Jon Acuff's Blog, page 67

The SOS at your church.

Your church has an SOS.

Every church in America has an SOS.

You might even be the SOS at your church.

What is an SOS?

Standing Ovation Starter.

These men and women, these proud few, are the ones who refuse to wait for the worship leaders call to feet.

They don’t need to hear someone on stage say, “Please rise” or “Please stand.”

No, no, standing is their manifest destiny. Dare they be the lone person on their feet during a long, slow, special music song? They dare, oh, they dare.

Their hope is that you will catch the buzz. That you too will hear the call inside to get up, get on up. You too can join their footed brigade. Leave the safety of the pew behind. Abandon the comfort of the stackable chair my friend. Live a life above the seated masses!

Answer the call of the SOS!

 

Extreme Makeover: Big, Big House Edition

(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Stephen & Shae Pepper. You can check out their blog here. You can also follow them on Twitter @youthworkinit and like them on Facebook. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Extreme Makeover: Big, Big House Edition

Anyone who’s ever seen the show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition knows that it requires a lot of people with different skills to work together to build a house.

Anyone who’s ever read 1 Corinthians 12 knows that it requires a lot of people with different skills to work together to be the body of Christ.

So what would it look like if people from the Bible were to work together to build a house? Here’s our cast listing for Extreme Makeover: Big, Big House Edition:

Demolition

There are a number of people who make up a demolition dream team:

Job – No one has more  experience with having his house destroyed.
Friends of the paralyzed man in Mark 12 – Put them to work on tearing up the roof.
Samson – He can make the building collapse.
Joshua – Get him marching around the house seven times to finish the job.

Construction

Gather as many hypocrites as you can for building the house, as they have plenty of planks you can build with.

Den

Daniel’s perfect for working on the den, particularly because he’d add a roaring fire to it.

Bedroom

Ruth can take care of this, as she’d make sure there was extra sleeping space at the foot of the bed.

Toilet

Esther can work on this, as she has experience entering the throne room.

Yard decorations

Lot’s wife is just the person for a yard decoration. Literally.

Outdoor grill

Elijah has experience with putting the ultimate grill together, so get him on the case. You may want to advise him not to pour 12 jars of water on the grill this time though.

Plumbing

Jesus is the man for this job. You may be thinking he should take care of any carpentry, but that’s a waste of his talents. Why? Well, Peter can personally vouch for how good Jesus is at fixing sinks.

Interior decor

If he’s available, get Gideon to take care of furnishings. Be prepared for plenty of fleeces being laid on the floor though.

Hallway

Have Moses take care of the hallway, as he’ll ensure there’s a clear passage to walk through.

Attic

We’d better involve Jacob as he can help out with the ladder. The apostles will want to take care of the rest though, as they have fond memories of the upper room.

Bathroom

David can be well utilized for this room, as he knows exactly what he wants when looking at baths.

Medicine Cabinet

Once Moses is done with the hallway, get him to put up the medicine cabinet. He’s an expert at storing tablets.

Lighting

It’s best to leave this to God. After all, He said “Let there be light,” and there was light and He saw that it was good.

Paving

You could try asking Stephen to help with paving, but he might decide that he’s been up close and personal with enough stones to last a lifetime.

Coat closet

Put Saul in charge of organizing this as apparently he’s very responsible when it comes to looking after people’s coats.

Foreman

The foreman has to be Noah – if the dude can build a boat that’s 450 feet long, a house will be no issue.

Budget

Put Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in charge of controlling costs on the project – they’ll make sure you don’t get burned.

Not on the team

Solomon may have organized the building of the Temple, but keep him far away from this project. His 700 wives and 300 concubines will never be able to agree on a color scheme, plus he’d probably want to divide the children’s room in two.

Question: Who would you put in charge of the kitchen and living room (or any other room)? We’d love to hear your ideas in the comments below.

(For more great writing from Stephen & Shae, check out their blog.)

Rice Krispies & Bibles.

A friend sent me the photo below.

First off, this isn’t a juke. The guy was clear up front about what he wanted to give you. I’ve got no issue with this.

There are two things that are funny to me though:

1. He didn’t say “treats” in the main sign in chalk. In what is a classic dessert based Bible ministry mistake he ran out of room to write that word. (You see “Treats” on the right on a piece of paper.) When I first saw this I thought maybe he was just giving people loose handfuls of rice krispies. How disappointing would that have been?

2. The line “Free! Like the love of Jesus!” is fantastic. I think I could hang out with this guy.

What dessert would you have used?

 

The secret about how some Christians witness.

Why do some Christians use shame as a way to tell people about Christ?

Why is shame sometimes the first thing you experience from Christians?

Why do we use shame sometimes when we witness?

Because love takes too long.

Love is too messy.

It’s slow and out of our control.

And worst of all, love makes us vulnerable.

Shame doesn’t really require me to let my guard down.

I get to lob rocks from behind the safety of my walls.

Love?

Love exposes us.

It unmans us.

It disarms us.

And then, there is the considerable risk that we won’t be loved back.

So we pick shame.

And we take steps away from a Christ who never used that as a tool for evangelism. Was he honest? Direct? Did he even use the R word? Repent? Of course!

But did he deploy shame? When a shame parade landed at his feet with a woman they wanted to stone, what was his response? When the Pharisees deployed shame about his dinner party guests what did he do? When the woman at the well approached, did he offer water or shame?

Love is slow.

Love is sloppy.

Love is tangled and difficult at times.

But at the end of the day, to quote Bob Goff, love does.

Guess what Jesus’ favorite sport is?

I thought it was frisbee.

I’m apparently wrong.

Jesus surfs.

Greatest Booty, God, Booty Moment of all Time?

A few years ago, I wrote a post called “Booty, God, Booty.” It was inspired by a hip hop station in Atlanta that played an “Inspirational Vitamin” moment at 6:30 every morning.

The problem was that five minutes before and five minutes after, they played their regular music.

So at 6:25 you’d have a song like “I’m in love with a stripper.”

At 6:30, the God moment, a hymn or a Bible verse.

At 6:35, back to music, Lil’ Wayne “Lollipop.”

I thought, “Wow, they just went Booty, God, Booty.” It became a catchphrase challenging me on my inconsistencies in life. Those moments where I lived a certain way Saturday, a different way Sunday morning and then a different way Monday.

Well, recently I think I bumped into the greatest Booty, God, Booty moment of all time.

It occurred in Miley Cyrus’ song “We can’t stop.”

In the second verse, she sings “Shaking it like we’re at a strip club.” Wow, Hannah we ain’t in Montana no more!

But clearly this is a song about getting wild, or phat as the kids say, keeping it phresh, no doy!

No way God gets in the mix in this one.

What’s the next lyric?

“Remember only God can judge ya.”

Hold up, one minute we’re shaking it like we’re at a strip club and the next minute God is judging.

Yowza. Sometimes I write Stuff Christians Like, sometimes it writes itself.

But a perfect Booty, God, Booty requires a second outrageous reference. Let’s see, oh, there it is, right there. “And everyone in line in the bathroom, trying to get a line in the bathroom.” A coke reference? This might be beyond Booty, God, Booty at this point.

Maybe the chorus will explain things.

Wait, what’s that say “Dancing with Molly” or is it “Dancing with Miley?” One is a drug reference, one is the first name of the singer. It’s hard to tell, maybe she just pronounces her name in a weird way. Sometimes when I sing my name in the chorus of songs, I don’t pronounce the J. I pronounce in “On.”

It’s a thing I do. Don’t judge.

Regardless, I nominate this for greatest Booty, God, Booty moment, ever.

What say you?

 

50 Shades of Amish Romance

(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Jennifer Faddis. You can check out her blog here. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

50 Shades of Amish Romance

As Christians, we certainly can’t be seen clutching a book for our reading pleasure that is 40, 50 or even 60 shades of any kind of drab color. So, we quench our thirst for romance with the wholesome and seemingly prolific Amish romance novel genre. Who knew the plain folk had such intriguing love lives?

The “Real Housewives of Bird-In-Hand” feature tidy buns and sporty little kapps (that’s caps for you who don’t know your Amish speak). If the ladies are searching for a hearty bachelor to receive a rose, they need to look no further than the nearest fresh-faced fellow in black pants and suspenders! ‘Cause everybody knows the hot guys with the Methuselah beards are already off the market! What a rip-off for these hard-working chaps, by the way. At the wedding, instead of exchanging rings, the groom has to say “with these whiskers, I thee wed.” Instead of some new bling, he gets to pitch his razor. Makes sense.

However, he may not make it to wedded bliss if he is the first love interest to show up on Miss Yoder’s doorstep. Sadly, that means he will most likely meet an early demise, often in the form of a terrible buggy accident. Cue the tragic, soul-filled music for Days of our Amish Lives. Which, by the way, fits in well since the sands through the hourglass do not require electrical power in order to operate. After a period of grief – during which nobody cuts her a break in the chores department – she continues to fill her hope chest with durable goods.

Now, love interest number one’s younger brother or best friend will be taking young Miss Yoder around in his accident-free “courting buggy.” Yes, that is actually different from a regular buggy, as it is made just for dating, but not to be confused with a sin wagon! She will then fully win him over with her blue ribbon pies and 50 shades of canned vegetables. Proving his love, a house or barn will be constructed in one day with the “it takes a village” concept, and they will live happily ever after with fruitcake for all. Barring any spooked horses, overturned buggies or blacksmithing disasters!

Do you enjoy keeping up with the Amish and their fictional love stories? Have you detected a formula to many of these books?

(For more great writing from Jennifer, check out her blog!)

How to save seats, like a boss.

If you’ve ever been to a Christian conference or a camp, you know that saving seats is a must.

You’ve got to sit near the front because the Holy Spirit doesn’t even go to the back of the auditorium.

Plus, folks saved seats for the Sermon on the Mount. A lot of people don’t know that, but it’s true. I’m pretty sure they threw down palm branches.

Yesterday though I saw a teenager save seats like a boss.

He was like an NBA center. Tremendous wingspan. I loved his approach.

Forget bulletins or Bibles, here’s how to really save seats.

 

The frustrating thing about God.

It’s the spring of 2010 and I am in a meeting.

I don’t understand most of the words being said in the meeting.

The people saying them are smart, talented and incredibly nice.

But I am in the wrong place.

This was years before writing Quitter. Years before I’d ever hold the Start Conference and help other people close the gap between their day job and their dream job.

I am stuck in a cubicle and I am asking God the same question over and over.

“Do you see me God?”

I am fairly certain he does not. If he did, he’d realize he has given me a different passion. He has set my heart toward other things and yet, I am in the same place.

I feel invisible to him.

Three ridiculous years later, I have learned one thing about God.

The most frustrating and beautiful thing is that God doesn’t do early.

He only does right on time.

Try as we might to force his hand, he will not be rushed. His will cannot be sped up. His plan can not be microwaved.

He does not do early.

He does right on time.

When you’re in the meeting, that is frustrating.

When you’re looking back, years later, it is beautiful.

I wish it weren’t so, but God refuses to keep my calendar.

Thank goodness.

Dating Jesus.

I attended a small Baptist college in Birmingham, Alabama called “Samford University.”

I love that school despite their refusal to have me come speak. (I was on social suspension Freshman year for a Halloween incident gone tragically wrong and I don’t think they’ve forgiven me yet.)

Be that as it may, I did tend to bump into an interesting phenomenon.

Sometimes, when I would muster up the courage to ask girls out, they would say, “I’m not dating anyone right now, I’m dating Jesus.”

Growing up in Massachusetts, I had never, ever, ever, ever heard this and it raised a few issues:

1. Is there anywhere in the Bible that Jesus says, “Take up your cross and date me?”

2. Shouldn’t you be married? Dating seems awful casual. I mean, I don’t want to Jesus Juke you but dating is too light.

3. If we start dating, does that mean you have to dump Jesus? That can’t be good.

4. If Facebook had existed back then, would your relationship status have been “Dating Jesus?”

5. If the guy you really liked came up to you and asked you on a date, would you still be “Dating Jesus?” Or is that a line you use primarily on guys named “Jon Acuff?”

6. Would Jesus be OK with us just getting coffee? Or studying together? Frisbee in the Quad? Anything?

7. Do you give him Valentine’s gifts? Someone people at Christmas throw Jesus a birthday party. I’m OK with that, but if you’re expecting Jesus to get you something from Kay’s Jewelers, every kiss begins with K, I’m concerned for you.

So questions about that line of conversation.

Have you ever heard something like that?