Jon Acuff's Blog, page 129

An acceptance speech about acceptance.

Let it be known that I initially tried to post this video a long time ago before less than 50,000 people had seen it.

Let is also be known that apparently I gain some sort of ego boost by posting videos that have a low number of views. (Probably need to unpack that one with a counselor.)

Recently, NBA rebounding legend Dennis Rodman was inducted into the hall of fame. What happened when he took the stage ended up being a shockingly honest 13 minutes about brokenness, fathers who leave, hope and regret. Here's his acceptance speech about acceptance.

 

The "Church bathing suit."

(It's Guest Post Friday! Today's post is from Chloe Semones.  Chloe, newly graduated and newly in debt, is hopeful of great things while wandering through the desert of unemployment; an enjoyer of most things typical of twenty somethings, while always debating she is not; raised in the church, which allowed many years of observation on habitual and bizarre things we followers of Jesus do. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here's how.)

The "Church bathing suit" By Chloe Semones

Phew, thank goodness bathing suit season is coming to a close. Why?

Because the summer is the time of year where every youth and college related gathering is at the judge's stand, the pool. Many different churches and denominations have a particular view when it comes to the bathing suit standard. For women this can be the testing of one's reputation, God forbid you are the only one wearing the two piece!

I found myself changing before my first weekly college gathering at the pool and thought, "I didn't get the warning that this is a one piece only kind of group, what if I am the only one in a two piece?" I walked out luckily clothed, bathing suit under, and assessed my peers. "Oh geez, I am the only one."

It happened to be an abnormally humid day and all I wanted was a refreshing dip in the pool. Nope, I was the only one. I spent what could have been a potentially thrilling experience with my legs over the side and shirt on. I was that girl. When this sort of incidence occurs it often leaves you feeling like the young adults modern day Rahab. It is always a gamble going to a pool party with a new crowd, best advice: go with the one piece.

There are indicators however that can save you from a terribly humiliating experience.

First off, survey the male female interaction. This is a simple gauging exercise that will most accurately determine the standard. If the group closely resembles an elementary school lunch table with boys on one side and girls on the other, this is most definitely a one piece wearin' crowd.

The correlation?

My guess is the gentlemen are far too concerned with water basketball while simultaneously dunking anyone in their radius, to carry on any sort of conversation with the opposite sex.

Another clue that may be related to what the masses are wearing is the pool party's music mix. I will say this particular test is a bit iffy, as it was in my case. Generally speaking though, if there is secular music on the line up, chances are the two piece is socially acceptable.  From my experience these have been the two patterns I have noticed.

Granted, tankini wearers (this is the modest version of a bikini) are trying to push the boundaries, not committing to a full blown one piece. Not only does this mean they most likely own a bikini, but to be absolutely certain take notice of the patterns and colors. If the suit is mix matched, you know the bottom portion of the suit was taken from their bikini. I can say that with certainty because I am guilty of this one.

I'm learning that my peers all have the "church" bathing suit and the separate recreational suit, funny how that goes. I believe Christians often designate different areas of their life as church appropriate vs. out in the world appropriate, we are always looking to compartmentalize.

From my perspective, other than the "swimmer's snowsuit," something I just invented, no women's bathing suit is particularly modest. So, I have never formed an opinion on which I will stand behind and rally for. Honestly, I just want to swim and not think to hard about it, which I have already proven to have done. Sometimes it's hard not to over analyze the insignificant.

There you have it folks everything you didn't care to know about when it comes to bathing suits and the church.

Question:

Am I the only one that has ever thought about "church bathing suits?"

 

(Today's post is from Chloe Semones.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here's how.)

Earthquake sermon illustrations.

Last weekend I attended my first ever "Women of Faith" event. It was awesome. Now I know what you're thinking, "Wait Jon, you're not a woman."

I know, I thought about that too, but I still found it a lot of fun. I got a ton out of it and really only had one awkward moment. What was it?

The dancing.

Unbeknownst to me, during the praise and worship sessions, lots of people were dancing in their seats. Don't believe me? Here's what I tweeted as I stood in the aisle, trying to figure out what I, as one of 4 guys in an arena full of 10,000 women, was supposed to do:

"No one told me there'd be dancing at Women of Faith. Wasn't planning on doing any pop n' lock tonight, but sometimes the gift chooses you."

I tweeted that because it's true, sometimes you don't pick the gift, the gift picks you. You don't choose the moment, the moment chooses you. Pop n' Lock is like that. And sometimes so are blog topics.

At the start of the week, I had no intention of writing about Earthquake sermon illustrations and yet … here we are. Thrust into the topic by the Spotsylvania Fault. (Totally googled how to spell that.)

More importantly, some earthquake sermons illustrations are about to hit your church this Sunday. Here are four you can expect.

Earthquake sermon illustrations

1. Pop Culture Potpourri

Two words, "Kardashian wedding." Want to score a 10 on the relevance richter scale? Blame the whole thing on Kim Kardashian getting married. I'm not sure how you can tie them together, but I do know she recently lost an earring worth $75,000 in the ocean. I'd start there. Might have landed in an underwater volcano. Something to think about.

2. The End Times.

The earthquake was close to Washington D.C., the heart of American politics. Boom! That one practically writes itself. It's been a while since we had a good end of the world scare and nothing gets your sermon going like the shifting of some tectonic plates under America's capital.

3. The Narrow World View

Perfect chance to shame the entire sanctuary and say something like, "While you were worrying about the Kardashian wedding and that tiny little East Coast earthquake, 42 other real earthquakes were happening around the world. You have such a narrow world view." I'm not going to lie to you, this one will not be fun to deliver, but it's got some punch.

4. The West Coast.

Know want pastors on the West Coast are going to preach about on Sunday? Grace. Why? Get out of here with that little tremor you're calling an East Coast earthquake. 5.8? That's adorable. You know what we call that on the West Coast? Tuesday. Get over it.

Sometimes I wonder if I should charge money for this type of wisdom. Would you use the word "wisdom" or "resources?" Both? That's kind of you. Really it is. But it's the least I can do, given the hurricane of earthquake sermon illustrations we're all about to face. (See what I did there? Double natural disaster references. We call that a win-win.)

Question:

Do you think your pastor will reference the earthquake this Sunday?

 

The perfect formula for God.

God keeps refusing to fit into my formulas for him.

Just when I think I've got him figured out, he throws a curveball.

For years, I've secretly believed that if I do my quiet times the "right way," God will be happy with me and bless me and not smite me.

What's the right way? What's the recipe for a quiet time that "counts." I'll tell you:

30 minutes of prayer

Smidge of writing in a moleskine notebook

At least three pages of Bible reading

Debate all you want about the moleskine, but I'm pretty sure the book of Joel specifically mentions those notebooks are extra holy.

I used to set my timer on my iPhone to 30 minutes, sit down and then try to get my quiet time on. If for whatever reason I could only grab 15 minutes that day, I felt like God was 50% less happy with me. If I missed an entire day, I imagined he was picking out the right lightning bolt to get me with like a golfer picking a club.

My formula was:

"10 minutes of prayer + 10 minutes of writing + 10 minutes of Bible reading = Happy God."

That sounds so silly when you write it out. That God's heart is controlled by how I spend my morning is ridiculous, but I honestly thought that. That was my formula and for years I held on to it.

But the more you actually read the Bible, the more difficult it is to hold onto formulas about God. Especially when it comes to the thief on the cross.

Remember that guy? You should. Every time you mutate James' "faith without works is dead" into "works equals salvation," you should think about the thief on the cross.

He makes a brief, but spectacular, cameo in Luke 23. As Christ hangs on the cross, the two thieves next to him have a conversation:

One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: "Aren't you the Christ? Save yourself and us!"

The first criminal tried to use a formula on Christ. Here's what he was saying:

"The power of God + Threat of a brutal death = Get down off the cross."

I understand what he was saying. Why would you suffer the worst possible death if you had the power not to? That is so illogical.

The second thief responds to the first:

But the other criminal rebuked him. "Don't you fear God," he said, "since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong."

He uses a formula too:

"Criminal deeds + justice = death on a cross."

They were getting what they deserved. The formula for that one was easy. He continues speaking:

"We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong." Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom."

That's his second formula. He's saying:

"The innocence of Christ + justice = freedom from the cross."

By all forms of earthly logic, it made no sense for Christ to be on that cross. We are criminals. We are exactly where we should be. This man hanging next to us, is not.

What does Christ say in that moment? When formulas are flying? When formulas are ruling the conversation? When formulas are loud? He breaks them all.

Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise."

Jesus Christ is the formula killer. He won't behave according to our formulas. He won't fit into our incredibly tiny expectations. He refuses to be controlled by our logic.

How do we know? Because the thief didn't get off the cross in order to pay for his grace. The thief didn't climb down and have the right types of quiet time. He didn't volunteer for 14 activities at his church that year. He didn't join a small group.

All he did was bump into Christ and receive grace.

At some point, a voice of doubt, the voice of the enemy, the voice of fear is going to try to tell you that you're not a good enough Christian. That there's a formula to God. That if you'd just try harder to be perfect and quit messing up, maybe, just maybe you'll be good enough.

But when you hear that voice, think of the thief, think of Christ, and think of grace.

Question:

Have you ever thought you're not a "good enough" Christian?

Quitter is available for the iPad!

After a three month epic battle, my new book Quitter is now available for the iPad.

Click here to get it in the iBooks store.

If you're a Kindle kind of person, you can get it on the Kindle. Or the Nook.

And as always, it's available in a beautiful paper edition as well.

Order it on DaveRamsey.com or pick up a copy on Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Thanks for your patience. I promise I don't hate iPad users.

(If you're a new reader and think that I may have written a book about breaking a Nutella dependency, here is the book trailer for a little background info)

 

SCLQ – What is today?

Today is new.

Not better.

Not improved.

Not different.

New.

God is not in the business of self improvement.

He's in the business of new.

The old has gone, the new has come.

That's who you are today in Christ.

New.

SCLQ – Angie Smith

The Acuffs are huge fans of the Smith family. Not all Smiths, it's a pretty common name so I am sure there are some jerk Smiths out there. I'm talking specifically about Todd and Angie Smith. Todd is in the popular group Selah (whose new album comes out tomorrow!). Angie is a blogger, speaker and author. They live in our neighborhood. We went to the Women of Faith event with them last weekend (10,000 people gave Angie a standing ovation cause she's an incredibly talented speaker) and sometimes we bring our kids to the pool with Carlos Whittaker's family forming a super team of 9 kids we like to call the "SmacWhits."

Angie has a new book called "What Women Fear" that is going to explode. My wife got an early copy and it's amazing. It comes out September 1 but today on Barnes & Noble you can pre-order it for 50% off. You will love this book and can pre-order right here. Like the Listener video last week and other books/bands/sites/awesomeness to come, I can't wait to share more fun stuff via SCLQ.

Sitting at church near someone who can sing.

Have you ever sat near someone at church who could sing? In the middle of worship you hear an angelic voice floating up not from the stage but from your row radius or pew proximity? Oh, sweet Moses, that is a majestic experience.

And now that I live in Nashville, a city comprised of 51% musicians and 49% professional photographers, that is happening a lot more often. But when it does, here is what goes through my head:

 1. Hark, what is that sound I hear?

2. Why did I use the word "Hark," in my head? How come my internal dialog is always in Old English?

3. I'm glad I didn't say "OE," because then I probably would have thought about pouring out a little for my homies that didn't make it.

4. I want to turn around and see where this amazing singer is sitting, but I'm afraid that if I look at them it will break the moment. They probably won't fly away like the blue jays that sit out on our bird feeder when I try to take a photo, but be cool Acuff, don't blow this.

5. That voice is amazing! Why aren't they in the choir?

6. Oh yeah, we don't have a choir. Which I'm fine with, but would it kill us to do the singing Christmas Tree thing just once? Is there anything better than a human tree of robes and hymns?

7. OK, so no go on the choir, but why isn't this person singing backup on stage with the worship team?

8. Maybe they're a lone wolf, a one person wolfpack if you will. They can't be tied down to a schedule, but just sing wherever the wind takes them. Like that girl from the Patrick Swayze song.

9. I wonder if I can sit near them next week? Would that be awkward if after church I tried to guess who it was and said, "Hey, you've got a really beautiful voice. Can my wife and I sit near you next Sunday? Where are you planning to sit? We're not crazy or anything. I promise!

10. Ahh, "We're not crazy," is exactly what crazy people always say.

11. Hark! Am I crazy?

12. And what if I guess the wrong person? Would it be weird if when I talk to them in the lobby, I ask them to sing a few bars of "Amazing Grace" for me? Probably.

13. If they do sing for me and I realize it's not them, what do I say? "Oh whoops, wasn't you. Never mind. Thanks for singing for me though. Bit pitchy for me dog."

14. Will I have to tell the a polite lie like, "Let's grab coffee sometime?"

15. This is all getting pretty complicated, What Would Jesus Do?

16. Was there a time when the disciples sang songs? Was that in the Bible? Maybe Peter was the deep bass guy that every men's group has, like Danny Wood, "the muscular guy" in New Kids on The Block. Maybe that's why they call Peter the Rock?

17. How long is this song we're singing? Seventeen points? Seriously.

Eventually, during moments like that, my wife will elbow me and say, "Stop writing posts in your head." Then I'll say, "I was worshipping in the unique way God made me." And then it becomes this whole thing.

Now clearly, all 17 points haven't happened to you cause I'm weird, but have you ever sat next to someone at church who had an amazing voice?

What are you praying about?

Today's short Saturday question is simple. What are you praying about?

What's something kicking around in your head or heart right now?

I try to do this post once a season. Why? Because this site is read in 97% of the countries in the world and the readers of SCL have a steady stream of prayer needs and a huge willingness to pray for each other.

So what is something you'd love some prayer about today?

Hymn Request Night

(It's Guest Post Friday! Today's post is from Laura Coulter, recent graduate of Taylor University,  writer, struggling entertainment junkie, and a big fan of laughter.  Follow Laura at her blog knownrenowned.tumblr.com or on twitter @kentuckygirl729.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here's how.)

 

"Hymn Request Night " by Laura Coulter

 

I don't know how many other churches still have these, but my home church still has hymn request nights about once a quarter (I think there must be a rule somewhere that you have to have at least one hymn request night for every two times you have communion). My church has a "blended" style of worship, so we sing hymns often enough, but not so much that hymn request night isn't a big hit with the more traditional members of the congregation. Personally, I enjoy it. And even though it sounds like it might be a little stuffy, it's actually one of the most informal services we have (a random outburst would never fly on a Sunday morning unless it's an "Amen"—that's why it's always hymn request night). And throughout my years of church-going, I've noticed a few specific types of people who rear their voices on hymn request nights.

1. The guys who always choose the same hymns.

I say guys, plural, because at my church there is definitely a group of them (maybe it's a secret society). And it seems like they're always middle-aged men who sit in the middle to the back of the sanctuary (yep, there's definitely a conspiracy there). They have booming voices, and they will use them assertively. In fact, a crafty person with a booming voice will often butt in with his request as soon as the final verse of the song beforehand is over. If the music minister actually gets time to ask for another request, he will likely be met with a bombardment of booming voices all at the same time. Then he has to choose one booming voice to call on (if he's clever, he'll pretend like, in the confusion, he heard his favorite hymn and sing that).

The loud assertiveness of the booming voices are why we always end up singing "In The Garden,"  "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus," and "The Nail-Scarred Hand" (to mention a few) on every hymn request night at my church. These are all amazing songs, but so are the other 603 hymns in the hymnal. What the booming voice guy doesn't realize is that anyone who has been a Sunday night service-goer for more than two years knows exactly which hymn he's going to choose.

2. The person who can't decide which hymn to request.

This is always my biggest problem. There are so many hymns that I love that we don't sing very often, and I can never choose which one to pipe up and request. And by the time I do figure out which one I want to request (usually by taking a poll of the people sitting near me), the request time has been filled up with the favorite hymns of booming voices and the pastor is heading up to the pulpit to preach.

If you are indecisive like me, there is a two-step plan to still get your hymn sung every once in a while. Step 1: Make pre-service arrangements with the music minister that he will call on you. Don't be afraid to use bribery (in the form of the latest Hillsong album). Step 2: Request such good hymns every time that everyone nods their heads in approval when he asks if you have a request before the booming voices have a chance to boom ("That young lady always chooses such beautiful hymns").

3. The teenagers who don't mind hymns, but can't get over the silliness of hymn request night.

Most of them have grown up in church, so they enjoy (endure) the hymns and cherish (begrudgingly understand) their value. That doesn't stop the guys from singing the bass parts loudly (obnoxiously) in the girls' ears and the girls from giggling at the guys and not being able to stop. It also doesn't stop them from threatening the music minister that they're going to request Christmas carols or the responsive readings from the back of the hymnal.

Confession: Though I'm no longer a teenager, I may or may not have instigated the Christmas carol threats at our most recent hymn request night.

Question: Have you ever experienced a Hymn Request Night?

(For more great stuff from Laura, check out her blog or follow her on twitter.)