Jon Acuff's Blog, page 127

"It sucks." (My favorite review of Quitter.)

Last night, my wife saw a review of my book Quitter on Amazon. Upon reading it, she immediately said, "You need to post this."

I read it. She was right.

I don't know the girl who wrote it, but if I ever have the chance to meet her, I will thank her tremendously for her honesty. What inspired her to say, "It sucks?" I'll let her tell you in her own words:

I feel like a jerk telling you to read this book. I loved reading it but hated the implications. Jon Acuff cuts right through all the crappy excuses that we put between us and our dreams. This book haunts me a month after I finished it. I can't fritter away time on the internet anymore with a clear conscience. I wake up earlier so I can take time to write and focus my thoughts for the day. I find myself trying harder and doing more work at work. It sucks. I miss my life as a slacker.

Acuff writes from his own experiences not in a show off way but in a clever way that gives him credibility. I laughed and cried a little, but in a cool way, not an overly emotional wreck kind of way. Acuff is ridiculously likable which is probably best for him because if I didn't like him, I might try to kick him in the shins for suggesting that a work ethic in your current job will help you prepare for your future dream job.

If you're taking time to read this review, you obviously have time to read something more substantial like a book. Go ahead and buy Quitter. Read it yourself. Give it to your whiny friends who can't figure out why they're not living their dreams. Call your brother or sister and read it to them over the phone. Give it to your kid in the basement who thinks it's normal to live with parents 10 years after graduating from college. You could also do what I did and give this book away with a break up note to your boyfriend, gently implying the relationship is doomed because he won't put away the X Box and become a grownup. So yeah, buy Quitter once, buy it twice, buy an entire case of books. I know you know people who should read it. My guess is you might be one of them, too.

Christianizing Reality TV Shows

(It's guest post Friday, and Some Guy is back with another great post!  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here's how.)

Christianizing Reality TV Shows by Some Guy

The idea that inspired Jon to start SCL was that Christians like making Christian versions of secular things.  We have done great in music and are making progress in the film industry, but we have been neglecting television.

I know we have some television stations and channels that carry preaching, dramas, or discussion panels.  Those are fine and all, but that's not keeping up with what's popular in the world right now: reality TV.

Reality shows are here to stay, it seems.  Rather than fighting the trend, Christians must embrace it. Here are 5 shows I think we could give the ole' Christian remix:

1. American One True God

No idolatry in this singing competition.  This show is moderated by three judge-nots, who offer only encouragement.  The pool of contestants is narrowed each week by separating them into sheep and goat categories.

2. I'm in It to Win It

This reality show pits a contestant against the clock.  Each challenge must be completed within 60 seconds, with the challenges becoming progressively harder.

The challenges include:

* Cup Stack: build a pyramid using 36 communion cups.  The cups are full, and any spill disqualifies you.

* Tithe Drop: you must drop tithe envelopes from a 6-foot ladder and get them to land in an offering plate

* Pencil Basketball: you must toss pew pencils so that they go through the communion cup holders two pews in front of you.

3. The Amazing Grace

Couples compete against other couples to reach the destination, while deciphering hints as to what that destination is.  Contestants receive time penalties for every harsh word, unkind deed, or insult.

4. Heaven's Kitchen

The friendly chef who runs this show is encouraging to each contestant, offering helpful advice on food preparation and presentation.  All the food is delicious, and there are no losers.

5. America's Got Talents

Contestants get 1 talent, then 5 talents, then 10 talents to invest.  They are free to invest them however they want, but when the show's host returns (at random intervals, to surprise the contestants) he will see who has made the most money.  The top two places keep their earnings, and they each get a "well done, thou good and faithful servant" trophy.

Question:

What reality show would you "Christianize?"

(Some Guy is an engineer from Michigan.  Check out his blog here!)

 

SCLQ – Improbable Philanthropy

I first met Al Andrews when I was in kindergarten. He went to college with my dad and so I grew up knowing him as a hilarious family friend. Then, last year when we moved to Franklin, TN I met him again. He runs a non-profit counseling center called "Porter's Call" for musicians and their families because Nashville tends to chew those people up. He and I meet every two or three weeks right now to talk about art and life and how you can get successful without wrecking both.

Recently he launched something called "Improbable Philanthropy." Basically Al decided he wanted to be a philanthropist and give away a ton of money. Then he realized that required having a ton of money, which he doesn't have. So, after learning Eric Carle sold 29 million copies of the Hungry Caterpillar, he came up with a 6-step plan:

1. Write a children's book.

2. Find an illustrator.

3. Self publish.

4. Get on Ellen and other talk shows.

5. Sell a truckload of books.

6. Become a philanthropist.

And he's actually doing it! "The Boy, The Kite & The Wind" released last week and it is beautiful. The funny thing is that people keep asking Al, "What's your angle?" But there's not one. He's giving 100% of the net profits away. He's using the money to give scholarships to Ugandan school children and build child survival centers in India and a lot of other cool things.

I bought 11 copies of the book. I've never bought that many copies of a book. Why did I do it? Because I love what Al is doing and I love when people find creative ways to change the world.

You can buy a book right here.

 

 

SCLQ – Can you Spotify friends?

Last week my friend's band, Selah, released a new album. The morning it released, I told my wife, "I'm going to get Todd's new album. I mean really get it. I'm going to buy it on iTunes, not just Spotify it."

What's Spotify? It's hard to describe, but its basically a music subscription service that, for $9.99, allows you to listen to virtually every song ever made. And you can put them on your computer and your iPhone and listen to them when you're offline. And it's legal. And I'm almost positive I'd be stealing from my friend Todd.

You can't Spotify friends, right? Or Rdio them. Or bootleg them. Right?

Can we get some sort of ruling on that? Is that covered in the Bible anywhere? When Elisha and Elijah released their album "!Double E!" did they get into a scrap with Ahab and Jezebel over distribution rights?

Anyone?

Can you Spotify friends?

Redeeming culture.

Note to self:

If you write a tweet about Lil' Wayne and that tweet gets retweeted so many times that it ends up on the homepage of Twitter, Lil' Wayne fans will do virtual drive by's on you.

Lesson learned.

I had Lil' Wayne on my mind because recently, I wrote about "Things I shouldn't even know exist." I included a list of pop culture items I enjoy, but probably shouldn't be spending a whole lot of time/head space with. Things like the show "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," or Lil' Wayne's music.

Do you know what my favorite type of response to that post was?

"How else are we supposed to redeem culture?"

The idea is that, as Christians, we're called to redeem culture and renew it and reclaim it and "re" it somehow. And I think that's a beautiful idea and that there are certainly individuals and groups that are doing that in some amazing ways. But the idea of "redeeming culture" can also be a fantastical excuse to justify your actions.

At some point, I have to stop saying, "I'm watching 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia' so that I can redeem culture or be relevant to this generation," and start saying, "I'm watching it because it's funny."

Let's be honest: How's my personal campaign to redeem culture by watching a television show in my living room going? Can you feel the groundswell that is emanating from my couch, just a movement that will forever redeem culture? Yeah, me neither.

And unless I'm yelling Bible verses toward the stage while I'm at a Lil' Wayne concert, I'm not sure I'm redeeming that experience. Maybe when he gets back to the green room at the end of the show, Lil' Wayne says to his crew, "Did you get the sense that there was a Christian in the crowd, redeeming the concert, cause I definitely picked up on that vibe." Maybe that's happening, but I have my doubts.

So how do we redeem culture? I don't know, but I do know 3 things:

1. You're not redeeming the show "True Blood" from your living room. Stop saying that. That is a ridiculous excuse for both you and I.

2. This subject is fraught with judgmental landmines.

3. Maybe it's not just about renewing. Maybe it's also about reaching.

Did you ever see the video where renowned Atheist Penn (of Penn & Teller) is given a Bible? To me, it's one of the best examples of someone reaching out to pop culture. And it was surprisingly simple. Here it is:

Question:

How do we as Christians redeem culture?

SCLQ – The friend who wants to fight about theology on Twitter.

Stop.

It's enough.

Before Twitter existed, did you ever go to a Chinese restaurant, take out the tiny slips of paper from the fortune cookies and use them to write down your thoughts on Premillennial Dispensationalism or Arminianism?

Of course not. That would have been ridiculous.

So is arguing detailed points of theology on a 140-character medium instead of face to face.

We need to discuss theology, we need to dialog about it, but when it comes to Twitter, don't be surprised when small arguments on a small medium lead to a big waste of time.

Happy Labor Day.

I hope you've got the day off and are on a pontoon boat right now. Unless you live in a state where those are illegal. Like shooting off homemade fireworks and owning jungle cats and other things you probably shouldn't do on Labor Day. Or any other day for that matter. Why are we always so surprised when a pet lion attacks somebody? That's what lions do. Eventually.

But let's not talk about lions, let's talk about Labor Day. And tomorrow, let's resume with talking about Stuff Christians Like.

What should we talk about this fall on SCL?

Back to school season is here! Listen to those Trapper Keepers, count those glue sticks, smell those cafeteria hot dogs.

So, what should we talk about this fall on SCL?

We used to ask that question before season changes. We'd talk about summer camp or what ideas needed to be discussed at Christmas. It was a chance to collectively throw together a whole lot of random ideas that deserved to be memorialized on the site.

For instance, one time someone commented, "You should write about how we like to dump our boyfriends or girlfriends after coming home from a church retreat in college." Brilliant idea, so I did.

Another person suggested, "You should write about the dude at camp that always has his acoustic guitar with him." Awesome idea, so I did.

What are some school memories you'd like to see on SCL?

Did you go to a Christian college? Are you going to one right now?

Maybe you're homeschooling for the first time or feeling like you're the only parent at your church who isn't.

Whether you're a student or a parent, the floor is yours.

What should we talk about this fall on SCL?

Top Posts for August 2011

Here are a few things you might have missed from Stuff Christians Like and JonAcuff.com in August.

Stuff Christians Like

Things I shouldn't know exist
Who is our Kanye & Jay-Z?
The man hat
Sitting at church near someone who can sing
Taking God seriously

JonAcuff.com

Stop saying polite lies
When should you let your kids use Facebook?
The secret about blog posts
1 easy way to get better at public speaking
1 sentence that proves you're a leader

What were some of your favorite posts from August?

The Inspirational Offering-taker Guy

(John Crist is a longtime guest contributor to SCL.  He is a brilliant writer and standup comedian from Denver, Colorado.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here's how.)

The Inspirational Offering-taker Guy by John Crist

Dear Church Staff,

Hi! Pastor Chuck here.

First, let's talk about how everyone calls me Pastor Chuck. In no other professional environment would this be acceptable to call someone by a prefix and then their first name. Makes no sense! From now on it's Pastor Bergland, Chuck, or the Great Bergambino (on the softball field only, please).

Second, I know its Friday and everyone is out of the office. Again, in no other professional environment would it be acceptable to show up to the office for two hours with your family on a Sunday morning and call it a days' work. Just me? Ok, moving on.

Third, the reason for my email. We all know there are only two stage-responsible people on staff here, the worship leader and me. Since we're already on stage too much, we need a qualified inspirational offering-taker guy. If you're qualified, please respond in the comments section below.

Available Position: Inspirational Offering-taker Guy

Job Description:

Receive the head nod from the worship leader then walk up onto the stage (make sure the microphone is turned on!) and say some inspirational stuff about how everyone should give us money. Then introduce the special song and exit the stage.

QUALIFICATIONS:

Must include a joke every week:

Once I told the congregation to "make it rain" in the offering bucket…they were confused. But last week I said, "Just so you know, millions is spelled M-I-L-L-I-O-N-S"…it killed!

Must reference current events:

This is hard when nothing is happening. Say something about a natural disaster; I'm sure that happened somewhere. If all else fails just say something like, "I'm sure you've all heard the news about the economy." …That always works.

Must reference the fact that you're better than everyone in the congregation:

Say something like, "I was jogging at 4am this morning and God spoke to me…" or "I received a word from the Lord yesterday while I was rescuing stray puppies…" Or, if you cant come up with anything, just hold a really worn out Bible with duct tape on it. That should do the trick.

Must include a scripture reference the congregation has never heard of:

Or better yet, a book of the Bible they didn't even know existed. Nahum or Titus usually work well for me.

Must get everyone to cheer/clap for something:

"Give God a shout of praise!" "Let's thank the greet team for their hard work." "Let's give it up to The NFL for solving labor negotiations. Go Broncos!" It's really up to you…

CANDIDATES:

A young pastor needing extra stage time:

Trust me, all young pastors need stage time. Leading a Bible study is not gonna cut it if you want to be a senior pastor some day.

A church employee:

Because who better to convince people to give money to the church than someone who gets paid by the church? Right? Right?

A representative from one of the struggling ministries at the church:

Don't we have like a military support ministry or a single moms ministry or something? What about someone from the men's ministry? Representatives from the biker ministry need not apply, that could be a liability.

COMPENSATION:

I'm thinking about hiring a full-time inspirational offering-taker guy and paying him 100% commission. He'll receive 10% based on how much he inspires giving over the annual budget. Still praying about this…

Question: Is the Inspirational Offering-taker Guy at your church doing a good job? If not, are you qualified?

Also, can we figure out this guy's title please? Inspirational Offering-taker Guy? The Feature Act? The Guy Who Talks While I'm Checking my Cell Phone?

(John Crist is a standup comedian from Colorado and not the offering guy at his church. Last time he was asked to do it, he said, "You know, this week I was reading in, um…John 3:16 and…um…" He was never asked back. Visit his YouTube Page.)