Jon Acuff's Blog, page 139

Christians in the NBA.

When did I become that awkward 35 year old who can't make a free throw to save his life? I used to make fun of that guy when I was in the seventh grade, rocking my champion sweatshirt and listening to Bell Biv Devoe "Thought it was me" on my yellow Sony walkman.

I used to be able to do a layup. I promise. Though I was horrible at basketball and in the 8th was the short kid who played in the last 13 seconds of the game and got a raucous pity cheer from the crowd whenever he touched the ball in the hope that I'd actually score, I could hit a layup.

I thought about my complete lack of hoops skills (I'm so horrible I can't spell it skillz) when I saw that Stephon Marbury, the former NBA star, recently became I born again Christian. I learned this in GQ magazine and my immediate thought was:

"Excellent, my all Christian basketball team is really starting to come together."

You don't have one of those in your head? You really should, it's delightful. But before you start to build your own, I have to let you know whom I've already drafted and is no longer available for your team:

1. AC Green

When I was growing up, all I knew about Lakers player AC Green was that he was a virgin. Didn't know the position he played, where he went to college or how many points he scored. All anybody ever talked about was that he was a Christian and he was a virgin. I practically expected announcers to say, "And substituting for James Worthy is AC Green, a virgin."

2. David Robinson

You've got to have the Admiral at center. David Robinson was approximately 19 feet tall and more muscular than anyone in the NBA. In the 80s and 90s it didn't seem like NBA players lifted weights at all, except for Dan Majerle, Kevin Willis and David Robinson. Plus he won a championship and is a Christian.

3. Chris Paul

Unbelievable point guard, unbelievable heart for the Lord. In 2002, Paul's 61-year-old grandfather was jumped, duck taped and beaten until he died by a group of teenagers who wanted his wallet. He was Paul's best friend. What has Paul said about the case? "These guys were 14 and 15 years old [at the time], with a lot of life ahead of them. I wish I could talk to them and tell them, 'I forgive you. Honestly.' I hate to know that they're going to jail for such a long time. I hate it." That's a powerful picture of forgiveness.

4. Dwight Howard

He's going to need to move over to power forward because Robinson is holding down center, but I have no doubt he can handle it. Imagine Chris Paul and Dwight Howard playing together? That would be ridiculous. Plus, he's down in Orlando so we could probably get Relevant Magazine to sponsor the team since that's where they're headquartered. This thing is really coming together.

5. Bobby Jones

Coming in at small forward is Bobby Jones, one of the best defenders of all time. He won a championship with Dr. J, hustled like few people and let me jump on his trampoline one time. He's friends with my dad and I can verify that he is indeed a Christian and does indeed have a pretty awesome trampoline. I make a lot of my decisions in life based on whether the decision will gain me access to a trampoline. I'm sorry if you think that's shallow, that's just how I was raised.

6. Dennis Rodman

Wait, what? Dennis Rodman is a Christian? Not yet, but wait for it. This one is going to happen and when it does, we're going to lock in a phenomenally colorful rebounder.

If I told you the amount of googling I had to do to form this team it would make your teeth hurt a little. But fortunately we've got a pretty solid coach signed on, James Naismith. Who's that? Just the guy who invented the game of basketball. Granted, he's used to playing it in peach baskets and never even heard the word "dunk," but his assistant coach Dean Smith will fill him in.

Who would you draft for your team?

If basketball's not your thing, who is your favorite athlete that's a Christian?

5 tips to land your dream job. (My interview on Fox News)

Last weekend, the folks at Fox & Friends brought me up to New York to talk about my new book Quitter. I was nervous, but it ended up being a lot of fun. Here's the video clip of me talking about "5 ways to land your dream job."

Asking questions.

The other day I had to go buy makeup.

For me.

For my face.

I've already cut up my man card and distributed pieces to my close friends who mocked me.

Apparently, when you go on television you have to wear makeup, which is a little weird, but I get it. The lights are bright, you look all shiny and crazy if you don't have a good foundation from MAC that will even out your skin tone. (See that? I'm already talking the lingo. Scary.)

The really weird part is that you have to apply it yourself.

When I go to a television studio, I'm in charge of my own makeup. I have to put on the foundation and the bronzer. I am not good at this. Even buying it felt like a challenge. My wife was busy so I took a list my friend Meg had prepared stood, in the makeup aisle of Target, and finally asked a stranger, "Can you tell me which of these products is bronzer and which one looks like my face?"

Good times. On the Friday before the first television appearance I've ever done, before heading out to buy makeup, I went to get a haircut. As I've confessed approximately 1 million times, I wrestle with anxiety and fear. So as I waited for my haircut, I could feel myself tensing about being on TV for the first time. "What do I know about being on TV. Oh geez, what have I got myself into? What if I swear during the middle of the interview or throw up? What if the guy who is on before me is a dog trainer and one of his dogs bites me during the middle of my segment, thus making me swear and throw up?"

When they called my name to get a haircut, I approached the front desk. An exhausted looking girl said, "Sheryl isn't here today. Who do you want to cut your hair?" I said, "Who is awesome?"

She responded, "Uh, I am. I'll cut your hair."

Teasing her about her hesitation, I said, "You feeling awesome today? You seem tired."

"I stayed up until 6AM this morning." She said.

I thought about that for a second and told her, "You sure you feel good about having scissors around my head right now?"

She smiled and I sat down in the chair. A big part of the reason I go to Great Clips is that it's a great, random chance to talk about God. I don't know if I'd go so far as to say Great Clips is a mission field for me, but it is a one on one conversation for 30 minutes and I always try to make the most of it.

I'm not good at witnessing though. When people tell me, "I helped lead 12 people to the Lord this summer at the beach," I feel intimidated. I feel woefully unqualified to witness. And it always seemed complicated to me, like maybe I was going to take the wrong off ramp on the Romans Road. But I learned a small secret about talking about God a few years ago. Here it is:

Just ask questions.

Sometimes we're so eager to force an agenda on someone or "Facebook Friend Suggest Jesus," that we don't take the time to listen. To ask questions, which is just what I did when I got my haircut.

I was at the crossroads. Barbara the tired stylist told me she was up until 6AM. One path was judgment. "I bet she was out clubbing all night." Another path was ego. "Did I tell you yet I was going to be on TV this Monday?" Another path was disinterest. I could have sat there in silence, grabbed a quick haircut and been on my way. But instead, I asked her a simple question, "Why were you up so late?" Here is what she told me:

"My aunt has ovarian cancer and is having surgery in a few days. You know those times when you stay up late at night crying your hardest for five hours until your eyes are swollen the next day? That's what I was doing."

I asked, "Do you guys have a good support network of family in Tennessee?"

She answered, "My mom is here, but my dad left me when I was three. When I was a teenager he texted me out of the blue after years of silence and told me I was a 'worthless piece of #$@!' I graduated from high school early because I got such good grades and decided to get married. My father refused to walk me down the aisle and instead lied that he was in the hospital. That was the last I heard from him. He's abandoned me and his 15 other children."

I few minutes later, I asked, "How long have you been married?"

She answered, "I was married for five years but he became physically abusive after he started taking steroids."

A few minutes after that I asked, "Do you like cutting hair?"

She answered, "I just want to get to Florida. I just want to get away and have something good happen for once. My mom and I are trying to move to Florida and get a fresh start. I just want to escape and open up my own shop there. I have to get away from Tennessee."

All in all, we probably talked for 20 minutes. I came in that day thinking I was busy or important or a million other "me, me, me" focused things. But all of that changed the second I asked her a question.

Sometimes we think going overseas is the only way to be a missionary. Sometimes we overlook the people we're surrounded by all day. Sometimes we're afraid to witness to people or share our faith because we're think we'll do it wrong. But sometimes, the girl cutting your hair isn't tired because she partied all night.

Sometimes the stranger you meet has a story to share, if, you'll take the time to ask a question.

My interview with author Tim Sanders.

Tim Sanders is one of the most inspiring people I've ever met. It's impossible to have a conversation with him and not walk away with a list of things you want to do differently with your life. A few years ago he wrote a really popular book called, "Love Is the Killer App." Now, he's got a new one called "Today We Are Rich." A few weeks ago I had the chance to sit down with him and ask him a few questions. Check out the video interview after the jump:

When your minister tells a joke that bombs.

The other night, I told a joke that bombed.

It was horrible. I threw it out there. Struck out, proceeded to stand there awkwardly for a second in front of Dave Ramsey, 100 people I work with and a room full of folks who came out for a charity gala.

What did I say?

Well, let me give you a little back story.

First of all, I'm not a minister. At least not in the technical sense of the word anyway, which I believe involves seminary, more wisdom than I possess, and owning books that have the word "hermeneutics" in them. But sometimes I do get to share ideas with large groups of people from a stage that may or may not have a pulpit on it.

A few weeks ago, Matt Chambers and Blake Thompson asked me to record a video message for the fundraising event they were doing in Franklin, TN for a new project in Haiti. It's called "Join a New Story" and I was disappointed that I'd be out of town and miss the actual event. So we recorded a 3 minute video that started with me talking about how I was too short for the camera angle in Dave Ramsey's studio and was forced to sit on a microphone box like a booster seat. I then told this joke:

"By the time you finish watching this three minute video, 42 new non-profits will have been founded, 38 of them in Haiti."

Matt and Blake loved it! I wrote it to disarm people who feel overwhelmed with the number of non-profits that are available right now. It was also going to serve as my introduction into sharing why out of all the many options, I personally decided to support Matt and Blake.

At the last minute, my trip out of town got canceled and I ended up attending the event. It was an amazing night and Matt, Blake, Brian Williams and my team leader Bill Hampton did a great job sharing some beautiful stories about the maternity center they're building in Haiti.

In the midst of that quiet, candlelight-ish moment, I took the stage. I told a few jokes, got a handful of laughs and then said,

"By the time I finish this three minute speech, 42 new non-profits will have been founded, 38 of them in Haiti."

Crickets.

The room went deathly silent.

I got zero charity laughs at a charity event.

Only one person laughed out loud and it was Blake. He later told me that everyone in an immediate circle around him turned to look at the monster who was laughing.

Instantly recognizing the awkward grenade I had just set off, I backpedaled as fast as I could and said,

"Which is great, it's great that so many people are creating so many new non-profits right now. But how do you know who you should partner with?"

I then threw up a little in my sleeve, debated whether I had a smoke bomb in my pocket that I could throw into the crowd like Storm Shadow from GI Joe and finished the rest of the speech as fast as I could.

I bombed at a charity event. Not only that, by bombing the joke it sounded like I was making fun of charities, which is the last thing I was trying to do. But I know I'm not the only one who has done that.

Has your minister ever said something from the pulpit that he was convinced was funny, but wasn't?

How did you respond? Did you throw out a courtesy laugh? Did you make eye contact with him or immediately pretend you were really interested in your bulletin?

Birmingham Quitter Event!

We added a new stop on the Quitter Book Tour. This Thursday night, from 6-8PM, I'll be in Birmingham, AL. Not only will I be there, but the whole Acuff family will be making an appearance. You can buy a copy of Quitter at the store, hang out, grab Quitter stickers and buttons and enjoy more mirth than most Thursday nights usually have in them.

Here are the details:

Thursday May 26, 6-8PM

Brookwood Village

757 Brookwood Village

Birmingham AL 35209

(205) 870-0213

Kind of, sort of, secretly wondering, "Hey, what if the world does end on May 21?"

If you're reading this right now, then the world did not end on May 21. Or it did end and you're in heaven and the official blog is Stuff Christians Like! Hooray!

But you knew the rapture wasn't going to happen on May 21. If you're at all like me, a biped with a sense of humor, you laughed a little about the groundswell of conversation about the world ending on May 21.

The minister who was predicting it had predicted this same exact thing in 1994. Now in 2011, he was back with a new wave of billboards and devoted followers handing out flyers warning about the rapture date. You didn't think it was going to happen. You knew it wasn't going to happen on that date and probably quoted the same verse I did, Matthew 24:36 "No one knows about that day or hour. Not even the angels in heaven know. The son does not know. Only the father knows."

And yet …

I cracked one slow eye on Saturday morning to see if I was still here when I awoke. I opened the blinds to see if there was anyone out and about or if I had been left behind or Lahayed Behind as I like to say. I didn't run anywhere. I promise I didn't sprint across our backyard, jump the fence and bang on our neighbor's front door to verify that we were all still here. But last Friday, as I sat in the Orlando airport reading the media coverage of it, I thought, "I'm glad I'm headed home today because if is the last day, I want to spend it with my wife and kids." And do you know why I thought that? Do you know who I blame?

Noah.

Whenever I bump into something that feels a little crazy, or outside the norm, my first reaction is skepticism. My second reaction is to blog about it. And my third is to think, "Yeah, but people laughed at Noah too."

For 120 years, he hammered away at a boat in a land that had never seen rain. For 120 years he did something silly. Forget hosting a website about the end of the world or paying for billboards, Noah spent 120 years building an ark of unbelievable scale in front of an unbelieving crowd.

Then he wrangled animals. Mammal by mammal, reptile by reptile, unicorn by, well that one did not work out, but we still got the Narwhal! For 120 years he did that while his friends and neighbors put him on blast on whatever was the Old Testament version of Twitter. (Graffiti on papyrus? Insults on chiseled rocks? Hard to say.) And then it started to rain.

Which is why I have a hard time not throwing the "Noah Card" on myself when I doubt. Did I stay up until midnight so that I could jump into the air for the rapture like the guy who could fly on the show Heroes instead of floating up out of bed asleep? No. But did I throw the Noah card at least once on Friday, May 20? Maybe.

Question:

What did you think about the whole "world is going to end on May 21" situation?

Win 1 of 25 copies of Francis Chan's new video series BASIC.

Francis Chan writes dangerous books. They're dangerous because when you read them, it's really hard to stay the same. They ask hard questions in beautiful ways and tend to change people and churches.

He's about to do that same thing with his new BASIC video series.

I got a sneak peek at this series and it is fantastic. They're shot with gorgeously simple detail and imbued with the honesty and ideas that made so many people love the book Crazy Love.

And they're brand new material, from a pastor I hope keeps turning out new material.

Today, I've got 25 copies of BASIC to give away free.

Here's how to enter:

1. Leave a comment on this post with an answer to the question, "What's one topic you'd love to see Francis Chan cover in a video?"

2. Twitter a link to this post with this link: http://bit.ly/jBUVQ8. If you don't have a Twitter account, you can use Facebook. You can write your own or use this example. "Win a free copy of Francis Chan's new video series BASIC on @jonacuff's blog http://bit.ly/jBUVQ8 "

3. On Saturday May, 28 we will pick 25 winners. We'll announce them the following week and you can email your address if you're one of the winners.

That's it! I hope you enter. And if you want to see the trailer for BASIC, I have posted it below:

Proofreading your way through worship.

(In the Stuff Christians Like book, I confessed I sometimes find typos in the worship music. I don't want to, it just happens. But when I read this great guest post from Julia Rhodes, I knew I wasn't alone and had to share it with you. Enjoy!)

Proofreading your way through worship – by Julia Rhodes

I'll go ahead and get this out of the way up front: I'm a professional editor. It's what I get paid to do. So I'll concede that I'm pretty much a big mouth-breather when it comes to punctuation and plural possessives.

But I'll bet that even if you've got the grammatical sense of Snooki, you too have noticed a glitch in the Matrix on a given Sunday or two. There you are, in a moment of intense worship and reflection, singing along in the aisle of your mega church, holding your chai, reading the lyrics on the big screens line-by-line for comfort and security (because do you REALLY need to be reminded that the phrase is "you are holy" when you've just sung it for the eight-thousandth time?), and then all of a sudden WHAM. WHAM! Somebody spelled it "Jesus Chris." You've just been punk'd by spelling. And I don't mean Tori.

This actually happened at my church a while back. Jesus apparently had two first names, like Kevin James.

And the really awful thing was that the phrase "Jesus Christ" was repeated over and over again like a mantra, except on the screens it was "Jesus Chris," "Jesus Chris," which after a while began to sound like all of us were angry with a man named Chris.

It wouldn't have been so terrible except that the mistake wasn't corrected until the third service.

I'm sure you've been there, too. You've experienced the horror of getting mugged in a grammatical alley when all you were trying to do was to connect with God at church. You probably tried to downplay it later with your friends at Wendy's, like, "Yea, heh, did you catch that 'your' in 'You Are Holy'? I mean, puhleese! Heh." Painful crickets dying slowly. "So…wanna talk about my aunt's fungal infection?"

But let's step back for a moment. I want to give worship service producers the benefit of the doubt. I'll bet they got those Power Point slides from their 20-something worship pastor who typed them in a hurry the night before while in an intense spiritual reverie.

Plus, shouldn't we be more interested in the MEANING of the words and not get hung up on adorable little aberrations?

A few points:

1. What Would Jesus Proof?

I'm pretty sure Jesus wouldn't fashion a whip of cords to drive the sloppy Power Point producer out of the service for demeaning his Father's house. He has bigger concerns. Like the salvation of all mankind. But I'm sure he wouldn't be opposed to the correct spelling of "Ebenezer" at Christmastime either, as in "here I raise my Ebenezer," a phrase that has nothing to do, incidentally, with tiny people named Tim. (This just confuses the yule out of me — another holiday word I don't understand, and because I don't understand it will use as a stand-in for swear words when convenient.) But yea. Back to that salvation of all mankind thing.

2. Mr. Essene Monk, I Presume?

The Essenes were guys who transcribed the Scriptures meticulously in caves, and who would burn an entire scroll if they found even one letter off on any given page. A whole scroll. That they had just spent 84 hours penning with a jagged ostrich feather. Let that sink in for a moment. If the Essenes had been in charge of Power Point at your church, the whole building would have been burned to the ground long ago. Multiple, multiple times. I have only one thing to say about this: we Christians used to have standards.

So, what's the appropriate level of outrage? An important question, a question we love to ask because we evangelicals love us some outrage.

My answer is, I DONT KNOW. Wait, I DON'T no. Wait, I dunno.

Their. Reed it and weap.

What are some crazy screen typos you've seen in your worship service lately?

(For more great stuff from Julia, check out her blog, Wet Behind the Ears. 

My head becomes a delicious cake.

A few weeks ago, Jeremy Nelson, a Sociology teacher at Park Christian School in Moorhead, MN sent me an email. To celebrate the 1,000th post on Stuff Christians Like, his class of students studying the sociology of religion threw an SCL 1,000 party. I thought it was hilarious and awesome and was honored that anything I ever wrote was turned into a cake. But then my new book came out and I failed to share the photo of the event with you. Here it is: