Sue Burke's Blog, page 78
October 31, 2012
Duck? Duck!
I teach English to Spanish teenagers, which is an education for them and me.
Earlier this month, a student came to class wearing a tee-shirt that a friend had brought as a gift from New York — seen here, and available for purchase here:
My student knew what m***** f***** meant, since bad words are among the first vocabulary items any kid seeks out, but he had a question, and not the one I expected: “What does duck mean? I’m sure it isn’t pato.” (Pato = the bird called “duck.”)
So I explained, and he learned how to say get down and hide in one convenient English word. And, finally, he appreciated the joke on the shirt. Meanwhile I pondered the possibility of pistol-packing foul-mouthed New York waterfowl.
Education marches on.
— Sue Burke
P.S. Stay strong, New York! The world's thoughts are with you.
October 24, 2012
Special American dinner experience?
The other day I found a flyer in our doorway for a new T.G.I.Friday’s restaurant here in Madrid, located downtown on calle Virgen del los Peligros (Virgin of the Dangers Street, which is another story).
Yes, T.G.I.Friday’s, the “American Restaurant & Bar,” as it bills itself. The flyer also boasted of “nuevos dinner menus,” specifically “Traditional o Special American dinner experience.” (The flyer was an exotic mix of Spanish and English, I suppose to prove its authenticity.)
For the Traditional American dinner experience, only 9.95€, you could chose among chicken fingers with mustard and honey sauce or BBQ sauce, a bacon cheeseburger, Cobb salad, or beef sandwich.
The Special American dinner experience, 11.95€, offered a choice of great Southwest beef burrito, fire-grilled BBQ chicken tacos, Jack Daniel’s chicken, or Burger y Olé.
Burger y Olé? I wondered what that was too, so I went to the website, http://www.tgifridays.es, looked it up and snatched a photo. Grilled beef patty, manchego cheese, carmelized onion, and Spanish ham, with tomato, lettuce, pickles, and ali-oli sauce, which is garlic mayonnaise.
A Special American experience?
I’m not planning to rush out to try it, and I’m also not sure that any of those dishes would be the dinner that I would most want to represent my country. (What would be? And would it have the word “olé” in it?) I am sure that living overseas delivers endless entertainment, sometimes right to my doorstep.
— Sue Burke
October 17, 2012
Go Ahead — Write This Story: Finding an idea
Actually, ideas are the easy part; stories are hard. Still, you need an idea, so here are some ways to find them. Create an event for a story that justifies a proverb, refrain, or headline. Try crossing two unrelated things, like dental floss and espionage. Take a tarot reading or cast a horoscope for an imaginary person. Consider a real-life situation; now make a key person in it have the opposite personality, and see what happens. Look at an interesting picture and imagine it as the ending of the story. Or use one of the following ideas:
● This is a biting parody about a get-rich-quick scheme involving the sale of nanobots to be implanted in bald men's scalps that will spin out hair much like spiders spin out silk.
● This is a radio play about children on a playground pretending they are Klingons, and they are suddenly faced by a great and real test of their honor.
● This is a thriller/martial arts story in which a freelance theologian travels to New Orleans for a showdown with the Seven Deadly Sins.
— Sue Burke
October 10, 2012
Flush Fiction: for your occasional reading pleasure
Even if I didn’t have a story in this anthology, I would recommend it: Eighty-eight short-short stories you can read in a single sitting, so to speak.
Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader presents Flush Fiction
This anthology shines for its diversity: all kinds of genres, literary stories, and best of all, a few feghoots, stories that end in horrible puns. In fact, humor dominates. But you can guess that from the title.
So for a little fun, put this book in your throne room shelf. Learn more:
http://bathroomreader.com/homepage/flush-fiction/
As a writer, I’d like to add that working with the Bathroom Reader’s Institute (part of Baker & Taylor) was a delight. I hope they want more stories someday.
— Sue Burke
October 7, 2012
The neighborhood Virgin
[This is an encore post from 2009.]
Every Spanish town or city has its patron Virgin, and in a big city like Madrid, even neighborhoods have their own. Ours is Our Lady of Atocha. On the first Sunday of October — that is, today — she is taken out of the Royal Basilica of Atocha and carried in procession through the streets while neighbors applaud and cheer.
Tradition says that the statue was made by the disciples of Saint Peter while the Virgin was still alive. It's actually late Byzantine, although the veneration goes back centuries earlier. Saint Ildefonso, Archbishop of Toledo, wrote in 665 or 666 A.D. that an image of the Virgin was being worshiped in a small chapel near the banks of the Manzanares River.
Every local Virgin has her legends and miracles, and this is just one of Atocha's:
In the year 720, the mayor of Madrid, the knight Gracián Ramírez, often went to the chapel near the Manzanares to pray, but he went in secret because the area had fallen under the control of the invading Moors. One day the statue was missing, and as he searched for it, he pledged that if he found it, he would build a new chapel at that spot. He found it in a field of esparto grass, which is known as "atocha" in this part of Spain — thus, it seems, her name.
He gathered some men and construction began (at more or less the site of the current basilica), but as it neared completion, the Moors suspected that he was building a fort and amassed to attack. They badly outnumbered the Christians, and despite his prayers, Gracián feared defeat. To prevent his wife and two daughters from falling into the hands of the Moors, he brought them to the altar, drew his sword, and chopped off their heads. He left their corpses in the chapel and went out to fight to his death.
But at that moment, great flashes of lightning and deafening thunder blinded the Moors and terrified them. They trampled each other as they tried to run away, giving the Christians an easy victory. After the battle, they hurried back to the chapel to give their thanks. But when they arrived, Garcián discovered his wife and daughters on their knees praying before the altar — alive and well, but with a red line around their neck where he had severed their heads to remind him of his lack of faith.
(Astute readers will see a few historical problems with this story. Well, yes, such as the fact that the town of Madrid did not exist, and it so it had no mayor. It's a traditional story, and "tradition" in Spain means that you should take it for its dramatic, folkloric, or didactic value, not as fact.)
Over the years, the chapel became a church, and more miracles occurred. Eventually, the kings of Spain became regular worshipers, and Our Lady of Atocha became the patroness of the royal house. The church was rebuilt several times and eventually designated as a basilica. It was damaged during the French occupation in 1808 and burned down during the Civil War in 1936. The current building was inaugurated on Christmas Day, 1951.
But over the centuries, the statue, with its gentle, happy eyes, was always protected and saved.
Our Lady of Atocha is made of dark wood, 60 centimeters high from head to foot, seated on a throne with a crown on her head. She holds an apple in her right hand. The Christ Child sits on her lap, holding a book and raising two fingers in benediction.
The queens of Spain donate their wedding dresses to the Virgin, and when she goes out on procession, she wears splendid clothing made from them — as you can see in the photo.
She's one of the "black Madonnas" that became popular in Europe in the 11th and 12th centuries. Why were they black? No one is quite sure, but recent investigations have shown that they didn't turn dark through age. They were deliberately dark.
Today, she will be carried out of the church on a float decorated with flowers and candles. If it's like previous processions, as she emerges, the police band will play the Spanish national anthem, a royal march. Hundreds of people will greet her with applause and shouts of "Viva la Virgen!"
I hope to be there. I'm not Catholic, but Atocha is my neighborhood, and she's been here a lot longer than anyone.
— Sue Burke
October 3, 2012
American truisms
I don’t get back to the United States every year, so when I do, I find surprises. This year, I spent August 24 to September 8 in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, visiting family and friends, and Chicago, Illinois, attending Chicon 7, the 70th World Science Fiction Convention. Here are some observations:
American steakhouses are a true culinary treasure and should be celebrated. Although Spain has great pork and seafood, its beef is tender but bland. That’s because in Spain, the animals are slaughtered a year younger than in the US, so their flavor is less developed. I yearned for some good American beef. And oh my God, is it good.
Speaking of food, I observed in several supermarkets that home cooking seems to be on the wane. I could have bought ready-made anything. Although there does seem to be an increased interest in cake decorating.
I know this may be hard to believe, but clerks and waiters exceed their European counterparts in service and amiability. Some of them even seemed to be enjoying their work. Maybe they weren’t, but they put on a convincing act.
Television commercials have not improved.
Politics in the US actually may not be more nasty than politics in many European countries, but television ads, which are far more numerous in the US, make the nastiness harder to ignore.
Milwaukee and Chicago are pretty — even beautiful — in ways rarely seen on television and movies, which is the chief way foreigners learn about the US.
The science fiction convention was a blast, but too big. With more than 5,000 people attending, almost everyone was there, but I couldn’t find many of the friends I had hoped to meet there.
In the US, seems to be no other setting for air conditioning other than “arctic wasteland.”
— Sue Burke
Also posted at my professional website,
September 27, 2012
At Morgen Bailey's Writing Blog
Author Spotlight no.122 – Sue Burke « Morgen Bailey's Writing Blog
Fellow writers, take note that Morgen offers a lot of writer-related goodies and author-related opportunities, and she wants to hear from you. She was easy and pleasant to work with.
-- Sue Burke
September 26, 2012
VoteFromAbroad.org
If, like me, you’re a US citizen living overseas (or you know someone who is), you can vote in the upcoming presidential election, but you must register and request your ballot. The easiest way to do that is to go here:
http://www.votefromabroad.org/
A simple questionnaire will gather the necessary information about you and generate the form to send to your voter registrar in the US, along with the address for your registrar. No personal information will be recorded about you.
The deadline for registration for some states is as early as October 6, so act now. Even if you were signed up in previous elections, you must register and request your ballot every year.
This site is organized through Democrats Abroad, and it is by law non-partisan. If you have any questions about voting and your overseas ballot, just ask. I’m a member of Democrats Abroad, and we have voting experts who are waiting to help.
We want every citizen to vote.
— Sue Burke
September 19, 2012
Go Ahead — Write This Story: hiding your feelings
In real life, we spend a lot of time hiding our feelings. Your boss wants you to do something and you know it’s another stupid idea, but you also know it’s unwise to rant. Your mother tells you something unkind about your sister, but you don’t want to get dragged into that family feud again, so you reply as gently and vaguely as possible. In a story, your characters may also try to hide their feelings for important reasons. Here are a few story ideas that might involve hidden feelings:
• This is a competition and betrayal story about a young woman earning money for college by leading a group of adventure tourists to Styx.
• This is a gothic fantasy about an empath who discovers a rich source of psychic energy in discarded dreams, and wants to put it to good use.
• This is a political thriller about a major interplanetary incident touched off by France's request for the return of cultural objects taken as spoils in the G-Star War.
— Sue Burke
September 13, 2012
One word three ways
I teach English here in Spain, often to candidates for tests that certify their level of English. These tests can be used on resumes or university applications. One of them is the Cambridge University Certificate of Proficiency in English, designed for those who have achieved an extremely high level of skill, enough to teach at a university or work as a business executive.
This test is 100 years old, and to celebrate, it’s going to be redesigned again, as it has been regularly. One part of the exam will be eliminated, the part that only one of my students enjoys and the rest hate passionately. This part presents three sentences with blanks, and the exact same word can be used in each of the three blanks. Here are some examples. Can you get them right? (Scroll down for the answers.)
1.
The hospital would only give news to Trudy's ....... family and not her friends and distant relatives.
The law will take place with ........ effect.
The patient reported experiencing ........ benefits following the operation and is not expected to need any further treatment.
2.
His employer ....... that he had been ill, and she did not penalize him for having been absent.
She never ....... the things he did for her.
He said that the value of the house had ....... considerably.
3.
When he was in his nineties, the famous writer’s health began to ........
If the potato crop were to ......., it would create many problems for the local people.
Please do not ....... to check the safety precautions for this device.
4.
I thought I had a good solution to the problem, but my plan was ....... by the director, who said it would be too expensive.
In many parts of the country, black clouds completely ....... out the sun and whole towns were cast into darkness.
Enrico had to take a different route home because the main coast road was ....... by a lorry which had overturned.
5.
After lunch, we had a ....... of cards, just to pass the time.
His grandparents had a ....... in Luca’s upbringing, as his parents worked full time.
Mrs. Spencer opened the door and said, “If you lay a ....... on my son, there’ll be trouble.”
6.
I do not ....... with young people staying up until all hours.
How many books does this bag .......?
Ben’s parents ....... shares in several major multinational companies.
7.
A mobile phone is almost an absolute ....... for this job, as you will need to be available at all times.
The summary of his findings is, of ......., very brief, but it gives as much information as is relevant.
There was no ....... for her to give up her job — it was entirely her own choice.
8.
He thought that a few illustrations or anecdotes would add ....... to his report.
The fascinating old market is full of ....... and activity, and is well worth a visit.
You’re looking better today — you’ve got a bit more ....... than you had yesterday.
9.
She couldn’t ....... the pressures of her new job and eventually resigned.
He was unwilling to ....... the goods the two men offered him, as he suspected they were stolen.
It wasn’t very polite of you just to ....... off without saying goodbye to anyone.
10.
Angela gasped as she felt the ....... pain in her knee again.
There is a ....... bend in the road just after the post office, so don’t drive too fast.
The slightly ....... taste of the drink will not appeal to everyone.
A
N
S
W
E
R
S
1. immediate
2. appreciated
3. fail
4. blocked
5. hand
6. hold
7. necessity
8. color
9. take
10. sharp
— Sue Burke
Also posted at my professional website,
