Trying to figure out if a business is "Christian."

I don't know about you, but I've tried to squeeze out the last drops of summer these last few weeks. Although fall is by far my favorite season, there's a part of me that is hesitant to admit summer is coming to a close.

So we ate lots of popsicles.

We stayed up late, as if Tuesday is just a Tuesday and not a "school night."

And we went to the neighborhood pool as often as we could before it closed on Labor Day.

That's why, for two weeks, I rode my bike to the pool with my two daughters.

L.E. (my 8 year old) rode her own bike. And McRae rode on the tagalong. A tagalong is a single wheel that attaches to the back of an adult bike. McRae loves riding it, but she was too tired to ride it home after the pool. So she rode with my wife in the car, and I pedaled home by myself, with no one on the tagalong, which made me look like the worst dad in the world.

Did my kid fall off and I didn't notice? Am I just some creepy guy who rides around the neighborhood with an extra seat attached to his bike? Have I stolen the bike from another father who rode it to the pool with his kid? I don't come out looking great in any of those options. And when I tried to tweet about it, that didn't work out so well either. Here's what I tweeted:

"Rode bike back home from pool. My 5yo is getting a ride in car. I had a tagalog & no kid. Looked like most forgetful dad ever"

Instead of "Tagalong," I wrote, "Tagalog," which is the national language of the Philippines. Immediately people started tweeting me and saying, "Were you riding around the neighborhood with the official language of the Philipines or an actual Filipino?"

It was all very confusing and shouldn't have happened, especially since I just spent some significant time around "tagalongs."

About a month ago our family rented bikes to ride down the Virginia Creeper Trail, a converted railroad path that covers 17 miles. We rented our bikes and two tagalongs from a great place that happened to be a Christian business. How did I know they were a Christian business?

Here's their sign:

 

Easy to tell right?

Do you see how I was able to scrappy doo that one? But how do you know if the business you're dealing with is a Christian business? What are the tell tale signs? Allow me to enlighten you:

Signs you're dealing with a Christian business:

1. There are clues in their logo.

Look for a fish or a cross or a globe sitting on top of an open Bible or a dove or any other myriad of "We're down with the king" symbols.

2. They don't say "business is booming," they say, "We've been really blessed."

3. They ask you where you go to church.

Growing up in New England, if someone asked me where I went to church, it was customary for me to then leg sweep them a la the Cobra Kai. In the south, and particularly inside a Christian business, people will ask you that question.

4. There is a story behind their name.

One of my absolute favorite places in Franklin, TN is a smoothie place called "9 Fruits." If you ask them what the story is behind their name, they'll tell you. Most Christian businesses have a back story to their name.

5. They don't have mints on the counter.

They have Testamints, which is a dead giveaway. (And come on Testamints, quit hating on my slogan, "Testamints: Sending bad breath to hell.")

And when I find out you're a Christian business, here are a few of my expectations.

1. It better be the best service I have ever received.

Back in the day, if someone told me, "That's a Christian business," my first thought was, "So it's going to be a bad experience that somehow gets justified by the fall of Adam and we all need grace and forgiveness? Great." Now though, there are some amazing businesses that recognize that if you throw God's name into the mix, you better bring it.

2. It better not be a sales technique.

Putting a Jesus fish on your business card doesn't make you a Christian business. It makes you a guy that put a Jesus fish of your business card. Hopefully you're not using a faith logo just to bring in new business. (I have to assume this is an issue primarily in the south.)

3. I'm going to want to let you know I'm a Christian too.

When we rented our bikes from that store, I really felt compelled to tell them I was a Christian too. When he was saying, "OK, make sure that the tagalong is properly hooked on to the back of your bike so that it doesn't slip while you're on the trail," I wanted to say, "You know what will never slip? Jesus' love for me, which I got. P.S. I'm a Christian too!"

Hopefully, these two lists will make it easy for you to both spot and interact with a Christian business. But maybe this is strictly a southern thing and maybe you're in Portland, Oregon right now thinking, "There's no such thing as a Christian business. Christian is a noun not an adjective. This is the stupidest post ever, I'm going to go listen to the Fleet Foxes." Hard to say, really.

Question:

Have you ever seen a "Christian business?"