Jon Acuff's Blog, page 71

The one place you hope your kid doesn’t end up.

If your kid ends up in the vehicle pictured at the bottom of this post during Sunday School, one of the following things has happened:

1. They bit somebody.

2. Somebody bit them, at which point they started crying.

3. They are crying uncontrollably, hoping to slam shut your 32-minute long window of worship.

4. They have eaten their bodyweight in goldfish crackers and have a stomach ache.

5. They sass-mouthed their Sunday School teacher and said, “Oh jeez, another story about Noah? What else ya’ got?

6. Your church doesn’t tag kids like whales and can’t therefore alert you that “child #2453″ needs to be picked up ASAP.

7. Your kid whipped some other kid with a palm branch, celebrating WWE wrestling, not Palm Sunday.

8. A volunteer remembers your kids from VBS and started crying silently in the corner of the Sunday School class in the fetal position.

Bottom line: You never want your kid in the bye-bye buggy, but it happens.

Has your kid ever been kicked out of Sunday School?

The Ultimate Church Potluck Menu

(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Stephen Pepper. You can check out his blog here. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

The Ultimate Church Potluck Menu

Something all Christians love to do is have a church potluck. It gives us a great opportunity to fellowship and do life together while sidehugging in our V-necks.

But do you ever feel though like we’re not always fulfilling our potluck potential? Is there a hole that two crock-pots of chili doesn’t seem to fill? That there’s got to be more to potluck life than just another spoonful of potato salad?

If so, here’s my guide to the Ultimate Church Potluck Menu.

Appetizers

Chips & no salsa dancing

Omelet the children come to me

For my yolk is over-easy

Calimary

Mozzarella cheesus sticks

Soar on buffalo wings like eagles

Meat

Adam’s spare ribs

Lamb-entations

Blessed be your game

Like a beef in the night

BethleHam

Abrahamburgers

Rock of saus-ages

Pork (back)sliders

Elijah’s fire-roasted steaks

Deer Lord

Fish

Almighty cod

Amazing plaice

Salmon on the mount

It is well with my sole

Trout to the Lord

Side Dishes

Simon Pita bread

Teachers of the coles-law

Sanctifries

Gnocchi and the door will be opened to you

Stephen’s stoned-baked pizza

Tobymac n’ cheese

Soy to the world

Guacamole spirit

I will give you the quiche of the kingdom of heaven

Vegetables

Lettuce pray

Caesar Augustus salad

Peas on Earth

There’s no mushroom at the inn

Jonah and the kale

The gourd is my shepherd

Rahabenero peppers

Brussels sprouting Thomas

Shallot’s wife

Corn again

Desserts

How great’s thou tart

Pumpkin Pilate

Take this cupcake from me

Jars Of Creme Brulee

Ap-Paul pie

Leviticustard

Fruit

Passionfruit of the Christ

The Lord’s Pear

Fruit salad of the spirit

Walk on watermelon

Mango and make disciples of all nations

Beverages

TriniTea

Philemonade

Christal Light

Love your chardonneighbor

Items that didn’t quite make the (crinkle) cut

Abedn-Eggo’s waffles

Milky Way, the truth and the life

Land of milk and honey nut Cheerios

John The Baptist’s platter

Question: What other items would you add to the Ultimate Church Potluck Menu?

(For more great writing from Stephen, check out his blog.)

That time you got Joe Jonas a date.

Recently, a college senior asked Joe Jonas, of Jonas Brothers fame, to a dance.

She made a video describing why he should go with her. Joe Jonas loved the video and made his own. He then said yes to her on The Today Show.

At minute 2 of her original video, she points out that she knows he has a girlfriend. She promises that they can leave enough room for the Holy Spirit. She doesn’t say those words, instead she shows the picture of how to properly dance from the Stuff Christians Like book.

So I guess what I am trying to say is, Joe Jonas, I’m teaching the youth of this country how to dance.

You’re welcome.

 

A Letter From Dave Ramsey

(A few days ago my friend Dave Ramsey asked if he could stop by and share a few words with you guys. I thought that was a great idea. So without further ado… Mr. Dave Ramsey.)

WOW! That just about sums up how I feel about the incredible success we’ve had with the release of Jon Acuff’s latest book, Start. This thing debuted on the New York Times and Wall Street Journal best-seller lists and Amazon’s overall Top 10 list. It totally dominated Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and just about everything else on social media! This thing is on FIRE, and I can think of two reasons for that.

First of all, Start delivers a message that the world is hungry for. I talk to people on the radio every day who are frustrated and miserable with their careers, and they honestly think it’ll never get better. They’ve settled for average, but they dream of awesome. This is the book that can take them there.

Second—and this is the really important part—the reason Start came out of the gate so strong is because of YOU! You guys bought into the message, and you told a LOT of other people about it! Maybe you saw some things on Jon’s blog or Twitter feed, or maybe you heard us talking about it on the radio, and something just clicked. Something inside of you woke up, and you decided to START! By the time we dropped the book into the marketplace, tens of thousands of you had already pre-ordered or you lined up to buy it the day it released! That’s incredible! We’re already hearing stories from some of you about how you’re flipping the switch from average to awesome in your own lives by putting this material into practice. You guys rock! Thank you for making Start such a big success!

Of course, we’ve been doing our part to get this life-changing message out there too! Jon was locked in his office for months getting the message just right. Literally dozens of people on our team have spent the better part of a year getting the edits, design and marketing ready for Start to hit the street. We even took over Times Square with enormous billboards and a huge wrapped bus for our live launch event! And then we kept Jon on that bus for two weeks on a massive book tour to keep the momentum going.

This book release has been a pretty wild ride, and that means there are ups—and downs. The down side right now is that some of you haven’t been able to get your copy of Start yet because several stores sold out so fast. That was never the plan! We had pretty big expectations for the book, but the response has been mind-blowing. If you haven’t been able to get your copy yet, we’re sorry! Our team is working like crazy to make sure your local stores and Amazon have Start back in stock as soon as possible. And if you want it before they get it, we’ve got plenty of copies on hand in our online store at daveramsey.com. There’s little chance WE’LL run out!

Thanks again for everything you’re doing to help us get the message out there. I really believe that Start is one of the most significant books you could ever read, and I can’t wait to hear your own Start story soon!

—Dave

It could have been a hairy-nosed wombat

In Matthew 6:26, Jesus tells us to look at the birds of the air. He intones that “they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”

It’s a powerful passage about worry and the future. I’ve written about it before and will write about it again, but something new recently struck me.

Have you ever thought about how common birds are?

We have some in our backyard, and they sing all day and most of the night. They are in the bushes and the trees and the grass and the everywhere.

You probably have birds near your house, too. You can find them on every continent. In fact, scientists estimate there are 200 to 400 billion birds on the planet.

Have you ever thought about the kindness of Jesus, using birds as his example?

He could have picked the clouded snow leopard. There are less than 10,000 of them.

Or the Javan Rhino. There are only 60 or so of those.

Or the hairy-nosed wombat. There are only about 120 of those.

He could have picked any rare animal in the world, but he didn’t. Instead, he picks one that blankets the planet. One you’d find in Antarctica or hundreds of miles out to sea. One you’ll see in the city or the suburbs, the desert or the jungle.

He picked one that’s everywhere.

Why?

Because that’s where God’s love for you is too.

Look at the birds.

Breakdancing.

Turns out someone took a photo of me breakdancing last summer at camp. Whatevs.

Hide yo’ wife.

I don’t know who originally created this, with memegenerator, but I know it wasn’t me. Look up the verse and see why this is perfect.

Well played. Well played, indeed.

 

Giving Christian Singles Awkward Advice

(Today is Guest Post Friday.  Here’s one from Kristin Weber, a comedian from Dallas. You can check out her website here or follow her on Twitter. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Giving Christian Singles Awkward Advice

I’m single, in my late twenties, and live in the Bible Belt. Needless to say, I get some pretty spectacular advice both about being single and how to become unsingle. At this point, I almost want to stay single so I can keep getting new story material.

Here are my top five favorite bits of awkward advice I’ve received from kind, well-meaning church folk about my current “condition”:

1. “Let your heart marinate in the Word. That’s how God prepares you for marriage.”

Marriage sounds like a barbeque. Awesome.

2. “If you want to get married, you need to hang a pair of men’s pants at the end of your bed, and then pray to God every night to fill those pants with the perfect man.”

The lady who told me this was so excited about me possibly meeting my spouse this way that she gave me her information and told me to contact her when it worked. “I’ll e-mail you when there’s a man in my pants,” I said, realizing too late that this response had sounded different in my head. She promptly judged me and walked away.

3. “Make a list of non-negotiable attributes you want in your husband.”

This is actually fairly common advice, but I’ve always found it strange. What am I going to do with this list? Take it to Man Mart and special order myself a stud? (If it did work this way, Tim Tebow clones would be on major backorder.) Anyhow, making a list is a lot of work when I can pay $39.99 and have EHarmony tell me what kind of guy I’m attracted to.

Really, the only thing on the non-negotiable list should be that he loves and pursues Christ first in his life. However, if you want to make a preference list, go right ahead. I’d prefer that my husband be taller than me, have a pleasing nose-to-face ratio, and have avoided violating parole. (I believe in second chances, not third.) If he happens to own a mansion on the beach and look a little like Robert Downey, Jr., well, who am I to argue with God’s will for my life?

4. “While you’re waiting for the right guy, date Jesus.”      

Jesus is Lord of my life, not my dinner date. (Although, yes, I know He’s always with me, even while I’m on a dinner date.) I understand the sentiment, but the last time I went to a restaurant alone while “dating Jesus” I told the waitress my date was going to take care of the bill and left. I’m no longer allowed back at that restaurant.

5. “It’s okay to be sad during this season.”

Thank you. I am sad. Sad that we need so many blogs, discussions, conferences, books, and sermons on how to be single and how to act, look, and change in order to get “picked” by someone. I am happy, though, that we can poke fun at ourselves during all life’s seasons.

I actually have to go now. I’m hanging out at my friend’s house this afternoon. She’s married with five kids under the age of 8, and she’s invited me over for Celibacy Appreciation Day.

What awkward advice (not just about singleness) have you been given?

Yikes.

A friend sent me this photo of a journal she saw.

In our defense, this was not taken at a Christian bookstore. This was someone making fun of Christian culture. But, regardless, let’s all swear we will never journal in this.

satan’s favorite word.

Today I want to talk about satan’s favorite word. (And yes, I am lowercasing that on purpose. That’s the middle finger of punctuation, and I always give it to the devil.)

In the last few weeks, I’ve been asking audiences I speak to one simple question:

“What do your voices of fear and doubt tell you?”

My new book Start is about figuring out what you’re called to do, and then doing it with the greatest degree of awesome possible.

But a lot of people, including me, get stuck by fear and doubt when they decide to be awesome. Why? Well, fear only bothers you when you do things that matter.

If you choose average, if you give into ordinary, if you decide to rock vanilla right into the grave, fear will give you a free pass.

The moment you decide to do something that matters with your life? Fear awakens from its slumber. It gets loud and chatty.

So I’ve been asking people what their particular voice says.

And there’s one word I keep seeing over and over. I think it’s satan’s favorite word. What is it?

“Enough.”

I’ve read thousands of voices that people have scribbled down on scraps of paper and, by far, this is the most common word.

Fear tells people:

“You’re not smart enough.”

“You’re not talented enough.”

“You’re not old enough.”

“You’re not young enough.”

“You’re not rich enough.”

“You’re not a good enough husband or wife.”

You’re not anything enough.

And here’s a surprising truth: You’re not. I’m not either. Try as we might, win as we might, we will never be enough. That’s the sad reality of our tiny human lives. Alone, we will never reach perfection. We will never reach completion. We will never reach enough.

That’s the story of the gospel.

Enough is elusive.

Enough is impossible.

Enough is out of our reach.

Until the cross.

Until Christ.

Until Emmanuel became enough.

The great debate for enough is over. The great journey to the land of enough is done. The struggle is complete.

In Christ, you are enough. In Christ, you have enough. In Christ, you find enough.

It is finished.

And if you still hear that enough voice and think you’re the only one, come meet the thousands of other people who are daring not to listen to that voice at nomorevoices.com.

Question:

Have you ever felt like you weren’t “enough?”