisions -- my marriage comes to mind. In fact, sadly, my marriage comes to mind too often when someone else is trying to convince me to slow my brain cells down long enough to at least line them up correctly. To those people I say, "Stop reminding me. I have lived with that memory for long enough, and the dead horse you are beating deserves to be buried once and for all." I personally never think of my marriage because it was the most senseless and idiotic thing I could have ever done. Admitting that is hard enough, reliving it simply will not be acceptable. YES, I do screw up, but the times my fast calls to do something, have something, buy something, make something happen, or throw something out the window, have far outnumbered the ONE bad decision I made so many years ago.   

I play solitaire online with a group of people and I just can't seem to figure out how they don't see what I see, or how they don't move this card over faster and they wait to see if it's going to be better to move that card instead. I do that during a chess game, sure, but I'm not about to take 4 or 5 full seconds to think about whether or not this red queen belongs on that black king or not. Nope, there she goes, and move forward! NEXT! Most of my games (on medium to hard level) end up being solved in under 3:48 minutes, which is my personal goal for myself. Ending in less time is always acceptable, ending over 4:00 minutes really pisses me off, I'm not going to lie. I double down on the next game trying to force it under 3:15 minutes! (Does this show my stubborn side?) I'm hard on myself, no one else need be. 

Recently I decided to book a few concerts for a few good solo Christian artists in the UK. I've decided to bring them to the U.S. to play, and I've decided to make it happen this spring.  I've even picked the artists, and they'll let me know soon enough whether or not it will work out. One of them said YES immediately, one hasn't gotten back with me, and the third said he'd pray about it and let me know because some of the gigs he was booked for last spring cancelled due to COVID and they may pick him back up again this spring. OK, that makes sense. I suppose I can consider this a challenge or I can consider it an opportunity for the next solo artist who CAN make it. I haven't decided on that ONLY because I've not allowed myself to do so. I won't cut this artist simply because he wants to take time to think about it, that's his thing - - he's a thinker. (I'm a doer) I'm sure it will work out for everyone.  

Coming up with venues, calendars, schedules, transport, hotel, payment methods for the artists, and all of the logistics that go along with creating a 3-act concert tour of say 5-10 shows in 4-6 different states takes a minute - - it in fact will take a good minute. I will need to get a few commitments soon so I can get started. If I don't get started before the first of November, I'd have to push my dates to the first of May and that's not going to work for me because that's when I've decided to move to Scotland on a permanent basis. I'm not going to book UK bands in the US if I'm going to be living in Scotland. Sorry, it's just not going to happen. I won't hold anything against anyone for not seeing things my way, it's never been about my way, it's always been about WHAT IF and I BET I CAN MAKE THIS HAPPEN. I'm never one to force my way on anyone. If they don't agree with me, I simply nod, shake their hand, walk away and do what I do best -- bounce back. I never admit defeat, never back down, never stop, never give in - - but I will walk away and start over. 

Planning is what I do. I am a planner. I plan for plans, and my notes have notes. I collect information, gather intel, make decisions, put things together, watch it grow, contain it, and BAM! The egg is hatched and we can all stand back and say "That was fun!"  I've done this only 10,000+ times in my life, having always been the one people would come to saying "I need this...can you do it?"  I rarely say no. I want the challenge, and love to serve. Service over salary every time. Money may drive other people, but not me. This fact has saved me so often! I don't care about money. I don't envy people with it. I don't chase it, I won't even ask about it most of the time. I figure you do your job the money shows up. If I like doing something I never need to be paid, I am rewarded in the event itself. I am paid by the smiles and the "wow" factor.  The best things in life are not only free, but you give them away. 

Decision making isn't hard to do once you get the hang of it. You just have to be willing to fall on your face a few thousand times, and be able to stand up, dust off, and run straight into it again and again until you figure it out. What's to lose? What's that Teddy Roosevelt said, 

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” 

 

That about covers it. 

Happy Heavenly Birthday Daddy!

 Three years ago today my dad decided he needed to see Jesus. I have to tell you, he didn't look so good when he made that decision. He'd seen so many more better days. The really good news is, Jesus was more than willing to welcome my sweet dad into His loving arms in the early early hours of October 5, 2017, as he simply slipped from being old and tired to new and vibrant. I wish we could have seen it -- I bet he looked like he did when he enlisted in the Navy back in 1949 (just under 18 years of age).  Where have all the real men gone? Barely old enough to shave that one, but enlisting to fight for his country, be trained to be a better soul, and willing to give his all for family.

Rest with the joy of knowing we'll see you soon Daddy. We'll see you soon. I love you. 

Forward March! (Job front)

 Yes, yes, and thank you, yes! I am at work now, sitting behind my new desk, (probably going to change out chairs soon) and having such a great time. With Allstate you don't just come onboard and start selling even if, as in my case, you've been selling insurance for years, you have to go through their Allstate University, making sure you cross your T's and dot your i's so they (corporate) know you have what it takes to be one of them. I've been playing student for two days now and I've never been more content! (I could be a professional student if someone would pay me to do that.) LOVE learning. 

Basically, the plan is to go a very traditional route in sales of life, property & casualty, and get a bit of the book built before taking on the Securities and Exchange tests (SERIES) for financial planning.  There are more than enough financial planners in Oklahoma, I won't be staying here very long. My plan is to get my licenses and move on to Scotland as an investment broker using Allstate products either captively or in general if they allow for an open agreement.  Obviously, it would be to my benefit to be able to sell for other companies, and it would be beneficial for my clients as well. Being in the UK and working primarily with American clients I will have a six hour head start on anyone I do business with; being able to be on top of the markets that open before the NY Stock Exchange. More arrows in my quiver, so to speak. Should be good. 

Of course, I will want to service anyone and everyone equally, and if clients from the UK wish to sit with me and go over numbers and port folios that won't bother me whatsoever; I welcome all souls with good intentions. Before long I will be practicing my day trading skills for my own personal passive income, giving me a secondary income opportunity in both the U.S. and the UK should I decide to move and work from my home rather than being appointed with a firm.  It won't be tomorrow, so my new (and very wonderfully bearded) boss will not have cause to worry. If I do leave him I'll work with him on a partnership basis; it's all good! Striking out on my own has never scared me. I think I prefer what others call fear anyway. I like knowing I don't have to freak out just because things seem a bit scary! I like proving to myself that I have more than enough to spit in Satan's eye now and then. 

Steps! Baby steps! First today, then tomorrow. Next week and next month have enough time to stew before I bring the cornbread and call it dinner. It's my time to fly - - and my turn to learn. 

Ennergram Personality Test. I'm an 8.

So, I took the Ennergram Personality test, and it's not really a big surprise to me or anyone else, for that matter, that I would be an 8. (The Challenger) It fits with all the other personality tests I've taken either out of curiosity or that were court mandated (yes, they really were). Scorpio, Year of the Ox, ENTJ...now 8. Yep, she's a bold, strong, stubborn woman who takes control, won't back down, but is fiercely loyal.

Here is the link to describe the 8's of the world.  https://www.truity.com/enneagram/personality-type-8-challenger 

Here is what the site had to say about me.  

"Eights are defined by their desire to be powerful and to avoid any vulnerability. They present a confident, assertive, and decisive image to others. Eights can be argumentative and intimidating; it is important to them to stand up for what they believe in and to protect those who are weaker than themselves. 

Eights fear being vulnerable and powerless more than anything, and cope with this fear by always being strong and in control. 

Defining Characteristics of the Enneagram Type 8 

Independent and self-sufficient 

Fierce and certain look 

Determination and stamina 

Very energetic and busy 

Fiery passions and power 

Stubborn and headstrong 

Serious about control over environment .." 

 
 

Yeah, I get that a lot.  I think they forgot the word BLUNT. I'm fairly blunt. I think I'm direct (blunt) because that way I don't need to take time to explain how I feel, where people stand, and that since I actually don't back down, being direct is a good thing. It means I'm not messing around when I say I don't mess around. I really just don't. I either have control, take control, or allow others who are capable to take control until they are no longer capable, then I am back in control. It's not a bad thing - - don't hiss at me. You'll find yourself on TOP OF THE WORLD if I am the one leading you to that destination. It is my PLEASURE, my goal, my purpose, my desire to help others achieve their goals. By allowing me to help you, you have absolutely both achieved your personal goal, and given me what I need to sustain. How may I serve you? 

 
 Here is a bit more about what the site says about 8's.  

" What are Challengers like? 

Goal-oriented and self-competent, challengers trail blaze boldly through all walks of life and take great pride in their independence and sharp minds. They hold their heads up high and will pick themselves right back up after each stumble—stronger than before. As children, they may have been called ‘bossy’ by peers. They typically take charge during group projects or meetings and find themselves at ease in leadership positions. The opinions of others will have absolutely no effect on their standings upon an issue, as they pride themselves on being fully capable and self-sufficient. 

What are the Challenger’s core values? 

Competence, influence, power and control—Challengers crave respect as opposed to status or being liked by the group. Challengers are set to make an impact, and won’t back down. They pride themselves on their strength, honesty and the truth. Challengers also possess an extremely strong inner sense of justice. Loyalty also plays a major role in Challengers’ value system. They’re devoted to those who have proven themselves over time and will stand by them until the end—through hell and high water. When danger comes and their loved ones are in trouble, the Challenger will confidently stretch their wings to protect them. 

How can I recognize a Type 8? 

Naturally accustomed to leadership roles, the Challenger makes their presence known and carries an aura of confidence and self-assuredness in their speech and walk. They typically believe in the mantra of creating your own luck and work very hard to make things happen, no questions asked. Challengers are ruthlessly independent are unafraid of confrontation, which can get them into major trouble at times. They naturally butt heads with authority, especially when met with the classic, “You must do this, because I told you so.” Respect is earned through reason and competency, and not through age or status. 

What are Challengers like under different levels of health? 

At healthy levels: Challengers can be a champion of ideas for those who are oppressed. They’re strong and confident leaders who can be the backbone and driving force for causes and communities. Their energy and commitment to improve upon society and themselves blossoms into new gardens where Challengers can sow their seeds with care. To close friends and family members, Challengers are generous and intensely loving individuals who freely offer refuge and advice. When they learn to develop their caring side, gratitude and joy emerges from their core selves. With this newfound sense of tenderness, Challengers become aware of others’ needs and will freely drop the ‘tough’ persona. 

At average levels: Challengers are competitive and may view friendships or business relations as a battlefield, always looking for the next challenge to win. They’re assertive and stubborn, but also self-confident and competent. During their down time, they critically evaluate their actions and work towards self-improvement. They avoid showing vulnerability, which can be a roadblock for connection and intimacy. Doing so would demonstrate weakness, which is absolutely unacceptable in their books. As a result, they can be seen as highly ambitious yet intimidating by peers. Their confidence and stamina lifts them to new heights, with each failure serving as a kick for more effort. 

At unhealthy levels: Challengers can become tyrannical and intimidating, scaring others off at first glance. They become addicted to the pursuit of power, and will destroy anything blocking their way with fury. The feelings and emotions of others become insignificant, as they become blindfolded to the softer side of the human psyche.  In the end, they may force themselves into loneliness." 

That bit about forcing ourselves into loneliness - - truth, but I like me, so I'm good. Catch me in reality, and let me help you find a way to be you - - you do you - - I'll be an 8.

 

Masks DO NOT WORK - - Truth

 Up to now, I've basically just stated my opinion to myself, to friends, to people who may or may not specifically ask me what my opinion is on masks, but now I really do have to make a stand publicly and say that the blue (non-surgical) masks that most people are wearing, as well as most (if not all) of the homemade cloth masks simply do not protect anyone (you, me, or the next person) from either COVID-19 or any other virus that may be floating around in the air. You know it, even if you don't want to admit it, you know it. It says so RIGHT ON THE BOX.

Doctors and pharmacists (even the "famed" Dr. Fauci) have stated that the best masks available may work about 4-8% of the time; but they are not capable of being both breathable and protective. For instance, an N95 type ventilator mask can and will protect you from droplets (virus) flying through the air if and ONLY IF they are more than .3mb in size, which they are not. In fact, they are so much smaller and so much more apt to get through, that wearing the masks gives these little virus drops a place to land and stay for a while. You think you're protecting yourself, but all you're doing is putting the ugly, smelly, nasty rag back on your face hours later after you've touched it 1000 times with both hands, laid it down on the counter tops, or maybe even lost it between the seats of your car! They are NOT working and they have never worked. WHY are people so apt to claim they do? It's so frustrating from a humanity point of view to see so many idiots without a single working cell in their brains when it comes to this issue. Oh, these same people will tell you to stop smoking, stop drinking sugared water, stop eating too many saturated fats - - they know those things are bad for you. THE MASKS ARE BAD FOR YOU. (You know they are, start refusing to wear them!)

I am one of those rebels, I suppose. I bring the mask with me (a green bandana I cut in half so it's only 1/2 thick when I tie it around my face), I put it on, pull it up over my nose, enter the building, the store, the whatever, and then I pull the bandana down both from my nose and my mouth. I don't put it up again unless someone says something. No one says anything to me because they KNOW!  The ONE time someone said something I told them I have asthma, which I do, and they said "OK!" and they walked away. Listen, you may have asthma NOW because you're killing yourself by bringing these bacteria(s) into your lungs. STOP THE MADNESS.  Start refusing to comply.  When we all do so they must stop.

The mandate was for 15 days remember? Then 30, then 60, and now because the election is just around the corner, they feel that they need to keep Americans (and the world really) held hostage behind a flimsy piece of cloth to comply with their mandate of breaking us as citizens. They want us downtrodden, they want us begging for stimulus checks. They want us dependent so they can rule us with an iron fist - - STAND YOUR GROUND, say no. You do that by simply pulling the masks down.

Watch.  November 4 the EMERGENCY will go away. The URGENCY and MANDATE will end. Will the world follow us? Probably. It's been the most ridiculous mess and we only have ourselves to blame if we don't fight for what we personally know to be truth.  SURE, there is a virus, and it is killing people, so yes, if you're sick stay home. If you want to wear a mask do so, but don't ask anyone else to do so. Don't put your life and the lives of your children, family, loved ones, friends, community, in danger because of politics. It's just not the purpose we were created for. It's not. You know this. It's time you stand up too.

P&C License Exam -- We Will See If I Pass

 Tomorrow is D-day folks. Will she pass the P&C (Property and Casualty) License exam for becoming an Oklahoma Licensed Producer?  I've been P&C licensed before, but that is NO guarantee that I'll pass the exam again. I should never have let the license lapse, but you say to yourself, "I won't need that in the future, I'm doing something else", then you find yourself studying 15,000+ details about commercial and personal property and liability in order to pass a 150 question exam. (Note: after you do pass the exam you only actually use about 1500 of those details, it's a bit overwhelming.) P&C covers autos, homes, boats, planes, commercial, business, personal, liability, umbrella, loss, cause of loss, forms, and of course special forms.

Here's a sample question: "Which vehicle would most likely have inland marine motor truck cargo insurance? Answers to choose from: (a) ambulance (b) truck owned by a delivery service company (c) motor coach (d) fishing boat.  So, since the key word (you always want to find the key word) is "cargo" the answer could be either a, b, or c right? A fishing boat doesn't ordinarily carry cargo.  Does a body or a person riding in an ambulance quality as "cargo", no, it does not. What about a motor coach? They carry people to and from places - - but as with the ambulance, people are not cargo. By default the answer is (b) a delivery truck. Simple right?  Let's do another one.

"If an employer purchases a Fidelity Bond to protect against potential losses by an employee's dishonest act, each employee would be considered: (a) a fiduciary (b) guarantor (c) principal (d) obligee? "  Since the employer is the one purchasing the bond he/she would be the one paying for the bond, so not the principal.  The employees couldn't be fiduciaries as they don't really have any actual duty or responsibly NOT to steal from the boss, right? They weren't ordered not to, they are just expected not to. They can't be the obligee as they aren't paying for the bond, so the employees must by elimination be the principal(s). Will you (or I) ever really need to know this? Probably not. I may or may not ever actually sell a bond since the company I work for doesn't post bonds, but it's something I have to know for the next 15 hours before taking this test. After which I can forget it again, and hope I don't make the same mistakes I did in the past by letting my P&C license lapse. Silly, silly, silly!

Basically the plan is to get the licenses, work and establish my selling power to the company over the next few months to ensure my worth before proposing that they sponsor me in opening an office in Edinburgh, Scotland. If I can't get them to play ball there are many other companies who may be interested. The good news is, my boss has already stated that he is open to the suggestion he just wants to see how serious I am about it, and what the benefits could be both to him and to the company as a whole. If we open one we could open a few. If we open a few we could open a lot. It's a starting point, a long shot, a pipe dream perhaps, but again if they say no someone else will say yes. He knows this, and he knows I'm willing to take the risks and make it happen.

For now I'm just going to go work out, walk on the elliptical, ride the recumbent, row the rower, stretch, lift, power my way through pain and agony long enough to distract my brain from all the formidable yet needless mass of information now swirling in my skull's gooey tenant. Surely I can muster up a 70% tomorrow -- if not, I take it again until I do pass. I just hate losing. I'm the worst loser out there. If I can't win I usually don't play. Tests are another matter.  You can't get out of what is required. PRAYER helps.

Be Still and KNOW I Am God. (YHWH)

 Going back to the Psalms again as a great biblical reference, turn in your bible (or someone else's bible) to Psalms 46:10 and read with me: ".10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth." (King James version).  OK great, but WHAT does that even mean? How does that verse affect us today?   

When I taught Philosophy, I'd bring it up as a reference text because there are rules about being too religious when you teach. Christians will always find a way around that basic rule of thumb if they are worth anything whatsoever. I would write it out, put the quotes around it, and the reference of course. Under the passage I would add the following:  1. Name all the things you as a human are commanded to do.  2. What does it mean to "be"?  3. What does it mean to "know"? 4. Is God being redundant when He said "I Am" and "God", after all, He did say "I Am" sent Moses. He didn't say "God" sent Moses. I sat back and watched the young mushy brains in my classroom consider, contemplate, collaborate, conceive, and then finally create their (often) opinionated responses. Philosophy is nothing if not opinion, in my opinion. 

Be. In order to be you must first realize that you ARE. If you're not, you can't be, and since you're being asked by God Himself to BE, then you are. This is the first thing you need to come to grips with. God thinks and knows that you are something; He made you. He knows that you ARE. So now that you know you ARE, you can BE. What are you to BE? Be still. That is the first command in the passage. To BE is not a command, it is an awareness. Be still. How do we do that? We do nothing and by doing nothing we have achieved everything there is to achieve in that command. By literally NOT doing, you have done what you were asked to do. Simple? Sure, it is. Let's keep going. 

After you have been still, and you are still then you are commanded to do something else that God already understands you have the capacity to do. You are to KNOW. Knowing takes two things; it takes training and it takes acknowledgment of said training.  One does not simply know anything until and unless one has experienced the thing they are to know or to consider knowing. Therefore, if God Himself is asking you to both be still, not to move, not to do anything, and to KNOW something, He has already addressed it to the point that you would, could, and should be able to do the KNOWING necessary to fulfill the command. Otherwise, if God had asked you to do something you can't do, He has made a terrible error, and we know (through experience) that God does not make mistakes. So, you are to stop yourself, and think with intent about whatever it is He has asked you to KNOW about. In this case, He has asked you to KNOW that HE is God.  

"I Am" is both a title and pronoun with direction of awareness as well. I Am God is the same as saying Me, Myself, and I really - - God is, God was, God will be. God is I Am. and I Am is God. Therefore, God has asked you to both understand that you ARE because He made you, and you are to be still, don't do anything, just KNOW that HE is, and HE will, and HE has. Exodus 14:14 mentions that God will fight the fight for you. Whatever fight it is that you are fighting. Be still. Stop. Know that He is. Know that He will fight that fight. It's the hardest thing to do - - to NOT do. But it is commanded. 

It's been a while now, but I have been living this way for a reason. I don't want to worry so I don't. I also feel in my soul that if I fight the fight without God there is no chance of me winning. Being the type that simply must win, I stop fighting. Does that make sense? No, it doesn't make sense from a worldly point of view, but it certainly makes sense from a surrendered point of view. I know, absolutely KNOW that I will be protected. He will be exalted and I will be upheld. I will be blessed, and I will be given whatever blessing God Himself through His Son Jesus, has determined and predestined to give me. All I have to do is nothing, and trust Him to do it simply because He promised He would. The really cool part is, He not only doesn't make mistakes, He can't lie. My desires will be mine if I delight in God, but Psalms 37:1-5 is another topic for another blog. For now. Be still. Know God. 

BLM Doesn't Always Mean What You Think!

 When someone says "BLM" to me my mind does not go to Black Lives Matter. My mind, because it's my mind, has always (and will always) think of the Bureau of Land Management. I say it's the "original" BLM, but I'm not 100% sure about that. What I do know is I will follow that BLM to the end of the planet and back. I will do just about anything they could ask of me. I volunteer for them now, working my networking magic to help as many people as I can adopt from them. BLM, the Bureau of Land Management in Pauls Valley, Oklahoma, is one place I could spend days on end at and never once grow tired of the sights, the smells, the thundering vibrating energy, and of course, the stunning faces I would see every day. Faces like that of Norman.

It was the 2nd Tuesday of October 2016, I had taken off work to go to Pauls Valley, Oklahoma to do what I did (and sometimes still do) every 2nd Tuesday of most months. I go to the adoption event hosted by the BLM in one of south central Oklahoma's bigger smaller towns. Pauls Valley has been a host to Oklahoma's feral Mustangs for several years. I've been volunteering there since I returned to Oklahoma from Indiana in the fall of 2015, so this would have been about my 7th or 8th time to drive the 80 miles to watch the adoption process; this time my daughter Laura was planning on picking out a horse for herself to train and possible keep or flip.  I wasn't going for myself, but you just never know what can happen when eyes meet over an over crowded corral.  Hearts quickly find one another. Life changes on a dime.

Among the throngs of younger horses in corrals lining the west gates I found myself leaning against the rails of the pipe fencing separating the 2-4 year old geldings from the 5 years and older geldings; a group most people avoid as the older a feral horse is some say the harder he (gelding) is to train. A mare is often stubborn to the point of being untrainable, but usually they're good up into years 8-12 to be honest.  Feral Mustang geldings (and definitely studs) typically refuse to be trained after about the age of 6 really, anything older than that and you'll have to really put in the time if you want to create the bond needed to fully train one.  I stood on the outside of the pipeline fence and just behind me stood the full figured body of a 1200 pound bay gelding, much larger than most. Aged 6 years, standing at 15.3 hands (63 inches) this guy was a sight for sure.  Before I knew it he had his head completely resting on top of my shoulder over the top of the fence, and he was literally snorting into my left ear. It sounded a lot like "Hey, I know you don't really know me, but I would really like to get out of this place and maybe, I don't know, go home with you." (If you don't believe me you can ask him for yourself. That is exactly what it sounded like to me.)

The BLM will sell you a Mustang straight out, adopt one to you, or let you bid on one and win at the adoption auctions.  They even have an incentive program that literally gives you $1000 ($500 in 60 days and $500 after 1 year) just for keeping your Mustang, and hopefully training it during the year you have it before it's titled.  If you buy one outright you get the title then, but not the $1000 incentive money. I adopted Norman for $125 (which is actually $100 more than it is now. You can literally pick up a full sized untouched feral horse for $25.00 USD) which is what it cost in 2016.  Norman was mine. 

I didn't take Norman home with me that day however, he went to stay with a man named Tim Brock, a trainer in Missouri.  After 8 weeks of training Tim brought Norman back to me, and we began our story, but a short and sad story it turned out to be.  I was unable to keep Norman due to a situation at the school I worked at, and I was terminated following the 2016 Presidential Election. I voted for Trump, my employers were NOT pleased, and though they said I was released for another reason, we both knew the truth. Eventually, after the holidays and such, I was able to find work, but sadly in January I had to find a new home for Norman. Of course, it wasn't hard to do, look at him!  I know it sounds crazy, but I will try to find a way to bring Norman back into my life. If there was EVER a horse that got away, he is that horse. Today he is being loved and used as a trail horse in and around the same area where I adopted him. If I don't have him again on Earth, I've asked God to bring him back to me in Heaven. Norman is MY horse. We are only separated by time and space right now. That will change.

Born in captivity as his mother was pregnant when she was captured, Tim Brock said Norman was easier to train than most horses he's ever worked with.  You just can't understand the loss I feel in my heart when I see him in photos being ridden by people I don't know - - something in me rages, but then God settles me and reminds me that ALL THINGS work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called to His purpose, ALL THINGS.  This too will work its way to being good. Maybe I was just supposed to be the one to free Norman; maybe he was supposed to be the one to free me. Eternity is a long long time. I can wait.

Grateful Thankful, Thank You!

 When I taught secondary education I had a few posters up on the walls of the otherwise boring and standard beige walls of the school's classroom. It didn't really matter where I taught, every school seemed to buy beige paint in bulk. Why? Why is beige cheaper than every other color? I don't think there's even an answer to that other than white is too hard to match perhaps.   These posters were (are) always upbeat, happy, positive, and for the most part challenge the students to be both thoughtful and positive, but I wanted to also put out the message that being grateful or thankful (or both) is an altogether separate goal to achieve in one's mind and life. Having a grateful soul can lead to so many successes in your life.

One of the things I find to be helpful with trying to bring a thankful spirit into your life is to literally write out THANK YOU as often as you can in a daily journal. I've literally taken the time to write those two oh-so-important words over and over, sometimes adding a specific thing I am thankful for, but just as often I will simply write out "thank you" as an open communication to God. I don't speak to the "universe" I speak to God through Jesus. I don't believe a created universe is the way to show proper gratitude considering the universe was made by Almighty God to begin with. I don't even say "an" Almighty God because there is only one....just Almighty God. YHWH. 

Sitting in my big fat overstuffed chair in my living room I have more than enough things to be grateful for. It isn't hard to just start exactly where I am thanking God for my apartment, my landlord, my maintenance people, even my mailperson who literally always delivers on time every time. I don't have to worry about him or her not bringing me my mail. It's a wonderful thing to know. I thank God for the weather no matter what it may be, it's always perfect. Even if there is a tornado I thank God because I know He's producing it to show me His love for me, His protection for me, His strength, power, and dominion. I know no matter what time of day it is I am fully in His control.  I thank Him for the chair itself. It was a gift from my son after he had purchased himself another one. He knew I always loved it and he gave it to me. He didn't have to drive it 30 miles to deliver it (and haul it upstairs). I thank God for the windows that let in the light. We have so very very much to be grateful for, but we CHOOSE to be depressed, saddened by the events of what we perceive to be THE END! So dramatic aren't we? If we just give it up to God and let Him take it all, we really will be in such a better place in our soul.

There are times I don't feel like pulling out my journal and writing all the thank yous and when that happens I sit still and just whisper them to God. I know He hears me. For everything we give thanks for another thing crops up...it's just the way it is. We can't out-thank God. We can't. Let your heart be full of joy today, not sorrow. Don't fret, don't hate, don't hurt, don't worry, give it all away and receive so much more. It's not a promise I made, no, I'm no one - - but God Himself promised that if we delight in Him, and commit to Him, HE will bring us the desires of our heart. That's something to be really thankful for!