Jon Acuff's Blog, page 107

How to tell if you’re dating a preacher

(It’s guest post Friday!  Here’s a post from Cory Copeland who blogs at MadtoLove.com. You can follow him on Twitter @Cory_Copeland.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

How to Tell if You’re Dating a Preacher

There is but one mighty trophy that exists in the brutal competition known as the Christian dating world—that of the young preacher as husband/wife. Wishes have been made, secret séances have been conducted, and felonies have been committed, all in the name of landing a preacher as a spouse. Of this, I am certain.

But how can you tell when that fine young lad or lass you’re interested in has designs on entering the ministry, or is just a good ol’ Christian soul? The subtle nuances can be daunting. Kinda like when Dr. Quinn had to decide if Sully was right for her or just a good-looking white boy who thought he might be a Native American (actually…it’s not anything like that). With that in mind, I present to you, “Cory Copeland’s Guide on How to Tell if You’re Dating a Preacher”:

1. If they do…take over two minutes to pray for the meal.

Let’s just be honest here: We’re a hungry people, we Christians; we like our food. And when we pray for our food, it’s usually a mumbled mess of hasty thanks, and then we’re quickly digging in to our bountiful blessings. But the preachers? No, no, no. They’ll eloquently bless the crap out of a meal until all those within earshot can no longer hear the prayer over the roar of their own stomach’s growling. There is no debating me here.

2. If they don’t…mind being asked to say a little something to the congregation at a moment’s notice.

Most of us would rather have our toes gnawed off by Gollum than be called up to the platform without any prior notice. However, a preacher-in-training is always ready to share a quick word from the Lord. Their color-coded-according-to-importance highlighted Bible is perpetually open to that one Scripture they’ve had a particularly poignant thought on—even if that same thought has been shared 47 other times before. Preachers are like Henry Rowengartner; they’re always ready to bring the heat.

3. If they do…quote scriptures in response to every day questions.

You ask: “How’ve you been doing?”

They respond: “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, brother”

You’re nodding solemnly right now because you know this happens way too often.

4. If they don’t…spend less than an hour on their hair.

Preachers have to look good, okay? They’re up in front of groups of people for hours at a time, and for this to be acceptable, they usually feel the need to spend at least 90 minutes in front of the mirror while using three bottles of product to get that, “Just got a touch from Jesus” glow. It’s their thing, okay? Back off.

5. If they do…set their Bible in-between you and them while on dates.

Because, even if they are holier than you, you can’t be trusted to keep your hands off them, you hooligan. The Bible softly nestled between you guys while you watch Beauty and the Beast should deter you from having any of those silly notions, like that hussy Belle did.

This simple little guideline should get you started on the right path toward figuring out if you’re truly dating a wanna-be preacher or not. If it doesn’t work, that’s what you get for listening to a guy who religiously watched Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman and cried tears of joy when Sully and the good doctor finally tied the knot (I regret nothing).

What sign would you say might tip you off that you’re dating a preacher?

(If you enjoyed this blog from Cory, check out his blog at  MadtoLove.com.)

SCLQ-What Christian book would you turn into a movie?

Tonight I'm going to see the movie adaptation of Donald Miller's book, Blue Like Jazz. As I mentioned on Twitter, I'm really excited to see it because I've shot that movie so many times in my head. It will be fun to actually see what the real film looks like.

It got me thinking: What other Christian books would make a good movie? Now the easy answer is Stuff Christians Like. I mean, it's already got illustrations in it or "storyboards" if you will. It could be called Booty, God, Booty: A Film About Faith. (I'm just spitballing here, work with me.)

But if you had to pick a Christian book that got turned into a movie, what would you pick?

It could be non-fiction or fiction, serious or Amish Romance. Sky is the limit.

What Christian book would you turn into a movie?

Signature sins.

I took a breakdancing class when I was in the third grade.

In Ipswich, Massachusetts, a beautiful, little New England village, our elementary school offered breakdancing lessons.

Maybe they were swept up in the hype of Breakin' 2, Electric Boogalo, in the same way all your friends took swing dancing when the movie Swingers came out.

I'm not sure. I was in the third grade and not focused on pop culture trends. I was focused on making sure I brought my square of cardboard to each class. That was our version of the yoga mat. Unless you grew up on the mean streets of coastal Massachusetts, I'm not sure you can relate.

My signature breakdancing move was the worm.

Recognizing that I couldn't windmill to save my life, and fearing that if I spun on my head long enough I'd develop some crazy skull callus like wrestlers with cauliflower ear, I focused on the worm.

It worked. My worm was ridiculous. It was the one move I was the best at. And it should have been because it was my signature move.

Now, a bajillion years later, surveying my life, I've started to realize I have "signature sins" too.

A signature sin is something big and bold and neon in your life. The moment you look at it, you know, "Oh yeah, that thing? That's a sin." And so you focus on it. You work on it. You get serious about it.

And I have a handful of those things in my life, things that I struggle with that are pretty easy to identify. But something really dangerous has started to happen lately.

Let's say I mess up. I fail at one of my signature sins. I blow it. The next day, I feel separated from God. I feel far away. I feel like I'm no longer righteous. I committed the signature sin. Time to confess. If I messed up on Friday, then on Saturday I need some grace.

The flipside is that, when I'm not committing those signature sins, I feel holy. I feel connected to God, as if he is happy with me those days. As if, on those days, I am perfect.

Over the last few years, I've defined righteousness as not committing my signature sins.

That is ridiculous. Why?

Because on my greatest days, on the days when I don't commit a single one of my signature sins, on the days I feel "perfect," my own definition of righteousness is a million miles from God's.

Theologian C.H. Spurgeon once said, "It is easier to save us from our sins than from our righteousness."

That quote is starting to make sense to me. It's easy to believe signature sins are bad. That makes sense. But, in working on them, I've swung the pendulum over into self-righteousness.

You see this happen with guys sometimes. You'll ask them "How's your walk with the Lord going?" And they'll answer, "Great! I haven't looked at porn in a week."

That's great that they didn't look at porn, but that's not really an answer to the question. But if you secretly start to cultivate some signature sins, you'll end up in the same place. If gossip is your signature sin and you didn't talk trash today, you were holy. If envy is your signature sin and you didn't covet anything today, you were pure. If lust is your signature sin and you didn't look at any nudity online, you were righteous.

It's not true, though. Your self-righteousness is every bit as disgusting and damaging as your signature sin. It might even be worse, because at the heart of self-righteousness is the belief that you don't need God.

Beware the temptation to make an idol out of your signature sins. Our understanding of grace gets destroyed when we do. The reality is:

On my worst days, when I've broken every signature sin, I am in desperate need of God's grace.

On my best days, when I've avoided every signature sin, I am in desperate need of God's grace.

Question:

I'm not asking you to name it, but have you ever had a "signature sin?"

SCLQ – Would Jesus Wear Plaid?

Last week I posted the cover of Newsweek on Instagram. Here is the image:

I then wrote a B- quality caption, "Haven't read the article yet, but I wish I was in the brain storming meeting where someone said, "I think Jesus would rock plaid.""

Then I kind of forgot about it. Until I saw the comments on the photo. Folks started debating how Jesus was dressed. No one pointed out that he'd probably be in a v-neck, given our penchant for the most Virtuous collar of all time, but not everyone thinks like me. In the midst of some back and forth heated discussion about his attire/appearance, a guy named Wade Rininger said something I thought was brilliant:

"Shouldn't we be discussing the fact that the statement made on the cover is something that Jesus would never stand for, instead of what clothes they chose to paint him in?"

As someone who is prone to squabble over petty things, that was pretty convicting to me.

Do you think we as believers ever get caught up in small discussions and miss the big truths we're supposed to be wrestling with?

Free Quitter T-Shirt!

I've never had a boring day wearing the Quitter t-shirt. When I wear it, one of 3 awesome things happens:

1. People pat me on the back because they believe I've overcome a habit, like "Pet Ferret Over-purchasing."

2. People ask me what it means and I get to have a really interesting conversation about dream chasing.

3. I am 37% people stronger and able to dead lift moderately priced Kias.

Two of those are true. One of them is true-ish.

But what is true is that right now, when you buy a copy of Quitter from DaveRamsey.com we'll give you a FREE Quitter t-shirt!

Why should you take advantage of this awesomeness?

1. The t-shirt is high quality. We're not talking "Bulky-T" where it feels like you're wearing a burlap sleeping bag.

2. The t-shirts are exclusive. You can't buy them at Hot Topic or Spencer's Gifts.

3. We printed an extremely small number.

If you waited to buy Quitter, then congratulations my friend. You're about to enter Soft Cotton Country.

Click here to get your copy of Quitter and the free t-shirt today!

If you'd like to know more about the book, here's the trailer, in which I use my lightning fast hands to make several salient points.

 

 

Rabbit rage.

Remember Easter?

I hope so, it was yesterday.

Smart bloggers probably already wrote about this. Me? I like to wait until the day after, until the topic has kind of gone cold and most of the world has moved on and then say, "Hey, what's the deal with March Madness? Anybody watch any basketball? One Shining Moment!"

Like today's post, which I wasn't planning on doing until my friend Diana sent me a photo of a direct mail card she got in her mailbox from a local church. Here is their invitation to Easter Sunday:

My first thought was, "I hope the kids didn't get the mail that day." My second thought was, "There better not have been a single Cadbury Creme Egg harmed in the making of that advertisement."

But I'm weird. It does beg the question though, "Do we hate rabbits on Easter?"

I don't. I think they've pretty awesome as far as woodland creatures go. Our family even briefly considered owning a Flemish Giant rabbit once. (If you don't know what that is, it's a rabbit from Flemland and it's giant. Seems pretty self explanatory.) We could never pull the trigger because ultimately we decided having a giant rabbit in our backyard would be like having a furry yard gnome you had to feed. And the success rate of Flemish Giants learning how to catch a Frisbee is abysmal.

I do however dislike Easter egg hunts. Not because I think they take the focus away from the real meaning of Easter. But because my daughter got taught a painful lesson about life in the last one we were in and I cheated in the one before that. That's right, I cheated. At the hunt we were at they had hidden a few golden eggs. If your kid got a golden egg they won a huge prize at the end. Kids were pushing and diving for these eggs in a way that made the Hunger Games look tame. I may or may not have stepped on a golden egg and then let my daughter think she found it.

So Easter Egg hunts are bad. Or I am. Probably the latter.

But what's your take?

Did you hate on any rabbits last weekend? Or did you give your kids Easter baskets and eggs and other pastel items?

Claiming Musicians as One of Us

(It's guest post Friday!  Here's one from Paul Angone.  Paul is the host of AllGroanUp.com – a collaborative community for those in between growing and grown.  You can also find Paul on Twitter @PaulAngone.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here's how!)

Claiming Musicians as One of Us

"I heard that the lead singer's dad was a missionary…."

"I think the bass player has "Jesus" tattooed in Hebrew on his side."

"I'm pretty sure they were a worship band for a church somewhere in Tennessee. Or maybe it was California?"

"Yeah, man. I'm positive. The band is Christian…. "

"Oh really," you respond. Sitting a little taller in your coffee shop chair, excitedly playing with the idea along with the rims of your thick black-rimmed glasses. "This it it," you think to yourself, we've got someone on the inside, someone successful, someone who can prove that someone can be Christian and talented.

The idea produces more goose bumps than the night you sang "Amazing Grace" holding hands around the campfire.

So you order some songs on iTunes and start listening. I mean really listening. For the Spirit-infused lyrics. For the biblical illusions. The love-songs-that-are-really-about-Jesus that you somehow missed before.

Oh yes, you hear it now. They're not just talented. They're anointed.

It's high school all over again, and the cool senior with the tattoos just walked into Wednesday morning prayer. We Christians have finally made it.

Notable Secular-Christian, Christian Musicians.

Jon Acuff already wrote about arguing about the faith of U2, but the list of Secular-Christian, Christian musicians is longer than the Levitical laws.  Such reputable artists include Collective Soul, OneRepublic, Justin Bieber, Jessica Simpson, Regina Spektor, The Fray, Miley Cyrus, Jewel – the list holds no prejudice to genre or style. If Google says they're Christian, then it must be so.

Creed was driving the train for years with star-struck Christians climbing aboard — Five Iron Frenzy t-shirts quickly being replaced by Scott Stapp looking pensively towards the sky with arms wide open.

Mumford and Sons was the main addition to the list from 2011. Songs like "Awake My Soul" and "Sigh No More" leading countless people to the Lord, of this we are sure. Sure "Little Lion Man" and its chorus of F-bombs confused the equation a bit. But those F-bombs were nothing more than explosions of authentic-emotional-truth. Nothing more. And when in doubt, we'll just turn that song down in the office. Problem solved.

But why? Why is it so tempting for us to throw the Christian label on musicians who have purposely tried to avoid it?

Three Reasons We Quickly Claim Secular Musicians as One of Us

1. Evangelism Made Easy

No longer do we have to coax friends to church or a Christian music festival to be touched by the spirit. No, now we can just slip on that Regina Spektor CD, sit back, and watch the conversion-magic happen.

"Do you hear it?"

"Hear what?"

"Oh, you'll know."

"Know what?"

"Just keep listening…"

2. Guilt-Free Music

The days of giving away all our "secular" CDs after coming back convicted from camp are over. Now we can listen to our favorites, as they are merely undercover agents for the Lord. Buying a CD is like giving money to the ministry smuggling Bibles into a communist country. We can support their secret mission with every $9.95.

3. Cool Christianity

All the angry bearded men with megaphones and signs about hell. All the do's and don'ts, lest you be judged. All the "Christian" music. All the strikes against us can be demolished with just one Mumford and Sons chorus at the proper volume.

It's the best of both worlds: Good music and great God. The only thing that can throw a monkeywrench into the whole thing is when one of the bands we've claimed makes a point of saying, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. We are not Christian." They go beyond the traditional faith disclaimer of "We're not a Christian band. We're a band of Christians" and actually say, "We are decidedly not down with the king." At that point, well, we'll take our albums and go home.

Content that we still haven't found what we're looking for.

Question:

Have you ever claimed a musician as "one of us?"



(For more great stuff from Paul, check out his website AllGroanUp.com.)

The stranger at church who has never had kids but yet is compelled to give you unsolicited advice on how to parent yours.

Quit it.

The best thing I've learned on the road this year.

"I am the worst dad on the planet."

This is what I think every time I go speak in Orlando, Florida without my kids.

Why do I think this?

Because the flight to Orlando is full of kids going to Disney World. They spend the entire flight intoxicated with the happiness of visiting the Magic Kingdom. For 90 minutes straight, they hug their dads across the airplane seats saying, "I can't believe you are taking us to Disney World, daddy! You are the best daddy in the world. Now I know for certain that you really love me! Dads who have business trips to Orlando and don't take their kids are some kind of monsters."

I've technically never heard that last part expressed on a plane, but I'm almost positive that's what they mean. Or that's how I interpret it. I sometimes hear things that aren't actually said. It's a problem. But on my most recent trip to Orlando, I actually did hear something pretty amazing in the back of a car, and I haven't been able to forget it.

Orlando is approximately 8 trillion square miles across. Since I didn't have a rental car, I scheduled a car to take me from the hotel to the venue I was speaking at. I know what you're thinking, "Probably a jacuzzi limo." And you're right. I travel exclusively via jacuzzi limo much like Tom on Parks & Recreation.

As I waited for the car in the hotel lobby, I started talking with a driver who had come to pick up someone else. He was a nice guy and proceeded to tell me a few stories about his life in Florida. Out of work, he had taken the driving job as a stop gap. His house was upside down, his prospects were non-existent, and he described Florida much like Vin Diesel's character in The Chronicles of Riddick would have described the prison planet he escaped from.

After a few minutes, my ride came and I jumped in the back of the car. I figured he'd have a story much like the first driver. After all, they were in the exact same profession, in the exact same geography, in the exact same economy. Instead, when I asked him how he was doing, this is what he said:

"Things are great! So much opportunity down here. We moved from up north, and we absolutely love Florida! I started this driving business, and it's starting to grow in some fun ways!"

I was confused by these two completely different experiences and so I told him,

"I just talked to another driver, and he told me the exact opposite story. What's different about you? Same city, same profession, same economy. Where's the disconnect?"

He laughed a little and then replied,

"Oh, I'm sure he bought his house in 2006. If I had purchased mine then, instead of in 2003, I'm sure I'd be upside down too. It's just a timing of the real estate."

I was astonished by his humility. Most people who experience success love answering the question, "Why did it happen?" with an answer like, "Cause I'm amazing and smart!" But the difference between his life and the other guy's life was bigger than just the timing of a home purchase.

"I'm sure that's part of it," I said, "but the truth is, even if you bought your house in 2006, you wouldn't have quit. As hard as that purchase might have made your life, being upside wouldn't have made you quit. You're not like that. Why not?"

Again, I thought he was going to bust out the, "7 magical steps that made me prosperous in a down economy." Instead, this is what he said:

"Well, it's like I always tell my kids: If you're living in God's will for your life, when you run into a problem, that's not your problem to fix, that's God's problem to fix. When you're living in God's will for your life and you run into an obstacle, that's not your obstacle, that's God's obstacle. My days are stress-free knowing that."

I love that.

It's simple, it's true, and it's incredibly encouraging.

Being in God's will doesn't mean you won't encounter obstacles or problems in your life. It means you won't encounter them alone. And when you do, avoid the temptation to say, "I got this one, God." Instead say, "Wow, I'm walking in the path you've laid out, and that's a big obstacle. Good thing I serve an even bigger God."

Question:

What's an obstacle you're facing right now or have faced in the past?

SCLQ – What's the last book you drew in?

A girl named Arden recently sent me a photo of the inside of a book.

The book in question is my book Quitter.

Whoever read the book before Arden took some intense notes. Look what they wrote:

As an author, that is really fun to see. This isn't a humble brag. This is straight brag table. You always hope your work hits people like this because this isn't standard underlining. They wrote "Boom" and "Did This" and "Amen." They even drew what appears to be a smiley face on the upper right side of the photo.

I'm looking for new books to read right now and seeing this photo made me curious:

What is the last book you drew in?

What is the last book that moved you so much you couldn't help but move your pen in response?

If you've got a Kindle or Nook or iPad, what's the last book you wrote digital notes in?