Jonathan Moeller's Blog, page 126
October 21, 2020
High Octane Standard Thriller Fantasyland!
A while back I stumbled on an Internet argument between fantasy readers and thriller readers. (Admittedly, it was pretty stupid, as most Internet arguments are.) But the gist of it was that the thriller readers were boasting they read serious books about the Real World, while the fantasy readers read, well, fantasy books.
But! The fantasy readers pointed out that most thrillers are set as much of a fantasyland as anything J.R.R Tolkien or Robert E. Howard ever wrote.
Now, I’ve read a lot of fantasy novels AND a lot of thriller novels, and I think that’s a good point. You know how Standard Fantasy Worlds have knights, wizards, orcs, dark lords, magic rings, magic swords, and helpful innkeepers who offer local rumors and so forth?
Well, if you ever find yourself transported to Standard Thriller Fantasyland, here is what you can expect to find:
1.) An aimless drifter will turn out to be a former Special Forces operator skilled in every form of combat known to man.
2.) If the aimless drifter visits a small town, it will always be the center of some wide-ranging criminal syndicate.
3.) But if he visits a major city, it will be the center of a major terrorist plot within 24 hours.
4.) When an international crisis erupts, the President of the United States will rely on a crack team of aimless drifters to save the world.
5.) The CIA and other intelligence agencies can occasionally find someone.
6.) To save the day, the hero will have to burst into Congress during the State of the Union while shouting “Mr. President! Mr. President!”
7.) Every mid-sized city and up has a serial killer who has operated undetected for decades, unsuspected save for one alcoholic detective who needs to close the case.
8.) All detectives are troubled but brilliant. The more stable and emotionally well-adjusted the detective, the less likely he is to find his suspect.
9.) Alternatively, detectives are hard-drinking lone wolves who manage to avoid demotion, lawsuits, and criminal prosecution despite their complete disregard for procedure.
10.) Private investigators wind up investigating capital crimes instead of insurance fraud and divorces.
11.) Every conspiracy always goes All The Way To The Top.
12.) The most expensive the hotel, the more likely it is to be a center of international intrigue.
13.) Every rural farm town is secretly controlled by a sinister militia or, barring that, a meth gang.
14.) Local police don’t exist. The FBI investigates everything. Even traffic stops.
15.) When local police exist, the sheriff will be part of the sinister militia or a meth gang.
16.) Alternatively, the sheriff will be a lantern-jawed widower with an adorable six-year-old daughter, and he will team up with the aimless drifter to battle the sinister militia or the meth gang.
17.) After firing a shotgun, the character must deliver a one-liner.
18.) Either weapon recoil doesn’t exist, or after firing a shot, the hero has a inner monologue about the capabilities of his firearm to prove that the author did the research.
19.) Every poor urban neighborhood is ruled by a ruthless gang boss who has police captains on his payroll, posts music videos to YouTube, and dresses like a 90s rap star. He may or may not have a pet tiger on his premises.
20.) The hero’s love interest will be as deadly as she is beautiful.
21.) The hero’s love interest will have a child she is unable to see because she is on the run from the CIA or the GRU or Burger King’s corporate office or something. Every so often, she will stand in the street outside her child’s school and watch longingly from behind her sunglasses, but only if it is suitable cloudy to be atmospheric.
22.) Every US Senator is secretly a serial killer with a taste for prostitutes, and has a sinister chief of staff who Takes Care of problems for the Senator.
23.) Every US Congressman is carrying on multiple affairs and frequently receives briefcases full of cash during clandestine meetings at the Jefferson Memorial.
24.) Social media CEOs have teams of sinister mercenaries to eliminate people who investigate their algorithms.
And, finally, the Ultimate Feature of every Standard Thriller Fantasyland:
25.) The bad guys will be based on people the author dislikes in Real Life.
-JM
October 20, 2020
The Pulp Writer Show, Episode 50: Why Did DEMONSOULED Leave Kindle Unlimited?
It’s time for another episode of The Pulp Writer Show!
In this week’s episode, I discuss why my DEMONSOULED and MASK OF THE DEMONSOULED series left Kindle Unlimited while THE GHOSTS and GHOST EXILE stayed in the program.
We also talk about the Barnes & Noble Nook hack and answer reader questions.
-JM
October 19, 2020
two exciting milestones
October’s been a busy month, but I had some exciting milestones.
MALISON: THE COMPLETE series sometime this month passed its 10,000th copy sold for 2020.
THE GHOSTS OMNIBUS ONE passed its one millionth Kindle Unlimited page read.
Thanks for reading, everyone! The MALISON milestone is especially gratifying because I wasn’t entire sure that writing MALISON had been a good idea, but it really seems to have worked out.
-JM
October 18, 2020
another GHOST IN THE VISION progress update
Now on Chapter 19 of 24 of GHOST IN THE VISION, which means I have passed the 75% mark for the rough draft.
Not too much longer now if all goes well!
-JM
October 15, 2020
Nook hack
It looks like Barnes & Noble suffered a pretty big hack to the Nook systems over the weekend, which is unfortunate. Nook syncing and ebook sales haven’t been working right since at least October 10th.
If you were looking for one of my books in Nook format and were unable to get it, I suggest checking out my catalog on Smashwords. Every book I have on Nook is also available on Smashwords, and you can get the book in EPUB format, which will work with any Nook device. Additionally, you also get the book in multiple different file formats. So if you’re one of those people who insists in reading only in PDF, you can get my books in PDF format off the Smashwords store. 
Super Mario World
I’ve been playing the Switch version of Super Mario World lately and I quite like it. It’s a classic and considered one of the Best Games Of All Time, so I figured it was about time I tried it.
And it is a great deal of fun! It’s interesting how the game is a logical evolution and improvement of the NES and Game Boy Mario games.
That said, I have no recollection of ever playing Super Mario World back in the 90s on the SNES. If I remember right, the SNES came included with Super Mario World, so I’m not sure why I never played it.
Perhaps it’s just as well. Super Mario World is a hard game, and poor Mario dies, like, a lot. Without the Save State feature, it would be a very frustrating game!
-JM
October 14, 2020
GHOST IN THE VISION progress update
Now 70,000 words into GHOST IN THE VISION, which puts me on Chapter 15 of 24.
Let’s have a short excerpt!
“Bloody hell,” said Morgant. “First the Apotheosis, and now this? How many bloody damned sorcerous catastrophes must one man see?”
“Believe me,” said Caina, “I’ve often wondered that myself. And as you so often have pointed out at tedious length, I don’t have anywhere near your venerable age and deep wisdom.”
“You’re terrible at flattery,” said Morgant.
“I’m excellent at flattery,” said Caina. “But if I was trying to flatter you, you would know and take it as an insult.”
-JM
October 13, 2020
The Pulp Writer Show, Episode 49: A BookBub Featured Deal For SEVENFOLD SWORD OMNIBUS ONE
It’s time for Episode 49 of The Pulp Writer Show!
In this episode, I discuss the recent BookBub Featured Deal for my book SEVENFOLD SWORD OMNIBUS ONE.
I also talk about novel crossovers and forthcoming audiobook editions.
-JM
October 12, 2020
GHOST IN THE VISION progress update
12 chapters down, 12 to go.
Halfway there! Still on track to have the book out sometime in November.
-JM
October 7, 2020
a short excerpt from GHOST IN THE VISION
Let’s have a short except from GHOST IN THE VISION today!
“Caina!” said Nerina, her voice rising to something almost like an excited squeal. She bounded across the room and caught Caina in a hug. “In all the mathematical potentialities I calculated today, none of them included the possibility of you walking through the door.”
“See?” said Malcom, strolling over with a smile. “Pure mathematics always fails in the end.”
“Bah,” said Nerina. “My equations did not include all necessary variables.” She grinned at Caina. “Do you and Lord Kylon ever have such arguments?”
“I can honestly say that we do not,” said Caina.
-JM
