Jon Acuff's Blog, page 139

Happy Memorial Day!

I hope you get the chance to do something fun and important and day-offish today.

To my grandfather, my friends in the service and all the troops, thank you for serving our country!

Stuff Christians Like returns tomorrow.

What's on your summer soundtrack? (A short Saturday question)

My wife and I just started building our summer soundtrack. It's a collection of songs that we'll listen to during adventures this summer. Like musical envelopes, we'll hide our memories in them from the warm months of 2011. Years later, when we hear them on the radio we'll remember the fourth of July in Blowing Rock, or going on a river walk in Franklin Tennessee.

The first song we're putting on it this year is Brett Dennen's "Sydney (I'll Come Running.)" It's impossibly happy and includes one of the best descriptions I've ever heard of what it feels like to play a show as a musician. He says, "We were in the basement, just giving our blood on stage, and pretending we were famous." (The video is after the jump)

The second song is Mat Kearney's "Hey Mama." Here's the song. (It takes 12 seconds to start.)

What song captures summer for you?

What song would you put on your summer soundtrack?

Kid-ifying wild Bible stories.

(I've got two daughters. They're 5 and 7. My wife and I often talk about different ways to encourage about exploring the Bible. But, I'm not sure my 5 year old is ready for every story the Bible has to offer. Here in a completely random, completely fun guest post, Lindsey Whitney shares one way we could adapt one particular Bible story for kids. Enjoy!)

Kid-ifying wild Bible stories. By Lindsey Whitney

Hey Pastor, Here's an Ehud poem for your sermon series if you'd like:

There was once a mean king, Eglon was his name

He lived in Moab, and great was his fame

He was quite pudgy, so pudgy in fact

He could eat a whole cow and call it a snack!

The Israelite people said "Let's get rid of this king

He's simply too mean, but how to do such a thing?"

They prayed to the Lord, and God sent to the land

A great warrior named Ehud, a sword in his hand

The thing about Ehud, it was a little bit strange

He fought left-handed, it gave him more range

Ehud went to the palace, he and the king had a meeting

Ehud brought a gift, and of course there was eating

A secret message I have, Ehud said at the throne

"Quiet!" said the king, and all left them alone

The king rose from his seat to be able to hear

Ehud reached for his sword as the king drew near

A tricky move, a left-hand stab

The sword sunk so deep it was beyond Ehud's grab

The fat closed in around the handle

The king was caught off guard by that left-handed angle

The king fell over dead, now what to do?

Ehud thought, "I'll trick his servants into thinking he's going poo"

Ehud slipped out the back, with the servants outside waiting

What's that king doing? The wait was exasperating.

They waited so long they were ashamed for the king

The servants came in — "What a frightful thing!"

The king was found dead, and Ehud was coming back

This time with an army and talking smack

The Lord defeated Moab, Israel won that day

And those bewildered servants didn't know what to say.

Question:

What's another Bible story we might have to kid-ify?

For more great stuff from Lindsey Whitney, check out her blog, Growing Kids Ministry.

Big Announcement Next Thursday!

At the core of my book Quitter is the idea that you've got to be bold and brave to step into the things you're called to. You've got to take risks and be patient and hustle on your dream so that you don't wake up at 80 and realize you lived a life without purpose or meaning.

In the last few months, a new opportunity has started to develop that I'm really excited about. A chance to do something big and fun and way over my head that helps a lot of people. And I can't encourage other people to be brave if I'm not going to be so I'm going to jump into this opportunity with both feet.

I'll announce it next Thursday, June 2 on Stuff Christians Like and on the radio with Dave Ramsey. In the meantime, get ready, because I think it's going to be awesome and I hope you'll go along with me.

Christians in the NBA.

When did I become that awkward 35 year old who can't make a free throw to save his life? I used to make fun of that guy when I was in the seventh grade, rocking my champion sweatshirt and listening to Bell Biv Devoe "Thought it was me" on my yellow Sony walkman.

I used to be able to do a layup. I promise. Though I was horrible at basketball and in the 8th was the short kid who played in the last 13 seconds of the game and got a raucous pity cheer from the crowd whenever he touched the ball in the hope that I'd actually score, I could hit a layup.

I thought about my complete lack of hoops skills (I'm so horrible I can't spell it skillz) when I saw that Stephon Marbury, the former NBA star, recently became I born again Christian. I learned this in GQ magazine and my immediate thought was:

"Excellent, my all Christian basketball team is really starting to come together."

You don't have one of those in your head? You really should, it's delightful. But before you start to build your own, I have to let you know whom I've already drafted and is no longer available for your team:

1. AC Green

When I was growing up, all I knew about Lakers player AC Green was that he was a virgin. Didn't know the position he played, where he went to college or how many points he scored. All anybody ever talked about was that he was a Christian and he was a virgin. I practically expected announcers to say, "And substituting for James Worthy is AC Green, a virgin."

2. David Robinson

You've got to have the Admiral at center. David Robinson was approximately 19 feet tall and more muscular than anyone in the NBA. In the 80s and 90s it didn't seem like NBA players lifted weights at all, except for Dan Majerle, Kevin Willis and David Robinson. Plus he won a championship and is a Christian.

3. Chris Paul

Unbelievable point guard, unbelievable heart for the Lord. In 2002, Paul's 61-year-old grandfather was jumped, duck taped and beaten until he died by a group of teenagers who wanted his wallet. He was Paul's best friend. What has Paul said about the case? "These guys were 14 and 15 years old [at the time], with a lot of life ahead of them. I wish I could talk to them and tell them, 'I forgive you. Honestly.' I hate to know that they're going to jail for such a long time. I hate it." That's a powerful picture of forgiveness.

4. Dwight Howard

He's going to need to move over to power forward because Robinson is holding down center, but I have no doubt he can handle it. Imagine Chris Paul and Dwight Howard playing together? That would be ridiculous. Plus, he's down in Orlando so we could probably get Relevant Magazine to sponsor the team since that's where they're headquartered. This thing is really coming together.

5. Bobby Jones

Coming in at small forward is Bobby Jones, one of the best defenders of all time. He won a championship with Dr. J, hustled like few people and let me jump on his trampoline one time. He's friends with my dad and I can verify that he is indeed a Christian and does indeed have a pretty awesome trampoline. I make a lot of my decisions in life based on whether the decision will gain me access to a trampoline. I'm sorry if you think that's shallow, that's just how I was raised.

6. Dennis Rodman

Wait, what? Dennis Rodman is a Christian? Not yet, but wait for it. This one is going to happen and when it does, we're going to lock in a phenomenally colorful rebounder.

If I told you the amount of googling I had to do to form this team it would make your teeth hurt a little. But fortunately we've got a pretty solid coach signed on, James Naismith. Who's that? Just the guy who invented the game of basketball. Granted, he's used to playing it in peach baskets and never even heard the word "dunk," but his assistant coach Dean Smith will fill him in.

Who would you draft for your team?

If basketball's not your thing, who is your favorite athlete that's a Christian?

5 tips to land your dream job. (My interview on Fox News)

Last weekend, the folks at Fox & Friends brought me up to New York to talk about my new book Quitter. I was nervous, but it ended up being a lot of fun. Here's the video clip of me talking about "5 ways to land your dream job."

Asking questions.

The other day I had to go buy makeup.

For me.

For my face.

I've already cut up my man card and distributed pieces to my close friends who mocked me.

Apparently, when you go on television you have to wear makeup, which is a little weird, but I get it. The lights are bright, you look all shiny and crazy if you don't have a good foundation from MAC that will even out your skin tone. (See that? I'm already talking the lingo. Scary.)

The really weird part is that you have to apply it yourself.

When I go to a television studio, I'm in charge of my own makeup. I have to put on the foundation and the bronzer. I am not good at this. Even buying it felt like a challenge. My wife was busy so I took a list my friend Meg had prepared stood, in the makeup aisle of Target, and finally asked a stranger, "Can you tell me which of these products is bronzer and which one looks like my face?"

Good times. On the Friday before the first television appearance I've ever done, before heading out to buy makeup, I went to get a haircut. As I've confessed approximately 1 million times, I wrestle with anxiety and fear. So as I waited for my haircut, I could feel myself tensing about being on TV for the first time. "What do I know about being on TV. Oh geez, what have I got myself into? What if I swear during the middle of the interview or throw up? What if the guy who is on before me is a dog trainer and one of his dogs bites me during the middle of my segment, thus making me swear and throw up?"

When they called my name to get a haircut, I approached the front desk. An exhausted looking girl said, "Sheryl isn't here today. Who do you want to cut your hair?" I said, "Who is awesome?"

She responded, "Uh, I am. I'll cut your hair."

Teasing her about her hesitation, I said, "You feeling awesome today? You seem tired."

"I stayed up until 6AM this morning." She said.

I thought about that for a second and told her, "You sure you feel good about having scissors around my head right now?"

She smiled and I sat down in the chair. A big part of the reason I go to Great Clips is that it's a great, random chance to talk about God. I don't know if I'd go so far as to say Great Clips is a mission field for me, but it is a one on one conversation for 30 minutes and I always try to make the most of it.

I'm not good at witnessing though. When people tell me, "I helped lead 12 people to the Lord this summer at the beach," I feel intimidated. I feel woefully unqualified to witness. And it always seemed complicated to me, like maybe I was going to take the wrong off ramp on the Romans Road. But I learned a small secret about talking about God a few years ago. Here it is:

Just ask questions.

Sometimes we're so eager to force an agenda on someone or "Facebook Friend Suggest Jesus," that we don't take the time to listen. To ask questions, which is just what I did when I got my haircut.

I was at the crossroads. Barbara the tired stylist told me she was up until 6AM. One path was judgment. "I bet she was out clubbing all night." Another path was ego. "Did I tell you yet I was going to be on TV this Monday?" Another path was disinterest. I could have sat there in silence, grabbed a quick haircut and been on my way. But instead, I asked her a simple question, "Why were you up so late?" Here is what she told me:

"My aunt has ovarian cancer and is having surgery in a few days. You know those times when you stay up late at night crying your hardest for five hours until your eyes are swollen the next day? That's what I was doing."

I asked, "Do you guys have a good support network of family in Tennessee?"

She answered, "My mom is here, but my dad left me when I was three. When I was a teenager he texted me out of the blue after years of silence and told me I was a 'worthless piece of #$@!' I graduated from high school early because I got such good grades and decided to get married. My father refused to walk me down the aisle and instead lied that he was in the hospital. That was the last I heard from him. He's abandoned me and his 15 other children."

I few minutes later, I asked, "How long have you been married?"

She answered, "I was married for five years but he became physically abusive after he started taking steroids."

A few minutes after that I asked, "Do you like cutting hair?"

She answered, "I just want to get to Florida. I just want to get away and have something good happen for once. My mom and I are trying to move to Florida and get a fresh start. I just want to escape and open up my own shop there. I have to get away from Tennessee."

All in all, we probably talked for 20 minutes. I came in that day thinking I was busy or important or a million other "me, me, me" focused things. But all of that changed the second I asked her a question.

Sometimes we think going overseas is the only way to be a missionary. Sometimes we overlook the people we're surrounded by all day. Sometimes we're afraid to witness to people or share our faith because we're think we'll do it wrong. But sometimes, the girl cutting your hair isn't tired because she partied all night.

Sometimes the stranger you meet has a story to share, if, you'll take the time to ask a question.

My interview with author Tim Sanders.

Tim Sanders is one of the most inspiring people I've ever met. It's impossible to have a conversation with him and not walk away with a list of things you want to do differently with your life. A few years ago he wrote a really popular book called, "Love Is the Killer App." Now, he's got a new one called "Today We Are Rich." A few weeks ago I had the chance to sit down with him and ask him a few questions. Check out the video interview after the jump:

When your minister tells a joke that bombs.

The other night, I told a joke that bombed.

It was horrible. I threw it out there. Struck out, proceeded to stand there awkwardly for a second in front of Dave Ramsey, 100 people I work with and a room full of folks who came out for a charity gala.

What did I say?

Well, let me give you a little back story.

First of all, I'm not a minister. At least not in the technical sense of the word anyway, which I believe involves seminary, more wisdom than I possess, and owning books that have the word "hermeneutics" in them. But sometimes I do get to share ideas with large groups of people from a stage that may or may not have a pulpit on it.

A few weeks ago, Matt Chambers and Blake Thompson asked me to record a video message for the fundraising event they were doing in Franklin, TN for a new project in Haiti. It's called "Join a New Story" and I was disappointed that I'd be out of town and miss the actual event. So we recorded a 3 minute video that started with me talking about how I was too short for the camera angle in Dave Ramsey's studio and was forced to sit on a microphone box like a booster seat. I then told this joke:

"By the time you finish watching this three minute video, 42 new non-profits will have been founded, 38 of them in Haiti."

Matt and Blake loved it! I wrote it to disarm people who feel overwhelmed with the number of non-profits that are available right now. It was also going to serve as my introduction into sharing why out of all the many options, I personally decided to support Matt and Blake.

At the last minute, my trip out of town got canceled and I ended up attending the event. It was an amazing night and Matt, Blake, Brian Williams and my team leader Bill Hampton did a great job sharing some beautiful stories about the maternity center they're building in Haiti.

In the midst of that quiet, candlelight-ish moment, I took the stage. I told a few jokes, got a handful of laughs and then said,

"By the time I finish this three minute speech, 42 new non-profits will have been founded, 38 of them in Haiti."

Crickets.

The room went deathly silent.

I got zero charity laughs at a charity event.

Only one person laughed out loud and it was Blake. He later told me that everyone in an immediate circle around him turned to look at the monster who was laughing.

Instantly recognizing the awkward grenade I had just set off, I backpedaled as fast as I could and said,

"Which is great, it's great that so many people are creating so many new non-profits right now. But how do you know who you should partner with?"

I then threw up a little in my sleeve, debated whether I had a smoke bomb in my pocket that I could throw into the crowd like Storm Shadow from GI Joe and finished the rest of the speech as fast as I could.

I bombed at a charity event. Not only that, by bombing the joke it sounded like I was making fun of charities, which is the last thing I was trying to do. But I know I'm not the only one who has done that.

Has your minister ever said something from the pulpit that he was convinced was funny, but wasn't?

How did you respond? Did you throw out a courtesy laugh? Did you make eye contact with him or immediately pretend you were really interested in your bulletin?

Birmingham Quitter Event!

We added a new stop on the Quitter Book Tour. This Thursday night, from 6-8PM, I'll be in Birmingham, AL. Not only will I be there, but the whole Acuff family will be making an appearance. You can buy a copy of Quitter at the store, hang out, grab Quitter stickers and buttons and enjoy more mirth than most Thursday nights usually have in them.

Here are the details:

Thursday May 26, 6-8PM

Brookwood Village

757 Brookwood Village

Birmingham AL 35209

(205) 870-0213