Marty Nemko's Blog, page 234

A Jewish Atheist and Christmas: Finding the joy, dealing with the issues

My PsychologyToday.com article today discusses how to find the joy and deal with the issues of a Jewish atheist at Christmas, including with a Christian's romantic partner who isn't Jewish.

Memorable Counseling

Whether you’re a counselor or counselee, isn’t is sad or at least surprising how little is remembered from a session?Even though my clients record our sessions on their phone and I encourage them to listen, many don’t, and even if they do, they remember only a small fraction of the takeaways they had agreed is important.
On reflection, that shouldn’t be so surprising. Think of all the counseling, workshops, let alone college courses, you’ve taken. How much do you remember? If you’re like most people, not much lives beyond a day or two. Takeaways’ half-life is short indeed.
An antidote is for counselors — whether psychological, career, life coaching, whatever — to build-in memorability. Counselees can use some too. My PsychologyToday.com article today offers some tactics I’ve used.

Your Slow Learner

Despite getting your child special help, s/he still struggles academically. Now what?
If I had such a child, and moderate help yielded little progress, I would not do what so many parents do: add tons of tutoring, summer school, plus maximum nagging: Did you do your homework? Let’s go over your homework. Do that again, Johnny.

Nor would I do what some parents, who are driven at least in part by a misplaced sense of guilt that the problem is their fault, fight with the school district, even hiring an attorney to get yet more on top of the special ed services the school already provided, even demanding private school at taxpayer expense.

My PsychologyToday.com article today tells what I would do.

Ignored or Rejected? Options for the ghosted and roasted

You’ve been ignored or rejected a lot.
It’s hard to go through life feeling that way. As usual, there are no magic pills but maybe one or more of the ideas in my PsychologyToday.com article today will help.

Marry? Should you aim for marriage? With your current partner?

This is the third and final installment in a series on romantic relationships.  

The first attempted to help you get clear on what sort of person and relationship you’re actually looking for. It also described good ways to use online dating, getting set up, meeting at work, and participating in ongoing group activities.  

The second installment offered tips on how to make the most of a first date, both in assessing the person and in making a good impression while being authentic.

Now, we turn to the big question, the M word, should you marry? And if so, is this person Mr/Ms Right? That's my PsychologyToday.com article today.

The Big Bad Wolf: The other side of the story

I couldn’t help it. I was too hungry. Besides, I was pissed at them. Pissed at them all: the three little piggies, and with Peter. You know, Peter and the Wolf. They’re little, they’re cute, so everyone loves them. But not me, I'm big and ugly. They keep saying that what matters is what’s on the inside. Not really.

Speaking of which, I gotta take care of my insides. I am hungry, so I better go into my routine: You know, “The better to eat you with my dear?” I'm sick of it but it works.

Ah, that’s better. But as you may know, depending on which version of my story you read, soon after I’ve got the hero in my stomach, my guilt takes over and I have to vomit the lucky twit right back up again. Excuse me a moment.

That’s better. But now I’m hungry again. But finally, someone is paying attention to me, so I’ll talk with you for a few minutes before I find some fairy-tale twerp to eat. And this time, I will not vomit him up. You just wait and see.

You ask how a wolf can feel guilt? I’ll tell you how: My mother, that’s how. Every time I’d gnaw on a piece of furniture, let alone a deer—She’d only let me eat beavers, birds, and fish. I hate fish—She’d look at me with those big eyes and whimper, “How could you, Wolfie? How could you!?” So I spent my childhood feeling like crap just for doing what comes naturally.

Okay, enough of the psychobabble sob story. I need to get something to eat. They didn’t come up with the saying, “Hungry like a wolf” for nothing.

Hey, I think I see some easy prey. There’s this kid skipping down the lane singing, “To grandmother’s house I go.” Well, there’s only one house in this forest. I’ll break in, eat grandma, and then maybe have the kid for dessert.

What a naive grandma; the door’s open. Hmm, no grandma. She must have gone out to, ha-ha, kill a deer. People like to eat deer but the thought makes them squeamish so they call it venison. But I digress. I’ll hide and if the kid comes in, dinner is served.

Here she is! But she’s so cute. No, I can’t fall for that looks crap. I’m going to eat that kid! But she has her whole life ahead of her. And my mom would kill me if she knew I was dining on kid, even if it wasn’t a goat. No-- I’ll put on the stupid grandma babushka and her apron.

Little Red Riding Hood exclaimed, “My what big ears you have.”

“The better to hear with you with my dear.” I’m hungry. I’ll skip widening my eyes. I don’t need to hear “Grandma what big eyes you have.” I’ll cut to the chase and flash my teeth.

 “Grandma, what big teeth you have.” 

“Bingo. Better to eat you my dear.” Aw shit, I just don’t have the heart. “Kid, I’m the Big Bad Wolf, and at the risk of screwing up your 500-year-old fairy tale, I’m outta here. I’m gonna get some fast food, a bird or something. Get out of here before I change my mind.

Why I can’t I be a dog? They all have some wolf in ‘em. Then, some nice person would feed me special recipes made just for me and I wouldn’t have to hunt. The opposite: They’d pet me, they'd rub my belly, hell, they'd let me sleep in the bed with them as long as I didn’t pee there.

Wishful thinking. I’m just a wolf, a big bad wolf. I’m consigned by my family of origin and hundreds of years of puerile fairy tales to be the bad guy: The Big Bad Wolf. Maybe I should see a shrink. 

The First Date: Judging Wisely and Making a Good Impression While Staying Authentic

Whether it’s that brief coffee meeting after “meeting” online, or a traditional first date, the advice I offer in my PsychologyToday.com article today should be helpful.

Finding a Great Romantic Partner

My PsychologyToday.com article today describes how to make the most of online dating, getting set-up, and participating in ongoing group activities where your Mr/Ms Right is likely in attendance.

8 Potentially Life-Changing Gifts

Sweaters, jewelry, and even socks are okay but especially for people who are psychologically or personal-growth oriented, one of the eight gifts I suggest in my PsychologyToday.com article today might be more appreciated and beneficial.

Finding Your Personal Philosophy

All of us should have a personal philosophy, an identified set of core beliefs. That's foundational to figuring out the life you want to live. To offer an example and perhaps help motivate you, I offer mine in my PsychologyToday.com article today.