Jon Acuff's Blog, page 154

Win 2 tickets to Catalyst West Coast!

As always, Catalyst is putting on a crazy Wes Coast event this year March 2-4. The lineup includes Dave Ramsey, Matt Chandler, Andy Stanley, me and … Reverend Run. As in Run DMC.

Today is the last day to lock in the early registration rate. (Click here to get tickets and use the code FOB to save 10%.)

Knowing how street I am, and that I grew up breakdancing to Run DMC, Brad Lomenick from Catalyst said that I could give away two tickets today. These are two tickets for both the lab sessions (where you'll see me) and the main sessions.

So here's the deal. Let's give these two tickets away with a comment contest. I'll pick a winner tomorrow morning using a random number generator. (Don't enter if you're not absolutely positive you can go)

All you have to do to enter is post a comment answering this question by midnight tonight:

"What's your favorite Run DMC song?"

I'm a huge fan of this guy.

As we continue to redesign SCL, I wanted to take a quick second and recognize the guy who built the original SCL.

A few years ago, John Saddington took Stuff Christians Like from a flat, dull, blogspot free template to a fun, vibrantly designed site. I was terrified of the process because I lost my first blog due to some technical idiocy on my part. But from the front end to the back end, he completely wowed me. Not only did he design the site, we still use the WordPress theme he designed, Standard, because it's widely considered one of the best ever developed. If you ever want to connect with one of the premier voices in blogging and social media, check out John Saddington.

Finishing what we didn't start.

The only business I ever started ended up punching my marriage in the face, ruining an important friendship and ripping off the church my grandmother has attended for 30 years.

It was such an abject failure that if there had been whipped cream pies and people running quickly after each other with a musical background we could have filmed an episode of Benny Hill.

I was tired of my corporate job and felt like I was supposed to do something else with my life. After praying for zero minutes and refusing to listen to any of the cautions from my wife, I decided to start my own advertising agency.

I partnered with a friend from church and we signed my grandmother's church on as our first client. After months of under delivering on all our promises and realizing we were both woefully ill equipped to run a business, we decided to close the business. The church asked us to complete one last open project and give them back all the remaining money that had initially paid us since we had failed to honor our commitments.

My partner sent them the check. We were done! Or so I thought. I got a voice mail a few days later in the parking lot of a day job I was trying to escape. It said, "Hi Jon, this is 'I forget what her name was' with the church. The check you sent us bounced. Please call me."

I wanted to throw up. It turns out that the partner had done something wrong. He was in a personal financial crisis and had taken all the money. It was gone. As someone who has made epic mistakes of my own, I don't put what he did in a different category of "mess-up." We're both broken people in different ways, but when the truth came out about the money, the situation wrecked our friendship. Although the church graciously offered to forgive our debt, my wife and I decided that it's always a good policy to not take money from a church, so we decided to pay them back personally. Clearly, despite having an emergency fund, we had not anticipated writing a check of a few thousand dollars to a church, so that significantly strained our relationship for a little while. (God bless my wife for never saying the phrase, "I told you so.")

I've written about that story before, but recently I started to think about why I started that ad agency in the first place. I think there was part of me that was just so tired of waiting on God. I knew in my heart that He called me to use my talents for him, and when I felt like that was not happening at the pace I preferred, I took things into my own hands. I thought, "This day job can't be what I do with my life. Fine, you gave me a fuzzy dream, I'll use my own wisdom to clarify it for you. I'll start a Christian advertising agency."

The consistent word in those thoughts is easy to see, "I." When I feel panicked or stuck or stress, "I" want to fix "me." And the time frame I usually give myself when I try to control life is "right now." I want instant fixes to my problems.

Have you ever done that? Have you ever found yourself in a corner and thought, "OK, this marriage, this dream, this idea, is not going exactly where I anticipated it going. I better get busy fixing it. It's on me, to hustle and come up with a plan to change it all."

Maybe you haven't, but the times I've done that, I have failed in horrible ways. When I grew tired of my job as a interactive copywriter at Staples, I took things into my own hands and found a new job at a software company. I was so eager to jump from where I was that I didn't even look at where I was landing. I didn't know anything about software, I had no idea what CRM stood for and within a matter of months, that entire company had gone out of business. (About a month after I got married and moved my Georgian wife to Massachusetts for my job. In laws love that move. Awesome.)

And as I stand on the precipice of launching a new book and continue figuring out this crazy Dave Ramsey adventure in Nashville, I hear the siren's call to control everything myself in order to ensure success. But I've learned something recently.

It's not my job to finish what God started.

It's not my job to complete the work He began in his way, with my ways.

It's not my job to wrestle control back from him, even if the adventure feels out of control.

You see this happen all the time in the Bible. One of my favorite examples is with Abraham. In Genesis 20, Abraham gets caught for the second time lying that Sarah is his sister not his wife. The ruler Abraham deceived, Abimelek says, "What was your reason for doing this?" Abraham explains:

"I said to myself, 'There is surely no fear of God in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife.' Besides, she really is my sister, the daughter of my father though not of my mother; and she became my wife. And when God had me wander from my father's household, I said to her, 'This is how you can show your love to me: Everywhere we go, say of me, "He is my brother."'"

I love the technicality Abraham tries to throw out, but that's not the line that really gets me. The sentence that kills me, the phrase I think we all say in different ways is this:

"And when God had me wander from my father's household, I __________"

What he's saying there is, "When God sent me on an adventure away from everything I knew or felt comfortable with or understood, I had to take things into my own hands." And we say that too, don't we?

When God sent me to a job without making it clear why I was there, I decided to find another one as fast as I could.

When God gave me a big opportunity, I decided to make sure it succeeded by working 80 hours a week to the detriment of my family.

When God called me to ________, I knew I had to take control and do ____________.

When we feel stressed or confused about the wandering God introduces into our lives, it's so easy to try to fix it ourselves. In big ways and small ways, we take steps away from the plan God has for us in our desire to solve it or finish it or complete it.

But it's not my job to finish the work the Lord started. I'll be present to it, I'll be part of it, I will steward the opportunity to the best of the abilities he has given me. But I don't want try to game the outcome or manipulate the situation when I face the fears that come with wandering.

He's God. I'm Jon. When I remember that simple arrangement, life goes so much better.

I'm bringing dinner back. (My new E-Mealz Idea)

Sometimes, I think our culture views having dinner together as a family as something that's "old fashioned." That might have worked for Norman Rockwell and Little House on the Prairie, but those butter churning, corn cobb pipe whittlin' days are long behind us. The modern family is too busy to connect at the table like that anymore.

Which was why I was surprised to see the ultra modern, not even a smidge old fashioned, Huffington Post do an article recently titled, "How eating at home can save your life."

Here are some insane things the article pointed out:

Research shows that children who have regular meals with their parents do better in every way, from better grades, to healthier relationships, to staying out of trouble.
Kids who have regular meals are 42 percent less likely to drink.
They are 50 percent less likely to smoke.
They are 66 percent less like to smoke marijuana.
Regular family dinners protect girls from bulimia, anorexia, and diet pills.
Family dinners also reduce the incidence of childhood obesity.

As a dad, I don't take those bullet points lightly. And as I mentioned last Wednesday, I've realized recently how out of whack my priorities have been lately. I haven't been focusing very well on the things that matter most.

This year, I will travel more than I ever have before in my life. Although I will protect my time at home and balance my days on the road, it will be far too easy for our family dinners to fall apart.

Maybe it's a challenge for your family too. Maybe you can't remember the last time everyone sat down at the dinner table for 30 minutes without the TV or the iPhones or the Blackberries as invited guests. Maybe you're so on the go that like the Huffington Post article said, you eat "more meals in the minivan than in the kitchen." I don't know the specifics of your situation, but I do want to challenge me and challenge you.

The only problem is that Stuff Christians Like isn't a food blog or a parenting blog or a mom blog. (Though I sometimes wish it were. Mom blogs get crazy traffic!) I respect the concept of what SCL is too much to try to cram a dinner challenge into it.

But the number one sponsor of Stuff Christians Like has a food blog. Their mission is to strengthen families through something as simple as a home cooked meal. Their support of this site is a big part of the reason I get to write each day. And they have graciously offered to host my "bringing dinner back" challenge.

Here's what I'm thinking.

Starting on February 4th , I'm going to blog every Friday on the E-Mealz blog. For three months, I'll tell you how many days our family had a meal together each week and tell you some of the things that happened around the dinner table. If you follow me on Twitter, you know my kids are like tiny comedians. So I assure you it will be funny.

If you're up for it, I'd love to have you do it too. I'd love for you to be deliberate with me to bring dinner back. I'd love for you to comment on the posts and talk trash about the number of days you're family had dinner together that week. (Count from Saturday to Friday each week.) Think of it kind of like a dinner fantasy football league. Just like I mentioned yesterday that having a community approach to reading through the Bible has helped me stay consistent, I think working as a team on bringing dinner back would be fun.

My family is going to use E-Mealz wicked easy recipes to increase our chance of success. They're only $5 a month and if you enter "SCL" in the promo code, it's even cheaper. The Huffington Post made a great point about cooking. "We complain of not having enough time to cook, but Americans spend more time watching cooking on the Food Network than actually preparing their own meals." Since the recipe planning and list making is all done for you, E-Mealz makes it simple to find the time to cook.

I'm excited about this and hope you'll give it a try with me.

Let's bring dinner back.

Talking trash about your Bible reading skillz.

I'm 25 for 25!

What's that mean?

Simple, every day for the last 25 days, I've read the piece of the Bible I need to in order to complete my read through the Bible in one year plan.

If you're not great at math, allow me to crunch those numbers for you.

I'm batting 1,000%.

If I played baseball, they'd be testing me for performance enhancing drugs right now.

If I was a cyclist, I'd be winning the Tour De France. By running up the mountains. With the bike strapped to my back.

If I was a business man, I'd be wearing jeans and a black mock turtle neck telling you how my new product with a lower case i just changed the world. Again.

I'm pretty much unstoppable when it comes to reading through the Bible in a year. But I have bumped into a serious dilemma. Is it a sin to talk trash about Bible reading? Can we get some sort of official ruling on that?

I'm running into that situation because I'm reading through the Bible with a group of guys in an online community. I'm tempted to talk trash and have three different scenarios I need to run by you:

1. Is it bad to comment, "First!" on a Bible reading plan?

The plan is set up so that every day, a new blog post tells us what to read. Then we all comment on the post, indicating we've read it that day. There's only a handful of guys reading it, but I'm still a little tempted to post, "First!" that declaration of victory folks often post when they leave the first comment on a post before anyone else.

2. Is it bad to size up your competition in a Bible reading plan?

Within the first week, my friend Dino emerged as my number one threat to Bible reading dominance. He's always beating me to the first comment or "parable pole position" if you will. I saw him in our office the other day and told him that despite his "gold medal" status it was a long season. We're running a marathon, not a sprint Dino. Don't exhaust yourself in Genesis. That book is a cakewalk compared to Leviticus.

3. Is it bad to just comment, "All I Do is Win?"

I try to write out thoughtful, honest reactions to the passages we are reading. But sometimes, particularly if I've beaten Dino to the first comment like I did this very morning or successfully made my way out of the "Job negative friend-o-rama" I am tempted at 7:15AM to proclaim, "All I Do is Win!"

The answer to all of those questions is probably "Yes, yes Jon Acuff, it is bad." The Bible is about changing your heart, not competition. I agree, but to be honest, it's been really encouraging and challenging to know that other guys are out there reading along with me and will hold me accountable to the commitment I made.

Even if they're jealous of my 25 for 25 record! Haters gonna hate!

Have you ever bragged about your Bible reading skills?

Have you ever known someone who did?

Creating your own "Love Languages."

The book "The 5 Love Languages," is probably one of the best selling marriage books of all time. By Christian Law, you can't go through pre-marital counseling without reading this book. In it, Gary Chapman writes that we all express and receive love in one of five ways, "Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch." For example, I like to receive words of affirmation. My wife likes to receive acts of service. I like when she tells me I'm awesome. She likes when I mop the kitchen floor. This one insight took us approximately 3 years of marriage to figure out.

Love Languages is a great book, but recently I realized I was doing my own remix of it. My wife and I have started to add our own love languages to Chapman's list. In fact I've come up with 5 new ones. And I promise you'll never guess the first one…

"Playing New Super Mario Brothers Wii"

Our kids got a Wii for Christmas. When they go to bed, my wife, who grew up playing Super Mario Brothers and old school Excite Bike, loves to play the Wii. I enjoy it, but it's not my favorite thing to do. Two nights ago, while playing it with Jenny, I wanted to do something else. I was bored of it, but I thought to myself, "Playing Wii is one of the ways Jenny receives love. This is one of her love languages. You're such a great husband." (My inner dialogue only has two speeds, incredible flattery and incredible criticism.)

Stumbling upon this insight, I decided to list out four other love languages I thought were true of my life:

1. Frisbee

This love language goes both ways for me. I love to both give and receive the frisbee. Frisbee golf, ultimate frisbee, just throwing it on the beach. Playing frisbee is clearly one of my love languages and since it's also God's favorite sport I feel pretty good about that.

2. Cadbury Crème Eggs

This is a love language I only like to receive. That is, if you give me a box of three, I probably will not give any of them to anyone else. I don't give out Cadbury Crème Eggs. Since I don't live in England where they have access to them all year and brag about it to me on Twitter, I can't be wasting this love language on random strangers. This is a limited resource.

3. Sarcasm

Is this a spiritual gift or a love language? Probably both. And before you get all judgy mcjudgerton and try to Jesus Juke me, God knew how to lovingly wield sarcasm. In Job 38, he asks Job, "What is the way to the abode of light? And where does darkness reside? Can you take them to their places? Do you know the paths to their dwellings? Surely you know, for you were already born! You have lived so many years!"

When I read that last verse, I feel like God probably wanted to drag out the o and say, 'sooooooooo many years!" But regardless, kind sarcasm is a love language I like to express and receive. The other night when I told my wife I had a great meeting with the web team at Dave Ramsey she said, "Did you tell them you're dumb at technology?" I instantly started laughing, because that is exactly what I had done in the meeting. Although I've learned a lot about social media in the last four years, I am dumb at backend technology. And I loved joking about that sarcastically with my wife.

4. Breakdancing

In the third grade I took a breakdancing class at Doyon Elementary School in Ipswich, Massachusetts. Why in the world was an elementary school in a New England beach town offering pop n' lock lessons? I have no idea. You don't question the gifts you're given, but I'm pretty sure breakin' became a love language for me that year. It's been an electric boogaloo kind of life ever since.

It's entirely possible that I'm the only one that has created my own love languages. (Gary Chapman, feel free to use those five in an updated version of your book.)

But maybe you've done that too. Have you read The 5 Love Languages?

Have you ever created your own? What would you add to the list?

What music makes you feel creative?

Being creative isn't always easy. There are certainly the fireworks moments where you are overwhelmed by an idea and hold on to the handle of a bottle rocket that shoots you into whatever it is your "thing" is. But most times, being creative is a willingness to sit down, push through your doubt and fears, and apply sweat and hard work to creating something. One of the things that helps me in times like that is music.

I'm in the middle of writing a book right now. And as I do, I find myself consistently returning to four bands/people/albums for musical inspiration:

1. Explosions in the Sky

I've written about these guys before. They create big, wide open, haunting yet strangely hopeful music. Sometimes I can't listen to songs with lyrics while I'm writing or the words of the song bump into the words in my head and get all tangled up. Here's one of their songs that I really like.

2. John Williams' Harry Potter Soundtracks

I love John Williams. He did the score from Star Wars, ET and a million other movies. I have a few of the Harry Potter albums he did and find it easy to get into a creative space when he Williams does his thing. (Especially the score from the first movie.)

3. Glory Revealed

This is a great album. Glory Revealed essentially a random collection of different musicians singing Bible passages. In moments of creative discouragement, it's encouraging to return to music that reminds me of who the creator of all creativity is. (Check out the Zephaniah 3:17 song, that one is perfect.)

4. Bob Schneider "40 Dogs."

Schneider is someone I've written about before and was actually the subject of a Serious Wednesday post once. His song "40 Dogs" is one of the happiest songs I've ever heard. The rhythm, the lyrics, the joy expressed in it, I love it. As he sings to a girl, at one point he says, "You're the color of the colored part of the Wizard of Oz movie." Great line. Here's a video of the song. I didn't pick the official one because it started with an ad.

What music inspires you?

What music makes you feel creative?

Jell-O, the Potluck Staple

A long, long time ago, Don McLean owns that collection of words. You can't use them without thinking of the song "American Pie." But perhaps that is fitting because a long, long time ago I wrote a love letter to the crock pot, that rotund bellied deliverer of deliciousness. But a reader named Maria Walters told me I was missing a very important element of the church potluck, the jello dish. She researched the worst types of jello dishes (olives and velveeta?) and then wrote a song of sorts. Here is her very funny, very musical guest post. (Read it to the tune of "Twas the Night Before Christmas.") Enjoy!

Ode to Jello, the Potluck Staple

"A potluck," the church bulletin said,

And ambitious plans began to run through my head.

I could make something exotic, some salads or soups,

But something unfamiliar was destined for sympathy scoops

Paralyzed by ideas, and ingredients for none

The potluck came with no planning done.

I opened my pantry to see what we've got

JELL-O stared back. I was saved… so I thought.

As I walked in that night with my platter of yellow,

I asked where to put it and was told: by the JELL-O

And, yes, there they were, Jigglers like mine

But all with such perfect molds and designs

And wait, that's not all, as I scanned to the right.

Giant glass bowls full of JELL-O filled up my sight

But just JELL-O? No. Not plain JELL-O at all:

covered with marshmallows, layered, or piled tall.

And what were those shapes inside? Were they nuts?

Canned fruit, berries, raisins, carrots?

Milk, yogurt, and applesauce caught my eye

And whipped cream peaks that reached to the sky.

But beside the parfaits… is that cottage cheese?

In JELL-O? And popcorn? Don't tell me, oh please!

This one is made with Velveeta, that one with greens,

Cucumbers and celery – nightmares replaced my JELL-O dreams!

Olives? Really? And pretzels? And cola?

All mixed together in a "delightful" ambrosia.

Now my plate is full of gelatinous goo,

Which leads to the question: if I taste it, would you?

Be honest, have you ever thrown together Jell-o at the last minute before a dinner party or potluck? If not, what's your go to "pretend you didn't forget to plan ahead" dish?

(For more great stuff from Maria, check out her blog.)

#4 in 2010: Having 2 Gods

(This is the first Serious Wednesday post on the top 10 list. It's about my daughters and me realizing I sometimes have two Gods.)

Having 2 Gods

I am a wuss.

When I was growing up, we watched the movie Jaws. I imagined that the floor was an ocean and that if my feet touched it, that massive shark would bite them. Twenty five years later I still refuse to have my feet on the floor during scary moments. In movie theaters, at home, at friends' houses, I will yank my feet up if a movie grows dark and an "oboe of terror" starts to mournfully play.

I am a wuss, but sometimes this world is legitimately scary.

The Department of Justice recently did a study that showed that 1 out of every 4 girls will be raped before graduating college.

Every day, kids plant landmines online that will not explode until they are older and realize a photo can never, ever be deleted from the Internet.

The only fictional part of movies like "Man on Fire," and "Taken," is the idea that someone is coming to rescue the kidnapped and sex slaved children around the world.

We are hurt and continuing to hurt each other.

And into that world, I am sending my two daughters.

That scares me sometimes. I'm trying to send my two daughters out into the world so full of love that when culture tries to spill them, they will not empty. When faced with temptations or trials or hurts, they will be so sure of who they are, in both our family and our God, that they will not be full of doubt. That they will know that whatever they do, whoever they grow into, the love I gave them as children is the love I will give them as adults.

My fear is that they will think I am two dads, in the same way lots of Christians think there are two gods. (That almost sounded like a reference to the show, "My 2 Dads," but I assure you it was not. Worst show concept. "We were both sleeping with your mom and don't know which one of us is your father. I'm wacky, he's straight laced!")

What do I mean by two gods?

Simply this: Sometimes, we live our lives as if there is a Pre Crucifixion God and an After Crucifixion God.

If you're a Christian, at some point in your life you've been bowled over by the graciousness and wildly unkempt love God had for you Pre Crucifixion. He so greatly desired your presence and your closeness that he sent his only son to the cross to draw your near. Over a period of generations he unfolded a plan that sent his son to the cross and you to his arms. His love was so deep and true that he forsake his own son to open the door to you. There is no greater love.

We are overwhelmed by Pre Crucifixion God. He is amazing and as one author put it, almost wasteful in his love for us he pours it out so generously and lavishly.

And then we start to live life.

Then the weeks and months start to stack up between us and that moment when we first encountered Pre-Crucifixion God. We get some distance between us and that unleashed, unbridled love. And we make some mistakes. We fail. We fall down. And that is when we meet After Crucifixion God.

That is when we find ourselves hiding in the shadows. Like Adam and Eve accepting an apple when they were already given the whole orchard, we choose the small and insignificant and we blow it. In that moment, what do we do?

Do we run back to Pre-Crucifixion God? Do we say to ourselves, "This God of mine, he loved me so much that he sent his son to die for me. Where else could I find love like that? Where could I find forgiveness like that? Look what he did in the past, surely he would love me in the present!"

No, that is usually not what I do. Often, when I fail, I construct a less loving God in my head. He has arbitrary rules and regulations. He is not so loving. He is a God who keeps score and tallies failure. He wants me to earn things. He does not lavish grace. He regulates it. I end up finding an After Crucifixion God. A less loving caricature of the God I used to know.

I end up serving two Gods.

But the truth is, there is only one God.

God was not just loving in the past, he is love.

God was not just forgiving in the past, he is forgiveness.

God was not just gracious in the past, he is grace.

The God who drew you near with the death of his son, is the same God who loves you through the new failures of the new day. That wild love, is still the love he gives.

Because there is only one God.

I hope my daughters will always know that the dad who loved them when they were 3 will love them when they are 33. I hope L.E. and McRae will always know my love for them is not subject to performance or accomplishment. It just is.

And I'm only a dad, a broken human of a dad.

Imagine how the one God feels about you?

The Preemptive Meet and Greet

Last Sunday, I grabbed seats in church while my wife brought the kids to Sunday School. I usually use those few minutes of wait time to dump every idea I have in my head into a moleskine notebook or evernote on my iPhone. (Idea generation is one of the parts of my brain I have to quiet a little if I'm really going to focus on worship.) A few minutes after sitting down, a couple in their 50s slid in next to me. The wife, immediately said, "Hi, I'm Patty and this is my husband Mark!"

I was honestly flabbergasted by this gesture.

Not that it was rude. I was touched that Patty wanted to meet me. I was honored that she wanted to introduce me to her husband. I just wasn't expecting it. Why?

Patty had executed a perfect "Preemptive Meet and Greet."

She didn't wait for the guy running the announcements to tell us, "turn to your neighbor and say hello." She didn't wait for the pastor to ask us to turn to our neighbor with an assignment, "Ask the person next to you if they enjoyed the snow last week." Nope, Patty just went for it and it was actually pretty awesome.

I think there are a few reasons this was such a great experience:

1. Patty didn't front hug me.

Shaking the hand of a stranger on a Sunday morning is a great. I got to meet Patty! Things would have been very different though if she slid next to me and said, "Hi, I'm Patty! I'm a hugger. Get over here. It's going to be a long one too, you person I've never laid eyes on before." (Hard to say if a side hug would have worked in that situation or not.)

2. Patty kept the handshake simple.

It always kills me when you meet a stranger and your very first handshake is a complicated, 12 step, snap + half hug move. I feel like I'm being inducted into the secret Stonecutters guild. Patty kept the handshake simple and straightforward. We locked hands, shook approximately 2.3 times and broke it off. Anyone who saw it could not have mistaken us as members of the Crips or the Bloods.

3. Patty didn't race our pastor Pete Wilson.

Our church doesn't usually do the "meet and greet." It seemed like Patty knew that and was taking the situation into her own hands. If Cross Point did regularly do a meet and greet, then Patty's gesture could have been interpreted as her beating Pete Wilson to the punch. Kind of an "in your face, been there done that," meet and greet touchdown dance.

At this point, some of you might be thinking, "I always greet people I sit next to, I guess my faith is rich and warm and filled with community, you cold hearted monster of a man." I think that's a little extreme considering all I said was that I didn't want to share a long front hug with a stranger, but you're certainly entitled to your own opinion. I personally think the Patty interchange was perfect.

When my wife slid into our row a couple of minutes later, I excitedly said, "Jenny, this is Patty and her husband Mark!" We felt like old friends by that point, which I think is ultimately the goal of the preemptive meet and greet.

Have you ever experienced a preemptive meet and greet?

Does your church do the meet and greet during service?