Kirk Demarais's Blog, page 6

ANATOMY OF A 1980s NOVELTY SHOP WINDOW DISPLAY

 
UPDATE!: Be sure to scroll all the way to the bottom of the article to check out an amazing reply to this post from Mark Pahlow, founder of Archie McPhee!!


Content Advisory: It's pretty mild, but this post contains some imagery that might not go over well at the office, or any place where semi-nudity and crude humor isn't okay.

During a recent journey across the internet I happened upon this photo of a genuine novelty shop window from the 1980s. I'd like to send out my heartfelt thanks to the anonymous soul who had the wherewithal to capture this piece of space and time. The cost of film and development alone would prevent most from snapping a picture like this. (That's why I suspect it was taken by the shop owner or the window dresser, but I'll speculate more in a moment.) Not only does it exist— it's a quality photo and somehow it made the digital leap onto the web! The extent of the display is also remarkable even for a time when novelty items were more prevalent.

After marveling for a while I put on my cyber-detective hat and started asking questions.
When was this photo taken? 
Based on the "Think Fat" poster I have deduced that it was taken in 1985 or later. However, the mix of merchandise goes back at least a decade and a half before that. For instance, the Executive Waste Basket Ball dates back to 1966 (though they remained on shelves for a long while). A couple other packages have that late sixties look too. This may be a clue as to when the store opened.

Where was this? 
Certainly in the United States, as indicated by the Jimmy Carter bottle opener, and probably below the Mason-Dixon line considering the confederate flag, hat, and bow tie. It's most likely a touristy spot. Some place like Gatlinburg, Tennessee, or maybe somewhere in Florida or Texas, or perhaps an east-coast beach town?

What store is this? 
Is the business called Michel's or Michelle's, or something else? That's still a mystery.
UPDATE:  When I reversed the image and enhanced it a bit you can see another sign that says "Michel's."
Also, commenter Hugh Walter theorizes that it could be an internal display, possibly for trade rather than retail. Very interesting!



Of course the big question is, what exactly were they selling? After a lot of staring and a lot of googling I've been able to identify over two dozen objects, and I've located photos of most of them. Some I recognize, but couldn't find photos of. These include: the big blue Sob Scarf, the Talking Refrigerator at the bottom, and that particular Lucky Dice display.

A couple of them remain shrouded in pixels. The one that drives me nuts is the thing that looks like a camera in the bottom middle. The image on the side looks like sequential shots of a baseball player. Is it some sort of novelty camera?

EDIT: Solved!
Reader "VertigoJon" did some serious detective work. He says...
"I set out on a mission to figure it out.
5 hours later, after photoshop-forensics I still couldn't get it. Inverting colors, playing with contrast, blurring, sharpening, de-noising… nothing.

The text looked like preppy gag, troute king, pyeig-L rug, peng's rag… and on and on. I did google searches of all sorts that would drag up vintage camera gags.

Finally I got it! On the box, over what looks like the camera, I was trying to figure out what the yellow stripe was when I say what looked like red letters. I THOUGHT I could clearly make out “PHONE”… so I went with that. It isn't “king”, it's “ring!!

Then an epiphany! PHONE-Y RING!
A quick google of that term confirmed it."




The Phone-Y Ring was produced by Cal Themes who was also responsible for a line of "jiggler" creatures and animals, as well as a selection of suggestive box gags. It came out in 1980 which happens to be the same year that CaddyShack hit theaters. Thus, Rodney Dangerfield's high tech golf bag, complete with telephone, may be the inspiration behind the golfing imagery on the side of the box.


The other one I want to know about is the pinkish box in the bottom left with the hand dropping something (a coin?) into another hand. There's also that tasseled fabric thing hanging next to the flags in the upper right corner [edit: solved! see further below]. This could be another clue to the locale. If you have any ideas, please don't hesitate to comment.

Mysteries aside, let us turn our attention to the known products that make up this carefully curated medley of mirth.




  1. Blow-up doll This is probably the most common inflatable girl, considering it's been in production for nearly half a century. She's inexplicably named Judy and she's often sold alongside her soulmate, John. This model is not anatomically correct, however, that fact doesn't dispel the social stigma placed on Judy owners.

2. Phony Arm Cast (with sling and safety pin for the sling)The 'phony' genre of gags are typically unable to fool anyone standing closer than ten feet away. But this classic sympathy-getter is surprisingly realistic when worn. Cover it in fake signatures for maximum effect.

3. Think Fat Wall Poster
This reaction to the '80s fitness craze demonstrates the gift shop's role as a cultural first responder.  Trend chasing profiteers brought us everything from Michael Jackson-esque glitter gloves to Beanie Baby preservation devices. Timely or not, it's tough to imagine even one customer compelled to pay for this poster and then hang it up for daily viewing. Maybe the ultra-wacky college student from a Spring Break movie, who already owns the double-can beer helmet, and a closet full of Hawaiian shirts? But the truth is, enough people voted with their dollars to fund a fat joke poster subgenre. And it wasn't just this company, here are a couple others from Western Graphics...


Speaking of poster makers, according to the copyright info, the Think Fat image was bestowed upon us by "Tony Stone Associates." Some ebay research yields a mini portfolio by Stone and company which includes: two bewildered kittens, a cockpit, and a baby sitting among a selection of chamber pots and bed pans. Mind you, all of these are large wall posters intended for home decorating.







4. 'Kiss Me' Inflatable LipsThis misshapen, yet demanding object is the sort of thing that can pass for romantic in the context of a carnival, or a sweaty boardwalk.

5.  Mr. John Fake UrinalThis was produced by Fishlove, Inc. which was one of the top commercial merrymakers in the 1960s and 70s. They were responsible for the classic Chatter Teeth, Whoops fake vomit, jumbo sunglasses, and a ton of box gags. ( I demoed a Fishlove party gag kit a long time ago.)
This item seems like another potential classic, but I suppose few would-be pranksters were willing to risk the messy consequences of it actually fooling someone. (I found this photo on the Fun Incorporated Instagram which does indeed incorporate some fun images.)


6.  Rubber ChickenAnother definitive novelty, and this shop proves their credibility by offering at least three different designs. (This is the one on the left.) Think about that, three different styles of rubber chickens to choose from! That is just unbelievably hardcore. I fancy myself a novelty enthusiast, but this makes me a bit uncomfortable.

7.  Costume Ball and ChainEven at this place a ball and chain seems like an odd choice for a window piece. There I go again, always underestimating the number of people interested in dressing as the standard black-and-white-striped prisoner. In actuality, it's been a staple for decades. It's half of the old 'cop and crook' couples' theme, plus, a prisoner represents deviance in the most general sense. In fact, the ball and chain is an internationally recognized symbol for captivity even though it hasn't been commonly used for generations! Now I totally get why they put one in the window.


8. Magic KnifeKicking off a series of "thru head" items is the Magic Knife. The name of the product, the unrestrained graphics, and the chintzy plastic construction blur the lines between illusion, costume accessory, and toy. The blood splattered word "TERRiBLE" is simultaneously appropriate and out of place. The whole thing smacks of cultural illiteracy, which only adds value in my opinion. The Native American artwork may seem odd, but I'm betting that it's an attempt to associate with the better-known Arrow Through Head tradition. One thing is for sure, Knife Thru Head poses a real marketing challenge. Just look at these other designs...

The approach on the bottom right is the most successful in my opinion. The vampire element doesn't make a lot of sense, but the designer prevented the product from obscuring the artwork and the text, and the light gray gravestones are a nice contrast to the black knife, which ensures visibility.Wow, critiquing decades-old novelty packaging gives me a tremendous rush.


9. Trick Arrow Trough HeadAs I said before, this is the most well known of the "through the head" products. It looks to be the earliest incarnation, plus, it was popularized by Steve Martin's stand up comedy act. Martin fans took to wearing them to his shows where he mocked the lesser quality versions. I have a theory that Martin's were custom made from real arrows. This is a thought that puts deep envy in my heart.
 




10. Nail Thru Head This one feels like a cash grab following the success of its predecessors. It's also the most unlikely of the bunch considering the scarcity of foot-long spikes in our daily lives. However, I do appreciate the phrase "wonderfully weird 'nut' case."

11. House Rules fake clockThis is probably the uncredited inspiration behind Alan Jackson and Jimmy Buffet's horrible song. More importantly, it represents one of my favorite forms of novelty: humorous barware from the mid-century. I love the notion of the basement bartender keeping a stockpile of sight gags on hand to keep things lively. There were no bar shelf pictorials in Good Housekeeping, nor was there a "man cave" aisle in Hobby Lobby, and yet people instinctively knew how to decorate this corner of the house. The booze and the decor worked harmoniously to create a casual atmosphere intended to maximize comfort and minimize pretense.
I'd like to take a few moments to celebrate this phenomenon with pictures. Fictional examples can be seen in Edward Scissorhands...

and Mary Tyler Moore...


And here's a real life example that I found on this blog...

This one even has a different version of the clock...

More glorious real life examples courtesy of ebay...





12.  Magnum P.I. PosterWhile this bit of pop culture isn't out of place in a gift shop such as this, the choice to put it in the window seems to reflect the taste of the window dresser, especially considering that it's one of two dark-haired, mustachioed hunks on display. (see below)
13. Burt Reynolds Reclining Nude Poster This is the poster version of Burt's infamous 1972 photo shoot for Cosmopolitan magazine. It is perhaps the closest thing to a male equivalent of the famous Farrah Fawcett poster from the same era. Burt recently said that he regrets his decision to do it, even speculating that it may have cost him an Oscar for his role in 'Deliverance.' Read the link, he really said that.


Here's the photo again so you don't have to keep scrolling back up...

 


UPDATE:  Magician, Frank Thurston has identified the tasseled banner in the upper right corner!It looks to be a variation of a racially insensitive bar tapestry featuring an exotic drinker posing the question, "What'll you have?" The figure that appears on the one in the photo looks to be wearing some sort of knee-wear and has a covered torso. It's hard to imagine who else might be included in this bizarre series. (Thanks for the tip Frank!) 





14. Fake Lobster-I know I shouldn't question the appeal of novelties, but it's hard for me to understand the endgame here. It's too big and artificial looking to be a dinner table gag. It's not really a toy. My best guess is that it's more of a party decoration, maybe for a luau or ocean themed event. Whatever the use, the demand is real or they wouldn't keep manufacturing this thing decade after decade.


15. Hanging Fuzzy Dice Another perennial item, cleverly juxtaposed with the display of regular sized dice in the shop window.

16. Fake SpearThis potential costume accessory doubles as a toy for the kiddies. This type of thing popped up when baby boomers were kids and just never went away. Every souvenir hut seems to have a mini arsenal of 'historic' weapons and regalia. Speaking of which...

17. Confederate Army Costume Hat
Who are the parents that encourage their kids to dress up as the losing team?



 18. Executive Waste-Basket-BallThis was produced by Poynter products, another notable player in the novelty game during the golden years. Their most prevalent output (based on Ebay listings) was the Jayne Mansfield water bottle, the go-go dancer drink mixer, and a battery-operated Frankenstein whose pants fall down. 
I really admirer their product line. It was far more diverse, complex, and imaginative than the competition...
Anyway, I consider the Waste-Basket-Ball a minor classic. How else would movies depict the passage of time for playful people with writers block, or all-night study montages?

19. Sin Glasses-I wonder which came first, the name or the product? The box design was definitely 'on trend' but the glasses are almost unrecognizable on the model. (Maybe to tone down the bawdiness?) I can sense the optimism behind this one, someone thought it would be the next big thing. Maybe they were ahead of their time because this Youtube video has nearly a quarter million views.

20. Weepy the Wee Wee
Urinating statues have been around since ancient times, but during the last century they finally became portable (and affordable) thanks to the advent of squirt gun mechanics. I'm impressed with the way this figure is designed with careful ambiguity, so as to cater to both young and old, and notice how the genitalia is obscured on the package while still communicating the product's function. But despite so many well-made decisions, I think the name was a big mistake. I was writing a paragraph that explained the problem, and explored possible solutions when I realized that I've already lingered on this way too long.
Believe it or not, this item was in the news earlier this year when a popular gas station attendant was fired after a customer complained that he used a Weepy to spray cleaning fluid on their windshield. The internet was not happy with the decision.


21. Crack Up Golf Ball
I've tested my share of trick balls (billiard, baseball, and golf) and none of them move in squiggly lines like the one shown on this deceptive package.  However, the Crack Up golf balls are made of some compressed powdery stuff that will indeed fly apart when hit hard enough. The down side is that it lacks the shine or markings of a real ball so good luck fooling anyone. I wish I could travel back to 1978 and warn everyone.


22. Happy Mouth Bottle OpenerIn the gift biz Jimmy Carter was reduced to his mouth and his love of peanuts pre-presidential role as a peanut farmer, often at the same time. I'm amazed that the makers of Happy Mouth didn't turn the handle into a peanut. I have nothing but respect for their sense of restraint.

23. Gas-Up Pocket Flask DecanterProduced in 1973, this was undoubtedly inspired by the national oil crisis of the same year. I love that it exists, but it seems so elaborate (even requiring batteries) for such a semi-amusing concept, and the possible payoff seems pretty low. 

Unless you imagine the very best case scenario— It's 1973 and you're a well-liked member of your local lodge. You're deep into the biggest party of the year, the girl has already popped out of the cake, and you walk over to the coat check where you pull this decanter out of your briefcase. You picked it up at your favorite joke shop on the way here. (You're a regular and the owner knows you by name, and gives you discounts.) You got a big bonus this year so the lofty price tag didn't cause you to blink. Also, you remembered to buy batteries. You discreetly assemble the whole thing, and fill it with your favorite booze while your friends start to notice your absence. (This group of lugs are the best a guy could ask for, friends til the end.) Thanks to the 'pocket hook' the Gas-Up device fits undetectably inside your jacket. Armed for laffs, you head back towards the heart of the shindig trying to conceal a huge grin. Someone has a lampshade on their head, but you know they're about to lose their "life of the party" status. You approach a semi-circle of esteemed brethren that includes: the local mayor, the owner of the new bowling alley, and Telly Savalas. You say, "Can I freshen anyone's drink?"as you open your jacket. The room is a tinderbox of laughs and you just brought a stick of dynamite. You've ensured your rise to social stardom while lessening gas crisis anxiety. You are an American hero.
But under any other circumstance Gas-Up seems a bit lame.




UPDATE: Here's a very insightful response to this post from Mark Pahlow, founder of Archie McPhee!! Excess at 1980s Gatlinberg gift shows?!! Tales of the Manhattan toy show?! An exclusive peek into the history of the novelty biz?!! It's so great I can't take it!!...

"The time your photo was taken could be as early as late 1970s, because of the Jimmy Carter items being so prominent, or most anytime in the 1980s. There was so much Jimmy Carter junk produced that it was being sold years after he left office.
Carter's run for the White House (a classic move by a governor most of the country never heard of but who had a strong state support group to push him through the various state primaries) was a period full of peanut theme novelties because of his family's long history of peanut farming in Georgia.
As for where it was taken, it might have been in Gatlinburg, TN, at a Smoky Mountain Gift Show.  That small town held a famous trade show for decades, often scattered in the conference rooms of assorted motels there, that was strong on novelties and had national attendance. I remember the local folks being really friendly there. And I remember being scared driving a rental car at night from the airport to Gatlinburg on narrow, two-lane roads. 
We ate lots of chicken fired steak at those shows. There were a lot of characters at that time, with lots of unhealthy food, cigarettes and booze. I loved the small companies makingnovelties out of tree stumps, coal, sugar, etc.--lots of small outfits trying to make it in the marketplace.
But I think it is more likely to have been taken in one of the lower rent, lower floors of the 200 Fifth Avenue Toy Center (Building) in Manhattan. I went there for many years, starting in the late 70s. I was a naive kid in the Big Apple, sleeping on the floor of a friend's apartment there because the hotels were so expensive. At the time, New York City was the motherlode for the novelty trade.
The big toy companies like Hasbro and Mattel had large, posh showrooms on the upper floors, that often required an appointment to enter.  The smaller jobbers, importers and old family novelty firms, most of which also had offices and warehouses (yes, at that time Manhattan still had property cheap enough to use for warehousing) nearby, showed there. There were small rooms, often without windows, were jobbers showed goods while chain smoking. 
After I wandered that building, I'd walk to the nearby offices/showrooms of novelty importers to inspect their huge selection of products.
M. Pressner & Co. was a short walk south on Broadway.  I'd walk the showroom aisles with Jerry Pressner and place orders. Pressner carried the popular Sin Glasses that you showed in the photo. Their logo was a crown and the name "Empress" which was on their packages and shipping cartons. 
At that time Pressner still had a small facility in New Jersey that producing US-made plastic toys like Cracker Jack animals, doll accessories and novelty charms and trinkets. It was such lovely stuff!
Also nearby was Nadel & Sons, where I worked with Mel Nadel.  I bought the classic Nail Through Head carded novelty, exactly as shown, from Nadel. And then I 'd see the notorious Nat Shaland at Wm. Shaland Co. There was Louis Greenberg as well.
All of these importers still had old stock novelties and toys that were made in Japan and I bought all I could. It was a transition time for novelty and toy production being moved to Hong Kong and Taiwan.  
I'd sit with these Kings of the Novelty Trade and ask questions and listen to their stories.
World War II was really a challenge for them as all Japanese goods were banned in the US and their warehouses were full of Japanese made goods.  I also learned in the old days a firm selling merchandise could depreciate their product inventory each year, as though it were a fixed asset, which is unbelievable when compared to general accounting principles today. And in the 1950s they faced an income tax rate that was as high as 90%.  
I loved those guys and the amazing products they created and sold.  They were rubber chicken/nail through head swashbuckling marketing pirates and geniuses, who helped teach me the trade and gave me payment terms of net 30 days when I was starting out and had no money. 
This blog post brought back some good memories for me! I miss all those guys & that ephemeral world. I am happy that you, Kirk, are doing the work to capture some history and flavor of these wonderful products and people. I tip my hat to you, buddy!"
Mark Pahlow

'NIGHTLIFE' MY ARTISTIC TRIBUTE TO THE VIDEO STORE

This year marks the seventh time I've happily been a part of Gallery 1988's Crazy 4 Cult . It's the art show that started a well-worn trend, and is said to have "launched a thousand shows" just like it.

This time, rather than celebrating a particular film, I focused on the now romanticized video store. It's a look back to a time when home viewing stakes were higher considering pitfalls like uninformed movie selections, potentially damaged tapes, late fees, and the investment of time and gas money. But those things were outweighed by the social interactions, the free popcorn, the looping previews, and the ritual that could turn a Friday night into an event. All the legwork and logistics gave weight and value to the movies, even the awful ones. Although one can't truly understand their value until you've had to spend eighty bucks to replace a tape that melted in your car window.

The piece is also a tribute to one of my favorite artists, Edward Hopper. He often used American storefronts as a stage for lonely, isolated individuals. In this case, loneliness emerges in the wait for your long-overdue ride. So long that the option to go back inside vanished when the door was locked and the lights went dark. In a broader sense, we're all locked out of the video store.
(Sheesh, of all the things to get poignant about, I pick movie rental.)

Process wise, I assembled a photomontage first and then painted digitally on top of it. I'd say I was 'cheating' if it hadn't taken so many dozens of hours to complete.

This evening, as I was in the middle of writing this entry, I was reminded of the downside of physical media by making a dark, rainy, thirty-plus minute round trip to use a stupid Redbox promo code on the only copy of Ant-Man in a sixty mile radius. I got to the kiosk to discover that the touch screen was out of commission. I returned to my family empty handed, and spent another twenty minutes on customer chat to null the transaction. ("Krista" the service rep promptly disconnected once I started in on my sob story.) And here I am commemorating the dying industry that I helped kill off in favor of a disc dropping robot that chose to ignore me tonight.

Anyway, if my hypocrisy doesn't disgust you, and you want one, then signed and numbered prints are available for $20 through Gallery 1988's site.

(Also, here it is as 1900x1200 desktop wallpaper.)

GIVEAWAY: AUTOGRAPHED MONSTER CEREAL BOXES!

Welcome to the first time I've ever done an actual givaway! (Apart from giving away thousands of words and photos and thoughts and feelings all these years.) As you may recall, last year General Mills commissioned some DC comic book artists to update the Monster Cereal monsters. They also sent me the two autographed boxes seen above for promotional purposes. Well, it may be a year later, but here's my promotional bloggery! One lucky reader will receive both boxes, and shipping is on me.

To enter, simply comment (only once) on this post with either your twitter handle, or a cleverly disguised email address (disguised to the extent that bots might not recognize it, but I can make it out.) Next week I will use a randomly generated number to determine which comment wins. I'll accept new comments until Tuesday, October 27, 11:59 PM CST. Then I'll request the mailing address from the winner and put the boxes in the mail. No future spam for anyone or anything like that.

Be it known that the prize is meant to be a 'vintage' collectible, and not intended to be eaten. The 'best eaten by' date was sometime last May.

Good luck, and Happy Halloween!

Also, if you want to see what's going on with Monster Cereal this year, I recommend Dinosaur Dracula's excellent coverage.

HALLOWEEN 2015

It's here! Sweet October with its brilliant blue skies, yellow trees, and cool, smoky nights. I don't have a full blown Halloween countdown in me this year, but I thought I'd share some stuff I've been doing to make the most of this all-too-precious season.

First, it's my 2015 Halloween mood table!...


This time around I went with a paired down, more focused approach in comparison to last year's overblown creation. This table tells the story of a spooky house and its many skeletal guardians. It's actually an eventless, boring tale, but it's pleasing to look at. Many of the ornaments were previously seen in my skeleton countdown of 2007 including the #1 entry which is now in the uppermost position of honor. The pyramidal composition was an artistic convention developed during the Renaissance; here it has been perfected.
In the tradition of most spooky houses, this one has a secret. It was built, not on a graveyard, but on a foundation of 80s horror movies!!


I found this VHS storage cabinet at the Salvation Army last month for seventeen bucks, and it is a beauty. It comfortably houses much of my Halloween entertainment.


Most of the movies came from nearby video stores that have somehow* managed to stay in business. Before I brought them home, these tapes spent decades in the same showroom, waiting to entertain. During those years they've been granted access into homes, vehicles, and gatherings that I could only dream of today. Just seeing their paths plotted out on a map would be exciting to me. What's that, the mayor's daughter had Goulies II checked out for two and a half weeks? I wonder which movie has spent the most time shoved under the seat of a pick-up truck? Ironically, many of these tapes have probably "seen" horrors far worse than the stuff depicted in their respective films.
I enjoy knowing that some of these videos are the very tapes that I ignored week after week in my youth. If young me would have known that I'd be interested in them during adulthood, well, I would have been pretty bummed. After all, many of these were actually below my personal standards as a teenage cinephile. Little did I know that frequenting the Horror shelves each week would wire my brain to associate low budget scares with dopamine-soaked weekend leisure. Today they're still oddly comforting.
*By adding tanning beds, paycheck advances, and liquor.
One of these stores still fires up the same sign they installed in 1987. So I put together this commemorative GIF...




What else?
I went to a Halloween Festival in Muskogee, Oklahoma. It's got about a half dozen haunted walkthroughs, but this year I brought my son whom I have not deemed ready to be chased by a teenager in a Jason mask. So we roamed around the grounds and soaked up the spooky atmosphere, music, costumes, and night air.

In addition to watching scary movies, I've been using my screens to play a couple creepy video games. I got Alien: Isolation for pretty cheap and my favorite thing about it is getting to wander around the 70s retrofuturistic environments which have been reproduced in painstaking detail. The in-game technology is reminiscent of an Atari 5200, and there are novelties scattered about, including the classic drinking bird...

I'm not really a zombie guy, but for some reason year after year I keep coming back to Left 4 Dead 2.  The B-movie vibe is great, and it's super fun, provided you can find the right people to play with. I like to crack the sliding glass door so I can feel the chill, and hear the real crickets as I brave the virtual spookiness.

Lastly, this Halloween season is unbelievably special for me because I got to be a part of this month's issue of Famous Monsters of Filmland magazine! Mail-Order Mysteries turns four years old this month, so these days I'm happily shocked when someone asks me to do something related to it, and then THIS of all things! I'm still trying to get my head around the significance of it all, considering the role this magazine has played in my life. It's on par with the time that Johnson Smith Co. sold my book about S.S. Adams. I'm blown away.    


I'll probably post the interview here in the future, but for now you can find it at your favorite book mart or magazine hut.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!  

WHERE I TWEET

As you can see things have been pretty slow around here recently. That won't always be the case, but if you want some secret fun to tide you over until my next posting spree then I invite you to visit my Twitter page and follow me.

"What sorts of things do you tweet about?" you might ask. Well, nobody would ever really ask that. To answer your question, I tweet found links, current happenings, and some 'secret fun' type photos.  Here are some of the photos I was talking about in that last sentence...










 


 Treasures of which lost temples? Oh, THOSE lost temples.

On occasion I'll type a sentence or two that I think is amusing. Then later I'll realize how unamusing it is and delete it. Here are some that I haven't deleted yet.

 "Weather.com says that it's the "Anniversary of Deadliest Tornado." Happy anniversary tornado!"

"Whenever something bad happens to me I mentally hear the sound of Pac-Man dying."

"Tickling is like a God-given child Taser."

"I've always been a firm believer that the quality of a cassette deck can be measured by how slowly it ejects."

"Another Friday the 13th, sigh. I'm dreading the day when I must finally tell my son that there's no such thing as Jason."


Now that I've shown you my "A" material, here's that link to my Twitter page again. 
I can't believe I do this for free!

MY ART: CARNIVAL PRIZE MIRRORS INSPIRED BY 1980s HORROR

Once again I have the joy of participating in Gallery 1988's Crazy 4 Cult art show (opening December 12th) in which nearly a hundred artists pay tribute to cult films. This year I tried a new format, and created a set of decorative mirrors like the ones that were offered as carnival game prizes throughout the 1970s, 80s, and 90s that featured the cultural icons of the moment.

Before we take a closer look at my stuff, let us review the enthralling history of prize mirrors. The concept seems to have emerged in the '70s, and the mirrors were quickly rumored to double as a handy surface to cut n' sniff cocaine. When they first showed up in the carnys' trailers most were nearly as large as record album covers, and contained in semi-sturdy wooden frames, with the images screen-printed onto the glass...




Over the years their quality devolved dramatically.

Some of the earlier mirrors were marbled with decorative colored veins, but this feature was soon discontinued for the most part...

(photos came from ebay)
Multiple sizes were available to accommodate the "Small" and "Large" prize categories, but as the '80s progressed the big ones were mostly phased out in favor of the six by six universal standard...



The wooden (and sometimes metallic plastic) frames were downgraded to cardboard.


The next degradation was replacing the mirrors with regular clear glass, and printing the image on back.

 

In their chintziest form the prizes consisted of a piece of glass slipped in front of a cardstock printout in a cardstock frame.

 


However, in recent years the spirit of the carnival prize mirror lives on in its descendent, the framed poster.

All that said, my mirror creations are meant to emulate those middle years when real mirrors were still in use, but the frames were low-end.

One wonders if any of the imagery was ever officially authorized, but bootlegging was certainly rampant, and some fascinating "off-guide" artwork could be found...


While the format changed dramatically, the visual themes remained constant. The subjects revolved around the sex, drugs, & rock formula, and in my neck of the woods there was also a healthy dose of pro-gun and confederate pride propaganda.


This was the inspiration for my tribute to John Carpenter's 1982 version of The Thing...

Naturally, Kurt Russell's character is all-American, but as you may recall, the Thing is first unleashed in a Norwegian research camp in the Arctic, thus the Norwegian flag that gives the design its confederate flavor. Since carnival mirrors are rife with misguided typography I happily took the opportunity to use the font Hobo. It's a typeface I try to work into as many projects as possible, yet sadly my efforts are almost always shot down.
(In case you can't tell, the images are placed on real mirrors. They just look a bit weird because I blurred the reflections in Photoshop. )


I've always enjoyed the way that traveling fairs embraced 80's Heavy Metal music and then refused to let go long after its heyday. Just last year I heard a Gravitron proudly blaring Poison and Cinderella. Since the majority of prize mirrors are rock related I aimed high by mashing up Evil Dead 2 (1987), a quintessential horror flick, with Iron Maiden, the embodiment of carnival life.

Occupying the airbrushed tropical beach babe slot is this homage to Predator (1987). It's not so far-fetched once you reflect on how purely sexy that helmet is.

Lastly, representing the common theme of substance abuse, I chose to pay tribute to another John Carpenter joint, They Live (1988).  It seemed fitting since the aliens in the film use media as an opiate. Of course the Zig Zag man would be one of them.


My mirrors will be for sale as a set once Crazy 4 Cult begins on December 12th. I'll post a link when it becomes available.

THE JUMBO GALAXY LASER TEAM

The Galaxy Laser Team (a.k.a. Star Patrol) by TimMee are a collection of plastic figures that showed up in dollar shops and grocery store toy racks soon after Star Wars hit the big time. Their mixed heritage and "blank slate" nature often managed to tempt me away from my officially licensed space toys, leaving me with many fond playtime memories. The group was the subject of one of my early blog posts, and two years ago I was proud to announce their triumphant return in reissued form. Now I've got— get this, bigger news (haw haw!), the jumbo, five-inch versions have been reissued as well!

I never saw the large versions when I was a kid, in fact, I didn't know they existed until a few years ago, which is some indication of how rare they are. Suddenly, all of those cocky jumbo Laser Team owners have been taken down several notches, and the rest of us formerly ebay-sniped collectors are finally in on the joy.

Five of the seven small scale designs are available in one set. (The other astronaut and the heroine were never released in this size.)


 I was caught off guard by how substantial these really are. Having been so familiar with their two-inch counterparts, my brain had to readjust to the new scale, and it's still strange to feel their weight in my hand. The big format also reveals new details in the sculpts.

Here's an obligatory comparison shot...

 

The sixties astronaut with the tape recorder is so super jumbo that a fearsome claw creature is reduced to the catch of the day...



 I also got a sample of more TimMee sets that are new this year...

The Dinosaurs!...




I had lived on this planet less than two years when my parents shoved these monsters into my tiny hands. It doesn't seem like plastic dinosaurs should possess 'meaning' and yet these little objects were some of the foundational building blocks of my perception of this world. Plus, my cavemen finally have a proper challenge!

The light green Vs. dark green Army Men...
These classic TimMee army men have been re-released in number of different color combos, but nothing could be more appropriate than good ol' green.

Just don't forget who the star of this post is...





Cut-offs wearing alien makes his bed among his fallen enemies.

The Frontiersmen figures...
These date back to my dad's childhood, when they were marketed as Davey Crockett or Daniel Boone depending on who was more popular at the time.  For me the age of these designs makes them extra special.

One possible drawback is that a significant portion of the set were intended to mount horses.  So until those get reissued you'll probably want to track down some old ones. Or there's another solution...


All of these sets and many more are available on Amazon.

(To borrow a line from TV show credits: Promotional consideration was made possible by TimMee toys.)
 

MY ART: 1980s HORROR CARNIVAL PRIZE MIRRORS

Once again I've had the joy of participating in Gallery 1988's Crazy 4 Cult art show (opening December 12th) in which nearly a hundred artists pay tribute to cult films. This year I tried a new format, and created a set of decorative mirrors like the ones that were offered as carnival game prizes throughout the 1970s, 80s, and 90s that featured the cultural icons of the moment.

Before we take a closer look at my stuff, let us review the enthralling history of prize mirrors. The concept seems to have emerged in the '70s, and the mirrors were quickly rumored to double as a handy surface to cut n' sniff cocaine. When they first showed up in the carnys' trailers most were nearly as large as record album covers, and contained in semi-sturdy wooden frames, with the images screen-printed onto the glass...




Over the years their quality devolved dramatically.

Some of the earlier mirrors were marbled with decorative colored veins, but this feature was soon discontinued for the most part...

(photos came from ebay)
Multiple sizes were available to accommodate the "Small" and "Large" prize categories, but as the '80s progressed the big ones were mostly phased out in favor of the six by six universal standard...



The wooden (and sometimes metallic plastic) frames were downgraded to cardboard.


The next degradation was replacing the mirrors with regular clear glass, and printing the image on back.

 

In their chintziest form the prizes consisted of a piece of glass slipped in front of a cardstock printout in a cardstock frame.

 


However, in recent years the spirit of the carnival prize mirror lives on in its descendent, the framed poster.

All that said, my mirror creations are meant to emulate those middle years when real mirrors were still in use, but the frames were low-end.

One wonders if any of the imagery was ever officially authorized, but bootlegging was certainly rampant, and some fascinating "off-guide" artwork could be found...


While the format changed dramatically, the visual themes remained constant. The subjects revolved around the sex, drugs, & rock formula, and in my neck of the woods there was also a healthy dose of pro-gun and confederate pride propaganda.


This was the inspiration for my tribute to John Carpenter's 1982 version of The Thing...

Kurt Russell's character is of course, all-American, but as you may rememeber the Thing is first unleashed in a Norwegian research camp in the Arctic, thus the Norwegian flag that gives the design its confederate flavor. And since carnival mirrors are rife with misguided typography I happily took the opportunity to use the font Hobo. It's a typeface I try to work into as many projects as possible, yet sadly my efforts are almost always shot down.


I've always enjoyed the way that traveling fairs embraced 80's Heavy Metal and refused to let go long after its heyday. Just last year I heard a Gravitron proudly blaring Poison and Cinderella. Since the majority of prize mirrors are rock related I aimed high by mashing up Evil Dead 2 (1987), a quintessential horror flick, with Iron Maiden, the embodiment of carnival life.

Occupying the tropical beach babe slot is this homage to Predator (1987). It's not so far fetched once you reflect on how purely sexy that helmet is.

Lastly, representing the common theme of substance abuse, I chose to pay tribute to another John Carpenter joint, They Live (1988).  It seemed fitting since the aliens in the film use media as an opiate. Naturally, the Zig Zag man would be one of them.


My mirrors will be for sale as a set once Crazy 4 Cult begins on December 12th. I'll post a link when it becomes available.

THE SPOOK LIGHT

Image from celticcaper
As a kid, one of my must-see TV shows was called 'Real People,' an early example of reality programming that fell somewhere between 'That's Incredible' and 'Ripley's Believe It Or Not.' The most memorable episode revealed footage of a phenomenon called the Spook Light, an unexplained light that appears on a country road on the Missouri-Oklahoma border. Though it was nothing more than a shaky dot on the screen, I was rattled by the sight of it. To make matters worse, as I watched this apparition through my fingers my dad said, "That's not too far from where we live." For the remainder of my childhood I was haunted by the notion of autonomous lights in my area, often afraid to look out car windows at night.

By high school I was no more comfortable at the thought of the Spook Light, but a journalism assignment prompted my friends and me to track down my longtime phobia. We drove to Seneca, Missouri, the town closest to the light, and informally interviewed patrons of a nearby gas station. More than half of them claimed to have seen it which filled me with both hope and terror. We were also offered a slew of conflicting tips on how to witness the phenomenon. These new instructions combined with the many how-tos we'd already collected at home left us confused.

We arrived at the road and experimented with the many suggested techniques: parked or moving, headlights on or off, watching from both in and out of the car. All of these tests were performed in a state of constant dread. We didn't see the light, though the night did climax when a huge, barking black dog lunged towards our open van sending us right out of our minds.

Throughout young adulthood I revisited this dirt road at least a dozen times. The ritual expanded to include a night on the town in nearby Joplin, Missouri that involved pizza and a thorough exploration of the mall. Eventually the Spook Light search became secondary, just a way to wind down the evening with some mild disappointment.

One time we did see a small light at the end of the road that seemed to disappear when we moved closer. But this dot on the horizon didn't come close to the head-full of stories I'd been collecting, tales of two multicolored ghosts charging at viewers, splitting and merging, sometimes vanishing and reappearing so close behind that you could see your own shadow. I knew the real Will-o'-the-Wisp would mess with your radio reception and was even fond of passing through cars if both doors were open. What I saw did not satisfy.

This month, as part of my proactive Halloween celebrating I decided to visit Spook Light road again, twice actually. Two weeks ago some friends and I relived my youthful tradition and added to the event by stopping at every flea market and secondhand shop between here and there. (A number of the photos in my last post are from that trip.)

We wound up in Spook Light country around 9:30 PM and saw a few other ghost hunters parked about. I noticed the road has been paved since the days of yore. As with most advances this had both positive and negative effects. It was a smoother ride with less potential for a blow out, however a good chunk of creepy charm is now gone. Another sign of the times is that Google maps actually has it listed as "Spook Light." Convenient yes, but gone is the adventurous act of constructing and following your own homemade map that was based on discussions with real witnesses. This was part of the build-up, and it felt like we were in on a great secret.

These advances may explain why it was relatively busy that night, for a country road.  That is to say we were annoyed by a passing car about every five minutes. At one point a truck pulling a hay ride passed as the riders playfully yelled at us. After picking our spot we passed the time talking, and listening to themes from horror movies. Stare at this photo for one hour and you can relive the experience...


After an hour with no sign of spooks my friends were ready to get back.

The following weekend had been set aside for commercial Spookhousing with my friend Scott, and since I had just discovered that the Joplin community had at least eight(!) to choose from, it became my destination once again. I was also determined to visit the Spook Light under more optimal conditions, which meant going later and staying longer.

After quizzing some locals and looking at online spookhouse ratings (what a time we live in!) we decided on two. First was the Twisted Forest, which was one of the more involved haunted attractions I've been to.


I appreciated their waiting system. Rather than standing in line, you take a number and sit around one of many fires as 'Night of the Living Dead' plays...


 

The attraction consists of a series of spooked up buildings connected by a wooded trail that culminated in a dark maze that had us stuck for at least ten minutes. The walkthough begins with a three minute long short film outlining the story of the Twisted Forest. I thought this was a great touch since a narrative always trumps random scares, and it builds anticipation since you know you're about to meet every horrible thing in the video.

Here's one of several photos I took before getting reprimanded by a fourteen year old...




Our next stop was called The Manor...

I appreciated it's classic haunted house facade that looks like it's up year round.

The place was pretty dense with potential scares. There were themed scenes connected with disorienting passageways, and it had a nice mix of humans and sophisticated animatronics. Plus this guy walking around outside...



With the artificial spooks behind us we were ready for the real thing. Having loaded up on Fall-themed coffee we arrived at the remote road at about one in the morning. To our dismay there was still a good deal of activity, probably due to the Halloween season. This isn't to say that the Spook Light requires total peace, but it was distracting, and you're never sure of these late night drivers' motives or sobriety. After about a half hour things got quieter, just a couple other determined Spooklighters occasionally changing vantage points.

One of our fellow enthusiasts approached our car and put down the window, and I got excited to hear their report. The woman asked if we had broken down (presumably because I flashed my hazards when I first saw her top the hill.)  Once I explained our mission she coldly proclaimed that parking on the road was forbidden.  I used my conflict averse technique of thanking her for this helpful bit of information. I did ask her about the best way to spot the light given this newly-learned constraint. She just repeated her rebuke.

It seems that the lady is a self-proclaimed Spook Light road enforcer. I don't think ill of her since I'm certain that the road attracts all kinds of ne'er-do-wells, and I wouldn't want their shenanigans in my backyard either. I've since found recent online reports of Spook Light seekers getting approached by official law enforcement, not just some lady in a truck. Some accounts said they were threatened with a citation, and another said they were allowed to stay for ten minutes. Some folks claim there were 'no parking' signs there, but maybe they've been stolen since.

The situation needs a solution because it's an occurrence that continues to get national media coverage (most recently on the Travel Channel) and has been part of local lore for a century. People will never stop investigating it. Years ago there was a Spook Light museum and shop. Maybe it's time for another one. Okay, do I need to open this? Yes, I believe I do.

UPDATE: Here's a recent news story discussing this predicament.

Anyway, our solution was to drive down the road a bit, turn around, and park in a new spot.

On my many visits, one thing I've noticed is that even if the Spook Light doesn't show itself there are often magical (and sometimes spooky) moments. Our recent visit had three (four if you count the lady.) The first was when Scott thought he was seeing things, a dark shape moving around the car. An evil Spook Light perhaps? Turned out it was a black cat. But a black cat on Spook Light road is cool!
 


The second occurred when I heard something substantial shuffling in the grass right outside my car window. It sounded much larger than a cat and I gave Scott the willies when I said, "There is something out there." just as some loud steps confirmed my claim. I shined my flashlight into a field and the beam was met with two huge green eyes! I yelled! It was a cow. The last moment of magic was seeing a massive falling star perfectly framed by the windshield. Halfway though its decent it looked like it smeared in the sky, like a glowing green line of magic marker. I've never seen anything like that before, and there was no better place to see it.

As the clock passed two it finally seemed like we were the only ones around. We were able to try a variety of viewpoints and walk up and down the road. Then we saw a light. Was it headlights? It wasn't. Here's a snippet of the video footage I got. And if you like your footage short and shaky, you're in for a treat. The light wasn't moving around, just my hand.


We drove toward it and it stayed on the horizon up to a point, and then it vanished as the road descended. We continued in the same direction and it reappeared. It was always far away, much like that first time I saw something out there. But it seemed more colorful and flicker-y than a streetlight. It also seemed to split into two and three pieces.

We took our time trying to systematically rule out all the surrounding residential lights. We drove to the very end of the road and could see no source. Then we went back to where we started and saw it again. It stayed "on" throughout the rest of our visit, as long as we stayed in the right vantage points.




We drove up and down the road so many times we were able to predict when it would become visible. The predictability took away some of the mystery and made it seem less like a traveling ghost and more like a reflection or a refraction. Except that this light was seen here in the 1800s when cars and streetlights were sparse, especially in that part of the country.

It didn't do a fraction of what the stories claim, but now I will answer "yes" when asked if I've seen the Spook Light. I'm convinced what we saw is the same thing that everyone else sees.



We packed up and I left feeling more satisfied than I have on previous visits. It was after three, and as we were about to turn off the road we saw the lady enforcer once again. And I thought I was hardcore.
 __________

As a Spook Light-seer I feel I'm qualified to give tips on how to see it. So here they are...

Tips on seeing the Joplin/Hornet Spook Light:

1. Don't go in October. This has to be peak season for Spook-Lighters (and I would assume patrollers.) It's much better in solitude.

2. Go on a week night.

3. Go very late, like well after midnight. Again, all of this is done to avoid activity.

4. Be aware of the moon cycle. I don't know that one is better than another for seeing it, but I like it when the night is dark as possible.

5. If you approach from the East, go about a quarter mile down the road (yes, right where Google Maps indicates). Go past the residence on the left until their street light is no longer visible.

6. Face West and watch where the road meets the horizon. You will see the red lights of a radio tower to the right.

7. Bring a flashlight.

8. Bring a still and/or video camera.

9. Bring a tripod for your cameras. (I was kicking myself for forgetting last time.)

10. Bring a telescope. (Again, kicking myself.)

11. If you can find a place to park in the grass, then do.

12. Turn on some form of car lights when cars approach from either way.

13. Be a decent human being and drive slowly, don't litter, don't vandalize, be quiet, and don't show up on any mind altering substances. Know that it is patrolled, and there may or may not be a penalty for parking on the road.

HALLOWEEN ENJOYABLES: THE LITTLE THINGS

Some of the best moments of the Halloween season can't be planned. They are the chance encounters with spookiness and little daily reminders that this is indeed a special time of year, be it the orange icing that adorns the grocery store bakery, the scarecrow on grandma's porch, or the extra supply of scary movies in the electronics department. Here are some of those kind of moments that I've experienced this year.
Freshly painted window ghosts on a small town cafe... 
A home that wouldn't typically get a second glance is transformed into a photo op.
A Denny's that is obviously managed by a Halloween enthusiast (and the confused stares from customers as I walked around taking photos)... Handmade typography in a small town video store takes on new relevance... The discovery that the Crypt Keeper and Frankenstein's monster reside over this Horror section... Said video store has some fun hand painted window graphics as well... It's as 'mom and pop' as it gets.  Behind the counter sat two parents and their toddlers. A pop-up Halloween shop offered a reminder of how sophisticated the holiday has become...(photo by my friend Chris) 
On the other hand, a secondhand shop had a reminder of just how simple the holiday can be...(photo by my friend Chris)  
Flea markets have brought out their Halloween stock, enabling me to invest a dollar fifty on these...
A small town variety shop provided me with a haunted castle from 1987 for fifty cents...

I found just the right fabric to make a new cape for this old Dracula figure...
The latecomer finally arrived...
My friend Jon showed up to our "VHS Night" with a lump of Sculpey, and by the end of the evening he'd created a piece or art for me. (The green guy in back is one of his former creations.)
A well-stocked end aisle of movie monsters. (No, Funko and Super7 do not sponsor this site.)
The gorilla on a laser tag course suddenly seems like super deluxe Halloween decor...

The sun gave me an additional Halloween decoration...

Had any unexpected Halloween moments this year?