Lisa Roecker's Blog, page 16

Celebstalking with LiLa (the afternoon edition)

Yeah, yeah, I'm late. But there are probably only two people who really care:

1. Kim Johnson from the Regulator's office. She is probably our single most loyal blog lurker. (Hi Kim! Hopefully you'll be able to see this on your lunch break. We still never had a chance to discuss my hatred of John Travolta, but hopefully soon!)

2. Matthew MacNish the only person who is awake early enough to almost always score first comment. Sorry Matt. Hope you're having a great weekend. Maybe you should spend it polishing your super awesome manuscript that agents are already salivating over? You rock.

Moving on....


Isn't it strange that Kate Bosworth and Rachel Bilson kind of have the same face? Also I really, really want whatever lipstick they're wearing. It's so pretty and natural.



This picture explains so much about Kanye West. I mean, clearly he is rocking some MAJOR Little Man Syndrome. If only someone had alerted the media that he's roughly 5'3 before that whole VMA debacle, MTV could have saved Taylor Swift a whole lot of heartache and arranged for Jay Z to tuck him safely into his pocket for the evening.

Is it just me or is Ashley Simpson LOVING the fact that J. Simp is all swollen and pregnant? I have this theory that Ashley is behind every single one of Jessica's problems including but not limited to:

- Her complete lack of style ("OMG Jess, those high waisted jeans are SUPER flattering. Your ass looks amazing!"
- Daisy getting eaten by a coyote ("Look Daisy! A friendly dog has come over to play with you. Why don't you take this piece of raw meat over there to share with him....FETCH!"
- Her new reality show ("Oxygen is totally the new MTV and look at all the amazing things Newlyweds did for you and Nick!"

This is a Lifetime movie waiting to happen.



Ah Gwynnie. Love the dress. I'll admit it. You've got flair. But was it really necessary to post a picture of the donuts Mario Batali made for your kids in your GOOP holiday guide? I mean, honestly. It's not like they're for sale and name dropping is (theoretically) beneath you.



Yup. Jessica Alba popped out a baby like half an hour ago and now she looks like this. I think I might actually hate her more than Gwyneth. I'll go eat another fun sized Snickers and mull it over.

Bookanistas: VIRTUOSITY

There is absolutely nothing like a stunning book cover. Especially a book cover for young people. Take a moment and consider walking away from this cover. It's just not gonna happen. I don't care what kind of book you're in the store searching for, if this were to catch your eye, you would pick it up, read the back and buy. Right? Right. The black and pink and hair flipping goodness. It just doesn't get any better. Well, until you actually read the book.What the back cover has to say: Now is not the time for Carmen to fall in love. And Jeremy is hands-down the wrong guy for her to fall for. He is infuriating, arrogant, and the only person who can stand in the way of Carmen getting the one thing she wants most: to win the prestigious Guarneri competition. Carmen's whole life is violin, and until she met Jeremy, her whole focus was winning. But what if Jeremy isn't just hot...what if Jeremy is better?

Carmen knows that kissing Jeremy can't end well, but she just can't stay away. Nobody else understands her--and riles her up--like he does. Still, she can't trust him with her biggest secret: She is so desperate to win she takes anti-anxiety drugs to perform, and what started as an easy fix has become a hungry addiction. Carmen is sick of not feeling anything on stage and even more sick of always doing what she's told, doing what's expected.
Sometimes, being on top just means you have a long way to fall.... 
What Lila has to say:
I could not put this book down. Virtuosity was beautifully written and completely engrossing. Stage mothers, raw talent, crazy rich grandparents and romance combine to bring the world of concert violinists fully alive. I loved watching Carmen's awakening from a scared, controlled girl into a self-possessed woman forced to make a life-altering decision. Fans of Simone Elkeles and Sarah Dessen are going to fall head over heels for Jessi Martinez and I predict Virtuosity is going to earn her an army of fan girls.
Check out what the other Bookanistas are up to this week:


Elana Johnson gushes about THE GIRL OF FIRE AND THORNS

Shelli Johannes-Wells praises Addison Moore's books

Rosemary Clement-Moore gets all wrapped up in WRAPPED

Jessi Kirby talks VIRTUOSITY

Nikki Katz screams for LEGEND

Katy Upperman sets us all up for BEFORE I FALL

I'm Single and There's an NBA Lock Out

Not gonna lie, Andy Samberg's Kris Chris Humphries made me pee my pants a little.

Happy Tuesday!

Daylight Savings

So remember when it was March 13th and we were all supposed to set our clocks ahead an hour for daylight savings time?
Well, I was so bitter about losing an hour of sleep that I refused to set the radio in my car to the correct time.
For the first few weeks, I wanted a daily reminder that I should have still been fast asleep in bed when I was schlepping the kids to school in the morning. And then throughout the summer I just sort of got used to being an hour behind whilst navigating the streets of suburbia.  It gave me the illusion of actually being early.
And now, finally my stubborness has paid off. While the rest of you losers were messing around with your car radios, trying to set your clocks back, I was laughing. LAUGHING. Because yesterday, I was right on time and I never even had to touch a button.
Suck on that daylight savings.

Celebstalking by LiLa

This picture inspired me to get down on my knees and say the Act of Contrition. I may be a lapsed Catholic, but I'm not that lapsed.

Another one bites the dust.

I really, really wish I had some rudimentary photoshop skills to put a big old red X right on Gisele's perfect face. I didn't think I could hate her any more after her assanine stance on childbirth and breastfeeding and then she did this. Maybe Padre Kardashian can perform an exorcism.

Every time I see a picture of Ann Hathaway with a new boyfriend, I get a pit in my stomach. Girlfriend has extraordinarily bad luck with men.

Really, Zach Effron? REALLY?

I was skeptical when SJP tried to convince us that she rolls around in a minivan and this pretty much seals the deal that she's a big fat liar. I mean, that hat and a minivan don't even exist in the same universe. Nice try, SJP. Nice try. Try a sad beret from Target next time and then maybe I'll believe you're rocking out in an Odyssey.
Happy weekend everyone! If you happen to live near Ohio come see us at The Buckeye Book Fair tomorrow. We'll be there with The Regulator and the 3rd Roecker Sister. I don't want to brag, but we're staying in a hotel with a free breakfast buffet and we might swing by the Smucker's factory on our way home. Not gonna lie, those are two things that legitimately get me very excited.

Bookanistas: SIRENZ and WINNER ANNOUNCEMENT!

First of all, a HUGE congratulations goes out to Rebekkah Ford who is the proud new owner of 3 creepy books in the Past Midnight series by Mara Purnhagen! BUT...do NOT read these books if you are alone at night. You've been warned. Rebekkah, email us your address and we'll pop them in the mail for you ASAP.

Okay, moving right along. Pay attention because the following is extremely important.

Stop what you're doing. Click here and use 1-click to purchase a copy of this book. Better yet, purchase a few copies to give away as holiday presents. You will not regret this decision. Have we ever been wrong before?

Okay, so you already know how we feel about ARE YOU GOING TO KISS ME NOW by Sloane Tanen, well SIRENZ gave us a very similar feeling except it involves MYTHOLOGY! You guys...who doesn't love mythology?! This book is the absolute perfect break from some of the darker, more serious YA we've been reading as of late and takes a completely different take on a story involving Gods and Goddesses.
Here's what the back cover has to say:Bickering frenemies Meg and Shar are doing some serious damage at a midnight sample sale when the fashionistas find themselves arguing over a pair of shoes-with fatal consequences. One innocent bystander later, the girls are suddenly at the mercy of Hades, Lord of the Underworld himself. To make them atone for what they've done, Hades forces the teens to become special-assignment Sirens, luring to the Underworld an individual whose unholy contract is up.

Finding that delicate balance between their fashion addiction and their new part-time job in the eternal hellfire biz turns out to be harder than Meg and Shar expected, especially when an entire pantheon of Greek deities decides to get involved. Then there's the matter of the fine print in their own contracts...

Lila's Take:

If the Shopaholic Series/Bridget Jones Diary and the Percy Jackson books had a girl baby, her name would be SIRENZ. And yet this book is completely original with absolutely HILARIOUS modern imaginings of immortals. Hades will make you snort. And yet there's so much more to this book than pee-your-pants-one-liners. Meg and Shar swith POVs, which we love, and are dealing with issues beyond answering to Hades and his manipulations so there's a ton of growth throughout the book.

AND...it's entertaining without being inappropriate, dirty or over-the-top. So freaking refreshing. Plus, the perfect gift for ALL girls. How often can you say that?

AND...it's written by TWO authors. Two amazing authors. We get them! They get us! This makes us happy. Very, very happy.

So I hope we've convinced you that you need this book. Because you do. Go. Click. Buy.

Check out what the other Bookanistas are up to this week:

Elana Johnson is crazy about Crossed and Shatter Me
Christine Fonseca interviews Kids Inventing! author Susan Casey 
Shelli Johannes-Wells dishes on Become (Desolation Book #1)
Beth Revis celebrates books for which she's grateful – with gigantic signed book giveaway
Jessi Kirby applauds Virtuosity
Megan Miranda marvels at How to Save a LifeRosemary Clement Moore is wild for The Iron Witch
Veronica Rossi is amazed by Shatter Me  

The Dirtiest Word

Guilt.

You guys, I am wracked with guilt on a daily basis.

Guilt that I'm constantly multitasking. Jack drew a picture of me for school. I had orange hands connected to what looked like a small tombstone. I thought it was Halloween related. But no, it was a computer. I immediately added an extra $100 to Jack's Psychotherapy Fund.

Guilt that I don't have time to read every single amazing book written by every single amazing author that we've interacted with on Twitter.

Guilt that we don't have time to respond to all of your awesome comments on our blog. You should know I respond to every single one IN MY HEAD. Too bad Steve Jobs didn't come up with a mind reading app before he died. Stupid cancer.

Now I feel guilty that I made a glib comment about Steve Jobs and he's dead.

So. Much. Guilt.

The problem is that I'm a mom. I'm a wife. I have friends that aren't on Twitter. I have a day job. And I desperately want to be a successful writer. And all of those jobs leave very little time for all of the stuff listed above. Intellectually I know that it's not a big deal. I'm sure you guys understand when it takes us forever to respond to your emails and you know that even though we try REALLY hard to reply to every single Tweet we get, sometimes we miss stuff.

Even though I know this, I can't stop the guilt. It just keeps coming.

So, how do you guys deal with balancing busy lives and writing and GUILT? Tell me your secrets in the comments. Please? I know I haven't really done much for you lately, but I'm BEGGING. Help a Roecker Sister out.

Tell The Truth Tuesday

Ok, ok, I'll admit it. I gasped out loud when I heard the news of Kim Kardashian's divorce yesterday.

Gasped.

Audibly.

I'm so embarrassed.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, go here.  Just make sure you don't take a big swig of Diet Coke before reading, because it's hilarious and Diet Coke really stings when you snarf it. Sadly, I speak from experience.

What's your shameful truth this Tuesday? Bet nothing's worse than mine.

Halloween Costume or Bad Wardrobe Decision - You Be the Judge

The sisters Roecker have had many Halloween costumes over the years ranging from adorable to abysmal. Sadly, we've had far more questionable fashion decisions than actual costumes. In celebration of Halloween we're going to post a random assortment of pictures and let you decide which were costumes and which were REALLY bad outfits. 
Happy Halloween!!!





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Celebstalking by LiLa

I watched Hereafter this week and I have to say the movie only made me love Matt Damon even more. He just seems like a quality individual. I mean, how often do you A-list celebs hanging with their dad?
[image error] Every time Leann Rimes smiles an angel loses it's wings. Or maybe it dies. Yup, that sounds about right. Every time Leann Rimes smiles an angel dies.

On behalf off women across America can I just say, "Aw HELL no." Seriously George? A pro-wrestler best known for DANCING WITH THE STARS? What has the world come to?


Speaking of the apocalypse, what's that I spy at the end of Blake Lively's long ass legs? UGGS. Suck on that Loretta Nyhan. Uggs are warm and comfortable and the preferred footwear of A-list celebrities everywhere. It just so happens I'm wearing a pair right now. They're grey and hideous and I love them.

Happy Friday!