Jon Acuff's Blog, page 100

When Somebody Pickets Your Church

Turns out that this Sunday somebody is going to be picketing the church I attend. I spoke there last weekend, so this makes perfect sense to me. My message was on fire, and they’re huge fans of talking about hell and who is going there and fire.

My pastor, Pete Wilson, made a great video called “Grace to the Grace Killers” about how we should respond as a church to the picketing.

I’m pretty tempted to make my own sign, though. I’m tempted to Jesus Juke the whole gang of protestors. And I can’t take credit for this idea, someone sent it to me on Twitter. But, if I didn’t have a mature wife, this is what I would be holding on Sunday morning in front of my church and the protestors:

Question:

How would you respond to people who picketed your church?

 

When Westboro Baptist Pickets Your Church

Turns out that this Sunday Westboro Baptist is going to be picketing the church I attend. I spoke there last weekend so this makes perfect sense to me. My message was on fire and they’re huge fans of talking about hell and who is going there and fire.

My pastor, Pete Wilson, made a great video called “Grace to the Grace Killers” about how we should respond as a church to the picketing.

I’m pretty tempted to make my own sign though. I’m tempted to Jesus Juke the whole gang of protestors. And I can’t take credit for this idea, someone sent it to me on Twitter. But, if I didn’t have a mature wife, this is what I would be holding on Sunday morning in front of my church and the protestors:

Question:

How would you respond to Westboro Baptist Church?

 

I want destiny, not a desert.

We tend to romanticize the idea of “being called” by God.

We imagine an adventure involving a machete, a rope bridge and a country with a lot of vowels in the name. It will be tough, but at the end of the day we’ll be so firmly planted in God’s will that even the hardest parts of the journey will be kind of magical.

And then you answer a call from God and it doesn’t go that way.

In fact, it goes the opposite of that way.

You find yourself not in the middle of a destiny, but in the middle of a desert.

Our first temptation is to think we have failed. Surely, other people who are more plugged into God’s will aren’t in the desert. Maybe it’s our problem. Maybe everybody else has the answer except for us. Who steps out in faith and immediately lands in the desert? What kind of crazytown failure is that?

But then I read Mark 1:9-13.

Here’s what it says:

At that time Jesus came from Nazareth in Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. As Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove.

Wow, is there a more perfect start to a mission for God? A dove landed on him from heaven. (Please insert your own “This is what it sounds like when doves cry” joke here.)

And a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” 


Is there any question that God is in this adventure? He speaks from heaven! Cue amazing road trip song. (Probably something by Florence + The Machine.) Next scene should be Jesus walking down a road surrounded by friends. Go for it!

So what happens next?

At once the Spirit sent him out into the desert, and he was in the desert forty days, being tempted by Satan. He was with the wild animals, and angels attended him.

At once? Seriously? No delay, no pause, no catch your breath here we go? At once, Jesus is sent to the desert. To be tempted by Satan. For 40 days. And then I love how it ends casually, like that’s a normal thing, “He was with the wild animals, and angels attended him.” Oh, is that all? OK.

The desert wasn’t an eventual stop on this adventure, it was the first stop.

It was where Christ went immediately. So if you feel like you’re stepping into a calling God’s put on your heart, and find yourself in a desert you didn’t expect, don’t assume you’ve failed. Assume you’re following in Christ’s footsteps.

The easiest way to write a country song.

I laughed approximately 82 times during this 8 minute video. It’s from a musician named Andy Gullahorn. He and I did a youth retreat once together for a church out of Florida. Years later, I found this online and knew that although it focuses on “the easiest way to write a country song,” Andy Gullahorn had created a masterpiece that belonged on the list of “Stuff Christians Like.”

In the video he says, “There’s a formula you plug a country song into and then you’re crying at the end.” So his friend challenges him to write one and gives him a title,

“They danced alone.” Immediately he writes a song where two kids at a junior high school dance, “dance alone.” And then the second verse is about them dancing alone at their wedding. Then in the third verse, well Andy has to kill one of the people in the song, so he can “dance alone.”

This is brilliant. Hope you enjoy it as much as me.

 

Not making a Christian version of “50 Shades of Gray.”

Dear Christian Community,

Can you and I please agree to never make a Christian version of the book “50 Shades of Gray?”

Can we come together, maybe even do life together, walk through a season, perhaps avoid a slippery slope and promise each other that we won’t publish our own version?

It’s going to be tempting. It’s sold millions and millions of copies. There will doubtless be a movie version that has Hollywood’s Brian Dennehy in it. We could definitely co-opt a lot of momentum by sliding in, adding some Bibly flavor and creating a Christian edition.

As a reader named Bryan pointed out last week, the title even writes itself, “50 shades of grace.” According to Amazon the lead character in the trilogy of books is even named “Christian!” The books are number 1, 2, and 3 on Amazon right now and my local bookstore was stocking 600 copies a day and couldn’t keep them in stock. The first book has over 7,800 reviews on Amazon which is approximately 7,600 more than my book Quitter.

But, fight it. Resist the temptation to do what we did to the fine folks at the milk association. Before the milk mustaches had even cooled on their “Got Milk?” campaign we had rushed to the presses with “Got God?” shirts. And stickers. And mugs. And candles that smelled like sandalwood.

Now, I’m not an unreasonable man. I’m willing to make some compromises. If you agree to not make a Christian version of “50 Shades of Gray,” I will in turn, give you other popular books you could Christianize instead. Such as these:

“What to Expect When You’re Expecting” = “What to expect when you’re expecting a really awesome quiet time.” (Whole book is about picking out a good journal.)

“Unbroken” = “God Spoken.” (This one is nice because it’s just the Bible with a new cover. That’s all you have to do.)

“The Catcher in the Rye” = “Catcher in the Sky.” (This book is about God placing all the stars in the sky.)

“The Great Gatsby” = “The Great Saulsy.” (Not going to lie, that name is clunky, but inside the pages, this book has a heart of gold. Think about it, an out of control king, trying to get people to love him and respect him. What did the people see in David that they didn’t see in him? He built an empire in his name, only to lose it all… the great Saulsy!)

“A Game of Thrones ” = “A Game of Throne. There’s only one true king and therefore, one throne.” (This one is perfect because all you have to do is delete an “S.” Boom! Cover is done.)

I could do this all day, but the point is, we don’t need a Christian alternative to 50 Shades of Gray. (And I can speak from experience, having created this blog as an alternative to another one.)

We can do this Christian community. I know we can. Don’t let me walk into a Christian bookstore in six months and see a book called “12 tribes of gray.”

Sincerely,

Jon

Question:

Do you agree? Do you think we need to avoid making a Christian version of “50 Shades of Gray?”

10 Types of VBS Volunteers

(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Stephen Pepper. You can check out his blog here.  You can also follow him on Twitter @youthworkinit.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

10 Types of VBS Volunteers

At Youth Workin’ It, we’ve worked with many different youth workers and volunteers over our time in youth work and youth ministry. Seeing as it’s Vacation Bible School (VBS) season, we thought we’d give some tips on identifying 10 types of VBS volunteers.

All these essential helpers make up a team of VBS volunteers who can take on the world and, at the end of the week, still raise their hands in the air like Rocky:

1) The Servant: These are the people who answer the Falter Call. What’s a Falter Call? It’s when the pastor warns during church announcements, “We need some additional volunteers to help with VBS, otherwise the program will falter and won’t be able to go ahead.”

2) The Megaphone: When your calls for the children to be quiet go unheeded, this person is unleashed. Their naturally booming voice will override the screaming so effectively, children playing three neighborhoods over will be quiet and apologize for making so much noise.

3) The Cleaner-Upper: This person can be found perpetually picking up candy wrappers, plastic cups and glitter.  Honestly, trash at VBS is like the flour and oil from the story of Elijah and the widow – it simply doesn’t run dry. You need VBS volunteers like the Cleaner-Upper if you don’t want to end up having your church grounds looking like the streets of Times Square on New Year’s Day.

4) The Cling-On: There are two types of Cling-On parents. The first type would break into cold sweats if they left their child at VBS, so they volunteer so they can always be around them.

The second type of Cling-On is worried their child will get into trouble, so stay on hand to make sure they behave. Either way, be grateful for an extra pair of hands.

5) The Cling-To: This is the opposite of the Cling-On. They’re desperate to leave their child at VBS and get some downtime, but their child just won’t let go. They therefore become a volunteer by default, although you’ll have to give them tasks where they’ll be within a 2-foot radius of their child.

6) The Goofy Old Person: Every VBS has one of these volunteers. To look at them, you’d think they’d prefer to be in a rocking chair outside Cracker Barrel. But the moment VBS kicks off, they’re up front doing the wildest gestures to Bible songs, like someone slipped 5 Hour Energy in their cod liver oil.

7) The Sports Coach: Seriously, where do they come from? Does every church have some kind of miracle tree that sports coaches grow on, as every VBS manages to have one in their ranks.

The Pray-er: You can always rely on this person to single-handedly cover the VBS in prayer – at pre-VBS meetings, before kids show up each day, before worship, after worship, before snacks, after activities, at the end of VBS, etc. (This is the VBS volunteer I wish I was, but sadly am not).

9) The Youth: These can also be split into two types. The first type are youth who choose to be there – they want to become teachers, childcare assistants, etc.

The second type of youth are there begrudgingly because their parents told them to be. By the end of the week, though, they’ll be singing and dancing with the best of them, having the children sign their T-shirts and sticking glitter over their face; they’ll also be the first people to sign up to be VBS volunteers next year because they ended up enjoying it so much.

10) The Office Manager: This VBS volunteer is crucial. In the same way that the Pray-er takes care of all the praying, the Office Manager single-handedly takes care of all the admin with military precision. Their spiritual gift is organizing parental consent forms and any other paperwork-y stuff no one else wants to do.

Question: What other types of VBS volunteers have I missed?

For more great writing from Stephen, check out his blog.

Feeling compelled to tell Sunday school teachers why your kid has been absent the last few weeks.

Whenever we miss a few weeks of church, I feel compelled to explain the absence to my daughter’s Sunday school teacher, or anyone else who will listen for that matter.

If we’ve been out of town for a few weekends in a row, I’ll make sure to use some not-so-subtle sentences that tell the teacher where we’ve been when I drop off my daughter at the door.  “Here’s L.E.  She can’t wait to tell you about the beach.” Or, “L.E. is excited about Sunday School and wants to share all about her trip to the mountains, where we were last week, and not worshipping Satan somewhere if that’s what you assumed by our absence.”

Why do I do that? Part of the reason is that, at our church, there are so many kids that they have to carefully assign headcount to certain rooms.  And there’s a big chart of sticker nametags hanging on the door.  If you miss too many weeks, they remove your kid’s name from the wall.  Like that scene in Back to the Future where Michael J. Fox disappears from the photo, your kid no longer exists in that room.

It doesn’t stop with Sunday School, though. I’ll catch myself trying to explain why we missed church to random people who happen to sit in our same section week after week. I don’t know their last names, but I still feel compelled to let them know we had perfectly legitimate reasons not

to be at church for a few weeks.

Maybe it’s a pastor’s kid thing. Church is what we did every Sunday morning. Not attending was out of the question.  That would have been like giving both God and my dad the middle finger, so we went. Maybe it’s a fear thing too. I think people who are regular church attendees have a closer relationship with God; and in case I ever come up in their conversation with him, I want to make sure they have the most accurate attendance information and can pass on my excuses directly to him. Or maybe I think God is up there with a checklist like Santa Claus, and when he sees me miss church, that’s like a huge black mark.

It’s probably a potpourri of all three things, which stinks a little, but I’ll work it out next week, at church. Which is where I’ll be. If God asks you, please let him know I’m going pretty regularly. Except when we’re at the beach.

(This originally appeared in the Stuff Christians Like book.  If you want to pick up a copy, click here!)

Happy Fourth of July!

I hope you’re doing something awesome today, whether you live in the US and this is a day off or whether you live abroad and this is a Wednesday.

Regular Stuff Christians Like will return tomorrow!

Cheering when God is unexpectedly mentioned in a summer blockbuster movie.

If you haven’t seen the Avengers, this is a spoiler alert:

Captain America is in the movie.

That’s not a spoiler? He’s on the poster and in all the trailers? Fair enough, but if you did see it and you’re a Christian, you undoubtedly cheered in your seat at a certain scene.

You know the one I’m talking about.

Scarlet Johannsen, the criminally unarmed female lead (seriously she’s standing next to the Hulk and Thor with a tiny handgun), warns Captain America about getting in between Loki and Thor. She tells him he’s over his head because they are both “gods.” And Captain America responds with this:

Cue quiet cheer in my seat in the theater. Yay! A God shout out! Way to go movie. Or Marvel. Or Stan Lee. Yay all of you!

Granted, I didn’t think much was going to come of that. I didn’t anticipate an altar call at the end of the movie, me maybe baptizing a few people in the soda fountain in the lobby, popcorn raining down on us like delicious manna.

I’m not that silly. I know that’s not going to happen. I went on watching the movie with nary a thought about the Christian implications. Until …

that other scene with the Hulk. You know the one I’m talking about. It’s the one I watched 100 times on YouTube. I think I might have even stood up a little in the theater when he muttered “Puny gods.”

Granted, the Hulk didn’t then say, “There’s only one Alpha and Omega, He gives and takes away, blessed be the name …” but it’s close enough for me.

Is that enough to turn the Avengers into a sermon series, a la “The Matrix” and “Gladiator.” Maybe not, but there’s definitely enough in there for a Vacation Bible School Avengers theme.

Question:

Have you ever cheered when God was mentioned unexpectedly in a movie.

The Christian Hunger Games

Last week I was in Panama City Beach speaking at BigStuf, an amazing camp for teenagers. While we were there, we went and got some airbrushed shirts that would make your head spin they are so awesome.

During the hour we waited for them to finish the shirts, we looked around the store. That’s when I saw it, a shirt I should have known would be coming. A shirt who’s arrival was set in motion from the very first moment we created the “Lord’s Gym” shirt. (His pain, your gain.)

I give you …

The Christian Hunger Games!

I posted it on Instagram. (If you’re not following me on Instagram at JonAcuff, the delightfulness you are missing is almost criminal.)

The comments from you guys were hilarious. Now clearly, as someone who took a popular secular idea and turned it into a Christian idea, I can’t really spend a whole lot of time debating the merits of our need to create original works of art. (We should, argument over.)

But funny captions? Funny fake plots for the Christian Hunger Games? We can do that all day.

Think about the possibilities:

“Two star crossed loves, Ruth and Boaz, find themselves locked in a battle for manna …The Christian Hunger Games.”

So that’s what is up today.

If you were going to caption this photo or write the tagline or trailer for the The Christian Hunger Games, what would you write?