Jon Acuff's Blog, page 67

The little girl’s tattoo.

My wife and I spent Thanksgiving in Pensacola, Florida a few years ago. Since our kids go to bed awesomely early, 6:30 eastern, we were stuck in the hotel by ourselves at 5:30 central time every night. There are few things as depressing as sitting on a bed for five straight hours in a Sleep Inn hotel room. In addition to suck-your-soul-out fluorescent lights, the room had this potpourri of bad smells. It was part smoke, part cat, part old Hardee’s hamburger and a smidge of feet.

It was admittedly a good time to catch up on conversation with my wife, but after a few straight days of staring at each other, we were both a little stir crazy. One night, I walked down to the BP gas station that was beside the hotel.

Behind the counter at the gas station was a sad woman in her mid-thirties. She looked tired, like maybe life was hard for her a decade sooner than it should have been. Like maybe she didn’t get to be a kid long enough and all that adulthood was starting to catch up on her.

On the outside of her hand was a small greenish gray tattoo of an X. I was curious about what it meant, so I asked her the significance. Here is her response:

“Oh that? That doesn’t mean anything. My mom gave me that one night when she was drunk.”

That was a kind of weird answer, so I asked her how old she was when it happened. She scrunched up her face for a second in concentration and then said, “I think I was 13.”

When I was 13, I was really concerned about my clothes. I was worried that my mom would buy me a Knights of the Round Table shirt instead of Polo. Or that I would have Reeboks instead of Nikes. These were the kinds of things I focused on, because at that age, kids would tease you for the smallest thing.

But what about showing up to school one Monday with a jagged, bloody green X tattooed on your hand? What was that experience like? How would kids react to that? Didn’t it hurt when her mom gave her that? She was drunk, writing on her daughter with a shaky hand and a hot, homemade needle.

I thought about that the rest of the trip and was considering writing about the marks that our parents give us. They’re not all as obvious as that, and many are actually positive, but I realized that was a narrow way to look at it, because it’s not just parents that give us marks. It’s coworkers and spouses and friends and strangers. And when we don’t know they’re there, sometimes they actually stick.

A few years ago, someone asked me to review a memo at work that included some disparaging remarks about my writing ability. There on page 4 was a giant circle, with a big red line through it, that said “Fluff” and a sentence that promised a coworker was going to eliminate my fluff writing. The person that handed me the memo didn’t realize it was about me. They wanted me to focus on a completely different section of the document, but my eye caught some criticism about the company’s writer, and since I was the only writer there, I couldn’t help but read what was written.

As I walked back to my desk, I was crushed. I felt like my complete lack of value had not only been noticed but captured in a memo. In the quietness of my head though, I felt like God popped in and said, “Hey, that memo doesn’t get to define who you are. I do. And I say you are my son.” I was blown away and, instead of spiraling into despair and shame over that memo, I went back to my desk and wrote what was probably the best thing I’ve ever written for that company.

I wish that single event was enough to forever shake off the bad marks I’ve got on me, but it isn’t. I still doubt. I still believe the lies of the marks. I still, like lots of other Christians, forget who I am. I still give other people’s words too much power. I don’t have it all figured out. Instead, more than anything, life feels like it’s been a long series of believing that I am not who other people define me to be, I am a son of God. I am God’s work of art. And the more I have been open to believing that, the more He’s shown me it’s true.

What I’ve learned over the years is that an experience can’t change that. My relation to God is not a simple little mark. It is not a big tattoo or a little sticker; it is who I am. I cannot completely cover that up or blot it out with failure. The prodigal son tries, he completely messes up his life. But, more importantly, he shows how sometimes the worst marks are the ones we give ourselves. “I’m a bad husband. I’m a terrible employee. I’m ugly.”

These are the words we sometimes hear from ourselves, and they are the kind of words the prodigal son tries to say to his father. (I have written about this story so many times it’s getting a bit ridiculous, but I love the lessons it has for us.) When the prodigal son rehearses his homecoming speech, he decides to conclude it with, “make me like one of your hired men.” That was the last thing he was going to say. But when he speaks to his father, that is the one thing he is not allowed to speak. The rest of his speech comes off without a hitch. “Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.”

These words are delivered without incident, but he doesn’t ever get to say “make me like one of your hired men.” Why is that?

Why are those eight words left out? You can certainly read that as just accidental, that regardless of the words, the father was going to cut him off before he finished speaking. And maybe that’s right. But when I read that, I read a father stopping a son from saying something the father would never do. The father would never make him like one of his hired men. He would never give the son a new mark of slavery. He would never call him employee instead of son. So he doesn’t even let those words out. He stops him because no new mark would be given that day. The old truth, the one at the core of the son, still holds true.

Despite the pigpen and the prostitutes, the dirt and the deception, the father doesn’t see a hired man.

He sees a son.

He sees his child.

And that changes everything.

Question:

What’s a mark you need to let go of?

(This is a throwback post that originally appeared on SCL a few years ago.)

The most interesting people in the world.

Often, the comments on the posts I write are funnier than the actual post.

I think that is awesome.

Today, I think we could create a hilarious comment string.

What’s the topic?

Jesus, the most interesting man in the world.

Have you seen those Dos Equis commercials? (It’s OK to say yes. Jesus turned water into wine.)

In them, a James Bond-type guy in a ruffled suit does amazing things while the voiceover discusses his awesomeness.

Here are some statements they make about him:

The police often interview him, just because they find him interesting.

His organ donor card lists his beard.

Sharks have a week about him.

He went to a psychic, to warn her.

He’s a lover not a fighter. But he’s also a fighter so don’t get any ideas.

He once punched a magician.

His blood smells like cologne.

In all, the commercials are really funny.

Let’s do the same thing, using people from the Bible.

For example:

Jesus

“He sometimes takes shortcuts, across the water.”

“He never brings wine as a wedding gift. He turns water into it.”

David

“He brought a rock to a giant fight. And won.”

Now your turn.

Who are some of the most interesting people in the Bible?

Modesty Talks

(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Kristin Weber. You can find out more about Kristin on her website.  You can also follow her on Twitter. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Modesty Talks

I was taught from a very young age that modesty is an outward reflection of what Christ is doing inwardly. It’s figuring out exactly what that ”outward reflection” should look like that causes some robust dialogue within church communities. (Shocking, since Christians rarely disagree on anything.)

I grew up in the conservative home school world, where the “chastity button” (top button) on blouses got fastened and swimsuits included oversized t-shirts and long gym shorts. When I was instructed as a kid to run away if anyone tried to touch me in my bathing suit area, I was like, “so basically if any one tries to touch me at all, run.” (To which my dad responded, “yes.”)

I attended my first official modesty talk around age 13, when we started getting our clothes from worldly places like Coldwater Creek and Eddie Bauer. Up to that point, my mom sewed most of our clothes. (Did anyone else’s mom make them a lady bug jumper complete with a lady bug blouse, lady bug buttons, and a lady bug headband special for their piano recital? Just mine? Thought so. That’s why my mom is better.)

Since then I’ve seen numerous approaches to the modesty “issue.” Here are three of the most memorable:

1. The Symposium – A lady in our church community who had four teenage sons hosted a symposium about what girls could do to help boys keep their minds pure. The discussion was revealing. As a general rule, if you can tell they have a body, it’s too tight. Other questionable clothing items include, but are not limited to, the following:

Tank tops: Too much arm.

V-necks: Too easy for guys to imagine what’s down the V.

Blouses: Even with the chastity button done, sometimes the gap between buttons revealed the no-zone.

Burkha: Too much eye. (This isn’t a joke. One exasperated mother finally asked, “What do we have our daughters wear? A burkha so only their eyes are showing?” A dad replied jokingly, “Sometimes all it takes is the eyes.” All heck broke loose.)

2. The “Fashion Show” – This is usually done at camps after the boys and girls are separated for their respective “talks.” (Someday I’m going to cross dress and see what goes on over on the guy’s side.) Girls model a variety of “inappropriate” clothing items while a leader narrates what’s wrong with each of them. It’s typically followed up with an “appropriate hug demonstration” (side hugs all around!), and then they are released back into the wild to make awkward eye contact with the boys.

3. The Fear Mongerer – This is a well-intentioned but extreme approach that often requires some damage control. The speech giver usually starts off with something like, “modesty isn’t just a virtue, it’s a crime deterrent.” They talk about how exposed skin turns decent men into animals.  Therefore if we’ll all agree to wear denim rompers, we can help keep prisons clear. A woman once told me that wearing tank tops in public increased my chances of getting raped. (I asked her what study she pulled her statistics from. She said she’d get back to me. It’s been four years so I’m guessing she lost my e-mail.)

These are just a few of many. The modesty talks will continue until Christ or culottes return.

Also, if I ever have a daughter, I probably won’t be quite so strict with her wardrobe. After all, with the way the world is going it won’t matter what she wears. She’s never leaving her tower.

To keep up with Kristin, check out her website!

Finally!

Tired of feeling like you hate sweet baby Jesus because you don’t have anything to put in the offering basket since you direct deposit your tithe?

Concerned that maybe your pew neighbors or row radius doesn’t know you’re still down with the king?

Exhausted by staring with shame into that offering basket with nothing to give since you gave online?

Fear not, my friend!

Your days of silent agony are over!

My friend Ben recently showed me what one church is doing.

Finally!

The SOS at your church.

Your church has an SOS.

Every church in America has an SOS.

You might even be the SOS at your church.

What is an SOS?

Standing Ovation Starter.

These men and women, these proud few, are the ones who refuse to wait for the worship leaders call to feet.

They don’t need to hear someone on stage say, “Please rise” or “Please stand.”

No, no, standing is their manifest destiny. Dare they be the lone person on their feet during a long, slow, special music song? They dare, oh, they dare.

Their hope is that you will catch the buzz. That you too will hear the call inside to get up, get on up. You too can join their footed brigade. Leave the safety of the pew behind. Abandon the comfort of the stackable chair my friend. Live a life above the seated masses!

Answer the call of the SOS!

 

Extreme Makeover: Big, Big House Edition

(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Stephen & Shae Pepper. You can check out their blog here. You can also follow them on Twitter @youthworkinit and like them on Facebook. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Extreme Makeover: Big, Big House Edition

Anyone who’s ever seen the show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition knows that it requires a lot of people with different skills to work together to build a house.

Anyone who’s ever read 1 Corinthians 12 knows that it requires a lot of people with different skills to work together to be the body of Christ.

So what would it look like if people from the Bible were to work together to build a house? Here’s our cast listing for Extreme Makeover: Big, Big House Edition:

Demolition

There are a number of people who make up a demolition dream team:

Job – No one has more  experience with having his house destroyed.
Friends of the paralyzed man in Mark 12 – Put them to work on tearing up the roof.
Samson – He can make the building collapse.
Joshua – Get him marching around the house seven times to finish the job.

Construction

Gather as many hypocrites as you can for building the house, as they have plenty of planks you can build with.

Den

Daniel’s perfect for working on the den, particularly because he’d add a roaring fire to it.

Bedroom

Ruth can take care of this, as she’d make sure there was extra sleeping space at the foot of the bed.

Toilet

Esther can work on this, as she has experience entering the throne room.

Yard decorations

Lot’s wife is just the person for a yard decoration. Literally.

Outdoor grill

Elijah has experience with putting the ultimate grill together, so get him on the case. You may want to advise him not to pour 12 jars of water on the grill this time though.

Plumbing

Jesus is the man for this job. You may be thinking he should take care of any carpentry, but that’s a waste of his talents. Why? Well, Peter can personally vouch for how good Jesus is at fixing sinks.

Interior decor

If he’s available, get Gideon to take care of furnishings. Be prepared for plenty of fleeces being laid on the floor though.

Hallway

Have Moses take care of the hallway, as he’ll ensure there’s a clear passage to walk through.

Attic

We’d better involve Jacob as he can help out with the ladder. The apostles will want to take care of the rest though, as they have fond memories of the upper room.

Bathroom

David can be well utilized for this room, as he knows exactly what he wants when looking at baths.

Medicine Cabinet

Once Moses is done with the hallway, get him to put up the medicine cabinet. He’s an expert at storing tablets.

Lighting

It’s best to leave this to God. After all, He said “Let there be light,” and there was light and He saw that it was good.

Paving

You could try asking Stephen to help with paving, but he might decide that he’s been up close and personal with enough stones to last a lifetime.

Coat closet

Put Saul in charge of organizing this as apparently he’s very responsible when it comes to looking after people’s coats.

Foreman

The foreman has to be Noah – if the dude can build a boat that’s 450 feet long, a house will be no issue.

Budget

Put Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in charge of controlling costs on the project – they’ll make sure you don’t get burned.

Not on the team

Solomon may have organized the building of the Temple, but keep him far away from this project. His 700 wives and 300 concubines will never be able to agree on a color scheme, plus he’d probably want to divide the children’s room in two.

Question: Who would you put in charge of the kitchen and living room (or any other room)? We’d love to hear your ideas in the comments below.

(For more great writing from Stephen & Shae, check out their blog.)

Rice Krispies & Bibles.

A friend sent me the photo below.

First off, this isn’t a juke. The guy was clear up front about what he wanted to give you. I’ve got no issue with this.

There are two things that are funny to me though:

1. He didn’t say “treats” in the main sign in chalk. In what is a classic dessert based Bible ministry mistake he ran out of room to write that word. (You see “Treats” on the right on a piece of paper.) When I first saw this I thought maybe he was just giving people loose handfuls of rice krispies. How disappointing would that have been?

2. The line “Free! Like the love of Jesus!” is fantastic. I think I could hang out with this guy.

What dessert would you have used?

 

The secret about how some Christians witness.

Why do some Christians use shame as a way to tell people about Christ?

Why is shame sometimes the first thing you experience from Christians?

Why do we use shame sometimes when we witness?

Because love takes too long.

Love is too messy.

It’s slow and out of our control.

And worst of all, love makes us vulnerable.

Shame doesn’t really require me to let my guard down.

I get to lob rocks from behind the safety of my walls.

Love?

Love exposes us.

It unmans us.

It disarms us.

And then, there is the considerable risk that we won’t be loved back.

So we pick shame.

And we take steps away from a Christ who never used that as a tool for evangelism. Was he honest? Direct? Did he even use the R word? Repent? Of course!

But did he deploy shame? When a shame parade landed at his feet with a woman they wanted to stone, what was his response? When the Pharisees deployed shame about his dinner party guests what did he do? When the woman at the well approached, did he offer water or shame?

Love is slow.

Love is sloppy.

Love is tangled and difficult at times.

But at the end of the day, to quote Bob Goff, love does.

Guess what Jesus’ favorite sport is?

I thought it was frisbee.

I’m apparently wrong.

Jesus surfs.

Greatest Booty, God, Booty Moment of all Time?

A few years ago, I wrote a post called “Booty, God, Booty.” It was inspired by a hip hop station in Atlanta that played an “Inspirational Vitamin” moment at 6:30 every morning.

The problem was that five minutes before and five minutes after, they played their regular music.

So at 6:25 you’d have a song like “I’m in love with a stripper.”

At 6:30, the God moment, a hymn or a Bible verse.

At 6:35, back to music, Lil’ Wayne “Lollipop.”

I thought, “Wow, they just went Booty, God, Booty.” It became a catchphrase challenging me on my inconsistencies in life. Those moments where I lived a certain way Saturday, a different way Sunday morning and then a different way Monday.

Well, recently I think I bumped into the greatest Booty, God, Booty moment of all time.

It occurred in Miley Cyrus’ song “We can’t stop.”

In the second verse, she sings “Shaking it like we’re at a strip club.” Wow, Hannah we ain’t in Montana no more!

But clearly this is a song about getting wild, or phat as the kids say, keeping it phresh, no doy!

No way God gets in the mix in this one.

What’s the next lyric?

“Remember only God can judge ya.”

Hold up, one minute we’re shaking it like we’re at a strip club and the next minute God is judging.

Yowza. Sometimes I write Stuff Christians Like, sometimes it writes itself.

But a perfect Booty, God, Booty requires a second outrageous reference. Let’s see, oh, there it is, right there. “And everyone in line in the bathroom, trying to get a line in the bathroom.” A coke reference? This might be beyond Booty, God, Booty at this point.

Maybe the chorus will explain things.

Wait, what’s that say “Dancing with Molly” or is it “Dancing with Miley?” One is a drug reference, one is the first name of the singer. It’s hard to tell, maybe she just pronounces her name in a weird way. Sometimes when I sing my name in the chorus of songs, I don’t pronounce the J. I pronounce in “On.”

It’s a thing I do. Don’t judge.

Regardless, I nominate this for greatest Booty, God, Booty moment, ever.

What say you?