Catherine Knutsson's Blog, page 9

Gaining Perspective

I haven't posted this in a while, but since it's such a good thing to revisit, I figured today was as good a day as any. "Perspective" was a handout given to me by my last voice teacher, and though it's geared to musicians, it really applies to any creative pursuit.

Perspective

If you can be happy doing something else, do it.

1. No one insists that you be a musician.

2. No one is going to pay you to practice.

3. There's no job or concert guarantee at the end of long training.

4. Four percent of the U.S. population supports the arts.

5. A musician's life is not "normal". It's a radical lifestyle. You need 4-5 hours a day of practicing or you're not in the game. The rest of your life has to fit around that pillar.

6. There's a difference between a life with music and a career in music. Find a place for your art.

7. Art is not, by definition, linked to fame and fortune. Art is simply what artists do. A "big" career is the rare exception, not the rule.

8. "Celebrity is conferred upon on by the mediocre and the rogues, with whom one is then bound to share it." – Camus

If you have decided that music is your vocation, relax, and adjust your sights.

9. Seek growth, not perfection.

10. Rework your life so that music is first; that's what your decision was all about.

11. Be patient with yourself. You don't have the deadlines other people have. It's your life's work. "Only the mediocre are impatient; the great know how to wait." – Pablo Cassels

12. Guard your time. It is the key to your development.

13. Look forward to spending a lot of time alone with your work.

14. Find mentors and supports systems that sustain and encourage you.

15. Only compete with yourself and your last best performance. Yours is a personal odyssey. What someone else does is part of their story, not yours.

16. Get the best information and training you can find. "Genius without education is like silver in the mine." – Benjamin Franklin

17. Continue to coach with people and seek other opinions.

18. Keep a balanced view of success and failure. The sun comes up tomorrow regardless. "It is nothing to succeed if one has taken great trouble and it is nothing to fail if one has done the best one could." – Nadia Boulanger

19. Stay flexible.

20. There is nothing wrong with doing some commercial music. It helps pay bills. If it takes too much time, re-evaluate.

21. "Ambition is not enough; necessity is everything." – Martha Graham

22. Your art will take everything you have – every strength, every insight, every effort, every minute. It is perhaps the most exhilarating and consuming way of life there is.

23. Keep your life simple. Where there is an intense interior life, the outside life needs to be calm.

24. Share your art with others via teaching, recitals, etc. It is of incalculable value and unending personal satisfaction. "You can't get the news from poems, but men die everyday for lack of what is found there." – William Carlos William

25. Realize that your gift is very special and affords you experiences others may never have. It is freely given, but you have to pay for it. "If you have a voice, your voice has you." – Shirley Verrett

26. The more talent you have, the longer it will take to hone it.

27. "Courage is the difference between talent and art." – Louise Nevelson.

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My New Normal

So. A little while ago, I had a inkling that something was amiss. At the time, I was pretty sure it was depression, but, not wanting to make a self-diagnosis, I booked myself an appointment with my doctor (who is a doctor of all awesomeness!). She was pretty sure I was suffering from depression too – after all, the last year has been a real roller coaster with family stuff, my gran's passing, book stuff, blah blah blah. But, to be certain, she sent me for some bloodwork, since I had also been experiencing incredible fatigue – like, sleeping 12 hours, and still not being able to function sort of fatigue.

Anyhow, the bloodwork came back with a blip. More testing ensued, and then, I waited to see the specialist.

Who I saw today. He informed me he is 95% certain, based on my ultrasound and bloodwork, that I have NASH – non-alcoholic steatohepatitis, a condition that runs in my family (it'll be 100% official once we know the results of today's bloodwork, which is just to rule out of a few other things it could also be). So, the doctor took me through what this diagnosis means, and said that the only real treatment was weight loss (something I've been working on anyhow), diet (about twenty pounds or so), and exercise, and if I did that, he felt my liver would rebound (isn't it amazing that the liver can do that?).

And then, I said something that, a year ago, I would never believed I would have said. I said to him, "Well, I guess this is just my new normal."

A year ago, my reaction would have involved tears and metaphorical running around like a chicken with my head cut off, and then, a bunch of "why me, why me?" moaning. Not that I won't still do that at some point – after all, it's probably healthy to moan and whinge and get that out, rather than trampling my emotions down and letting them fester.

But…why the change? Well, for one thing, a friend recommended I read Elizabeth Lesser's BROKEN OPEN, a book about how to gracefully move with life's difficulties. Things happen for a reason. That's one of those chestnuts that's thrown around these days, but the thing is: yes, they do. My friend recommended that book, and at the time, I didn't really want to read it, but I figured I would, since she felt it had value and thought it would be useful to me, and since my friend is a pretty smart cookie, I had nothing to lose, right? Maybe, I might even learn something! Amazing, that. Learning something from a book. Whodathunk?

Since then, other things have begun to fall into place. Another new writerly-friend suggested I read Natalie Goldberg, whose writing proved to be a real lifeline to my own when I found myself drifting aimlessly (thank you, Heather!). I had tea with a good friend and accomplished writer, whose blog posts always make me smile (thank you, Shari!). I got to spend time with my sister and niece and just play, and when things are tough and a little scary, there's nothing like spending time with a four year old and seeing the world through her eyes (and it doesn't hurt that said niece thinks Auntie is awesome. We all need someone like that in our lives!) My agent has such faith in me, and lately, we've been cooking up a writerly storm, reminding me how much I enjoy the collaborative part of creation, something I've dearly missed.

And most of all, my husband, who is such a good listener, and always makes me laugh. And always reminds me that whatever happens, things will be okay.

So yes, this is my new normal. It's a pretty nice normal, too, I think. Yes, the dietary changes are going to be challenging, and I'll have to take it easy for a bit, making sure I'm getting enough rest and really listening to my body. But, on the other hand, I've got a lot to look forward to: new book projects, running a 5k at Disneyland, autumn (I so love autumn!), some nice little story projects that I'm going to work on just for me, the start-up of therapeutic riding again, some dressage lessons…and lentils. There are many lentils in my new normal. Got good lentil recipes? Send them my way!

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A first, over on Presenting Lenore

It's Dystopian August over on the Presenting Lenore blog, and today has an interview with yours truly – a first for me, with thanks to Lenore for the opportunity.

So, should you wish, please check it out to learn a bit more about what I think about dystopian literature, dark stories, and things I'd like to do before the world ends!

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The case of the disappearing writer

So. Looks like I'm going to be scarce around these parts for a while. But, with good reason!

Good Reason #1: My sister and niece will be here soon for an all-too-needed visit.

Good Reason #2: I am up to my eyeballs writing a secret project – a secret project that I am VERY excited about.

Good Reason #3: It's August. Who wants to be inside anymore than they have to be? Not me.

But! I will attempt to stop in from time to time to post linkies and such. And! I have blog posts planned for the fall – one on critiquing, and one on dealing with rejection, and one on what talent means, and…other things, yet to be decided.

So yes. Stay tuned!

And with that, I am away!

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Dystopian August!

The lovely and talented Lenore is running her Dystopian August feature over on her blog – doom, doom, doom all August long (oh, and reviews, interviews, and giveaways too)! Go take a look – your to-be-read list will thank you!

(And, also, she's going to be posting an interview with me at some point, which will be my very first interview, which means it's super-scary, so…yeah…eek!)

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Changing Things Up

So. I've taken up running.

Up until recently, riding horses has been my exercise, and before anyone says " But doesn't the horse do all the work?", yes, and no. Some studies have shown that riders who are in serious work with their horses burn upwards of 450 calories per hour (if you're riding at a good working trot) – just sitting on a horse on a trail ride and letting it do all the work is something a little different (not that that isn't therapeutic in its own way…).

Anyhow, I digress…the thing is, I'm not riding, and haven't done for almost a year. I just can't afford it right now, but I need to do something, and running? Well, it's cheap. Just need a pair of shoes, and go! Well, okay, not *quite* that easy, but I've got myself a run-a-5k program and a pair of nifty running shoes, and so far, so good.

I've also set myself a couple of goals. The first is that Dear Husband and I are registered in a walk/run 5k this September. Unlike me, the husband is a natural runner – once a year, he'll say, "I'm going for a run", and two hours later, he'll arrive home, a little out of breath, and say, "So, I ran," and that's that. 5k for him is…easy. For me, not so much. I'm a fast twitch sort, built for speed, not endurance, but I'm determined. I need to do this – to prove to myself that I can set out to do something and finish it, even though it'll hurt. Every time I've done that in my life, the success has given me a spirit boost, and everyone needs a little spirit boost now and again, dontcha think?

The other thing is a little carrot my sister and I are dangling in front of our noses. There's a race we'd really like to do together. Whether we make it there, we'll see, but the thing is, training for endurance activity is a lot (a lot!) like writing a novel. (Yes, you should have known there would be a writing metaphor in here somewhere.) Endurance, perseverance, and faith – all the ingredients one needs to make this particular cake.

My writing life has suffered a lot over the last couple of years for one reason or another, and I've been working on that, trying to reclaim what I lost (because, at the end of the day, it was me doing the losing, ya know?)(oh, and by losing, I mean losing my way, losing my confidence, that sort of thing). Running, for some surprising reason, seems to be helping with that. Maybe it's just burning off calories and energy, or maybe it's something just going, and giving myself permission to walk when I need to, and run when I want to. Dunno.

And, I want to ride again, and when I do, boy oh boy, I'm going to be in GOOD shape!

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Interview with Sonia Gensler over on the Apocalypsies' blog…

I was lucky enough to interview Sonia Gensler, author of THE REVENANT, for the Apocalypsies blog. Check out the interview, where Sonia talks about her research into Cherokee seminary schools, among other things, and then, please check out Sonia's book – it's really wonderful!

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And there was a cover!

The lovely and gracious Lenore over at "Presenting Lenore" is doing a cover reveal for SHADOWS CAST BY STARS today. I love my cover – I'm so, so thankful to my editor and the artist for capturing the mood of the story.

Anyhow, this is extra-exciting, because it suddenly feels REAL – I'm going to have a book-baby!

Do check out the cover on Lenore's blog, and please, let me know what you think!

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For Sharing

I've been reading Natalie Goldberg's WILD MIND: LIVING THE WRITER'S LIFE, because though I feel I'm finally starting to get the handle on all this plot and characterization and setting business, I realized a while ago I don't know how to live this life. When I was making music, I knew how to take care of myself, how to water and feed my voice, how to nourish the music (also, I had teachers who taught me this stuff – thank you, all you teacherly types!).

As a writer, I've been struggling, and struggling in a profound way – how does one cultivate confidence, for example? I mean, confidence and I have never been close friends…or any friends at all, really. And, I know I've got to find that faith, but how? How, when the going is so hard that all I can think to do is become something else – anything else? Some days, garbage collection seems like a suitable career.

Anyhow, I came across something that helped today. Maybe it will help others too. It comes from the section called "Failure" in WILD MIND and it goes like this:

"Kindness. It stemmed from kindness. I have always been kind to myself in the area of writing. I know if I'm not kind, if I get too tough, I'll get scared, close up, freeze."

So, rather than word counts, this is what I'm currently working on with my craft. Kindness – to myself. Because goodness knows, this writing biz is hard enough all on its own…

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Newcastle Island Adventure

On Tuesday, Mikel and I headed off to Newcastle Island for a surprise birthday camping trip. Newcastle Island is a short water taxi ride away from Nanaimo's harbour, and it's a beautiful place, with lots of trails and sandstone beaches and, apparently, an albino raccoon population. We didn't see any of them, but we did see other things…

…like a glimpse of an elusive Mikel-creature…

…and a perfectly purple starfish…

…and oyster-catchers oyster-catchering…

…and, what's that in the water?

It's a raccoon!

Not an albino one, but still, it's not every day one sees a raccoon swimming around.

So, a nice trip was had, and now, back to work…

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