Jude Stringfellow's Blog, page 109

Noodlin' -- A Fishy Tale

Let's get one thing straight right off the bat, I'm from Oklahoma, and in Oklahoma we noodle for fish. Noodling, or as we say it here in the Southwest, "noodlin' " is a method of fishing without a pole, without anything really except your bare hands.  It's been legal at times, it's been banned, it's been ignored by the rangers for the most part, but to let you know the gist of how it's done it's simply this: you step about knee to thigh high in some of the muckiest dirtiest water you'll ever see on God's green Earth, and you plunge your arms into the muck about elbow deep searching for and feeling for those wigglin' catfish that tend to cover themselves with the muddy silt of the deeper wider rivers and the lakes in our fair state. When you find one you can try to wrap both hands around the slimy monster but the best way to catch a catfish if you're noodlin' is to cram your bare fisted hand down its throat, lift it up by its midsection, and call it done.  Cheaper on bait, but let me tell you, those boys have teeth! Best to wear gloves.  

Why am I telling you about the ins and outs of noodlin' anyway? Well, I like fish stories I guess. I'm a big fan of the time(s) Jesus took a few fish and broke them up to feed thousands of men, women, and children on the sides of the mounts in Israel. I also like to tell the story of how Jonah had his piss-poor fishing experience, and how my grandpa said Jonah learned really quickly that God has a plan for everyone and everything -- you see, the fish was sent to the very spot Jonah was cast out of the boat, and the FISH obeyed God when God sent it to a part of the world where those larger fish don't often go to -- the FISH obeyed God; let that sink in for a minute.  Jonah ended up doing exactly what God wanted him to do in the first place before he was swallowed by our gilly friend, but the FISH obeyed God the first time. I wonder what sort of reward the big guy received for being on target? Maybe it wasn't a fish at all. Maybe God sent an angel shaped like a whale - - we'll have to ask when we get to Heaven. 

Another fine fish story in the Bible is the one where Jesus tells the bad guys that He does in fact give to Caesar that which is Caesar's and that you should give to God that which is God's.  The Pharisees came up to Jesus claiming He was telling his followers to disobey Caesar and not to pay taxes properly. Jesus thought about it for a second and probably smiled before He sent someone to the lake (just over there) and told them to pick up the first fish -- I wonder if they noodled to get that done.  The fish was already prepared! The fish had at some point, and we don't know at what point, had swallowed a simple coin, but the coin was dropped in the water at some past point, and the fish was curious about it and tried to eat it only to find out that it wouldn't go down his throat - - it was stuck in his mouth. I say "his" but it could have been a girl fish; we don't know. We do know that Jesus KNEW the fish! He knew the EXACT fish to send directly to the disciple He had sent to the water to fetch the first fish found. This was the first fish found - - and in that fish's mouth was a coin, a certain coin, a coin that was large enough or valued enough to pay all of the tax Jesus owed or may have owed. HOW DID JESUS KNOW?   

Here's the point I like to make when I tell people about Jesus and all He's done for me; just relax and let Him have every last care you may think you have. He prepared the fish! He prepared the guy or gal that dropped the coin in the first place! He KNEW it was going to happen, when it was going to happen, that it was going to happen, and then He knew the Pharisees would come up asking about taxes, and He knew He could send a random disciple to the lake to pick up the first fish he found! C'mon, Jesus has organizational skills that are literally out of this world. We cannot out think or out do God. Let Him have your every single teeny tiny care -- and obviously the big cares, that goes without saying.   

Whatcha gonna do with all that spare time you have after you stop worrying?  I don't know, go fish I guess!  Wear gloves. 

Ode de'Manure

 OMG...I am not kidding; if someone would be wise enough to create a manure scented candle I would buy it! I say that, and I mean that, but it would need to be a horse manure scent, not a cow patty, and it would also have to have either good alfalfa added to the mix and/or some good 14% protein pellet scents as well. I would buy a dozen candles and keep my house smelling like a barn year around. If you think I'm kidding, you don't know me. If you know me, and you think you don't want to come visit me if my house smells like a barn, I'm pretty sure you and I are not really that close.  I love my barn.

Toby Keith (good Oklahoma boy) wrote a song about loving his bar, but I could write a song (and may just do that now that I'm thinking about it) about loving my barn.  You can't beat a good barn. You can go by yourself, you can take friends and family. You can stay all day, you can hang out for a few hours. I will say this; I don't think I've ever gone to the barn and left only a few minutes after arriving. You really can't do that even if you're just dropping off feed, hay, tack, or meds. You (I) have to go through the barn, visit every last occupied stall, kiss every last horse, pony, donkey, pig, cow, whatever happens to be in the barn. I have to find the cats, make sure they're fed. I usually try to locate a dog or two; depending on whether the owner's dogs are out or if some other boarder has brought their hounds. You just (I just) can't leave a barn in under an hour - - it's not happening.

Some of the more interesting things that take place at the barn can't really be recorded in writing otherwise we'd all be in trouble, but we can report that we have poop parties where we dig our arms in elbow high once the manure is on the trailer, and we toss around a few pounds of good healthy horse poop. It's sort of like dodge ball, but not really - - I mean, you dodge obviously, and there is screaming involved....lots of screaming usually.  Did I mention we have a really good time at the barn?   Since our barn is open to us 24/7 we've been known to show up in the middle of the night and have a cookout. We've had pajama parties, nothing inappropriate mind you.  We've had Pyrate Nite at the barn, and we'll do that again. There is of course horseback riding going on, but not usually in the middle of the night as the horses are cognitive of what time it is and they give you that "FACE" that lets you know it's not a good time....come back after the roosters crow! Come back AFTER breakfast.

Most of the time the barn is a sanctuary where we can breathe in good hearty air full of rustic wood chips, stinky mounds of poop, horse sweat, grain, and the occasional dead rodent or possum that got stuck between the walls. (This may surprise you, but I do know the distinct difference in the smell(s) of a dead raccoon vs a dead possum.) Most of the time you can count on friends showing up or already being there when you arrive, and there's someone to go riding with. If you don't feel like riding, if your horse doesn't feel like being ridden, or if the weather just isn't cooperating, you can still groom the animals, clean the stalls, rake the arena, mend something that somehow came undone, and you can ALWAYS find something that needs attention at a barn...even if it's just the cats. Attention will be paid.

Yeah, give me the barn. Give me the smell. Give me the sweaty back of a rugged stead every day, call it heaven.  Nothing -- and I do mean NOTHING smells like a horse.  Prove me wrong. 

MCT - Doin' It!

 WHY NOT? I'm doing everything else to lose weight, I may as well try the Keto Science brand MCT oil for the cause.  Of course, if you know me, you know I'm praying about my weight loss too, and before I give credit to any product or exercise routine I'm going to say THANK YOU, JESUS because He really is in charge of whether or not my body does actually drop the added extra weight. If He wanted to He could keep it right where it is - - I am thankful and very grateful that the working out, eating correctly, sleeping longer hours, drinking hot lemon cinnamon cumin infused tea, and NOW the MCT oil, is actually working.  

Supposedly MCT is good for a few things going on inside your body besides weight loss. It is supposed to help with depression, anxiety, helps athletes exercise longer, helps with lactose intolerance, reduces risks of heart disease, helps with liver issues such as cancer and even supposedly assists with mind/memory issues for those suffering with early onset alzheimer's disease. We'll see.

I'm still not comfortable saying how VERY VERY heavy I was because to do so may trigger someone else who is the same weight I was; they may feel comfortable at that weight, and by me saying I was obese it may upset them to think they are also obese. I will say this, unless you are so very very very dense boned and have compact super duper strong muscles, you can't possibly have been the same height and weight I was at the beginning of this diet and still be healthy. I can say that with confidence, but when you think about it, a skinny pig is not attractive, and no one wants to see a skinny elephant either, so you have to take the body shape, the genetics, and especially the framework in mind before coming to conclusions about another person's weight or size. I personally, me, I feel that I was grossly over weight and it not only made me feel self conscious, it stopped me from looking at myself in mirrors or my reflection in a glass window. I would even turn from my shadow because it reminded me of my girth. I never considered myself to be disgusting but I certainly unhappy with my weight and I was not about to claim otherwise.

Sometime in August 2020 I literally woke up and decided to make the necessary change in my body, in my mind, in my spirit, in my diet, in my lifestyle, and it was the moment I had been waiting for, the moment I had put off more than 22 years. Something had to change. EVERYTHING had to change.  Again, if you know me, you know you can throw me to the wolves and I'll come out leading them rather than being killed. I am not about to let something get the best of me twice. I will fight myself tooth and nail to get what I think is best for myself; I won't let me stop me, and if I won't let me stop me you can bet I won't let anyone else stop me either.

MCT oil is not the latest fad, it's been around for a while now, and mostly talked about through Keto diet sites, on blogs, podcasts, and in magazines with the Keto lifestyle being center. I did my due diligence on the Keto Diet and determined that I was a candidate for it, but also decided that I can't be trapped into one path; I simply need to take the best of what Keto has to offer and use it to the best of my educated abilities. I read, research and ponder. I do my thought processes and I don't mind trial and error as long as I know the results will be beneficial and and not wanton. I won't waste my time with fads and gimmicks. I am far too busy and stubborn in my ways to play games of any kind. When I play chess I don't PLAY chess, I slaughter, I destroy, and I take over, but I never PLAY chess. I've all but given up on the "game" because I don't like ending relationships.

According to all the research I could find the best product that was both useful, effective, and affordable was the Keto Science brand MCT oil product for about $12.00 a 15 oz. bottle and I'll be able to use it for about 3 weeks probably before needing another one. You take 1-2 tablespoons a day after you've worked your way up to it, and you can take more if you can physically take it - - but there are side effects that you need to be aware of. You don't want to just guzzle the oil down expecting to see results the second you do. Actually, about 10 minutes after I took the first tablespoon I had a massive belly pang that ended up being a gas festival, so you do need to do your research to know what can happen to your body when you introduce caprylic acid and capric acids into your system. Try to get an MCT oil that doesn't have lauric acid - - another reason I chose Keto Science. I'm not sure why lauric acid isn't as effective, but the research said to stay away from it, so I did. (See, I can follow orders when necessary)

Here is a blurb about it from the makers.  Hopefully I'll start seeing a greater drop in my weight very soon, and I'll keep you posted. Since day 1, which was 4 months ago, I've dropped 26 pounds. I have another 26 to go really, and wouldn't mind dropping 30. We'll see.  ENJOY and hopefully you'll find that the benefits outweigh the side effects.

Product description

Keto Science Ketogenic MCT Oil is a research-proven real food product with amazing health properties and advantages. It provides a variety of desirable health benefits, including weight management, satiety (fullness) and a source of energy. Keto Science MCT Oil is an excellent addition to your favorite coffee or tea beverage, enabling you to add health benefits to your lifestyle in a convenient form every day*. Medium chain triglycerides (MCTs) are the major beneficial fatty acids found in coconut oil, and are not stored in the same way as other saturated fats. Instead, MCTs are quickly broken down into fuel (in the form of ketones) to provide a fast energy source for both your brain and muscles. It thereby reduces the need for carbohydrates for energy, which can help reduce carb cravings, plus it helps promote the burning of body fat for additional energy*. Keto Science Ketogenic MCT Oil is derived from only the finest natural coconuts and is created using a triple steam distillation process. No chemicals or solvents of any kind are utilized in the extraction and distillation of this premium quality MCT oil. Keto Science MCT Oil is carefully emulsified to ensure a complete blend of medium train triglycerides that go into solution fast for convenient use when mixed with your favorite coffee, tea or other beverage*. Because of its triple steam distillation process and pure coconut oil sourcing, Keto Science MCT Oil is rich in the important medium train triglycerides Caprylic Acid (C8) and Capric Acid (C10)*. Keto Science Ketogenic MCT Oil represents the finest liquid supplement that can be mixed with the hot or cold drink of your choice. Just one tablespoon provides a full range of nutritious MCTs to help provide energy, reduce appetite and help promote burning of body fat to make you look and feel your best. Enjoy the benefits of Keto Science Ketogenic MCT Oil combined with a healthy diet and exercise program and you’ll be one step closer to looking and feeling your best!

My Edinburgh

 My Edinburgh 

 

She sleeps within my arms at night 

Silent as a picture 

Deeply etched within my mind

  

Her streets, cobbled as they wind 

Her skirts tossed north, south, east, and west 

Dancing parks and laughter 

Rippling motorways and rails 

Thousands stroll her pathways 

She edges over, holds me tight 

Her whispers sear my soul

 

She tells of her past and how  

She’s thought of me from old 

She tells me how she’ll draw me close, how 

She’ll drape my heart, elation 

I lean to kiss her fading face

And realize my ransom 

She, my Edinburgh, my temptress 

She my dream, my muse 

One day we’ll embrace and how 

But now she is aloof 

One day she will be my home 

 

For now, I am her hostage 

Soon I’ll dance within her soul 

My Edinburgh, my essence 

 

Jude Stringfellow    12/31/2020 

When God Speaks - Listen.

 Not all the time, but there are times when it is absolutely unmistakable that God is speaking to me. I don't know, and I can't know how that will be for you, or how it is for someone else, but for me it is a feeing of "knowing" or "revealing" that happens. It's just usually a second or less, a wave of information will flow and glide over my heart. It doesn't matter where I am at the time, I know I'm supposed to stop what I'm doing and pay close attention to the next few seconds as they will indeed bring about an awareness about something I'm supposed to pray over. Lately, and for the last year or so, God has had me praying for one person mostly. Of course, I do pray for others and I always pray for my own, but I have been led to pray specifically for one man who isn't anywhere near me but God has asked me (without any doubt whatsoever) to keep that man in my prayers and lifted up to God on a very regular basis. When I don't do it I'm reminded; and I return right back to the closet where I can be alone with God and I go straight into intercession for my "friend".  I've taken to calling him my friend for lack of any other word that would work in this situation.  If we were in the same place at the same time we would no doubt become fast friends so I feel pretty good about calling him one.

Today I had that feeling again. I had been doing a bit of research through his social media trying to understand what it was or is that I may need to be praying about but he's very private, holding everything close to the breast, and not willing to make his situation public - - and that is 100% understandable as well as commendable. He isn't an extrovert, he isn't outspoken, but he is adventurous and outgoing. He will be OK, but for right now he's going through something that he won't speak about and today I figured out what it was by using both discernment and logical perception.  He's on the cusp of going through the hardest thing he's ever faced and he's already faced so much in his life. God has always been there for him, as God is there for you, for me...but often times we can't go it alone even if we think we are alone, God prepares hearts wherever HE chooses to pray for us. We may not realize it, but it's true. God prepares everything, every detail, there is NOTHING you can go through that He won't be able to hold you through, or bring you through. You (friend) are not alone in this. I am here.

Everyone of us have gifts granted to us by God Himself. We are given insight, we are told secrets, we are allowed to see what isn't revealed if we will ask for that blessing. If we ask God for wisdom He is just and faithful to give it to us and in great measure. If we ask for discernment He will give that to us as a blessing, not a curse. We should always remember from whence comes the power of God, and not give a tiny bit of credit for these unveilings to anything or anyone other than God! We ourselves do NOT have the power, and if we seek the power from tarot cards, witches, demons, Satan, or some sort of OUIJA board game, we will in fact be given that power but at a tremendous cost to our souls. We are NEVER to dip into that pool of wickedness, but ONLY seek the Truth from the Truth Himself; this being said, God will always guide you through your desire to know more if you ask and if you seek HIS will through the revealing. 

I didn't ask God for this particular "assignment", but it was given to me. I accepted it, and by doing so I made a covenant to God that I would fulfill my end, praying and asking for intercession for this man. I would be the voice he needs, or I will add my voice to his prayer, and be in agreement with him so that two are gathered even if "gathering" is done over space and time.  Because we are separated by both space and time I had a ring created to wear on my left hand to remind me to pray for this man. I don't wear the ring on my "wedding" finger, but my middle finger as it is the finger that is longest, strongest, and central to my hand. It literally reminds me to stop, go where I can be with God, and pray for this man. The ring is pictured below. Most people don't go into such depth I suppose in order to pray for someone, maybe they pray once or twice, but God asked me to NOT STOP praying for the man, so I decided to make it a priority to do what I've been asked to do.  By doing so I am fulfilling my obligation, which in turn shows God I am delighting in Him, and therefore I will also receive a blessing for having done so.  That's a promise we all have which is recorded in Psalms 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."  The next verse goes on to say "Commit yourself to Him, and HE will bring it to pass."  I like that; HE will bring it to pass, not me. HE will.

The ring is simple: two stones, blue and gold. They are placed in sterling silver, a good working metal, not a precious metal, but a solid one.  The blue stone is square and represents the man. He is a man, he is mostly square.  He is blue. He's always been blue. I am gold. I have always been gold. Because I am a woman, my stone is round. Most women are rounder than square. We are separated by time and space, but we are connected by Christ. The ring is a perfect reminder of my promise to God, His promise to me, and my commitment to pray for my friend.  

If you hear or feel the pang in your heart (soul) to pray for someone please take a minute to ask God if it is the right thing to do, and if He is the one asking you to do so. He'll let you know.  You never know if the prayers you send today will be the saving grace for someone you've never met. They are never wasted, and they are never unappreciated -- because God appreciates your obedience.  Listen to your heart; it can make all the difference in this world, and even the next. 

Kilty! Kilty! Kilty! (I Confess)

 Yeah, it's true, I am a fan of men in kilts -- notice I did not say "skirts" because a kilt, my friend, is not a skirt - - it's a magical, beautiful thing, but it isn't a skirt.  There are very few things in this world that will stop me in my tracks leaving my lower chin on the ground, than to see a big, husky, bearded Scotsman tying the laces of his dirty black boots (knee slightly elevated of course) on a rock, while wearing his family colors.  Lord, have mercy! (and by "have mercy" I do mean send that handsome man over immediately!)  Give me the big, bulky, bearded, hairy man over the pristine pretty boys EVERY time.

I don't know when it happened; when the first time the site of a man wearing a kilt had such an immense impact on me as a woman, but as a young girl I remember thinking it was both entertaining to watch men in parades playing bagpipes, and to watch them proudly strut around in plaid kilts. I always wondered why some had this color and some had that, and why some had "purses" hanging from their waists but others didn't. I questioned my mom to the point that she drug me to the Bethany Library and found a few books on the subject to keep my wee mind busy.  You don't know this, but from the time I was 4 I was literally jumping over my neighbor's fence to walk a solid straight mile to the Bethany Library so I could "read" books.  Pictures are great too you know, and there they were - - all kilty and pretty. At that age I only looked at the kilts...today I tend to look past the kilt and let my mind wander. I do exercise the brain from time to time, it will wander to really cool places like the Highlands, the Lowlands, the Isle of Skye, Dunbar's Coastline....anywhere I can find a piper, but I'd take a bearded guitarist in a kilt as well, as long as he was wearing dirty black boots and being a man about it.

My good friends know, KNOW, I love kilty men so they often times send me posts, memes, little tacky things to keep my mouth smiling and my eyes popping.  This past Christmas I think I received about 6 new posts with unkilted Scotsman holding wreaths making excuses as to where their kilts were.  I had to laugh because I know that in Scotland the average home doesn't have a dryer in it so they hang their clothes on a "green line" outside...it RAINS in Scotland (a lot) so their kilts were probably soggy! Poor Scotsmen standing there all bear butt naked with flowery wreaths; just made me want to fly over to Edinburgh to make sure they stay warm! (wait....I'm wandering again) :) 

Soon and very soon I'll be in the land of the plaided love cloths! I'll escape America for the shores of clifted grace, unending pipes, swirling woodwinds, harps and of course, an acoustic guitar; you can't have music (not real music anyway) without an acoustic guitar! I'll trek the streets of Old Town, become one with the cobblestones of Glasgow, sweat as I climb to Arthur's Seat, and know the calling of my people in the mewing of the Lowland's winds and air. I will be home.   Once I am home I'll probably take a minute to enjoy the air, the sky, the very rocks my feet feel beneath them, but it will NOT take me long to search for that brawny bearded bull bending over to tie is dirty boot.  I will find one! I don't know what the heck I'll do with him when I do, but I will at least stare a good minute and probably giggle a little...wandering....just wandering. 

Keto BHB - - Doin' It!

 This will no doubt be another short blog, sort of like a public service announcement really.  So, I'm about to embark on yet another method of taking supplements or powders in order to get this stupid fat off my belly!  I'm about sick and tired of it, and I've declared war on my own body.  It's OK, I'm not really in conflict with myself; I know I don't mean myself any real harm, I'm just not responding as quickly as I want to regarding the lemon tea, the dieting, fasting, working out, sleeping longer hours, and you know, all the dang effort I'm putting into this  get-better-looking-for-yourself  thing. Believe me when I say there is no man in my life that I'm trying to (or want to) impress. This transformation is for me and me only. I decided to be healthier, I decided to be stronger, I decided to be thinner, more energetic, and that means I have to kick my own butt to make it happen.  If I had to be honest about it, I'd say that I made this decision about 30 years too late, but there was reason for it. Better late than never! We're doing this.

Keto BHB powder/salts are out there, and I did my research before buying one. I finally decided on the Sierra Fit brand of Keto BHB with its 6000 mg of power in its mixed berry lemonade blend. I have to be honest, it's not bad but it's not something I'd want to serve at a reunion either. I'll drink it every day until the canister is gone, and I'll keep track of all the workouts, food intake, water intake, etc, etc, to see if any changes have been made having added it to my routine. By now you'd think this plateau would be LONG gone, but nope, it likes me. It likes me too much. I'm told by the medical experts that the plateau happens when you reach a certain BMI (body mass index) but I've got fat to lose! If I had to be SUPER honest, I'd say I have a true 30 pounds I can shed without feeling grossly thin - - but I'd like to take off more and add back muscle. I think what's happening now due to the H.I.T.T. (weight and strength training) is that I'm adding muscle as I lose fat and weight, so the scale isn't tipping, but my pants are falling off; which can be a good thing - - but that can also be a bad thing depending on where you are when they do decide to drop! Mostly, I've taken to wearing yoga pants so there isn't much of a chance of that happening.

OK, that's about it, I'll keep you posted. Viva la Loss of Appetite. 

Last Nite - Pyrate Nite!

 Ahoy!!  C'mon lassies bring your legs. We be a dancin' on the last night of the year! Flyin' the flag, hoisting the laughs and pouring out the poetry thicker than a strong ale! No boys allowed in this our last hoo-rah before we give up the nastiness of 2020 to the spirited breeze of the skies. Gone! Gone with the old hand-it-to-the-dogs drudgery - - WE FEAST on the words of our sisters, the pangs of our hearts, the blood of our enemies in both dream and hard hand. We push through ladies, making this our greatest Pyrate Nite of pasts - - here's hoping for many more twirls on the pole in the future with ya! 

Don't let the dusk bite you in the arse before you make it o'er my threshold! 

Girls Don't Do That -- Do They?

"Honey, hold my cigar, I gotta go pee!" I remember the first time I said that to a man and when I came back literally less than a minute later, he had snuffed out the butt end of my cigar like I wasn't expected to return for a while.  The look I gave him must have let him know he didn't quite stack up to my expectations either, and to be honest with you, our first date was our last one. Mind you, this was before people got on social media and posted every damn thing that happens to them during a 24-hour period. I am just as guilty as a swingin' horse thief for that one, because I do actually (pretty much) post most everything interesting that happens to me during a 24-hour period. It's a dang good thing I'm not having sex these days - - I could be considered an erotica author by the amount of posting I might do if I was. I'd be so pleased with myself I'm sure.  Nope, nothing really all that exciting really goes on these days, unless you count my dreams. 

Living in a Southern state (Oklahoma is considered a Southwestern state, but I still claim to be from the South since Oklahoma City is south of Tulsa, even if it's just a little bit further south. We are 100% below the Mason-Dixon line, therefore, we are considered people of the South, and I will uphold my manners, eat my grits with butter, and string my pole with strong string 'cause there ain't no reason to let a good fish off the hook just because you bought cheap line! (You can read into that last one if you want to, it's a double-meaning sort of thing.) 

Where I come from, we're taught that boys don't hit girls, girls don't bring a boy home unless he's willing to look Daddy in the eye and shake his hand, and we certainly don't bring muddy boots into the house, ever!  We're taken to church on the first Sunday following our birth, we stay in that church until we die, and we never marry anyone whose last name could have been the same last name as one of our cousins at least three generations back - - unless their names are like Brown, Green, Black, White, Jones, Johnson, Wilson, Williams, or something you can't necessarily do decent research on because there are so many of them to start with. We just assume the gene pool will work itself out at that point.  

Where I come from girls are girls and boys are boys, men are usually grown ass boys, and women have more than enough swing in their caboose to catch a man off guard long enough to marry him for a 50–60-year spell, make a few babies, raise a few chickens, train a bunch of horses, and fill up the pews for a few more decades when the old folks die off and go see Jesus.  It was at a family member's funeral that I had asked my date to hold my cigar - - where I come from going to a funeral on a date isn't out of the question if the guy knew the dead person too; it just makes sense to show up together and at least have someone to talk to and play "Under the Sheets" with when you start singing old hymns. 

If you don't know what playing "Under the Sheets" is you aren't a Baptist, hell, you may not even be a Methodist -- they don't play it as often but it does happen if they bring a Baptist friend to church with them. What you do is you pick up your hymnal when the music leader instructs you to, and he'll tell you where to turn.  Let's say he says "Please turn to page 367" and then he tells you the title of the song, which is something like "Blessed Assurance" and when he says the name of the song, you turn to your friend and say "Under the Sheets".  You can play the game quietly for a while, but sooner or later someone turns to "He Touched Me" or "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" and then there's no way to hold back the snorting at that point. You will be caught by at least 2 choir members, your Mama, and a deacon or two - - be prepared to either stand up straight without looking anyone in the eyes, or just leave! It's often best to just leave.  

If you know me you know I don't actually attend church anymore. I watch it online about 4x a week, and I go through the internet researching prophecy, but just to keep things moving I do call up an old Methodist friend now and again to recall some of the shenanigans we "Good Christian Kids" did back in the day. I remember swimming in the baptismal on a Saturday, having climbed into a window I left open the week before.  I've climbed on top of the church during services. I've left to ride horses in the back pasture behind the church. I've sat in a completely random seat just to confuse my family members. I did that so often I didn't really have an "assigned" seat. The preacher just has to guess where I was!  

I think I was raised right. I know I love Jesus.  I may act the fool from time to time, but He knows me, and He loves me.  He wouldn't mind it if I lit up a cigar now and again either. Girls do that sort of thing. We really do...here in the South anyway. 

 This is the actual church I was raised in, and saved in when I was almost 6 years old.

It May be a Southern Thang.

 You know how you go to the store and a man will open up the door for you? (I mean, that is of course, if the door isn't an electric door) You start to approach the door and you see a man about to walk away from it, but then he turns and gives you a little nod just before he reaches out to pull the handle on the door to let you inside - - it may very well be a lost form of masculinity, but one this Southern girl dearly appreciates.  I was walking through the parking lot of our local grocery store just this morning with one of God's best creations. When I say that God really out did Himself on this one, I do mean it.  I was walking through the parking lot with my son Reuben who, by the way, was raised by a good Christian Southern woman who was also herself raised by a good Christian Southern woman, WHO, in case you were wondering, was raised by a good Christian Southern woman!  I'm talking to my son when I realized I was talking to myself, he was NO WHERE to be seen.  I glance around and finally found him; he had literally sprinted ahead of me to get the door not only for me, but for the two ladies who were arriving just before I was about to step into the doorway.  The smile on my face!  You could have seen it a mile away and around a bend!  The two ladies did their part too; they gave a giggle and a nod to my gallant son and of course they smiled at me too because they KNOW where he learned his good manners.

I tend to brag on my son's good looks more often I suppose than I do my two daughters.  I can't help myself, he's taller, rugged and the soldier mentality of his just oozes toxic masculinity, something I am absolutely a fan of -- no Metro pansy boys for me, thank you very much. Give me a man every single time!  My daughters are gorgeous of course, but in very different ways. Funny how you can have two kids from the same two parents and just 14 months apart, but they come out looking so very different from one another, and boy howdy, did they ever turn out different in their ways, means, emotions, attitudes and behaviors. You can't get more day and night than you do with Laura and Caity, that's for damn sure. It may be another Southern thang, but I do say "boy howdy" and "that's for damn sure" now again.

Laura, my introverted, somewhat shy-to-speak-to-humans type is 31 years old and really she doesn't date anyone. It may be because she's always got a horse in her hands or it could be because she's rather observant and has noticed that most of her friends have already started on their 2nd marriage, they have kids strung out across the nation, and they tend to get all gussied up for someone who only wants to use and abuse them  - her assessment of the situation anyway.  It could also be because she's just not social really, and being at the barn is going to be the best place a man (who also owns horses) will ever catch her attention. She doesn't take selfies, she's not into make up other than when she cos-plays or does online animation videos and Tik Toks.  She's a gamer, a streamer, has thousands of "followers" but only 2 actual friends. She's really pretty in a natural way, but very few actually SEE that.

Caity - - let's see, how do we describe Caity Baby? I'd say a loaded firecracker as opposed to one that has already been set off. She's full (and I do mean FULL) of energy and surprises. She's drop dead gorgeous in the most usual and commonly acceptable way, and she knows it. She literally tells herself every day how pretty she is, and she won't allow anyone to treat her less than the queenly manner in which she has grown accustomed to.  She is a Leo by zodiac, perhaps that matters. (Laura is a Taurus, quite stubborn and bullheaded) Caity is also an exhibitionist - - EVERYONE will see how she looks either with or without clothes, and she really doesn't give a damn what they may say or think about it. She's quite pleased with herself and who she is, therefore she's her own woman...again, it may very well be a Southern Thang.  Both girls are Christians, solid believers in Christ, but we do say that Caity will be the one flipping the Devil off on the way to Glory.

Being born a Baptist wasn't a bad thing either - - in my opinion everyone should be a Baptist for about 10-12 years and get the benefit of learning every tiny detail about every single story in the Bible. Then when they reach the age of accountability they need to read the Word from their own point of view and do their meditation, prayer, and seeking of God's will -- that is NOT a Southern thang, but a Gospel thang.  I'm so very grateful my Lord decided to set me in the great Southwestern state of Oklahoma; perhaps I would have preferred to be born in the Lowlands of Scotland bordering England, but we'll never know - - I have a twang, not a drawl, and certainly not a brogue.  It's a Southern Thang.